Chickies, this way for the [inaudible] Express.
All this making a mess of the lives they were given
by [inaudible],, and kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing money.
A why and a face, because this people reckon, and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly
invented to calm us all down.
Stop us, called mental, these are [inaudible] states,
basic essentials [inaudible] are worth every penny.
[inaudible] you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without chaps with walking
in who come on your face with the price of a beer.
[inaudible]
cheaper drugs now.
You know what they say, a change is as good as a rest.
Well, who's they?
Never really been into all that philosophy bollocks,
if I'm honest.
Mom says it's because I'm the type
what calls a spade a spade.
What the fuck else you gonna call it?
Sometimes, you just wake up and want to do something different,
and you've got to go with it.
Because if you ignore it, you get fucking nowhere.
I've got something to tell you.
Sounds ominous.
I don't want you to judge me or disown me.
Somebody's been watching too much Jeremy Kyle.
I'm serious.
I just need to get it out in the open,
saves any sneaking about or bullshit.
College?
Study? You?
I knew this would happen.
And what about the business?
It's only part time.
Studying what exactly?
Film.
And who's going to pay for that?
I will.
A qualification, like?
Obviously.
To think we fought all our lives
to bring you up right, son, for you
to just go throw it all back in our faces
by turning to education.
Karen?
Where's me shin pads?
Karen?
I'm busy.
Well, have you seen them?
Well, have you looked?
Yeah.
Can't find them anywhere.
Since when did I become your mom?
Oh, forget it.
You can't even walk properly out of here.
Here's me working my tits off trying to sort this party
and all you can think about is forte.
You're paying people to help you.
It'll be fine.
It won't be fine.
You can't just keep burying your head in the sand.
What do you want me to do?
Make more effort. That'd be a start.
Debbie?
Please?
Please, come on.
Just a fiver.
The last time, promise.
It's always last time, promise.
Oh, come on, I'm doing me bit for the credit crunch.
You still owe me a tener from Tuesday.
Hey, how's it go?
The only man who sticks close to you
in adversity other than a friend is a creditor.
Don't talk shit.
Yeah, but you're my daughter.
You're far closer than any friend of mine.
You haven't got any friends, Dad.
Is that clown harassing you?
Nothing I can't handle.
It was my mate what made me come.
He's gone away.
It's made me realize, you've got to grab stuff while you can.
You know, go for it.
And when you watch a film, well, that takes you away,
doesn't it?
So I thought I'll try this.
You know, learn something new, which is ace, isn't it?
Thanks, Micky.
Good to know it's not just cause you
think Will Smith's [inaudible].
What do you think?
Stunning.
I missed football practice for this.
Hey, Karen, how about a stripper for the party?
We could charge them more.
Not bad for you.
Nice move.
Oh my God.
What have you done?
Oh, Jesus.
That's a babe.
Get rid of it.
What?
It's not mine.
We should call the police.
No way.
They'll shut us down.
Get rid of it.
You get that seen to, and you take over.
Homework?
It's part of my assignment.
An assignment?
Very clever.
I just want something for myself.
Why do you always have to take the piss?
I'm not, son.
No, you've got Dad.
Jamie's got the Jockey.
Shane's got Kelly.
Mandie's got Katie.
What have I got?
A few pairs of shit flickers and a pink car.
Tell you the truth.
I've thought about studying for years.
I got to do something like this, What have you got to do then?
Well, they do it in Hollywood.
You've got to put the whole film into one sentence,
and see if it sounds like a goer.
What like, mad fuck mommy's boy gets giddy with a knife?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Carl Gallagher?
How you [inaudible] for this?
Why'd you do it?
Always wanted to help people.
It's my vocation.
You're what?
Like a calling.
Some jobs you just have to do.
It's a very attractive personality
trait, Carl, having a vocation.
I'm just like that.
I hope anyone be.
Really?
Runs in the family.
Brother's abroad at the moment, ready to save the children.
We're always looking for volunteers here, you know?
My mouth slips off her hardened nipple,
and I kissed and licked my way down her tight body.
Her skin tasted like sweet vanilla,
and I wanted to devour her.
As I went to my knees, my fingers slipped inside as she
whimpered with pure pleasure.
Are you getting on?
I can't do it.
Classic animation is not just for children,
and is an equally legitimate dramatic tool as well.
