[music playing]
FRANK (VOICEOVER): Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Come and watch pikeys making a mess of their lives
they were given by him upstairs.
And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
Stay away!
FRANK (VOICEOVER): What sounds on earth
could ever replace kids needing money, or wives in your face?
[screaming]
FRANK (VOICEOVER): Because this, people reckon, and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly
invented, to calm us all down.
Stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
Ah!
FRANK (VOICEOVER): We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
You shit on our heads.
But you pay the taxes.
[laughs]
[laughter]
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers,
who'd come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
[laughs] Well, scatter!
Party!
[music playing]
PADDY MAGUIRE (VOICEOVER): They say
it's about duty, this fatherhood thing, and love,
being there for them in times of need.
Well I've done my duty, and proved my love, time and again,
happily, no question.
But what happens when your duty's done?
When they don't need you anymore, and all that's left
is the knacker's yard?
What happens then?
[laughter]
Who could blame a man for wondering what different roles
he might have taken?
And who'd begrudge him a second stab at happiness
if he was lucky enough to be given the chance?
[music stops abruptly]
Thank fuck for that.
Me head's splitting.
I know all of this is a bit unexpected.
I'm grateful to you all for coming.
Thing is, there's something I need to tell you.
Well, you're not dying, are you?
He's coming out of the closet.
[laughs] - I've met someone.
Her name's Doreen. Doreen Savage.
Sounds like a drag act.
We're going to live together.
That's what all this is in aid of?
To tell us you're moving some floozy in?
Should've saved your energy, and our time.
Please, Mimi.
Please?
Me and Kell aren't moving out?
No.
I'm moving out.
Where to?
We haven't decided yet.
But away from here.
Maybe as far as Wilmslow.
And what's going to happen to the family business
when you sail off into the sunset?
You can have it.
Run it between yous.
A parting gift.
You're not just going to sit here and listen
to this bollocks, are you?
What you want me to do?
Well, tell him you want him back!
Give it another go!
[music playing]
[door slams]
[music playing]
[door slams]
[music playing]
[door opening and closing]
Stick the kettle on.
What happened to the kitchen?
I put it in the washing machine, and it shrank.
Bailiffs.
We're behind on the HP payments.
What the fuck are we buying on HP?
Telly, DVD, washer, fridge, cooker, microwave, carpet.
You.
Whatever your name is.
First rule, tell him.
Never let the bailiffs in.
I showed you them.
I tried to get you to do something about them.
And you weren't interested.
So now they've handed the debts over to the bailiffs.
We've got 21 days to raise the money we owe,
then we can get our stuff back.
You have turned into one massive disappointment!
[music playing]
[footsteps]
Mimi, it's 4 o'clock in the morning.
We need to talk about Roscoe.
What about him?
He's been sniffing around The Jockey.
No way.
We've an agreement.
He stays off The Chatsworth, I stay out of Moss Side.
It's a truce.
Based on what?
Go on and do it!
Eh!
Go on!
Based on a Cold War doctrine of mutually
assured destruction.
Roscoe and Glasgow McRae have made a deal.
Roscoe supplies McRae with cocaine.
And McRae supplies him with a lot of money.
150 grand.
And you're going to rob it.
[scoffs] Mimi, listen, I'm not--
No.
You listen to me.
Apart from Mickey, nobody wants to take over the business.
This is it for the Maguires.
The final curtain.
And the way I see it, it's the least you can do
to leave us financially secure.
Do that and you can get.
Think of it as a combined retirement
fund for yours truly, and a start up
fund for your children.
I've kept Roscoe away from you the boys.
He doesn't know them.
But once he can identify them.
Once they've taken 150 grand from him,
he's going to come looking.
Not necessarily.
[laughs]
You should have buried him years ago.
[music playing]
Breakfast of champions.
All contributions are welcome, Frank.
Even yours, believe it or not. - Clear off.
Charity begins at home.
That's what it's for, you plonker.
Your home.
Buy you a kettle, and some cups, and stuff.
Who said community was dead?
Any chance of a sub?
