[music playing]
[theme music]
[sirens, barking]
[heckles] Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
[cheering]
Come and watch pikies making a mess of the lives
they were given by him upstairs and kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
(ANGRILY) Stay away!
What sounds on earth could ever replace--
Hey!
--kids needing money or wives in your face?
[barks]
Cuz this, people reckon, and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented--
[yelling]
--to calm us all down, stop us going mental.
[yells]
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
We are worth every penny.
We're grinding your axes.
You shit on our head, (LAUGHING) but you pay the taxes.
[laughter]
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers
who come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now!
[laughs]
Scatter!
[music playing]
MIMI (VOICEOVER): After all these years of marriage,
I can truly hand on heart say, better
to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
What a load of bollocks.
Mimi.
Patrick.
It's what I need, Mimi.
New start, new challenges.
I know, for both of us.
Come on or we're gonna be late.
Patrick has had a brilliant business opportunity
offered to him in Ireland.
Nightclubs, two in Belfast, one in Lisbon.
I've always turned the offer down before
because it means relocating.
We want to move on with our lives separately.
It won't be necessary.
This wedding certificate, I'm afraid to say, is fake.
You what?
It's not worth the paper it's written on.
But we signed it at the church with Father Jim.
Therein lies the problem.
Come here you fucking fraudster!
Come here!
[grunting]
Bollocks!
Father Jim wasn't a Father?
Not according to Interpol.
And this means?
You, um, cannot actually be granted a divorce
because you were never married.
(ANGRILY) You what?
Carl, give me a ring as soon as you can.
Ahk!
Good timing.
Stella's having her afternoon nap
and we're late enough as it was. - For what?
Book club.
Oh, fucking hell.
Till when?
[sighs] "Willy Wonka" is on the telly at 5:00.
She'll love that. - Oh, fucking delightful.
That'll be all right, then, won't it?
And if you're good--
Yes.
I might go by the offy on the way
home and grab you a four-pack.
Oh, well, let-- oh, just give us a few--
just give us few quids now-- - No
--for some cigs.
I haven't had a smoke in over three hours.
- Get out, no! - Come on.
You need to tell him you're not a cash cow.
Stay out of it, mother.
Milking you dry!
Yeah, stay out of it mo--
I bet she's got some cash stashed away.
Balance your budget with a bit more conviction, Frank.
And?
And I might take a look at increasing your overdraft.
OK, sir?
Stella's asleep in her cot.
[door slams shut]
[stella cries]
In the eyes of God, I'm no better than a fucking prossy.
And what about Mandy and Fergal?
Denied access through the pearly gates!
Stuck up there in purgatory forever!
Whose fault's that?
The prick that dressed up in a cassock
and pretended to be a priest.
Wrong answer.
It's your fault!
What?
I wouldn't wipe me own ass with this!
[coughs]
Get out!
[pants]
Where did you find Father Jim?
I can't remember.
I don't know.
He was a friend of a client. I was in a rush.
You made me rush.
Because I didn't want to walk down the aisle in me
third trimester, that's why.
You did it on purpose.
Are you taking a piss?
How was I supposed to know?
It all makes sense now.
You thought I was tricking you into getting
married so you picked any Al, Tom, Dick,
or Jim just to shut me up.
And the kids, they're all bastards.
Tell me something I don't know.
[engine revving]
We'll have to get married again.
What?
We'll have to get married again.
No! No!
You wanted this divorce.
And how can we if, because of you,
we were never married in the first place?
[music in the distance]
We'll do it properly this time, Paddy, for the kids sake!
No one need know shit all about this.
As far as anyone's concerned, the divorce has gone
through a we're happy as Larry.
You have to meet me tonight away from here to sort this out.
So much for being amicable.
[music - gorillaz, "feel good"]
Hi, everybody.
You all right, dad?
I'm on top of the world, son.
It's official, I'm a free man.
And more importantly, I'm a free woman.
You all right?
It just needs to sink in.
It's not as if they're going to just split up.
Well, not going to split up.
It's just that we're all orphans.
[stella cries]
[sighs] [blows]
[stella cries]
[microwave rings]
[coughs]
Fuck!
You OK?
Never better.
Even got meself a date later.
Fantastic!
Who's the lucky fella?
