[intro music playing]
[sirens wailing]
[theme music playing]
Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
All their lives pikeys making a mess of the lives
they were given by Him, upstairs.
And kids that are convinced aren't actually theirs.
What sounds on Earth could ever replace kids needing
money or wives in your face?
'cos this, people reckon, and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly
invented, to calm us all down and stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes,
you shit on our airport, you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth
Buccaneers who';d come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
Hey-hey-hey-hey!
Let's go party!
[clock ticking]
[newspaper rustling]
[squeaking]
Sorry.
This is fucking ridiculous.
[slurping noise]
It's Friday night.
Oh, fuck this.
[music playing loudly]
All right!
Fuck the law!
Smoke inside.
[cheering]
Why? Why?
Why would you go and lie to me? - Listen.
Listen.
No, I'm not listening!
STELLA (VOICEOVER): Look at them.
Who are these people?
Never happier than when they can mix and match
substances in the company of like-minded dwellers
of the underbelly.
How they survived the evolution of the species--
breeding like rabbits-- kids having kids--
scavengers on the edge of society.
Maybe the tabloids are right.
Point, then laugh.
Ridicule them.
Lock 'em up and throw away the key.
Why would anyone choose to live here and be amongst them?
I'm not sure I would.
I'm not sure I'm gonna.
And they are my family.
They are my people.
My name is Stella Gallagher.
Don't worry.
It'll dawn on them eventually.
What have we forgot?
Here we go-- three, two, one.
Bingo.
Fuck.
Stella.
Oi!
This is your last fucking warning.
Get it sorted by tomorrow or you're a dead man.
Cannon and Ball aren't dead.
Don't-- hey!
Jamie!
Oi, asshole!
What was all that about? - I don't know.
I've never seen him before.
[tires screeching]
Honest, I haven't.
Some fucking dickhead handing out death
threats to the wrong people.
Ooh.
Hello.
The Ugly Police been using batons?
Fuck off!
Norma's doing the cake.
[chuckles]
Learnt to bake in jail.
Says it kept her in tobacco the whole stretch.
[chuckles] Yvonne's doing the curry.
Lillian's girls are making sandwiches,
and Karen's throwing in sausage rolls and chicken wings.
You should stick on a cover charge.
You might make a profit.
So what time do you think I should arrive?
I want you there at the start.
Then people will know we're together.
I'll be 16.
And we'll be legal.
Yeah, but they'll think it started before.
So what?
You can't control what other people think, so why bother?
I'm not bothered.
Church is strong.
Big numbers.
Many people from east of Europe come.
EU-- great for Catholics.
Yeah, 'cos that's what the country needs--
more religious fundamentalists.
Exactly.
Not weak, like Church of England with lady priests and embracing
of the homosexualists.
Baptism very serious business.
We do understand.
We take religion very seriously, don't we Frank?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Fish on Friday.
Drink the blood of virgins.
Self-flagellate on a regular basis.
I could be godfather.
Ahem.
What is this?
Baptismal vows I wrote meself.
We were hoping, you know, to personalize
the service a little bit.
What are you?
Hippie or something?
No, we're not into peace or anything like that.
Do you promise to renounce Satan and all
his works and all his pomp?
And blah, blah, blah.
Do you promise to shower this child with a rainbow of love
and sprinkle on her head the stardust of each wondrous day?
We do. [baby crying]
Oh, very much so.
We do.
Excuse me, Father.
She's not feeding very well at the minute.
No, no, please.
Allow me to reluctantly drag myself away.
Carry on, Father.
It gets better.
Come on and settle down.
You see what you're responsible for?
Pope Fucking Pious Head-up-His-Ass in there.
And you won't thank us for it will ya,
when you're going to be drinking cider on street
corners like all the rest.
STELLA: Would you blame me?
Hello?
STELLA: All this crap about showering me with love.
Just words to you, innit?
Oh yeah.
Very funny.
Rip the piss out of the sleep-deprived new father.
STELLA: The only sleep deprivation
you've ever suffered has been caused by popping too many
E's in a night in The Jockey.
