1 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:10,267 Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express. 2 00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:11,633 Come and watch [inaudible]. 3 00:00:11,733 --> 00:00:13,800 He's making a mess of the lives they were given by 4 00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:16,100 and what was [inaudible]. 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,900 And kids, they're convinced actually theirs. 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:26,000 What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing mommy. 7 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,333 Or wives in your face. 8 00:00:28,433 --> 00:00:31,567 Because it's people reckon and me included. 9 00:00:31,667 --> 00:00:34,933 These are my mom's groups kind the invented. 10 00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:37,467 The Camisole downstream going mental. 11 00:00:37,567 --> 00:00:43,233 These are Chatsworth Estates basic essentials. 12 00:00:43,333 --> 00:00:48,967 We are worth every penny we grind in your axes. 13 00:00:49,067 --> 00:00:54,400 what you shall not have bought you pay the taxes. 14 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,967 Imagine it without [inaudible] and buccanneers. 15 00:00:58,067 --> 00:01:02,167 who will come in your face of the price of a beer. 16 00:01:02,267 --> 00:01:20,067 Policy history she now she 17 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,233 Photographs can do the total opposite 18 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:23,567 of jogging your memory. 19 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,233 The second you press [inaudible] you sacrifice 20 00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:29,267 the right to recollections. 21 00:01:29,367 --> 00:01:31,367 You can stare at a picture till doomsday 22 00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:33,700 but you won't smell smells, won't hear voices. 23 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:37,400 And all the rumpy pumpous surrounding the snapshot. 24 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,567 They say the camera never lies. 25 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:45,267 Photos don't claim any memory beyond the thin white rims. 26 00:01:45,367 --> 00:01:46,567 I wish I'd known this earlier. 27 00:01:52,233 --> 00:01:55,967 We did not enjoy the horrors of childbirth seven times 28 00:01:56,067 --> 00:01:57,900 to populate this lonely planet. 29 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,467 And I did not work my fingers to the bone. 30 00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:02,833 Both inside and outside! 31 00:02:02,933 --> 00:02:04,967 Put it right on our table! 32 00:02:05,067 --> 00:02:09,433 Norma, zigzag through the most hamfisted civil war in history 33 00:02:09,533 --> 00:02:13,000 to have to take it right up the shitter! 34 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,233 Paying for these devil's dildos! 35 00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:21,833 You're up [inaudible] hours doing crossword. 36 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,333 Zambia won't be cheap, will it? 37 00:02:23,433 --> 00:02:24,533 [shouting] 38 00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:27,367 Yeah, well, she's my sister, and I miss her. 39 00:02:27,467 --> 00:02:30,367 And nobody should have to pay to speak to a fuckin' nun! 40 00:02:42,233 --> 00:02:45,167 Not their fault you've not been invited. 41 00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:46,700 It's Izzy's funeral. 42 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,967 Me, at Izzy Ahmed's funeral? 43 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,900 Shane says he poached my slot machines racket 44 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,267 while I'm in the slammer. 45 00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:53,600 Hm? 46 00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,600 Same Izzy Ahmed I lent 10 grand to to pay for his wedding. 47 00:02:56,700 --> 00:03:00,333 The cellmate who saved your life from the rotunda? 48 00:03:00,433 --> 00:03:02,000 Now dead. 49 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,067 Izzy. 50 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,167 Making him the second one. 51 00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:06,567 Bam! 52 00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:08,067 God-- 53 00:03:08,167 --> 00:03:09,867 Ring Cenista. 54 00:03:09,967 --> 00:03:12,333 Ask her if you can go. 55 00:03:12,433 --> 00:03:13,167 Can't. 56 00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:14,267 Don't know where my phone is. 57 00:03:23,067 --> 00:03:25,467 Haven't got a suit black enough. 58 00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:26,967 They're Indians. 59 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:29,233 You have the shade [inaudible]. 60 00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:30,467 They'd love you for. 61 00:03:41,933 --> 00:03:43,100 Plus, new rule-- 62 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,933 elbows off the table while the telly's on. 63 00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:47,467 Starting Monday. 64 00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:51,933 Now, everybody gone before I sit down for a bit of me time. 65 00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:53,433 Fuck. 66 00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:54,467 What's up? 67 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,400 Well, for a unit up at full bursary. 68 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:58,333 All three. 69 00:03:58,433 --> 00:03:59,667 So is that it? 70 00:03:59,767 --> 00:04:00,767 Going to Durham? 71 00:04:00,867 --> 00:04:01,700 When? 72 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:02,633 Nottingham. 73 00:04:02,733 --> 00:04:04,000 We decided. 74 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:07,067 Council students on full bursary statistically 75 00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:09,200 are more likely to die under the age of 25. 76 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,033 Ian! 77 00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:11,333 That's horrible. 78 00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:12,600 They're not used to the money. 79 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:13,633 Always waving it about. 80 00:04:13,733 --> 00:04:15,133 Magnets for muggings. 81 00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:18,867 So the cost nosedives, plus straight back to council 07. 82 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,233 Why is that going to kill anyone? 83 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:22,467 Getting swatted for all the mess they left behind. 84 00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:24,533 Different accents, and using big words. 85 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,467 Well done, mate. 86 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:39,533 And you. 87 00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:42,067 Come here. 88 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:44,367 You told me these were our rejections. 89 00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:45,100 So, what? 90 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,500 They changed their minds? 91 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:48,833 All three? 92 00:04:48,933 --> 00:04:50,500 Or were you just bullshitting me? 93 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,333 Because if you were, we need to talk about this. 94 00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:54,367 Cause I'm feeling a bit left out. 95 00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:56,333 I wasn't going to go if I didn't get the money. 96 00:04:58,633 --> 00:04:59,467 Which meant-- 97 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,600 I told him to. 98 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:01,600 We know. 99 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:02,533 We all do. 100 00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:11,667 We're not struggling just for my sake. 101 00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:12,600 Yeah. 102 00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:14,800 How clever is he, then? 103 00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,467 Tell your daddy how proud you are. 104 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,367 Of your daddy. 105 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,533 Why you's all crying? 106 00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:35,767 It's what you wanted. 107 00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:45,033 I mean, how's a guy not feel threatened by mortality? 108 00:05:45,133 --> 00:05:47,167 When he's lost two of his closest friends 109 00:05:47,267 --> 00:05:49,800 and worst tenants within the space of a month. 110 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:50,733 Could you? 111 00:05:54,433 --> 00:06:00,133 What I meant earlier was it's possible that you're 112 00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:01,500 in the throes of a depression-- 113 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,133 What you said was dangerously offensive to a man 114 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,067 of my constitution! 115 00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:05,967 Depressed? 116 00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:08,567 For fuck's sake! 117 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:14,400 I-- I think what I meant was a depression by proxy. 118 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,567 A pretend depression, if you will. 119 00:06:20,333 --> 00:06:21,733 What What kind of stunt's required to fix 120 00:06:21,833 --> 00:06:22,700 this little fucker then, eh? 121 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,933 Uh, antidepressants. 122 00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:30,200 But, um-- placebo-esque ones. 123 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:35,433 For pretend depression by proxy. 124 00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:38,967 Right you are. 125 00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:40,100 Thank you. 126 00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:43,833 Truth being, Mrs. Ahmed. 127 00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:45,267 I heard about your son within a fortnight 128 00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:47,367 of Felix Fawcett's demise. 129 00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:49,567 Bloke says the Iranian I shared a cell with. 130 00:06:52,433 --> 00:06:55,000 Like Three Musketeers we were, the four of us. 131 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,900 Me, Felix, as black as you like. 132 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,033 Ronnie Cohen, the only Jew castigated 133 00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,900 for making good money, and your beautiful Izzy. 134 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,200 Hm? 135 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,567 Nights on end talking about finding the right girl 136 00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:10,867 he would marry. Ah. 137 00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:12,733 All three so alike. 138 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,600 Uncannily alike when it came to unpaid debts and treading 139 00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,833 on my business toes. 140 00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:20,133 No ill of the dead intended, Ahmed, eh? 141 00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,267 First among equals, your Izzy. 142 00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:25,733 Ergo drowning with dignity in the privacy 143 00:07:25,833 --> 00:07:26,867 of his own bathroom. 144 00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:27,800 Hm? 145 00:07:32,033 --> 00:07:33,000 You're joking, aren't you? 146 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,533 He can't see mine. It's yours. 147 00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:36,567 But we have to if your mom's not coming. 148 00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:37,533 I'm hoping he's not coming. 149 00:07:37,633 --> 00:07:39,433 Not if he brings that nutter he sees. 150 00:07:39,533 --> 00:07:40,833 Jut like Chris Miles in a jumpsuit. 151 00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:43,700 Hey, listen, it doesn't really matter who comes, anyway. 152 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,767 No one's going to be looking at anyone but the bride. 153 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,267 Especially me. 154 00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:52,333 Oi! 155 00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:54,467 You're supposed to be doing the barrels. 