[music playing]
Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Come and watch Pikeys making a mess of the lives
they were given by him upstairs.
And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing
money and wives in your face.
Because this, people reckon, and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented,
to calm us all down.
Stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.
You shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers,
who'll come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now.
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now.
Scatter!
MICKY MAGUIRE (VOICEOVER): I used to fall over
on purpose, when I was little.
I loved having stingy stuff on my cuts.
Hugs.
[inaudible] missed a [inaudible] plaster.
When I picked off my scabs to get more TLC,
mom sussed us out--
told me to do my own fucking first aid--
stopped mothering me.
But I realized she was teaching us a lesson--
you got to be a big boy, look out for number one, right?
But what happens if you can't take care of yourself?
One day, chicken Licking was playing under an oak tree
when suddenly, an acorn fell on his head.
Poor chicken Licking didn't know that it was an acorn.
He thought the sky was falling down,
so he hurried off to tell the King.
This is serious.
Fucking, Mimi.
Fucking, Kelly.
MIMI MAGUIRE: Patrick, there's a queue out here.
Yeah, I won't be long.
MICKY MAGUIRE : I've got a bladder full of beer.
Sink.
Empty it first, though.
[knocking]
MIMI MAGUIRE: Fuck's sake, Paddy.
Sleepwalking.
Improvising.
Your father's moved into the bathroom.
Oh, you can tell number son's moved back home.
I have to piss in Ivan's yard.
Oy.
Get a move on.
I want us all there when they bring
our Shane out of his coma.
- I'm not sure I can be there. - You are.
But what if he doesn't wake up?
What if he's special?
He'll be fine.
The doctor said there was low levels of brain activity.
PADDY MAGUIRE: We didn't need a scan to tell us that.
Be a man and do as your mother says.
Right.
Please god, our Shane won't wake up a cabbage,
but if it's his will, we stay strong.
OK.
All right.
Chop, chop, upstairs, get ready-- quick as you can.
[baby crying]
Oh, [inaudible] she's crying.
Small man, your sister.
Sorry, don't know that sort of crying.
It's not a hungry cry, so I can't feed her.
It's not a change me sound, and she
slept all through the night, so she can't be tired.
Poor little thing.
Where is every one?
No molester--
LIAM GALLAGHER: Debbie's doing her homework.
Piss off waste men.
LIAM GALLAGHER: Carl's is getting
ready for his footie match.
And, um-- dad's doing some housework.
Right.
Fetch everyone now-- family conference.
All right, all right, listen up.
I've called us all together, because your daughter's
got thrush.
You OK with this being discussed?
Not me.
Stella-- she got a mouth infection.
Someone's not been sterilizing her bottles.
She'll end up in social services.
I rinse them.
NORMA STARKEY: OK look, we'll get us some antibiotics
to clear it up.
But this can't happen.
It's up to us to look after her now.
Look, I've drawn up this rota, right?
Whoa, whoa, noise, noise.
What's all this us and we?
Gallagher, Gallagher, Gallagher, benefit of the doubt,
even speedy Gonzalez there, But you?
Fuck's it to you?
Ah, dad?
No, she loiters, scraps off our table, her mate's done one.
Why is she still here?
You need to look after Stella properly.
Talking to a professional--
raised more kids than Barnardo's.
Oh wake up, bruv.
Please, don't be soft.
I'm just going to get some fresh air.
MIMI MAGUIRE: I'll keep watch.
He moved, I think.
There.
I'll fetch the doctor.
Shane, can you hear me?
Oh, my baby.
Shane, it's your mom.
Say something.
SHANE MAGUIRE: Hello.
Hiya, kid.
How's the loaf?
It hurt.
[inaudible] oh, uh-- what is wrong with my hands?
What is wrong with me?
CARL GALLAGHER: All right, Norma, you've
done [inaudible] that one.
I'm away then.
OK.
For good like.
LIP GALLAGHER: Take it easy.
Can you open this for us?
All right.
Thanks.
Are you off then?
Do you think I should stay?
If I had to stay out here for as long as you have,
I'd probably want to go home.
Well this-- this is my--
See ya.