Babies enter life pure, but they lose
their innocence when they're exposed to people like you.
What's the matter?
Cat got your tongue?
Bit early to be mashed, innit dad?
No.
Yeah.
A couple a day.
STELLA: You ought to be sterilized, the lot of ya.
Being a parent should be a privilege, not a right.
Of course, it should.
I'll-- I'll just leave this with ya.
STELLA: [cooing]
FATHER: Strike lightning for such blaspheming.
MONICA: But Father--
FATHER: No buts.
My decision is made.
Absolutely not.
No personal vows. Tradition only.
But Father--
And think very carefully.
Not every Tom, Dick and Jerry can be godfather.
I could be godfather.
It's like communism never fucking happened.
Frank?
Yeah. What?
Yeah.
What?
Our baby growing inside your belly.
We'll even have a picture after today, won't we?
It's only a scan, Shane.
Like an X-ray of a peanut.
Tell you what is miraculous, though--
I've got piles already.
God knows what they'll be like I'm the size of a gable end.
I'm sure your tits are getting bigger.
Easy, tiger.
It turns out he's in love.
I should be charging you ground rent.
I'm security.
With a face like that it should be insecurity.
Best make myself scarce, then.
Come on, Shane.
We talked about this.
They pay extra 'cos I'm up the duff.
We'll need the cash.
You and this baby mean everything to me--
to all of us.
I know.
I'll see ya later for the scan.
OK.
STELLA: There's been a mistake.
I shouldn't be with you and her.
Look at the pair of ya.
This estate-- what chance have I got?
The same as anybody else.
STELLA: Exactly.
None.
Oh, no.
Please don't say that.
What?
You can hear her as well?
Of course, I can.
I'm her mother.
[exhales] Well, thank you very much for fucking sharing!
I thought I was going off my dinger.
Well, what was I supposed to say?
Oh, hello.
Sorry Frank, but I'm communing with the spirit
of Casper the Grumpy Baby.
I'm a listener.
Only when you're not talking.
You're talking all the fucking--
STELLA: Oi!
Role models-- stop arguing for two minutes.
The deal's off.
I'm not feeding.
I'm not sleeping.
I'm just going to--
go.
Oi!
Nip it, you.
You're upsetting your mother.
She carried you around for nine months, didn't she?
STELLA: All right.
Fair point.
She did manage to stay off the pills and the booze--
mostly.
Tell you what-- you find me five good men on the Chatsworth.
Show that there's something decent about the place.
I'll stick around.
Give it a go?
Just-- well how do we prove that?
You want a signed confirmation or what?
Hello?
I'm trying to establish the rules of the game here.
She's been doing this for days--
talking, then going quiet.
All right.
So, five good men--
or women, I presume--
on the Chatsworth.
No sweat.
Salt of the Earth down here.
It's hardly a curry, Debbie, without garam marsala.
Just a bit of cardamom and chile.
I know, but our toilet was like Piccadilly on a Saturday
for two days after.
All right.
I'll keep it mild.
Something else?
No.
Everything all right, Tom?
Yeah.
Just a new community initiative.
No trouble in the precinct?
No, it's been dead.
Stan didn't say about a new initiative.
No, it's a secret.
No one knows.
You're Debbie Gallagher, aren't you?
That's right.
Did-- didn't I hear that you've got
a birthday coming up?
My 16th.
What are you doing?
I know that you go out with each other.
Stan told me.
TOM: What?
He's my partner, Tom.
We tell each other everything.
This is so embarrassing.
Debbie, wait!
That was so humiliating!
I know-- I thought we could trust Stan.
That's not the point.
It's bizarre pretending we don't know each other.
If Yvonne knows, everyone probably does.
Trust me, it'll be worth it.
They'll be off our backs.
No one is on our backs, Tom.
Love's young dream?
Don't let me interrupt ya.
[motorcycle accelerating]
Are you determined to become a human punchbag or what?
Sorry, I weren't paying attention.
You don't look right good, mate.
Just-- a little freaked out from last night.
You want me to see what I can find out?
No. Leave it.
It's not worth it.
You don't have to pay me or anything like that, mate.
