1 00:00:07,533 --> 00:00:10,133 Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express. 2 00:00:10,233 --> 00:00:12,800 Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives 3 00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:15,767 they were given by him upstairs. 4 00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:19,567 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 5 00:00:19,667 --> 00:00:20,467 Wicked. 6 00:00:20,567 --> 00:00:21,767 Piss off. 7 00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:25,767 What sounds on Earth could ever replace kids needing 8 00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:28,333 money or wives in your face. 9 00:00:28,433 --> 00:00:31,833 Because this, people reckon, and me included, 10 00:00:31,933 --> 00:00:34,167 is why pubs and drugs were kindly 11 00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:37,333 invented, to calm us all down, to stop us going mental. 12 00:00:37,433 --> 00:00:40,667 These are chaps with the state. 13 00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:46,200 basic essentials we are worth every penny 14 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:49,500 for grinding your axes. 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:54,633 Are not as good as your parents success 16 00:00:54,733 --> 00:00:57,433 Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers, 17 00:00:57,533 --> 00:01:01,767 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer. 18 00:01:01,867 --> 00:01:04,033 Make poverty history. 19 00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:06,800 Cheaper drugs now! 20 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,000 Make poverty history. 21 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:11,000 Cheaper drugs now! 22 00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,067 Scatter! 23 00:01:20,633 --> 00:01:22,800 You might be beyond the help of beauty sleep, Frank, 24 00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:24,100 but I'm not. 25 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,967 Hey, inner beauty is the measure of the man. 26 00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:30,467 I earned this face. 27 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:38,433 Ooh, pecky, pecky. 28 00:01:45,733 --> 00:01:50,200 Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I? 29 00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:54,733 Is it not monstrous that this player here, but in fiction, 30 00:01:54,833 --> 00:01:56,767 in a dream of passion, could force 31 00:01:56,867 --> 00:02:00,100 his soul so to his own conceit. 32 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,433 They would drown the stage with tears 33 00:02:02,533 --> 00:02:06,067 and cleave the general ear with horrid speech. 34 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,333 [knocking] 35 00:02:07,433 --> 00:02:08,233 MAN: Fuck off. 36 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,967 [slurred, unintelligible speech] 37 00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:13,500 MAN: Fuck off, Frank. 38 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,600 FRANK GALLAGHER: Make mad the guilty and appall the free. 39 00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:21,533 Confound the ignorant and amaze indeed the very faculties 40 00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:23,233 of eyes and ears. 41 00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:27,133 Yet, am I, Vernon Francis Gallagher, 42 00:02:27,233 --> 00:02:29,900 a rogue and peasant slave? 43 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,800 Did I say nothing my cause. 44 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,300 What was my cause? 45 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,400 What nature of man have I been? 46 00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:42,600 Ah! 47 00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:48,400 Fucking Shakespeare. 48 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,533 What a cunt. 49 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,433 Come on. 50 00:02:54,533 --> 00:02:55,733 Read it. 51 00:02:55,833 --> 00:03:00,633 In the government of which country did Canana Banana 52 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:03,400 serve in the 1970s and '80s? 53 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,400 Banana? 54 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,833 It's not a real name. False. 55 00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:08,700 It's not a true or false question. 56 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,933 All right, true then. 57 00:03:10,033 --> 00:03:12,200 You need to name the country. 58 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:13,600 I'm not bothered, Debbie. 59 00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,567 Ian. 60 00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:15,733 I'm going to turn it down. 61 00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:17,167 We're playing a game. 62 00:03:17,267 --> 00:03:18,400 What's the answer, Liam? 63 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,433 Zim, Zim. 64 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:21,333 Zimbabwe. 65 00:03:21,433 --> 00:03:23,867 Your turn, Carl. 66 00:03:23,967 --> 00:03:24,800 [dice roll] 67 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:25,833 Five. 68 00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:28,033 One, two, three, four, five. 69 00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:29,500 I'm in the center! 70 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,733 Can I read it? 71 00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:33,367 No. 72 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:37,133 After which Italian explorer is the USA named? 73 00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:39,767 - It's Amerigo Vespucci. - Shut up. 74 00:03:39,867 --> 00:03:40,867 Oh. 75 00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:44,000 Didn't they teach you that at Uni? 76 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,633 How you doing? 77 00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:46,733 America Amerigo Vespucci. 78 00:03:46,833 --> 00:03:48,167 Hello, mate. 79 00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:50,367 High five. - Amerigo Vespucci. 80 00:03:50,467 --> 00:03:51,133 He told you. 81 00:03:51,233 --> 00:03:52,567 Game abandoned. 82 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:53,700 How did you get here? 83 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,667 Hitched. 84 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,267 Took me fucking eight hours. 85 00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:59,833 Do you want a cuppa, prodigal son, or something stronger? 86 00:03:59,933 --> 00:04:00,733 I'd love one. 87 00:04:00,833 --> 00:04:01,900 Spots have cleared up. 88 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,900 Oh, thanks, Mum. 89 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,000 Hello, baby. 90 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,000 That's not fair. 91 00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,133 Missed you too. 92 00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:09,700 I've never won before. 93 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:10,633 Shut up. 94 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,833 Twinkle, twinkle. 95 00:04:17,933 --> 00:04:18,733 Mama. 96 00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:19,667 Wave. 97 00:04:19,767 --> 00:04:20,700 Wave to Mummy. 98 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:21,600 Mama. 99 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,767 Clever girl. 100 00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:25,333 When did she learn that? 101 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,400 Few weeks ago. 102 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,067 Feel like I'm missing out on everything. 103 00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,367 Don't be daft. 104 00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:32,833 Can't be in two places at once, can you? 105 00:04:32,933 --> 00:04:36,067 Besides, she's a total Daddy's girl. 106 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:38,567 [knocking] 107 00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:39,800 What? 108 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:42,000 You're not union, are you, you lazy student ligger. 109 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,267 It's hardly a lay-in, is it? 110 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,767 I thought you wanted to pick up a shift. 111 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,367 - I do. - 10 minutes. 112 00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,200 Nice one. 113 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:49,800 This is brilliant. 