Tickets this way for the Chatsworth express!
Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives
they were given by him upstairs.
And kids, they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
What sounds on earth could replace kids needing
mommy or wives in your face?
Because this, people reckon, and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented-- to calm us
all down, stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estates basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.
You shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers
who cum on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
Scatter!
Party!
[interposing voices]
LIAM: [groan]
Oh shit.
2-2 and there's a minute to go.
PLAYER: For God's sake.
Ref, I need to get someone.
Who are they?
Carl Gallagher and your Micky.
Can't see either of them, can you?
I am Carl Gallagher.
Is this right?
Eh, yeah.
Sorry, Carl.
I didn't recognize you there what with your new, uh, doo.
PLAYER: Where are your shorts, your boots?
Did [inaudible] need the assumed appropriate footware?
JOE (VOICEOVER): All sons start out idolizing their dad.
He's the strongest, funniest, cleverest man you know.
[interposing voices]
JOE (VOICEOVER): You follow in his footsteps,
hoping one day you'll be half the man he is.
[interposing voices]
JOE (VOICEOVER): But as you grow,
you begin to see his flaws.
And then one day, you notice he's no longer out in front.
[inaudible] bought this [inaudible]..
JOE (VOICEOVER): You turn around and there he
is, staggering behind, his weakness there for all to say.
I'll run and fetch another one.
JOE (VOICEOVER): And so the son becomes father to the man.
WOMAN: And get some shoe polish.
I want you looking crisp for Wednesday's meeting.
[inaudible] stout?
The new build security contract?
Only polite we let the [inaudible] old fart
[inaudible] clean boots.
Joe went to see a solicitor this morning.
She'll be [inaudible] jockey by the weekend.
Yeah?
[inaudible] days until Mr. Flash gets his menage trois sorted.
What are you going to do with the money?
See as much of the world as me license will let me.
Don't go blowing your act in a play [inaudible]..
As if.
I keep 30 back for a franchise.
Well, [inaudible] you fail at running pubs.
I haven't got many options, man.
It's either run me own business or work for dad.
And what in the world would draw me back to that?
Good on you.
Spuds.
[screaming]
Jesus, Mand!
What's with all the bruises?
MANDY: It's not what yo think!
Did he do this?
[interposing voices]
I'm supposed to believe that.
Nice one, Frank.
[inaudible] man mate.
You're Carl's son.
If you're down a sub.
You ought to show up.
[inaudible] says [inaudible]
It's a new job, early mornings.
I'm totally shut down.
[interposing voices]
I bet the Bardos wives don't help either.
Let me this easy for you.
You either you walk out that door now and disappear,
or I will disappear you.
Fuck me, mate.
I am never going to get your sense of humor, am I?
So I object to you battering my sister.
Is that a joke to you?
Mate, you've not been well.
If you think I ever hit a woman, then your reasonings
is off target as your football.
She's covered in bruises!
She is not covered!
All right, fair deal.
She's marked.
I don't like it either.
Bang into S&M, she is-- not really my thing.
But the kinky cow won't stop demanding.
I'm just trying to keep your kid sister satisfied, my mate.
No sparring in here.
The emotion's barely dry.
Outside.
[interposing voices]
Fuck it!
[interposing voices]
This has nothing to do with you!
[interposing voices]
There's a pulse.
What if he's dead?
Maybe the best thing.
Can't squeal then.
But if it comes to manslaughter,
someone will talk.
FRIEND: You could barely fight before he was out.
Over my dead body is that lad going back inside.
Go get yourself cleaned up.
One of those will take the rap.
You mean confess?
Go on remand?
And it can't be your father.
Why not?
Well, I've no previous.
Maybe I should confess.
And it can't be Shane.
It just got over a bleeding stroke.
Why should he go down for eight years
just because Mandy's got shit taste in men?
You gonna let any [inaudible] do your talking for you?
Look, if I thought it would go with section 20,
I might think about it. But--
Yes, he is.
Well, like I just said, I don't mind.
Stop your bleating, Micky.
A dough-eyed waif like you would be passed from man to man
like dysentery in a death camp. Is that what your want?
So I did it, then.
I took him out.