I could do with practice.
Nah.
Cheers, though.
What's the wood for?
The secret project--
for Kelly.
[gasps]
[tires screeching]
- Ian! - It's not him!
What?
It's the wrong fucking geeza.
How is that red hair?
[somber music playing]
[car accelerating away]
I came as soon as I heard.
I left my mobile off all day.
Oh my god, he's in a coma.
No, he's not.
They've just put him to sleep to help
his body get over the shock.
They say he had a miraculous escape.
No broken bones, no internal bleeding--
just some stitches in the head.
Was it the same guy who knotted him outside The Jockey?
Don't worry, mate.
I got the plate.
We don't want any trouble. No, of course not.
I'll just have a little chat with him about the highway
code, that's all.
[gasps]
Ian, love-- how do you feel?
Ian-- son.
It's me, your-- adoptive father.
Can you talk?
Liam, get a doctor.
Ian-- say something.
Yeah, you're freaking us out.
Who the fuck's Ian?
[newscast playing on radio]
I should be so lucky--
lucky, lucky, lucky.
I should be so lucky--
After 10 o'clock, put 5p on a packet of ten.
At 10 PM, a packet of 20.
Hope you're hungry.
Nothing like a tea-time fry-up.
Something wrong?
It's just we're fasting, Stan.
It's not Ramadan.
It's Sawm.
We do it every year for a week.
It don't matter.
We're not looking to impose.
No, no-- I'll do it as well.
We're a family unit, aren't we?
Got to support each other and all that.
Fuck's sake, Shane.
20 a day-- trying to keep the baby small
because I'm too posh to push.
What team do you support?
I don't know.
City.
United.
Maybe somewhat more cultural.
What's your favorite uniform--
firefighter or Household Cavalry?
Yeah-- something a bit closer to home.
Do you remember your middle name, son?
That's a trick question.
He hasn't got one.
We didn't give him a middle name?
Fuck-- how poor were we?
Why aren't you dressed?
There's nothing physically wrong with you, bar a few stitches.
I've had worse playground accidents.
But he hasn't got a memory.
I don't remember last Saturday night,
but you don't see me hogging a well-needed bed, hmm?
Well, come on-- chop, chop.
If you want "R and R," check into the private.
Oh, yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't ya?
Clear the wards, replace them with high-price rehabilitation
for the working classes which--
of-- yeah-- whatever.
Give him his clothes. - He hasn't got any.
They cut them off him.
Well, didn't you bring any spare?
Did you?
You know what the weirdest thing is?
I don't know any of ya.
I don't know who my mates are.
I couldn't even say if I had a girlfriend or not.
We'll have to tell him.
No, we don't.
This could be a second chance.
Second chance?
For what?
Not to be a puff.
He may not remember he fancies blokes.
It's not a choice.
It's part of who you are.
Like the color of your eyes or your--
favorite curry or something.
Mum, when you know when you was a dyke?
Did you choose it--
or was it in your genes?
Ah.
Discussing the girlfriend problem, are we?
Well, I have no idea how you tell someone they're
too plunked to ever had a bird.
But I suggest we keep it between ourselves, shall we?
Oh!
Look at you!
- Looks like an old man. - Yeah.
Who give you that shirt?
Just look at him!
Oxfam!
I don't give a toss.
Get here in 20 minutes.
Terrible thing, amnesia.
Imagine not being able to remember your loved ones,
or what kind of pies you like.
He might be fine.
Totally back to normal.
Not with brain injuries--
can completely change your character.
Kel, I'm so sorry.
I've been looking for you everywhere.
I went to the hospital with Ian Gallagher.
We heard.
How is he?
They don't know that it's Christmas or Crackerjack.
Crackerjack!
Well?
What?
The scan.
I want to see a picture of Baby.
They didn't do it.
Needs two of you there.
I'm tired.
And what's with sawdust?
Terrible thing, amnesia.
Imagine not being able to remember your loved ones,
or what kind of pies you like.
Ah, easy!
Stitches!
Sorry.
I'm Mandy, your brother's ex-partner.
The mother of your niece.
And mate.
