[music playing]
Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Come on then.
Come on then, lass.
Pikeys making a mess of the lives they were given
by him upstairs and kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
Stay away.
What sounds on Earth could ever replace kids needing
money or wives in your face?
Because this, people reckon and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented, to calm us
all down, stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials,
we are worth every penny for grinding your axes.
You shit on our heads.
But you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers,
who'll come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now.
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now.
[music playing]
Scatter!
[music playing]
LIBBY (VOICEOVER): The human heart is powerful missile.
Like all muscles, if you don't flex it once in a while,
it becomes tired, flabby, and weak.
Confined to a prison cell, I kept my heart active with one
pure thought, that the love of my life
was waiting for me on the outside, ready to care for me,
hold me close, and tell me everything was all right.
Mom.
No knight in a white Charger.
No windswept Polak.
Just me.
Only person full enough to put up with you.
LIBBY (VOICEOVER): This time--
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
LIBBY (VOICEOVER): I'm not going to let
it slip through my fingers.
I'll find my love.
And that's what you've blown your redundancy on.
God forbid you treat your mother to a Balearic cruise,
new wheelchair, pair of shoes.
I'm taking knowledge to the people.
And it's my mode of transport in my search for--
You're wasting your time on him.
There's a reason you're on your own.
You're an acquired taste, like tripe.
Look, I'm prepared to put up with you.
Lord knows no one else would.
JAMIE: Karen, you seen my phone?
Been busy, haven't we?
Hey.
Races with a few of the lads.
Don't blow it on somehow nag now.
PATTY: Where was he when you were incarcerated?
Where was he when you needed support, needed love?
Where were you?
I was out in rain and snow negotiating dog shit
and cripple kickers, collecting signatures for the petition
for your release.
Five names in your handwriting does not a petition make.
He doesn't love you.
He doesn't know how.
I experienced more love in a few short hours with him
than in all of the empty years before him.
If there is the remotest chance that he
has a space in his heart for me, then I have to find him.
And I will.
Knickers.
I will.
PATTY: No.
Knickers.
Wonder if you can help me.
I'm looking for someone. - Is that right?
I have little information, but I can describe him to you.
Go for it.
Well, he's about your height, wild long brown hair,
bit worn around the edges.
It's vitally important that I speak with him.
Wild, long, brown hair.
Goes by the name of Frank.
There's no bells ringing.
Nothing.
I know he's around here somewhere.
- DSS. - It's a social.
Can I help you, love?
I'm looking for a man.
Aren't we all?
His name's Frank.
Frank.
No, sorry.
I have to find him.
Have to.
May I powder my nose?
Is that a euphemism?
Yes.
Fill your boots.
Is that a euphemism?
We could go on all day.
Door on the left.
Actually, love, I've just remembered.
They're out of order.
Sorry.
I've been feeding that all day.
I knew it was about to pay out.
Well, it obviously just needed a woman's touch.
Is that right?
MAXINE: Either you've got it or you haven't.
I lay a finger on Ian and he goes off like a rocket.
He always lasted a bit longer with me.
You know, prolonging the pleasure.
He's insatiable.
A right sex bomb.
Well, the bomb only goes off once, doesn't it?
More of machine gun with me, bang,
reload, bang, reload, bang.
Might be something lacking in your technique.
What he really likes is two fingers.
Stop shit stirring and fuck off.
50/50?
Fuck off.
Fuck are you doing?
Nervous energy.
This kitchen floor hasn't been cleaned in months.
Stinks of baby shit in here.
Dad that smell's got fuck all to do with the baby.
They've got over 3,000 board officers
carrying 2,000 investigations every week.
They've got mobile surveillance units, hidden cameras.
They're closing in.
Some twisted twat has phone the hotline.
Can't stand to see a man try and better himself,
provide for his--
[knocking]
You don't know me.
LIBBY: I was told Frank lives here.
Never heard of him.
Well, if you do come across him, tell him--
tell him I won't be bothering them again.
I thought there was something there,
but obviously there wasn't.
That's all.
Hey, if I'm paying for it, I want better than you.
DSS.
I flushed a lovely bird down the lav this morning.
Seems a shame to poison him.
But they keep pecking at me semi-skimmed.
I'm a marked man.
Eyes following me everywhere, waiting to pounce.
Me number's up, Lillian.
My clock's ticking tick tock, tick tock.