156 00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:55,200 Mm. 157 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,733 Where am I sitting, then? 158 00:07:59,533 --> 00:08:01,067 I'm above it. 159 00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:03,633 Just put me name on your furniture when you split up. 160 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,967 Only give me long enough to save a couple of hundred quid. 161 00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:09,533 [laughter] 162 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,067 [knocking] 163 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,767 [laughter on television] 164 00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:42,667 Sorry. 165 00:08:47,967 --> 00:08:49,967 Not a chance without the remote call. 166 00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:51,967 You can reach controls from here? 167 00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:53,567 I watch telly in bed. 168 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,067 Another 20 and I'll find you a Sky dish, 169 00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,200 and I'll get you a state's reach of buttons. 170 00:09:03,633 --> 00:09:06,933 Why the hurry? 171 00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:09,333 Please 172 00:09:09,433 --> 00:09:10,233 All right. 173 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,267 One condition. 174 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:19,633 You make sure your mom hears about this. 175 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:22,133 You must tell her that I gave you double that. 176 00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:26,867 I've stopped her pocket money cause "Wezel" 177 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,033 kept catching it off her. 178 00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,333 I mean, I know he's your dad, but she 179 00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,000 must hate herself to let that bedridden 180 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:33,667 fuck anywhere near her. 181 00:09:33,767 --> 00:09:35,733 Do us a favor in the meantime. 182 00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:38,733 And you say it loud and clear. 183 00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,600 Norma is doing up this van. 184 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,800 Splashing out. 185 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:43,767 What the shit? 186 00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:48,067 Well, she thinks I've stopped her spends because I'm skint, 187 00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:51,567 but she needs showing that what's mine is hers. 188 00:09:51,667 --> 00:09:55,233 But not until she puts that mongrel asleep. 189 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,100 Spend it on a flat of your own. 190 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,267 I'm not budging from here until she leaves with me. 191 00:09:59,367 --> 00:10:01,600 Which might not happen until I tidy me act up. 192 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,300 Give her a reason to look at me twice. 193 00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:15,100 Sorry, I-- Ta. 194 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:33,767 [shouting] 195 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,333 Who would you tell first if you was in the shit? 196 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,000 Deep shit. 197 00:10:56,533 --> 00:10:58,367 Running out of time, so you can't breathe properly. 198 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,333 Not long here I'll be going. 199 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,700 What the fuck happened to our Carl? 200 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,733 He's quiet without Lip. 201 00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:14,367 And then, anybody seen Carl? 202 00:11:14,467 --> 00:11:16,367 It's a lot. 203 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,267 A lot quieter. 204 00:11:22,033 --> 00:11:24,300 You can't lend us 500 by Friday, can ya? 205 00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,000 [shouting] 206 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,467 What kinda shit did they mix this stuff with? 207 00:11:36,567 --> 00:11:39,400 Go on, make us a brew. 208 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,000 And stop frowning. 209 00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:52,000 [singing "ave maria"] 210 00:12:28,433 --> 00:12:30,567 [clapping] 211 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,667 Ah, if there's no place in Heaven for you's 212 00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:34,567 lot when the time comes, someone's getting a punch 213 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:35,933 in the knickers from me. 214 00:12:36,033 --> 00:12:36,933 Tell 'em I said so. 215 00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:38,133 Whoops. 216 00:12:38,233 --> 00:12:39,267 If you hadn't seen the state of them, 217 00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,700 they could have been angels. 218 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,733 But seriously, the first time my hair stood on end. 219 00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:45,000 Are you lot sisters? 220 00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:47,700 We're all at Roswell. 221 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,967 Rehabilitation Defenders Showcase, down Wellington Road? 222 00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,633 Well, in that case you should be extra proud of yourselves. 223 00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:55,000 Right. 224 00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,300 Sizes, so the seamstress can cut the patterns out. 225 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,800 Who's first? 226 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,733 Why didn't you tell me it switched? 227 00:13:00,833 --> 00:13:01,667 Mom told-- 228 00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:03,300 Remember, outside boots. 229 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,533 When I went, singers had a change of plan. 230 00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:07,767 Bad news for Aunt Hillary. 231 00:13:07,867 --> 00:13:09,600 She's been summoned to Crown Court. 232 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:13,867 And you went, is Angela the scraggy ginger deaf one? 233 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:14,967 Karen, you didn't! 234 00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:15,933 - And I said, yeah. - Dickhead. 235 00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:17,367 No! 236 00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:18,733 But I think she'd prefer little red headed stunner 237 00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:20,333 with a hearing impairment. 238 00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:25,333 We'd better shoot if you don't miss the start again. 239 00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:26,100 Keys, Mickey. 240 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,167 And a lid for Karen. 241 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:32,667 Watch that [inaudible]. 242 00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:34,033 It's running low on juice. 243 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:39,000 Hey, I'd think twice before singing at his wedding. 244 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,900 This mug's a probation office officer now. 245 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,033 Training to be. 246 00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:43,133 My brother, a probation officer? 247 00:13:43,233 --> 00:13:44,233 That's embarrassing. 248 00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:45,433 Till one of us changes his mind. 249 00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:06,433 Is it all right paying you next week for this gear? 250 00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:07,700 Mom's cool about it. 251 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,133 Will you stop talking to me like a total stranger? 252 00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:11,700 Just don't be caught retailing. 253 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,533 You see, you've been doing that for years. 254 00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:15,267 I've found more scaggs than Longford. 255 00:14:15,367 --> 00:14:17,567 Teaching dozy pregs how not to get caught 256 00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:18,900 is economic imperative. 257 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,900 I can't operate franchises with a labor force in prison. 258 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,100 No comparison to the scale of defection you're contemplating. 259 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,567 I need you to know that I love you-- 260 00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:30,700 more than words could ever describe. 261 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,000 I'm sorry about your mate, Dad. 262 00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:41,967 How humiliating, huh? 263 00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:42,867 Ignore me. 264 00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:43,800 Shut the door. 265 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,633 Behind you. 266 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,200 A very warm welcome back to our third weekend 267 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,500 of your probation induction course. 268 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,600 At Anderton Lodge, of all places. 269 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:17,767 Ba-dum tsh! 270 00:15:17,867 --> 00:15:18,700 Welcome. 271 00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:22,800 Welcome back. 272 00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:26,133 Particularly special thanks to you wives, husbands, 273 00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:27,233 joining us now. 274 00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:29,533 For dedicating you time and effort 275 00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:30,867 supporting your partners. 276 00:15:30,967 --> 00:15:33,033 Helping them back into the mainstream. 277 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,067 And more importantly, start putting 278 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,700 something back into society. 279 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:41,800 Using their first hand service user experience to hopefully-- 280 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,133 touch wood-- turn one or two scaggs 281 00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:47,267 from our beloved public housing sector 282 00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:49,833 into responsible citizens. 283 00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:51,533 And tax payers. 284 00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:53,133 Swallow that, you'll swallow anything. 285 00:15:53,233 --> 00:15:54,067 Only messing. 286 00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:55,633 Believing it, didn't ya? 287 00:15:55,733 --> 00:15:56,833 Reputation to uphold. 288 00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:57,733 It's only Jamie. 289 00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:58,733 Your mom has got a big-- 290 00:15:58,833 --> 00:15:59,833 Comedy calling. 291 00:15:59,933 --> 00:16:02,000 Uh, I am talking here, Mrs. Maguire. 292 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,600 Uh, so am I, pal. 293 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:11,167 [applause] 294 00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:20,800 Ian? 295 00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:26,133 Somebody after a pint of [inaudible].. 296 00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:28,600 No, it's a pint and two E's. 297 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:30,067 2 quid each. 298 00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:33,433 250 after 10:00. 299 00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:35,833 It's me, now that I am the captain 300 00:16:35,933 --> 00:16:37,567 of this little ship while [inaudible] 301 00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,700 is away on maternity. 302 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,333 With little baby Jason. 303 00:16:42,433 --> 00:16:47,267 Now, who she incubated for profit. 304 00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:49,933 Charging that young couple a fortune. 305 00:16:50,033 --> 00:16:52,100 So can people please stop passing 306 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:57,967 cards at the bar for them to send on without stamps? 307 00:16:58,067 --> 00:17:03,300 (SINGING) Sometimes it's hard to be a woman. 308 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,533 They'll tell you she had 18 stitches. 