Met him last week in the ready-meal
section in [inaudible].
Hey, what's he like?
Fucking gorgeous.
What's his name?
Jack Beam.
Hurray!
[cheering, applause]
[chatter on tv]
MAXINE: No way!
[laughter] [door closes]
IAN: That's what he said.
[laughter]
[sighs]
It's understandable if you feel bad about your mum
and dad, you know?
We used to have tea together every Sunday.
Dad was never home in the week and Sundays
was the only day he was.
Now, even if it was just fish finger burgers,
it didn't matter so long as we was all there around the table.
My favorite time of the whole week.
Some people never have what you had.
Move on.
That's just life.
That's what families do.
What's the point in marriage or families
if they're always going to collapse anyway?
Well, you can't say that.
Yeah, I can.
Driving up [inaudible] it if it's all going to go tits up.
Save meself the [inaudible].
I'll stick to being single.
Come on.
We're going out. - What?
Don't argue.
Just get ready.
[MUSIC - SUEDE, "BEAUTIFUL ONES"]
FRANK: Well, that's a good little girl, Stella.
Your brother will be back soon.
Daddy won't be long, sweetheart.
[grunts] [inaudible] [sighs]
(WHISPERING) Thank you! Thank you!
Back by midnight or you're grounded.
Too much cleavage?
Taking a piss!
You can never have enough cleavage.
I begs to differ.
See you later.
See you, mum.
Shane, come on.
Dad's house, lad's night in.
[men cheering]
What the fuck!
[men cheering]
MAN: Here you are, Paddy.
Get a beer in ya, dad.
[cell phone rings]
Divorced boys are all the rage, laddies.
Dad.
MAN: Hey!
FRANK: Hey, lads!
MAN: Woo!
[inaudible]
Cheers!
[cheering]
[laughter]
What the fuck are we celebrating?
[rustling]
Rosalita?
Oh, no.
OK, OK, I know.
The bonnet, before you say it, it is dyed.
But I preferred to use the word colored.
I'm not Rosalita.
Now I've shed a few years off me age.
I thought if I told the truth, you might not turn up.
Um, oh-- and I added just a few inches to me height.
What do you think?
Good enough for Tom Cruise.
Excuse me?
It's me, Herbert!
I'm not Rosalita.
I never will be Rosalita.
Do you understand?
Now do me a favor, you desperate piece of shit, do one.
Although, I prefer the words, fuck off!
[men cheering]
[door screeching]
[pants]
Herbert?
Rosalita.
Pleased to meet you, Rosalita.
But I'm afraid I'm not Herbert.
You'll certainly do though.
So don't tell me you've been stood up as well?
Kind of.
Well, can I get you a drink to make up for it?
Here we go. Gay?
Ha!
[chuckles]
Married?
(CHUCKLING) Ha, might have known.
Actually, no, not ever.
Well, then, what's your problem?
Nothing, sweetheart, it's just normally
I'm the one that pays the drinks.
What would you like?
I'll have a vodka lime and lemonade, please.
- Double? - Why not?
Good.
[club music]
I'll get these.
God, I'm sorry.
How to put someone off in 10 seconds.
You know, next I'll be asking you if you come here often.
Ha!
Or would you prefer the funny angle?
If this bar is a meat market, you must the prime rib.
It's not funny, though.
Ha!
Someone actually said that to me once.
What, you serious?
On my life, proper dick.
Gary.
[club music]
Come on through.
There's beer in the fridge. Help yourself.
[gary peeing]
[clinking]
Did all myself.
What?
This place, did it meself.
[toilet flushing]
It's mint.
I'm an architect.
Yeah.
What about you?
I've got my own company.
Oh, doing what?
Credit control.
You know, it's high end of the market.
You know, big rewards on the back of the credit crunch.
It can be ruthless, but I love it.
Yeah, it sounds like you do.
You know, people always said I'd
never do anything with my life.
You know, so I wanted to prove them all wrong.
Yeah, so I did.
--stole.
Oh, you bastards!
We warned ya.
Slut.
Nothing wrong with ambition.
So what you into?
Just a smoke to start with.
Bear massage, some oral.
You know, I prefer the 69.
I don't usually go in for penetration on the first date,
unless maybe anal beads.
You know, if you've got 'em.
I meant music.