You selfish fucking prick of a fuck.
We've no time for that, Patty.
They're all my babies.
A mum's gotta do what a mum's gotta do.
If we can all agree that Mimi McGuire fixed
that Spanish piece of shit over there, then
once the police have pissed off, there's
free drinks inside until dawn.
[interposing voices]
- So who did it? - Mimi.
Yeah, I saw her!
You're absolutely sure about that?
[interposing voices]
Did you hear that, Mand?
Mand?
We're saying mum did it, all right?
Whatever this throws up, you mustn't blame yourself.
Did you know?
I thought there might be someone.
So you did.
So I have you to blame.
A shabby excuse for a friend, you are.
[siren]
[groaning]
Right, that's the phone in, princess.
You ready for the charger?
Mum, the--
On your way.
We can still see each other.
I deserve better.
I deserve fucking better!
Day two of my transfer and I'm already
mopping up a McGuire mess.
Well, yeah.
Me-- me mom's little punch-up went a bit OTT.
I tell you what went a bit OTT, Micky,
were the witness statements.
Got a right bead on her.
And so she leads in with an arm breaker.
He started to leg it.
Then atomic drops him to the floor.
But when he opened the door, who was standing there?
Mimi.
From there, they tumbled out doing a flying mare.
She put her hands around his throat.
Crushed between her smothering thighs.
And said, I hope your last meal
was a good'un, because tonight, lad, you die.
There's no way the lumpy old effort you call mum could
take out a strong, virile man.
Well, she's [inaudible].
I don't mind [inaudible] attempt at a cover up.
It just hurts when you're being so lazy about it.
It insults my intelligence.
Now where will I find Jamie McGuire?
Oh, please [inaudible].
Don't go being a big jobsworth just because I dumped you.
Can't you just accept that me mum did it?
Look, you can have anything you want.
Money, a nice new kitchen, holiday.
Not interested.
How about a lifelong supply of weed?
No!
You know, there is something you can do for me.
It's something I've always dreamt of.
Just under five ton.
Never had such a skimpy prisoner count.
I'm sorry, Mimo.
Sorry about everything.
I can understand you sacrificing yourself
for Jimmy, but for me too.
I know.
I'm glad you know, sweetheart.
Pleased you still have expectations of me.
I know that you went off with some scabby smack whore
and that you betrayed me and our marriage.
Dump her, ditch the junk, and seal the deal with Harry Stout.
Or else, it's good night, Vienna, for us.
Mimi McGuire?
Mimi McGuire, I am arrested on suspicion of assault.
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense
if you do not mention, when questioned,
something which you later rely on in court.
Look after your dad for me, son.
I can't [inaudible].
That's the best way.
We divvy the shite.
It's how this family works.
Remember?
[inaudible]
No, you don't!
[inaudible]
Bastards!
Debbie, Mr. Watson needs 15 pounds off everyone
for the theater trip.
Well, tell him you'll have it by Monday.
[baby crying]
[inaudible] toast, do you?
[baby crying]
Stefan's mum doesn't let him eat any refined
carbs, even if they're organic.
Are you complaining?
Stefan says it sounds top [inaudible]..
Funny seeing you laid out.
Reminds me the time you slipped down the steps at the arena.
Made out you were dead.
Put my hand over your face and see could I feel the breath.
Dead worried.
And then you licked me finger.
I like jumped out me skin.
Dick head.
You had some balls to mess with my family.
I'll give you that.
So he's blackmailing you.
I don't get your problem.
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't still fancy him.
What if I do?
It don't mean I should put out for the closeted twat.
I'm from the land of the free.
But at least I'm not a sadist twat.
I've been looking it up on the internet.
There's this one page, right?
Said before the fellow busted him,
he used a prong batting on him.
Christ Micky.
Why don't I just put you in for a full rectal prolapse?
You cannot let this happen.
Well, what can I do?
If I don't go through with it, he's going
to blow the whistle on RJ.
And while he's at it, he might tell [inaudible]
why he changed his mind.
Tell him about me and him.
Right, so he has this ultimate fantasy.
Only we stop it before it gets to the baton stage.
You offering to help me out?