114 00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:51,000 How much it costs in sharps. 115 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,333 A lot more than what I pay for it. 116 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,933 If you're going to have a wank, at least lock the door. 117 00:04:58,033 --> 00:04:58,967 Weren't wanking. 118 00:04:59,067 --> 00:05:00,033 You're sick. 119 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,600 I'm not wanking. 120 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:04,533 Out of the way. 121 00:05:04,633 --> 00:05:05,467 I weren't wanking. 122 00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:06,367 I were-- 123 00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:07,833 What? 124 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:11,100 I were praying. 125 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,333 At least make it believable. 126 00:05:12,433 --> 00:05:13,933 I was. 127 00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:15,700 I haven't had my end away since Meena. 128 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,800 I've got bollocks like footballs. 129 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,200 You think Jesus is going to help 130 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,967 me get some girl on her back thinking of England? 131 00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:24,133 I don't want to think of England. 132 00:05:24,233 --> 00:05:25,333 I know what you want. 133 00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:28,867 And praying isn't going to get it you. 134 00:05:28,967 --> 00:05:29,800 How not? 135 00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:37,133 See you for lunch. 136 00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:39,467 Come on, we'll be late. 137 00:05:39,567 --> 00:05:42,433 Quite the little Anthea Turner these days, aren't you? 138 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:48,633 Not letting Granny get under our skin today, are we, Katie? 139 00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:51,867 You tell her, not today, Granny. 140 00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,967 I'm too young to be called Granny. 141 00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:56,733 Say Monica. 142 00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:58,700 Monica. 143 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,533 Monica. 144 00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:02,767 Why won't God help me? 145 00:06:02,867 --> 00:06:04,567 Mainly because he doesn't exist. 146 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:07,000 No blaspheming in front of the children, Debbie. 147 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,000 I'm an atheist. 148 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,233 People have miracles. 149 00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:11,533 I saw it in a documentary. 150 00:06:11,633 --> 00:06:13,900 A bloke were crippled, got dipped in a Grotty, 151 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,767 and then he could walk again. 152 00:06:15,867 --> 00:06:16,667 In a Grotty? 153 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:17,700 Maybe an agnostic. 154 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,000 Haven't decided yet. 155 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,833 Religion is all just superstition left over 156 00:06:20,933 --> 00:06:22,367 from when we lived in caves. 157 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:25,033 I mean, we didn't know how the sun rises in the morning 158 00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,267 and the crops grow in the summer. 159 00:06:26,367 --> 00:06:27,967 It's just a way of explaining things 160 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:28,900 that we don't comprehend. 161 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,800 [crack] 162 00:06:33,733 --> 00:06:34,800 [moan] 163 00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:37,100 That has been blocked for two months. 164 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,400 Four times you've done that. - It's early. 165 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,600 I forgot. 166 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:43,667 And there's no fucking milk. - Come on. 167 00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:46,933 Cleverer people than you believe in God, Debbie. 168 00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:47,833 Where did you read that? 169 00:06:47,933 --> 00:06:49,600 He are OK? 170 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:54,800 It's not my fault we live in a celebrity obsessed culture. 171 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,133 [coughing] 172 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,167 Is everything all right? 173 00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:06,700 Oh. 174 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,600 No everything is not all right. 175 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,867 I just woke up with this sheet on me head. 176 00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:14,633 And I know for a fact I did not join the fucking Ku Klux Klan. 177 00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:16,933 Your breath was causing all the patients to feel nauseous. 178 00:07:17,033 --> 00:07:18,167 Oh? 179 00:07:18,267 --> 00:07:20,233 Distracting them from the MRSA, was it? 180 00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:22,633 Keep your voice down, please. 181 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,867 Waking the dead, are we? 182 00:07:24,967 --> 00:07:26,767 [coughing] 183 00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:27,700 Hello. 184 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,100 Anybody home? 185 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,867 You see a bright light, walk towards it. 186 00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:33,933 Oh, God. 187 00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:35,567 More than I can do. 188 00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:36,500 Jesus. 189 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,667 Oh. 190 00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:44,067 Looks like a black pudding. 191 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,933 I don't think so. 192 00:07:48,033 --> 00:07:50,733 I don't fucking shit me. 193 00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:51,867 What's all? 194 00:07:51,967 --> 00:07:54,967 What's what is, what does NFA mean? 195 00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:57,433 Notify family afterwards. 196 00:07:57,533 --> 00:07:59,100 After what? 197 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,233 We did some tests when you were under. 198 00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:02,300 Right. 199 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,033 You're suffering from aortic stenosis. 200 00:08:05,133 --> 00:08:07,367 When it's at home, love. 201 00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:11,100 There's an obstruction to your aortic valve, not enough 202 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,467 blood getting to your heart. 203 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:15,100 So, what is it, like it's a pill or something to. 204 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,733 No pill, Mr, uh. 205 00:08:16,833 --> 00:08:18,833 Gallagher, Frank Gallagher. 206 00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,700 No operation. 207 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,833 This is a terminal diagnosis. 208 00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:25,767 Truth is, if you make it to the weekend, 209 00:08:25,867 --> 00:08:26,700 it'll be a minor miracle. 210 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:32,367 The weekend. 211 00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:33,767 Fucking hell, you're having a-- 212 00:08:33,867 --> 00:08:35,467 come on, let's go. 213 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,767 Don't you dare die! 214 00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:45,733 I'm alive! 215 00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:47,367 Pathetic, that-- 216 00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:48,100 Dad! 217 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,100 He's just pissed. 218 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,667 He's not breathing. 219 00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:56,167 I'm dying. 220 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:03,500 Pack it in. 221 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,667 I can't concentrate. 