Oh.
[exhales]
Morning, Frank.
Toast?
Yeah, if it's no trouble.
No trouble at all.
[scraping toast]
(ANGRILY) I don't think so sunshine!
(NONCHALANTLY) No, trouble at all.
[frank exhales]
(ANGRILY) How dare you!
Fucking hell!
Do you think Libby would give you a second glance if she
knew you stole my savings? - Oh, yeah?
And what about you?
What is it, the benefit, for all these days?
10 years max! - No!
You give those back!
[grunts] Are you never satisfied, woman?
You've got a roof over your head.
You'd be fucked if it wasn't for me.
Desolate!
Homeless!
Doesn't give you the right to take my money.
Oh, yes it does, sunshine.
Anyway what's an old crow like you gonna spend the money on?
Fucking Cum Plasters?
I am your landlord, ey?
Benefit cards, money is my mine.
Comprende?
[door slams open]
Is this your idea of revenge is it?
Oh, not satisfied with ruining our first marriage.
You want to fuck this one up as well!
I got distracted.
Father Tony, a legitimate priest,
is trying to raise cash for his new church roof
and I said we might be able to help him out.
You want to put things right, meet me there at half 10:00.
[paddy grunts]
Come on, shift!
[sighs]
Mimi, Rosalita.
Rosalita, Mimi.
Don't be late.
Leave the dog at home.
I'll be straight with you.
I can't do it.
It's against all we stand for here, Mimi.
You know that. - God won't mind.
How could he mind?
I can understand what this means to you.
But a blessing from me isn't going
to take away the fact that your children remain illegitimate.
With respect, Father, we didn't come here for a lecture.
Don't!
You're supposed to be a man of religion,
an ambassador of good will. What a load of crap!
You can't say crap in church.
I'll say what I like, church or no church.
It wouldn't hurt you to help up out, would it?
Let's cut to the chase, shall we?
We know all about you, lad.
-
MIMI: Oh, so [inaudible].
Throwing your weight around the population at Chatsworth
doesn't mean you can throw it about around God.
Not here, pal. - Who are you calling pal?
You don't scare me.
That's because you've already got the fear of God
firmly implanted up your--
Paddy!
To think that someone would actually dress up
and try and imitate this hypocrisy.
It's not his fault!
You should leave.
Now!
(ANGRILY) I should have had an abortion
when I had the chance because you're not fit to be a father!
(SWEETLY) I'm sorry, Jesus.
I didn't mean what I said about the abortion.
I'd of had a hundred of his kids.
I'll say 10 Hail Mary's.
You're not staying for a brew, hot lips?
Is there any point?
I like you.
I like you too if you must know.
You could at least leave me your number.
What?
So I can keep checking me phone and wonder
why you've not called?
It's not my style.
You call me then.
I'd like that.
Let's go for a drink.
Nothing heavy, mm?
[smirks]
[exhales] Sorry I'm late.
I've been stinging some fit bird.
Oh, yeah?
What's his name?
Right, the Reillys old pals of mine.
They've got a few burger vans started about the place.
Some new firm's been treading on their patch up at Hill Top.
They're paying us to get rid of them.
What?
We know.
We're already onto it.
It's mom's suggestion.
She wanted to make sure we handle the business side
of things here from now on.
My contact though.
But you're going away though.
Anything else?
No, not at the moment.
All right, then.
Best be getting off.
[music playing]
Gary, I was just wondering, um, do you fancy that drink?
I mean, it's just a drink, you know?
Although, that's up to you. (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) I'm easy.
But, listen, if you're busy and that, it's no hassle.
You know, I mean, there's plenty of other I've got to do.
Like, um-- like, ah--
well, I've got to go to the doctor's.
Not that I've got herpes or nothing.
You know, it's just like a-- a medical like once
every six months time.
[car door opens]
[bells ringing on tv]
[knocking]
Thought I'd cheer meself with a bit of make believe.
Because that's what all marriage was, fiction.
[sighs] It was real for us.
[tv off]
We tell him he's got two days.
If he's not shifted by then, things
are gonna get really nasty.
Right, yeah.
(AGGRESSIVELY) Hey!
I though we told you to be gone by Wednesday.
You taking a piss or what?
(SHOCKED) Since when did architects flip burgers?
