1 00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:08,067 Anyone watching thinking we know 2 00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:10,800 fuck all about knowing fuck all about 3 00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:12,733 needs to watch their back. 4 00:00:12,833 --> 00:00:15,567 So you've had your labor, reclassifying skunk, 5 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:19,233 sending prices sky high, literally, literally. 6 00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:21,800 Taking the glass from its own roots. 7 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:24,467 Now you've got your ConDemNation. 8 00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:28,100 Liberals noshing tories is like altar boys picking dimps up. 9 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,833 Have we had a national fucking stroke or what? 10 00:00:31,933 --> 00:00:35,400 Is revolution a word or was it never? 11 00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:39,200 Anybody watching needs to know we cope better than average 12 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,233 with irony in Chatsworth. 13 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:45,000 Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester. 14 00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:47,933 And they charge us for water. 15 00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:52,300 I wandered lonely as a clown making mushrooms rarely found. 16 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,700 This green and pleasant land in ancient times. 17 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,200 Fucking. 18 00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,467 Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak It's not there's 19 00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:01,833 any more. 20 00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:05,400 This is our England now. 21 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,767 Party. 22 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:14,567 [theme song] 23 00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:15,933 [alarm clock rings] 24 00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,767 MICKEY (VOICEOVER): I blame all those fat, 25 00:01:17,867 --> 00:01:21,100 short haired, hairy bins who took a match to their bras 26 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,900 in the '60s. 27 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,300 It's them feminists who've got a funk for the way society 28 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,233 looks down on anyone who stays at home looking 29 00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,167 after their house and kids. 30 00:01:29,267 --> 00:01:32,033 People just don't see our true value. 31 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:35,600 We work 24 hours a day, seven days a week 32 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,267 for no pay or holidays. 33 00:01:38,367 --> 00:01:41,200 What we do isn't seen as work. 34 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:44,433 You're only valued if actual bringing in money. 35 00:01:44,533 --> 00:01:46,500 Don't even get so much as a thank you. 36 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:47,867 Cheers mate. 37 00:01:47,967 --> 00:01:51,100 I just wish those muddy assed lezzes had kept their saggy, 38 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,867 old tits in their double D's. 39 00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:56,667 You want to get to bed a bit earlier? 40 00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:58,667 Early 41 00:01:58,767 --> 00:01:59,933 Morning. 42 00:02:00,033 --> 00:02:01,133 You know, I'll come back. 43 00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,067 Now you won't. 44 00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:04,567 Sit your ass down. 45 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:05,467 You had breakfast? 46 00:02:05,567 --> 00:02:07,000 Just some toast? 47 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:11,233 Bung a few eggs in the pan for Carl. 48 00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:12,533 So what've got on today? 49 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,867 I need you to pull in all outstanding debts. 50 00:02:15,967 --> 00:02:18,500 Cash flow problem. 51 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,233 And shift that lot. 52 00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,200 And you're going to help. 53 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:23,667 I need you back in the realms now 54 00:02:23,767 --> 00:02:25,267 Shane's doing his own thing. 55 00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:27,533 Your little holidays over. 56 00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:29,800 It's time you started pulling your weight again. 57 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,100 And what about Cilla? 58 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,400 She sleeps most of the time, you'll be fine. 59 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,067 There you go. 60 00:02:39,167 --> 00:02:40,467 And for you. 61 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:54,800 No. 62 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:04,667 They are full of salt. 63 00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:27,700 Thought you were having your hair done. 64 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,367 She's off sick. 65 00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:32,100 What the hell are you doing in my dress? 66 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,367 Just giving it an airing. 67 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,867 Besides, you have no need for it any longer. 68 00:03:35,967 --> 00:03:37,167 What do you mean? 69 00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:38,833 He's not exactly rushing to set a new date. 70 00:03:38,933 --> 00:03:41,633 I reckon he's just stringing you along. 71 00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:43,533 Just take it off. 72 00:03:43,633 --> 00:03:46,000 And you need to stop this ridiculous daydreaming. 73 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,133 It's no daydream. 74 00:03:48,233 --> 00:03:49,633 You think I'm going to spend the rest 75 00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:52,400 of my days sleeping in the corner of a bloody living room? 76 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:53,967 And just what exactly do you think you're 77 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,400 going to bag yourself a iman? 78 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,667 Hello, South Manchester Creditors. 79 00:03:59,767 --> 00:04:00,600 We're listening. 80 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:01,700 Have a problem? 81 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,100 You can ring us anytime, bye bye. 82 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,433 Yes, pressure-co. 83 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:06,933 GIRL (ON PHONE): It'll be my second baby. 84 00:04:07,033 --> 00:04:08,333 And how old are you? 85 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:09,700 GIRL (ON PHONE): I'm 18 next week. 86 00:04:12,967 --> 00:04:13,767 Hello 87 00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:15,033 WOMAN (ON PHONE): Hello? 