No, there isn't.
[music playing]
Come on. We're going.
What?
[music playing]
Pint, please, Mimi. And an orange juice.
Oh, my god.
Well, what did you expect?
You've hurt his pride.
Dented his fragile masculinity.
Then you come in here, all lovey-dovey,
flaunting the fact.
We're not flaunting anything!
Well, it's not how sees it, is it?
Here you go.
Don't let your dad get his hands on it.
Thanks.
Go on, then.
Roscoe.
Are we in?
Too fucking right, we're in.
Not me.
This is my life, right here.
Well, how scary is this Roscoe guy?
- [scoffs] - Yeah.
But think what we can do with dosh.
Come on.
Look, we'll-- we'll get you off your back at Lillian's, open
a place of our own.
We're in.
Where's Connor?
Asleep.
You'll have to watch him.
I'm going swimming.
Swimming?
What's wrong, Jamie?
Can't he spend a bit of time with his dad?
Not when his dad is pulling pints behind the bar,
he can't, no.
Looked to me like you were chatting.
Or should I say planning?
I retired from the family business way back,
and you know that.
I'm not going back.
That's a promise.
[music playing]
[telephone rings]
[music playing]
Oh, come on. Leave it a bit.
Come on.
Come on, lucky dice. Come on.
Lucky dice. Lucky dice.
Oh, come on. Oh!
- Oh! - Leave it.
- Oh. - Come on.
Try again. Double up.
I'll double up. Come on.
All right, Liam.
Fancy a flutter?
[inaudible] here on the dice.
Fiver minimum.
- Yeah, all right. - Here we go.
- Write your number down. - Ten down.
Ten down.
Come on, let's see your money. Come on.
15 and pretty, boys.
Here we go.
Are you ready for the eight?
All right, let's have some quiet.
Come on.
Sevens.
Oh!
You lucky bastard!
My man.
Hang about, Liam.
[music playing]
It's too much for me, mate.
No.
I'm out.
[music playing]
Are you bluffing?
You are, aren't you?
Can you lend me some more money?
You're skinning me here.
I'll give it back once I've won.
[laughter]
[music playing]
No.
You are joking.
Fuck!
So you weren't bluffing.
But I was.
Oh!
Fuck!
Sorry, Liam.
You lose.
I can lend you some more money if you're still feeling lucky.
Chart this one up to experience then, yeah?
What about me extra 100?
That was a loan.
You can pay me back whenever.
[music playing]
Say, um, Wednesday.
[music playing]
Oh, my god.
[music playing]
[applause]
[music playing]
I wanted to see if she actually existed.
Here you go.
- Congratulations. - I know!
We're through to the finals.
You should said Mimi was coming.
I didn't know.
I say him coming in.
Well, it's lovely to finally meet you.
Patrick's told me so much about you.
And you must have an ex somewhere
in your murky past, Doreen?
Divorced.
A long time ago.
Kids?
No way.
Far too selfish.
Too wrapped up in the arts.
You know, theater and opera.
Although me first love is the salsa.
Or it was me first love.
[laughs] There's an old Cuban saying, right?
That's where it's from, the salsa.
That when you're on your knees, and your heart's
broken in two, that's when the spirit of salsa comes in.
And it finds you, and it heals you.
So where did you two meet?
Community center, of all places.
Doreen was giving dance lessons for the rejected
and terminally needy.
Nice.
[music playing]
I'll just go to the little girl's room.
None of this was done to make you jealous.
There's an old Liverpool saying, Paddy.
That when you've got your head too far up your ass,
you won't smell the shit anymore.
This is your mid-life crisis, not mine.
Time for a reality check.
Reality is OK for a holiday.
But you wouldn't want to live there.
All I want from you is to make sure
my boys are ready to handle Roscoe,
and whoever comes after him.
[music playing]
It won't be subtle.
Subtle won't do with Roscoe.
So we're going to proper work him over, then?
[sighs] A bit more final than that, son.
If he sees your face, you'll be marked men.
It'll be him or you.