[music playing]
Don't like it.
Stop mucking around.
Eat it.
Be a good girl for your mum, Katie.
She's looking pretty for you, too.
She got a bit of color in cheeks.
Has she been on her jollies without telling?
You're all right Karen.
I'll replace it.
I don't mind.
It's just it's decent stuff, and a little goes a long way.
I wanted to try something darker.
Joe goes on at me looking anemic.
I wouldn't put up with that.
I don't want to.
I wanted a change, that's all.
Who let you in?
Your cleaner.
I told her I had a mighty urge to snog my girlfriend.
Morning, beautiful.
Big game today, isn't it?
Aye, going to get stuck into this lot.
Have you been on a sun bed?
Out of the tub.
You know, trying a new look.
Well, I think she looks great.
Oh, sorry, totally missed my cue, there, didn't I?
MANDY MAGUIRE: Joe--
PADDY MAGUIRE: Thanks, doctor.
I appreciate it.
You won't win brain of Britain,
but you're coming home.
They need the bed.
You remember what happened, don't you?
You're not going to go Borne identity?
No.
Me and Kell, we were conning Larry and Leonard.
- He's getting mixed up. - And I was--
you fooled him and I--
I robbed him.
One come-- came and punched me.
You fucking devious tart.
I should have known.
Drop it, Mimo.
This is between me and her.
You OK.
Fine.
Just bastard heartburn.
This is mad.
We should be celebrating.
Oh I will.
And so will my son without you.
He's coming home to get some proper care.
I can look after him.
You going to feed him, wash him,
speech therapy, physiotherapy--
big difference dressing as a dirty nurse
and wiping a dirty arse.
That's enough.
Just giving her a chance to walk.
I know she's thinking about it.
[music playing]
PADDY MAGUIRE: I'm just nipping out.
Be nice.
Ow.
CARL GALLAGHER: I'm telling you, boss.
Stick us up front.
Keep playing the ball like over the top.
And [inaudible].
I'll run all day, me.
Speed, creatine, and Viagra-- reckons it will make him more
potent in front of the goal. - Right.
Well, I'm loving the commitment, Carlos,
but you might want to stick to more traditional methods
of conditioning.
Karen, when you get a sec--
microwave, full power, for a minute.
Ta.
Pre-match meal for the lads.
I'm not fucking eat that.
You are eating it.
I'll do it.
What's he like.
Wanker.
You reckon?
Pff.
Captain of the footie team.
Big fucking mick.
Calling all the shots-- says jump, and you jump, or else.
Or else what?
I don't know.
He'll play you left back.
[cheers]
Nice one, dude.
Hey, Jonesy, good man.
You know that local custom-- he who jacks the bandit--
Fuck off.
Well what if he stays like this?
Can't walk, can't talk, people trying not to look as he
drags himself along the street?
He will get better.
It's just going to take time and help.
Listen, I didn't exactly grow up dreaming of emptying
colostomy bags all day, but some patients really need your help.
They can't do it themselves.
Well, apart from the perverts who shit themselves
just to get a bed bath.
Murder, aren't they?
You can do this.
Your job is all about taking care of people.
Just see it as another personal service.
Anyway, better get back.
Floor management subcontract me job out at twice the cost.
PADDY MAGUIRE: Oy!
Watch where the fuck you're going, all right?
Fuck you.
KELLY BALL: Easy bruiser.
You'll give me a heart attack.
Miss the target, you'll give yourself one.
You can't find a decent vein, because of UV lights in here
to stop them showing up.
You could always try your eye, or your nuts--
depends on what you need it, or them, I suppose.
Leave me alone.
And let you collapse a vein--
can you imagine your missus?
My Paddy, dead on the bog.
Needle hanging off him.
And you fucking knew he was using?
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Not really.
Come here.
Looks like you got a bubble.
It makes no odds to me, just want
to check you're doing it right.
You should tell her--
Mimo.
Give her a chance to fight for you,
because when you need smack, no way could she compete.
Shane's coming back with me.
Find a way of squaring that with his mom.
Fine.
Give it here.
