Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Oi!
FRANK: (VOICEOVER) Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives they were given by 'im upstairs,
and kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
Wicked!
Piss off.
What sounds on Earth could ever replace kids needing
money, or wives in your face?
'Cos this, people reckon--
me included-- is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented.
To calm us all down, and stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estates' basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.
You sit on our head, but you pay the taxes.
[screaming]
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers,
who'd come on your face for the price of a beer, eh?
[yelling]
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
[laughing]
Scatter!
Party!
DEBBIE: (VOICEOVER) I have a dream, free scran.
I have a dream that families won't have to scrimp or scrape
to put food on the table.
I have a dream that chickens will roam the estate
and provide for it, that we'll take back
our land so we can grow spuds.
I have a dream to feed Chatsworth egg and chips.
I do have another dream, but that'd be telling.
Make that the last batch, we've got to get
out there and push our boy.
Use
Excuse me, volume control.
Some of us are to rest.
DEBBIE: Go knock on for Chesney, tell him
he needs to practice his speech.
What's going on?
Leave that for the voters.
Oh, beg your pardon.
Chatsworth's getting a mayor.
A young mayor, elected for the kids, by the kids.
[knocking]
Yeah?
Is Chesney in?
Debbie wants to know if you're coming canvassing.
Later, I've got stuff to do first.
Oi, you'll go blind.
So Debs, why aren't you running?
Sarah Barry.
[music playing]
I can't compete with them.
But Chesney can.
So what's Chesney got going for him?
Long and wide.
Chesney is a perfect candidate.
He's smart, cute, clean-cut, and he's got
something to say for himself.
Asian, male.
[laughing]
Right.
But I thought candidates had to be charismatic.
Chesney can do charisma.
Come to the hustings, yeah?
He's going to knock everyone off the podium.
[music playing]
Oh yeah, big time.
[laughing]
Count.
One, two, three.
There you go, pal.
Go straight home, yeah?
Oh, look at you.
Look at Chesney.
How did you get him to smile?
Photoshop.
Is he around, Yvonne?
He's at school, isn't he?
We're not in school, because of the election.
Bollocks, Meena!
It's 429, and it's Karib, Yvonne Karib.
I'll be back in 10.
Hold the fort.
But I need to find Chesney!
Hustings start in hour!
Yeah, yeah.
Where are you going, love?
Kiss my arse.
What's with the outfit, Chesney?
Just trying to hide a few pounds.
Of what, explosives?
We're not all terrorists, Debbie.
It's research.
A politician needs to know his people, right?
Well, you get an insight after a day of wearing the veil.
Have you learned your speech? You're on in 10.
Sort of. I thought we'd wing it.
Chesney we cannot wing it.
It's too important.
Why do you want this so much anyway?
It costs 62 quid a week to feed our lot.
If we grew our own spuds, we could cut that in half.
And I don't trust anyone else to do anything
good with that 10 grand.
Relax I've got a plan.
It's going to be wicked, trust me.
This is big league, man.
Big league.
Moving up from here.
[cheering]
Norfolk in Chance, 14 points.
[cheering]
Bunty's Army, 13 points.
[cheering]
Real Ale Madrid.
[cheering]
12 points.
[cheering]
Quiz Team Aguilera.
[cheering]
10 points.
[booing]
And last and least, taking part today and keeping the peace,
it's the Three Musketeers.
CROWD: (CHANTING) You're so shit, it's unbelievable!
Ah!
CROWD: (CHANTING) You're so shit, it's unbelievable.
Carrie, relax.
Think how you're going to spend all this overtime.
The picture round.
CROWD: Ooh.
Excellent, who's got the sheet?
FRANK: (ON RADIO) Hello, hello?
Hello?
All units, from base.
Naked man seen hanging around Immaculate Heart Cemetery.
Like they've not heard that one.
On our way.
[music playing]
[sirens]
Naked male hanging around the cemetery, Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
I knew putting that radio in the john--
Watch out!
Oh!
Oh God! Oh Jesus!
Ambulance, call it in.
Stan, Stan! We hit somebody.
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Everything's going to be all right.
Hello, can you hear me?
Oh shit, this is bad.
Zero base.
Ambulance, please-- Meacham Road?
Yeah.
Ambulance, Meacham Road, over.
It won't be long.
She's breathing.