222 00:09:05,767 --> 00:09:06,600 Nearly finished. 223 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:07,500 I'm just-- 224 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:08,667 Not you, him. 225 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:15,633 Hey relax, I was just fixing a pipe when I saw an opening. 226 00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:16,933 This is a place of work. 227 00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:18,767 Hey, we're just trying to keep our record up. 228 00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,033 What record? 229 00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:22,067 They've had a shag at least once every day 230 00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:23,433 since they've been married. 231 00:09:23,533 --> 00:09:25,567 It's like a chain letter, you break the sequence 232 00:09:25,667 --> 00:09:27,067 and you're jinxed. 233 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,000 Nice one. 234 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,433 Pint and four Es. 235 00:09:31,533 --> 00:09:32,933 Not open for another 10 minutes. 236 00:09:33,033 --> 00:09:35,500 Oh, not today, oh, Lord. 237 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,800 Not today. 238 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:40,833 Do not abuse the minuscule authority that you possess. 239 00:09:40,933 --> 00:09:42,567 Not today. - OK. 240 00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:43,533 Keep your hair on. 241 00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:47,067 Oh. 242 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,233 Thank you. 243 00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,367 What's wrong with you, Dad? 244 00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:09,500 My mortality is weighing heavily, son. 245 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:14,100 Like an albatross around me legs. 246 00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,367 Don't give him any more Es. 247 00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:35,867 I'm sorry. 248 00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:37,200 Third time you've been late this week. 249 00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,367 It's me nieces. They keep me up all hours. 250 00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:40,700 I don't give a shit what your excuse is. 251 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,300 I'm not paying for a cleaner who's never here. 252 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:47,267 You're not the fucking boss of me. 253 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:48,600 I'm not Hoovering it tomorrow. 254 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,067 What do you mean? 255 00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,567 You're not paying for the cleaner. 256 00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:54,067 Who do you think is running the gaff since Carol fucked 257 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:55,467 off with two months takings? 258 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:58,967 So muggins here has been left holding the shit bucket. 259 00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:01,733 Sorry I asked. 260 00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:03,600 Now, where were we. 261 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,267 Sorry, I've lost me erection. 262 00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:08,233 Ian, Hoover doesn't go here. 263 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:17,300 [moan] 264 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:21,467 Fucking, what do you want, you creepy little twat? 265 00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:22,667 Who are you? 266 00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,700 I'm Frank Gallagher. 267 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,167 Don't you recognize me? 268 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:36,067 All right, Frank. 269 00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:37,433 He can't see me. 270 00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:38,433 Only you can. 271 00:11:38,533 --> 00:11:39,233 Cause you're dying. 272 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:41,167 You got a guilty conscience. 273 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,633 Can you see him? 274 00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:44,567 Who? 275 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:45,667 Him. 276 00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:48,867 Fucking refugee from the Partridge Family. 277 00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:51,333 Fucking walking advertisement for abstinence you are, Frank. 278 00:11:51,433 --> 00:11:53,367 Guilty conscience about what? 279 00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:54,133 You what? 280 00:11:54,233 --> 00:11:56,167 About wasting your life. 281 00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:59,133 You're pissing on your shoes. 282 00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:03,233 Oh, I can't feel a fucking thing. 283 00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:04,133 Oh. 284 00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:26,400 Oh, I'm looking for Phil. 285 00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:27,500 Wrong house. 286 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,033 Phil Gallagher. 287 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:47,667 No. 288 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,467 I am not interested. 289 00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:50,867 I've got enough on me mind as it is 290 00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:52,567 without being stalked by the Ghost 291 00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:55,867 of Christmas Fucking Past. 292 00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:57,100 What are you wearing? 293 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,667 Looks a sofa cover. 294 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:02,967 You're counting, aren't you? 295 00:13:03,067 --> 00:13:04,233 What? 296 00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:06,333 If you can make it to the end of the week, 297 00:13:06,433 --> 00:13:08,267 you're counting how much beer and how 298 00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:11,267 many pills you'll be able to get down your neck before you die. 299 00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:12,667 Well, what else am I supposed to do. 300 00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:15,867 I'm facing the fucking celestial firing squad here. 301 00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:18,833 You expect me to get on me knees. 302 00:13:18,933 --> 00:13:22,367 Excuse me, God, now I'm going to pop me clogs, if you wouldn't 303 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:27,067 mind wiping the slate clean. 304 00:13:27,167 --> 00:13:29,333 I got some dignity, you know. 305 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,600 Life's a precious gift. 306 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:37,200 Most people try and do something with it. 307 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,600 What have you done? 308 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:43,833 Hey, I have done plenty. 309 00:13:43,933 --> 00:13:47,500 I could have done things, been someone, instead of which, 310 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,967 I became you. 311 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,700 What's the point of you? 312 00:14:11,733 --> 00:14:14,167 What are you doing here? 313 00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:15,867 You told me you were an orphan. 314 00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:16,767 Who's this? 315 00:14:19,133 --> 00:14:24,300 This is Alex, Phil's girlfriend from Uni. 316 00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:31,133 Who's Phil? 317 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,133 Shit. 318 00:14:42,733 --> 00:14:43,533 Fuck. 319 00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:48,100 You with him? 320 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,267 Look, I've got a right to the truth. 321 00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:54,500 I've come all the way from Brighton. 322 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:55,767 Was he expecting you? 323 00:14:55,867 --> 00:14:57,933 Well, no. 324 00:14:58,033 --> 00:15:00,133 I've got a domestic situation and I needed 325 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,100 some support from my boyfriend. 326 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,433 Upstairs. 