Discuss.
See?
I tell you what this needs, a sharp, analytical mind.
I'll do it for you, son.
He just needs a bit of encouragement
every now and then. He can be a bit stubborn.
Go on, mate, your move.
Stubborn?
My Walter?
You wouldn't know the meaning of the word, would you, love?
18 or 80, you're all the same.
Carl's' move.
Sorry.
What you apologizing to me for?
Bastard's a leopard, this old timer.
Keep telling him, if I were 10 years older,
and he were 10 younger, we'd probably be together.
We just clicked, didn't we, babes?
Bollocks.
Serious.
Fucking [inaudible].
I could just tell you a lie, or I could just be honest.
You with me?
Not really, Miss.
You should have got my story with your assignment.
That was yours?
Yeah, I wrote it.
I do it the side just short stories with a twist, really.
Not bad.
It's just a hobby.
They pay me.
Nice one.
Getting all paid for a hobby.
It's not quite as simple as that.
It's just words.
Can't be that hard.
Have a go yourself then if you're so sure.
What? Now?
I'm waiting.
All right.
How about his thrust pumped harder as his seed
boiled in his balls ready to spill
out into her velvet chasm.
Bloody hell.
That's great, Micky.
Hey, you reckon they'd pay me an all?
Maybe we should go back to mine, grab a coffee.
There's not much difference between his world and ours.
His mother with a single parent.
His father was permanently abled.
Poor little bastard fucked all stability.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Yes, love.
We've done all right by our kids, haven't we?
Of course, we have, love.
Even if I did get shot, I mean at least you'd still be here.
Not like that fuck out gallivanting, flashing his
owns.
You know, he had exactly the same shit on his plate as us.
Did that bambi.
I'm just popping out for a [inaudible]..
OK.
Hiya.
Hi, love.
Good day at school, Ches?
Depends what you class as good.
I said the wrong thing again.
Come on.
Really that long ago since you were his age?
No.
You could have made more of an effort.
At least try and bond.
Like I haven't been doing?
I'm sick of this.
All I want is a bit of harmony.
You're both male.
You must have something in common?
Jaime?
We've hardly gotten anything to say anymore.
Went to this guy, we baby oil.
He's getting right on my nerves.
Never quite got that.
Rubbing up a complete stranger.
Well, some of these women haven't had a shag in 10 years.
So?
So they pay me a fiver for a ticket to see a bit of cock.
There's no crime in wanting to break the routine.
Seven year itch already?
It just all seems a bit flat.
Karen, I found an article.
The previous landlord was shacked up here with some bird
that topped herself.
Gloria someone.
Guess why?
Why, Norma?
She never got over the death of her baby.
Everyone has bad patches.
It will pass, you know.
Keep hoping it will.
Things will just perk right back up.
You two are solid.
You'll just ride it.
Who says I want to though?
She'll calm down.
Best if I just keep out of her way for a bit, Dad.
You know what women are like.
Indeed, I do, son.
What are you doing here?
Giving the misses a wide berth.
He's having a breather.
Terrible?
Yeah, sort of.
Morning, Hitchcock.
She finally kicked you out then?
You're not getting a divorce, are you?
What the fuck?
No.
It's nothing.
It's just you know how it is when everything you do
is wrong.
Where's your spine?
You sound like a right puff.
He's right, for once.
Pussyfooting won't get you anywhere.
Take the upper hand.
Act like a man for a change.
Show them who's boss.
They love that.
You're a Maguire, balls of steel, like your father.
Cocopuffs, sweetheart?
Lose the sock, Pablo.
It's not Pablo really, is it?
No.
Alan.
And you're not from Rio de Janeiro?
Wiggin, actually.
Sorry.
See ya.
No one wants to see that.
It was your idea in the first place.
- I meant a bird. - Typical.
The women around here are going to love that.
Aren't they, girls?
We're supposed to be bringing people in,
not driving them away.
Like I don't know that, after all the work that I've done.
You're not the only one who's been grafting.
You have painted a wall, Jamie.
Nothing's enough, is it?
Thanks.
Shit's not one of my strong points.
You're supposed to be on the ward.
Poor lad just needs easing in.
I think he can look after himself.
Can you, Carl? - Yeah.
Shift it, you.
All those wasted years at charm school, huh?
