1 00:00:05,733 --> 00:00:07,500 FRANK (VOICEOVER): Now, nobody is saying that Chatsworth 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,800 Estate is the Garden of Eden, but it's 3 00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:14,467 been a good home to us, to me, Frank Gallagher and me kids, 4 00:00:14,567 --> 00:00:15,800 who I'm proud of. 5 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:20,067 'Cause every single one of them reminds me a little of me. 6 00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:22,267 They can all think for themselves, which 7 00:00:22,367 --> 00:00:24,433 they've got me to thank for. 8 00:00:24,533 --> 00:00:25,400 Quick, leg it! 9 00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:26,867 FRANK (VOICEOVER): Lip, who's a bit 10 00:00:26,967 --> 00:00:28,967 of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him "Philip" 11 00:00:29,067 --> 00:00:30,367 anymore. 12 00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:32,567 Ian, a lot like his mum, which handy for the others, 13 00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:34,633 'cause she's disappeared into thin air. 14 00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:36,000 And Carl. 15 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:37,533 We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons. 16 00:00:37,633 --> 00:00:40,500 One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah. 17 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:41,767 Two, nits love him. 18 00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,700 Debbie, sent by God, total angel. 19 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,800 You have to check your change, but she'll she go miles out 20 00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:49,200 of her way to do you a favor. 21 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:50,267 Plus, little Liam. 22 00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,467 She's gonna be a star someday. 23 00:00:52,567 --> 00:00:53,900 Sheila, me bird. 24 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,067 Couldn't be happier. 25 00:00:55,167 --> 00:00:57,300 One plate short of a full set, like. 26 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,633 And fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica. 27 00:01:00,733 --> 00:01:01,600 Lend you anything. 28 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,233 Well, almost anything. 29 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,533 Carol and Marty, the lodgers from Hell. 30 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,733 Last of the lonely hearts and a psychologist's wet dream. 31 00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,400 Still, nobody's perfect. 32 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:14,267 But all of them to a man know first and foremost one 33 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,567 of the most vital necessities in life 34 00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:19,900 is, they know how to throw a party! 35 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,000 Scatter! 36 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:28,700 DEBBIE (VOICEOVER): The thing about surprises 37 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,267 is, they're better to give than to receive, 38 00:01:31,367 --> 00:01:33,600 like 18th birthday parties. 39 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:35,100 The fun part's the planning. 40 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,633 You get to make the list, tick things off, delegate jobs, 41 00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:41,200 and be in charge while the other person you're doing it for just 42 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,167 has to pretend they haven't noticed. 43 00:01:43,267 --> 00:01:44,600 Which, of course, they always have. 44 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:46,067 Debs! 45 00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:47,333 DEBBIE (VOICEOVER): 'Cause everyone's acting so weird. 46 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,067 See you later. 47 00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:13,833 Come on. 48 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,800 Carl! 49 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:19,167 Who's put that there? 50 00:02:19,267 --> 00:02:21,467 Who puts a fucking pizza on a seat, like? 51 00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,567 DEBBIE (VOICEOVER): The real surprise in life, though, you 52 00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:24,633 never get any warning about. 53 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,833 Shit, shit, shit, shit! 54 00:02:42,933 --> 00:02:45,833 What the? 55 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,167 Oh, fucking hell! 56 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,033 [barking] 57 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,100 [coughing] 58 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,667 [whimpering] 59 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,467 Is there a next of kin? 60 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,167 WOMAN: There are two listed here, both wives. 61 00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:25,967 Which one should I call? 62 00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:27,500 Whichever one bloody answers. 63 00:03:33,267 --> 00:03:34,767 So where's me present, then? 64 00:03:34,867 --> 00:03:35,833 You'll have wait till tomorrow, 65 00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,033 down the Trafford Centre. 66 00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:40,467 Should I be worried? 67 00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:52,400 You guys, shit! 68 00:04:24,233 --> 00:04:27,200 Dad, Mom, over here. 69 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,233 Happy birthday, Philip! 70 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,800 Here's me baby! 71 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,367 I knew you'd miss me. 72 00:04:38,467 --> 00:04:40,067 Mwah. 73 00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:41,567 Take it, then. 74 00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:42,500 Thanks, Paddy. 75 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,100 You're welcome. 76 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,000 So you're a grown man now, Phillip, huh? 77 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,967 Coming of age. 78 00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:53,133 With that comes responsibility. 79 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:57,467 A knuckle duster? 