I'm gonna have to start writing this down.
This is the kitchen.
This is the kettle.
I know what stuff is.
Listen-- I'm shattered, and I wouldn't mind a kip.
Oh.
Of course, love.
Well, show him his room, then.
Yeah, and get him some clothes.
It's his memories lost, not his fashion sense.
I've got some magazines to show you.
Yeah, not the ones with the animals--
don't want to confuse him.
Did the baby feed?
Not a drop.
Been upstairs a couple of hours.
I've checked on her, but she's just lying there awake.
How about her?
Yeah, she's all right.
How about her?
Look, just give us a rest, will you?
Franny Gower?
Boiled his neighbor's parrot on the stove--
said it were abusive.
Xavier O'Neal?
Cut his mother up in the bath.
What about old Aggie Palmer?
Nobody's ever had a bad word to say about her.
They kicked her out the sheltered housing--
turned out she never needed that wheelchair.
Fuck!
There must be somebody.
I mean-- "good" is a relative concept.
So if we could get her to be specific--
only with a number.
STELLA: Fine, one good person--
not five.
One, that's all you need to find.
And you'd be up shit creek without--
Hey. Language.
No swearing before you're six months.
You know, she's right.
What does "good" mean?
One person's good man is another person's asshole.
Look at Terry Waite-- moaning bastard.
STELLA: Tick tock. Tick--
It's not a game. STELLA: --tock.
Tick. Tock.
Tick.
Hey.
Alexander the Great ruled half of Asia
by the time he was your age.
Stop wasting your mystical fucking talking
baby powers tormenting us--
What you doing?
New parenting technique.
All the rage.
Compare your baby to great figures from history.
It helps them be high achievers.
We're off out.
How are you feeling?
Fine.
Norma.
Live in the Dormobile out back.
Why?
Oh, this should be good.
[music playing]
Oh.
Hey, Mon.
[sighs]
[music playing]
[snorting sound]
[muffled speaking]
Let me out! Let me out!
It wasn't me.
No, you've got the wrong man.
Honestly.
It wasn't me.
[trunk slamming shut]
How'd you get on?
- Fuck-all. - What?
You?
[groans]
I know!
Old Harry.
He ran the scouts and the boys club.
Harry? Lollipop man!
Yeah!
O B E!
Would you like a sweet?
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Thanks a fucking bunch, Harry.
You were me safe bet.
[groans]
[laughing]
Hi, Carl.
You all right?
You're popular.
That's Patsy Bell.
Gave four of us a seeing-to last summer behind the reccer.
Not as popular as you.
You're a right shagger.
Look, the girls around here are totally into ya.
I'm surprised you're not a dad ten times over.
Bollocks.
Lick it, you buy it.
All right?
Like her-- she was mad into you for ages.
Husband left because of it.
Did we?
Yeah.
All the time.
Hiya, love.
How's your head?
Good.
Getting back to myself.
Just gonna go for a walk.
Maybe once I'm back on my feet, we
can spend some time together.
Whatever it is you've been saying to him, pack it in!
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Not cruising for company are ya?
Not got an itch to scratch?
No.
You're a homo!
What?
A homosexual.
A man who fancies other men.
Yeah, I know what a homosexual is.
Well, that's you.
[laughs] You're full of shit.
It's true!
You were one even before I was--
before I admitted it.
So how come I shagged all those women?
What women?
Well, the one at the shop-- she were one of them.
I saw her a minute ago.
She was totally into me.
Who, Yvonne?
Yeah.
You never shagged her.
You shagged her husband.
You're sick.
You did!
And you loved him.
And his name was Kash.
[soft music playing]
Oh!
[laughs]
Have you got a pink car?
You're remembering.
What are you doing?
Taking in the air.
It all come flooding back?
Not really.
A bit.
It's bizarre, I keep getting this feeling--
I don't know if I'm happy, or if I'm not.
Nobody's happy.
It's only in retrospect, looking back,
you think "Fuck, that was a good time."
So how do I know if I'm doing the right thing with my life?
Do I look like Oprah?
Who?
Just follow your gut.
See what it takes ya.
