[siren]
Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Come on!
Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives they
were given by Him upstairs.
And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
Stay away!
What sounds on Earth could ever replace kids needing
money, or wives in your face?
Cause this, people reckon-- and me included-- is why pubs
and drugs were kindly invented.
To calm us all down, stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estates' basic essentials.
We are worth every penny, grinding your axes.
You shit on our heads, but we pay the taxes.
[laughter]
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth bucaneers
who'll come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now!
Scatter!
Party!
MIMI (VOICEOVER): Being a mom--
a wife-- I thought that's all I ever wanted.
Does it make me happy?
How wrong was I. For too long now
I've counted on family for my happiness.
Might as well have popped Prozac the last 30 years
for all the good it's done me.
To think, all those wasted years I could have
been a page three model, mate.
Don't get me wrong.
Wouldn't change it.
Full Irish, sir.
Full Irish what?
MIMI (VOICEOVER): But I can't help
wondering how different life could have been for me.
Thought that counts, hon.
MIMI (VOICEOVER): From now on it's my time.
I want to do what makes me happy.
I'm getting me tits out.
Metaphorically.
Mrs. Maguire?
Billy.
You're trying to seduce me. Aren't ya?
Too fuckin' right.
[moaning]
Dad?
Uh-- I've been thinking.
Don't son.
It'll only hurt.
It's been a while, and--
a man like yourself has needs.
And, um-- it's not like it's on tap anymore.
You need to get laid.
A good shag will put the spring back in your step.
Look, business is in good shape.
You need some you time before we ease you back into the game.
Our treat.
Mom's happy.
We just want you to be.
I am happy.
I'm happy as a pig in shit!
[moaning]
[shouting]
Get it!
Come on!
[laughter]
Don't bother, love.
I've left me magnifying glass at home.
[laughter]
A big well done for the match today, boys.
Billy-- man of the match again.
[applause]
And if we carry on playing like this,
we'll be sailing through to the final.
Billy! Billy!
- Come on, you.
Get off.
Wash down.
I've hardly worked up a sweat sitting on the bench.
When the fuck am I gonna get a game?
I've been looking for the past three.
And we've won the last three.
You're slacking, Carl.
I want more commitment off you before I
let you back on the pitch.
See, Mickey's getting a shower, and here's
only here as a supporter.
That's commitment.
Billy! Billy!
Hi.
Hello?
When you're ready.
Pint.
Keep smiling, depressive.
All right?
Never been better.
Face smiling, eyes crying.
You'll be fucking crying in a minute.
Thanks, Frank.
I will have one of me own.
Go, go, go, go!
Come on!
Come on, Mickey!
Down it!
[cheering]
[laughter]
[inaudible].
Drop a match so I can get a game.
- What's it worth? - Oi, back in your box, Carl.
He's our secret weapon, aren't ya?
Billy Tutton, the future Man City football star.
Ferguson will be tripping over himelf to sign him.
Billy, bend over.
I mean-- bend it.
Bend it like Billy.
A pint there?
Aye, just the one.
Both hands are tied.
Night out with my old comrades.
We won't wait up.
[laughter]
What's that?
What?
I bought it here.
Well, you get a cut of what I pay for it, anyway.
You tax the bootleggers.
Hm?
Anyway, it's medicinal.
Don't care.
Hand it over or get out.
Going down?
Then I shall bid you farewell.
Lady Jobsworth.
Gambling with the shop's profits?
You've got balls, I'll give you that.
Lucky balls.
Anyway, this money's for me old private fund.
Thinking of renaming the shop.
Let everyone know it's under new management.
What to?
Joe's Shop.
That's shit.
Customers like simplicity, Ches.
First rule of business.
You hardly ate.
Must be really good stuff.
Second rule, delegation.
Scrape off the dates on any of the stock past its sell by.
And no more [inaudible].
All right?
He's to pay by Friday or it's kneecaps.
Taught you well.
It's all about returning the favor.
You got a tit for me?
Never trust a man who wears white shoes.
White shoes?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch yourself.
It's still wet.
Well, assuming the print dries, it's fucking ace work.
Right.
Fancy anymore?
For a bigger cut?
60-40.
To you.
You're home early.
Was it a good night?
Aye.
Quiet night philosophizing and skirt chasing.
With my good pals Mossy and Tommel.
Although to the untrained eye we looked like degenerate binge
drinkers.
Just like old times.
Only, um-- one of them phoned to say they couldn't make it.
Not funny.
Pissed.
Fucking-- oh--
[mumbling] Whoa!
[shouting]
[groan]
Are you ashamed of me?
What's brought this up?
All this sneaking about.