So we go in armed to the teeth, and we go in brutal.
And for that, I need to know that you can handle a gun.
Load it.
Aim it.
And then make it safe.
Other way.
Breach it.
[gun cocks]
Hang on a minute. You want to--
[gunshot]
[glass shattering]
Fucking hell!
I said aim!
Not fucking shoot!
What the fuck?
Fucking hell!
[music playing]
[scoffs] What the hell was I thinking?
Right.
From here on, you two just concentrate on surveillance.
Oh, what?
I want to know who Roscoe meets, where he goes,
people, places, times, got it?
Got it!
Yes.
[sighs] And remember. Keep a low profile.
[music playing]
I heard, right, that he tore the heart out
of some guy's chest with his bare hands, and ate it.
While it was still beating.
Why?
How the fuck should I know?
He's a psycho.
[music playing]
[inaudible]
[music playing]
Has he gone?
Yeah.
[music playing]
[telephone buzzing]
[music playing]
[baby fussing]
[music playing]
[door closing]
Not see you for a while.
Thought that's how you wanted it.
Playing happy families.
It doesn't mean I never want to see you.
It's all too complicated for me.
When you want me, and I mean want me, you know where I am.
You can have him, if you want.
For an hour.
Not very nice, considering he's yours.
How come you're trying to off-load him all the time?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, you do.
Every time you look at him, it reminds you.
You were shagging me every chance you got,
and you fucking loved it.
And then you went home and lied to poor old Jamie.
And now, it's eating away at you, the guilt,
because you want to do it again.
Don't you?
Fuck you, Joe.
Any time.
[music playing]
[laughter]
You never know with that fucking lot.
You know what?
This thing with me Dad, the dancing, this woman he's met.
It won't last.
Mom says it's a mid-life crisis.
You know, some blokes grow a ponytail.
[laughs] Or buy a huge motorbike,
what they can't even drive.
I need a piss.
Hey.
[telephone rings]
McRae.
How's Glasgow?
Uh huh.
It's always fucking freezing up there, isn't it?
The land the sun forgot.
Eh.
Heh.
Tomorrow night, 8 o'clock.
Ferry Road.
The old warehouse.
Do you know it?
[music playing]
[thud]
Oh, fuck!
You lads haven't got a satnav?
For fuck's--
[music playing]
Caught you.
Giving me the eye.
I was-- I--
I just-- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the fuck!
Nah, mate.
[door opens]
[music playing]
- We're leaving. - What?
Now!
[music playing]
Oi!
Get your sticky fingers out of my till,
you thieving little toe rag!
- Joe, I wasn't! - Yes, you were!
Are you in on this? - What you on about?
- Hands off. - Get off me!
Let him go!
- I wasn't stealing. - I saw you.
I saw you.
Liam!
[music playing]
Thanks again.
I promise you, it will be sorted.
- Good. - OK.
Bye.
[door closing]
A truancy officer?
Look, I should be at work.
I only popped out to get some veggies,
so stop messing me about and talk.
I'm always late because I have to look after Stella and Dad.
And when you're late, you get detention.
And that means I'm home late.
And that causes even more trouble with Stella and Dad.
So it's easier not to go in.
And does Frank know about this?
Don't tell him.
Let me.
[sighs] Well, why did you have your hands in Joe's till?
I needed money.
How much do you owe?
Liam?
I borrowed 50.
And when the interest kicked in, it turned into 1,500.
And now it's more. And I don't know what to do.
[music playing]
Doreen, let me introduce you to my boys.
Shane, Mickey, Doreen.
Hiya.
Mickey.
I shouldn't have come.
[music stops]
No, stay.
I don't want to be in the middle of you
and your family, Patrick.
I'll sort it.
Show some respect!
Dad.
About Roscoe.
He's a hodgie.
What?
He plays the pink oboe.
He's the receiver of swollen goods.
You shut the fuck up!
What the fuck's he talking about?
- He's gay. - Gay?
[spits]
[laughs] I was at his wedding.
And at his wife's funeral.
He was in a gay bar.