Did you ever love me?
Or did you just marry me because it was the right thing to do?
Of course I loved you.
Ireland, why exactly?
Business.
Or pleasure?
You've got some slut tucked back in the homeland haven't you?
(MEEKLY) I just wanted to impress.
Or is this your credit control?
[honking]
A branch of it, yeah.
The flat?
It's me brothers.
I'm minding it till he gets back next week.
So you were just stringing me along with all your lies?
It's still fucking Arlene, isn't it?
Arlene?
(LAUGHING) Cousin Arlene?
Away enough times on business.
You were never here for the birth of any of our kids.
You could even have a second family.
You've lost it, you mad bitch.
Well, you know everything now.
I haven't gotten anymore secrets.
Micky!
Look, just lick it.
He's a proper mental bastard.
He'll fuck you up!
Can't you tell him that you know me?
Tell him about us? - (WHISPERING) Fuck!
I said lick it.
I'm not the only one with a secret, am I?
[grunts]
[bang]
I'm giving him 48 hours.
He'll be gone all right.
You better find a priest to marry
us so we can get divorced.
Because if I have to find one, I swear,
Paddy, it's be to perform the viaticum before packing
you in a box back to Ireland!
I didn't think I'd see you again.
Look, I panicked.
Eh--
A box of choccies or some flowers would have been nice.
Why didn't you tell me you were a Maguire?
Well, does it matter?
No, not at all.
So you don't mind about the--
Oh, this?
Nah.
You can give me another one later if you like.
[smirks]
So we still boyfriends then?
God, yeah!
I'm shagging Paddy Maguire.
Just promise me you'll keep it stum.
You know-- you know it's, ah--
I like to keep a low profile.
Yeah?
[breathes heavily]
Paddy!
Yeah?
When me brother gets back, I'm going to be homeless.
I wanted to ask you if I can stay at yours?
Now, I know we've only been together for a couple of days,
but it doesn't have to be every--
Thanks.
Just think of it as keeping on the sofa.
But you'll be in my bed.
Yeah?
Toppin' it.
Mmm, I though we were just having a bit of fun.
Yeah, we are, aren't we?
Yeah.
So let me keep at yours then.
Keep things like this.
Why mess with the momentum?
[hands rubbing]
GARY (VOICEOVER): I'm shagging Paddy Maguire.
(ECHOING) Paddy Maguire.
Paddy Maguire.
[exhales]
[MUSIC - OASIS, "CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA"]
What's with the face?
Nothing much.
I just fucked up, that's all.
I've said something I shouldn't have
and it's too late to put it right.
Take it from me.
It's never too late to put things right.
What about you and mum?
I know what I did was wrong and I
live with a lot of regrets.
But what can I do? Let it cripple me?
What's the point in that?
Got a life to live.
I have to make it work.
Do you regret mum?
I could never regret that, son.
[MUSIC - OASIS, "CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA"]
Where's the fucking fire?
Civic Hall's got a slot.
- When? - 4 o'clock today.
He's been helping me.
(ANGRILY) Listen!
All right, all right.
What exactly is it you want me to do?
I'm going to be there when he takes you up the isle.
He's gonna be best man.
And maid of honor.
Right, I best start.
Shit loads to sort.
You could at least look happy about it.
Civic Hall!
I did the best I could on short notice.
[sighs]
But we're religious.
Patrick, please!
Patrick!
We do this or we don't.
Your call.
[door shuts]
I know what your game is.
Because of my faith, you thought I'd call it off.
Not gonna work.
We're getting married at 4 o'clock
today, whether you like it or not.
Am I making myself clear?
Excuse me.
Oh, I don't think so.
(SHOCKED) What?
Do you mind?
Let--
Well?
[sighs]
[tsks]
[exhales]
Tony Barton, remember him?
He knew you since you were a wee babee.
They gave him four month to live, poor bastard.
It came straight around.
Signed it over to me.
As far as they know, he's still alive.
The system paid us nothing when your father dumped me and left
the two of us alone on skint.
I do this for you and me.
Who do you think's been paying for your extra medication
all these years?
It's my revenge!
You understand that, don't you.
Well, Frank violated that arrangement.
He deserved it.
I did it to save ya.
From what?
That joker!
When are you going to realize that he's the man I love.