80 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:01,800 Shane, Micky. 81 00:05:05,433 --> 00:05:07,133 Come on, then. 82 00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:08,467 Bring the box. 83 00:05:18,867 --> 00:05:19,700 Fuck you doing? 84 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,000 A little birthday treat. 85 00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,667 Our way of saying "welcome to the club." 86 00:05:22,767 --> 00:05:24,033 - No! - Go 87 00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,867 - On, give him one. - You're joking. 88 00:05:25,967 --> 00:05:27,467 I'm not hitting some random bloke. 89 00:05:27,567 --> 00:05:28,967 - He owes us money, don't you? - What? 90 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,333 Which means he owes you, Philip. 91 00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:31,433 He what? 92 00:05:31,533 --> 00:05:32,700 Well, I haven't exactly noticed you turning 93 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,000 into Rockefeller lately. 94 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,567 And if you're gonna swan about sponging off me, 95 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:38,567 then there's some jobs I want done. 96 00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:39,467 Right. 97 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:51,500 Give it to me. 98 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,500 Eh? 99 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:53,667 She's my daughter. 100 00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:54,767 I'll support her. 101 00:05:54,867 --> 00:05:55,933 Her and our Mandy. 102 00:05:56,033 --> 00:05:57,033 And I don't need help from you, Paddy. 103 00:05:57,133 --> 00:05:58,133 Fine, not another penny from us. 104 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,067 Let's see how long you last. 105 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:00,233 A lifetime. 106 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:03,733 PADDY: Mandy. 107 00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:06,300 I'm with Lip, Dad. 108 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,033 Leave it. 109 00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:11,267 There's more than one way to skin a cunt. 110 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:14,067 I was just saying, Patrick, hasn't 111 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:15,700 little Katie got Frank's eyes? 112 00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:25,967 What's going on? 113 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,067 Don't know. 114 00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:36,967 Nothing to see here, just some drunk 115 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,300 who set fire to his dinner. 116 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:43,667 Is he? 117 00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:45,067 He's our dad. 118 00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:46,233 He'll be fine. 119 00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:48,833 Live another day to waste our time. 120 00:06:48,933 --> 00:06:49,767 Might wanna give him this. 121 00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:56,533 Come on, Liam. 122 00:07:01,433 --> 00:07:03,067 Just through here, Mrs. Gallagher. 123 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,367 We've given him some fluids, pumped his stomach, 124 00:07:10,467 --> 00:07:12,800 and a rabies jab for his dog bites. 125 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:13,733 Quite a night he's had. 126 00:07:35,867 --> 00:07:39,500 Oi, open the fucking door! 127 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:40,933 Kev? 128 00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:41,933 Kev? 129 00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:42,833 Veronica? 130 00:07:42,933 --> 00:07:44,100 There's no answer. 131 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,400 He's still not back, Yvonne. 132 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,867 And there's 12 bottles of milk around there. 133 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,300 Well, where the hell are there? 134 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,233 Booze run don't take this long. 135 00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,400 Look, I've told you, I don't know where they are! 136 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,167 All Marty said was they were going abroad, 137 00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:00,900 and that they were sharing the driving. 138 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,667 Well, I lent 'em 200 quid. 139 00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:05,100 And now I found out there were 20 off of Lillian an all. 140 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,800 And 500 off Jess. 141 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:09,267 Oh, God, if they've done a runner, I'll have to move. 142 00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:10,733 They haven't done a runner, Carol. 143 00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:12,933 Look, if Kev and Veronica were doing a moonlight flip, 144 00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:14,700 they wouldn't take Marty with 'em, would they? 145 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,233 No, see? 146 00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:21,533 So they'll be back by tonight, I think they said. 147 00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:23,233 They promised me. 148 00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:26,333 And they promised me I'd have me money back last week. 149 00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:29,100 Three biggest lies are "big is beautiful," 150 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,900 "your check's in the post," and "I won't 151 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,200 come in your fucking mouth." 152 00:08:39,933 --> 00:08:42,833 God, women, eh? 153 00:08:42,933 --> 00:08:44,267 All is darkness without you till they 154 00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:46,033 get a ring on their finger. 155 00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,233 Then they can't stand by you in your hour of need. 156 00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,200 You set fire to your dinner, Frank. 157 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:52,367 Be thankful she's there the rest of the time. 158 00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:56,167 Oh, how silly of me to think someone cares. 