88 00:04:15,133 --> 00:04:17,567 I don't think I can carry on. 89 00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:20,267 MAN (ON PHONE): Aye, and I'll be 60 next week. 90 00:04:20,367 --> 00:04:24,133 It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. 91 00:04:24,233 --> 00:04:29,133 Why don't we meet up and you can tell me more about it? 92 00:04:29,233 --> 00:04:31,600 It's always better to talk about your problems face 93 00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:32,500 to face. 94 00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,733 Oh, I live near there. 95 00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:47,300 Why don't we continue this conversation over a cuppa? 96 00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,233 Where's Where's tea? 97 00:05:02,333 --> 00:05:04,033 I'll do it when I've finished reading this. 98 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,700 You're three weeks behind on your payments. 99 00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:31,533 I know you're in there, I can hear your telly. 100 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,067 Shit. 101 00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:43,000 Get here, you. 102 00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:53,667 I'll get you. 103 00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:59,167 [baby coos] 104 00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:12,767 You see, what you should do is go from happy hour 105 00:06:12,867 --> 00:06:15,667 to happy day. 106 00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:19,067 Are we getting married? 107 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:22,767 Well, Libby love, everyone got pissed. 108 00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:23,700 There was a fight. 109 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,800 It's as good as a wedding. 110 00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,900 But we weren't blessed. 111 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:27,967 I've been blessed twice before. 112 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:29,767 It really doesn't help. 113 00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:32,367 Well, it's not gonna make any difference is it? 114 00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,000 I already see you as me missus. 115 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:36,033 Karen, can I have another pint? 116 00:06:36,133 --> 00:06:37,133 What do-- 117 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:41,700 You serious? 118 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:42,867 That's all you took? 119 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,233 Well, it-- it's been a bit difficult, 120 00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,600 you know, with Cilla and that. 121 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,767 When your dad was inside, I ran the business 122 00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:50,833 and looked after the lot of you when you were kids. 123 00:06:50,933 --> 00:06:52,300 You stuck us in the library all day. 124 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,233 Yeah. 125 00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:58,500 Can't survive on what we've got coming in. 126 00:06:58,600 --> 00:06:59,400 Sort it. 127 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:00,800 I am. 128 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:03,267 I'm trying to think of ways that I can earn money and be at home 129 00:07:03,367 --> 00:07:04,500 with Cilla at the same time. 130 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,400 But-- 131 00:07:08,867 --> 00:07:10,200 What are you doing? 132 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:11,333 LILLIAN: I've really opened my eyes 133 00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:12,967 to the wonder of the interweb. 134 00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:14,933 We're branching out. 135 00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:18,267 Selling worn knickers. 136 00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:19,567 That bleeding stinks. 137 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:22,833 How do you get it to smell like actual piss. 138 00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:25,133 It is actual piss. 139 00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:26,333 I had to go and buy this, because I 140 00:07:26,433 --> 00:07:28,667 kept missing the bloody hole. 141 00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:29,967 Do you know what? 142 00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,100 I could do making a few bob off the internet? 143 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,967 You want to get into kids things. 144 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:34,267 Seem to really sell well. 145 00:07:34,367 --> 00:07:35,600 Sex. 146 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,867 Now, that's something that you'll always earn money from. 147 00:07:37,967 --> 00:07:39,167 And credit cards. 148 00:07:39,267 --> 00:07:40,700 Find a way of getting older people's details 149 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:41,667 and you're onto a winner. 150 00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:57,300 That thing can come down. 151 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:58,433 What? 152 00:07:58,533 --> 00:07:59,533 You said I'd have blood on my hands on my hands 153 00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:00,467 if I didn't put it up. 154 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:01,267 Make you mind up. 155 00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:03,000 I've handed him my notice. 156 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:04,467 Waste of bloody time. 157 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,933 Not been as fulfilling as you'd hoped? 158 00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:08,767 Could say that. 159 00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:14,633 Maybe I've been a little hasty. 160 00:08:14,733 --> 00:08:15,567 Put it back. 161 00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:22,733 You haven't paid for that. 162 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,233 What the fuck you doing? 163 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:32,400 You're no better than a rapist, 164 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:34,733 encouraging men to objectify women. 165 00:08:34,833 --> 00:08:38,000 Here, here. 166 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,300 What's your problem? 167 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,400 Some little scrote's been mouthing off, going 168 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,900 on at me to show him my tits. 169 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,400 Well, he can get in the queue. 170 00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:45,933 Might've guessed you'd be supportive and understanding. 171 00:08:46,033 --> 00:08:48,200 Well, you can't just shove them out whenever it suits you. 172 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,167 What? 173 00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:50,167 You're always giving blokes a come 174 00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:50,900 on when you're after something. 