You love his family.
You've still got them.
Stop complaining!
Liam, your dad's been arrested.
I know.
Carl told me.
Laters.
[door closes]
[exhales]
I need money to bail him out, mother.
Where is it?
Where is the money?
[sighs] Over my dead body!
[laughs]
She just doesn't want me to be happy.
Every time!
Don't know what's wrong with her?
Well, you know, we could put her in a home.
You know, or euthanasia.
One-way ticket in a cuckoo clock.
Look, the minute you bail us out of here,
babe, that's what we'll do, ey?
[kiss]
We can't afford the bail.
What!
No!
(WHINING) They'll cart me off to prison if we can't pay.
Fucking hell!
I can't cope with this.
You don't know what it's like.
Oh, OK, you do.
Look, your mother has got money stashed away somewhere.
Find it! Just get me out of here.
I'll see what I can do, but I might need a bit of time.
Ah!
Fucking time.
Mine's running out!
You know what?
Their transferring some fucking nut from another prison
to my holding cell before his trial.
Calls himself Shit Burglar or Burger or something like that.
He-- He's lost five cellmates.
[krrr] And if I don't get out of here
soon, I'm going to be number six.
Uh-huh.
Crisis.
Mum's getting married today. I heard her telling dad.
What?
Who the hell to?
That new fellow.
What?
The one from the super market, Jack Beam?
They've only been on a couple of dates.
We've not even met this bloke.
What is she playing at?
She's on the rebound!
What's dad say?
Well, he didn't look best pleased.
Not really any of his business now they're divorced.
- It is if he still loves her. - Yeah?
And what makes you think that?
Apart from the fact you never left your moms tit!
Something he said, actually.
He got all emotional and misty eyed over mum before.
But we've got to stop it, for mum as much as dad.
She needs to make her own mistakes, Micky.
It's been a week, Karen.
I mean, ain't getting married after a week more than a
just a mistake?
Who is this gazer?
Where does he live?
[music playing]
Gorgeous.
Ready?
[grunting in pain]
Is that the last?
Sorted.
[scoffs] You cock!
You didn't turn the page over.
Bollocks!
Fucking hell!
There's only one option left.
Come on.
Love is patient.
Love is kind and not jealous.
Love does not brag and is not arrogant.
(WHISPERING) Did you choose these words?
(WHISPERING) Did I?
Fuck!
[clears throat] Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness.
Love rejoices in the truth.
[running steps]
Love endures all things.
Love is not provoked, does not take into account wrongs of--
Wait!
Oh!
Mum? Dad?
What the fuck!
Look, I'm sorry it's not what you thi--
Shh.
I love your mother.
I couldn't let her go.
We've both made mistakes, but--
I think I speak for all of those when I say thank you.
This is the happiest day of my life, our lives.
I love you, Mimi.
[clears throat] Sorry.
I now pronounce you man and wife.
[applause]
[step dancing music on radio]
[radio off]
Think because Frank's not here things will
go back to the way they were?
Not happening!
[door slams]
[distant voices]
[keys jingling]
[cell door shuts]
Here you go, love.
Thank you.
[music playing]
[zips up]
[instrumental irish music]
[cheering, applause]
[MUSIC - THE BLACK EYED PEAS, "BOOM BOOM POW"]
I know my son.
And I know when he's distracted by something.
Why don't you ask her over for tea?
God, Micky, she's not a fucking vegan is she?
No, but--
Have you told you love her yet?
Nah!
Don't you think it's about time you did?
I think I fucked it up by telling a few lies.
And she's fallen for it?
If you want the relationship to work, tell her the truth.
It's the only basis for a solid future.
She must like you for you.
OK, everyone!
Eh, I think it's probably time that happy couple had
a little bit of time on their own.
Yeah, you can have your old room back!
[laughter, cheering]
[inaudible]
Hey!
[thumping]
MIMI: My ass is in bulk.
PADDY: Don't ruin the moment.
How are we going to get out of this hole?
I don't know.
You should have just told them the truth.
What?
Oh, aye!
(SARCASTICALLY) Sons, we found out our marriage wasn't real,
but we got married again so you'd all be legitimized.
Do you know I fucked up that, sons?
Nothing's changed.
I still want a divorce.
OK.