And you-- let him do his own thing outside the family--
no taxing.
OK.
Weren't a bubble.
Syringe is cracked.
It's useless.
Fuck off.
Where you going?
What am I supposed to do?
It depends how desperate you are.
You could always neck it, wait for it to work.
Very funny.
I need it now.
Give us ten bob.
[fire alarm]
[laughing]
Fire alarm.
All visitors have to do one.
Be back soon, love.
Be brave, son.
Where the fucking hell have you been?
You're soaking wet.
Devious slag.
There you go.
Are you all right?
Oh, cheers.
It's all right.
Well let's get you comfy.
Pillows-- up or down?
Up, I rec.
You've been on your back more than me, past week.
What's the matter?
Bollocks.
I'm a fucking retard.
Shh.
Don't say that.
Look at me.
I can't even talk.
What if-- what if I can't get better?
You're going to get right.
How can you-- you don't know that.
I chuffin' well do, cause I'm going to fix you.
I can do this.
You just need to trust me.
OK?
Beer's off.
So? Change it.
Well, can't you do it?
KAREN GALLAGHER: Everything all right?
Fine.
Fancy going out tomorrow night?
Good for me to get out of here.
Go for a dance and a proper chat.
Yeah.
I'll ran it past Joe.
Why, what's it to him?
He might have something planned.
I won't hold me breath then.
What's that supposed to mean.
You don't always have to do what Joe says.
I know, Karen.
I'm just saying.
Well don't bother.
Ian, can you man the bar for a minute?
Yeah.
Look at me.
Me heart's going like fucking clappers.
Am I going to die?
Could you try?
Because then we'd get this much abandoned instead
of having to start a man down.
What the fuck is that?
PLAYER: Right, ten minutes to kick-off.
Yeah, all right, ref.
I won't be a sec.
If you're looking for Jamie--
I'm not here to see him.
All right, well, we're just about to kick-off.
Well, you can go when I'm done.
You don't get everything your own way, tough guy.
All right.
Whatever, Karen.
I know what you've been up to, and it stops right now.
You've lost me.
You don't think I know why Mandy slapped
all that fake tanner on her.
Listen to me, whatever you two have been yapping about--
She said nothing. She doesn't have to.
Oh, so it's all [inaudible] This
is what happens when you've got too
much spare time on your hands.
You need to get laid.
Take your hands off me.
I'll scream and Jamie will be here--
Oh, what, him?
[music playing]
[voices]
Ah!
He's always the last out.
He's superstitious.
I'll chase him up, yeah?
All right then.
Yeah.
Ah.
JAMIE MAGUIRE: Fuck sake, Joe.
It's getting cold out here, mate.
What the fuck you doing?
I'm just warming up, mate.
My hamstring's tighter than a banjo string.
Just give a sec, yeah?
I'm going to go for a piss. JAMIE MAGUIRE: Yeah.
Well, hurry up, mate.
The ref's going to start without ya.
Fuck.
That were close.
How did he get bored of that?
Fucking prick.
JOE PRITCHARD: What?
Fuck off.
KAREN GALLAGHER: Well, you want a go at me now an' all?
JOE PRITCHARD: What do you think I am?
KAREN GALLAGHER: I don't think--
I know.
Touch Mandy again--
I would never hurt Mandy, never.
Fuck me.
People in glass houses.
You what?
You heard.
I've seen the way you treat Jamie, nipping at his head
all the time.
Lad's a shadow of.
And I don't think you can really make threats now.
Oh see oh see, don't you stop, just set
your feet down to the bishop.
A couple of these and a bucket of ale.
Don't give a toss if you haven't got a tail.
[inaudible] and the wheels go round.
RUBY: Hello?
What? what?
RUBY: Hello?
All right.
You always were a grumpy bitch in the morning.
Oh, Ru.
What you dressed like a politician for?
I run the yard now.
Got to distinguish myself from the drivers somehow.
Oh, jeez.
Well, can I come in?
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, I'm still a bit--
What are you doing?
It came loose.
Fine.
I'll put it back.
No.
Shane's flown the nest.
It's time I started looking after the ones under my nose.