A word of advice [inaudible] before you're in too deep,
love.
[inaudible] ribs, no front teeth, and a punctured lung for
[inaudible]. - Word of advice.
Lay off the salty snacks, fatty.
Come on, Katie
She was only being helpful.
There's no need to rip the woman's head off.
Everyone's such a fucking expert, aren't they?
At least he wasn't nicking from me
purse or chugging behind my back like most blokes round here.
Fuck me!
When did you decide to settle for so little?
Piss off.
[inaudible] some [inaudible] charge [inaudible]
don't take on soapy losers with kids.
Mandy.
MANDY: You have no idea.
I've got to make the best of whatever comes my way.
FRIEND: Whatever comes your way?
You wouldn't have entertained a tiny bastard,
a smelly one, or even a baldy.
So don't make out that poor little Mandy had no options.
All right.
You've got a brother that will look out for you.
You've got a dad that will see you right
and you've got a decent roof over your head
despite never doing a fucking day's work in your life.
Come on, darling.
Auntie Katie's little friend must be [inaudible]..
Mandy, I'm sorry!
I [inaudible]!
How is it?
Well, part from the depressed wails of the women overnight--
[MUSIC - BONNIE TYLER, "HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO"]
--and the unrelenting physical hardship and the death
of creative stimulus, I'd say conditions
have generally improved.
I'm so sorry, mum.
Couldn't have come at a worse time.
Business hasn't been going great.
And if the Dudnicks get wind, then--
The Dudnicks?
I've never heard of them.
Three months ago, they were selling out [inaudible]
tend to meet in pubs.
Now they're into security, protection.
They'll be drug trafficking before the year is out.
There's no way they'd step on dad's turf.
I appreciate the alarm incident was regrettable.
Regrettable?
Thieves leisurely walk in and lift
40 grams worth of material?
In all the years I've looked after these sites,
how many have gone up?
Son, they're Romanian.
What respect will they have for the old manor system?
Mr. Dudnick, I'm happy to say the papers
are ready for signing.
You've given the work to the Dudnicks?
I think we are done here.
PADDY: Harry!
I'm Councillor Stout to you.
Jamie, I'm destroyed to have to ask you--
No, mum.
please.
You know normally I wouldn't, but with you dad being
in the state that he's in--
What is wrong with him?
Don't know.
I think he picks up [inaudible].
What?
Come on, mum.
There's something you're not letting on.
I'm telling you everything!
Your dad's not right.
The business is up shit creek.
And with Pinky and [inaudible] as much
use as fingerless fiddlers--
Please, Sal Now tell me you've got it.
NEIGHBOR: How much is it this time?
Don't you know?
I paid 60 last month.
Mum, you're panicking.
Shane and Micky will manage.
They're grown man.
They've been raised with the business.
Original lone, 600 over 12 months.
60 times 12, that's 720, which makes Paddy's take 120 quid.
That's right, isn't it, Sputnik?
And it's always me purse [inaudible] getting by.
Well, make sure you have it for next week, OK?
Ey?
Come on, get it all out.
Let's round to 35 big ones, shall we?
You fucking owe me 35 quid!
That's extortion, that is.
You'll be the death of me lads, you will!
Look, you need to trust them and break
the habit of calling out my name whenever there's a crisis.
You put me in this crisis!
Don't.
I never asked you to step up for me.
When I was inside, I promised myself
I would never have anything to do with the business again.
There are few rewards for breaking some junkie's
legs because the desperate bastard's
trying to shortchange me.
Very noble, son--
making promises to yourself.
Some years ago, I vowed I'd never
take another communal shower.
But shit happens.
That is all we got til Friday.
I'd gladly swap, go out and earn a dollar while you mind Stella,
but you'd probably end up killing her.
Oh, what an atmosphere!
I love a party with a happy--
Shut up!
What's up, Shags?
A bunch of bastards keep making my milk.
Day free, and I'm down 20 quid.
I never had once sniff of housewife [inaudible]..
Can't you get a hold of these kids?
Give them a good hiding?
They're on skateboards.
There's this laxative, right?
we give out to people at work who
are having bells [inaudible],, proper nasty [inaudible]..