175 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,833 No, I'm not. 176 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,567 So do I get any discount? 177 00:08:58,867 --> 00:09:00,033 That's just me being friendly. 178 00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:04,467 MICKY: I'm looking for investment 179 00:09:04,567 --> 00:09:06,233 in my internet venture. 180 00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:10,167 In return, I'm prepared to offer 10% equity in the new business. 181 00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:18,167 The type of groundbreaking website I'm proposing 182 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:22,167 has very low expenditure for extremely high returns. 183 00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:25,433 It has the potential to produce a constant revenue stream. 184 00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:29,133 And I project gross profits of 200,000 pounds 185 00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:31,767 over a three year period. 186 00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:34,300 So onto our target market. 187 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:37,800 Kiddie fiddlers. 188 00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:44,267 I propose to launch a child porn website that won't actually 189 00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:47,067 contain any sick pictures. 190 00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:49,233 The home page will lure our consumer 191 00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:52,267 to subscribe to what they think will be jack off heaven. 192 00:09:52,367 --> 00:09:54,267 But while they're waiting for the site to download, 193 00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:56,633 we'll be ripping the credit card details. 194 00:09:56,733 --> 00:09:58,267 And by the time they've discovered it's a scam, 195 00:09:58,367 --> 00:09:59,933 we'll have run up the largest bill 196 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,933 that the nonces have ever seen. 197 00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:03,800 And we'll actually be doing society 198 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:07,000 a favor, because the website will act as a deterrent, 199 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,833 you know, make him nervous about subscribing 200 00:10:08,933 --> 00:10:09,800 to any other pervy sites. 201 00:10:13,033 --> 00:10:14,000 Any questions? 202 00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,000 Yeah. 203 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,867 Just one major problem. 204 00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,467 You forgot to mention it's totally illegal 205 00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:24,400 and you could get sent down if someone grassed. 206 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,733 Who's gonna admit they've joined a child porn website? 207 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,233 I'm in. 208 00:10:40,667 --> 00:10:42,900 Loosen your tie a bit more. 209 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,433 He could do with looking younger. 210 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:49,800 Right. 211 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,200 Right, get up there. 212 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:52,400 What are you doing? 213 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:53,433 Don't worry. 214 00:10:53,533 --> 00:10:54,533 You'll be able to afford 20 new pairs. 215 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,200 Finished. 216 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:13,367 I now pronounce this website open for business. 217 00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:14,400 Yes. 218 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,467 - What's going on? - We're going live. 219 00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:17,500 Come and look. 220 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:56,400 Come on. 221 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,367 Should've stuck a bag on his head. 222 00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:01,667 Sod this. 223 00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:02,600 I'm off to bed. 224 00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:16,833 Yes. 225 00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:20,633 You mean, there's a perv there now at the other end? 226 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:27,700 I'm gonna find you and blow your balls off, you sick 227 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:28,967 fucker! 228 00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:32,600 Quick, transfer the money into our account. 229 00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,000 What are we gonna buy? 230 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,167 Book us a weekend out of county. 231 00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:06,333 Fucking hell. 232 00:13:06,433 --> 00:13:08,267 What are you trying to do to me, woman? 233 00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:09,533 Oh. 234 00:13:09,633 --> 00:13:10,933 Must've bobbed off. 235 00:13:11,033 --> 00:13:12,667 What the hell are you doing in that box? 236 00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:14,133 PATTY: Checking what size it is? 237 00:13:14,233 --> 00:13:16,033 I'm flogging them. 238 00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:18,367 Earn 50 quid for every one a shift. 239 00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:20,100 How the hell are you're gonna find enough people 240 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,367 on the cusp of death. 241 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:23,667 [phone ringing] 242 00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:25,667 What? What? 243 00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:26,600 What? 244 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:27,900 Give it. 245 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:28,833 Go on. 246 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,533 you bastard. 247 00:13:30,633 --> 00:13:33,100 The helpline are diverting calls here. 248 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,500 I don't want to lose any business. 249 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,333 Hello there, Julie. 250 00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:39,167 Yeah. 251 00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:41,533 I am sorry to hear your husband. 252 00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:43,567 I expect you're thinking of following 253 00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:45,200 him to the other side. 254 00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:52,700 We can flog all this lot and I've 255 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,633 transferred a stack of money. 256 00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,933 Become a right little Richard Branson, hasn't he? 257 00:13:57,033 --> 00:13:58,067 Nice one, Micky. 258 00:13:58,167 --> 00:14:00,367 It needs to be manned 24/7 though. 259 00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:01,633 So I've drawn up a little rota. 260 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,000 No way. 261 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,367 I've got school. 