Is that what you did?
I have the face I deserve, son.
Make your own judgment.
What does that mean?
Fucked if I know.
You've got to show support.
I mean Yvonne's great.
Never been any pressure for be to convert or anything.
It's the least I can do.
And besides, it's got to stand me in good stead, hasn't it?
Brownie points in the personal stakes.
What, sex?
No.
No monkey business during fasting, Stanley.
Didn't she tell ya?
It's about self-control, patience, atonement
for his faults and misdeeds.
Cleansing your inner soul.
I gave up chocolate for Lent 16 years running--
but no sex?
The whole point of being in a relationship is that--
It'll be worth it, Stan.
You'll feel better about yourself,
and you'll have earned it when it comes.
What?
The-- the food or the other?
Both.
At the same time?
What's the big mystery?
Did somebody die?
Just, uh, sit down.
This is Callie Quigley.
She's an aislingeach.
I'm sorry-- I'm none the wiser.
A dreamer.
An Irish visionary.
She sees things other people can't.
Still don't get it.
She can tell us all about the baby.
If he's healthy and happy and what sex he might be.
And all she'll have to do is put her hands on your belly.
She will fucking not!
Wait, Kel-- this is important.
My mother was an aislingeach, and her grandmother
before that.
Callie has dreamt of every child born into this family.
Her hands know my womb better than I know it meself.
Please?
Fine.
Grope away.
Relax.
You'll probably feel a wee tingling go through you,
but it's nothing to be alarmed about.
It's very early in the pregnancy.
If I could just--
Oh.
I see a boy.
A big, healthy, hairy boy.
I knew it!
The seed of my son is strong.
Oh!
Oh.
[laughing]
I am so tired.
Me eyeballs feel like they've been dipped in vinegar.
You think we're sick?
That's not easy to say.
Some people think you're born with it.
Others think that it's nurture over nature.
With you, being a dyke was more a lifestyle choice, wasn't it?
I'm not talking about Norma and me.
I'm talking about us.
Our daughter is talking to us through some sort
of baby telepathy.
I think it means we are good parents
I feel that I have a particularly
strong bond with her.
So-- what's her middle name?
It's something weird, isn't it?
Brian?
Mum, she's freaking out.
She keeps staring all the time.
Ianna.
Her middle name's Ianna.
Think I prefer Brian.
Jamie!
Get yourself into that dusky cellar
and remove a crate of your finest champagne
and bring it here.
And none of your sparkling wine shite.
What's the occasion?
It's a boy.
A healthy, bouncing baby boy.
Oh, you're looking well on it, Kelly.
How far gone are ya?
13 weeks.
Callie Quigley went over and everything
is exactly as it should be.
Well, congratulations again--
Debbie.
I-- I better be going.
Nonsense.
You're going nowhere.
Get yourself and this lovely girlfriend
of yours a drink on me.
In fact, drinks all round.
She's not my girlfriend.
Of course she is.
You've been seeing each other for--
For months.
What are you doing?
Oh, my god.
[laughs]
Does everybody know?
It seems like it.
This is a disaster.
You're only concerned with what other people think.
We've only been going out a couple of months.
You should be young and carefree and fun.
It is fun.
When was the last time you surprised me?
Did something wild?
I do wild things.
No, you don't.
I mean, you act like you're--
old.
[police radio chattering]
I have to go.
To go.
Thanks, doctor.
Well, that was about as useful as an echo in a coffin.
He says there's nothing physically wrong with her.
Yeah, well.
We could always take her to casualty.
What, on a weekend in the Chatsworth?
She's really still.
Her eyes don't even follow you when you move.
STELLA: You couldn't find one, could ya?
Not one good person on this whole estate.
We're still trying.
STELLA: Don't waste your time.
I'll be gone, and we can all move on.
Why don't you have a little milk and then a nap
and we can carry on looking tomorrow.
Why you saying stuff to her?
We're communicating, son.
Just just listen.
STELLA: It's nothing personal, you know.
I don't hate you.
It's just-- I'd hoped for more.
Will you try, baby?
Talk to us, sweetheart.