You, this-- it's all new to me.
I need to get me head around it first, before telling everyone.
Because once we do, it's everyone's business.
I'm not ready for that yet.
This is ours.
I like what we have.
It's simple.
You never let--
You're always pleasing me.
Force of habit, pleasing everyone.
Even myself.
Don't worry.
I've never met a man yet who knew the right way to tickle
the little man in his boat.
[heavy breathing]
Carl?
Carl!
Liam!
I'm alive!
Don't-- ah!
Thought I was a goner.
I stay out for one night, and you piss all over my stuff.
What time is it?
Have you been drinking Russian aftershave?
We talked about drinking bootleg vodka.
It's poisonous.
People have died.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just switch the light on, Professor Know It All.
Switch the fucking light on.
What have you got there, love?
That for me?
Show nana.
Where did you get it?
Those boys.
Oi, dickheads!
Which one of you twats gave my granddaughter a spliff?
Oi!
You heard her.
Who was it?
[heavy breathing]
The doctors say you're doing well.
It's going to be a bit of trial and error with the medication,
but it always is with bipolar, apparently.
Can we talk about something else?
This is the only time I get to feel normal in here.
How is everyone?
They don't come and visit.
Don't give a shit, of course.
They do.
It's been mad busy.
Everyone's chipping in to help out.
They send their love.
We just want you better and back home, the way it used to be.
I've got a joke.
Husband comes home to his wife and he shouts,
I've won the lottery, so pack your bags.
So she says, well, what do I pack?
And he says--
We'll get through this.
He says--
Be a proper family again.
And he says--
and he says--
Anyone see ya?
No.
How old?
14.
For I'm-- I'm 15 next year.
I let you--
Don't come near me.
He was the only one there.
It wouldn't have started.
It was a sympathy wank that got out of hand.
Wait. Nuh-uh.
We love each other.
If this gets out, or I see you again--
I'll kill ya.
Got it.
Yeah.
Will it be OK?
What's the diagnosis?
That vodka had 15 milliliters of pure methylate in it.
That's the 30th case [inaudible] in the last two days.
Sit with me.
For the first time in my life, I am incapable of looking
after myself.
Now, I don't want to be a burden, but--
I've raised you three with me own hands.
And we've come full circle.
The father has become the son to the father's sons.
Get lost.
Blind or blind drunk-- how is this different?
It's only temporary.
I mean, the chance of your eyesight returning is 99.98%.
I thought this was something serious.
It is!
I'm taking you out of school to look after me.
I'll need a full time carer.
He's already missed school today because of you.
He's not missing anymore.
Hey.
You don't live here, you don't get a say.
Grab us a beer from the fridge.
If you want your eyesight back, you've got to detox.
No drink, smoking, or drugs.
Doctor's orders.
Oh.
I see.
Well, you care.
That's the point.
Yeah, I should have known better than to rely
on this family for support.
Your sister made a terrible job of bringing the three of you
up.
Oh!
[laughter]
We're trying to help you.
By depriving me of the very few pleasures
I have in this life?
No fucking way.
I shall see again, on my terms.
Ah!
The fuck-- ah!
Fucking piss off!
Is it cause of me?
Why you're here?
Because if it is--
[laughter]
Don't fool yourself.
You seem fine to me.
Aye, what did you expect?
Strapped to a bed, off your tits.
That happens later, when you lot all fuck off home.
What's new with you, Joe?
Well, the way I see it, Chatsworth's a gold mine
and no one's taking advantage.
So I'm digging in for the long term.
With the shop I can undercut suppliers to other businesses
with my own stock.
Everybody benefits.
Especially us.
Starting here.
I know Jamie's struggling, and there's
no way he'll take it from me.
I just want to help.
You want to set your mind at ease, more like.
Keep it.
And the husband says, everything.
Get the fuck out of my house.
The joke!
I've remembered the end of the joke.
I'll be waiting.
TV: Look at the tune.
Look at the contrasts.
How's Max?
Sound.
So, how is she?
The same as you.
Just getting on with it, you know?
I know it's hard.
For both of ya.
Look, it's fine.
Honest.
When I said we'd stay mates, I didn't expect--
it's just--
Awkward.
Cause I don't want to hate her, but I do.
And I don't.
That's normal.
Give it time.
I reckon you two are meant to be together.
Like me and Shane.
Things could be a lot worse, you know/
Hey!
Yeah, lad.
Mickey.
Smell my finger.
What's that?
Your mom.
Oh, what's that?
Smells like shit!
Your dad! Mm.
Do you want me to tell you what he had for his tea last night?