262 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,500 Well, do you want to miss out on any business? 263 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,933 I thought we could set up a few more sites. 264 00:14:15,033 --> 00:14:15,867 Stick this on. 265 00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:16,833 I'll take some pics. 266 00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:18,900 We can do this one next. 267 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:19,800 No way. 268 00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:25,467 There you are. 269 00:14:30,967 --> 00:14:34,367 Not forgetting you. 270 00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:35,900 What's this? 271 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:36,833 Your cut. 272 00:14:36,933 --> 00:14:38,467 You taking me for a mug? 273 00:14:38,567 --> 00:14:39,300 What's your problem? 274 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,667 I want the same as yous lot. 275 00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:42,433 Well, you're not a McGuire. 276 00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,400 But it's my photos that have been pulling them in. 277 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,967 Yeah, but it was my idea in the first place. 278 00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:50,533 Well, find someone else to stick this on. 279 00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:51,667 Fine. 280 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:52,567 You're sacked. 281 00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:53,533 You can't sack me. 282 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,500 I'm a business partner. 283 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,700 Employee. 284 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:57,833 Probably for the best. 285 00:14:57,933 --> 00:14:59,167 Getting a bit too old for this game. 286 00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:16,867 Why don't you take a picture, knobheads? 287 00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:19,833 The youth of today. 288 00:15:19,933 --> 00:15:20,867 So charming. 289 00:15:20,967 --> 00:15:22,067 What? 290 00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:23,367 Is our little prick still gobbing off? 291 00:15:23,467 --> 00:15:24,133 No. 292 00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:25,200 It's all sorted. 293 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,933 Do you fancy walking me to the bus? 294 00:15:30,033 --> 00:15:30,933 Yeah. 295 00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,000 Sure. 296 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,100 Do you to go out one night? 297 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,933 Just you and me. - Yeah. 298 00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:44,067 Sure. 299 00:15:44,167 --> 00:15:45,600 When you free? 300 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:46,933 What? 301 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:47,900 To go out? 302 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:48,800 Out where? 303 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:54,633 Who's he? 304 00:15:54,733 --> 00:15:57,767 He's not the one who's been mouthing off is it. 305 00:15:57,867 --> 00:15:59,000 Looks about 10. 306 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,100 Why you making such a big deal about it? 307 00:16:03,867 --> 00:16:06,567 That's why you wanted me too walk you. 308 00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:08,467 Carl. 309 00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:09,867 Hey, love. 310 00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:11,467 Show us your tits. 311 00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:16,567 Oh, there you are. 312 00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:19,000 Can you lend us-- 313 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:23,000 Got them for our honeymoon. 314 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,700 Well, let's come on then. 315 00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,267 Like what you see? 316 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,767 And I can make these go faster than helicopter blades. 317 00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:54,567 Well, you gonna stick them on or what? 318 00:16:54,667 --> 00:17:00,600 On our wedding night or your funeral, whichever comes first. 319 00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:01,600 Oh, come on, Libby. 320 00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,300 You can't do this to a man. 321 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,000 You know what you've got to do. 322 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,967 What are you looking for? 323 00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:18,033 This. 324 00:17:20,933 --> 00:17:22,133 Just got to knock one out. 325 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:30,100 Why don't you try that one, the solid walnut? 326 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,467 If you don't want your family to know 327 00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:33,467 you've ended up a penniless alcoholic. 328 00:17:33,567 --> 00:17:35,000 [phone ringing] 329 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,167 South Manchester Befrienders. 330 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,367 Can't we stick her on powder? 331 00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:51,400 This contraption's ripping the bleeding nipples off me. 332 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,533 No. 333 00:17:52,633 --> 00:17:54,800 It's been proven, kids raised on breast milk 334 00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:57,433 are higher achievers. 335 00:17:57,533 --> 00:17:58,933 Still raking it in? 336 00:17:59,033 --> 00:18:01,067 No one's subscribed for ages now. 337 00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:05,433 Pervs must be tipping each other off. 338 00:18:11,867 --> 00:18:13,300 [knocking] 339 00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:26,633 Hi. 340 00:18:26,733 --> 00:18:28,333 I'm really-- 341 00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:31,200 I'm sorry to bother your, Micky, but you're me last resort. 342 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,133 I'm really desperate. 343 00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:35,100 Would you be a gentleman and loan me the use of your TV 344 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,533 and lounge for five minutes? 345 00:18:37,633 --> 00:18:40,667 Actually, probably only need about two. 346 00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:41,867 I won't leave a mess. 347 00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:43,167 Yeah, yeah. 348 00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:45,567 Just passing that knob I was telling you about. 349 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:46,733 Telling him what? 350 00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:49,400 That we're about to take you to the cleaners. 351 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,533 Laters. 352 00:18:50,633 --> 00:18:53,967 Set up a website with my mates from school. 