Whatever it is, I promise too.
Anything?
I'm sorry if I hurt ya.
It were a long time ago.
And you were-- you are--
a good lad.
Weren't down to you.
Doesn't exactly look like the venue
for the high point in anybody's life though, does it?
Would it?
I can remember it.
Ian!
Stop reminiscing and come with me.
Shane got the license plate.
Couple of phone calls--
present from the family.
What am I supposed to do with them?
Anything you like.
They tried to kill ya.
Which one first?
Left or right?
IAN: What?
You know-- eeny, meeny, miney, mo.
No.
Look, I can do 'em if it bothers ya.
I mean, me dad and Shane normally do this sort of stuff,
but how hard can it be?
No, I mean--
I might not know who I am, but--
I know I'd rather fuck them than chop them up.
What?
Is this what my life's been like?
Sneaking around, scared to tell anyone
I'm gay, but happy to get involved in murder?
No.
Not the murder bit.
We mainly keep that in the family.
I don't want this, Mickey.
Why would I want to remember this?
But they're hoodlums.
Not them-- everything.
All of it-- my whole fucking so-called life.
Ian.
Hello?
Please, baby-- please.
Your mother's in there, throwing up rings around herself
with worry.
We'll try.
We will try.
I mean, we've been trying.
Please. Please.
STELLA: [crying]
[MUSIC - "DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEART"]
Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention.
Sorry for interrupting your drinking,
but I'd like you to join me in extending your best
wishes to the birthday girl--
and my girlfriend--
Debbie Gallagher.
[applause]
Time to open the gifts, I think.
Me first.
For fuck's sake, hurry up!
Go on.
It's a key-- to our flat.
I put down the deposit this evening.
Who says I can't be wild, eh?
Say something.
I don't want to live with you, Tom.
[crowd murmuring]
Debbie-- wait!
What do you mean you don't want to live with me?
What made you think I would?
You love me, don't you?
Of course I do.
I'm not ready to make a commitment like that.
How am I supposed to know what you want, Debbie?
You know, do something wild.
Surprise me, you said.
Yeah, but not like this.
Then like what, Debbie?
It's like dealing with a child sometimes.
I-- I don't mean that.
Well, I do.
A bit.
Hey, you want to be wild and carefree and
passionate and unpredictable?
Fine.
But I've got a job and concerns and responsibilities.
Now you can laugh at me for trying to get us off
on a respectable footing with the people who live around
here, but one of us has to.
I'm 16.
I don't care about being respectable.
Well, I do.
I've never had it.
I never grew up with a family.
You want to wing it and be a teenager?
I don't.
I've been there and truth be told,
I didn't really enjoy it the first time around.
So, what do we do?
I don't think I even have to say it.
No.
Don't follow me.
Come in here.
Since when did you turn into an international man
of mystery?
I don't know if I can take any more surprises, Shane.
Come on.
Jamie!
This is why all the sawdust.
inside of me mouth's been like a butcher's floor
for the past few days.
Ta-da!
I wanted to build him one meself,
before anybody bought him one.
It needs--
I'm not pregnant, Shane.
It's-- pseudocyesis--
a phantom pregnancy.
Like hysterics get.
What about the dream?
She must have been dreaming about somebody else.
I have the scan, Shane.
Here's the baby.
It's non-existent Shane.
It's an empty fucking space.
Seems-- I'm having some kind of breakdown.
I either want a baby too much, or I don't want one at all,
they can't tell me.
All they do know is--
my fucking stupid body made it up.
So, I'm sorry, but I can't give you a son
or a daughter or anything.
No.
Don't touch me.
Mom.
[crying]
How you doing?
You shouldn't be going steady at your age, any road.
At least not someone who is old enough to be you grandfather.
I just feel stupid getting so teary over a boy.
You're the one with real problems.
Cheers.
No, you know what I mean.
I'm remembering stuff.
Well, some stuff.
And?
I can't believe that's all there is--
that I've settled for what I've got.
You haven't settled.
Everyone thinks the sun shines out your ass.
Not about what other people think though, is it?
Carl's right.
No, he's not.