Listen, lady, if those beds aren't done by 1:00,
it's me who gets it in the neck.
And I won't be taking the rap for some two bit auxiliary,
all right?
Don't talk to her like that.
Excuse me?
- Leave it, Carl. - No.
What right she got?
I must admit, Carl, I thought you were
a man of more seasoned taste.
You know what?
Fuck off.
You stick this shit job, [inaudible]..
Carl, thanks for sticking up for me.
I should have just got on with the job.
Well in there.
Have you talked to her?
So she can tell me again how shit I am?
Can't do right for doing wrong, Dad.
It's relentless.
I just want to scream at him all the time.
You are good natured, too, underneath.
That's got to count for something.
No.
Wrong time of the month, that's all it will be.
You do love him, don't you?
Not as much as I can hate him.
And I feel like I could kill him.
Might actually pick up a knife and slash his throat.
That bad?
Have you checked the tides?
You're talking shit, Dad.
All my life, leave the box seat open
at our house on a full moon, and your mother
turns into a screaming banshee.
But he's romantic [inaudible].
Novelty soon wears off.
He couldn't give a shit anymore about me or this place.
I don't get it.
It's marriage, son.
You're not supposed to.
I think I'm losing him, Kelly.
What you think?
Where'd you get this?
Perks of the job, that's all.
It's for you.
Wouldn't have been my first choice.
Anyway--
Years I made Shane wear that patch to sort out his squint.
That's all she was doing for Tom, babe.
How is it her fault he's got big fuck off ears?
Is
Malls, sweetheart.
And when she sticks up for him,
he gets even more shit, because they've
branded him mom a naughty.
How'd you ever get over that sort of thing?
Imagine it.
All rise, it's Spielberg.
All right.
B. - B?
I got a B. Did you hear that, Paddy?
[knocking]
Fuck me, you look nice.
Good job I do, because you're taking me out.
Hiya.
Hi
Least you can do, since I saved you from the clutches
of that silly boot.
This is Maxine.
Oh, hiya.
She yours?
Yeah.
Won't be a sec.
Can I have this one, ma'am?
You look amazing for a bird that's just sprogged.
Oh, thanks.
Norma, what are you doing?
Not.
Get your coat, and you've pulled.
Auntie Julie is into all this.
She sells door to door.
You should see boot of the car, boxes full of creams.
What creams?
Anti-wrinkle, anti-blackhead, anti-cellulite.
Auntie Julie's got a cream for it.
Anti-cellulite?
Amazing.
Honest.
See?
So where you off?
Just the Jockey.
Got a bit of a do on.
Dressed like that?
They've done it all up.
About bloody time.
Love a good do, me.
We'll all go, shall we?
What's that smell?
It's not me, it's Carl.
Hiya, mate.
Hiya.
This is job, new footy captain.
Hi.
I'm De.
[music playing]
They avoid me and [inaudible] a drink a beer.
A pint.
He's just doing his job.
With a lap dancer?
Dancing?
Off, off, off, off, off.
Time's up.
Yeah, is this lively?
It's lively.
We're losing customers, Karen.
Sling it.
Fuck it.
Turn it off.
See?
So it's gone a bit wrong.
It's a total disaster, Karen.
We're busy, aren't we?
You should've listened.
One piddly suggestion, Jaime.
This took a lot more than that to put this lot off.
It's not my fault nobody wants to see it.
Well, some of them do.
(SINGING) How'd you like it?
How'd you like it?
More, more, more.
No more gagging for it.
I just wanted everyone to have a good night.
Well, I'm having a good night.
Well, most were that desperate, they'd
pay to watch anything strip.
I'm sorry about that, everyone.
If you can just be patient with me,
I'll have some more entertainment
sorted in a minute.
[music playing]
That's more like it.
Moral support.
She's She's smart, that one.
Go on, you.
[inaudible] down.
Whoa, Neddie.
Dad, I'm not 10.
I'm not your little girl anymore.
Suffice the requirements, Lillian.
What good am I for her these days?
She'll come around.
I was the same at her age.
Like a little controllable tiger.
I'm no different now, if I'm honest.
Hello, boys.
Debbie?
Sorry. I've got a date.
Oh.
So have you.
So true.
My kind of bird.
Back to mine?
What for?
Coffee.
Coffee?
Ow.
Oh, sorry.
Are you all right?
Sh. sh Keep going.