327 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,667 She's a nutter. 328 00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:24,467 I saw her once, twice at most. 329 00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:26,067 Three months, she says. 330 00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:27,767 Since the fourth day of freshers week. 331 00:15:27,867 --> 00:15:29,200 What? 332 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,200 Think she stood there in silence while you run out 333 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:31,333 to find your backbone, do you? 334 00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:34,667 What other lies have you told? 335 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,567 Did you use condoms? 336 00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,300 Yeah. 337 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,400 She's not pregnant, is she? 338 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,500 She told me she went on the pill. 339 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,900 If she is up the duff, she hasn't mentioned it. 340 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,467 My concern is more diseases. 341 00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,700 Since you shagged me last night and you've clearly been ridding 342 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,600 bareback with her. 343 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,233 Jesus Christ, it is not rocket science. 344 00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:52,133 I know, I'm sorry. 345 00:15:52,233 --> 00:15:54,167 Four simple rules. 346 00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:55,767 Always use condoms. 347 00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:57,233 Never get involved. 348 00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,433 Neither of us finds out what the one might be shagging 349 00:15:59,533 --> 00:16:01,867 and it never impacts on our home. 350 00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:04,267 It were Your idea. 351 00:16:04,367 --> 00:16:05,533 I need to talk to Phil. 352 00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:06,433 You'll get your turn. 353 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,500 Fuck off. 354 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,667 The whole point of an open relationship 355 00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:14,567 is to protect what we've got. 356 00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:15,467 Not completely. 357 00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:16,433 Forget about it. 358 00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:17,800 I know. 359 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:18,800 I made a mistake. 360 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:20,267 Fucking right you did. 361 00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:21,333 And you're gonna sort it. 362 00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:27,533 Last thing. 363 00:16:27,633 --> 00:16:30,567 I want it noted that you've never found out about mine. 364 00:16:47,967 --> 00:16:49,867 Lilian. 365 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:50,800 Lilian. 366 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,633 Hello, love. 367 00:16:53,733 --> 00:16:55,333 I thought I'd pop round. 368 00:16:55,433 --> 00:16:58,200 Look, I'm sorry if I flew off the handle a bit earlier. 369 00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,533 Anyone's apologizing, it's me. 370 00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:01,367 Don't any sleep. 371 00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:03,733 I'm like a bear with a sore ass. 372 00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:05,033 What are you doing? 373 00:17:05,133 --> 00:17:06,500 I'm catching up on some domestics. 374 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,000 It's like a Chinese laundry in here with the girls. 375 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:10,733 - Thanks, Victor, love. - See you next week. 376 00:17:10,833 --> 00:17:11,667 All right. 377 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,800 These girls aren't really your nieces, are they, Lilian? 378 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,067 Not by blood. 379 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:21,367 But they like to call me auntie. 380 00:17:21,467 --> 00:17:23,133 They're under problems, bless them. 381 00:17:23,233 --> 00:17:26,700 Living on the street as such, D-R-U-G-S. 382 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,433 But I'm looking after them now. 383 00:17:29,533 --> 00:17:30,400 Ta-ra, Mike. 384 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,200 Right. 385 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:40,833 This can't be right. 386 00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:42,067 It's Lilian's house. 387 00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:43,567 We've got a nosy neighbor keeping a log 388 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:44,500 and taking photographs. 389 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,233 There have been 17 men in 24 hours. 390 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,800 Who'd have thought it? 391 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,200 Madam Sin. 392 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,700 It's a competitive market these days, 393 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,500 with the Eastern European girls offering more for less. 394 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,033 - We'll have to raid her. - No. 395 00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:57,400 We've got no choice. 396 00:17:59,967 --> 00:18:01,467 Don't see how we have to shift. 397 00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:02,400 It's our house. 398 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,267 Because they need privacy to talk. 399 00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:05,800 And the bedroom probably isn't the most 400 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:09,167 appropriate venue, considering. 401 00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:11,267 You now, Monica. 402 00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:13,267 I thought you might need a mature head. 403 00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:16,833 If you know any, be sure and let us know. 404 00:18:16,933 --> 00:18:18,833 Frank, I think you should hear this. 405 00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:21,367 No, no, no. 406 00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:23,133 It's all just tomorrow's chip paper. 407 00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:27,533 I better go and see what's bothering your dad. 408 00:18:27,633 --> 00:18:29,167 I thought your dad died in Bosnia. 409 00:18:39,867 --> 00:18:41,900 Frank, what are you looking for? 410 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,933 Wedding photograph. 411 00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,467 There. There, see. 412 00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:46,400 Wedding day. 413 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,467 I was there. 414 00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:50,800 I made an impact on that day, didn't I? 415 00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:52,167 But you are unconscious in that one, 416 00:18:52,267 --> 00:18:55,867 so we had to prop you up. 417 00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:56,833 See. 418 00:18:56,933 --> 00:18:57,767 Fiona. 419 00:18:57,867 --> 00:18:58,767 Birth of me first born. 420 00:18:58,867 --> 00:19:00,867 That has to count, doesn't it? 421 00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:02,100 Mm. 422 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,467 Except you're not in that one because you 423 00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:07,033 disappeared to wet the baby's head for four days. 424 00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:08,333 Oh, fucking hell. 425 00:19:10,933 --> 00:19:15,567 Mon, Mon, I need you to tell me have I been a good man, 426 00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,033 made a contribution? 427 00:19:17,133 --> 00:19:18,033 Course you have, love. 428 00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:18,933 Well how? 429 00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:22,333 Show me evidence. 430 00:19:22,433 --> 00:19:24,433 What's brought all this on? 431 00:19:24,533 --> 00:19:25,333 I'm dying, Mon. 432 00:19:32,267 --> 00:19:37,867 I took a piss on the generator and me cock got burned. 433 00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:42,967 And I went to hospital and they said I've 434 00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:47,600 got stenography of the heart. 