About the gay thing.
About it being a second chance.
I've got to make changes, Debs.
[soft music playing]
Get shot off the carrots, Ches.
After sundown, all bets are off.
What have you got?
What have I not got?
Most have nearly every dish from Ashoka's menu here.
Have you really had nothing to eat or drink,
sunrise to sunset?
Two days now.
I'm really starting to feel the benefit.
Didn't think you were up to it.
Well--
I mean I can understand supporting us during Ramadan,
but Sawm's voluntary.
That's going the extra mile.
Voluntary?
Sawm's voluntary, not compulsory.
Voluntary.
Yeah, I know.
Chicken jalfrezi and a lamb bhuna--
get upstairs. - But--
Now!
Mom!
Debbie!
Please.
We have to talk.
Debbie!
Oi!
I've got a baby sleeping in there, or not sleeping.
She's still in there.
I want to talk to her.
Yeah, well, that's a woman's prerogative, son.
Lesson number one--
I said I want to talk to her.
[crying] Ah!
What did you do that for?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa. 'Cos-- 'cos you picked the wrong night.
There's been enough crying around here.
I'm not having it.
I've got a gun.
Yeah, and right now I don't give a monkey's fart if you use it.
I've got a wife and a daughter in there, both of whom
are going to need scraping off the floor later.
So, go on.
Do your worst.
Fine.
I'll use it on myself.
[door opening]
Whoa.
Dad?
Go inside, Carl.
(MUFFLED) You don't understand.
I can't make out-- you've got the--
You don't understand!
I love her!
Hey, I've got nine kids by two different women, both of whom
are beautifully demented in their own unique manner.
You think I haven't shed tears?
We could have made it if it wasn't for everybody else.
There's always someone to blame.
I tell you something I do know, though--
when it goes bad, no matter how hard you try,
you'll never get it back again.
Never!
So just gather yourself up, and move on.
I'd rather die.
Hey!
Then think on this, Constable.
That is my daughter in there, and if you ruin her life
by blowing your charming, but deeply flawed,
Celtic brains all over my back yard,
I will piss on your grave each and every fucking day.
That, I promise ya.
Don't be a daftie.
Give me that.
Is everything all right?
Yeah, yeah.
Think there's a lad could do with an escort home, Stan.
Of course.
I'll just get dressed.
Come in, Tom.
[slow music playing]
STELLA: [cooing]
Oh!
How?
I don't know.
She wouldn't stop crying, and I didn't know what else to do,
and she hasn't come up for air.
Oh.
[laughs] So, what's the story, morning glory?
STELLA: I'm proud of ya, Dad.
I baptize you Stella Ianna Princess Gallagher.
In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
Amen.
Thought you might want one of these.
Only if you two will be godparents.
Can I be the bloke?
I don't mind.
Do you promise to shower this child with a rainbow of love
and sprinkle on her head the stardust of each wondrous day?
BOTH: We do.
[gentle music playing]
What are you doing?
I'm going away for a bit.
Well, you haven't had your stitches out.
They're dissolving ones. It'll be fine.
Where are you going?
I don't know yet.
I've got some money in the bank, or--
so the statement says.
I'll see what I end up.
Do you hate us?
God, no.
I love ya.
It's just-- remembering stuff you've
forgotten about yourself-- it's exciting,
but it's disappointing too.
And I don't want disappointments.
Will you write to us?
I'll phone ya.
It's not the 18th fucking century.
Shouldn't you tell the rest of them?
You tell them for me.
They've had a rough few days.
But you'll come back?
Of course I will.
You fucking better.
Oi!
Just because you're 16 don't mean you can swear.
STELLA: So maybe the tabloids are wrong, and we--
yes, we-- are not all so bad.
So what if we wear our hearts and our appetites
on our sleeves?
Who's to judge you?
Life shouldn't be bland.
You get one shot.
Life should be devoured like the feast that is.
Keith Richard's on a bender, and that's why I'm sticking around.
[theme music playing]
Didn't see that coming, did ya?
Jesus, lads.
You can't leave me here!
Lads!
Oh my god!
You can't just leave me here!