Mm. [laughter]
You know he hasn't got a dad, you tosser.
He's not got--
Four beers please, Mom.
Ah!
[laughter]
Hey!
Didn't realize you and Billy were so close off the pitch.
Yeah, he's-- he's staying at ours.
Poor bastard.
He's been kicked out for selling his granddad's medication.
So I'm letting him get his dead down in Mickey's old room
till he can sort something a bit better.
Tell Billy to pop upstairs when he gets a chance.
Mickey's sheets come with their own natural starch.
I've got some clean ones he can use.
I told you to disappear.
I tried to let you down gently.
By threatening to kill me?
You wouldn't kill a kid.
And given the choice I wouldn't fuck one, either.
You sure?
Cause I want more than just a wank from now on.
One word-- just one word for me about what's been going on--
police, family-- your life won't be worth living.
And I don't want that.
It's like you said--
no one around here will touch you, cause
you're Mrs. Patrick Maguire.
I'm the best you can hope for.
What is it you want? Drugs?
Money?
You.
Ever since we first met.
Just you.
Tonight.
11.
Around the back.
What do you want me for?
Oh, little Liam?
Is that you?
Give us your tie, will ya?
I'm not throwing 3 quid in the pot
for the privilege of drinking in this shithole tonight.
Is that it?
Yeah.
He dragged you over here for that?
Look, don't let him take the piss.
I'm sorting it.
What he can't see can't harm him.
Nice one.
Tea will be ready at six.
What are you gawking at, numb nuts?
Carl, is that you?
How'd you know it was me?
Well, who else would it be?
Here.
Fa-- fasten this tie for us, will you?
You know I'm invalid.
I never noticed it before, but this place fucking stinks.
You can distinctly smell the putrid odor
of stale beer and piss. - That's you.
Oh.
I'm canceling tonight.
I'm not in the mood, and there's not enough staff.
We can't afford to cancel.
Mom, you promised.
Fine.
But I'm finished at 11 on the dot.
Fine.
Drink.
Whoa!
[music playing]
Listen, you don't need to hide your new man from me.
I don't know what shite people are spouting,
but I haven't got a fella.
And for your information, I don't need one.
This smile's me own.
Surprised she's not beating men off with a stick.
It's [inaudible].
Irresistible.
Pings like Anne Bancroft in her heyday.
He's not a charity, Shane.
You're best leaving things as is.
I can't, Kels.
Just Have the deal with Joe tomorrow.
Have a look at him.
It's not easy for him, you know?
Men like my dad are a dying breed.
Not interested.
[bell ringing]
Oi!
[cheering]
Fucking hell.
[cheering]
[shouting]
Come on!
[shouting]
Oh, you son of a bitch!
He loves it, the dirty bastard!
Hickory dickory.
50 to 1, J. Dead certain.
You'll thank me later for sharing the wealth.
Cheers, mate.
[music playing]
Jamie, we're taking Dad out tomorrow night.
All of us.
Got too much on here.
Come on.
You work too hard.
You need a break.
Give your mind a rest for one night.
I'll square it with Mom to babysit,
and me and Mickey will sort out your drink--
- Well-- - All right.
Cheers, lads.
[cheering]
I feel fucking everything!
He thinks his cigs taste different because his senses
have heightened.
Party carries on like it has if you're up for it, Carlos.
[cheering]
I'd best see to him.
Make sure he gets home all right.
Aw, fuck.
Where the shit am I?
Oh, hello.
Ah-- come on, I know there's someone here because I
can hear the squelching noise.
Yeah, come on.
Just-- here.
Aw, come on.
Just point us home.
Sod you, then.
As you were.
All out for the better of 'em.
What are you doing down there?
Uh-- I'm blind, not fucking soft.
There's someone at it down there.
Either that or they're milking a cow.
Uh-- that way.
FRANK: Oh, fuck.
Oh-- oh!
Help us, anyone?
Hey!
Come on!
- Oh, you poor thing, you. - Oh--
Let's get you cleaned up.
Oh-- thanks very much, love.
Clothes on spin dry.
Shouldn't be long.
There was a library card in your pocket.
I put it away safe for ya.
I think that chapter of my life is closed.
Aw. Do you miss it?
Seeing?
I got me memories.
Well, there's point dwelling on the past, is there?
You know, you've got to move on and make the best of now.
Any man in your life?
Just one.
Ronald.
Put him out me life.
Just a memory now.
Well, you are naughty for asking, Frankie.
It is nice, having a man's touch.
Oh, I couldn't take advantage.
You took me in, fed me.
Cleaned and undressed me when no one would care for me.
It's me who's taking advantage, Val.