159 00:08:56,267 --> 00:08:58,900 But the fact is, your mother would rather do a lattice 160 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,733 work pastries of Denmark of course 161 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:02,667 than save me from the flames. 162 00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:05,533 You should be on the stage. 163 00:09:05,633 --> 00:09:06,800 Same again, please, Jess. 164 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:07,700 All right, love. 165 00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:14,033 You're covered in sick. 166 00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:17,933 Son, you're ugly, but tomorrow I shall be clean. 167 00:09:18,033 --> 00:09:20,633 Oh, happy birthday, Lip. 168 00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:22,200 Oh, thanks, Jess. 169 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,467 So what did you get him then, Frank? 170 00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:26,000 BMW? 171 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:29,633 What I give my kiddies money can't buy. 172 00:09:29,733 --> 00:09:32,433 That's handy. 173 00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:35,000 Oh, right, '89. 174 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,700 CD from the year you were born. 175 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:37,633 Shall we put it on? 176 00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:38,833 Yeah, why not? 177 00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:41,233 Cheers, Jess. 178 00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:44,500 God, we nearly lost you in the womb, Phillip. 179 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,833 Yeah, Monica nigh on miscarried when Margaret 180 00:09:46,933 --> 00:09:48,100 fucked you up the arse. 181 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,833 Thatcher fucks us up the arse by getting in 182 00:09:49,933 --> 00:09:52,800 for "an historic third term." 183 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:54,967 Thank fuck ecstasy turned up. 184 00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:56,900 Happy Mondays indeed. 185 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,333 That's not right, Frank. 186 00:09:58,433 --> 00:10:00,533 She couldn't have been pregnant at election time. 187 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:01,933 That were '87. 188 00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:04,233 Look, Lillian, love, do you not think-- 189 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:05,933 11th of June, 1987. 190 00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,933 That were my Brendon's 40th. 191 00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:09,033 But we had to cancel the party. 192 00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:10,033 We were depressed. 193 00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:12,100 So we went to Brighton instead. 194 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,967 Great big hurricane. 195 00:10:14,067 --> 00:10:15,933 Brendon got hit with a flying beach hut. 196 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:18,600 Terrible year. 197 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:23,167 Oh, that's right. 'Cause you were born in '88. 198 00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:27,367 'Cause we registered you the year after. 199 00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:30,900 'Cause Year, we were gonna do it, but-- 200 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,300 But? 201 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,833 We ended up in Ladbrokes. 202 00:10:34,933 --> 00:10:35,967 Big win! 203 00:10:36,067 --> 00:10:40,000 [chuckling] Happy days. 204 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:41,800 Yeah, we went out and got wankered. 205 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:43,800 I think Monica left you on a bus. 206 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,167 So you're saying I were born in '88? 207 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,033 You having a fucking laugh? 208 00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:49,733 That means I'm 19! 209 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:52,067 18, 19 whatever. 210 00:10:52,167 --> 00:10:53,600 Whatever? 211 00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:55,300 That's my fucking life. 212 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,233 That means I went to school a year late. 213 00:10:57,333 --> 00:11:00,867 It means I were 18 a year ago. 214 00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:03,100 Happy birthday for last year, then. 215 00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,700 Mandy, Mandy! 216 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:18,667 He's coming, Debbie. 217 00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,767 OK, quick then. 218 00:11:20,867 --> 00:11:24,467 Happy birthday, Philip! 219 00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:25,800 Tada! 220 00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:26,933 Sorry about the cake. 221 00:11:27,033 --> 00:11:28,500 Sheila's one got melted in the fire. 222 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,267 Thanks to Dad. 223 00:11:29,367 --> 00:11:31,367 Don't worry about it. 224 00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:32,133 It's great. 225 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,633 Go on, then, make a wish. 226 00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:37,933 Mum. 227 00:11:38,033 --> 00:11:38,933 Happy birthday. 228 00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:40,267 What are you doing here? 229 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:45,233 Well, I'm not gonna Lip's 19th birthday, am I? 230 00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:46,833 Happy birthday, darling. 231 00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:48,800 Well, you missed Fiona's. 232 00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:50,167 You always miss her. 233 00:11:50,267 --> 00:11:51,867 You never even send a card. 234 00:11:51,967 --> 00:11:53,333 Yeah, well, that was the past. 235 00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:54,100 I'm here now. 236 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,667 So happy birthday. 237 00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:58,400 Someone gonna get us a drink? 238 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,600 Yeah, I'll go and get it now. 239 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:01,667 Thanks. 240 00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:04,200 Uh, Mum, this is Mandy. 241 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,333 Oh, all right, Mandy. 