It's good to have you back, Jamie.
Well, let's hope it's not for long, eh?
I'm moving back here at my age?
It's not exactly progress.
Do you want to go home?
I don't--
I don't want it ruining it for us.
It won't.
Sometimes, shit's sent to test us.
We'll get through this. We'll get through owt.
And we will, I promise.
Got a sec?
Practice your p sounds, eh?
puh, puh.
Puh.
Fancy giving him a break?
Backlog.
I just want to get somewhere, so he don't lose heart.
Let me crack on for a bit.
Puh.
I've got an idea.
We're going to play a little game of little footie.
Watch the lips.
I want you to put the ball between the puh, puh, puh,
posts.
Use what's left of your imagination.
[whistle blow]
Puh.
Buh. Buh.
Puh.
Again. Breathe.
- Buh. - Go on.
Puh.
Let me help the girls out for a bit.
No.
G-- on more goal.
Come on.
OK.
Go on, big shot.
Puh.
Goal!
Ha, ha.
I fucking love your heart, Shane Maguire.
- Ditto. - Ditto.
Yeah.
Right.
Let's do some work on your t's, eh?
Kettle's boiled.
Sorry.
Like what you've done with the place.
Oh, it's my mother's old stuff.
I never quite got around to throwing it away.
Home from home.
Oh, I'm not that far, actually.
That's my regular gaff over there.
What's going on, Nu?
Nothing.
Everything's grand.
I'm just between--
Between what?
--lives, I suppose.
Did you love her?
Probably too much.
She fucked off, of course.
Lately, I just don't where I'm supposed to be.
I'm like the shit on the shoe of this family,
and they try and scrape us off, but I'm always
fucking there, lingering.
I don't know why I'm still fucking there.
You're not shit.
There's tea on the other end-- almost certainly is.
Come on, let's go back to my place, brew a decent copper,
get you fed, have a shower, maybe.
You're amongst friends, mate.
Cheers.
[music playing]
That's fuck off.
Yes.
Lillian?
Fuck off yourself, skinny bint.
So what's, fuck me, then?
You're living rent free at his place,
and you're charging him for babysitting?
Well, he's a full-time job.
And you don't give a toss where the money
is coming from, or about him?
I think you need to buy this old man a drink, son.
Mark it.
Mark what?
I have never been so proud of you.
Oy, Carl?
Uh-- lager, please?
JAMIE MAGUIRE: All six goals came from us messing up.
We just switched off.
As for fuckwit, here--
Well you can't blame me.
I wasn't even on the pitch.
Any thoughts for the captain?
Well it's obvious where the problem is mate--
spineless, no fight, a bunch of fucking pussies--
Piss off.
Problem, Carlos?
Joe?
Finally-- a reaction.
A bit harder on the pitch, and less hard ons off.
Don't.
My chub's only just gone down.
Still fancy doing something tonight?
Don't want to put you out.
You're not.
Good to get away from here for a bit.
Get me mam to mind Katie.
Take the whole bottle mate.
Not even a text to say he'd slept OK, asked after us.
Selfish slut.
I'm sorry, am I boring you?
Just tired.
You're always tired.
He's only been there a day.
Poor girl's probably got her work cut out.
It's not right.
Sons need their mothers.
What the hell are you doing?
KELLY BALL: Speech therapy.
He's relearning how to make tih sounds.
Already got him p'd.
Making a fool of him.
I'm making him better.
If the boy is improving--
Why are you siding with her all of a sudden?
Just trying to keep the peace.
Whenever you want home, your ma's
hot pot in front of the box--
just say the words.
If he can pronounce it.
What, sweet face?
I just realized you're only doing it-- doing
this to get one over on me mom.
No, I'm not.
OK.
I wanted to prove a point, but I want you to get better.
Because you can't stand seeing me like this.
No.
Stop feeling sorry for me.
I don't want you--
your fucking pity.
Sorry, I dozed off.
You must have needed it.
Anything?
What?
Oh, no.
Just checking the time.
But no messages.
No.
Well, you've done well yourself, Ru.
Look, not design.
I fell about it at auction and then didn't have
the cash to see it through.