We can always spike a few bottles.
Within seconds, they'll think the Black
Sea is gushing out their holes.
Right, got to go start [inaudible]..
You all right?
I'm sick of living like this, [inaudible]..
I'm not after holidays off, fancy threads.
Just being able to put some credit on my mobile
would make my day.
You You need a night out, [inaudible]..
Yeah, on what?
[inaudible] beer.
Your dad manages to get pissed every night on note.
Yeah, but he is a shameless scrounger.
Listen, dip a bit out of the budget.
If you can't party on a fiver when you're young and gorgeous,
when can you?
A fiver?
Trust me.
You're outrageous.
Patrick McGuire will not be parked.
Usurped by two rabid Romany peasants?
No fucking way.
MICKY: Where you going?
To think, Micky!
To plan.
And if you bollocks has [inaudible] anything about you,
you'd be doing the same.
Well!
Well, they weren't my fault. Ah!
Fuck you!
[interposing voices]
Get off!
[inaudible] Get off me!
Have you cooled down yet?
Have you?
JAMIE: What's whose fault?
SHANE: Micky?
The shop owners on Devonshire Parade have dumped us.
They're using the Dudnicks now.
Did they give a reason?
All right, they had a mass break in last Sunday.
I've never gotten any of that stuff back.
But I said to you, let's go look for it.
And he said, I can't because I promised Kelly that I'd
do some painting tonight.
For fuck's sake, Shane!
When did glossing Kelly's skirts come before the job job?
Mum's right.
You two are fucking useless.
[club music]
Right, who's gonna help me [inaudible]
and cross the threshold?
[cheering]
A [inaudible] night out, is it?
Something like that.
Hey, what say a fiver for a tit flash?
[interposing voices]
I'm outrageous!
[interposing voices]
[dial tone]
MIMI (ANSWERING MACHINE): Mimi's busy.
Leave a message.
So you're not taking my calls, huh?
Or maybe you've just hit the hay.
First couple of days inside always tired.
Let me guess.
Gym, dinner, Catholic chapel, lights out.
Well, Harry Stout's a fawning fart.
That's all.
He's got new friends now, the Dudnick brothers.
Still [inaudible],, it's given me the jolt
to exercise this vile demon.
Tonight will be my last time.
I'm going cold turkey.
What chances are poppy against the old McGuire grit, huh?
Come on, dad.
Get some protein down you.
Mom won't want to come home to some scrawny puke.
You think she'll want to come home?
Dad, off visiting.
Would you mind looking after Katie for a few hours?
Mandy, take the child with you.
Your mum want to see us both.
It's not mum she's going to see.
It's him.
No time to see the woman that's doing time because of her.
Doing time because of me?
Doing time because of you.
She's running grapes to the gutless cunt that beats her.
Please, Mandy.
Tell me this isn't right.
Your [inaudible] once put me in a guilt trip.
Have you been to see mom?
No.
So you can stop firing the disappointed looks.
I was thrilled when all my babies were born.
But when my wee girl was placed into my arms
and stared up at me with the most innocent trusting
eyes that I'd had ever saw, well,
love hit me like a bullet.
And you would always love her and respect her.
You gonna look after her or what?
Kills me to know you can't do the same for yourself.
Course we'll mind her.
I have a few errands to run.
I'll find you a babysitter.
[tv chatter]
All right.
[inaudible] let's see what visual delights there are
for our corneal delectation.
[jazz music]
Oh, "Last Tango in Paris."
[screaming]
Gallagher!
Well, no, no, [inaudible].
You can watch "Barney" later.
Gallagher!
Will you fetch me up some tissues?
Here you are.
Danny made them for us.
Cheers, mate.
Sure you don't mind giving us a lift?
It's all right.
I'll get my bum cheeks waxed after I drop
you off at the [inaudible].
Looks like you're well settled here.
KID: I suppose I am.
[inaudible] auntie [inaudible] stay until she found
the proper care [inaudible].
Doesn't seem to be much of a hurry, though.
Any art living with a strange teenager you can't [inaudible]..
See, that could describe our gal.
It's great.
I can do what and who I like.
I don't have to hide nothing from no one.
Um, how are things with your dad?