309 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:06,467 Aw! 310 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,567 Oh, god! 311 00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,000 Is that all? 312 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:13,133 (SINGING) Giving all your love to just one man. 313 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,000 Oh, god, shutting the shop down. 314 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,400 Oh, what? - Banging it in. 315 00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,467 I'm shooting off. 316 00:17:17,567 --> 00:17:19,200 Aw, but you came to see the hypnotist. 317 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,367 He'll be on in a sec. 318 00:17:20,467 --> 00:17:22,667 Yeah, and he'll kill you there, dyke. 319 00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,067 Regress to a past life. 320 00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:27,133 Jackal with two dicks and one eye. 321 00:17:27,233 --> 00:17:29,467 When I've just got you a drink in. 322 00:17:29,567 --> 00:17:31,033 Don't be a giver upper. 323 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,667 Well, if you're twisting me arm, like. 324 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:42,833 (SINGING) And tell the world you love him. 325 00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:46,367 I think you're in pain, Norma. 326 00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:48,467 Get the chocolate clown up! 327 00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:56,167 (SINGING) Stand by your man! 328 00:17:56,267 --> 00:17:57,733 FRANK: Money pays off. 329 00:17:57,833 --> 00:18:00,267 [applause] 330 00:18:09,567 --> 00:18:10,933 What if you weren't just starting 331 00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:13,600 the van up to sit here waiting, but actually 332 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,133 making it drivable? 333 00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:17,933 As if any second now you'll be setting off somewhere else. 334 00:18:18,033 --> 00:18:19,400 Somewhere brilliant. 335 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,533 Like America. 336 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,967 Well, it's not mine to drive off. 337 00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:27,333 Exactly. 338 00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:30,433 But if you give us a oner for the [inaudible],, 339 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,300 you can say you're driving through Texas. 340 00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:36,700 Yours for a oner, but I need the money by Friday. 341 00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:00,067 Get fucked. 342 00:20:00,167 --> 00:20:01,000 Beg pardon. 343 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:03,600 I didn't mean you. 344 00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:05,833 Mom! 345 00:20:05,933 --> 00:20:07,400 What's Norma doing the van up for? 346 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,767 To go to Texas? 347 00:20:08,867 --> 00:20:11,067 If you're saying stupid stuff cause you're sleep walking, 348 00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:12,200 I'll have to fetch somebody else. 349 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:13,367 Because it freaks me out. 350 00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:14,267 Naw. 351 00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:15,567 She is. 352 00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:16,600 Texas. 353 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,167 With that blonde boo with the big tits. 354 00:20:19,267 --> 00:20:20,800 See her sneaking in and out sometimes. 355 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,000 She a mate of yours? 356 00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:25,267 Probably. 357 00:20:52,533 --> 00:20:54,500 Who have you been seeing at four in the morning? 358 00:20:58,067 --> 00:20:59,167 Finding a petrol station. 359 00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:00,567 You filled it when we set off. 360 00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:07,833 Not with, uh-- 361 00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:10,400 rubbers. 362 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,700 Chocolates. 363 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,667 And, uh, most importantly-- 364 00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:19,567 wrapping paper. 365 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:20,933 What is it? 366 00:21:21,033 --> 00:21:22,567 Well, the whole point to traveling miles 367 00:21:22,667 --> 00:21:26,267 was to keep you guessing a little bit longer. 368 00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:27,267 Go on. 369 00:21:48,467 --> 00:21:52,833 We don't do the rings yet, you knob. 370 00:21:52,933 --> 00:21:55,033 This one's allowed any time. 371 00:21:55,133 --> 00:21:56,000 Eternity ring. 372 00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:57,400 Wow. 373 00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:01,233 I've never known what eternity rings meant before. 374 00:22:01,333 --> 00:22:03,267 I know what the word means. 375 00:22:03,367 --> 00:22:06,233 You're mad sometimes, you. 376 00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:07,967 God, this is doing my head in. 377 00:22:08,067 --> 00:22:09,067 Hey. 378 00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:16,900 This is yours. 379 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,933 From me. 380 00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:20,033 For life. 381 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:23,800 Forever. 382 00:22:36,767 --> 00:22:39,300 Oh, man. 383 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,233 Yo. 384 00:22:48,933 --> 00:22:49,767 Mom? 385 00:22:49,867 --> 00:22:50,767 Do you mind? 386 00:22:55,433 --> 00:22:56,733 Do you mind? 387 00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:57,733 Mom! 388 00:22:57,833 --> 00:22:58,867 Fuck's sake, Carl. 389 00:22:58,967 --> 00:22:59,833 Grow up. 390 00:22:59,933 --> 00:23:02,567 And put some weight on. 391 00:23:02,667 --> 00:23:03,933 Cow! 392 00:23:04,033 --> 00:23:04,900 What? 393 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,467 Cow! 394 00:23:06,567 --> 00:23:07,467 Cow? 395 00:23:07,567 --> 00:23:08,967 What? 396 00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:10,200 Know what? 397 00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:13,633 You can all get fucked, eat shit, and die. 398 00:23:13,733 --> 00:23:16,800 Cause I ain't gonna be here much longer. 399 00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:17,700 Hey-- 400 00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:24,600 Not that I'm bitching about your estimate. 401 00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:26,567 Because you know I'm a great believer in you 402 00:23:26,667 --> 00:23:27,967 get what you pay for. 403 00:23:28,067 --> 00:23:32,567 It's just, you know, I expect it to be perfect for that price. 404 00:23:32,667 --> 00:23:33,667 Have you seen this? 405 00:23:33,767 --> 00:23:35,800 She's spending money like it's fucking water. 406 00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:37,267 Is that all you ever think about? 407 00:23:37,367 --> 00:23:38,200 Money? 408 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,400 Well-- well, you said that she was totally obsessed with ya. 409 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,167 Well, of course she is. It's as plain as day. 410 00:23:45,267 --> 00:23:46,867 Right, well, just-- 411 00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:48,900 just tell her that you need more proof. 412 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,000 Enough to get us by till Friday. - [sigh] 413 00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:52,067 Go on. 414 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:55,333 Oh! 415 00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:56,333 Fuck, no, wait. 416 00:23:56,433 --> 00:23:57,233 Wait. 417 00:23:59,833 --> 00:24:02,133 Oh. 418 00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:06,133 Just-- just get out there and get some spends. 419 00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:13,667 Now, look-- where is your lipstick? 420 00:24:13,767 --> 00:24:17,000 I've fucking turned into Super Nanny now. 421 00:24:17,100 --> 00:24:19,000 I'm a fan of first impressions. 422 00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:21,933 I'm telling you, Norma, this little home-- 423 00:24:22,033 --> 00:24:23,733 I can turn it into a palace. 424 00:24:23,833 --> 00:24:24,933 [knocking] 425 00:24:25,033 --> 00:24:26,333 Knock knock. 426 00:24:26,433 --> 00:24:27,533 Heard voices. 427 00:24:27,633 --> 00:24:28,800 Just thought I'd check you're not being burgled. 428 00:24:32,667 --> 00:24:34,067 [inaudible]. 429 00:24:34,167 --> 00:24:35,133 We don't stare. 430 00:24:37,933 --> 00:24:40,367 Something I learn to get used to. 431 00:24:40,467 --> 00:24:45,400 After 9/11, we are all potential terrorists. 432 00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,633 Couldn't lend us 30, could you? 433 00:24:47,733 --> 00:24:49,033 Get food for the kiddies. 434 00:24:49,133 --> 00:24:50,000 How many kids? 435 00:24:50,100 --> 00:24:51,200 Six. 436 00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:53,100 Mostly underweight. 437 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,033 I'd hate to impose. 438 00:24:54,133 --> 00:24:55,467 Say if you're skint. 439 00:25:05,933 --> 00:25:07,233 Top hat and tails. 440 00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:10,333 Anyway, I look like an overdressed undertaker. 441 00:25:10,433 --> 00:25:13,000 If Karen is having a scarlet wedding dress, 442 00:25:13,100 --> 00:25:15,533 you want something a bit more cocked and formal. 443 00:25:15,633 --> 00:25:18,900 I had to get wed in a turquoise twin set. 444 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,567 Top were turquoise, pants were purple. 445 00:25:22,667 --> 00:25:23,933 I burned all the [inaudible] 446 00:25:24,033 --> 00:25:25,900 The scarlet thing-- 447 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,500 that's just for the bridesmaids. 448 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,533 Bridesmaid, you said? 449 00:25:30,633 --> 00:25:31,667 I hope so. 450 00:25:31,767 --> 00:25:33,900 The family that got me this is on remand now. 451 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:34,800 The bride. 452 00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:36,867 And scarlet? 453 00:25:36,967 --> 00:25:38,033 [inaudible] fucking harlot. 454 00:25:38,133 --> 00:25:39,500 Tell me somebody's taking the piss. 455 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,800 I want to get married in white. 456 00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:43,567 Just white. 457 00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:44,967 It was your idea. 458 00:25:45,067 --> 00:25:46,067 No it wasn't, Mimi. 459 00:25:48,767 --> 00:25:50,700 When? 460 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,300 I meant it was his idea. 461 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,567 Me? 462 00:25:53,667 --> 00:25:56,400 I says to you how our new [inaudible] going to look 463 00:25:56,500 --> 00:26:00,300 fabulous in your white organza, and you went quiet 464 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,233 on account of white organza, reminding 465 00:26:03,333 --> 00:26:05,800 you of less happy occasions. 466 00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:07,767 i.e. what your dear mother insisted 467 00:26:07,867 --> 00:26:09,167 on wearing to be buried in. 468 00:26:11,767 --> 00:26:12,733 Yeah? 469 00:26:12,833 --> 00:26:14,333 I told you that? 470 00:26:14,433 --> 00:26:15,667 Et cetera. 471 00:26:15,767 --> 00:26:18,033 Unless, of course, you never meant a bleeding word of it. 472 00:26:18,133 --> 00:26:20,033 Because it's truer than he thinks. 473 00:26:20,133 --> 00:26:22,600 Patrick Maguire can't hold his ale anymore. 474 00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:25,433 [laughter] 475 00:26:28,900 --> 00:26:29,767 Is that it? 476 00:26:33,967 --> 00:26:37,533 Can this one manage without the doorbell on the big day? 477 00:26:37,633 --> 00:26:39,833 Or this that gonna bugger up your [inaudible]?? 478 00:26:39,933 --> 00:26:43,000 [high pitched screaming] 479 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:49,100 Oh, bugger! 480 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,900 This isn't funny, Jamie! 481 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,600 It's pathetic. 482 00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:55,433 What, your blokes [inaudible] ring around ya? 483 00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,567 It's only a dress. 484 00:27:02,567 --> 00:27:04,733 Shouldn't anybody think for themselves? 