It's nice.
Oy.
You're the only person to ever call me Ru.
Do you know that?
A fellow in the office did for a while, but I nipped it.
So when did you come off the lorries?
I was never a [inaudible], Nu.
Driving weren't for me.
Kept getting my nails caught in the pallet.
Ha.
It's funny how things turn out, eh?
Things haven't turned out like anything.
Life's a work in-progress.
You can always make changes.
- What? - You stop it.
You're going to give me an heart attack,
or yourself an amputation.
Sorry.
It's just Shane's skank's taking the piss,
and your dad's on her side.
Jamie can't stand to be here.
It's like it's open season on me.
It's not.
You say anything to please people--
have done all your life.
No I don't.
You don't know nothing about me, how I'm feeling, who I'm with--
you haven't got a clue.
Twist the knife, son.
I'm not having a go, but will you stop
feeling sorry for yourself.
You're supposed to be our mom.
Yeah.
You're right.
And while I'm here, that junkie's giving my Shane rehab.
I brought him into this world.
I can give him life again.
Nobody loves her son like he's mom.
Ever talk to me like that again, and you'll be
gargling with your testicles.
Right?
Right.
[sighs] [inaudible]
Oh, my baby.
Oh, who's there?
You think that's making my son better?
Think?
Shane's resting.
On the fucking floor!
I'm taking him home for some normality.
It's very normal at your house.
Get that in order, before you come around here cursing me.
You're a smackhead slag, living
in a fucking knocking shop.
How's hubby doing?
You pull me up for neglecting Shane,
while your man's wasting away in front of your very eyes.
He's got a bug.
And I'm Mary Poppins.
Nice to fucking meet ya.
Take the blinkers off, Mimi.
You poisonous bitch.
I'm going to fucking kill you.
He's a smackhead.
That's why he's so wasted.
I seen him.
I had to help, he was so desperate.
Oh, you think all that--
mother fucking superior.
Your family's in bits.
Maybe you should take a look in the mirror.
Enough.
RUBY: I've got a spare room.
You could move in here until you get
yourself sorted out, or longer.
Oh, look--
I don't think I'm ready for that Ru, it's a bit--
Hey, I'm not proposing.
There's no civil ceremony on the cards.
I'm just trying to help out--
no strings.
Why are you doing this?
As I recall, when we split up, you weren't too happy.
You popped me cherry, no--
at least my dike cherry.
It was a bit of a confusing time.
I know I behaved like a dick-- don't we all?
You've nothing to worry about.
I don't believe in love.
It becomes a dead weight around your neck before long.
I look after me these days, and if there's
a bit of something along the way, then all the better.
Three.
I know I've been a numpty and pushy.
I just wanted you back faster.
I'd love you if you were laying mute and seeing 10 of me.
Two is more than enough.
So are we mates again?
I forgive you.
Fuck off.
Let me have a shit in peace, will you?
Shh, shh, shit.
I thought you were with Shane.
That's not what you think.
I'm sick of hearing lies.
It wasn't my fault.
Don't get high on your own supply--
golden rule.
That's what separates us from them.
I fucked up.
Never went to Spain.
Never even got on the flight.
They shafted us-- stuck a hit over my head,
and tortured me, on our remaining children's lives.
I want names.
They're long gone.
Very convenient.
They tricked me.
Pumped me full of smack till I was hooked, and tossed me
on the street with this fucking curse,
to remind me of how stupid I was.
Drug dealers don't shove needles in the competition
for no reason.
Please, believe me.
I don't know anything, anymore.
Don't know who my kids are, if they're happy or not.
Why?
I don't know what shit you're in, but you're clearly lying.
I'm not.
I don't know who I am.
When did I become surplus to requirements?
Is this is my fault?
Am I to blame?
No.
Jesus, no.
[music playing]
So what do you make of Joe, then, really?
He's nice.
You weren't saying that yesterday.
You said he was bossing me.
God, how strong is that?
Karen?
Well, considering my current circumstances,
I am not really the best judge.
Come on, bloke-free night, remember?
Woo!
[phone buzzing]
RUBY: Anything important?