242 00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:07,533 Got him a present, then? 243 00:12:07,633 --> 00:12:08,267 Oh yeah. 244 00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:11,200 I've got you all presents. 245 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:14,500 This is for Debbie. 246 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,633 And this is for Carl. 247 00:12:17,733 --> 00:12:20,000 Oh yeah, and this is for Liam. 248 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,600 Where's Norma? 249 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,033 Well, I'm not gonna bring Norma, am I? 250 00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:25,467 Well, you usually do. 251 00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:26,900 She's your girlfriend. 252 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,800 We're not joined at the hip, Debbie. 253 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:30,700 Go on, then. 254 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,300 Open your prezzies. 255 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,033 Here, Mum. 256 00:12:34,133 --> 00:12:35,133 Oh, ta, love. 257 00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:55,733 You can cut the act now, Mum. 258 00:12:55,833 --> 00:12:59,367 Norma's thrown you out, hasn't she? 259 00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:00,300 No. 260 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,267 Oh yeah? 261 00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:03,533 Then why is all your stuff outside? 262 00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:06,567 You've not come back for Lip's birthday at all. 263 00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:08,800 Not just that, no, Debbie. 264 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:12,367 But Norma hasn't thrown me out. 265 00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:14,567 I've left her. 266 00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:19,367 I've come back to be with my babies for good. 267 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,500 Debbie, we can't kick her out. 268 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,500 It's still technically her house. 269 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,733 Well, she can't just come back whenever she feels like it. 270 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:32,600 She hasn't even said sorry. 271 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:33,833 Well, I'm glad she's back. 272 00:13:33,933 --> 00:13:35,200 She'll just take over. 273 00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,533 And she won't pay her own way. 274 00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:39,633 Will you just tell her that it's not a hotel? 275 00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:40,900 Come on, Debs. 276 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,733 Look, you're just gonna have to ignore her. 277 00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:45,067 Hopefully, she'll fuck off soon. 278 00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:46,867 I'm not gonna deny Katie her grandma. 279 00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:47,767 I'm sorry. 280 00:13:57,767 --> 00:13:59,633 Wicked! 281 00:13:59,733 --> 00:14:01,700 Fuck, shit! 282 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:02,600 Oops. 283 00:14:05,733 --> 00:14:06,567 Oh no! 284 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,500 What you doing, Debs? 285 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,367 Oh my God, no! 286 00:14:16,467 --> 00:14:17,900 MAN (ON TV): A Manchester couple that's 287 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,333 been arrested in Romania for trying to buy and orphan baby. 288 00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:19,967 Quick, you lot, come and have a look at this! 289 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,467 Lip! 290 00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:22,400 What is it? 291 00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:25,933 On the telly, look! 292 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,633 MAN (ON TV): Save the dwindling lapwing. 293 00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:28,833 Good evening. 294 00:14:28,933 --> 00:14:31,533 Kevin and Veronica Ball from Manchester 295 00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:33,100 were arrested in Bucharest yesterday 296 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,267 after trying to buy a baby from a Romanian orphanage. 297 00:14:36,367 --> 00:14:37,567 Shit. 298 00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:39,200 Veronica. 299 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,733 MAN (ON TV): Stephanie Williams is 300 00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:43,800 with the foreign office official outside court in Bucharest. 301 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,933 He's awaiting the couple's arrival. 302 00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:47,267 INTERVIEWER: Can you tell us the situation 303 00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,767 regarding the English couple this morning? 304 00:14:49,867 --> 00:14:52,400 We at the foreign office are doing everything in our power 305 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,633 to get the two British nationals extradited, 306 00:14:54,733 --> 00:14:57,633 and we believe there's every hope of success. 307 00:14:57,733 --> 00:14:59,000 Is the media right? 308 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,533 Get off me! 309 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:01,500 Veronica! 310 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,400 Get off me! 311 00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,700 Oof. Come on, V. 312 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:08,800 Cool. 313 00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,300 KEV: She didn't mean that! 314 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,033 V! 315 00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:12,933 Hey, we're innocent! 316 00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:14,433 Get off her! 317 00:15:14,533 --> 00:15:15,400 VERONICA: Kev, Kev! 318 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:16,333 KEV: Get off her! 319 00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:18,033 On the other hand, I think they 320 00:15:18,133 --> 00:15:20,400 could be looking at six years. 