He made me feel about as rubbish as you can feel.
Walked away and slapped myself, hoping it was a dream.
Fat fucking chance.
I'll get the car keys.
In all the time we've been together,
he's never once told me he loves me.
Look at you nodding away at me.
not a bloody clue what I'm going on about, have you?
They know the vittles.
Next, they'll smell the fear.
Then they'll pounce.
I'd call [inaudible],, offered him a back-hander.
Only the bank called first thing.
The account's overdrawn.
[inaudible] the lads talk yesterday.
Please, Jamie you've got to help me.
What did you take yesterday?
It should be 10 times that.
But with it being near the end of the month,
you know people are--
Business is on the brink and yous
twos lounging around killing time like Jeeves
and fucking Worcester.
Piss off and do some work.
Meet me outside the community center at 4:00.
Crap being the eldest, isn't it?
Things really that bad?
Well, they're not good.
So what will you do?
I'll teach those fuckers how it's done.
[water running and moaning]
Payback time, Micky.
His cock frocked wildly as he watched
the Sergeant's warm, wet mouth engulf his long, taut tool.
Keep going, keep going.
Um--
Keep going!
Keep going, you little [inaudible] bitch!
JAMIE: A strong finger poked the palladium hard.
The perineum, you cretin!
Keep going.
JAMIE: And [inaudible] the palla--
perineum, whatever-- as the body--
Yes, yes.
--jerking up and down, down and up, twisting--
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Um, softer and harder, twisting--
oh, come on. - Hang on, man.
I'm not there yet.
I said keep it going. Rhythm!
Rhythm, sunshine!
Not a--
Twisting--
[inaudible]
And second left by the chippy.
OK, [non-english]
There you go.
Oh shit.
The detective [inaudible] inside him.
What next?
Twisting, twisting.
Freeze!
Fuck me!
Not that you'd want to.
Why, Sergeant Moran!
Uh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Please, can this stay between us?
I'm up for inspector next month.
I can get you off station watch, finding you something in--
Bribery might be a part of your policing, Sarge,
but I'm not going there.
It insults my intelligence.
And where the fuck was you?
Twisting it was the cue.
It couldn't be any fucking simpler.
In fact, it was your idea.
I know, I'm sorry.
I got tied up.
On duty!
Oh, did he get his prong baton out?
No!
Now fuck off!
Oh, don't be like this!
Look at the positive.
You're not wounded, you've kept your brother out of the knick,
and you got some handjob practice in!
Anything else while I'm on me toes?
It's a loss finding yourself alone, dad.
Paddy, I've been here.
I know what you're going through.
[inaudible] the switch from hunter
gatherer to primary carer is demasculizing.
You've got to wrestle this black dog,
send it down the road packing.
Well, Francis, thank you for coming to my emotional rescue.
Now would you kindly open the window,
piss off, and leave a sick man in peace?
Oh, [inaudible].
Ah!
Help!
Oh!
Oh.
PADDY: Gallagher?
Gallagher!
[crying]
[moaning]
[knocking]
[crying]
A delivery for Shane McGuire.
Tell him it's [inaudible].
If he don't want to kill his [inaudible]
at least he got got a [inaudible] in his milk
powder [inaudible].
[crying]
Frank!
I've an awful sore throat on me, so I
need you to pop out and fetch me home some lozenges.
FRANK: [inaudible]
OK, this is how the Dudnicks do it.
This is how you'll do it from now on.
Mate, can I get an ambulance please
in number 10 Cavendish Walk?
There's a lady here, slit through, pissing blood.
Thanks.
Paddy McGuire wants his 100 notes.
I'll just go and get it.
See?
Hey, what's going on?
What's happening?
Oh, no, stop it!
Sputnik's racing on Friday!
20% APR my ass.
Paddy McGuire is not fucking Visa.
I want the outstanding 80 now.
OK, OK.
I'll, uh, I'll have to nip down to the cash point, mate.
That's all right.
Since you're such a valued customer, I'll drive you there!
[old-timey music]
[crying]
Where's the [inaudible]
It's not so much him I'm crying for.
It's me poor mum. It is.