[music playing]
(SINGING) You know it's me.
Can't--
LIBBY AND FRANK: To the tender night,
which heaven to gaudy day denies.
What's with the new telly?
Punters kept complaining about the quality of the porn.
This is HD.
They'll have lulus coming at them, and every which way.
BRENDON (TV): Lillian.
Lillian.
Brendon?
B50.
Oh, there he is.
Public enemy number one.
Don't.
You don't know what it's like living in constant fear.
Cheating everyone as a potential threat.
Be looking over my shoulder the rest of me natural.
No change there then.
I might be able to help you out there.
No.
Rearranging my face is not an option.
No thine enemy, Francis, in glorious black and white.
[music playing]
Libby.
Whoa.
You don't mind sticking your tongue in everywhere.
You're made for the job.
Duck To water.
You just keep that enthusiasm up.
Yeah, well, I got to get it somewhere.
Well, you'll be getting more than enough.
You're booked for the whole day.
My clients are waiting for you.
Where?
What's the address?
Just follow the directions.
I'm telling you that were my Brendon.
You read about these spirits coming
through the static, electronic voice just
coming from beyond the grave.
You been sniffing in the poppers again?
That was just to clear my sinuses.
I've been chosen as a vessel.
Karen, can you take Connor for a bit?
Me arm's fucking killing me.
Daddy's home.
I've got to go straight back out.
Sorry.
Wouldn't be shirking your parental responsibilities,
would you?
I don't mind taking Connor off your hands.
But I'm fucked if I'm playing full-time manageress
and psychiatric nurse.
Karen's all right.
It's you she needs.
Look, I'll get your dad in tonight to man the bar, while I
man the baby, so you two can--
What?
Go for a nice meal or have a quiet night in?
She would never know I was there.
Beware the Scarlet Woman.
She says you're a fool.
Fuck off, you weirdo.
This could be you.
It's initial K. An older man has put
you in a very awkward position.
And he's dangling something over you.
Happens to me every day of week.
She's a good girl, Karen.
It's complicated.
Yeah, well you can't go running out the door
every time things get rough.
You think I don't know that?
From where I'm sitting?
I was right, wasn't I?
He was nowhere to be seen.
Each and every time a man enters your life,
you lose all sense of reason.
Each and every time?
There have been three men in my life, Mother.
And all wasters.
You set your sights too low.
That's always been your problem.
I've been told to, since I was a kid.
I hope you're not insinuating.
Don't wear your skirts so short, Libby.
You've not got the legs for it.
Got calves only a cow could love.
Don't worry, Libby.
Looks aren't everything.
You had skin like bubble wrap.
There are some smells even a deodorant just can't disguise,
Libby.
You had a traumatic puberty.
I turned down every opportunity of happiness, just
for you.
I could've been a wife, a mother.
He's doing all he can to avoid you.
That's my point.
I thought we could go out with the baby this aft,
get some fresh air, the three of us.
You should've said earlier.
Well, I didn't think we had to book.
Got something on.
Obviously.
Karen, I don't want a row.
You're not getting one.
Had a run of good luck on the horses.
That's what your mother said.
Gonna pay off Karen's cards.
Doing well.
Careful though.
Everyone's luck runs out eventually.
[phone ringing]
Don't want to end up losing everything.
I have to take this.
What?
Yeah?
Well, it's not QV-fucking-C is it?
Look, I don't like doing business over the phone.
It's not convenient.
Who was that?
Jaime?
He's got a lot on.
A lot of pressure.
You both have.
KAREN: I've not made things any easier for him.
All I can do is get out of bed in the mornings.
Jamie's-- he's keeping all this going.
I'll have a word.
Might make things a bit easier.
No, Paddy.
Thank you.
But no.
It's husband and wife stuff.
He needs to let off a bit of steam now
and then, get off the leash a bit.
Let's just let him.
You know, I could make life easier for you, Jamie.
All I'm saying is that if you're looking for a way
out, because it's all too much at home, you got it.
I'll help you through it.
We can get through this, babe.
I'm doing this, doing you, to get my family out of the shit.
You fuck me, because you love me.
I fuck you, because you pay me.
Oh, cheers.
Not nothing stronger?
Let's begin.
Something's just brushed against me.
I swear.
Grow a pair of bollocks, will you?
They're here.
Speak slowly, lover.
I can't make it out.
Oh, Bunty.
I don't know how to break it to you,
but you've only got six months to live.