321 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,600 He's my son! 322 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:22,567 He's my son! 323 00:15:22,667 --> 00:15:24,767 We paid good money for him! 324 00:15:24,867 --> 00:15:26,267 Fucking hell, Kev. 325 00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:29,567 Looks like the end of my money, then. 326 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:34,600 Hey, neither a lender nor borrower be, Jez. 327 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,333 Is there any chance of getting another drink? 328 00:15:37,433 --> 00:15:39,267 Oh my God, I don't believe it. 329 00:15:39,367 --> 00:15:41,600 Me own daughter, a criminal. 330 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,300 Sue, you knew all about this? 331 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,800 They made me promise not to say. 332 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:50,033 And what's up happened to Marty? 333 00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:52,367 God, what have they done? 334 00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:54,967 And these are your neighbors? 335 00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:55,900 [clattering] 336 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:56,800 What now? 337 00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:05,400 What the? 338 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,267 What do you think you're doing? 339 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,900 This is my daughter's house. 340 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,867 Bit slow off the mark, aren't you? 341 00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:12,700 You ought to get yourself Sky News. 342 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,667 We heard about this house going at 6:00 this morning. 343 00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:16,633 You what? 344 00:16:16,733 --> 00:16:18,267 Hey, you should be made up. 345 00:16:18,367 --> 00:16:20,800 Council could've had any riffraff in here. 346 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:21,933 Hey, Paddy. 347 00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:22,867 What? 348 00:16:22,967 --> 00:16:24,167 You can't do this. 349 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:26,000 This is Kev and Veronica's stuff. 350 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,167 Well, they're in fucking jail, darling. 351 00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,333 Look, Paddy, you can't just start taking over the place. 352 00:16:30,433 --> 00:16:31,067 PADDY: Oh yeah? 353 00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,367 You tell him, Lip. 354 00:16:32,467 --> 00:16:34,767 And who's gonna stop me, Mr. Tough guy, eh? 355 00:16:34,867 --> 00:16:36,333 I'm Monica, Lip's mum. 356 00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:39,167 'Cause the thing is, when my wee Mandy gets sick and tired 357 00:16:39,267 --> 00:16:41,100 of being cramped in there with you lot, 358 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,300 she's got somewhere else to go. 359 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,267 Handy, Katie's grandparents being right next door, 360 00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:47,000 isn't it? 361 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:49,233 Blinding bit of luck. 362 00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:50,733 Oh, so that's what all this is about. 363 00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:53,000 You just wanna be here, breathing down our necks. 364 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,967 Watching as you fail. 365 00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:59,867 Looking after our own. 366 00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:02,100 Oh, the leopard coat, where is it? 367 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,067 I haven't thrown that out yet. 368 00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,333 Oh, well, it wouldn't fit you, would it? 369 00:17:06,433 --> 00:17:09,067 Oh, well, you can wear it, then, on your face. 370 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,100 Well, you're never out the bog these days. 371 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,233 Yeah, well, they said thyroid can make you go a bit. 372 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:24,000 Come on, Jeff You're about to pop. 373 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,467 I'm not that thick. 374 00:17:25,567 --> 00:17:28,533 Right, and not a word to anyone, or you're dead meat. 375 00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:32,000 And then how long do you think you can keep that a secret for? 376 00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,967 Well, I've managed for seven months. 377 00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:37,167 A couple of tents upstairs. 378 00:17:37,267 --> 00:17:39,400 So you let a bloke-- 379 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:40,700 Did I fuck? 380 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,033 The only thing that got spunk was a huge wad of cash. 381 00:17:43,133 --> 00:17:43,967 They're a nice couple. 382 00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:45,800 They can't have their own. 383 00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:47,000 Earn while I earn. 384 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,800 Good racket, this surrogacy business. 385 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:53,800 Eh, top tip, free dental care. 386 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:56,200 Might get me bridge done. 387 00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,833 You should start with your brain. 388 00:17:58,933 --> 00:18:00,933 Up two more. 389 00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:02,900 Nearly there. 390 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,167 What are you doing, you soft thing? 391 00:18:04,267 --> 00:18:05,233 Shh! Come on, come on. 392 00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:10,100 Nearly there, nearly. 393 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,667 Forward, forward, forward, forward. 394 00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:13,600 Stop. 395 00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:18,767 [chuckling] 396 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,800 One more step. 397 00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:26,367 There we go. 398 00:18:26,467 --> 00:18:27,767 Tada. 399 00:18:27,867 --> 00:18:30,200 Oh, Paddy. 400 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:31,300 I don't believe it. 401 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,367 I thought we'd celebrate our new home in style. 