Listen, there's an ambulance coming for you.
God, Stan.
She's alive, she's conscious.
Carrie's talking to her, OK?
[sirens]
I believe the children are our future.
And when I'm your mayor, I'm going to make big changes.
[applause]
[speaking in foreign language]
Yayy!
MAN: Fuck off, you Nazi!
[applause]
Chatsworth is one of the poorest, jam-packed
estates in Manchester.
Yayy!
Most of us get by on shit school
dinners and cheap processed food, 'cause that's all
we can afford.
Well, I'm going to change that.
-
DEBBIE: (ON EARPIECE) I am going to reclaim land for us.
Own corner of Chatsworth, where we
can grow spuds and rear hens.
Everybody backyard's going to get it's
own patch of soil, and a hen.
You what?
We can't promise that.
CHESNEY: Step into your microfarm.
The land will provide.
[cheering]
Egg and chips!
You can have egg and chips, whenever you want!
Vote with your bellies, yeah?
Vote Chesney!
[cheering]
Stuff egg and chips, yeah?
Feast your eyes on these policies.
[cheering]
[sirens]
I didn't signal, check the mirrors.
Too much chat!
I was only in first.
Hit the brakes, swerve, anything.
Stan, she came out of nowhere.
She didn't.
I didn't see her.
It was an accident, Stan, it's all right.
No, it wasn't.
I shouldn't be driving.
I need glasses.
If this gets investigated, it'll all come out.
I'll lose my job.
It was flagged up in my medical.
If I wanted to be a bizzy, I had to wear specs.
You violated your medical report?
I don't want to know about this.
Stupid sod!
I could have killed her.
An old woman could have died because I'm too proud.
Hi babe, Chesney Karib.
What's up?
I've got a job for your crew.
Oh, just leaning on some undecided voters.
Nah, egg and chips was only ever a smokescreen, man.
I've got some big plans with that money.
I'm proud to announce that your new young mayor is--
CROWD CHANTING: Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.
Chesney Karib!
[cheering]
Woo-hoo!
Brilliant Debs, there's tits everywhere.
[music playing]
Chesney.
Debbie, what do you reckon?
Yeah, great.
What are you doing?
Building a beach.
A beach?
Kids needs somewhere to hang, right?
Well, yeah, but--
Nobody here gets to go on holiday.
So two birds, one stone, mountain to Muhammad.
How are you going to pay for it?
Out the budget.
Chesney, that our budget!
Hey, this is all down to you.
You approached me, you inspired me.
I feel like we can do anything.
Really?
Too right, the chemistry here.
What are you waiting for?
All right, girls.
Thanks for your votes.
Oi.
Oh, and beg us some snacks for waste chick, here.
Snacks, cigs?
She's wanting a five-pounder.
Easy birth, innit?
Eh, what you doing?
I'm trying to count, which is pretty
difficult with that racket!
Oh, low it!
Chill your beans.
This is payback, yeah?
Me man Chesney say it's on the house,
and you was cool with it.
If you've done Chesney a favor,
you can have crisps and pop.
This house don't do free beer.
That's whack, man.
Chanelle, yeah?
Chanelle Kay?
What would your Pam say if she knew that you were in here
talking like that to me?
I used to babysit you.
I used to wipe your ass.
So I will have no problem kicking it unless you piss off!
[screeching]
Stan, can you see me here?
Yes.
Here?
Are you being real?
You think this is funny?
Will you grow a brain?
Oh, Stan, he's only trying to cheer you up.
No one died.
Oh, right!
That's our benchmark now, no one died.
So that makes it OK.
I'm giving in me notice.
What?
Look, if I don't come clean, and it gets out that I ignored
medical advice, my life's over.
I've got no choice.
Well, he shouldn't have been driving,
he was criminally negligent.
I'll say I hit her.
I'll take the mark on my file.
I'll do a refresher course on the Highway Code.
We were in the van, you're not allowed to drive it.
Shit.
You are, though.
No chance.
No.
Why should I take the rap for it?
Because you're the only one who can.
No.
The times he's covered for us.
Come on.
What's the musketeer motto?
"I'm all for looking after myself?"
You know, I still haven't given my account
of that incident in custody last week,
when you rubbed your man's face in his own dirty protest.
Serious breach of his civil rights.
Come here, you.
[screaming]
If you squash 'em, they'll spread eggs.