485 00:27:04,833 --> 00:27:07,567 Because the family falls apart when they try to. 486 00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:09,333 She's just a low rate, loud mouth drug 487 00:27:09,433 --> 00:27:12,233 dealing in a shitty little dump like this. 488 00:27:12,333 --> 00:27:14,367 Charging over the odds, more than people can afford, 489 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:17,267 ripping people off, scaring people shitless till they 490 00:27:17,367 --> 00:27:18,400 hate her fucking guts! 491 00:27:34,433 --> 00:27:36,733 What have you fucked out for them? 492 00:27:36,833 --> 00:27:39,333 You get what you pay for. 493 00:27:39,433 --> 00:27:40,100 Right, you two. 494 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,467 Inside for your tea. 495 00:27:41,567 --> 00:27:44,533 Chips again, I'm afraid, but it's all I can afford. 496 00:27:49,133 --> 00:27:51,233 Just have to hope my lucky numbers 497 00:27:51,333 --> 00:27:53,067 come up in the rollover draw. 498 00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:01,800 Where's the chips, then? 499 00:28:01,900 --> 00:28:02,733 Nearly ready. 500 00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:04,267 Just need peeling. 501 00:28:04,367 --> 00:28:05,167 Carl? 502 00:28:12,067 --> 00:28:13,067 Hey! 503 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:16,433 Hey! 504 00:28:19,333 --> 00:28:21,533 I know it needs plugging in. 505 00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:22,533 To do what? 506 00:28:22,633 --> 00:28:24,933 I don't know exactly, but resale's 80. 507 00:28:25,033 --> 00:28:26,867 Yours for 30. 508 00:28:26,967 --> 00:28:28,800 Which is-- 509 00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:29,767 Shit. 510 00:28:29,867 --> 00:28:30,800 Hello, Yvonne. 511 00:28:30,900 --> 00:28:31,933 Best price for a bottle of bubbly 512 00:28:32,033 --> 00:28:33,433 for the hard working civil service. 513 00:28:33,533 --> 00:28:36,200 Uh, if you're not too snobby, I've got the Bosnian stuff. 514 00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:38,733 Uh, tenner a piece, or 3 for 30. 515 00:28:38,833 --> 00:28:40,533 Wanna get silly and go for three? 516 00:28:40,633 --> 00:28:41,600 Three apiece, Yvonne. 517 00:28:41,700 --> 00:28:43,067 Somebody's birthday? 518 00:28:43,167 --> 00:28:44,100 Somebody's death. 519 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,267 Ron Cohen, as seen on TV. 520 00:28:47,367 --> 00:28:48,967 Panorama. Welding action. 521 00:28:49,067 --> 00:28:50,200 The lot. 522 00:28:50,300 --> 00:28:52,200 Most hard faced landlord to walk this town. 523 00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:54,567 Owned half of Chadwick Green. 524 00:28:54,667 --> 00:28:59,467 The knobs say poisoning from his own central heating. 525 00:28:59,567 --> 00:29:00,433 Cheers, mate. 526 00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:08,100 Where'd you get this? 527 00:29:11,367 --> 00:29:12,600 Shit. 528 00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:14,233 A-- a customer left it. 529 00:29:17,867 --> 00:29:20,600 You know, I tried preordering and they said 12 week wait. 530 00:29:20,700 --> 00:29:21,900 How much? 531 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,433 Oh, well, they retail at over 90, 532 00:29:23,533 --> 00:29:26,700 but if you join the Christmas club with 20 quid up front, 533 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:27,833 I could let you have it for 75. 534 00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:28,767 Sold. 535 00:29:28,867 --> 00:29:30,033 We'll check round later. 536 00:29:30,133 --> 00:29:30,933 Brilliant. 537 00:29:31,033 --> 00:29:32,100 See ya. 538 00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:38,600 20 was said, innit? 539 00:29:41,033 --> 00:29:45,333 NEWSCASTER: By legal action on no less than 25 occasions. 540 00:29:45,433 --> 00:29:47,000 One occasion was famously scheduled 541 00:29:47,100 --> 00:29:48,800 for a high court hearing that never made 542 00:29:48,900 --> 00:29:50,200 its day because the plaintiff-- 543 00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:50,967 Paddy? 544 00:29:51,067 --> 00:29:53,700 Hey. 545 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,667 Hey, hey. 546 00:29:55,767 --> 00:29:57,833 What's the matter? 547 00:29:57,933 --> 00:29:58,767 Come on, Paddy. 548 00:30:03,767 --> 00:30:04,667 I'll go get Mimi. 549 00:30:04,767 --> 00:30:05,567 Mimi? 550 00:30:05,667 --> 00:30:06,500 No! 551 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:14,867 Ron Cohen. 552 00:30:14,967 --> 00:30:17,567 Monoxide poisoning. 553 00:30:17,667 --> 00:30:20,467 That's someone seriously taking the piss out of me now. 554 00:30:20,567 --> 00:30:22,033 You know what you need? 555 00:30:22,133 --> 00:30:23,600 You need a drink. 556 00:30:23,700 --> 00:30:25,167 Taxi, please, Yvonne. 557 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,267 I think I've got some easy jet miniatures in the back. 558 00:30:32,367 --> 00:30:33,167 Somewhere. 559 00:30:36,867 --> 00:30:38,067 Ronnie Cohen. 560 00:30:38,167 --> 00:30:40,333 Last time I saw him-- 561 00:30:40,433 --> 00:30:41,467 bowling alley. 562 00:30:41,567 --> 00:30:43,900 Hardcore ding-dong as only close friends can. 563 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,300 Went too far. 564 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:50,567 I know injuries on that scale weren't my intention. 565 00:30:50,667 --> 00:30:51,567 We agreed to truce. 566 00:30:51,667 --> 00:30:54,400 Mutual admirers, keeping our distance. 567 00:30:54,500 --> 00:30:55,700 Him more than me. 568 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,533 He worshipped me. 569 00:30:57,633 --> 00:30:59,000 Third musketeer. 570 00:30:59,100 --> 00:31:01,800 Dying. 571 00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:04,200 Gone! 572 00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:07,633 Carbon monoxide poisoning. 573 00:31:07,733 --> 00:31:10,667 Izzy Ahmed, topped himself. 574 00:31:10,767 --> 00:31:13,500 Felix Fawcett, suicide. 575 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:14,900 I'm really sorry. 576 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,033 How much longer have I got? 577 00:31:20,367 --> 00:31:22,467 I'm the fourth musketeer. 578 00:31:29,933 --> 00:31:33,500 And I don't see Satan stopping at three. 579 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,433 Do you? 580 00:31:37,467 --> 00:31:39,933 So what I was wondering was what 581 00:31:40,033 --> 00:31:44,067 somebody with a wonderful imagination 582 00:31:44,167 --> 00:31:45,400 would think about that. 583 00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:47,033 Well, I'd really want to know how 584 00:31:47,133 --> 00:31:49,033 much you really need to do a parachute 585 00:31:49,133 --> 00:31:50,467 jump before committing here. 586 00:31:50,567 --> 00:31:52,633 This might be the only chance I get where 587 00:31:52,733 --> 00:31:55,467 the time is this right for me. 588 00:31:55,567 --> 00:31:57,833 Can't you nip in and talk about this? 589 00:31:57,933 --> 00:31:59,200 No, not really. 590 00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:02,133 Family and everyone want everything sorting for 'em. 591 00:32:02,233 --> 00:32:04,367 You're the funny money wizard. 592 00:32:04,467 --> 00:32:05,567 The best. 593 00:32:05,667 --> 00:32:08,033 You know you are, so don't get coy with me, missy. 594 00:32:08,133 --> 00:32:09,867 NORMA: I'd want to know exactly how much-- 595 00:32:09,967 --> 00:32:11,233 Oh, don't be like that. 596 00:32:11,333 --> 00:32:13,133 Don't be such a [inaudible]. 597 00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:15,700 Let me hear your sunny side up voice. 598 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:16,667 Mm. 599 00:32:16,767 --> 00:32:17,800 See my tie, Debs? 600 00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:20,033 Imagine me, though, from 1,000 feet. 601 00:32:20,133 --> 00:32:23,000 [doorbell] - Life and limb. 602 00:32:23,100 --> 00:32:23,900 MAN: Hello? 603 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,033 Special delivery. 604 00:32:26,133 --> 00:32:26,967 Could land anywhere. 605 00:32:27,067 --> 00:32:27,900 On top of somebody. 606 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,833 You, maybe. 607 00:32:29,933 --> 00:32:31,800 [screaming] 608 00:32:31,900 --> 00:32:33,333 [crash] 609 00:32:33,433 --> 00:32:34,333 [siren] 610 00:32:34,433 --> 00:32:35,733 [doorbell] 611 00:32:35,833 --> 00:32:37,500 Doesn't stop you winging? 612 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,800 Well, I don't know how much longer I can live without you, 613 00:32:39,900 --> 00:32:41,767 Monica. 614 00:32:41,867 --> 00:32:45,367 The thing is I think it might help get rid of this-- 615 00:32:45,467 --> 00:32:46,133 Ah. 616 00:32:46,233 --> 00:32:47,033 That's for 2A. 617 00:32:47,133 --> 00:32:48,333 She's round the back. 618 00:32:48,433 --> 00:32:50,500 Can't you just give it to her? 619 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:51,867 Could turn me round completely. 620 00:32:51,967 --> 00:32:53,433 I'd rather [inaudible]. 621 00:32:53,533 --> 00:32:54,733 Facing me? 622 00:32:54,833 --> 00:32:58,900 MONICA: We've got to use our imaginations, haven't we? 623 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,567 Oh, I want your babs in me mouth, smothering me. 624 00:33:01,667 --> 00:33:02,533 There's a thought. 625 00:33:02,633 --> 00:33:04,667 Quite a lot of thoughts, actually. 626 00:33:04,767 --> 00:33:08,800 Clouds, and steam, and ozone. 627 00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:10,933 And landing there, eh? 628 00:33:11,033 --> 00:33:12,533 It's like watching a film here. 629 00:33:12,633 --> 00:33:16,767 You set my heart on fire when you sit on my face. 630 00:33:16,867 --> 00:33:17,733 Swirling. 631 00:33:17,833 --> 00:33:18,700 [moaning] 632 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,067 MONICA: Turning round. 633 00:33:20,167 --> 00:33:21,400 All the way round. 634 00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:22,967 Loop the loop. 635 00:33:23,067 --> 00:33:23,967 To where? 636 00:33:24,067 --> 00:33:24,900 Hm? 637 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,500 That's the surprise. 638 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,667 Mystery prize for a mystery person. 639 00:33:28,767 --> 00:33:29,600 Say me! 640 00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:30,533 Say my name, mum! 641 00:33:30,633 --> 00:33:32,200 Now! Now! 642 00:33:32,300 --> 00:33:33,600 I'll get back to you when the kids 643 00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:34,567 are school, safe and sound. 644 00:33:34,667 --> 00:33:35,733 All right? - No, no, no! 645 00:33:35,833 --> 00:33:37,033 No, wait. Wait, wait. 646 00:33:37,133 --> 00:33:38,000 [knocking] 647 00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:39,567 Post for ya. 648 00:33:39,667 --> 00:33:40,567 Leave it on the step! 649 00:33:40,667 --> 00:33:41,867 Needs signing for! 650 00:33:41,967 --> 00:33:45,500 Oh, sign it yourself and bug off! 651 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,033 [moaning] 652 00:33:56,333 --> 00:33:58,467 You OK? 653 00:33:58,567 --> 00:33:59,800 Ignore me. 654 00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:02,367 I should listen to what your daddy says, and learn to put 655 00:34:02,467 --> 00:34:04,900 up with this kind of stuff. 656 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,633 What kind of stuff? 657 00:34:06,733 --> 00:34:09,900 Our new Karen treating me like a piece of shit. 658 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,433 You what? 659 00:34:12,533 --> 00:34:14,600 Forget it. 660 00:34:14,700 --> 00:34:16,500 Let sleeping dogs lie. 661 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:17,267 Forget nothing! 662 00:34:17,367 --> 00:34:18,500 What's she been saying? 663 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,433 Mom! 664 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,867 She said something like-- 665 00:34:27,967 --> 00:34:29,700 she's just a low rent, loudmouthed drug 666 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,867 dealer in a shitty little dump. 667 00:34:32,967 --> 00:34:33,767 Meaning me. 668 00:34:48,033 --> 00:34:50,033 What can I get you, Mandy? 669 00:34:50,133 --> 00:34:51,633 Got a baseball bat? 670 00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:55,567 Has Mandy come in here? 671 00:34:55,667 --> 00:34:56,533 KAREN: Get off me! 672 00:35:03,033 --> 00:35:03,833 Oi! 673 00:35:03,933 --> 00:35:04,767 Oi, oi! 674 00:35:04,867 --> 00:35:05,800 Come on! 675 00:35:05,900 --> 00:35:07,367 Come on! 676 00:35:07,467 --> 00:35:08,767 Get off! 677 00:35:08,867 --> 00:35:09,867 Get off her! 678 00:35:09,967 --> 00:35:11,200 Come on! 679 00:35:11,300 --> 00:35:13,267 You're not fit to lick my mom's boots! 680 00:35:13,367 --> 00:35:15,933 Never mind showing up in public, you sponging piece of shit! 681 00:35:16,033 --> 00:35:17,933 A Maguire calling me a sponger? 682 00:35:18,033 --> 00:35:19,633 And you, letting this scrubber loose! 683 00:35:19,733 --> 00:35:22,100 Hey, Mandy, Mom's big enough to fight her own battles. 684 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:23,567 That's exactly what I said. 685 00:35:23,667 --> 00:35:26,633 You must've met enough hairy-ass knob gobblers inside. 686 00:35:26,733 --> 00:35:28,400 Why wait 10 years for a woman? 687 00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:30,367 Best you've come up with is half tramp, half tranny. 688 00:35:30,467 --> 00:35:31,300 You-- 689 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,267 Hey! 690 00:35:33,367 --> 00:35:34,333 Mandy! 