402 00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:52,467 You-- you would not keep your clothes on. 403 00:18:52,567 --> 00:18:55,400 Straight on the floor, and then slapping your nappies up 404 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,567 against the wall. 405 00:18:57,667 --> 00:18:59,167 What was I like? 406 00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:00,533 You were no trouble. 407 00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:03,067 No, it was Liam was the difficult one. 408 00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:05,167 Had terrible postnatal depression, 409 00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:07,467 and you dad was no help. 410 00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:11,833 Just took all me pills, left me in total misery. 411 00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,200 Debs, hungry. 412 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,867 Well, get Mum to make you some breakfast, then. 413 00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:16,533 It's no problem. 414 00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:19,067 Have to be veggie, though, 'cause I don't touch meat. 415 00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:20,667 I don't mind. 416 00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:22,833 See what we've got. 417 00:19:22,933 --> 00:19:23,933 Morning, Mandy, Lip. 418 00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:24,967 Cup of tea? 419 00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,800 Yeah, thanks. 420 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,200 Pass me the sick bucket. 421 00:19:34,867 --> 00:19:35,967 I heard that, Debbie. 422 00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:36,900 Good. 423 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,200 She's right, though, Mum. 424 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,767 We deserve an explanation. 425 00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:41,400 Why are you back? 426 00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:43,900 Look, I know this is gonna take a little bit of time 427 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,200 to work through, and-- 428 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:46,267 [pop] 429 00:19:46,367 --> 00:19:47,600 You've had six years. 430 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:51,233 And four months. 431 00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:53,500 That Look, this has been very difficult for me, 432 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:54,600 very traumatic. 433 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:56,667 It's been torture for me having to leave you lot 434 00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:59,300 and then moving to Moston and rattling around 435 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,067 inside that great big house when I was used 436 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,500 to kids, and mess, and noise. 437 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:09,700 And anyway, if you love someone, you forgive them. 438 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,600 Don't you? 439 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,600 It's all right, Debbie. 440 00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:29,967 I know it might take you a little bit longer. 441 00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:31,033 Do you want to go shopping? 442 00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:45,133 Hello? 443 00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:52,333 And how is my little princess this morning? 444 00:20:52,433 --> 00:20:54,067 All the better for seeing you. 445 00:21:00,567 --> 00:21:09,100 Now, then, what do you think to a full mirrored ceiling? 446 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:14,733 Fabulous, as long as you're on top. 447 00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:15,667 Put your tea down. 448 00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:25,300 What the fuck do you want? 449 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,333 You're supposed to be on a job! 450 00:21:28,433 --> 00:21:31,733 Breakfast. 451 00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:34,267 [singing] 452 00:21:37,533 --> 00:21:39,567 Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? 453 00:21:43,433 --> 00:21:44,700 Couldn't we just kill her, Debbie? 454 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,100 That'd get rid of her. 455 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:47,767 Yeah, lead pipe, rope, or candlestick? 456 00:21:47,867 --> 00:21:48,700 Keep an eye out. 457 00:21:52,167 --> 00:21:54,633 [singing] 458 00:22:17,967 --> 00:22:21,133 Debbie, what are you doing? 459 00:22:25,233 --> 00:22:29,667 Well, for your information, Debbie, Norma isn't at home. 460 00:22:29,767 --> 00:22:32,233 She's actually driving a lorry to Germany, 461 00:22:32,333 --> 00:22:34,367 and she doesn't have a mobile. 462 00:22:34,467 --> 00:22:36,100 Thinks they make you infertile. 463 00:22:39,967 --> 00:22:41,167 Now, listen, love. 464 00:22:41,267 --> 00:22:42,933 I know you've been a bit funny with me, 465 00:22:43,033 --> 00:22:46,300 but really, we do have to learn to get along. 466 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:50,267 How did Norma take it, you leaving? 467 00:22:50,367 --> 00:22:53,033 Well, naturally, she was very upset, 468 00:22:53,133 --> 00:22:56,633 but she's had to learn to accept it. 469 00:22:56,733 --> 00:22:57,900 What were you rowing about? 470 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,567 Everything. 471 00:22:59,667 --> 00:23:02,100 She's always going on a-- 472 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,033 actually, Debbie, I don't really want to get into it. 473 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:08,067 It's very painful having to leave somebody. 474 00:23:08,167 --> 00:23:10,267 Just be thankful that you're too young to know. 475 00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:16,433 Right, I better ring a plumber. 476 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:25,400 Good to see you mad it to Lip's party, then. 477 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:26,400 Last night. 478 00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:27,333 Mum managed. 479 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:31,967 Fuck off! 480 00:23:32,067 --> 00:23:33,967 Yeah, for good, apparently. 481 00:23:34,067 --> 00:23:35,233 She's "come home." 482 00:23:39,133 --> 00:23:44,367 Monica back here? 483 00:23:44,467 --> 00:23:47,233 Oh, you can show her your wedding photos, Frank. 