353 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,667 Pictures of there of all of us. 354 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:56,700 They can't get enough of it. 355 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,267 Yeah, yeah. 356 00:19:04,367 --> 00:19:05,733 World's gone bloody mad. 357 00:19:05,833 --> 00:19:07,800 Never thought I'd live to see the day a pair of puffs 358 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:09,933 can mince down the aisle together. 359 00:19:10,033 --> 00:19:11,333 PATTY (ON PHONE): They've no shame. 360 00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:14,833 I've heard they even use penis-shaped confetti. 361 00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:16,867 TREVOR (ON PHONE): Better off out of it. 362 00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:19,400 Time to shift on to the next life. 363 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:23,300 Let's hope that place isn't taken over by bloody Poles. 364 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,933 So you're contemplating suicide? 365 00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,033 No. 366 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,133 In the middle of actually doing it. 367 00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:32,567 Well, have you ever given your funeral any thought? 368 00:19:36,867 --> 00:19:38,500 You must be, Trevor. 369 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,533 Oh, well, I didn't realize you were a cripple 370 00:19:40,633 --> 00:19:43,067 or whatever word it is I'm meant to use these days. 371 00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:44,567 Cripple's fine. 372 00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,167 Political correctness has been this country's downfall. 373 00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:51,200 A woman after me own heart. 374 00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:52,967 Just had a three mile bus journey. 375 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,167 Sat next to some window licker. 376 00:19:55,267 --> 00:19:57,833 I don't know why we did away with asylums. 377 00:19:57,933 --> 00:20:00,067 My thoughts exactly. 378 00:20:00,167 --> 00:20:01,800 Used to to be cracking day out. 379 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:05,167 Would you like to try the pine first? 380 00:20:05,267 --> 00:20:07,467 Stylish, yet affordable. 381 00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:08,400 Shoes. 382 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:09,300 Oh. 383 00:20:17,933 --> 00:20:20,367 How does it feel? 384 00:20:20,467 --> 00:20:22,900 The linings making me itch. 385 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,967 You'll be dead, you daft booger. 386 00:20:25,067 --> 00:20:27,267 Which is the most expensive? 387 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:29,000 Unless that thieving government get of 388 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,800 mine when I'm gone, the better. 389 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:32,867 That'll be the mahogany. 390 00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:36,333 So live here alone? 391 00:20:36,433 --> 00:20:38,167 No. 392 00:20:38,267 --> 00:20:40,133 Share with my daughter and the rabble 393 00:20:40,233 --> 00:20:42,433 she got herself involved with. 394 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:44,300 So no husband. 395 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,367 God, no. 396 00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:46,133 Ah. 397 00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:47,433 Once bitten. 398 00:20:47,533 --> 00:20:51,733 Which one would you like to be buried in? 399 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,833 I guess the mahogany. 400 00:20:54,933 --> 00:20:56,167 Oozes class. 401 00:20:56,267 --> 00:20:58,867 Then, the mahogany it it. 402 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,467 We must celebrate. 403 00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:08,133 Where's the stepladders? 404 00:21:13,633 --> 00:21:16,400 Oh my god. 405 00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:17,367 No way. Look. 406 00:21:17,467 --> 00:21:18,967 Here's when of me in Blackpool. 407 00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:22,467 Who'd've thought you grow up to be such a hunk. 408 00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:23,533 Oh. 409 00:21:23,633 --> 00:21:25,833 Check out our Jamie with his dodgy hair. 410 00:21:25,933 --> 00:21:26,767 Perfect. 411 00:21:26,867 --> 00:21:27,733 Give it here. 412 00:21:38,567 --> 00:21:41,200 Those pubic hair dodgers won't be able to resist you. 413 00:21:45,567 --> 00:21:46,600 Whose idea was that? 414 00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:50,333 Mine. 415 00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:55,033 Fucking genius. 416 00:22:00,567 --> 00:22:01,767 No, you don't. 417 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:06,933 PATTY: Trevor. 418 00:22:07,033 --> 00:22:09,733 TREVOR: I assumed he was a burglar. 419 00:22:09,833 --> 00:22:12,467 See why I don't want my daughter to marry him? 420 00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:14,567 He needs a bloody good haircut. 421 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:15,867 Scruffy bugger. 422 00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:17,600 What's She doing with him? 423 00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:20,633 Scared of being alone. 424 00:22:20,733 --> 00:22:22,600 Aren't we all? 425 00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:23,967 I suppose. 426 00:22:24,067 --> 00:22:25,700 If you got the opportunity to be with someone, 427 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,400 you should grab it with both hands. 428 00:22:31,833 --> 00:22:36,033 We're supposed to be celebrating your purchase. 429 00:22:45,167 --> 00:22:46,833 Thank you. 430 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:49,433 Here's to me, six feet under. 431 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,567 It hasn't stopped. They're mad for us. 432 00:22:54,667 --> 00:22:56,933 Well, it's obviously me that's pulling them in, isn't it? 433 00:22:57,033 --> 00:22:57,833 Look. 434 00:22:57,933 --> 00:22:58,967 I'm cute as fuck. 435 00:22:59,067 --> 00:23:00,133 No. No. 436 00:23:00,233 --> 00:23:01,367 I reckon it's me they're after. 437 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:04,167 I mean, who could resist that little smile? 438 00:23:04,267 --> 00:23:06,167 I'm getting trading standards into you. 439 00:23:06,267 --> 00:23:07,533 Do you mind knocking? 440 00:23:07,633 --> 00:23:08,700 Those photos are ancient. 441 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,067 You're a load of fat cunts now. 442 00:23:10,167 --> 00:23:11,700 I am not fat. 443 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:12,900 You nicked all my business. 444 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,000 And? 445 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:21,733 Bollocks. 446 00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:33,867 Morning. 447 00:23:33,967 --> 00:23:35,900 Couldn't wait to see you. 448 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,900 How-- how did you get in? 449 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,200 Kitchen window was open. 450 00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:42,500 How long have you been there? 