And I'm still leaving tomorrow!
[dance music, laughter]
Yo, get on this!
I just got a call.
You know that prick on the burger van?
He's on about blabbing to people that he's
shagging Paddy Maguire.
Fucking cock!
How could you betray me?
I had no choice.
Just tell me where the money is and I'll post your bail.
Dead simple.
Over my dead body.
The-- the basin of my commode.
Libby.
Libby!
[sighs]
[car alarm]
Oh, my God.
Our honeymoon.
[sighs]
You carried that around in your pocket for two years, you know?
Got a confession to make.
It's not from Giant's Causeway.
Our Shane got the real ones stuck up his nose
when you was away in Belfast.
Nearly had to throw him [inaudible]..
Got our Jamie to go out and find another stone when we got back.
So I walked around with this in my pocket for nothing then?
[chuckles]
I wouldn't let you wash this, remember?
Oh, God, my tears.
You wanted to keep my tears.
The day our Lennon was shot.
Nothing to do with Lennon.
Our Jamie said his first word that day, (IMITATING JAMIE)
"mum."
His first word was "dad."
Mandy's first word was "dad."
- Cheers, mate. - Cheers.
Thanks very much.
Feel good shagging the cock at Chatsworth, ey?
You shouting the odds off about me.
I said keep stum, didn't I?
Oh, Paddy, listen.
I'm not Paddy Maguire, OK?
What?
I'm tired with the lies!
Mine! Yours!
Everyone else's!
It's not worth it!
Look, you want to know the truth?
I'm a closet poofter who wears furry slippers.
I file me toenails.
I like the "Waltons."
No, I love the "Waltons."
And I had a dog.
Well, it used to suck me off!
So you still want to go out then, ey?
You're not Paddy?
Yeah, I thought not.
Sss.
[thump]
Get this van out of here by midnight
or I'll fucking scalp ya.
[pants]
Which was hers?
They were all hers.
We did all right, you and me, you know?
I know, love.
There were good days.
We were a brilliant family.
We are a brilliant family.
[rattling]
I'm sorry I couldn't make it work.
(WHISPERING) Keep it, Paddy.
No.
[sniffles]
You keep it.
It'll remind you of how it used to be, that life we had.
You're a good dad.
Deep down in there, you're a good man.
[somber music]
What the fuck are you doing?
What does it look like?
Making a mistake.
Now, I know your marriage is a sham.
I heard you both talking about divorce and Ireland.
Well, don't try and deny it.
Mum, you told me that the only basis for a solid relationship
is the truth.
So is this because it's love?
Not just because it's easy?
Just do the right thing!
Not for us, or anyone else, but for you.
We'll love you no matter what.
[door shuts]
Way!
[laughs] [claps] You know, you shouldn't beat
yourself about it, mate.
I mean, if we're all really honest,
I wouldn't say it's that much for us
to murder one of our kids.
Most of us might stop at dismembering, though, you know?
[laughs] I'm-- I'm only fucking with you, come on!
Come on, you're deal.
[sighs] Oh!
Hey!
[kissing]
Gonna let mum stew for a while.
All right.
And you and me, sweetheart, are going out gallivanting.
Oh, I fucking love you, Libby Crocker!
Mmm!
[kissing]
MIMI (VOICEOVER): The first dates I had with Paddy,
I was wearing this little black dress.
I looked great.
He knew it and I knew it.
What are you going to tell the other two?
Don't worry about them.
They're used to you disappearing and me just being around.
MIMI (VOICEOVER): I wore that dress again
for our first anniversary.
I couldn't get into it for the second or third.
I didn't chuck it out, though.
Hung onto it for years, telling meself
that one day it'd fit again.
[mimi chuckles]
It never did.
It was in the wardrobe years, just hanging, waiting.
Goodbye, Mimi.
[grunts]
MIMI (VOICEOVER): In the end, I had
to admit defeat and let it go.
It just didn't fit anymore.
It just didn't fit.
[door shuts]
[theme music]
REPORTER (ON TV): Elsewhere, police
are investigating a spate of disappearances
in Manchester area.
They say it is a particularly unusual case,
as all the victims have the name Jay Beam.
And in other news, rallies today continued
outside the Town Hall.
The message was clear--
I fucking love my kids.
[music playing]