She's built like a brick shithouse,
and she's grabbing hold of him like this.
And she's got these big hands, like fella's hands,
all big and veiny, and she's shouting right at me.
I'd have told her to sling it.
[inaudible].
Hi, babes.
Toast?
Jamie.
Stop following me.
We're bound to bump into each other.
Sitting in a car, watching me isn't us
bumping into each other.
But this is.
Well, just stay away.
You should be with me enjoying yourself, not bringing her up.
I'm not bringing her up.
You're old before your time, Debs.
At least when you were with me, we had fun, didn't we?
Don't kid yourself, Grandad.
[interposing voices]
Hey, break it up.
Now.
You fight the girls, huh?
He was helping me to [inaudible]..
She took it!
They've got my MP3 player.
Look at my face.
She nearly scratched my eyes out.
- What's going on, Meena? - Yeah, that's right.
Take their side. You're all the same.
It's not about sides.
You're committing a public order offense,
not to mention assault. Now, clear off, you two.
See, that's it.
Let the white girls go.
That's enough.
Schoolies too, just your type.
Why you so angry, yeah?
I've seen what it's like for you.
You don't go short, you spoiled little bastard.
It's got nothing to do with color.
We just expect this bollocks from you.
Come on.
We'll sort it down at the station, yeah?
She was desperate to get hold of it once more.
It wasn't the longest she'd seen,
but the fact that she couldn't get her hand around it
told the story.
They couldn't wait a minute longer.
She reached for his belt, as he tore off her shirt.
But she ain't wearing a bra, is she?
No.
Dirty bitch.
She looks up at his chest all glistening with sweat.
His abs and full pecs rolling up and down
with his deep manly breathing.
You're making us wait, aren't ya?
Yeah.
Criminal.
She drowned him down, faster and harder.
He bit on her erect nipple as the blood rushed
excitedly into with dick. - Cock.
Cock.
Does he fuck her then?
Yeah.
How?
Up the ass?
I meant from behind.
I absolutely love it doggy.
I think I'd prefer if these two were face to face.
Hey, doll.
Grow up.
It's just my tits.
I kept them drinking, didn't I?
It's not just that.
What is it?
Everything.
All this.
It's a constant battle.
Doesn't last long, does it?
What?
The honeymoon.
Karen?
What, Norma?
Googled the artist blog, he did 15 years for murder.
So?
He probably did away with the both of them.
If I can find out where he is, he might be able to tell us
about Gloria's baby.
Gloria's fucking baby.
Oh, calm down.
Just want closure, Karen.
Have you heard yourself?
Who the fuck is Gloria?
And I thought I told you to dump the fucking baby?
So why haven't you dumped the fucking baby?
Just want closure.
Look at her.
You two should a night out.
Not with this place, doubt it.
Well, I can cover for ya.
One night wouldn't hurt.
Told you.
I could stay over, if you like?
You could have lit one.
Would ya?
Course.
We should do something.
Put one of them in loo's if you want.
Here I come.
Payday.
Hey, top night.
Keep your eyes up, pal.
Jaime.
Oh, here he comes.
PC Patronizing.
Listen, kids.
It's his fault we're here in the first place.
That's not fair.
Where did you get the MP3 player?
Lost property box?
You're all snides.
Give it a rest for a minute, Chesney.
I've had a word with the sarge.
So?
I'm taking you home.
So you can grass to Mom.
- Why would I do that? - Because you're a copper.
And make things even tougher for myself?
This is brilliant.
Cheers, mate.
Good enough to submit now?
Definitely.
Where to?
Online.
There's a few different sites depending
on what you're good at.
What like?
Couples, swingers, animals, gay.
Wanna stick around for a beer?
I am genuinely sorry you think I've been ignoring you.
But don't think of me badly, please?
We need each other.
Because things are going to be better
from now on for both of us.
I mean, we can join forces, kid.
You and me versus the world.
Hey, our special pact.
Debbie?
Yeah?
What you think you're playing at?
What?
Arranging to go out with my bird.
It's just a drink.
I was going to take her out tonight.
Oh, you're not jealous are ya?
I'm a fuck.
Promise me you'll always be there for me.
One thing get asked on, Paddy, has made me look at life
from an animal's perspective.
Fuck "Badger Watch."
That's just boring.