451 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:43,900 Since three. 452 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,500 Couldn't sleep. 453 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,900 Fancy a morning out? 454 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,000 We-- 455 00:23:53,733 --> 00:24:38,033 [MUSIC - "RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD"] 456 00:24:38,133 --> 00:24:41,200 So nice to have someone to do things with. 457 00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:43,900 Usually, I have to bride-- 458 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,200 bribe people to push me places. 459 00:24:50,633 --> 00:24:53,433 We're a long time dead. 460 00:24:53,533 --> 00:24:56,200 We should be living life to the full, taking risks. 461 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:05,267 There's no need for either of us ever to be lonely again. 462 00:25:08,767 --> 00:25:16,267 Would you do me the honor of dying with me? 463 00:25:16,367 --> 00:25:17,533 What? 464 00:25:17,633 --> 00:25:19,067 A suicide pact. 465 00:25:19,167 --> 00:25:20,333 It's perfect. 466 00:25:20,433 --> 00:25:23,333 If we let nature take its course, one of us 467 00:25:23,433 --> 00:25:24,967 will be left on this Earth alone, 468 00:25:25,067 --> 00:25:27,433 for months, maybe even years. 469 00:25:27,533 --> 00:25:30,033 Killing ourselves at the same time 470 00:25:30,133 --> 00:25:32,167 guarantees we leave exactly the same time. 471 00:25:32,267 --> 00:25:33,800 I'm not ready to die. 472 00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:35,667 Oh, I don't mean now. 473 00:25:35,767 --> 00:25:38,933 We'll get married first. 474 00:25:39,033 --> 00:25:41,000 You want to marry me? 475 00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:42,800 Well, of course. 476 00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:45,933 Do you want to marry me? 477 00:25:46,033 --> 00:25:46,867 Yes. 478 00:25:46,967 --> 00:25:48,133 Good. 479 00:25:48,233 --> 00:25:49,400 I've been in touch with the registry office. 480 00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:52,567 They've got a cancellation, this afternoon. 481 00:25:52,667 --> 00:25:55,367 This afternoon? 482 00:25:55,467 --> 00:25:57,867 Listen-- isn't it a bit quick. 483 00:25:57,967 --> 00:26:00,300 Why delay something that's inevitable? 484 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,033 I knew I wanted you to be my wife 485 00:26:02,133 --> 00:26:03,300 the moment I set eyes on you. 486 00:26:21,433 --> 00:26:22,300 Hi, you. 487 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:26,267 Show us your tits. 488 00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:41,433 Didn't know it was Halloween. 489 00:26:41,533 --> 00:26:44,933 It's to stop guys just seeing me as an instrument 490 00:26:45,033 --> 00:26:46,200 for their sexual pleasure. 491 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,733 It's working. 492 00:26:55,833 --> 00:26:57,700 What's he done now? 493 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,133 He just doesn't seem that bothered about getting married. 494 00:27:01,233 --> 00:27:03,100 What man is? 495 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,500 They know that's when the blow job are gonna stop. 496 00:27:09,133 --> 00:27:12,467 Aren't you going to congratulate us? 497 00:27:12,567 --> 00:27:13,267 Married? 498 00:27:13,367 --> 00:27:16,067 I'm moving into Trevor's. 499 00:27:16,167 --> 00:27:17,667 You're not pregnant are you? 500 00:27:17,767 --> 00:27:19,667 All a bit quick, isn't it? 501 00:27:19,767 --> 00:27:21,067 What would you like, dear? 502 00:27:21,167 --> 00:27:22,133 Dubonnet. 503 00:27:24,333 --> 00:27:27,533 Dubonnet and a lemonade, please. 504 00:27:27,633 --> 00:27:29,767 He's rail roded you into this, hasn't he? 505 00:27:29,867 --> 00:27:31,767 Yes. And I'm glad he did. 506 00:27:31,867 --> 00:27:33,600 I haven't felt this alive in years. 507 00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:35,000 It's ridiculous. 508 00:27:35,100 --> 00:27:36,300 You're just jealous. 509 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,433 I found a man who actually wants to commit. 510 00:27:38,533 --> 00:27:39,867 Congratulations. 511 00:27:39,967 --> 00:27:41,033 Who would've thought your old mom 512 00:27:41,133 --> 00:27:42,900 would beat you down the aisle? 513 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,467 [music playing] 514 00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:19,367 [inaudible] 515 00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:23,200 Oh, shit. 516 00:28:23,300 --> 00:28:25,767 What are you fucking doing? 517 00:28:25,867 --> 00:28:27,333 What are you doing? 518 00:28:34,433 --> 00:28:35,733 [inaudible] 519 00:28:53,367 --> 00:28:54,100 [knock] 520 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,800 PC WORLD: PCWorld. - Laptop. 521 00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:56,700 Took it to get repaired. 522 00:29:00,867 --> 00:29:04,400 Police Constable World. 523 00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:05,800 What's going on? 524 00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:08,967 You're all under arrest, for manufacturing and distributing 525 00:29:09,067 --> 00:29:10,467 child pornography. 526 00:29:15,100 --> 00:29:16,533 I better start packing. 527 00:29:16,633 --> 00:29:20,267 I think we're forgetting something. 528 00:29:20,367 --> 00:29:22,767 We need to consummate the marriage. 529 00:29:42,033 --> 00:29:44,367 You can't keep us locked up any longer. 530 00:29:44,467 --> 00:29:47,967 Got a young baby I need to feed. 531 00:29:48,067 --> 00:29:50,467 I think they can see that. 532 00:29:50,567 --> 00:29:51,667 Your udders need a wipe. 533 00:29:56,267 --> 00:29:58,833 Why the fuck didn't you delete everything first? 534 00:29:58,933 --> 00:30:00,533 I couldn't. It wouldn't tun on. 535 00:30:00,633 --> 00:30:01,667 It wouldn't turn on. 536 00:30:01,767 --> 00:30:04,800 Do you even realize the shit you've got us in. 537 00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:06,000 Everything will be fine. 538 00:30:06,100 --> 00:30:08,100 We're be done for kiddie porn. 539 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,567 Do you know how long we could get? 540 00:30:09,667 --> 00:30:12,300 Won't be around to see my little princess growing up. 541 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:13,867 But they'll soon realize there's 542 00:30:13,967 --> 00:30:15,133 no sick pictures on there. 543 00:30:15,233 --> 00:30:17,433 I've had to leave Carl in charge. 544 00:30:17,533 --> 00:30:18,733 He'll cope. 545 00:30:18,833 --> 00:30:20,233 Good head on his shoulders. 546 00:30:20,333 --> 00:30:22,233 Micky he's a Gallagher. 547 00:30:22,333 --> 00:30:24,267 We're gonna lose the business and the house. 548 00:30:24,367 --> 00:30:25,233 And Cilla 549 00:30:25,333 --> 00:30:26,533 What? 550 00:30:26,633 --> 00:30:29,667 Well, they're bound to get social services involved. 551 00:30:29,767 --> 00:30:32,467 Look, all I wanted was to make sure I was around for cilla. 552 00:30:32,567 --> 00:30:34,733 Look, I'm not having her playing second fiddle 553 00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:36,033 to the business, like us. 554 00:30:36,133 --> 00:30:37,400 Me and your dad were always there for you. 555 00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:39,267 You might've been there physically. 