691 00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:35,633 Get up! 692 00:35:35,733 --> 00:35:37,833 What's your show and tell for the last 10 years, Mand? 693 00:35:37,933 --> 00:35:40,000 [shouting] 694 00:35:41,467 --> 00:35:43,900 You're looking alot like a woman you swore you'd never be. 695 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:44,933 We're getting off. 696 00:35:45,033 --> 00:35:46,200 Move it. 697 00:35:46,300 --> 00:35:48,133 I'm happy with the changes I've made. 698 00:35:48,233 --> 00:35:49,367 And a child I'd die for. 699 00:35:49,467 --> 00:35:51,333 A pleasure you'll never see. 700 00:35:51,433 --> 00:35:53,300 Not if you get this mutant pregnant. 701 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,633 12 toes and more faces than a town hall clock. 702 00:35:55,733 --> 00:35:56,567 You did all that? 703 00:35:56,667 --> 00:35:57,467 Got a kid? 704 00:35:57,567 --> 00:35:58,800 Me and Lip did, yeah. 705 00:35:58,900 --> 00:36:00,333 Plus plenty of other stuff once we get where we're going. 706 00:36:00,433 --> 00:36:02,033 Yeah, right. Your best laid plan? 707 00:36:02,133 --> 00:36:03,367 More than you've achieved, you fucking-- 708 00:36:03,467 --> 00:36:05,067 That's not achievement, you dumb bitch. 709 00:36:05,167 --> 00:36:07,000 You got tanked, got your cacks down. 710 00:36:07,100 --> 00:36:08,500 Let this joker slip you one. 711 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,700 Three minutes tops, nine months to name it, 712 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,300 and the next 20 years convincing yourself that a basic mistake 713 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:14,633 was actually part of a plan. 714 00:36:14,733 --> 00:36:15,567 No you don't, Jamie. 715 00:36:15,667 --> 00:36:17,833 My Brother or not. 716 00:36:17,933 --> 00:36:20,000 [shouting] 717 00:36:21,500 --> 00:36:24,400 [screaming] 718 00:36:27,300 --> 00:36:30,200 For fuck's sake, Jamie! 719 00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:33,167 How's Lip taking the blame? 720 00:36:33,267 --> 00:36:35,700 You're not the only Maguire with qualifications. 721 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,933 I got an A, six B's, one C. Just for starters. 722 00:36:40,033 --> 00:36:41,567 You know nothing about me! 723 00:36:41,667 --> 00:36:46,167 Oh-- Belle's gone. 724 00:36:46,267 --> 00:36:47,367 Nip down while you're in [inaudible] 725 00:36:47,467 --> 00:36:49,900 to sling a few pints of beer. 726 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,033 Two for yourself. 727 00:37:02,700 --> 00:37:04,333 Here, stick your head back. 728 00:37:08,867 --> 00:37:09,700 Ah! 729 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:10,933 Don't rub 'em. 730 00:37:11,033 --> 00:37:12,067 Just blink. 731 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:16,833 Here. 732 00:37:16,933 --> 00:37:18,367 Throw that on your eyes. 733 00:37:28,167 --> 00:37:30,467 Straight off, you and Mandy. 734 00:37:34,067 --> 00:37:35,633 Way sharper than average. 735 00:37:38,567 --> 00:37:39,467 Hello 736 00:37:39,567 --> 00:37:40,667 Yeah, well, I'm guessing neither of you 737 00:37:40,767 --> 00:37:43,067 got an A in maths. 738 00:37:43,167 --> 00:37:46,200 There's no way you can afford to live as a family. 739 00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:48,767 Not in Nottingham, or anywhere else. 740 00:37:48,867 --> 00:37:50,933 How much is your family costing you now? 741 00:37:51,033 --> 00:37:52,933 Every Thursday I shove Mandy 50 quid 742 00:37:53,033 --> 00:37:54,900 for hers and Katie's meals. 743 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,900 It's tough sometimes, but we've stuck to it. 744 00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:58,933 Proved that we can do it. 745 00:37:59,033 --> 00:38:00,333 Every penny. 746 00:38:00,433 --> 00:38:01,333 Bam. 747 00:38:01,433 --> 00:38:02,833 Anything spare, whacked in post office 748 00:38:02,933 --> 00:38:05,833 for when Katie's old enough to blow it on parties, or-- 749 00:38:05,933 --> 00:38:08,067 or benders, or whatever. 750 00:38:08,167 --> 00:38:09,367 Imagine that, eh? 751 00:38:09,467 --> 00:38:13,300 When that happens, it's gonna freak me out. 752 00:38:19,667 --> 00:38:22,067 Mandy gets subbed two a week from your dad. 753 00:38:25,367 --> 00:38:29,267 She fuck-- who's told you that? 754 00:38:29,367 --> 00:38:30,800 You see, that's Paddy having you on. 755 00:38:30,900 --> 00:38:32,533 Because I'm covering everything. 756 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:36,433 200? 757 00:38:45,667 --> 00:38:48,900 Since when? 758 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:56,700 So what's-- Where's my 50 going? 759 00:38:59,833 --> 00:39:03,333 Lip's starting to guess what nappies cost a week. 760 00:39:03,433 --> 00:39:05,867 Average. 761 00:39:05,967 --> 00:39:07,867 And what's routine output? 762 00:39:07,967 --> 00:39:09,367 Five, six craps a day. 763 00:39:09,467 --> 00:39:11,133 For six or seven for just fluids. 764 00:39:11,233 --> 00:39:13,300 Seven days a week. 765 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:18,900 Then food, clothes, rent, utilities. 766 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,400 50 can't cover that lot, surely. 767 00:39:37,867 --> 00:39:40,067 Great start, Mand. 768 00:39:40,167 --> 00:39:41,333 If that's how you meant to go on. 769 00:39:44,033 --> 00:39:45,333 Back in your cage. 770 00:39:45,433 --> 00:39:46,233 Cunt. 771 00:39:50,367 --> 00:39:54,600 Why is it always me? 772 00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:56,400 Why is it always me? 773 00:39:59,900 --> 00:40:01,400 Why is it always me? 774 00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:03,167 Because it is! 775 00:40:07,433 --> 00:40:09,600 Cut the racket, you dickless fuck. 776 00:40:09,700 --> 00:40:11,333 What's your problem? 777 00:40:11,433 --> 00:40:14,967 Actually, is there such a thing as a problem? 778 00:40:15,067 --> 00:40:16,500 Hm? 779 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,700 If you truly understand the meaning of the word solution. 780 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,967 Three points for speeding on Chadwick Green. 781 00:40:23,067 --> 00:40:24,533 Aw! 782 00:40:24,633 --> 00:40:27,367 [laughter] And why isn't that funny? 783 00:40:27,467 --> 00:40:30,900 In a post-morden thingy, huh? 784 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,700 Coming from the slowest fucking organism on God's green earth. 785 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:35,700 You. 786 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:36,600 For speeding? 787 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,167 I've never even been at Chadwick Green. 788 00:40:42,267 --> 00:40:44,633 Jamie had it that weekend. 789 00:40:44,733 --> 00:40:45,533 Boy. 790 00:40:45,633 --> 00:40:46,467 What? 791 00:40:49,667 --> 00:40:53,867 Why would Jamie be riding your bike in Chadwick Green when 792 00:40:53,967 --> 00:40:57,233 he's in Darbyshire with Karen? 793 00:40:57,333 --> 00:40:59,067 Why did you do this, Mandy? 794 00:40:59,167 --> 00:41:00,567 We needed the help. 795 00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:03,100 But you had me thinking I was supporting the both of us. 796 00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:04,667 Bare faced fucking lies. 797 00:41:04,767 --> 00:41:06,767 Do you even know what this makes me feel like? 798 00:41:06,867 --> 00:41:08,800 Oh, rejection so far, Mandy. 799 00:41:08,900 --> 00:41:10,467 Not a bit bare faced. 800 00:41:10,567 --> 00:41:11,700 Weeks acting depressed. 801 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,200 Me up till three writing letters to the universities, 802 00:41:14,300 --> 00:41:16,700 calling them all kinds of twats for letting you down. 803 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:18,567 We swore-- both swore-- 804 00:41:18,667 --> 00:41:20,733 if we were going to do this, we'd only do it-- 805 00:41:20,833 --> 00:41:21,933 Where's the ham and the soap? 806 00:41:22,033 --> 00:41:22,967 If it helps out, we'll need it. 807 00:41:23,067 --> 00:41:24,033 [inaudible]. 808 00:41:24,133 --> 00:41:25,167 - That is our backs. - Eat it. 809 00:41:25,267 --> 00:41:26,600 Never mind what that proves. 810 00:41:26,700 --> 00:41:28,600 It's not even close to enough. 811 00:41:28,700 --> 00:41:30,133 Believe what you want, prick. 812 00:41:30,233 --> 00:41:31,533 The only thing that proves without a doubt 813 00:41:31,633 --> 00:41:33,700 is the most important thing Lip needs 814 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,333 is what fucking Lip needs! 815 00:41:35,433 --> 00:41:37,033 So see yourself out, prick. 816 00:41:55,667 --> 00:41:58,133 [alarm] 817 00:42:04,933 --> 00:42:06,167 Hey! 818 00:42:06,267 --> 00:42:10,100 If you get a number that isn't the square root 819 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,400 of an equational logarithm, that's a forfeit, yeah? 820 00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:14,500 Yes. 821 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,400 But if I get a dart in the big circle Bunty, 822 00:42:17,500 --> 00:42:19,367 you have to buy me a drink, yeah? 823 00:42:19,467 --> 00:42:20,267 Yes. 824 00:42:20,367 --> 00:42:23,233 Yeah. 825 00:42:23,333 --> 00:42:24,933 Oh! 826 00:42:25,033 --> 00:42:26,033 Tough. 827 00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:30,633 Industrial standard umbrellas. 828 00:42:30,733 --> 00:42:31,533 Fixed-- 829 00:42:31,633 --> 00:42:32,733 Two. 830 00:42:32,833 --> 00:42:34,167 60 quid cause of this muppet. 831 00:42:34,267 --> 00:42:36,533 Will you shut up about the fuckin' ticket? 832 00:42:36,633 --> 00:42:38,033 I've told you it's a technical error. 833 00:42:38,133 --> 00:42:39,667 I'll ring him. - I've tried. 834 00:42:39,767 --> 00:42:41,800 16 times. 835 00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:43,033 So I'll pay the fine. 836 00:42:43,133 --> 00:42:44,267 Can we drop it? 837 00:42:44,367 --> 00:42:46,133 Fine. 838 00:42:46,233 --> 00:42:48,133 But that's me on nine points now. 839 00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:50,600 Another three, bye bye, license. 840 00:42:50,700 --> 00:42:51,967 Then I'm stuffed. 841 00:42:52,067 --> 00:42:54,100 No transport. 842 00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:55,533 Yeah, thanks. 843 00:42:55,633 --> 00:42:56,400 Big deal. 844 00:42:56,500 --> 00:42:58,200 I can't manage without me bike. 845 00:42:58,300 --> 00:42:59,467 You don't go anywhere. 846 00:42:59,567 --> 00:43:00,867 What the fuck's wrong with everyone today? 847 00:43:00,967 --> 00:43:03,233 What are you having a go at me for? 848 00:43:03,333 --> 00:43:05,267 Because you're always winging about not getting laid. 849 00:43:09,467 --> 00:43:10,733 So? 850 00:43:10,833 --> 00:43:12,600 So you're not going to get any cocking around here, are ya? 851 00:43:12,700 --> 00:43:13,700 So? 852 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:14,767 Because you're not getting mine. 853 00:43:14,867 --> 00:43:15,600 So? Who's asking? 854 00:43:15,700 --> 00:43:17,000 So stop wasting life. 855 00:43:17,100 --> 00:43:18,333 That's pointless enough as it is. 856 00:43:18,433 --> 00:43:21,833 And stop trying to buy me drinks. 857 00:43:21,933 --> 00:43:22,800 [splat] 858 00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:24,767 [screaming] 859 00:43:24,867 --> 00:43:26,600 Oh, come on, Bunty. 860 00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:29,700 You're giving incest a bad name, you dozy bitch. 861 00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,133 Grab that first aid kit! 862 00:43:31,233 --> 00:43:32,533 There but for the grace God. 863 00:43:32,633 --> 00:43:33,900 Every one of us, you know? 864 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:34,800 He threw that. 865 00:43:34,900 --> 00:43:35,733 I need an ambulance! 866 00:43:35,833 --> 00:43:36,700 I think I'm gonna faint! 867 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,033 Oh, don't be so gay. 868 00:43:41,100 --> 00:43:42,733 Well, stick a pencil down his gob. 869 00:43:42,833 --> 00:43:44,100 You know? 870 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:46,100 Or, um-- you know, a bunch of keys down his kecks. 871 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,933 Well, tell him we need some smelling salts. 872 00:43:58,033 --> 00:44:00,000 Alternatively, tournaquet. 873 00:44:00,100 --> 00:44:01,233 Finger. 874 00:44:01,333 --> 00:44:02,667 How embarrassing is that for a Maguire? 875 00:44:06,467 --> 00:44:07,300 Jamie? 876 00:44:10,100 --> 00:44:10,967 Jamie? 877 00:44:11,067 --> 00:44:12,067 Ian! 878 00:44:19,267 --> 00:44:21,600 Does that feel all right? 879 00:44:21,700 --> 00:44:24,233 Lovely. 880 00:44:24,333 --> 00:44:26,000 Paddy, what are you doing? 881 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:27,567 Karen, do you know that man? 882 00:44:27,667 --> 00:44:29,567 Paddy, get off! 883 00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:30,567 Paddy, get off! 884 00:44:35,300 --> 00:44:36,133 Out! 885 00:44:47,467 --> 00:44:49,833 Grave error, Karen, taking me for an imbecile. 886 00:44:49,933 --> 00:44:51,133 What have I said now? 887 00:44:51,233 --> 00:44:53,567 Not enough for my liking. 888 00:44:53,667 --> 00:44:54,900 Weekends away with my son-- 889 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,033 where is it you two actually go? 890 00:44:57,133 --> 00:44:58,367 Anderton Lodge weekends. 891 00:44:58,467 --> 00:45:00,167 If you say so. 892 00:45:00,267 --> 00:45:02,833 And who's he talking to there? 