He probably didn't realize.
Oh, it shoved his cock at me through a hole in the bog wall.
What the fuck were you doing?
That's not the point.
The point is the deal is happening tomorrow.
8:00.
Is some kind of a windup?
No.
You actually heard him say it, 8 o'clock?
Yeah.
[music playing]
I can't make it.
What?
I promised to be somewhere with Doreen.
I'm sorry.
You're on your own.
[music playing]
If you could be anywhere in the world right
now, anywhere at all, where would you be?
Where?
Here.
[laughs] You happy?
Happier, I think, than I've ever been in my life.
We're good together.
Is your passport up to date?
I think so.
I don't belong here, Patrick.
Not deep down, not in me soul.
And neither do you.
We need the heat, and the color, and the mystery.
I want us to go to Cuba.
[laughs] We could get a late deal.
Fortnight, all inclusive.
I was thinking the rest of our lives.
[music playing]
I don't love him.
Of course you love him.
You're just tired.
Things will get easier.
No.
I look at him and I don't even recognize him.
I'm not seeing him.
I'm seeing stuff.
Now what sort of stuff?
Thoughts.
Bad thoughts.
[knocking]
Go away.
You all right?
Karen?
She's fine.
Look, son.
I know how you feel about coming in on the Roscoe job,
and I respect that. I really do.
But hear me out.
Believe me, I wouldn't be here if there were any other way.
But I can't trust Mickey and Shane with this.
Roscoe, he'll eat them for breakfast.
Why?
What's happened?
I'm in the final of the salsa dancing championship
tonight at eight with Doreen.
[laughs] So blow her out, Dad.
I can't
Well, then, call the job off.
Then I'm letting the family down.
And your mother.
She'll never let me hear the last of it.
For fuck's sake!
[music playing]
I want my money.
You said Wednesday.
You've got till tonight.
Do you understand?
Midnight.
And then I come looking for you.
Empty your pockets.
All right.
Give me your bag.
Why?
They're the school's.
Collateral.
You can have them back when you've paid me.
Listen, Jamie.
Tell me to my own, yeah?
But I saw Karen yesterday and you didn't look too bright.
To be honest, I was worried about her.
I don't think she coping.
Don't worry it. She's fine.
Jamie?
Your dad talked you around, then?
You're OK with it all?
I'm fine.
You get caught, you go down, you don't come back.
Ah, don't worry.
I'll make sure there's no witnesses, yeah?
Yes, love?
[music playing]
Yeah, I've just seen a guy nicking a car.
A silver BMW.
Yeah.
I've got the number plate and everything.
[music playing]
I'm telling you.
Your customers are going to be bouncing
off the wall with that shit.
[laughs] Give McRae my best.
Tell him he's welcome in Moss Side any time, as my guest.
Nice one.
[music playing]
[police sirens]
Come on, then!
[music playing]
Eh!
Dickheads!
[music playing]
Oh, they've nicked the bloody car.
[telephone rings]
Yeah?
Good.
And Jamie, thanks.
[music playing]
Oh!
Wow.
[police sirens]
Hello, officers.
What seems to be the problem?
This here is private property, mate.
Hey, I thought I was at a party.
I thought we were going to do a bit of dog-- hey, hey, hey!
You know that's a bit fucking previous, isn't it?
Shut the fuck up.
Hang on.
Do I know you?
[thud]
Ah!
[thud]
Ah!
Oh!
Ah!
Give me the fucking key!
Fuck!
Give me the key!
Ah!
Make my fucking day!
[music playing]
Give it here, mate.
Get the money.
When I find out who you fuckers are!
Nite nite.
Shoot him!
Do it!
[police sirens]
You didn't get rid of the tracking device!
What's a tracking device?
Fucking hell, come on!
[police sirens]
Fuckers!
[music playing]
How long we got?
Time enough for this.
[music playing]
Here.
Shove that in the till.
Nice one!
[music playing]
Happy hour!
Drinks on the house!
[cheering]
Right, that's me.