484 00:23:47,333 --> 00:23:48,833 'Cause what I've heard off Kev, she'd 485 00:23:48,933 --> 00:23:50,800 be very interested in those, seeing 486 00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:52,200 she's still married to you. 487 00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:53,667 Yeah, yeah, all right. 488 00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:55,133 Just get us another pint and a couple of these, Jezzie. 489 00:23:58,633 --> 00:24:01,533 All right. 490 00:24:01,633 --> 00:24:03,067 Hurry up, Lip. 491 00:24:03,167 --> 00:24:06,000 This had better be a quick one before shopping. 492 00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:09,867 Debbie, Debbie, what the fuck does your want? 493 00:24:09,967 --> 00:24:12,300 I don't know, but she's up to summat. 494 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,067 Jez, any chance I can use your CB radio? 495 00:24:18,533 --> 00:24:19,933 JEZ (ON RADIO): Breaker, breaker, this is 496 00:24:20,033 --> 00:24:21,000 Jockey Bird calling Big Beaver. 497 00:24:21,100 --> 00:24:22,100 Do you copy? 498 00:24:24,967 --> 00:24:25,800 Hey, hey, Jockey Bird. 499 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,167 Long time. 500 00:24:27,267 --> 00:24:28,133 Hey, you'll have to speak up. 501 00:24:28,233 --> 00:24:29,467 Me ballet dancer's broken. 502 00:24:29,567 --> 00:24:30,567 Over. 503 00:24:30,667 --> 00:24:32,833 Some buddy boy blow your doors off, did he? 504 00:24:32,933 --> 00:24:33,900 NORMA: Hah hah. 505 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,433 Jez? 506 00:24:35,533 --> 00:24:37,600 Oh, Big Beaver, I've got an ankle-biter that wants a yapper 507 00:24:37,700 --> 00:24:39,200 in your big hole, and-- 508 00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:40,767 Norma, it's Debbie. 509 00:24:40,867 --> 00:24:42,667 Hey, no first-personal, breaker. 510 00:24:42,767 --> 00:24:44,867 They're reading my mail here. 511 00:24:44,967 --> 00:24:47,067 Mum's back, and she said she's staying. 512 00:24:47,167 --> 00:24:49,533 Did you throw her out? 513 00:24:49,633 --> 00:24:51,433 Over. 514 00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:52,467 Did I fuck? 515 00:24:52,567 --> 00:24:55,300 She's gone nowhere, you cheeky little. 516 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:56,633 Hey, you're making this up. 517 00:24:56,733 --> 00:24:58,833 My Mon's at the base station, where I left her. 518 00:24:58,933 --> 00:25:00,567 10-4. 519 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:02,533 That-- that's a negative, Big Beaver. 520 00:25:02,633 --> 00:25:04,133 Ankle-biter's straight up. 521 00:25:04,233 --> 00:25:05,533 Your good buddy Beaver's returned 522 00:25:05,633 --> 00:25:07,133 to the Village of the Damned and Alligator Radio. 523 00:25:10,433 --> 00:25:13,867 I think she needs you to fight for her, Norma. 524 00:25:13,967 --> 00:25:16,100 I'll put some motion lotion in me pickle park and stand 525 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,400 on the hammer of me triple digit ride 526 00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:19,267 for the fastest ever flip-flop. 527 00:25:19,367 --> 00:25:20,200 Out. 528 00:25:22,700 --> 00:25:23,500 She's coming home. 529 00:25:28,233 --> 00:25:30,367 Hey, what you doing, you cheeky bastard? 530 00:25:30,467 --> 00:25:31,300 What? 531 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:32,200 Mum, 2:00. 532 00:25:36,267 --> 00:25:37,600 Have you seen your dad? 533 00:25:40,933 --> 00:25:42,800 - Why do you want him? - Don't matter. 534 00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:43,833 It'll keep. 535 00:25:43,933 --> 00:25:45,700 He'll be in soon enough. 536 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,267 We'll just have to wait here, won't we, Katie? 537 00:25:48,367 --> 00:25:50,300 What are you having? 538 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:54,000 I'll have a juice, pineapple, with vodka in it, thanks. 539 00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:55,000 Double. 540 00:25:55,100 --> 00:25:56,533 Yeah, why not? 541 00:26:04,133 --> 00:26:05,867 Ooh, look at you. 542 00:26:05,967 --> 00:26:07,867 That's nice. 543 00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:10,067 Yeah, but we need to talk. 544 00:26:10,167 --> 00:26:12,467 And what's all this about? 545 00:26:12,567 --> 00:26:13,400 Eh? 546 00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:14,700 Unless you've been to rob the bank, 547 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,667 there's no way we can afford this. 548 00:26:17,767 --> 00:26:19,467 No, you're right. 549 00:26:19,567 --> 00:26:21,033 We can't. 550 00:26:21,133 --> 00:26:23,000 It's always been my fantasy to shag a man in a suit. 551 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:28,867 Happy birthday. 552 00:26:28,967 --> 00:26:29,767 Thanks. 553 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,467 Sue, Sue! 554 00:26:41,567 --> 00:26:43,733 Can you fuck off downstairs for an hour? 555 00:26:43,833 --> 00:26:45,867 15 minutes is enough. 556 00:26:45,967 --> 00:26:47,000 Who's he? 557 00:26:47,100 --> 00:26:48,000 Plumber. 558 00:26:48,100 --> 00:26:49,200 Oh, I need some comfort, Sue. 559 00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:50,200 My daughter's in prison. 560 00:26:50,300 --> 00:26:51,633 I'm a broken woman. 561 00:26:51,733 --> 00:26:53,467 You think sharing a room with Tutankhamen 562 00:26:53,567 --> 00:26:55,267 does Deep Throat is making my day? 563 00:26:55,367 --> 00:26:58,233 Why not you stay too? 564 00:26:58,333 --> 00:26:59,133 Ugh! 565 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,933 [chuckling] 566 00:27:05,033 --> 00:27:06,800 Is this where you keep your little stopcock? 567 00:27:14,667 --> 00:27:16,500 Up your arse! 568 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:17,267 Marty! 569 00:27:17,367 --> 00:27:19,367 Oh, Marty, thank God. 570 00:27:19,467 --> 00:27:20,600 I've got something for you. 571 00:27:35,267 --> 00:27:38,833 Kev set it up on the internet, so we drove over. 572 00:27:38,933 --> 00:27:41,333 But as soon as we handed the money to the orphanage owner, 573 00:27:41,433 --> 00:27:42,500 we got raided. 574 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:43,433 Shit. 575 00:27:45,333 --> 00:27:47,933 Veronica grabbed the baby and stuffed him in the car with me, 576 00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:50,133 but the cops grabbed 'em. 577 00:27:50,233 --> 00:27:51,333 Veronica was yelling "drive." 578 00:27:51,433 --> 00:27:52,833 Fuck off. 579 00:27:52,933 --> 00:27:54,633 "Fucking drive," so I did. 580 00:27:54,733 --> 00:27:56,433 I drove off and left 'em. 581 00:27:56,533 --> 00:27:57,567 Fucking turncoat! 582 00:27:57,667 --> 00:28:00,200 You would have been nicked if you hadn't. 583 00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:02,533 I didn't know what to do. 584 00:28:02,633 --> 00:28:05,200 I was too scared to drive the car back, so I hitched. 