893 00:45:02,933 --> 00:45:04,033 Anderton Lodge. 894 00:45:04,133 --> 00:45:05,833 It's Jamie's probation course, so he 895 00:45:05,933 --> 00:45:07,333 deals with probation course people, 896 00:45:07,433 --> 00:45:09,633 community liaison coppers. 897 00:45:09,733 --> 00:45:11,700 You know this, Paddy. 898 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:12,633 You OK? 899 00:45:16,633 --> 00:45:18,333 Paddy, you're scaring me. 900 00:45:18,433 --> 00:45:20,533 Ring the warden, ask the staff, the police, 901 00:45:20,633 --> 00:45:21,433 the probation officers. 902 00:45:21,533 --> 00:45:22,367 Ask the police! 903 00:45:22,467 --> 00:45:23,133 I did. 904 00:45:23,233 --> 00:45:24,233 Indirectly. - And? 905 00:45:24,333 --> 00:45:26,200 - They corroborated. - See? 906 00:45:26,300 --> 00:45:28,133 So I'm asking her again, our nearly 907 00:45:28,233 --> 00:45:33,600 new Karen, what does she know about Ronnie Cohen's death? 908 00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:34,533 Him. 909 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:38,567 Why the fuck did Jamie want 'em all dead? 910 00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,600 One says suicide, the other says accidental death. 911 00:45:46,700 --> 00:45:48,067 I'm aware of that. 912 00:45:48,167 --> 00:45:50,300 But if you know jack shit, why provide 913 00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:51,700 alibis for all three deaths? 914 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:52,633 Alibis? 915 00:45:52,733 --> 00:45:54,200 We just went on a course. 916 00:45:56,833 --> 00:45:59,467 So how the fuck's he near Cohen's house the night 917 00:45:59,567 --> 00:46:01,600 he died? 918 00:46:01,700 --> 00:46:02,933 He wasn't, though. 919 00:46:03,033 --> 00:46:06,100 Except he was. 920 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:08,867 Jimmy was clocked speeding Chadwick Green two AM the night 921 00:46:08,967 --> 00:46:12,500 he supposedly tucked up in bed with you in Darbyshire. 922 00:46:29,167 --> 00:46:31,200 [muffled shouting] 923 00:46:36,067 --> 00:46:37,067 You do know. 924 00:46:39,900 --> 00:46:41,900 Nothing. 925 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,167 But you do know that I'm not loopy, 926 00:46:43,267 --> 00:46:45,867 thinking what I'm thinking? 927 00:46:45,967 --> 00:46:47,033 Thank you. 928 00:46:49,900 --> 00:46:52,333 [music playing] 929 00:46:52,433 --> 00:46:53,300 [music stops] 930 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:57,800 Actually, do you mind? 931 00:46:57,900 --> 00:46:59,600 Helps me focus. 932 00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:02,167 [music playing] 933 00:47:12,933 --> 00:47:17,433 Cohen, Ahmed, Fawcett. 934 00:47:17,533 --> 00:47:19,833 They'd agreed to close you down, Dad. 935 00:47:19,933 --> 00:47:21,000 Come again? 936 00:47:21,100 --> 00:47:23,433 Last October, when Cohen got paroled. 937 00:47:23,533 --> 00:47:26,333 He persuaded them all to put the reds together. 938 00:47:26,433 --> 00:47:27,067 Regarding me? 939 00:47:27,167 --> 00:47:29,400 To get you. 940 00:47:29,500 --> 00:47:31,233 They were going to move in on your patch. 941 00:47:31,333 --> 00:47:34,300 Everybody I've ever shared a cell with? 942 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,133 Aggressive envy's a pulse of economics. 943 00:47:36,233 --> 00:47:38,400 Envy's about wanting what someone else has got. 944 00:47:38,500 --> 00:47:40,500 Jealousy's about taking it away from them. 945 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,033 Don't sell me [inaudible],, you Open University prick. 946 00:47:44,133 --> 00:47:46,767 These specimens were total lightweights. 947 00:47:46,867 --> 00:47:49,800 Worse than harmless. 948 00:47:49,900 --> 00:47:51,733 Not if they joined forces. 949 00:47:51,833 --> 00:47:55,233 There is no patch. 950 00:47:55,333 --> 00:47:58,067 That's not my business model. 951 00:47:58,167 --> 00:47:59,633 I'm in little patches. 952 00:47:59,733 --> 00:48:00,800 Invisible patches. 953 00:48:00,900 --> 00:48:02,467 Scattered patches all over the shop. 954 00:48:02,567 --> 00:48:05,833 Precisely engineered to prevent the Fawcetts, Ahmeds, Cohens 955 00:48:05,933 --> 00:48:09,633 getting the faintest whiff of what makes Patrick Maguire 956 00:48:09,733 --> 00:48:11,500 a man of his time. 957 00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:18,767 These jokers-- they weren't capable of joiing three dots, 958 00:48:18,867 --> 00:48:21,700 you fucking barbarian. 959 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,533 No. 960 00:48:23,633 --> 00:48:28,300 But our Fergal was joining the dots for them. 961 00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:30,967 Fergal was on Izzy Ahmed's payroll. 962 00:48:31,067 --> 00:48:33,267 So help me-- 963 00:48:33,367 --> 00:48:35,567 get out your butt again, and I'll kick you right up there 964 00:48:35,667 --> 00:48:36,500 with him to make apologies! 965 00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:37,500 Profit 966 00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,800 Only had been since last September! 967 00:48:40,900 --> 00:48:42,667 [gasping] 968 00:48:43,767 --> 00:48:46,067 A villa in our Fergal's name. 969 00:48:46,167 --> 00:48:48,300 Izzy bought him that as a downpayment. 970 00:49:02,433 --> 00:49:05,367 I heard whispers from a new cellmate. 971 00:49:05,467 --> 00:49:08,533 I couldn't get you involved. 972 00:49:08,633 --> 00:49:11,733 You'd have waded in, and you'd have whacked the lot of them. 973 00:49:11,833 --> 00:49:14,700 No thought for consequences. 974 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:16,800 Life for murder. 975 00:49:16,900 --> 00:49:17,733 And a pleasure. 976 00:49:17,833 --> 00:49:19,967 Not for Mom. 977 00:49:20,067 --> 00:49:21,067 Not for your family. 978 00:49:23,467 --> 00:49:26,433 And especially not for me, who was this close to a release 979 00:49:26,533 --> 00:49:27,867 date. 980 00:49:27,967 --> 00:49:29,700 That's why you suddenly reversed your plea. 981 00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:34,500 After 10 years denying it. 982 00:49:38,067 --> 00:49:42,300 I needed parole because you needed help. 983 00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,467 I've helped. 984 00:49:44,567 --> 00:49:46,333 Was it them fuckers that whacked Fergal? 985 00:49:53,967 --> 00:49:56,567 He was going to bottle it. 986 00:49:56,667 --> 00:49:59,667 And they couldn't risk him grassing to you. 987 00:49:59,767 --> 00:50:02,000 Source for that. 988 00:50:02,100 --> 00:50:03,333 The horse's mouth. 989 00:50:05,767 --> 00:50:06,600 Felix Fawcett. 990 00:50:09,767 --> 00:50:12,633 Just before he topped himself. 991 00:50:12,733 --> 00:50:14,200 [screaming] 992 00:50:17,133 --> 00:50:18,133 Good boy. 993 00:50:27,500 --> 00:50:28,933 He didn't. 994 00:50:29,033 --> 00:50:31,333 He's lying again because-- he couldn't have. 995 00:50:33,933 --> 00:50:35,567 Anderton Lodge. 996 00:50:35,667 --> 00:50:37,333 He'd never left my side. 997 00:50:37,433 --> 00:50:38,800 Except for the last time. 998 00:50:38,900 --> 00:50:40,433 I spiked your spliff with PVK. 999 00:50:45,033 --> 00:50:47,000 We both smoked it. 1000 00:50:47,100 --> 00:50:49,933 I didn't inhale. 1001 00:50:50,033 --> 00:50:51,800 That's why I had massive downers on Mondays. 1002 00:50:54,767 --> 00:50:56,700 JAMIE: I only did it so you wouldn't know enough to get 1003 00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:57,700 into trouble, Karen. 1004 00:51:03,233 --> 00:51:05,000 I'm so sorry. 1005 00:51:05,100 --> 00:51:06,267 You're not the only one, Paddy. 1006 00:51:10,633 --> 00:51:12,167 So what about your alibi? 1007 00:51:12,267 --> 00:51:15,400 Cops at Anderton Lodge. 1008 00:51:15,500 --> 00:51:17,733 And me. 1009 00:51:17,833 --> 00:51:19,467 What? 1010 00:51:19,567 --> 00:51:20,467 Plus me. 1011 00:51:20,567 --> 00:51:23,600 Your new Karen. 1012 00:51:23,700 --> 00:51:26,167 Who'd she'd agree to be somebody's wife, as opposed 1013 00:51:26,267 --> 00:51:27,967 to only being some legal loophole that says she can't 1014 00:51:28,067 --> 00:51:29,067 testify against her husband. 1015 00:51:31,433 --> 00:51:34,533 You will only marry me for an alibi. 1016 00:51:34,633 --> 00:51:37,200 No. 1017 00:51:37,300 --> 00:51:39,500 Well, fuck the lot of you's. 1018 00:51:49,267 --> 00:51:50,333 It's all very well. 1019 00:51:50,433 --> 00:51:51,933 Same goes out the back open miners. 1020 00:51:52,033 --> 00:51:53,767 Well, that's 70% of our bleeding regulars. 1021 00:51:53,867 --> 00:51:55,167 You watch. 1022 00:51:55,267 --> 00:51:57,567 They'll stop us selling lollipops to fat kids next. 1023 00:51:57,667 --> 00:51:58,733 All right, that is it! 1024 00:51:58,833 --> 00:51:59,967 [shouting] 1025 00:52:00,067 --> 00:52:00,933 Stop! 1026 00:52:01,033 --> 00:52:02,033 Get the police! 1027 00:52:04,633 --> 00:52:07,967 I think you'll find, son, that bag is mine. 1028 00:52:08,067 --> 00:52:09,900 We need the police for a mugging. 1029 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,300 Carl? 1030 00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:12,967 Oh, shit. 1031 00:52:13,067 --> 00:52:14,633 Bleeding by the time you get here. 1032 00:52:14,733 --> 00:52:15,733 I'm sorry, Yvonne. 1033 00:52:15,833 --> 00:52:17,900 I didn't know it were you. 1034 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,833 Never mind it's me. 1035 00:52:19,933 --> 00:52:21,200 Yvonne! 1036 00:52:21,300 --> 00:52:21,933 Hello? 1037 00:52:22,033 --> 00:52:23,100 Yeah. 1038 00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:24,533 Can I have two [inaudible],, please? 1039 00:52:24,633 --> 00:52:27,733 Uh, a lumpus and, uh-- and some pies. 1040 00:52:27,833 --> 00:52:28,633 What? 1041 00:52:28,733 --> 00:52:30,100 Oh, I'm really sorry. 1042 00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:31,300 I've got you both on speed dial. 1043 00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:32,500 I must have pressed the wrong number. 1044 00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,500 Hello? 1045 00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:35,433 Keys. 1046 00:52:35,533 --> 00:52:36,333 Get the car. 1047 00:52:40,767 --> 00:52:42,400 I needed the money. 1048 00:52:42,500 --> 00:52:44,600 If we all needed money that badly, Carl, what kind of world 1049 00:52:44,700 --> 00:52:46,000 would we be living in, eh? 1050 00:52:46,100 --> 00:52:47,433 Got a couple of quid for some smack? 1051 00:52:47,533 --> 00:52:48,333 Fuck off! 1052 00:52:51,633 --> 00:52:53,900 For what? 1053 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,000 For what? 1054 00:52:56,100 --> 00:52:58,200 I've got a girl pregnant. 1055 00:52:58,300 --> 00:53:01,867 [sigh] How many times have I-- 1056 00:53:01,967 --> 00:53:03,500 Are you out of your bleeding head? 1057 00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:05,267 What have I always told you about condoms? 1058 00:53:05,367 --> 00:53:07,600 Why do you think I don't make anything on the mark up, Carl? 1059 00:53:07,700 --> 00:53:08,967 They're not luxuries. 1060 00:53:09,067 --> 00:53:10,600 You shouldn't even leave the house without checking 1061 00:53:10,700 --> 00:53:11,733 there's one in your wallet. 1062 00:53:11,833 --> 00:53:14,967 Haven't I always said that? 1063 00:53:15,067 --> 00:53:17,733 I haven't got a wallet. 1064 00:53:17,833 --> 00:53:18,667 What's her name? 1065 00:53:22,033 --> 00:53:23,267 We need to talk about this one, Carl. 1066 00:53:23,367 --> 00:53:25,300 Don't you be twatting him. I need him alive. 1067 00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:26,367 He's going to be working this off 1068 00:53:26,467 --> 00:53:27,967 in shop for a long, long time. 1069 00:53:28,067 --> 00:53:29,300 Need you, neither. 1070 00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:30,667 Can you nip home and tell the kids where I am? 1071 00:53:30,767 --> 00:53:31,800 The kids are in the car. 1072 00:53:31,900 --> 00:53:32,967 Why? 1073 00:53:33,067 --> 00:53:34,167 What have you brought them here for? 1074 00:53:34,267 --> 00:53:37,933 Because it's not your house anymore. 1075 00:53:38,033 --> 00:53:38,867 Crawling with cops. 1076 00:53:38,967 --> 00:53:40,100 They've sealed it off. 1077 00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:41,700 Assets recovery agency. 1078 00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,033 No one's allowed in until they've recovered all the money 1079 00:53:44,133 --> 00:53:46,333 your husband pilfered. 1080 00:53:46,433 --> 00:53:47,233 My husband? 1081 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:55,867 Hey! 1082 00:53:55,967 --> 00:53:57,600 Get off! 1083 00:53:57,700 --> 00:54:00,333 I've worked for years for everything in that house! 1084 00:54:03,167 --> 00:54:05,933 It's nowhere near fair! 1085 00:54:06,033 --> 00:54:07,567 It's nowhere near fair. 1086 00:54:17,900 --> 00:54:19,100 Services have arranged emergency 1087 00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:21,967 housing for you and the kids. 1088 00:54:22,067 --> 00:54:24,733 [inaudible] 1089 00:54:24,833 --> 00:54:26,733 Half my family still live there. 1090 00:54:26,833 --> 00:54:28,000 That's all right, then, innit? 1091 00:54:42,467 --> 00:54:44,767 [crying] 1092 00:54:51,267 --> 00:54:54,433 For what we are about to re-- 1093 00:54:54,533 --> 00:54:57,333 How come you lot never eat round at yours? 