I'm off to squeeze into my rubber nun's outfit
and get pissed out my brain.
See you tomorrow.
Have a good one.
Karen?
What are you doing here?
Karen?
[music playing]
Dad.
I have to tell you something.
You're running away to join the Taliban?
I can't look after you and Stella on me own.
It's not fair.
Well, get Carl to help you.
I need you to help.
I need another drink.
Whoa. Fuck.
Ship to shore.
Hey.
This won't make you happy, you know.
Well, it will.
Temporarily.
You're just anesthetizing yourself.
Women, they'll just break your heart.
Fuck off.
Come here.
Everyone knows you're a crap dad.
Don't you even care?
I love my family.
Rubbish!
And I can't wait till I'm old enough to get away from you.
Well, go!
What are you waiting for, then?
Just fuck off, why don't you?
Because I can't.
You've got to do something about all the trouble we're in!
Ah, shut the fuck--
Dad!
[music playing]
Has a girl just passed you, in jeans, dark hair?
No, sorry.
[music playing]
Karen?
What is it?
What's happened?
Karen, are you OK?
[music playing]
I could never do anything to harm him.
Who are you talking about?
Karen, where is he?
Where's Connor?
What have you done with him?
[music playing]
Sick of being a nun, me.
Shit, isn't it?
Mimi, it's fake, isn't it?
[music stops abruptly]
Happy hour's over.
Drink up.
[crowd protesting]
You can fuck off.
I've been gambling, too!
I owe him 100 quid, and he wants it back right now.
He's got my school books.
And if you don't get them back, that'll be more money I owe.
I don't know what to do!
And it's all your fault!
[thud]
Ah!
[thud]
Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, Liam!
Come on, then! You fucker!
Have a go at someone your own size!
Hey, get off me!
Come on, then, dickhead!
Get off me! - Whoa!
- Fuck off! - Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Piss off back to your girlfriend,
you little dickhead.
Less of it, less of it, eh?
Hey?
Liam!
I'm sorry.
Please.
Forgive me.
[music playing]
[telephone rings]
Yeah?
We've been shafted.
Those tight ass Scotch bastards were
ripping Roscoe with dud money!
And what happens if he works out it was us turning him over.
You're going to have to forget your happily
ever after with Doreen.
Do not tell me what I can and cannot do.
Turn the phone off, Patrick.
I'm just--
[telephone rings]
Karen?
Maxine?
You're with her now?
No.
Well, I'm-- I'm busy.
What do you mean she's in a bad way?
Maxine, calm down.
ANNOUNCER: Patrick Maguire-- - Call Jamie.
--and Miss Doreen Savage.
[applause]
She asked for me?
Oh.
What have I--
Come on, Patrick.
[applause]
[music playing]
Sorry.
Patrick!
Patrick, please!
I'm sorry, all right?
[music playing]
[door opens]
She brought him here, so she could give him back.
She got it into her head that Connor might not be hers.
The night sister on the maternity ward's a mate.
She wasn't happy, but she's let us take
him without any major fuss.
I persuaded her not to call social services.
Told her she got muddled up with the medication.
I'm out of my depth here.
She need to really go to sleep.
And a bit of support, and after that, I don't know.
Thanks.
[music playing]
Hey, sweetheart.
Come here.
Come on.
It's OK.
[music playing]
Joe warned me she was going off the rails.
Or tried to.
I should have listened.
[sighs] I need to speak to him, apologize.
I was too busy worrying about Roscoe
and his fake fucking money.
Fortunately for us, he'll get at least 10 for previous.
Keep him off our backs.
[music playing]
[baby fussing]
[sighs]
[music playing]
I've let you down today.
[music playing]
I'm sorry.
[music playing]
You came back, then?
It was something I had to do.
It couldn't have waited?
As it happens, no.
It was my daughter-in-law.
She needed me.
And what will happen if she needs you when we're in Cuba?
I'm sorry.
[music playing]
We can do whatever we were going to do in Cuba right here.
I can't just walk away, Doreen.
My family needs me.
They don't need me.
They don't want me.