556 00:30:42,267 --> 00:30:44,700 I wrote a story for school once. 557 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,400 I was dead proud of it. 558 00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:50,767 You said you'd read it once you'd done the cashing up. 559 00:30:50,867 --> 00:30:54,867 I sat there all night waiting for you to finish. 560 00:30:54,967 --> 00:30:57,333 You were too busy in the morning. 561 00:30:57,433 --> 00:31:00,433 I had to hand it in that day. 562 00:31:00,533 --> 00:31:06,567 Well, I'm going to read every single story Cilla writes. 563 00:31:06,667 --> 00:31:09,300 I'm gonna make sure she has a good future. 564 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,833 I don't want her turning out like me. 565 00:31:12,933 --> 00:31:14,900 Now, they've got nothing on us. 566 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,200 And we'll be walking out of here in no time. 567 00:31:33,267 --> 00:31:36,533 Show us your tits. 568 00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:37,467 Nice. 569 00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:43,033 Oh, my leg. 570 00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:08,433 No. 571 00:32:08,533 --> 00:32:09,367 It's to big. 572 00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:14,267 The fuck are you dreaming about? 573 00:32:21,667 --> 00:32:24,433 Can't remember. 574 00:32:24,533 --> 00:32:25,700 What's happening? 575 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:27,733 Child pornography charges have been dropped. 576 00:32:27,833 --> 00:32:29,800 I fucking told you. 577 00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:31,467 We've been charged with fraud. 578 00:32:40,967 --> 00:32:42,100 What are you doing? 579 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:43,733 Well, I thought a solicitor might help, 580 00:32:43,833 --> 00:32:45,233 being as I'm about to be sent down 581 00:32:45,333 --> 00:32:48,167 till me pubes have turned grey. 582 00:32:48,267 --> 00:32:50,567 The hearing's this afternoon. 583 00:32:50,667 --> 00:32:51,500 Hello. 584 00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:09,933 Morning. 585 00:33:10,033 --> 00:33:11,000 Morning. 586 00:33:13,767 --> 00:33:15,467 You OK? 587 00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:17,167 Yeah. 588 00:33:17,267 --> 00:33:19,333 Still a little shellshocked. 589 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,067 Libby's father left me with nothing, 590 00:33:25,167 --> 00:33:27,700 even took the rent money. 591 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,900 And I told myself, I'd never trust 592 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,600 another man as long as I lived. 593 00:33:32,700 --> 00:33:33,533 Glad you did. 594 00:33:36,733 --> 00:33:41,033 You are the first man to hold me since he licked it. 595 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:49,633 I've realized, I've just existed these past 40 years. 596 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:15,300 This is fascinating. 597 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,000 It's all about that ancient Mayan calendar. 598 00:34:18,100 --> 00:34:21,467 They reckon it ends on the 21st of December, 2012. 599 00:34:21,567 --> 00:34:24,600 Apparently, the sun's going to rise to a unique point. 600 00:34:24,700 --> 00:34:26,633 And that will be the end of the world. 601 00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:28,867 Well, in that case, we don't have to worry about our livers 602 00:34:28,967 --> 00:34:30,167 then, do we? 603 00:34:33,700 --> 00:34:36,133 Look who I found asleep in the garden shed. 604 00:34:36,233 --> 00:34:38,767 You mean, he didn't even notice you weren't at home? 605 00:34:38,867 --> 00:34:40,933 I could pack my bags and leave. 606 00:34:41,033 --> 00:34:42,000 He wouldn't notice. 607 00:34:44,933 --> 00:34:46,633 Glass of water please, Karen. 608 00:34:46,733 --> 00:34:47,533 We're off. 609 00:34:52,867 --> 00:34:54,400 Look after her. 610 00:34:58,167 --> 00:34:59,233 In case you miss. 611 00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:05,500 PATTY: You shouldn't have. 612 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:06,700 Are you all right? 613 00:35:14,933 --> 00:35:16,067 [phone ringing] 614 00:35:16,167 --> 00:35:17,933 Bye then. 615 00:35:18,033 --> 00:35:19,067 Bye, love. 616 00:35:22,833 --> 00:35:24,800 They've arrived at court. 617 00:35:24,900 --> 00:35:26,533 I should be there. 618 00:35:26,633 --> 00:35:27,600 I'll cover. 619 00:35:27,700 --> 00:35:29,600 Make up for trashing the place last night. 620 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,333 Karen, your family needs you. 621 00:35:36,500 --> 00:35:37,333 Carl. 622 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,133 No. No way. 623 00:35:43,233 --> 00:35:44,800 It's in your job description? 624 00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:52,800 Carl? 625 00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:55,567 I could give you a hand, love. 626 00:35:55,667 --> 00:35:56,633 No thanks. 627 00:35:56,733 --> 00:35:58,433 I don't want all the stock going missing. 628 00:36:08,933 --> 00:36:11,167 Libby Croker, will you marry me? 629 00:36:11,267 --> 00:36:12,733 Oh, get up, Frank. 630 00:36:12,833 --> 00:36:14,000 You're only saying it because I've been nagging you all week. 631 00:36:14,100 --> 00:36:15,300 No. No. 632 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:19,033 I'm saying it, because I want you to be my wife. 633 00:36:19,133 --> 00:36:23,267 Then, why don't you do anything about it? 634 00:36:23,367 --> 00:36:25,267 I wanted it to be a surprise. 635 00:36:27,967 --> 00:36:28,867 What? 636 00:36:28,967 --> 00:36:30,367 Have you planned the wedding? 637 00:36:30,467 --> 00:36:33,267 Oy, is anyone serving or what? 638 00:36:33,367 --> 00:36:34,900 We're having a private conversation. 639 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:35,800 Do you mind? 640 00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:38,767 You So what do you say? 641 00:36:38,867 --> 00:36:39,900 Yes. 642 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,800 When is it? 643 00:36:43,567 --> 00:36:47,933 They reckon, it ends on the 21st of December, 2012. 644 00:36:48,033 --> 00:36:51,633 22nd of December, 2012. 645 00:36:51,733 --> 00:36:53,567 Well, that's ages away. 646 00:36:53,667 --> 00:36:58,567 Yeah, but gives us a chance to save up for a decent honeymoon, 647 00:36:58,667 --> 00:36:59,533 abroad like. 648 00:36:59,633 --> 00:37:02,367 I want to do it properly this time. 649 00:37:02,467 --> 00:37:05,100 Now, let me assist the future Mrs. 650 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,300 Gallagher in the distribution of alcoholic beverages. 651 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:09,933 No, you're all right. I can cope. 652 00:37:10,033 --> 00:37:11,067 No, Libby. 653 00:37:11,167 --> 00:37:15,100 Libby, you're going to be my wife. 654 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,167 We're a team, partnership. 655 00:37:17,267 --> 00:37:19,033 We need to start as we mean to go on. 656 00:37:24,567 --> 00:37:26,600 Do you want a drink? 657 00:37:26,700 --> 00:37:27,533 No. 658 00:37:27,633 --> 00:37:28,433 I'm all right. 659 00:37:34,667 --> 00:37:37,100 I owe you an apology. 660 00:37:39,833 --> 00:37:41,667 You were right. 661 00:37:41,767 --> 00:37:44,800 I was overreacting. 662 00:37:44,900 --> 00:37:46,800 Do you want me to have a word with the little prick? 663 00:37:46,900 --> 00:37:47,733 It's OK. 664 00:37:47,833 --> 00:37:49,067 It's all sorted. 