1094 00:54:57,433 --> 00:55:01,733 Cause he's put a nail through a gas pipe. 1095 00:55:01,833 --> 00:55:04,000 Ah. 1096 00:55:04,100 --> 00:55:06,233 For what we are about to-- 1097 00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:07,533 when? 1098 00:55:07,633 --> 00:55:08,467 January. 1099 00:55:12,833 --> 00:55:15,233 For what we are about-- 1100 00:55:15,333 --> 00:55:17,400 but you've turned the gas off? 1101 00:55:17,500 --> 00:55:18,333 He did. 1102 00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:25,200 For what we are about to receive, may the Lord 1103 00:55:25,300 --> 00:55:27,567 make us truly thankful-- 1104 00:55:27,667 --> 00:55:29,300 Paddy? 1105 00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:30,700 Amen. 1106 00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:33,400 Where have you been? 1107 00:55:33,500 --> 00:55:34,767 What's wrong with an April wedding 1108 00:55:34,867 --> 00:55:36,567 if we're claiming to be renegades? 1109 00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:42,467 We are in April. 1110 00:55:42,567 --> 00:55:43,533 So we are. 1111 00:55:43,633 --> 00:55:46,833 Are you out of your fucking mind, Paddy? 1112 00:55:46,933 --> 00:55:47,733 No. 1113 00:55:50,833 --> 00:55:52,900 Madam, actually, not. 1114 00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:54,933 I'm definitely not out of my mind. 1115 00:55:55,033 --> 00:55:56,333 But madam, thank you for the concern. 1116 00:55:56,433 --> 00:55:59,800 You'd best tell me what the fuck's going on here! 1117 00:55:59,900 --> 00:56:04,533 I need this wedding signed and sorted, like Saturday. 1118 00:56:04,633 --> 00:56:08,633 Or this world of ours goes tits up forever, Mimi. 1119 00:56:12,933 --> 00:56:15,433 You know, we're right to be scared. 1120 00:56:15,533 --> 00:56:16,800 Know why? 1121 00:56:16,900 --> 00:56:18,467 They're not children anymore. 1122 00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:26,200 This got left for you. 1123 00:56:26,300 --> 00:56:26,933 Oh! 1124 00:56:27,033 --> 00:56:28,433 Watch your step, mind. 1125 00:56:31,933 --> 00:56:33,000 How's it go in there? 1126 00:56:33,100 --> 00:56:34,867 The refurb? 1127 00:56:34,967 --> 00:56:37,733 Never knowingly, and surprising. 1128 00:56:37,833 --> 00:56:39,633 Come and have a gander. 1129 00:56:39,733 --> 00:56:41,000 Or a goose, even. 1130 00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:15,833 Oh my god, Carl. 1131 00:57:15,933 --> 00:57:16,800 What have you done? 1132 00:57:16,900 --> 00:57:18,200 Need a tenner for the taxi. 1133 00:57:18,300 --> 00:57:19,533 Quick, before it's 11. 1134 00:57:25,267 --> 00:57:28,300 What have you done now, you big daft [inaudible]?? 1135 00:57:33,300 --> 00:57:38,600 New rule-- no stamping upstairs when I'm working stuff out! 1136 00:57:38,700 --> 00:57:39,567 Tah-dah. 1137 00:57:39,667 --> 00:57:40,700 Oh, hello, yeah. 1138 00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:42,600 This is Norma Starkey speaking. MAN: Yes, Norma? 1139 00:57:42,700 --> 00:57:45,800 I've got one of your people sprucing up my Norma-mobile. 1140 00:57:45,900 --> 00:57:48,267 Could you just remind me what that's costing me in total, 1141 00:57:48,367 --> 00:57:49,233 please? 1142 00:57:49,333 --> 00:57:51,467 MAN: 3,400, plus VAT. - Thank you. 1143 00:57:51,567 --> 00:57:55,767 And, um, have you any idea where I'm finding the money? 1144 00:57:59,467 --> 00:58:02,067 Carl, who have you got pregnant? 1145 00:58:02,167 --> 00:58:05,000 These dreams-- a gimp. 1146 00:58:05,100 --> 00:58:09,333 The day he starts multiplying, we all need to start 1147 00:58:09,433 --> 00:58:11,667 running and taking cover. 1148 00:58:11,767 --> 00:58:13,433 That's all, Lip? 1149 00:58:13,533 --> 00:58:14,400 Oh! 1150 00:58:14,500 --> 00:58:15,500 Carl? 1151 00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:17,167 So what's the secret of your success, eh? 1152 00:58:17,267 --> 00:58:19,633 Lip Gallagher, loving the sound of his own smart ass lies. 1153 00:58:19,733 --> 00:58:21,200 Stop! 1154 00:58:21,300 --> 00:58:24,000 Talking the talk about going somewhere, and being somebody. 1155 00:58:24,100 --> 00:58:25,300 Being what? 1156 00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:26,233 What? 1157 00:58:28,633 --> 00:58:31,567 When you got Mandy pregnant, the only person you talked about 1158 00:58:31,667 --> 00:58:32,767 were you. 1159 00:58:32,867 --> 00:58:36,167 I'd pay anything not to be like you. 1160 00:58:36,267 --> 00:58:39,567 Having to pay for an abortion so I don't end up like you. 1161 00:58:39,667 --> 00:58:41,833 Because the first time we have kids, 1162 00:58:41,933 --> 00:58:43,467 I want to be the furthest-- 1163 00:58:43,567 --> 00:58:47,200 the absolute fucking furthest I could from looking 1164 00:58:47,300 --> 00:58:51,033 anything like people like you. 1165 00:59:01,033 --> 00:59:03,133 Who is it, Carl? 1166 00:59:03,233 --> 00:59:05,700 Carl, who is it? 1167 00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:07,900 I can't help you if I don't know the facts. 1168 00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:10,567 The facts are nobody else's business. 1169 00:59:10,667 --> 00:59:11,700 Oh, only me. 1170 00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:12,933 We're busy. 1171 00:59:13,033 --> 00:59:14,300 Debbie, Yvonne's downstairs. 1172 00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:17,567 Says she wants to see you. 1173 00:59:17,667 --> 00:59:19,733 She knows. 1174 00:59:19,833 --> 00:59:22,600 For fuck's sake, she knows. 1175 00:59:22,700 --> 00:59:24,100 It's Meena? 1176 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:26,400 Carl, swear it's not Meena. 1177 00:59:26,500 --> 00:59:27,300 Yvonne's Meena? 1178 00:59:32,033 --> 00:59:32,967 VOICEMAIL: Hi, it's Karen. 1179 00:59:33,067 --> 00:59:34,067 Leave a message. 1180 00:59:38,567 --> 00:59:41,367 Maybe she's gone down to her mother's? 1181 00:59:41,467 --> 00:59:43,067 Frank might have an address. 1182 00:59:50,433 --> 00:59:53,267 When your dad got paroled from Wandsworth 1183 00:59:53,367 --> 00:59:54,567 I said if it's taught you nothing else, 1184 00:59:54,667 --> 00:59:56,500 you know how to make a decent bed, mister. 1185 00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:02,000 It will sort itself out. 1186 01:00:02,100 --> 01:00:03,267 We'll find her. 1187 01:00:18,067 --> 01:00:19,033 Hero. 1188 01:00:34,833 --> 01:00:36,933 Big favor, Debs. 1189 01:00:37,033 --> 01:00:38,000 We need somewhere to live. 1190 01:00:40,700 --> 01:00:41,933 Of course. 1191 01:00:42,033 --> 01:00:43,933 We can make some room for a few days. 1192 01:00:44,033 --> 01:00:46,633 I don't need border lodgings. 1193 01:00:46,733 --> 01:00:48,233 I've been up for [inaudible]. 1194 01:00:48,333 --> 01:00:50,167 I've agreed a price the next start. 1195 01:00:50,267 --> 01:00:54,733 Just need help with a bed until it gets sorted. 1196 01:00:54,833 --> 01:00:56,200 Yvonne? 1197 01:00:56,300 --> 01:00:57,600 You can't live here. 1198 01:00:57,700 --> 01:01:01,300 I can live where I want if I'm paying in cash, Carl. 1199 01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:02,200 Tell her. 1200 01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,567 Meena's pregnant. 1201 01:01:08,667 --> 01:01:09,500 To me. 1202 01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:14,200 In her dreams she's pregnant. 1203 01:01:14,300 --> 01:01:16,167 Last five lads she tried this on with. 1204 01:01:16,267 --> 01:01:17,000 Eh? 1205 01:01:17,100 --> 01:01:19,933 How much did she ask you for? 1206 01:01:20,033 --> 01:01:21,767 500 by Friday. 1207 01:01:21,867 --> 01:01:23,833 What have I told you? 1208 01:01:23,933 --> 01:01:25,733 That is blackmail! 1209 01:01:25,833 --> 01:01:26,633 So you're not? 1210 01:01:30,067 --> 01:01:31,533 This isn't fair! 1211 01:01:31,633 --> 01:01:33,133 You spoil everything! 1212 01:01:33,233 --> 01:01:34,900 What did that doctor say, Ches? 1213 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:36,867 She needs her medicine, Mrs. Karib. 1214 01:01:36,967 --> 01:01:37,933 The shrink we paid for. 1215 01:01:38,033 --> 01:01:38,833 Oh. 1216 01:01:38,933 --> 01:01:40,067 Two sessions a week. 1217 01:01:40,167 --> 01:01:42,067 She'll be right as rain within a year. 1218 01:01:51,900 --> 01:01:52,800 Ah! 1219 01:01:52,900 --> 01:01:54,367 I don't think so, pal. 1220 01:01:54,467 --> 01:01:55,767 Cause you must have got somewhere near 1221 01:01:55,867 --> 01:01:57,433 to think she were. 1222 01:01:57,533 --> 01:01:58,867 Never again. 1223 01:01:58,967 --> 01:02:00,833 Give it your word! 1224 01:02:00,933 --> 01:02:01,733 Right. 1225 01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:26,333 Lip. 1226 01:02:26,433 --> 01:02:28,600 It's Jamie. 1227 01:02:28,700 --> 01:02:30,467 Look, I'm sorry about what happened, but I need a favor. 1228 01:02:30,567 --> 01:02:31,733 Do you know what time it is, you mad twat? 1229 01:02:31,833 --> 01:02:33,033 Yeah, I know, mate. 1230 01:02:33,133 --> 01:02:34,333 I'm sorry, but I need an address for Karen's mom. 1231 01:02:34,433 --> 01:02:36,100 Well, your dad must know where she's living. 1232 01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:37,500 I'm not asking him now. 1233 01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:38,967 Just tell him I wouldn't be waking him 1234 01:02:39,067 --> 01:02:40,400 up if it wasn't an emergency. 1235 01:02:40,500 --> 01:02:41,600 He's not asleep. 1236 01:02:41,700 --> 01:02:43,600 So So what's the problem? 1237 01:02:43,700 --> 01:02:45,167 Dad! 1238 01:02:45,267 --> 01:02:47,233 Dad! 1239 01:02:47,333 --> 01:02:48,200 - What? - For you. 1240 01:02:48,300 --> 01:02:49,433 - Yeah? - The phone. 1241 01:02:49,533 --> 01:02:50,633 For you. - What? 1242 01:02:50,733 --> 01:02:51,900 Now? 1243 01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:52,900 Yeah? 1244 01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:53,933 JAMIE: I just need an address. 1245 01:02:54,033 --> 01:02:54,967 Or a landline number. 1246 01:02:55,067 --> 01:02:55,900 What? 1247 01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:56,800 For Sheila? 1248 01:02:56,900 --> 01:02:58,933 I'll give you the number. 1249 01:02:59,033 --> 01:03:02,367 The number this week is pick as you wish. 1250 01:03:02,467 --> 01:03:08,200 With, uh-- it's bohemian [inaudible].. 1251 01:03:08,300 --> 01:03:10,900 Tons of people showing their snatch 1252 01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:13,900 on prime time television! 1253 01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,400 [inaudible], mate. 1254 01:03:17,500 --> 01:03:18,367 What? 1255 01:03:18,467 --> 01:03:20,100 What's that? 1256 01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:21,300 Fuck's all the noise? 1257 01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:22,600 FRANK: Don't pull out until I say so! 1258 01:03:33,667 --> 01:03:34,900 Sorry, Karen. 1259 01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:36,767 It's all mickeys. 1260 01:03:36,867 --> 01:03:39,000 I've never used one of these before. 1261 01:03:39,100 --> 01:03:41,467 You need warning, though. 1262 01:03:41,567 --> 01:03:43,200 Some of this is going to need details that you 1263 01:03:43,300 --> 01:03:44,300 won't like listening to. 1264 01:03:47,300 --> 01:03:49,333 But it's the only option I have if it's the last chance 1265 01:03:49,433 --> 01:03:50,567 I get to clear my name with you. 1266 01:03:54,367 --> 01:03:55,600 Don't say you weren't warned. 1267 01:04:03,167 --> 01:04:06,633 Forever our child, forever our keeper. 1268 01:04:06,733 --> 01:04:09,000 God owes you one. 1269 01:04:09,100 --> 01:04:10,100 Night night. 1270 01:04:20,567 --> 01:04:22,667 And how long can I work there without applying for a permit 1271 01:04:22,767 --> 01:04:24,100 officially? 1272 01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:27,200 Well, for the first three months-- 1273 01:04:27,300 --> 01:04:29,100 sorry, what are you doing? 1274 01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:34,533 You can't go in there! 1275 01:04:34,633 --> 01:04:37,167 Do one! 1276 01:04:37,267 --> 01:04:39,200 If I could just get your credit card number, 1277 01:04:39,300 --> 01:04:41,700 we'll be getting on with the booking, madam. 1278 01:04:41,800 --> 01:04:44,467 Fact, we haven't hit it off. 1279 01:04:44,567 --> 01:04:47,867 I bet you think I don't like women. 1280 01:04:47,967 --> 01:04:49,567 I'm more used to boys. 1281 01:04:49,667 --> 01:04:51,767 Easier to please. 1282 01:04:51,867 --> 01:04:53,000 Less imagination. 1283 01:04:56,900 --> 01:05:00,033 A few days around yours, I felt great. 1284 01:05:00,133 --> 01:05:01,867 Only child. 1285 01:05:01,967 --> 01:05:04,667 Middle of a massive family. 1286 01:05:04,767 --> 01:05:06,400 Maybe. 1287 01:05:06,500 --> 01:05:09,633 Or twigging them further up the barrel 1288 01:05:09,733 --> 01:05:13,667 than I ever thought possible. 1289 01:05:13,767 --> 01:05:15,967 You don't need a wedding to stop me grassing on him. 1290 01:05:16,067 --> 01:05:19,100 I honestly couldn't be fucked. 1291 01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:21,267 Life's too short, Mimi. 1292 01:05:21,367 --> 01:05:24,233 And hey-- so are you. 1293 01:05:24,333 --> 01:05:29,367 Height's no advantage if your brain's anorexic, Tinker Bell. 1294 01:05:41,700 --> 01:05:44,033 Like the eternity ring, Karen, this is yours forever 1295 01:05:44,133 --> 01:05:45,400 to do with what you want. 1296 01:05:45,500 --> 01:05:47,333 So long as you know it proves beyond doubt that I 1297 01:05:47,433 --> 01:05:48,700 didn't need you as an alibi. 