435 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:48,933 All right. 436 00:19:49,033 --> 00:19:52,300 Calm down. 437 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,600 Calm down. 438 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:54,533 I can't. 439 00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,633 Tell me all about it. 440 00:19:59,733 --> 00:20:03,000 We have an open relationship. 441 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:07,767 He can see other people and so can I. Cardinal rule 442 00:20:07,867 --> 00:20:10,767 is, you don't get involved. 443 00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:13,100 So I was just a fling, was I? 444 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,067 What happened to going traveling together and do 445 00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:18,300 you believe in soulmates. 446 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:23,300 Is no one in this fucking world who they appear to be? 447 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,100 I was woken up at 5:30 this morning by the police, 448 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,167 arresting my mum and dad. 449 00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:32,100 They've been running a timeshare scam in Turkey. 450 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:35,833 Have you what it's like to have criminals for parents? 451 00:20:35,933 --> 00:20:38,433 Thought at least you were there for me. 452 00:20:43,767 --> 00:20:48,367 She said I'll be lucky to make it beyond the weekend. 453 00:20:48,467 --> 00:20:49,867 Don't be silly. 454 00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:51,433 You're just confused. 455 00:20:51,533 --> 00:20:53,333 You had a lot to drink last night, that's all. 456 00:20:53,433 --> 00:20:54,167 No, Mon. 457 00:20:54,267 --> 00:20:55,633 My head has never been clearer. 458 00:20:58,367 --> 00:21:03,000 And I need to know, what is my legacy? 459 00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:18,833 Well, I suppose you could say, um-- 460 00:21:18,933 --> 00:21:21,233 Well, go on. 461 00:21:21,333 --> 00:21:23,867 Jesus, Frank, it's not easy. 462 00:21:23,967 --> 00:21:25,300 You're an alcoholic. 463 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,233 You've never put a penny in the family pot. 464 00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:29,000 You have as much chance of being elected 465 00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:31,533 prime minister as naming any of your eight 466 00:21:31,633 --> 00:21:34,600 children's birthdays. 467 00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:38,433 Well, thank you very fucking much for your support. 468 00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:41,167 Oh, Frank, don't spit the dummy out. 469 00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,067 Nobody looks to you for achievements. 470 00:21:43,167 --> 00:21:45,033 You're not an achievement kind of a bloke. 471 00:21:48,233 --> 00:21:50,600 So who made heaven and Earth then? 472 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,500 Well for a start, there is no heaven. 473 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,633 And the Earth started with the Big Bang. 474 00:21:55,733 --> 00:21:58,833 So after we die, smart. 475 00:21:58,933 --> 00:21:59,767 Nothing. 476 00:21:59,867 --> 00:22:01,700 You just die. 477 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:05,867 Remember, man, thou art dust, and into dust thou 478 00:22:05,967 --> 00:22:07,600 shalt return. 479 00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:08,767 Dad, tell her. 480 00:22:08,867 --> 00:22:09,967 Sure there is a god. 481 00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:10,900 What? 482 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:11,867 God. 483 00:22:11,967 --> 00:22:13,667 Does he, she, or it exist? 484 00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:15,667 Carl wants to know if divine intervention 485 00:22:15,767 --> 00:22:17,400 can help him get his hand away. 486 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:18,333 Right. 487 00:22:21,267 --> 00:22:26,567 In the dark of night, every atheist half believes, Debs. 488 00:22:29,533 --> 00:22:33,567 So if I come back to haunt you, you'll know for sure. 489 00:22:39,967 --> 00:22:41,600 What kind of answer is that? 490 00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:47,567 Knew nothing about you or the little girl. 491 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,900 As far as I was aware he was an orphan. 492 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,500 He brought himself up from the age of 14. 493 00:22:55,233 --> 00:22:58,700 It was a white lie that got out of hand. 494 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,333 Wasn't meant to go this far. 495 00:23:00,433 --> 00:23:02,367 What wasn't, the lie or our relationship? 496 00:23:02,467 --> 00:23:03,267 Both. 497 00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:09,933 You're stretching it a bit to call it a relationship. 498 00:23:10,033 --> 00:23:13,100 No No, no, no, no, no. 499 00:23:18,433 --> 00:23:19,567 Don't stop on my account. 500 00:23:25,067 --> 00:23:26,633 It's like being a prisoner in your own home. 501 00:23:30,967 --> 00:23:32,367 [sigh] 502 00:23:33,667 --> 00:23:35,167 Seems you've got a choice to make. 503 00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:42,900 Oh, well. I'll help. 504 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,133 Because I can't kick the dust of this 505 00:23:44,233 --> 00:23:46,633 place off my shoes quick enough. 506 00:23:46,733 --> 00:23:47,867 I'm having a brew. 507 00:23:47,967 --> 00:23:48,800 I'm really sorry. 508 00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:50,300 [crack] 509 00:24:02,467 --> 00:24:04,467 What's your happiest memory of me? 510 00:24:04,567 --> 00:24:05,667 What are you on, Dad? 511 00:24:05,767 --> 00:24:06,600 What are you lurking for? 512 00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:07,833 Just tell me. 513 00:24:07,933 --> 00:24:09,167 Daughter to father. 514 00:24:09,267 --> 00:24:10,633 Best birthday party. 515 00:24:10,733 --> 00:24:12,333 Favorite day out. 516 00:24:12,433 --> 00:24:14,200 I never had a birthday party. 517 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:17,167 And you're always wasted on days-- 518 00:24:17,267 --> 00:24:18,367 well, there was that time when-- 519 00:24:18,467 --> 00:24:19,600 Yeah, go on. 520 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:21,433 When we went to court, seeing you being bound over. 521 00:24:21,533 --> 00:24:25,133 I wanted to be a lawyer for ages after that. 522 00:24:25,233 --> 00:24:27,233 And that's it? 523 00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:31,567 Well, I could make something up if you want. 524 00:24:31,667 --> 00:24:35,700 Et tu, Debbie? Et tu. 525 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:42,367 You et two what? 526 00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:51,700 Dad? 527 00:25:02,733 --> 00:25:05,633 All right? 528 00:25:05,733 --> 00:25:07,200 Did I hurt you? 529 00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:09,267 No. 530 00:25:09,367 --> 00:25:11,967 Yeah, stings like fuck. 531 00:25:12,067 --> 00:25:15,167 So does my wrist. 532 00:25:15,267 --> 00:25:17,967 What's your plan? 533 00:25:18,067 --> 00:25:19,600 Haven't got one. 534 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:21,367 Look, I'm really sorry about-- 535 00:25:21,467 --> 00:25:23,367 I don't care about the stupid lies 536 00:25:23,467 --> 00:25:26,200 you told about your family. 537 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:29,533 I just need to know one thing. 538 00:25:29,633 --> 00:25:33,300 Stuff you said when it was just you and me, the pillow talk, 539 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,833 did you mean it? - Of course I did. 540 00:25:35,933 --> 00:25:37,700 Then, I don't understand. 541 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:42,067 Neither do I. Sort it out when I get back to Nottingham, yeah? 542 00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:45,700 No, Phil, that's not good enough. 543 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:46,800 I have to go to work. 544 00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:47,800 What? 545 00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:50,800 I've got a shift at the pub. 546 00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:54,433 I can't just not go. 547 00:25:54,533 --> 00:25:55,667 I'll see you at Uni. 548 00:26:03,067 --> 00:26:04,467 Nobody would give a good account of you. 549 00:26:04,567 --> 00:26:07,133 If anything, you've had a negative impact. 550 00:26:07,233 --> 00:26:09,500 Nya, nya, nya, nya negative impact. 