Next thing, you're infested.
[screaming]
Shut up!
No!
[music playing]
Half a dozen fags, and a packet
of the lager and lime, ta.
[music playing]
Shift!
New rules, adults allowed.
What?
Come on, girls.
I put him in't bin.
Cockroach.
I weren't sure where they hang out,
so I just thought, like, cockroach, filthy, bin.
If anyone had the balls to drop the bomb,
cockroaches would be all that's left.
It's the shell, shields them from radiation.
How d'you know all that?
I've lived in some holes, known the odd pest controller.
Right, back to work, then.
Shane.
Kelly.
Are you busy later?
I never stop, love.
Why?
Fancy buying us a drink?
Yeah, if you're--
I'm sure I can slip you in.
Hey, knobhead!
Watch where the sands' going!
No!
Oi, little man.
What are you doing?
Stop it!
Oi, you little--
I will rip your--
What? you was going to give us a slap?
Oh, you think you're the big girl now, yeah?
Think you can take me on?
Move.
Right, bring back the beer, and this once, I'll let it go.
[click]
Oh!
You butts on this.
What happened?
You was a pretty girl.
Romeo blood!
You can stop now.
You're off the hook.
Just told the sarge the old dear, and he bought it.
Carrie, I don't know what to say.
Well, try saying some prayers.
Because if I don't pass this remedial driving test,
you'll be owing me in the next life, not just this one, mate.
Wasn't this a kid's beach once?
OK they weren't in the plan, but this place can only benefit
from having adults around.
Hey, can I take a picture?
Sure.
Just want you to look your best.
[clicking]
It can be hard work, eh?
Pulling.
Who's pulling?
Just thought I'd make an effort.
Right.
Shame though, looking like that.
God, yeah.
You'd clean up, girl.
How do you know if a lad's like, genuinely into you.
He's not just telling you stuff that you want to hear.
Make a move.
You'll know soon enough.
Right.
Debbie, if he doesn't realize how lucky he is,
it's not worth it.
Yeah.
Sex on the beach?
How about a punch?
Find me.
Mm-hmm.
Ah, I think I'm in there, Karen.
Yeah?
Mm.
It's not gonna be cheap, mind.
She's a bit old-fashioned about putting her hand in her pocket.
But not about sticking it in yours.
Funny that.
Mm-hmm.
You're all a mystery to me.
One of those, please, love.
[laughing]
You want crisps with that?
Your rent is extortionate.
And you're the only licensed franchiser
in what's going to be the number one tourist attraction in town.
Do you want in on the ground floor?
[laughing]
Oh!
Your hand's shaking.
First time?
You what?
No, I'm a man of the world, me, love.
Right.
Lillian!
Found a friend.
Oh, hiya, Shane, love.
I'm just going to slip into something more comfy.
Talk t'gaffer.
OK.
Why?
You're a whore?
A fucking prossie!
What's Lillian been saying?
Of course I'm a working girl.
Are you telling me you didn't know.
Sorry, Kelly, love.
Shall I fetch Leroy?
It's OK.
You think I'm stupid.
Soft Shane, runt of the littler.
Shane, I don't.
Tiny bit naive, maybe.
I just, I thought when we were at t'beach, you know,
it were good.
It were.
Just, a girl's gotta earn.
How much?
50.
You can pay with cash, card, giro, luncheon vouchers.
Right.
Right, OK.
15.
Please don't ask for credit, as a refusal may cause offense.
[music - tori praver, "dreamer"]
I'll get it, I'll get it.
Just, here y'are.
Hold that for me.
Anybody waiting?
Because my lonely heart would bleed.
I never learned how to hold love.
It's stay strong to love.
Now I close my eyes now, and I'm dreaming right where I belong.
[fireworks]
[yelling]
You think you're a big girl now, yeah?
Jump up and get down!
Come on, Debbie, dance with me!
You should be taking it easy!
Knock it off, I have juice.
Hey, it's like Corfu all over again, isn't it?
Disco, ouzo, dancing 'til the sun comes up.
Monica, it was Lesbos.
It was a pebbled beach, and it rained every day.
Woo!
I'm a dreamer.
Norma, that is why.
Dreamer, killjoy, Debbie.
Look, this is all down to her.
Her and her little friends.
It wasn't.
And he's not my little friend, either.