[moaning]
I think we both want the same thing, don't we?
Companionship, love.
I mean, it's only natural when two
lonely souls find each other.
It has been a long time.
A very, very long time.
Fuck me!
Best blowjob in my life!
[shouting]
[MUSIC - "STAYIN' ALIVE BY THE BEEGEES]
SINGER: Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm
a woman's man No time to talk.
Music loud and women warm, I've been
kicked around since I was born.
But now it's all right.
That's OK.
You may look the other way.
But we can try to understand the New York Times' effect on man.
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother
you're staying alive.
Staying alive.
Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking.
I'm-a staying alive, staying alive.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive.
Staying alive.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Staying alive!
Al Pacino.
WOMAN: It's true.
DEALER: 12.
Hit me.
16.
Hit me.
20.
HIt me.
That's not how you win, Ches.
Hit me.
Sir, you have 20.
Hit me.
That's how you win!
[cheering]
[music playing]
It's like a sausage factory in here.
No, it's grand.
We just need to liven things up with a game of pull and pick.
Kelly.
Yeah, I couldn't pull anything if I tried.
I'm a magnet for model for model types.
I can't help it. - Eh--
No.
Anyway, it's misogynistic and sexist.
Extra points if you get one with a [inaudible]..
Come on.
You know, I've never seen him like this before.
He's even creeping me out.
I can't believe I promised him he's get laid tonight.
Should I have a word or summat?
I feel responsible.
Doing me head in.
I think it's time to make a move, yeah?
Nonsense.
I'm on a winner over there.
Cockeyed and hair lipped.
Yeah, well, it's just--
A problem?
No.
Good.
My round.
Look, I've got some business to sort.
I'll be back in an hour, tops.
Shane!
[moaning]
Shit.
You a bouncer?
I'm Paddy Maguire.
Watch your bets.
All night he's had me on edge.
His chips aren't adding up.
He's got more than he's won.
I've kept count.
If I'd have known you wanted us out to babysit Dad,
I wouldn't have fucking bothered.
I know. I'm sorry.
But one of us should fall back.
Naw, he's probably fucked off home by now.
Yeah, and what if he hasn't?
[laughter]
Piss it!
Shit.
Fraud?
Fuck off.
Look, if you don't want me taking your money,
you shouldn't make it so easy, pal.
Oh, I tell you what-- tell you what-- tell you what.
I roll a seven and I'll leave.
Roll an eight, and I'll stay.
Well, you--
[shouting]
Come here!
Come on!
[shouting]
Come here!
Fuck!
[trance music]
WOMAN: Are you on your own?
Thought so.
[laughter]
Shane with ya?
[groan]
Knew this night were right off from the start.
You've got issues, Paddy.
And a night on the tiles ain't going to solve them.
Fuck what you know.
I come across men like you every day.
Shaving the balls and trading in the people
carrier for a convertible.
Well, they all soon realize there's
no such thing as feeling as young as the person
you're poking.
And your lot, treating you like you're something different?
I'm sick of it.
Do you know what I'm sick of?
Shane made me a promise tonight.
Didn't deliver.
Can't have that, can we?
- I clocked off an hour ago. - Clock back on.
Go wash your cock in the sink, then throw on a condom.
SINGER: I've long since retired, my son's moved away.
Called him up just the other day.
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind.
He said, I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu.
But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you.
And as he hung up the phone it occured to me
he'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon--
This were just a job for me.
What's your excuse?
[beeping]
FRANK: Liam!
Membership at Club [inaudible] has expired, son.
Look at that.
I am glowing.
I'm actually glowing!
Told ya I'd cure myself, didn't I?
My way, like I always have.
You didn't do anything.
We swapped your vices for virtues.
We swapped your lager for non-alcoholic,
your cigarettes for herbals, and you've popping [inaudible]
for the last few days, not E's.
You've still been getting drunk.
It's called a placebo effect.
Feel good, did it?
Stamping all over your father's pride.
Laughing at me behind me back.
Oh, ha, ha.
Look at dad, tripping on Amedin.
You know, it's been a real eye opener, this--
abuse by me own blood.
Treated as a third class citizen in me own house.
I was a very sick man, son.
I needed respect, compassion--
delicate handling.
Actually, you know, it--
it's good that the truth has come
out, because it makes what I'm about to say 10 times easier.
I'm off.
You are on your own from now on.
I've met someone, and she cares.
We care.
That's why we did it.
We love ya.
Yeah well--
Hitler loved fucking eugenics.
Don't make it right, does it?
[knocking]
Frankie.
Ronald?
Different name.
Same old shop.
As long as I break even, I'm happy.