Remember, I'm always here, OK?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Cheers, Danny
Any change?
Mandy!
I'm sorry for being a cow.
I suppose I'm just mad at you for caring about him.
I understand.
If anyone was hurting my lovely best mate,
I'd rip the face off.
Come here, you soft bitch!
Why do you keep going to see him?
Don't know.
[inaudible] always going to be all right or not.
Then I can start making decisions.
But until then, I'm stuck.
So once you know, you'll stop seeing him.
I'd be an idiot to do anything else.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah [inaudible]..
[heavy breathing]
[crying]
Oh, fuck's sake, McGuire!
It's all one-way traffic with you, isn't it?
Go in there, [inaudible] Katie, [inaudible]
while I took Katie, you [inaudible] still up.
Remember, terror is more effective than brutality.
It's all about surprise, yeah?
You can collect from Devonshire parade on your own.
FRANK: Paddy?
Paddy, [inaudible]?
Paddy, where are you?
Oh fuck, no!
Christ, Gallagher!
A man's [inaudible] is sacred!
You knock before entering!
It's gonna kill you, Paddy!
Oh, and alcoholism won't?
I'm not trying to behold you on that.
Just listen to me! - [inaudible] fuck no!
Fuck.
No, I can't let you!
[grunting]
Come on, I can't let you!
I can't let you!
JAMIE: Fuck you doing?
Well, give me a lift, will you?
I'm trying to save him from himself.
The drop off man says it's pure.
Fuck no!
PADDY: Get-- ah!
You know, they say that tobacco
is the hardest habit to kick.
It's mine.
How could you, dad?
At least we know what's up with him now.
JAMIE: A dealer never touches his own stuff.
Isn't that what you've always said?
Dad!
You think after all these years clean I woke up one
morning and thought, why don't I stick a needle in my own vein
and test my own wares?
This was done to me!
By who?
Fuck off!
Fuck off the lot of you!
None of your own fucking business!
Fuck the lot of yous!
How dare ye question me?
Stop your fucking [inaudible]!
You're not some fucking [incoherent shouting]
I'm telling you, 20 seconds max.
She'd never known they'd been touched.
Mm-hm.
They'll be [inaudible] let you out [inaudible] legend.
Are you?
Well, constables know, you sexist prick.
Debbie, Mr. Whiteford said he needs
that 15 quid before weekend.
BOY: Right, [inaudible] having a go.
Eh?
Good luck.
- Come on! - Good luck?
You never have good luck.
Need a steady hand [inaudible]
Where'd you get that from?
What about credit for your mobile?
So who's going to run things?
Dad can't.
I suppose it's left to [inaudible]
to step up to show his mettle.
He's creative, handy, flexible.
With respect, Kelly, dad doesn't do interior design.
I'm taking over.
KELLY: [inaudible] son succeeds.
Fucking typical.
Do you have a problem with that, Shane?
To be honest, babe, I just want to be free to invest
me energies in other stuff.
Trafficking body parts-- that's where the serious money is.
See?
Visionary.
You said nothing could draw you back.
Don't make me explain myself, mum.
Your livelihood comes from this business.
[inaudible] stop to me [inaudible]
and you and Katie go without.
KATIE: Mommy!
I'm coming.
SHANE: Well, what about the Dudnicks?
JAMIE: You don't need to worry about them anymore.
Well, I want you two round this table tomorrow morning,
8 o'clock.
We'll be talking business models and enforcement.
OK.
OK?
Uh huh.
JAMIE (VOICEOVER): There's a Spanish proverb,
says an ounce of blood is worth more than a pound
of friendship.
Being part of a family isn't always easy.
It can be unpleasant.
There's rivalry--
Get off me, faggot.
JAMIE (VOICEOVER): --resentment, feeling stifled.
They can disappoint you, disgust you.
But you never give up on them.
You'll sacrifice your own wants and needs because like it
or not, you're tied to the tossers for life.
Friends and lovers may come and go, but the clan remains.
[theme music]
What dainty dishes will the weary manny
feast from before quenching the most arid of thirsts?
Sod all, that's what.
[fart]
[groaning]
[inaudible] friend.
Yes, mate.
[fart]
[groan]