I'm sorry, Patrick.
[music playing]
[applause]
Come on!
Have you no homes to go to?
Fuck off.
[music playing]
[door opens]
[telephone rings]
Yeah?
LIAM (ON THE PHONE): If I die, does my debt die with me?
Eh?
LIAM (ON THE PHONE): If I were to die,
would you write off my debt?
Who the fu--
Liam, is that you?
[music playing]
Frank!
Fucking now, Frank! - OK.
OK.
[music playing]
For crying out loud, Liam!
I'm sorry, OK?
What, I-- I don't know what came over me.
Not good enough, Dad.
Li-- oh, fucking-- no, no!
Steady! Steady!
Liam! - Come on!
Liam!
Don't come any closer.
Get down, son.
Why should I?
What've I got to live for?
You've got your whole life ahead of you.
But just-- just think of all the great things
that you're going to do.
All the stuff you're go-- you're going to achieve.
You can't just throw it away because I acted like a twat.
Come on! - I'll jump!
All right.
All-- all right.
All right.
Just-- I'm ashamed of what I did.
See, I've been lonely, and I didn't
know what was left for me.
I were feeling sorry for me-self.
As usual.
Liam!
Stay there!
- Police, please. - OK.
Please, Liam.
Please.
Don't-- don't hurt yourself just to punish me.
I'm not worth it.
You said it.
Because it's true.
But you said I was a massive disappointment.
What?
I-- I didn't mean it. No.
You've never been a disappointment to me.
Not ever. Not for one minute.
What about the furniture?
And the debts?
The debts?
Oh, swee-- we-- we're not about the money.
And as far the furniture, I never
liked it in the first place.
I fucking hated it!
Liam, if you don't get down from there, I'll kick your ass.
You shut up, Carl.
If anything happens to him, I'll fucking kill you.
Oi!
For fucking's sakes!
[shouting continues]
[music playing]
Look at you all fighting, again!
Fucking hell, no, Liam!
Liam, no!
We only want to help! - Stay away!
All right.
No, no, no. Liam!
No, no, no!
No!
Listen!
We love you.
And we need you.
[telephone rings]
Wait!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, whoa, and whoa, whoa, and--
listen!
Liam, listen to me just a minute.
Joe-- Joe has got something to tell you.
Haven't you, Joe?
Get back!
Yeah.
The 100 quid?
Forget about it.
OK?
You don't owe me a penny.
I should've stopped you. OK?
I took advantage.
What, has all this to do with you?
Shut the fuck up!
So, look, Liam.
I've got a mate, yeah?
He works at one of them MFI places?
He'll sort you out.
On me.
Please, just-- son, just come down.
I promise there will be no more cooking
and cleaning and running about after to the rest of us.
We'll-- we'll all chip in and take the pressure off of you.
How does that sound?
Sounds great, Dad.
Trouble is, I don't believe you.
I swear on me life!
Dad.
You never kept a promise.
[music playing]
No!
What?
I'm getting my mobile.
And don't forget.
You two made a promise.
[music playing]
[baby fussing]
I'm loving the shirt.
It's very you.
Do you think?
[music playing]
[sighs] Me neither.
[music playing]
PADDY MAGUIRE (VOICEOVER): No one
ever said it was going to be easy being a parent,
being a dad.
But they never said it was going to be this hard either.
You choose your road early, and you
walk until one day you realize you've gone too far
to turn back and pick another.
Was it the great love of my life,
or just a mid-life crisis?
Who knows?
Maybe she was both.
And at my age, that's enough, because the fact is,
I've lived my life.
Lived it the way I wanted.
No regrets.
And besides, we'll always have the salsa.
[music playing]
MICKEY: Yeah, bitch.
First, I'm going to bend you over and slap your ass.
And then-- then I'm going to give you such a seeing to,
you're going to need a rubber ring just to sit down.
[laughs] Yeah. Oh.
Yeah.
Mm. Oh.
Eh.
Mm.
[laughs] Ah.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
[music playing]
[door slams]
Oh. Oh.
[music playing]