A new voice.
Micky, the Scarlet Woman is gonna take you
for everything you hold dear.
You must fight.
Who is she?
LILLIAN: I can hear someone new.
It's a young girl.
Her name starts with the letter M. She's calling for her mom.
Time to let go.
Move on.
I love you, Mandy.
We all miss you so much.
Go to the light, Mand. Go to the light.
See you next week, Frank.
Oh, we meet again.
What the hell are you doing here?
Looking for Libby.
She's dead.
Found swinging in her cell.
Hung herself with her own pop socks.
Couldn't take the rejection.
You've got blood on your hands.
I told you it would end in tears.
We are meant to be together.
We just are.
And I know it's difficult, you losing your only daughter,
stroke, unpaid full-time carer, kept under your thumb, trapped
by a narcolepsy, but it's time you faced up to the fact she's
got a life of her own to live.
Bye.
Help. Help.
Pervert.
He just exposed himself, waved it right in my face.
Oi!
Stop him.
[MUSIC - KATE BUSH, "WUTHERING HEIGHT"]
This is meant to be.
We're meant to be.
Frank.
You came for me.
KATE BUSH: [singing] Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy,
I've come home.
I'm so cold, let me in through window.
Want you make you 50 notes?
What do I have to do?
It's about waste management, something I started,
I need to finish.
Oh, oh, Frank.
Don't worry.
I can't manage it.
You've-- you've spent, longing,
dreaming about this moment.
And now that it's here, it's just all too much.
Yeah, but I've never wanted it so bad,
You don't need to tell me, Frank.
Locked up in prison.
The urges I had were all consuming.
The things that went on within those walls, Frank.
What kind of things?
Hundreds of hormonal women, starved of sexual attention,
not a man in sight.
You do the maths.
Were you ever tempted?
No, Frank.
No.
I don't mind.
What do you take me for?
I can show a little restraint.
No, I'm just saying, it wouldn't bother me.
Three, four times tops.
Look, you've made me blush now.
Tell me.
Well, I can't remember all the details.
But I was in a hot, steamy shower.
Yeah.
When in walked the Mackenzie sisters,
two notorious lesbian siblings.
Their greedy hands quickly got to work on me, building up
a soapy lather across my breasts,
pinching at my rosebud nipples.
Hands reaching between my legs.
Fingers gently tending my lady garden.
Here we go.
I'm your 6:30.
How did you know?
I don't know anything.
Intuition.
Said $200 on your website.
That should buy a couple of hours.
You should spend them with your wife and kid.
Fuck you.
Son, don't be stupid.
Stay out of my fucking business, Dad.
PADDY: Once it's gone, Jaime, there's no getting it back.
Take it from me.
I'm controlling the medication.
Her getting excited makes her narcolepsy worse.
She needs her pills.
And she also needs love and affection and a life
outside these four walls.
She wouldn't know what to do with it.
Listen, Patty.
Listen, I've waited a long time for someone like her.
All right?
I never expected to get this lucky.
Just don't fuck it up on me now.
All right?
What's going on?
PATTY: Take your pills.
FRANK: Give me.
You need to double up her dose, you know?
Maybe even triple.
This is obviously not strong.
You're not a doctor.
FRANK: Shelia, me ex-wife, was heavily medicated.
She'd need to be.
FRANK: My son Liam's an epileptic.
He was like Shakin' Stevens before I doubled up the tabs.
Now, not so much as a tremor.
He'll have you dead in a week.
Well, it's all about control.
I'm willing to try.
FRANK: Right.
What we need now is a bit of excitement.
At least wait til I've left the room.
There's a do on at the Jockey, fancy dress.
That exciting enough for you?
Yeah.
[MUSIC - ELVIS PRESLEY, "THE WONDER OF YOU"]
Sorry about that.
Who have you come as?
JFK.
Oh.
I know who the Scarlett Woman is.
Has the telly said anything about how to get rid of her?
Walk away.
What?
The harder you try, the stronger she gets.
be firm.
Act like you don't care. and you'll have
her eating out of your hand. All right?
Noddy Holder's not dead.
Rod Hull and Emu, then, eh?
Who gives a shit?
Ah, Davros.
Isn't it brilliant?
I'll get the drinks then.
Moving on.
What?
No, I was just saying, I've got a date later.
Oh, great.
I'm well pleased.
Are you?
Really?
Yeah.