551 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,200 What are you doing? 552 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:13,867 What are you doing? 553 00:26:13,967 --> 00:26:14,867 Looking for evidence. 554 00:26:14,967 --> 00:26:16,033 Evidence of what? 555 00:26:16,133 --> 00:26:18,000 Of why you're here. 556 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:21,133 Why are you haunting me like Casper the fucking less 557 00:26:21,233 --> 00:26:22,700 than friendly previous self. 558 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:23,900 You know why. 559 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,133 No, I do not. 560 00:26:28,433 --> 00:26:31,267 So I've contributed slightly less than Einstein 561 00:26:31,367 --> 00:26:34,233 and slightly more than Fred West to the human condition. 562 00:26:34,333 --> 00:26:35,167 So what? 563 00:26:35,267 --> 00:26:36,800 Who the fuck are you to criticize? 564 00:26:45,833 --> 00:26:47,867 See? 565 00:26:47,967 --> 00:26:49,233 Was hardly a little angel, was I? 566 00:26:49,333 --> 00:26:50,767 Already well acquainted with Lady Palm 567 00:26:50,867 --> 00:26:52,833 and her five fucking sisters. 568 00:26:52,933 --> 00:26:53,733 So what? 569 00:26:53,833 --> 00:26:55,067 Never said I was an angel. 570 00:26:59,300 --> 00:27:01,500 Then what do you want? 571 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,700 What else happened when you were 12? 572 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:04,633 I don't know. 573 00:27:08,133 --> 00:27:10,000 Malcolm Allison became city manager. 574 00:27:10,100 --> 00:27:11,467 Rodney Marsh shagged a model. 575 00:27:11,567 --> 00:27:12,467 I don't know. 576 00:27:12,567 --> 00:27:13,867 Closer to home? 577 00:27:13,967 --> 00:27:15,733 I don't know. 578 00:27:20,733 --> 00:27:34,433 Well, he canceled me birthday because mum died. 579 00:27:34,533 --> 00:27:36,333 You promised you'd make her proud. 580 00:27:45,300 --> 00:27:49,700 But how could I make her proud with him as me old man? 581 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,133 You'll see her soon enough. 582 00:27:52,233 --> 00:27:54,933 Tell yourself about the man you became. 583 00:27:55,033 --> 00:27:59,433 That is, if you make it up there. 584 00:27:59,533 --> 00:28:02,133 What, heaven? 585 00:28:02,233 --> 00:28:04,233 Confession's good for the soul, 586 00:28:04,333 --> 00:28:09,367 especially if the day of judgment is fast approaching. 587 00:28:09,467 --> 00:28:12,100 But I can't go to chapel, I'm barred. 588 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:13,633 Who needs a priest? 589 00:28:13,733 --> 00:28:17,300 With a soul as black as yours, you better get started. 590 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:21,167 And remember, God sees everything, Frank. 591 00:28:24,033 --> 00:28:25,500 Hello, Dennis? 592 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,800 Listen, you remember that party when somebody put the chip pan 593 00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:31,867 on and the house burned down? 594 00:28:31,967 --> 00:28:34,133 Anyhow, it was me. 595 00:28:34,233 --> 00:28:35,167 Hello, is that Emma? 596 00:28:35,267 --> 00:28:36,767 Hi, it's Frank Gallagher here. 597 00:28:36,867 --> 00:28:37,900 It was me. 598 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,000 Remember that party when you shagged 599 00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:40,333 that builder and your little fellow 600 00:28:40,433 --> 00:28:43,400 cottoned on and turfed you out? 601 00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:44,467 Rickets? 602 00:28:44,567 --> 00:28:46,067 Hi, it's Frank Gallagher here. It was me. 603 00:28:46,167 --> 00:28:47,000 It was me. 604 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:48,267 It was me. 605 00:28:48,367 --> 00:28:49,300 Yes, I know I'm a cunt. 606 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,767 I just thought you should know. 607 00:28:51,867 --> 00:28:53,667 Hello, Dennis, Frank again. 608 00:28:53,767 --> 00:28:54,567 I forgot to say-- 609 00:28:58,633 --> 00:29:00,500 Who were you talking to? 610 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:01,233 No, nobody. 611 00:29:01,333 --> 00:29:02,833 It was the wrong number. 612 00:29:02,933 --> 00:29:03,767 Oh, look at you. 613 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:05,033 You're all sweaty. 614 00:29:05,133 --> 00:29:08,400 I haven't got time for this, Mon. 615 00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:09,400 Isn't that Lip's? 616 00:29:09,500 --> 00:29:11,600 Yeah, well, he'll get it back soon. 617 00:29:11,700 --> 00:29:12,533 Frank. 618 00:29:15,333 --> 00:29:19,167 I probably didn't tell you enough, Monica, but I love you. 619 00:29:29,667 --> 00:29:32,000 Hey. 620 00:29:32,100 --> 00:29:33,367 Hey. 621 00:29:33,467 --> 00:29:37,133 So where is this pub your brother's working at? 622 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:39,200 Just over there. 623 00:29:39,300 --> 00:29:40,700 So are you going to buy me a drink then? 624 00:29:44,367 --> 00:29:45,333 I'll give you the money. 625 00:29:54,067 --> 00:29:55,833 Come on, Mrs. McGuire. 626 00:29:55,933 --> 00:29:58,733 I am claiming my conjugal rights. 627 00:29:58,833 --> 00:30:00,567 I'm busy. Oh, come on. 628 00:30:00,667 --> 00:30:03,033 Doesn't have to be Dr Zhivago or anything. 629 00:30:03,133 --> 00:30:05,867 Quickie will do. 630 00:30:05,967 --> 00:30:08,000 That's tempting. 631 00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:09,233 Meet you upstairs in five. 632 00:30:20,167 --> 00:30:21,633 They're having a fucking laugh. 633 00:30:25,300 --> 00:30:27,033 Karen. 634 00:30:27,133 --> 00:30:28,633 Can we have a word? 635 00:30:32,867 --> 00:30:34,867 Are you mental? 636 00:30:34,967 --> 00:30:36,967 Open relationships are never equal. 637 00:30:37,067 --> 00:30:38,333 What was the alternative? 638 00:30:38,433 --> 00:30:40,000 Him tripping over himself trying to remember 639 00:30:40,100 --> 00:30:43,300 which lie he's told? 640 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,067 When he goes back to Uni, if it's not this one, 641 00:30:45,167 --> 00:30:47,133 it'll be somebody else. 642 00:30:47,233 --> 00:30:48,233 We're holding him back. 643 00:30:50,967 --> 00:30:52,033 I just hope you've been getting 644 00:30:52,133 --> 00:30:53,467 some to even out the score. 645 00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,467 Fucking annoying thing is, I love him, Karen. 646 00:31:21,467 --> 00:31:25,100 By the time you view this, I will be dead. 647 00:31:33,067 --> 00:31:36,100 I've lived a full life or perhaps a fool's life. 648 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,500 I'll let history be the judge. 649 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:46,533 I leave you the proud father of six, the proud father of eight. 650 00:31:46,633 --> 00:31:54,600 So, Lip, you were a gobby little shite, 651 00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:56,567 always had too much to say for yourself. 652 00:31:56,667 --> 00:31:59,200 So you should know that I've had a little piss 653 00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:06,400 in every bottle of pop you've left in the fridge since 1997. 654 00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:07,800 Ian. 655 00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:09,800 [phone ringing] 656 00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:18,400 Hello? 657 00:32:18,500 --> 00:32:19,833 Speaking. 658 00:32:19,933 --> 00:32:21,533 He's not here at the moment. 659 00:32:21,633 --> 00:32:23,667 Between the ages of three and four, 660 00:32:23,767 --> 00:32:27,300 I regularly really Ian a couple of downers 661 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,267 so he would shut the fuck up. 662 00:32:29,367 --> 00:32:32,100 I dropped Carl on his head when he was a baby. 663 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,233 And then they fucking haul you in for indecent exposure. 664 00:32:35,333 --> 00:32:37,033 I still don't see what's indecent about it. 665 00:32:37,133 --> 00:32:38,267 Because if they all had Alzheimer's, 666 00:32:38,367 --> 00:32:39,567 how would they know anything different? 667 00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:41,133 Listen, if there's nothing wrong with you, 668 00:32:41,233 --> 00:32:42,533 you better fucking tell-- 669 00:32:42,633 --> 00:32:46,433 Finally, something I've always guarded with my life. 670 00:32:46,533 --> 00:32:47,667 Where you going? 671 00:32:47,767 --> 00:32:51,633 I need - to find your dad. 672 00:32:51,733 --> 00:32:54,400 That's it. 673 00:32:54,500 --> 00:32:55,300 The end. 674 00:32:58,867 --> 00:33:00,933 How did I wind up here? 675 00:33:01,033 --> 00:33:03,733 You're always going to wind up here. 676 00:33:03,833 --> 00:33:06,333 Christ, I've never been before. 677 00:33:06,433 --> 00:33:09,333 He wouldn't let me go to her funeral. 