Go and get a seat.
All right, but don't I have to pay Chesney?
No, you do not.
Shane!
What you doing?
What?
Doing?
What the fuck does it look like?
The man's burned his back!
Bastard global warming.
Mate, can you sub us some cash.
- What for? - What does it matter what for?
You know I'm good for it.
One'll do.
Cheers, bruv.
Lifesaver.
Sorry, her punter's tantric.
Are you sure you don't want to--
No.
Oi!
Dreamer boy!
Here, now.
I can do this in front of them.
First day in and you're already bent.
Whatever's left.
I'm not letting you feather your nest.
Easy Easy, Debbie.
No.
Easy is how you've had it so far.
Saw you give donations to that granny.
What granny?
Who, Mrs. Syad?
We're hiring her paddling pool.
Whatever.
From now on, we spend that money on what we said.
Clear off.
You're like a wife, on my back, nipping my head.
We made a deal.
No.
You had plans and I encouraged you every stage,
because I thought you give me the robes, no bother.
But you couldn't even do that, eh?
What?
Shut up.
I worked my ass off to get you in there, I did that.
Did you, fuck?
I rigged the vote.
You think free scran swung it?
I hired some muscle to make kids vote for me.
Just give me what I'm owed, yeah?
Piss off, Debbie. I owe you jack.
You're not getting your hens, your chips, or me?
Yeah, I know.
You're so obvious, it's untrue.
Now, leave me alone.
Stalker!
[sirens]
[knocking]
All right, I'm coming!
Who is it?
Stan.
Locked yourself in, eh?
Those girls must have really got to you.
What can I get you, Stan?
Something to knock me out tonight, please.
Liquor, pills, or porn?
Pharmaceuticals usually do it.
Oh, no, Yvonne, it's OK.
No, it's all right.
I know what it's like.
Couple of these and you'll be-- [bang]
CHANELLE: Still waiting, Yvonne.
Let me have another word, eh?
CHANELLE: Don't shit yourself. What are you afraid of?
It's not your problem.
Well, give me a shout if you--
Night, Stan.
Good night.
[music playing]
[cheering]
[groaning]
Here.
I'm fine.
It's just a little bit of morning sickness.
Oh, aye.
Come on, then.
Kill or cure.
Good one, was it?
Awesome.
Where's the girl you've got to thank for it?
Debbie?
[knocking]
Ian!
I can smell him.
IAN: Stare him out, Debs.
Go on, get in there.
Yeah, I know.
I got played.
Sorry.
Debbie, come on this isn't you.
I hide away, feel sorry for myself.
Eh?
Me.
Not you-- hey, you've not got a can under there, have you?
Because that is a slippery slope.
OK.
OK, you didn't realize that Chesney was a bastard.
You got too close, and your little heart's in bits.
DEBBIE: Shut up.
I don't fancy Chesney, not now.
Backstabbing user.
All right, well if you're not going to fight for him,
the best way to get over that man is to show him.
Life goes on.
You had a dream, egg and chips, feed the world.
Come on, make it happen.
How can I?
He's blown my budget.
So?
You're the queen of getting by on the cheap.
You are a doer, Debbie.
Not a can't- er.
OK.
You're upset.
It's hard.
I know.
[music playing]
Debbie?
Extra shot?
No, slept like a baby last night.
Carrie?
What is it?
She's paralyzed, the old woman.
Wheelchair for the rest of her life.
Oh, poor woman. That's terrible.
Well, it gets worse.
The family's taking legal action against me.
I've been suspended.
This changes things.
You've got to tell the sarge.
I'm not going to lose my warrant card because of you,
you blind idiot.
Hey, let's just keep our voices
down, and think about this, OK?
No, she's right.
I have to bite the bullet.
Wait, Stan, if you come clean about this now,
you'll both be in the shit.
It'll look like a conspiracy to cover up.
You'll both be sacked.
I'm so sorry You're a real mate.
Don't think I did this out of friendship.
I only covered for you because D'Artagnan blackmailed me.
[music playing]
Sorry, girls.
Not today.
[clapping]
Feeling it.
The girl got game.
Not my game.
NORMA: Yvonne?
Stay out of it, Norma.
Fill it, and we'll be gone.
Not a chance.
You want me to funeral ya?
Fill it, or we mash you up.
You?
You couldn't mash a potato.