Keeps you off my back.
You know, I thought me and you had something.
But looking back, I think it was just the infatuated.
You know, you came round with your fancy gay ways.
I was taken in.
It's great.
You're making a new start.
Well, don't try and stop me.
I won't.
You're late.
If it's one thing you need in this business,
besides the obvious, it's good time keeping.
I've been thinking about what you said.
And I agree.
This is a business arrangement.
So let's do business.
Now.
It's over.
This is the end.
I'll tell her, your lovely wife.
I will tell her.
When and where and how and much I paid and why--
No.
I'll tell her.
[music playing]
Don't start, Micky.
I'm not in the mood.
I'm saying nothing.
Good.
I've had enough of your sniping these last few weeks.
I was just looking out for a mate.
You were trying to split us up.
At least you're not denying it.
Just leave us, please.
You know, when it ends, when it does all fall to pieces,
when you get bored of messing around
and decide you'd much rather have a hetero,
let him down gently, eh?
You OK?
Yeah.
I'm good.
Well, don't think I'm taking orders off some pissed
up slopper from the Jockey.
I haven't married her.
We're just dating.
And she's not a slopper.
Then, why involve us?
Because I like her and it'd be nice if you all liked her
and all.
You know, she's clever and caring.
And if you ever had anything that you were worrying about,
you know, she's very understanding.
Well, let's see her then.
Oh, and don't startle here, for fucks sake.
Local?
Work?
She drives a mobile library.
Any convictions?
FRANK: One, political prisoner.
Divorced?
Widow.
What are your thoughts on globalization?
- How do you feel about drugs? - Alcohol?
- Crime? - Prostitution?
Cubism?
Music?
[interposing voices]
Is a new pattern of behavior invented
or is an old one modified.
Oh, yeah.
And she's a narcoleptic.
Really need to up her dose.
It's all right.
The others have gone.
Frighten them off?
Cleared the place.
Frank?
Dropping Stella off.
But you've all had a good laugh at me.
Yep.
Told Frank he should terminate the friendship.
Don't want him hanging around with someone mentally unstable.
No.
That's an advantage.
I see.
Your dad's told me all about you.
Must be hard having so much upheaval in your life.
And you think a narcoleptic's gonna provide
some much needed stability.
I'm quite nice, once you get to know me.
I'll be the judge of that.
I hope we can be friends.
I doubt it.
Your dad and me, we're gonna try and make a go of it.
Your funeral.
Of course, I wouldn't try to replace your mom.
Wise, because I'm not looking for one.
I'm glad we had this chance to talk.
You got spaghetti in your hair.
They hated me, Frank.
The gynecologist never probed me so deeply.
They're just keeping a lookout for me.
I made one or two mistakes in the past.
What am I getting myself into?
An honest and committed relationship.
I've got to start the meeting.
I'll be right here.
OK.
Everyone, settle down.
Now, Carol, you wanted--
she's looking for sponsors for her hike up Ben Nevis.
Anyone interested can speak to her after the meeting,
get a sponsorship form.
Now, moving on to discrimination in the workplace.
I know a lot of members have suffered.
The world is full of ruthless people,
eager to take advantage of the vulnerable and naive.
The money was about to fall out of her person.
I was helping the woman out.
You can treat me like a fool only once, Frank.
Oh, don't act like some paragon of virtue.
You're the one's been in the nick for inciting a riot.
Yeah.
I let my emotions get the better of me.
And I paid my debt to society.
You were about to thieve from a good friend of mine, a kind,
gentle woman, blind, narcoleptic,
and suffering from the early onset of dementia.
How could you?
Well, it's the perfect crime.
She won't see me.
And if she did somehow know it was made,
10 minutes later, she'd've fucking forgotten.
Libby.
Fuck off, Frank.
Libby.
Hey, any chance you looking after your sister?
Could do with drowning me sorrows.
None whatsoever.
I made a promise tonight.
What happened to what's her name?
Why don't you get her over?
Early night for Stella and a leg over for you.
Might put a smile back on your face.
It's not worked out.
What was all that shit about then?
Introductions and all that?
Well, fuck, I get what I wanted.
She must be special.
I haven't see you clean your shoes since the last time
you were in court.
I told you, I made a promise.
And when you run into a good thing,
should do everything in your power
not to slip let it slip out your hands.
You can never trust them.
They're like drug addicts, drinkers.