1298 01:05:50,867 --> 01:05:52,767 I asked you to marry me because you're the only woman 1299 01:05:52,867 --> 01:05:55,167 I couldn't be without. 1300 01:05:55,267 --> 01:05:57,233 I murdered all three of them. 1301 01:05:57,333 --> 01:05:59,467 I'm not proud of that by any means, but they deserved it, 1302 01:05:59,567 --> 01:06:02,600 and I'll do it again under the same circumstances. 1303 01:06:02,700 --> 01:06:03,500 Obviously I'll never-- 1304 01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:05,000 Jesus, Mimi. 1305 01:06:05,100 --> 01:06:08,467 If this gets out, they'll bang him up for good. 1306 01:06:08,567 --> 01:06:09,467 Up the barrel to you? 1307 01:06:13,967 --> 01:06:15,067 Guard it with his life. 1308 01:06:21,100 --> 01:06:24,667 20 million women-- name one with vows like yours. 1309 01:06:30,533 --> 01:06:34,000 That's why boys make good company, Karen. 1310 01:06:34,100 --> 01:06:35,167 Mine, anyway. 1311 01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:45,033 It's miles to my school from here. 1312 01:06:45,133 --> 01:06:45,933 Mine's nearer. 1313 01:06:46,033 --> 01:06:47,300 Longer in bed. 1314 01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:50,667 I can't afford school fees and private shrinks. 1315 01:06:50,767 --> 01:06:52,600 I've got you both into Chatsworth High School. 1316 01:06:52,700 --> 01:06:53,500 Mom! 1317 01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:54,467 No, Mom, you can't. 1318 01:06:54,567 --> 01:06:56,033 I'm not going there! 1319 01:06:56,133 --> 01:06:57,167 [bell ringing] 1320 01:06:59,033 --> 01:07:01,067 You were fucked up enough with person! 1321 01:07:01,167 --> 01:07:02,167 I told you! 1322 01:07:09,067 --> 01:07:11,700 50p for a cup of tea, mister? 1323 01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:14,633 Get back in your car, or you're going home in a coffin. 1324 01:07:14,733 --> 01:07:15,767 Heard you landed this place. 1325 01:07:15,867 --> 01:07:16,967 Brought you this. 1326 01:07:17,067 --> 01:07:18,267 So So is that the thing? 1327 01:07:18,367 --> 01:07:19,567 That our family's out on the street, and bring 1328 01:07:19,667 --> 01:07:20,533 'em a plant to look after? 1329 01:07:20,633 --> 01:07:21,833 Nobody enjoys repossessing houses. 1330 01:07:21,933 --> 01:07:23,367 Well, don't fucking do it, then. 1331 01:07:27,767 --> 01:07:28,867 What do you think, Norma? 1332 01:07:28,967 --> 01:07:30,300 For once in my life, I actually feel 1333 01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:33,500 like I got me money's worth! 1334 01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:34,867 Oh ho ho! 1335 01:07:34,967 --> 01:07:37,733 Oh, better make that twice in me life. 1336 01:07:37,833 --> 01:07:38,933 Aw. 1337 01:07:39,033 --> 01:07:41,433 It's a happening thing in [inaudible].. 1338 01:07:41,533 --> 01:07:44,000 Yeah? 1339 01:07:44,100 --> 01:07:45,000 Ugh. 1340 01:07:45,100 --> 01:07:46,667 Full on gays kissing? 1341 01:07:52,167 --> 01:07:53,633 What's going on? 1342 01:07:53,733 --> 01:07:55,600 - We're off. - Dad! 1343 01:07:55,700 --> 01:07:57,367 You're not going for good? 1344 01:07:57,467 --> 01:07:59,000 Well, it was your idea, buddy boy. 1345 01:07:59,100 --> 01:08:01,800 I said pretend you're going somewhere. 1346 01:08:01,900 --> 01:08:03,167 How's it going? 1347 01:08:03,267 --> 01:08:07,200 I didn't mean you should actually go to Texas. 1348 01:08:07,300 --> 01:08:08,400 Fuck's sake, Norma. 1349 01:08:12,733 --> 01:08:13,533 Bye! 1350 01:08:13,633 --> 01:08:14,900 You can't leave! 1351 01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:17,200 Since when did my house become a refugee camp? 1352 01:08:17,300 --> 01:08:18,600 Since you moved into the Jockey 1353 01:08:18,700 --> 01:08:19,800 and stopped paying us rent. 1354 01:08:19,900 --> 01:08:21,267 And I had to cover it, Margaret. 1355 01:08:21,367 --> 01:08:24,233 And if Carl asks very nicely, in her do, 1356 01:08:24,333 --> 01:08:26,133 you might get a lift back to the pub with ease. 1357 01:08:48,767 --> 01:08:50,667 Over-educated pikeys. 1358 01:08:50,767 --> 01:08:54,700 A working class variant long towards as two faced, 1359 01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:55,933 junked up cunts. 1360 01:08:56,033 --> 01:08:57,267 No abbreviation available. 1361 01:08:57,367 --> 01:08:58,500 Sorry. 1362 01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:01,500 Billions of taxpayers' money persuading scabby little 1363 01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:03,500 know alls that they can be anything they want. 1364 01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:05,633 You know, that there's a place for them at the top 1365 01:09:05,733 --> 01:09:08,467 if they work twice as hard as the semi-detached. 1366 01:09:08,567 --> 01:09:10,333 Sinkers with nets and, social workers 1367 01:09:10,433 --> 01:09:13,133 turning into captains of industry, 1368 01:09:13,233 --> 01:09:15,167 members of parliament. 1369 01:09:15,267 --> 01:09:18,633 Teachers, lawyers, doctors, and-- you know, 1370 01:09:18,733 --> 01:09:20,800 fucking-- them lot-- thingies. 1371 01:09:20,900 --> 01:09:22,233 We know it's meant to work. 1372 01:09:22,333 --> 01:09:27,067 Float to the top, sending privileges downstream to us. 1373 01:09:27,167 --> 01:09:31,100 Well, name one [inaudible]. 1374 01:09:31,200 --> 01:09:32,100 They're laughing at us. 1375 01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:34,233 It is our fucking infections. 1376 01:09:34,333 --> 01:09:35,200 Us. 1377 01:09:35,300 --> 01:09:36,567 You know, the hands that fed them. 1378 01:09:36,667 --> 01:09:40,033 Us, the ones that taught them everything they know. 1379 01:09:40,133 --> 01:09:42,567 Crossing the I's, dropping the E's. 1380 01:09:42,667 --> 01:09:44,733 You know, and so forth. 1381 01:09:44,833 --> 01:09:46,000 Hey! 1382 01:09:46,100 --> 01:09:49,467 Uh-- exhibit A. Poor old fucking-- what's it? 1383 01:09:49,567 --> 01:09:50,400 Eugene! 1384 01:09:50,500 --> 01:09:52,533 Double shift every day for 10 years 1385 01:09:52,633 --> 01:09:54,833 so that Christabel could train as a lawyer. 1386 01:09:54,933 --> 01:09:56,267 What thanks does she give him? 1387 01:09:56,367 --> 01:09:57,533 Uh, hello? 1388 01:09:57,633 --> 01:10:01,033 Seven year sentence for fiddling with her yonks back. 1389 01:10:01,133 --> 01:10:02,700 But yonks back? 1390 01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:03,967 Hey. 1391 01:10:04,067 --> 01:10:07,033 Suggestion box-- leave the pikeys with us. 1392 01:10:07,133 --> 01:10:08,933 Spend some of the savings on welfare, 1393 01:10:09,033 --> 01:10:12,400 and hold a few bob for, you know, consequences. 1394 01:10:12,500 --> 01:10:13,533 Redundancies. 1395 01:10:13,633 --> 01:10:15,900 Diet, civil disorders, et cetera. 1396 01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:16,833 Job done. 1397 01:10:16,933 --> 01:10:17,767 Tick. 1398 01:10:17,867 --> 01:10:19,900 Over and out. 1399 01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:21,900 Where's your cushion again, Sally? 1400 01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:23,067 Shift your seat, please, Frank. 1401 01:10:23,167 --> 01:10:25,133 Cause these should be in the freezer. 1402 01:10:25,233 --> 01:10:27,433 You buying us a drink, bow selector? 1403 01:10:27,533 --> 01:10:28,633 Get lost. 1404 01:10:28,733 --> 01:10:29,900 Get fucked, then. 1405 01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:31,433 Shan't. 1406 01:10:31,533 --> 01:10:33,633 NORMA: Bloody hell, mum, what have you got in here? 1407 01:10:33,733 --> 01:10:35,100 Just a few bikinis, and that. 1408 01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:37,233 NORMA: Oh, man, it's Texas, not Tel Aviv. 1409 01:10:37,333 --> 01:10:38,800 I know, but it's gonna be hot. 1410 01:10:38,900 --> 01:10:39,700 NORMA: Bloody hell. 1411 01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:41,967 Ignore my finger. 1412 01:10:42,067 --> 01:10:44,067 MONICA: You like it when I'm all tan, don't ya? 1413 01:10:44,167 --> 01:10:45,900 And oily. 1414 01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:47,467 What's this? 1415 01:10:47,567 --> 01:10:48,733 NORMA: Well, hang on. Hang on, actually. 1416 01:10:48,833 --> 01:10:49,733 Did you manage to-- 1417 01:10:57,433 --> 01:11:02,400 [gasp] - How many sides can a love triangle have? 1418 01:11:02,500 --> 01:11:04,867 First you're cold, you're heartless, 1419 01:11:04,967 --> 01:11:06,933 you're smelly, and then suddenly-- 1420 01:11:07,033 --> 01:11:08,867 sappy. 1421 01:11:08,967 --> 01:11:10,000 Gradually building up your strength 1422 01:11:10,100 --> 01:11:12,067 to win your girl back again. 1423 01:11:16,567 --> 01:11:19,433 Well, lezzies or not, you're just showing yourselves all-- 1424 01:11:19,533 --> 01:11:21,267 you know. 1425 01:11:21,367 --> 01:11:22,000 Come on! 1426 01:11:22,100 --> 01:11:23,300 Inside. 1427 01:11:23,400 --> 01:11:26,233 Get changed into penis based clobber. 1428 01:11:26,333 --> 01:11:29,200 And we can [inaudible] the shit loads 1429 01:11:29,300 --> 01:11:31,600 of [inaudible], fair lady. 1430 01:11:31,700 --> 01:11:33,033 Oh, it's all right, Norm. 1431 01:11:33,133 --> 01:11:35,467 I mean, if we set off now, we'd only hit the traffic. 1432 01:11:35,567 --> 01:11:37,533 Why don't you go to the pub with us? 1433 01:11:37,633 --> 01:11:38,433 You'll be a laugh. 1434 01:11:38,533 --> 01:11:39,433 [laughter] 1435 01:11:39,533 --> 01:11:40,433 [clicking] 1436 01:11:40,533 --> 01:11:42,000 [laughter] 1437 01:11:49,500 --> 01:11:51,800 [bell ringing] 1438 01:12:20,667 --> 01:12:25,133 (SINGING) We've gone so far, and we've reached so high. 1439 01:12:25,233 --> 01:12:30,100 And we've looked each day and night in the eye. 1440 01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:33,100 And we're still so young. 1441 01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:35,267 And we hope for more. 1442 01:12:38,633 --> 01:12:41,767 We've come a long way, but we're 1443 01:12:41,867 --> 01:12:44,500 not too sure where we've been. 1444 01:12:49,133 --> 01:12:51,100 We've had success. 1445 01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:54,667 We've had good times. 1446 01:12:54,767 --> 01:12:57,633 But remember this. 1447 01:12:57,733 --> 01:13:02,267 Being on this platform of life for so long. 1448 01:13:05,167 --> 01:13:10,433 Feel I've walked a thousand miles. 1449 01:13:10,533 --> 01:13:14,933 Sometimes stroll hand in hand with love. 1450 01:13:15,033 --> 01:13:18,333 Everybody's been there. 1451 01:13:18,433 --> 01:13:21,000 With pleasure on my mind, I would 1452 01:13:21,100 --> 01:13:25,567 stand on the line of hope. 1453 01:13:25,667 --> 01:13:29,000 And I knew I could make it. 1454 01:13:29,100 --> 01:13:31,967 Yes, I knew the boundaries. 1455 01:13:32,067 --> 01:13:36,967 I looked into the clouds as though my 1456 01:13:37,067 --> 01:13:40,367 face in the moonlight. 1457 01:13:40,467 --> 01:13:45,933 Just when I realized what a fool I could be-- just as I looked-- 1458 01:13:46,033 --> 01:13:48,100 [phone ringing] 1459 01:13:51,433 --> 01:13:53,900 (SINGING) Finding paradise wasn't easy, 1460 01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:56,900 but still, there's a war going down 1461 01:13:57,000 --> 01:14:01,300 the other side of this hill. 1462 01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:05,867 Never forget where you've come in from. 1463 01:14:05,967 --> 01:14:11,667 Never pretend that it's all real. 1464 01:14:11,767 --> 01:14:19,233 Someday soon this will all be someone else's dream. 1465 01:14:19,333 --> 01:14:23,400 This will be someone else's dream. 1466 01:14:23,500 --> 01:14:24,800 Never. 1467 01:14:24,900 --> 01:14:26,800 Everybody sing. 1468 01:14:26,900 --> 01:14:28,367 Oh, baby. 1469 01:14:28,467 --> 01:14:29,367 Never. 1470 01:14:29,467 --> 01:14:31,367 No, never. 1471 01:14:31,467 --> 01:14:33,767 Never forget. 1472 01:14:33,867 --> 01:14:35,167 Come on. 1473 01:14:35,267 --> 01:14:37,767 Everybody, everybody. 1474 01:14:37,867 --> 01:14:40,333 Everybody, everybody. 1475 01:14:40,433 --> 01:14:43,333 Everybody. 1476 01:14:43,433 --> 01:14:46,300 [applause] 1477 01:14:48,233 --> 01:14:52,700 (SINGING) Never forget where you've come in from. 1478 01:14:52,800 --> 01:14:58,100 Never pretend that it's all real. 1479 01:14:58,200 --> 01:15:04,500 Someday soon this will all be someone else's dream. 1480 01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:08,500 This will be someone else's dream. 1481 01:15:08,600 --> 01:15:13,067 We've come so far, and we've reached so high. 1482 01:15:13,167 --> 01:15:18,033 And we've looked each day and night in the eye. 1483 01:15:18,133 --> 01:15:20,767 Oi, sunrise. 1484 01:15:20,867 --> 01:15:23,300 Oi, sunrise. 1485 01:15:23,400 --> 01:15:24,700 [mumbling] 1486 01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:29,667 [theme music] 1487 01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:13,367 Only snag remaining-- these devil's dildos. 1488 01:16:13,467 --> 01:16:15,567 Have you a tonic of any description to stop me doing-- 1489 01:16:18,733 --> 01:16:23,200 that-- to passing strangers? 1490 01:16:23,300 --> 01:16:24,433 Hey, sleep on that one. 1491 01:16:27,900 --> 01:16:29,933 Lighten up a bit. 1492 01:16:30,033 --> 01:16:32,000 You look fucked, if I may say. 1493 01:16:32,100 --> 01:16:34,000 Grab 40 winks during the fire drill. 1494 01:16:34,100 --> 01:16:36,800 [alarm]