It's Just Liam.
He wants to know if I've seen the remote for the telly.
Cheeky bastard.
You know what you were saying earlier
about not believing in love--
did you mean that?
You're born alone and you die alone.
Anything else is just a romantic notion.
Well maybe, but living with no hope.
Look after number one--
you don't need to rely on hope.
Well, I'm not the world's greatest optimist,
but that's a bit of a cold outlook.
RUBY: Kept you warm enough earlier on.
It's like shutting down a whole area
of life for yourself.
You're not replying?
Well, I know where it is.
Not now.
I'm not here to fight.
I said some stuff you just don't say, so I--
- Me. - Yeah.
Well the mother-in-law, kind of.
I went too far.
Sorry.
Is he in?
And does he know that you know?
Oh yeah.
It's for the best.
You don't want to do this by yourself.
Fucking gobshite-- none of your business.
Keep your voice down.
Don't blame her.
At least she had the bottle to say.
Where you going?
Just let me do it my way.
I'll wean myself off. - Christ.
I hate this as much as you, but I've been away too long.
Rivals are circling.
And I can't stay at home waiting for this to pass.
We've survived worse than this.
There is no worse than this.
This family needs you.
I won't be long.
Fine. Go.
And don't come back.
Go to bed, Paddy.
You can sleep through it.
You need us.
Think about it.
You know how this ends.
Should have let the bastard go.
He's trying.
There's still a chance.
He's had his chance.
I know you feel betrayed, but all the time you sit
here stewing, is time wasted.
You can help him, but you have to act now.
[laughter]
- Nearly there now. - Right.
This way.
Oh, man down.
Oh for fuck's sake.
There we go.
Right.
Sit down.
Right.
Jamie, fetch her a brew.
Good night, then?
You?
No, it was quiet.
Did you miss us?
Obviously.
I bet.
So Joe, when's our next match?
It's a week Saturday.
Why, are you going to pop down?
Will I get to come in the changing room?
No fun otherwise.
No fun at all.
Their arses aren't exactly premiership standard.
Who's looking at the arses?
Behave.
Going make me?
What?
I'm only messing with him.
You're all right with that, aren't you, Joe?
Yeah.
You two get off.
I'll see to her.
- What, you? - Right.
I think we should call it a night and go back to mine.
Maybe I should stay.
See you tomorrow, Karen.
Yep.
JAMIE MAGUIRE: Right.
Let's get you upstairs, eh?
Fuck off.
I can walk.
Hey, hey, put your arm around me.
You got a diary full of appointments?
No.
I'm going home.
Eh?
Where?
To them.
To the kids.
You're happy just to be a doormat.
There are moments, tiny maybe, but good ones.
I'd like to leave me gear in the yard
though, you know, just in case.
You're always welcome.
FRANK GALLAGHER: The only place Stella actually settles
is the Jockey.
It doesn't mean you have to sit in there all day
pissing away the housekeeping.
It's a business, not a shelter.
What are we going to do for food?
How are we going to feed Stella?
NORMA STARKEY: With my money from the lorries.
I'm home.
Oh yeah, Norma left.
I love you.
I'll even put up with this shit, because my heart is here,
and that's what matters.
I think you'll find names on leases, matters more, legally.
NORMA STARKEY: All I'm asking for is a shelf in the fridge,
some space for me shite round the bath,
and just maybe a bit of sensitivity, now and then.
In return, I'll chip in a quarter of me take home.
I've got a 12:30 kick-off.
[baby crying]
Missed you.
God, you're easily bought, son.
MICKY MAGUIRE (VOICEOVER): We all need
a hand, every now and again.
Some more than others and--
You're getting there.
MICKY MAGUIRE (VOICEOVER): --whether
we like it or fucking not--
Fuck
MICKY MAGUIRE (VOICEOVER): --whether it's
having to struggle little bits of hair
held up when we're throwing up, being like hugged
when we feel shit.
Nobody can get by on their own.
[music playing]
[inaudible]
Whoa!
Oh my--
Lock on the door costs extra.
Oh you dirty--
oh, you're fucking me.
In your dreams.