Tell Bottom to jam the hype.
Will you listen to yourself?
You're all talk.
Makes fuck all sense to me.
Oh, I ain't cork, blumper.
Sweetheart, you're white.
Know what you're facing, yeah?
Oh, man, your mates are proper cacking it.
Ready to gan.
Bya!
Well, hurry home!
Before I tan your arse!
You sewer rat!
That's all, thanks.
The best night of my life.
God, yeah.
I mean, yeah, I can imagine.
Kelly being a professional shag, and that.
No.
Sex were good, but we had like, a moment, you know?
I think she could be like girlfriend material.
Have you heard soft lad here, taking his turn to tom?
Shane, it's her job to get punters the best night ever,
so you go back for more.
Yeah, I know.
But this was different.
[moaning]
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Women like her fake that shit to make you feel better.
It's all pretend, part the game.
No.
Stuff you, and your game.
There's some things, Jamie, that you cannot fake.
Kelly's into me, you'll see.
Joe 90, specky Stan, got crucified
in those National Healths.
No way was I putting up with that other job.
Cops are worse than kids.
I were minus six, both eyes.
I had 'em lasered on honeymoon.
Kash booked us on one of these Greek cosmetic surgery cruises.
So I know what it's like, before and after.
And after is miles better.
Maybe that's how I should spend my overtime fund.
Just get some decent specs.
We could get you a makeover, yeah!
Oh no, I don't want to put you out.
No, you won't be.
I'll get you to babysit for me sometime.
[radio crackling]
TOM: (ON RADIO) Stan, there's a criminal damage in progress
just around the corner.
I've said we'll deal.
Received, mate.
Two seconds.
Put that spade down.
I'm arresting you for defacing council property.
What?
You can't nick me for this.
Ladies.
Tom, cuff her.
Is there a problem?
It's criminal damage.
How is planting spuds criminal?
This strip of grass was in perfect condition
before your intervention.
Now it needs repairing, right?
Tom, why don't you and Debbie see if you can sort this, eh?
Carrie.
Your radio.
Don't know what you're talking about.
How else would you know about this?
Carrie, you're not on duty.
Yeah, and why is that, eh?
It isn't fair, I don't deserve this.
What's her problem?
All I want to do is my job, that's all.
That's all!
Don't you dare!
Look, if you just put it back how it was,
we won't to take any further action, OK?
Whatever!
Only a day's work.
Oi, bastard!
What's up?
Me leg.
Will you stretch it?
Mhm.
Been seizing up all day.
You made me use muscles I never knew I had.
Aren't you sore?
No, I'm pretty limber, me.
You need to be to get through all the kitchen windows,
don't you?
So er, maybe I should keep moving?
Oh, aye?
So you did like it, then?
You weren't just giving me patter?
God, no.
That never happens on a trick, ever.
Normally switch off.
If we're not doing it though, do you mind if I head back.
No, no.
Yeah, we can go.
No, finish your chips.
I'll take a cab out my fee.
For this?
Our date?
This were a proper date.
I was hanging out, to see if-- see if there was something.
Shane, this is always work.
You pay for sex or company.
I don't want to spoil what we have.
Well don't put me on a meter, then.
I don't care what you do, Kelly.
I like you.
It's Lillian, she's the problem.
Takes such a chunk out of me wages,
I'm virtually a slave to her.
You don't need to hear this.
How big a chunk?
Kelly?
[music playing]
What?
Look at his arm, Debbie.
And Katie's covered in 'em.
Your beach is builder's sand.
Untreated, full of bugs.
You minding other's stuff, yeah?
Environmental Health will shut it down, Debs.
That councillor's looking for you and Chesney.
He's not the only one.
You need to keep your head down.
No, she needs to do something.
Carl!
I'm sure you can't make your sister feel any worse.
Why is everyone having a go at me?
Stop having a go!
Oh, Debbie, love.
Listen, we all make mistakes.
Even the best of us.
There's no need for any shame here.
You're with family.
He's a dead man.
Shane!
What are you two doing in here?
Out!
I want a word with me brother.
I have to free Kelly.
Lillian's got her trapped!
She can't see past doing tricks, Mickey.
If I could just show her.
Yeah, that's right, Chesney.
Hide behind your veil, coward.
Leave me to take the crap from your filthy beach.
Don't make a scene, not here!