It's enough to get me by, and then I
can live off me winnings.
Winnings?
You're barred from every casino and bookie in Manchester.
Next person round that corner--
woman.
Man.
Aw!
Pay up.
Void bet.
It's Lillian.
Fuck off.
Shane.
Don't worry.
I'm not about to tell him.
As far as I care, you're just another sad twat
who pays for sex.
Sometime your sweetheart's [inaudible]..
She is worth 10--
What?
Me or you?
Both.
Tough shit on the fuck up, Joe.
But I played my hand.
60%.
Never let it be said that Joe Pritchard didn't
keep his part of the deal.
Even if he is out of pocket.
Oh, cheer up, Joe.
Arrested, tagged, and skint all in 24 hours?
You're a proper one of us now.
Compliments for Joe.
Shane?
[inaudible], Kel.
It always has.
It wasn't Maguire money.
It was for a savings, and our own place.
She's right.
Anything you make up your own part is yours.
Add it to your next take.
Oh.
Deja vu.
Time of the month, babe.
We get lots of young ones in here, lately.
Dunno what the attraction is.
Not complaining, though.
Hey, do us a favor?
Watch the bar while I check on Connor.
Yeah, man.
Is something funny?
Three pints and a--
when you're ready.
What, a milkshake?
Man, I'll have a--
Yeah, I know what you meant.
Billy's told us everything.
We've got money.
One more word out of you, smartass,
and you'll be picking glass out of your face
for the next two weeks.
What the fuck are you doing, Mimi?
They're only kids!
Billy Tutton's a lying piece of shit, and not to be trusted.
Do you hear?
Sorry.
And that's what happens if I catch anyone
underage drinking in here!
This isn't a fucking youth club!
(SINGING) And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
You were out of order back there.
I know those kids weren't lying.
Mind your own fucking business!
Well, I saw you with Billy!
Sort it out, Mimi!
Carl!
You really didn't know?
On me babies' lives.
So, what are you gonna do?
Get rid of him.
Well, fuck, that's a bit drastic, innit?
It was only a wank.
What do you take me for, Carl?
I mean sending him on a holiday.
Permanently.
He's always banging on about some auntie in [inaudible]..
So how are you going to do that?
Spread a rumor.
Then you're going to chase him out of town.
And if that doesn't send the bastard packing, plan B.
Mom?
I could do with some help.
Just telling Carl the good news.
He's our new star striker.
Oh, what have I done?
Look, I understand why you did what you did, son.
You wanted your dad back.
The house has gone to shit without me.
I'm sorry, Dad.
Come on.
I promise I'll always be here for you.
But as long as I'm collecting benefits.
Now come on, dry your eyes.
Things didn't work out with your new girlfriend?
Eh-- when it came down to it, I couldn't leave you.
Kel?
Dad's giving us his room.
There's more space.
You need it more than I do.
Making some changes.
Wasn't there something else?
Kel?
You heard about Billy?
It's all over the estate that I'm a kiddy fiddler.
I know. I started it.
All it took was one quick word on the rumor mill,
and bingo-- you're about as popular
as an immigrant at a BNP rally.
For your own good.
I've been chased home from school.
Fucking battered.
Cause of you.
Tell me about it, stud.
I'll go to the police.
I'll-- I'll tell them the real truth.
Be my guest.
The police are probably out there now looking for ya.
I found your auntie, and explained you were having a bit
of trouble with the locals.
Said she'd be glad to have ya.
No!
I love you.
That's what I thought.
Then I realized it's not me you love.
I love you.
You miss your mom.
I love you!
I'm not your mother!
A one way ticket and a few quid to see you through.
One thing they love round here is a fucking good witch hunt.
You're a lamb to the slaughter if you stay.
No!
You've got to sort it.
Everything you've done to me.
Do you even give a shit what you've put me through?
I haven't put in years of hard graft
raising a family so that you could
come along and fuck it all up!
Your family's a gang of fucking thieves and freaks.
They don't deserve ya.
This is your last warning.
No!
Calm down.
You were right.
I could never kill a kid.
Nor a defenseless one, anyway.
Self-defense, your honor.
Don't worry-- I'll make sure you're buried
with your slag of a mother.
[gunshot]
[click]
MIMI (VOICEOVER): Being dead has a funny way of putting life
into perspective.
Makes you appreciate everything you had.
Everyone you left behind.
And before you know it you're 6 feet under,
and it's too late when you finally realize, fuck,
everything I thought I needed to be happy was all an illusion.
I was always happy.
Good job he shot me first.
My gun had real bullets in it.
[theme music]
Not so bad on the sub bench now, is it?
[moaning]