678 00:33:09,433 --> 00:33:10,667 I know. 679 00:33:10,767 --> 00:33:12,000 Which one is it? 680 00:33:12,100 --> 00:33:13,067 You'll find it. 681 00:33:25,533 --> 00:33:32,367 (SINGING) Heaven must be missing an angel. 682 00:33:32,467 --> 00:33:38,200 Missing one angel child cause you're here with me right now. 683 00:33:38,300 --> 00:33:41,633 And remember, folks, all proceeds go to cancer research. 684 00:33:41,733 --> 00:33:42,633 Wish you had it, you tosser. 685 00:33:51,633 --> 00:33:52,500 Fancy a shag? 686 00:34:04,700 --> 00:34:07,033 Have you been crying? 687 00:34:07,133 --> 00:34:08,567 Have I, fuck. 688 00:34:08,667 --> 00:34:09,767 Who was it, Mandy? 689 00:34:09,867 --> 00:34:10,700 What? 690 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:12,433 The bloke you shagged. 691 00:34:12,533 --> 00:34:15,200 Somebody in here? It's only fair. 692 00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:17,033 You know about mine. 693 00:34:17,133 --> 00:34:19,167 You're such a prick. 694 00:34:19,267 --> 00:34:20,500 All right, Mandy. 695 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,467 Hi. 696 00:34:23,567 --> 00:34:24,600 Maybe it was him. 697 00:34:24,700 --> 00:34:25,733 He's fit. 698 00:34:25,833 --> 00:34:27,833 Built like a donkey by all accounts. 699 00:34:27,933 --> 00:34:28,733 Fuck you. 700 00:34:32,067 --> 00:34:35,000 The blokes were the criminals. 701 00:34:35,100 --> 00:34:37,833 Girls on the game, they've got no choice. 702 00:34:37,933 --> 00:34:39,533 The men, scum. 703 00:34:39,633 --> 00:34:43,000 I wonder why they call it the game. 704 00:34:43,100 --> 00:34:46,367 I should know. I've been there. 705 00:34:46,467 --> 00:34:47,800 Somebody paid you for sex? 706 00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:49,933 It's all about self-esteem. 707 00:34:50,033 --> 00:34:54,567 The girls need a helping hand, not prosecution. 708 00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:56,300 Somebody paid you for sex? 709 00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:09,400 I'm sorry. 710 00:35:17,733 --> 00:35:19,767 Do you think that's entirely appropriate? 711 00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:22,433 Oh get off your high horse. 712 00:35:22,533 --> 00:35:24,633 Some of the fondest memories I have of her 713 00:35:24,733 --> 00:35:27,700 is her with a nail in her hand. 714 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,133 I think she would have approved. 715 00:35:34,100 --> 00:35:35,533 Need to find an envelope for this. 716 00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:47,933 (SINGING) Sue, just one look and my heart went boom. 717 00:35:48,033 --> 00:35:52,600 Suddenly, we were on the moon. 718 00:35:52,700 --> 00:35:53,567 Two Es. 719 00:35:57,567 --> 00:35:58,800 There you go, Frank. 720 00:35:58,900 --> 00:36:01,600 I'll get those. 721 00:36:01,700 --> 00:36:05,133 Darling, I've been looking for you everywhere. 722 00:36:05,233 --> 00:36:08,967 The hospital phoned and I'm sorry I didn't believe you. 723 00:36:09,067 --> 00:36:10,467 I'm so sorry. 724 00:36:10,567 --> 00:36:11,800 [sobbing] 725 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,167 You can't leave me, Frank. 726 00:36:15,267 --> 00:36:17,300 I don't know what I'll do without you. 727 00:36:21,300 --> 00:36:23,267 For fuck's sake, get it over with. 728 00:36:23,367 --> 00:36:24,767 Well, uh, if you're sure. 729 00:36:24,867 --> 00:36:25,700 Go. 730 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:32,700 What's up with her now? 731 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:37,533 We'll find a way. 732 00:36:41,033 --> 00:36:43,600 Where's my bag? 733 00:36:43,700 --> 00:36:45,100 Where's my bag? 734 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:46,233 What are you talking about? 735 00:36:46,333 --> 00:36:49,033 My bag, it was, it was right there. 736 00:36:49,133 --> 00:36:50,133 How could anyone have nicked it. 737 00:36:50,233 --> 00:36:51,133 It must weighed a ton. 738 00:36:51,233 --> 00:36:54,467 You left your bag by the door. 739 00:36:54,567 --> 00:36:55,400 Take it easy. 740 00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:58,167 It's only stuff. 741 00:36:58,267 --> 00:37:00,233 I don't think this is a good idea. 742 00:37:00,333 --> 00:37:01,600 No. 743 00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:03,300 Listen. 744 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,533 I've had the shittiest day of my life. 745 00:37:06,633 --> 00:37:08,167 It doesn't matter. 746 00:37:08,267 --> 00:37:09,400 What's important is this. 747 00:37:09,500 --> 00:37:11,033 I don't care what lies you told, OK? 748 00:37:11,133 --> 00:37:12,600 I love you. 749 00:37:12,700 --> 00:37:13,633 It's past time you left. 750 00:37:13,733 --> 00:37:14,567 No. 751 00:37:14,667 --> 00:37:16,867 I want you to hear this. 752 00:37:16,967 --> 00:37:19,067 I want Phil to come back with me. 753 00:37:19,167 --> 00:37:21,900 He doesn't belong here. 754 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:23,467 Phil. 755 00:37:23,567 --> 00:37:25,833 I'm staying here. 756 00:37:25,933 --> 00:37:28,400 You don't have to decide now. 757 00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:29,733 Thought I should be up front. 758 00:37:29,833 --> 00:37:31,933 Very noble. 759 00:37:32,033 --> 00:37:33,900 We need to be friends. 760 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,067 If this works out, I could be partly responsible for bringing 761 00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,167 up your daughter. 762 00:37:43,933 --> 00:37:44,733 Ah! 763 00:37:44,833 --> 00:37:45,667 Mandy! 764 00:37:48,133 --> 00:37:49,500 She bit my ear. 765 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,133 Do what you want with him, you fucking bitch. 766 00:37:51,233 --> 00:37:54,567 Don't you dare bring my daughter into this. 767 00:37:54,667 --> 00:37:55,500 Oh! 768 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,033 [sounds of a brawl] 769 00:38:25,867 --> 00:38:27,433 [laughing] 770 00:38:28,467 --> 00:38:31,733 Go away now, you little bastard. 771 00:38:31,833 --> 00:38:33,733 Go on, blow yourself. 772 00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:40,700 What's more alive than this? 773 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,233 Gallaghers fighting for the family honor. 774 00:38:55,133 --> 00:38:57,033 This is my legacy. 775 00:38:57,133 --> 00:38:59,700 You've got your hands on me tits. 776 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:00,633 Hello? 777 00:39:18,333 --> 00:39:19,133 Fight! 778 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,567 [birds chirping] 779 00:39:52,333 --> 00:39:54,133 Oh. 780 00:39:54,233 --> 00:39:56,467 Fucking hell. 781 00:39:56,567 --> 00:39:57,400 Oh. 782 00:40:12,867 --> 00:40:13,833 Got no shadow. 783 00:40:13,933 --> 00:40:16,900 It's cause you're dead. 784 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,433 You've got no physical form. 785 00:40:19,533 --> 00:40:20,467 What? 786 00:40:20,567 --> 00:40:21,367 You died last night. 787 00:40:26,867 --> 00:40:31,300 But, I feel normal. 788 00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:36,800 So do I. Don't mean I'm real. 789 00:40:40,967 --> 00:40:43,000 Oh, God. 790 00:40:43,100 --> 00:40:46,300 So, what happens now? 791 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:50,800 How do I know if it's the pearly gates or eternal damnation? 792 00:40:50,900 --> 00:40:52,000 How should I know? 793 00:40:52,100 --> 00:40:53,200 I haven't died yet. 794 00:40:53,300 --> 00:40:56,367 I'm just a figment of your imagination. 795 00:40:56,467 --> 00:40:57,733 Who's that? 796 00:40:57,833 --> 00:40:58,800 Big Dennis. 797 00:40:58,900 --> 00:41:00,000 Hello, Dennis. 798 00:41:00,100 --> 00:41:03,667 Torchy, we called him after the fire. 799 00:41:03,767 --> 00:41:05,000 Thank fuck he can't see me. 800 00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:05,900 [smack] 801 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,400 Ah! 802 00:41:07,500 --> 00:41:09,067 [smacks] 803 00:41:09,167 --> 00:41:12,067 You said I had no physical form. 804 00:41:12,167 --> 00:41:13,733 What do I know? 805 00:41:13,833 --> 00:41:16,600 Who the fuck are you talking to? 806 00:41:16,700 --> 00:41:19,433 Ah! 807 00:41:19,533 --> 00:41:22,267 Fuck! 808 00:41:22,367 --> 00:41:23,433 Told you. 809 00:41:23,533 --> 00:41:24,367 There is a god. 810 00:41:27,933 --> 00:41:28,767 Is that it? 811 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,267 Don't be silly. 812 00:41:35,367 --> 00:41:36,733 You should be ashamed of yourself. 813 00:41:36,833 --> 00:41:38,133 You're exploiting women. 814 00:41:38,233 --> 00:41:41,000 They'd be on the streets otherwise. 815 00:41:41,100 --> 00:41:42,167 What's this? 816 00:41:42,267 --> 00:41:43,367 It's for running the cards through. 817 00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:45,700 Yvonne sold it me wi' carbon, 100 quid. 818 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,200 I'm rubbish with cash. 819 00:41:47,300 --> 00:41:48,733 It's all chip and pin these days, Lilian. 