Is everything OK?
Fine.
Misunderstanding.
Who's she?
I'll tell you later, just go.
MAN: Debbie?
Debbie, please.
You don't know what this.
Would you just get out?
Where's Chesney Karib?
Little bastard needs his arse kicking.
Yeah, get in line.
I sanctioned the beach, a clean, safe space
for families, kids.
Unlicensed drinking, two 10-year-olds in casualty,
stomachs pumped, adults exposing themselves,
flea-ridden sand, you running around the estate in drag.
You've caused a shit storm, and spent your entire budget.
It's a PR disaster.
The mayor said you'd take the piss.
I defended you, I staked my career on this policy.
I'm going to get sent back to waste management.
I'm talking to you!
Don't touch me.
Well, don't walk off then.
You've pissed away a lot of good public money,
how are you going to account for that?
I'm not.
I'm just a kid, right?
Wrong.
You're still Young Mayor.
If you can't justify your spending,
we have ways of claiming it back.
Now let's go and see what your mum's got to say
about her rates going up.
You've no idea.
GIRL: Who's that man?
Where's he taking him?
-
WOMAN: Is he coming back?
Doubt it.
What's wrong?
Why are you upset?
I know I will not see my sister in Pakistan before she--
What's all this got to do Chesney?
Chesney was about to take test for me, citizenship test,
to get British passport.
So that when I visit her, I can come back home.
Chesney was going to do that for you?
Bought my flight too.
You what?
Was that the money he gave you at the beach?
Are you going to eat that?
Oh my God, look.
It's a miracle!
No, it's a scam, the cheeky mare.
Where's the wheelchair now, eh?
Quick, we need photos.
If you do this, and show the sarge,
Carrie get reinstated, right?
Yeah.
Do we really want that?
I mean, she was a bit harsh with you today.
And let's face it, she's like Robocop on the rag
when she puts on the uniform.
No, I can't.
I owe her.
She took off for me.
This way we're quits.
[shutter snapping]
Oh, I have so had enough.
Paralysis is nothing compared to what I'm going to do.
Let's quit while we're ahead, eh?
We don't want to lose you, we've only just got you back.
What do you say?
All for one?
[music playing]
[whirring]
OPTICIAN: Just relax, Mr. Waterman.
[whirring]
How does that look?
Oi!
I'm losing the will to live, here.
Stunning.
Absolutely stunning.
YVETTE: Oi!
Kelly!
[knocking]
Ta-da!
Shane?
What are you doing?
I've come for you.
Look!
MAN: At least let her finish me off!
Where are you going to take me, eh?
Just away from here.
Look, you don't belong to Lillian.
You don't have to do this.
You want to save me?
Yes.
Shane!
This isn't pet rescue, I'm not cockroach.
This is what I do, what I choose to do.
I just thought if I showed you how
special it could be with me.
That's dead sweet of you.
You're a nice guy, and a great lay, but that's how it is.
But it doesn't mean we have to stop.
I can't.
I'm fucking brassic.
Mickey wants 50 for driving us here.
How about we make this one free, as long as you
block-book your next five.
Sound fair?
I suppose.
What about?
One minute, literally.
Result.
[applause]
That's sacrilege.
Have you not done enough harm today?
Relax, I took the test for you.
Well, Mrs. Rashida Syad.
You passed!
Yeah.
It's harder than that Respect One Another module, though.
I don't know what to say.
That's a first.
Don't get it, though.
What do you get out of it?
Credit upstairs.
Every good deed means another 100 virgins in paradise.
That's why you never bagged me, Debbie.
Too many rivals.
Whatever, Chesney.
We're quits now anyway.
You lose, Chesney.
[rooster crowing]
[R
DEBBIE: (VOICEOVER) So what came first?
Chicken or the egg?
Power or corruption?
Love or hate?
All right t-shirt, man.
[laughing]
DEBBIE: (VOICEOVER) Oh, it does my head in.
The skits, what?
Do you like it?
Get some food down, monkey boy.
[laughing]
DEBBIE: (VOICEOVER) All I know is this--
if life is an omelette, and you want to make it good,
you've got to crack a few eggs.
You're not eating?
[laughing]
[music playing]
Who was Hogwarts' most famous pupil?
Oh, I know this.
Stanley Potter.
[laughing]
Nice glasses.
[laughing]