Promise you the Earth and then deliver something
the size of window box.
Your father was the same, waster.
Libby, darling, forget him.
You'd never have settled to that.
Some sort of mother to his kids.
And a cook, cleaner, bottle washer to a drunk.
I thought Frank was different.
You thought wrong.
When I was with him, I felt more alive.
For the first time in years, I knew
what it was like to have blood coursing through my veins.
Those figs are coursing right through my system.
Fetch the commode.
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
I fucked up--
I don't want to hear it.
Karen.
No.
Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it.
JAMIE: Please.
KAREN: No.
Karen, please.
Karen.
Please.
I do not want to hear it.
I'll take over now, Dad.
All sorted?
Not yet.
But it will be.
So who do I have to fuck to get a drink around here?
I'll leave that to you.
Shall I, son?
Gin and tonic and a word with the landlady, please, Jamie.
She knows.
And you're still standing.
OK.
Well, you left me with a bit of a problem.
Just get someone else.
Look, there must be a million men more than willing
to take my place.
Willing, yes.
Qualified?
There must be someone.
[knock]
I'm a twat, a lying, thieving, drug taking, beer swilling,
fanny chasing, spongier who hasn't done a day's work
in his life and doesn't care who knows it, as long as it's
not anyone from the DSS.
Frank--
Let me finish.
I wasted a good education and every opportunity
that was put my way.
I disappointed my mother and father.
I drove away the women who loved me.
The children who wanted something from me,
I was incapable of giving, couldn't
wait to see the back of them so that I
could return to being center of my decrepit, little universe.
But when I'm with you, I want to be something
else, someone else, a be--
a better man.
You complete me, you know?
I just nee--
Shut up.
Just shut up.
You had me at I'm a twat.
- OK. - Yeah.
Yeah.
You'll need these.
It's five pounds for the psychic audience
and a tenner for one to ones, so--
Is there an Eileen in the room?
The spirits want to tell her about her wayward son.
They say, Roy's feeling neglected.
Is there anything else for me?
Something about a factory closing down
and a husband with murderous thoughts.
It's "Corrie."
And there's an outbreak of chlamydia on the horizon.
And someone's cheating in an exam.
That's "Hollyoaks."
Don't tell me.
Someone's had an abortion.
And there's a fire in the pub.
Wow, Kelly, you've got the gift as well.
No No.
I watched it.
She's just telling you what's been happening in the soaps.
You still got your old aerial in.
It's all digital now.
I'll fucking white noise you.
What have I done?
Someone better go and tell Bunty.
She sold all her belongings and booked a parachute jump.
I get paid for this?
What time do you want me back?
I have a slight cash flow problem, sweetie.
You cleared me out.
I'm sure we could think of something.
Kids smash yours in, library's shot down,
and you won't get a job with your record, so--
eh?
It's all very laudable, Frank.
But this wouldn't last two minutes while I live.
Well, it lasts a lot longer than that around here.
What are you saying?
Live with me.
Here I am, honest-ish, a warts-and-all autobiography.
Bit dog-eared, but a good yarn.
I couldn't possibly.
It's too early.
It's too quick.
I need a woman in my life.
But if you take me on, take on the kids too.
They need someone, gentle and--
and nurturing, especially the baby.
You've got a baby?
FRANK: Yeah.
Stella.
You hardly notice that she's there, apart
from the smell now and again.
A baby.
I'm sorry.
Are you leaving me?
All that, the phone calls, the late nights, I
was just taking care of business.
Well, I know not to get involved with business.
Goes right over my head.
It's all sorted now.
It's over.
Good.
Do you know, if it all gets too much and you can't handle it,
take Connor and you go.
You just go.
No.
Fancy a brew?
Yeah.
I'd love one.
[moaning]
[knocking]
Libby, there?
I'm her mother.
She's--
It's all right.
I'll wait.
Sorry, son.
You'll need to bring those in.
LIBBY (NARRATOR): I believe that true love lasts forever.
Occasionally, it takes a holiday,
but returns refreshed, deeper, more powerful
and dynamic than ever before, coursing through your veins,
filling your brain, your heart, your soul with--
All right.
You have a nice sleep, Libby love.
[music playing]
MAN (TV): If you want this item, please get on the phone now.
WOMAN (TV): Yes, they are flying out.
MAN (TV): You won't--
BRENDON (TV): Lillian.
Lillian.
I love you, Lillian.