820 00:41:48,833 --> 00:41:50,167 Banks don't use this any more. 821 00:41:50,267 --> 00:41:52,467 So you haven't made one penny profit. 822 00:41:52,567 --> 00:41:54,433 Which also means she hasn't committed a crime. 823 00:41:54,533 --> 00:41:55,267 What? 824 00:41:55,367 --> 00:41:56,567 What about the other evidence? 825 00:41:56,667 --> 00:41:58,667 What about the neighbor's photos, the log? 826 00:41:58,767 --> 00:42:01,767 Without any proof to back it up, it's just hearsay. 827 00:42:01,867 --> 00:42:05,533 [feminine laughter] 828 00:42:05,633 --> 00:42:07,667 Result being, though, you lot having made no money. 829 00:42:20,900 --> 00:42:21,733 How are you feeling? 830 00:42:27,067 --> 00:42:28,100 Don't know. 831 00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:31,600 Mandy, listen. 832 00:42:34,867 --> 00:42:37,733 I'm so sorry. 833 00:42:37,833 --> 00:42:40,433 I lost sight. 834 00:42:40,533 --> 00:42:43,300 Uni is full of kids with no worries, 835 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,000 free to do whatever they want. 836 00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:49,733 And I forgot what's important. 837 00:42:49,833 --> 00:42:52,433 You and Kay are what's important. 838 00:42:52,533 --> 00:42:54,967 We'll knock the open relationship on the head. 839 00:42:55,067 --> 00:42:57,333 I'm going to quit Uni and catch up. 840 00:42:57,433 --> 00:42:58,267 Stay here. 841 00:42:58,367 --> 00:42:59,467 You fuck. 842 00:42:59,567 --> 00:43:01,433 You'll go back. 843 00:43:01,533 --> 00:43:03,533 I'm not having you use me as an excuse for failing. 844 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:11,600 You know I love you, don't you? 845 00:43:11,700 --> 00:43:14,300 Of course I do. 846 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:15,233 Good. 847 00:43:18,100 --> 00:43:20,300 Because that's how I finished. 848 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:21,233 No, Mandy. 849 00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:22,867 I couldn't give a toss about Alex. 850 00:43:22,967 --> 00:43:23,933 I know that. 851 00:43:24,033 --> 00:43:25,600 But that's not the point. 852 00:43:25,700 --> 00:43:27,233 If it's not her, it would be somebody else. 853 00:43:27,333 --> 00:43:28,667 No, it won't. I promise. 854 00:43:28,767 --> 00:43:29,767 It will, Lip. 855 00:43:29,867 --> 00:43:32,233 I know for a fact. 856 00:43:32,333 --> 00:43:35,067 You could have slept with 20 girls over that three months. 857 00:43:35,167 --> 00:43:36,867 But you didn't. 858 00:43:36,967 --> 00:43:38,067 You stopped with one. 859 00:43:38,167 --> 00:43:39,500 I was stupid. 860 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,233 Just listen to me. 861 00:43:41,333 --> 00:43:45,267 It's not about jealousy or blame. 862 00:43:45,367 --> 00:43:47,333 It's about what you want. 863 00:43:49,967 --> 00:43:54,833 And in your fantasy, there is no me. 864 00:43:54,933 --> 00:43:56,100 And there's no Katie. 865 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:57,500 That's not true. 866 00:43:57,600 --> 00:43:59,067 How many people at Uni know you've got a daughter? 867 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:07,433 Your life's out there now. 868 00:44:07,533 --> 00:44:10,100 Alex was right. 869 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,000 You don't belong here anymore. 870 00:44:18,667 --> 00:44:21,700 Go back to Uni till Easter. 871 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,333 You can visit Katie then. 872 00:44:27,433 --> 00:44:30,800 She'll always be your daughter. 873 00:44:30,900 --> 00:44:32,567 You need to go. 874 00:44:32,667 --> 00:44:34,733 Mandy, please, don't. 875 00:44:34,833 --> 00:44:35,900 Mandy, please. 876 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,000 Mandy. 877 00:44:38,100 --> 00:44:39,067 Fuck's sake. 878 00:44:43,533 --> 00:44:44,667 Hi ya, Mon. 879 00:44:44,767 --> 00:44:47,700 Have you any idea about the worry that you have put 880 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,933 me through these last 24 hours? 881 00:44:50,033 --> 00:44:50,933 You get to go. 882 00:44:51,033 --> 00:44:52,067 You? 883 00:44:52,167 --> 00:44:53,633 What about me? 884 00:44:53,733 --> 00:44:57,233 Death sentence followed by an unprovoked and savage assault. 885 00:44:57,333 --> 00:44:59,600 Well, I hope it's knocked some sense into you. 886 00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:05,833 Just-- the doctor said? 887 00:45:05,933 --> 00:45:08,367 There is nothing wrong with your heart. 888 00:45:08,467 --> 00:45:10,233 They've been running tests all morning. 889 00:45:12,967 --> 00:45:15,100 It's not-- but they phoned you. 890 00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,367 My mistake. 891 00:45:16,467 --> 00:45:18,967 They weren't calling about your dicky ticker. 892 00:45:19,067 --> 00:45:22,367 They were calling about your dicky cock. 893 00:45:22,467 --> 00:45:26,333 Cooling cream to stop you little man from going all scabby. 894 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,400 Hey, aortic fucking stenosis. 895 00:45:35,500 --> 00:45:38,433 My heart is stronger than Popeye in a spinach factory. 896 00:45:38,533 --> 00:45:41,033 What medical school did you go to? 897 00:45:41,133 --> 00:45:42,600 You are going to have a malpractice 898 00:45:42,700 --> 00:45:43,967 suit so far up your-- 899 00:45:44,067 --> 00:45:45,233 I'm not a doctor. 900 00:45:45,333 --> 00:45:47,233 I never said I was. 901 00:45:47,333 --> 00:45:48,567 What? 902 00:45:48,667 --> 00:45:50,733 I came to see if you were all right and you just assumed. 903 00:45:53,733 --> 00:45:56,333 That's bollocks. 904 00:45:56,433 --> 00:46:00,000 What about notifying family afterwards? 905 00:46:00,100 --> 00:46:03,567 As far as I know, NFA means no fixed abode. 906 00:46:03,667 --> 00:46:05,300 You were in such a state when you came in, 907 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,633 they could hardly get a name out of you, let alone an address. 908 00:46:12,433 --> 00:46:15,200 So what's your fucking game? 909 00:46:15,300 --> 00:46:17,033 Hanging about hospitals, trying to scare the living 910 00:46:17,133 --> 00:46:18,133 shit out of everybody. 911 00:46:18,233 --> 00:46:19,400 Waking the dead. 912 00:46:19,500 --> 00:46:20,933 If you see a bright light, walk towards it. 913 00:46:21,033 --> 00:46:22,567 That was my husband you were heckling. 914 00:46:22,667 --> 00:46:24,967 Why should I have shown you any courtesy? 915 00:46:25,067 --> 00:46:26,400 Well, there's a difference between courtesy 916 00:46:26,500 --> 00:46:28,000 and telling a body they're going to die. 917 00:46:28,100 --> 00:46:30,500 I was tending to my husband when you woke up. 918 00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:37,167 So what's wrong with him? 919 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:42,733 He has aortic stenosis. 920 00:46:48,700 --> 00:46:49,500 So he's dying. 921 00:46:58,100 --> 00:47:00,467 Hey, mate. 922 00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:05,200 Hey, I know exactly what you're going through. 923 00:47:05,300 --> 00:47:08,833 I tell you, there's fuck all to worry about. 924 00:47:08,933 --> 00:47:10,067 Yeah. 925 00:47:10,167 --> 00:47:12,467 So what if a I never peaked. 926 00:47:12,567 --> 00:47:13,800 I was here. 927 00:47:13,900 --> 00:47:16,833 I've lived. 928 00:47:16,933 --> 00:47:21,200 Am I a rogue and peasant slave, a muddy-mettled rascal? 929 00:47:21,300 --> 00:47:22,767 Who gives a shit? 930 00:47:22,867 --> 00:47:24,200 What did fucking Shakespeare know? 931 00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:27,467 He never even wrote most of them plays. 932 00:47:27,567 --> 00:47:30,700 So what if I'm not an astronaut or prime minister 933 00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:32,000 or a football player. 934 00:47:32,100 --> 00:47:34,933 I am Vernon Francis Gallagher. 935 00:47:35,033 --> 00:47:39,067 I came, I saw, I drank the fucking lot. 936 00:47:39,167 --> 00:47:41,233 [theme music] 937 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:26,367 And finally, something I've always guarded with my life, 938 00:48:26,467 --> 00:48:31,400 and I hope won't sully your memory of me. 939 00:48:31,500 --> 00:48:34,867 Monica, at your 21st birthday party, 940 00:48:34,967 --> 00:48:37,933 when you were passed out on the coats, I shagged your mother. 941 00:48:38,033 --> 00:48:40,533 God rest her soul. 942 00:48:40,633 --> 00:48:43,500 I was wasted, but she wasn't, dirty cow. 943 00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:48,700 Anyhow, the upshot is, you that surprise late baby that 944 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:51,067 your mom and dad never planned? 945 00:48:51,167 --> 00:48:53,667 You know, your little sister? 946 00:48:53,767 --> 00:49:00,767 Well, technically, she's also your stepdaughter. 947 00:49:00,867 --> 00:49:02,667 The End.