665 00:37:49,167 --> 00:37:52,633 I reckon he's learned his lesson. 666 00:37:52,733 --> 00:37:54,600 Hey, show us your tits. 667 00:38:00,633 --> 00:38:03,467 Shit. 668 00:38:03,567 --> 00:38:04,467 You bitch. 669 00:38:08,933 --> 00:38:10,500 And what do the defense have to say? 670 00:38:13,567 --> 00:38:20,867 Your honor-- my family and I have become 671 00:38:20,967 --> 00:38:24,067 the victims in all of this. 672 00:38:24,167 --> 00:38:26,967 The finger of guilt was immediately pointed. 673 00:38:27,067 --> 00:38:29,533 We're completely innocent. 674 00:38:29,633 --> 00:38:31,000 You'd have to be fucking Rambo to touch 675 00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:34,000 up any of the kids round here. I'm sorry. 676 00:38:34,100 --> 00:38:37,700 Apologies for blasphemy your honor. 677 00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:39,600 But the country's gone mad. 678 00:38:39,700 --> 00:38:42,267 Kiddie fiddling's become a national obsession. 679 00:38:42,367 --> 00:38:44,333 Do you know, I couldn't even take a photograph of me 680 00:38:44,433 --> 00:38:46,833 mate's little nephew as a shepherd in his school 681 00:38:46,933 --> 00:38:48,800 nativity play. 682 00:38:48,900 --> 00:38:50,333 I mean, what are people scared of? 683 00:38:50,433 --> 00:38:52,367 That some pervert's gonna get a stiffy 684 00:38:52,467 --> 00:38:54,667 looking at him with a tea towel shoved on his head. 685 00:38:54,767 --> 00:38:55,933 Don't get me wrong. 686 00:38:56,033 --> 00:38:58,600 You know, I want to see proper pedos stung up. 687 00:38:58,700 --> 00:39:00,600 You know, the ones who get stuck in, before there's 688 00:39:00,700 --> 00:39:02,167 grass on their pitch. 689 00:39:02,267 --> 00:39:05,200 But well, you can't always be 100% sure that they're legal, 690 00:39:05,300 --> 00:39:06,267 can you? 691 00:39:06,367 --> 00:39:08,300 And anyway, most 15-year-olds enjoy a good. 692 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:09,267 Shafting. 693 00:39:09,367 --> 00:39:10,900 You know, the hormones are raging. 694 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,000 We targeted nonces in an effort to ensure that they wouldn't 695 00:39:14,100 --> 00:39:15,433 have any money left for-- 696 00:39:15,533 --> 00:39:18,533 for sweets or puppies or whatever it is they 697 00:39:18,633 --> 00:39:20,033 use to get their end away. 698 00:39:20,133 --> 00:39:23,400 But when they barged in our home yesterday, 699 00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:26,533 we were thrown into a nightmare. 700 00:39:26,633 --> 00:39:30,033 We're the heroes in all of this, not the villains. 701 00:39:35,667 --> 00:39:36,500 Thank you. 702 00:39:41,533 --> 00:39:44,933 Case dismissed. 703 00:39:45,033 --> 00:39:47,600 Who's a clever boy, Micky. 704 00:39:47,700 --> 00:39:51,767 Wrong date on warrant, improper police paperwork. 705 00:39:55,433 --> 00:39:57,267 This is the living room. 706 00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:05,233 Yes. 707 00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:06,633 Do you watch Corrie? 708 00:40:06,733 --> 00:40:07,733 Of course. 709 00:40:07,833 --> 00:40:09,233 Good. 710 00:40:09,333 --> 00:40:11,167 Could've have been shortest marriage in history. 711 00:40:19,700 --> 00:40:22,433 Thank you. 712 00:40:22,533 --> 00:40:23,333 There. 713 00:40:28,067 --> 00:40:29,900 I better unpack. 714 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,667 That can wait. 715 00:40:31,767 --> 00:40:34,233 I have a little surprise. 716 00:40:34,333 --> 00:40:38,300 I suppose you could call it a wedding present. 717 00:40:47,433 --> 00:40:50,767 This one's for you, the mahogany. 718 00:40:50,867 --> 00:40:52,567 I bought mine years ago. 719 00:40:52,667 --> 00:40:54,567 Well, I-- 720 00:40:54,667 --> 00:40:58,367 I'm not going to pass those things every time I come in. 721 00:40:58,467 --> 00:41:01,000 You can shift them in the spare room. 722 00:41:01,100 --> 00:41:02,067 No need for that. 723 00:41:16,567 --> 00:41:17,767 Go on. 724 00:41:17,867 --> 00:41:18,667 Surprise me. 725 00:41:28,133 --> 00:41:29,300 I didn't realize you-- 726 00:41:32,967 --> 00:41:34,800 am I not enough to live for? 727 00:41:34,900 --> 00:41:36,367 Oh, Patty. 728 00:41:36,467 --> 00:41:39,767 Because I thought you'd change your mind once we were married. 729 00:41:39,867 --> 00:41:41,167 I thought you'd want to be with me. 730 00:41:41,267 --> 00:41:43,033 Oh, believe me, I do. 731 00:41:43,133 --> 00:41:46,100 Do That's why I still want you to come with me. 732 00:41:51,367 --> 00:41:55,467 We could have a good life. 733 00:41:55,567 --> 00:41:58,633 You only feel like this, because you've been on your own 734 00:41:58,733 --> 00:42:01,200 so long. 735 00:42:01,300 --> 00:42:05,167 Once you have people around, here, people who need you, 736 00:42:05,267 --> 00:42:06,600 everything changes. 737 00:42:06,700 --> 00:42:08,900 Patty, I've been ringing your help line for years. 738 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:09,833 I know. 739 00:42:09,933 --> 00:42:10,800 I know. 740 00:42:10,900 --> 00:42:12,433 It's only a matter of time. 741 00:42:12,533 --> 00:42:13,433 Yes, but-- 742 00:42:13,533 --> 00:42:16,167 Your daughter has her own life now. 743 00:42:16,267 --> 00:42:21,067 You wouldn't want to die alone in some grotty nursing home. 744 00:42:21,167 --> 00:42:22,167 No, but-- 745 00:42:27,967 --> 00:42:29,433 Come with me, Patty. 746 00:42:31,833 --> 00:42:32,667 Today. 747 00:42:40,300 --> 00:42:41,133 You OK? 748 00:42:44,967 --> 00:42:50,767 Just see it as going away on our honeymoon 749 00:42:50,867 --> 00:42:53,100 that will last eternity. 750 00:42:59,033 --> 00:43:02,067 See you on the other side. 751 00:43:07,733 --> 00:43:18,200 Five, four, three, two, one. 752 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,000 I'm having a few problems. 753 00:44:04,100 --> 00:44:06,633 Not on the kitchen table, Carl. 754 00:44:06,733 --> 00:44:07,533 How'd you get that? 755 00:44:11,133 --> 00:44:12,667 Punter won't pay their installment. 756 00:44:12,767 --> 00:44:13,633 Which one? 757 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:17,833 Walker. 758 00:44:17,933 --> 00:44:20,000 Debbie Walker? 759 00:44:20,100 --> 00:44:21,500 A woman. 760 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,700 Where are the babies? 761 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:24,600 Well, at the creche. 762 00:44:24,700 --> 00:44:26,133 What bleeding creche? 763 00:44:33,100 --> 00:44:35,900 What? 764 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,800 I'm taking you off the rounds, mate. 765 00:44:37,900 --> 00:44:39,833 You've got enough on your plate here. 766 00:44:39,933 --> 00:44:42,600 I'll start helping out with Cilla more. 767 00:44:42,700 --> 00:44:43,833 I'll do her night feeds. 768 00:44:43,933 --> 00:44:48,233 Mondays, not on a bingo night. 769 00:44:48,333 --> 00:44:51,267 MICKY (VOICEOVER): We all end up with some sort of baggage. 770 00:44:51,367 --> 00:44:53,133 But the thing that determines whether you'll be carting 771 00:44:53,233 --> 00:44:56,000 around a little Gucci or a fuck off Samsonite 772 00:44:56,100 --> 00:44:59,633 for the rest of your life, it's all about how much 773 00:44:59,733 --> 00:45:02,500 is invested in you as a nipper. 774 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:07,433 I may not be bringing in any actual money, but what I do 775 00:45:07,533 --> 00:45:09,333 is priceless. 776 00:45:09,433 --> 00:45:12,867 After all, I'm busy creating the future. 777 00:45:12,967 --> 00:45:16,333 [music playing]