Just a splash of color and a squeaky voice, and that's it.
You're there.
I could go on forever about this, Patrick.
For infinity.
You see, now I know how it must have felt for Buzz Lightyear.
- Mimi, would you do me a favor? - Yeah.
And shut the fuck up?
He like us.
He's bright. [toilet flushing]
He's cute.
Your very own prodigy.
Imagine.
You reckon he's game?
I know he is.
Micky, [inaudible],, ever heard of a fuck buddy?
Is anyone home?
What's going on in there then?
It's just a stew.
Day at school, Ches?
Yes, great.
Well, then.
I didn't think you had it in ya.
Piece of piss.
[music playing]
1, 2, 3, go.
Patrolling grease monkey at 3 o'clock.
Oh, he's old enough to be my dad.
He just took his wedding ring off.
Oh, the slime ball.
No harm in getting a drink out of it.
Read him the riot act, didn't I?
He'll forgive a flashy tit if it means we're back on track.
And are you?
What?
Back on track.
Sort of.
Do you always do that?
What?
Pout.
No.
Do you know what?
What?
I think you're a dead fig.
Fuck off.
She's been following me around.
Yeah, that's not good.
Nightmare.
She's around every corner.
Soon I was clinging with my first big split.
Something a bit pathetic about all that though.
Don't you think?
I thought you were really good today.
[inaudible]!
Go, go, go, go.
Give me my fucking wallet.
Shit.
Freak.
All right, it should have been a woman.
Can someone tape this?
Yeah, say it again.
It doesn't matter now.
It's history.
Yeah, and it were a top night in the end.
Does that mean I get an apology?
Oh, this I will have to film.
I am the first to apologize when I've done something wrong.
Did you get that?
Leave it, Shane.
Leave it, Jamie, don't you mean?
Mandy?
Listen, I'm gonna take her home.
Oh.
No, just take her home.
I'm off to bed.
What?
So early?
I'm knackered.
You coming?
In a bit.
Tequila?
Yes.
Sh.
In here.
Norma?
Poor little mite will be in limbo forever
if I don't do something.
What?
Dead.
All alone.
My, God stop being so fucking morbid.
What's the matter?
Little baby.
Someone's baby.
It's not a baby.
It's a fucking cat.
No.
Still Norma, look, rib cages flat on both sides,
and limbs that run proportion.
And it's a fucking moggy, is that.
He's amazing, isn't he?
Shane!
Sorry, I can't.
Yeah, you can.
I'm married.
Yeah, to a moron.
What?
Sorry, but--
Get the fuck outta me pub.
What?
Now.
I don't think I'll be coming to class anymore.
On, no, why not?
It's not really my thing.
I think you found your thing tonight though.
Didn't you?
We're all good at something.
Just takes some of us a little longer to suss out what it is.
Exactly.
You could give my place to someone what really needs it.
Yeah, I could really.
Beer?
Yeah, go on then.
One for the road.
Twisted my arm.
Sorry for being a cow.
I'm sorry too.
- Nothing happened. - Good job.
I'm a gent, you know?
But you're right, Shane, if we had, I couldn't even remember.
[inaudible]?
[music playing]
What?
Good night?
Yeah.
What you playing at, Carl?
Did you cut up?
Listen, Carl, we're mates, aren't we?
Mates?
With a bird?
What about--
So we shagged.
You were great, but you're not my fella.
So don't go on moody bollocks just 'cause I went out,
got off me tits, and had a laugh without you, because you can't.
We might as well be mates though if we like each other,
don't you think?
I suppose so.
Might be the odd night, if you're lonely and I'm lonely.
You made me squeal.
Be a fool not to.
When you put it like that.
Right.
Any chance of a shag then?
Maybe after all I am into all the bullshit.
Just another way of looking at things.
Things happen for a reason.
The best things come to those who wait.
Sounds so fake though, don't it?
Check out the girth on that, she said,
as he put the big black stallion back in its stable.
She tossed back her glorious mane of hair
and opened her top two buttons.
And hot [inaudible],, she said, as he caught a glimpse
of top of her huge tits.
I'll tell me what my philosophy is, you're born, then you die.
In between, you might as well do whatever it takes to get
as much of a buzz as you can.
Dead simple.
Fuck.
[theme music]
That's fucking brilliant.
Get on, Micky.
Your turn.
Yeah.