585 00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:12,967 Fuck it! 586 00:28:13,067 --> 00:28:13,933 [crying] 587 00:28:14,033 --> 00:28:15,100 Stolen baby! 588 00:28:23,933 --> 00:28:26,800 Fuck it! 589 00:28:26,900 --> 00:28:29,333 [crying] 590 00:28:31,833 --> 00:28:33,300 When did you last sleep, Marty? 591 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,067 Don't know. 592 00:28:36,167 --> 00:28:37,767 Why won't he stop crying? 593 00:28:37,867 --> 00:28:39,167 I haven't hurt him, have I? 594 00:28:39,267 --> 00:28:40,333 So what are you gonna do? 595 00:28:40,433 --> 00:28:41,667 Are you gonna keep it? - 'Course not. 596 00:28:41,767 --> 00:28:42,633 I want to. 597 00:28:42,733 --> 00:28:43,567 Debbie? 598 00:28:46,533 --> 00:28:48,767 What's going on with all that crying? 599 00:28:48,867 --> 00:28:50,033 It's Katie. 600 00:28:50,133 --> 00:28:53,133 She doesn't like having strangers in the house. 601 00:28:53,233 --> 00:28:55,067 I am not a stranger, Debbie. 602 00:28:55,167 --> 00:28:57,933 And I do not appreciate you putting my kashmir 603 00:28:58,033 --> 00:29:01,000 jumper on a boil wash. 604 00:29:01,100 --> 00:29:02,167 Is that not what it goes on? 605 00:29:02,267 --> 00:29:03,567 - 606 00:29:03,667 --> 00:29:05,333 I don't know how much longer I can put up with this, Debbie. 607 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,000 He stopped crying. 608 00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:11,867 He likes you. 609 00:29:11,967 --> 00:29:12,800 No, he doesn't. 610 00:29:12,900 --> 00:29:13,700 Yeah, he does. 611 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,467 Look. 612 00:29:16,567 --> 00:29:17,633 See? 613 00:29:17,733 --> 00:29:20,133 He wants you to be his mum. 614 00:29:20,233 --> 00:29:21,633 Marty, you're being insane. 615 00:29:44,267 --> 00:29:46,933 All right, Frank? 616 00:29:47,033 --> 00:29:49,300 Monica. 617 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:50,700 We've got some catching up to do. 618 00:29:55,133 --> 00:29:57,433 Who'd have thought it, eh, Frank? 619 00:29:57,533 --> 00:29:59,000 Little Lip, 19. 620 00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:01,200 You and me, grandparents. 621 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:04,033 We don't seem old enough, do we? 622 00:30:04,133 --> 00:30:05,800 He's had it easy, though, hasn't he? 623 00:30:05,900 --> 00:30:07,967 I mean, kids these days, they don't know they're born. 624 00:30:08,067 --> 00:30:10,233 When I was Lip's age, I'd done time, 625 00:30:10,333 --> 00:30:14,133 got crabs, knocked up six girls, fought off bailiffs. 626 00:30:14,233 --> 00:30:17,600 Not many kids these days can say that, can they? 627 00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:20,100 Remember when we met, Frank? 628 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,767 1979, ripper year. 629 00:30:22,867 --> 00:30:25,233 They had you in four times. 630 00:30:25,333 --> 00:30:26,833 God, like it was yesterday. 631 00:30:26,933 --> 00:30:28,367 Thought you'd stood me up. 632 00:30:28,467 --> 00:30:29,967 Thought you weren't interested. 633 00:30:30,067 --> 00:30:30,900 Me? 634 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,300 No, of course I was. 635 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,100 Then I proposed to you outside Aytoun dole office. 636 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,567 Thought I was up the duff. 637 00:30:37,667 --> 00:30:42,833 Never thought you'd say yes, but you did. 638 00:30:42,933 --> 00:30:44,267 And we got married. 639 00:30:44,367 --> 00:30:48,133 So have the kids said anything to you about, you know, 640 00:30:48,233 --> 00:30:50,267 Sheila and me? 641 00:30:50,367 --> 00:30:51,200 Sheila? 642 00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:52,133 Yeah. 643 00:30:52,233 --> 00:30:54,833 What sort of thing? 644 00:30:54,933 --> 00:30:57,167 I do! 645 00:30:57,267 --> 00:30:59,533 Never got the divorce through from Monica in the end. 646 00:30:59,633 --> 00:31:02,267 So it's not legal anyway. 647 00:31:02,367 --> 00:31:06,633 Anyway, better go and get the twins and Debbie. 648 00:31:06,733 --> 00:31:07,933 Don't wanna take advantage. 649 00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:10,600 Actually Frank, I think I'll come with you. 650 00:31:10,700 --> 00:31:13,133 I'd like to see where you live probably. 651 00:31:13,233 --> 00:31:16,100 Yeah, but the thing is, Monica, 652 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,567 you know, it's, you know, Sheila, me girlfriend. 653 00:31:18,667 --> 00:31:19,900 She's-- 654 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,400 Yeah, but she's away doing a cookery course, isn't she? 655 00:31:22,500 --> 00:31:23,800 Kids told me. 656 00:31:23,900 --> 00:31:26,900 Well, yeah, she just probably wouldn't in-- in effect, but-- 657 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:27,800 Come on. 658 00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:30,500 See-- 659 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:31,333 Sue, please! 660 00:31:31,433 --> 00:31:33,800 We-- we'd be a proper family. 661 00:31:33,900 --> 00:31:35,633 I don't know what that is, Marty. 662 00:31:35,733 --> 00:31:37,633 We don't know anything about looking after a baby. 663 00:31:37,733 --> 00:31:39,000 Well, we could learn. 664 00:31:39,100 --> 00:31:42,900 And then there's the police, social services. 665 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,800 Look, Kev and Veronica bought him. 666 00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:47,700 Someone else would. 667 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:48,633 You could sell him. 668 00:31:48,733 --> 00:31:49,567 What? 669 00:31:49,667 --> 00:31:50,933 On eBay? 670 00:31:51,033 --> 00:31:52,867 All right, leave him at Maternity. 671 00:31:52,967 --> 00:31:54,233 They'll take care of him. 672 00:31:54,333 --> 00:31:56,367 You've got me number, Pawel. 673 00:31:59,933 --> 00:32:00,967 Ooh, what a man. 674 00:32:01,067 --> 00:32:01,933 Big hands he had. 675 00:32:02,033 --> 00:32:02,867 Did you see? 676 00:32:02,967 --> 00:32:05,567 Ooh, saucy bugger. 677 00:32:05,667 --> 00:32:07,233 Oh my God. 678 00:32:07,333 --> 00:32:11,267 Marty, oh thank the good Lord. 679 00:32:11,367 --> 00:32:13,067 I've been beside meself. 680 00:32:13,167 --> 00:32:16,433 You've no idea what you put me-- 681 00:32:16,533 --> 00:32:18,367 tell me you didn't bring that back. 682 00:32:18,467 --> 00:32:19,933 Yeah, I have. 683 00:32:20,033 --> 00:32:21,033 Your grandson. 684 00:32:21,133 --> 00:32:23,267 He's no grandson of mine. 685 00:32:23,367 --> 00:32:25,733 People will think I had foreign blood in me. 686 00:32:25,833 --> 00:32:27,967 You didn't seem to mind last night. 687 00:32:28,067 --> 00:32:30,067 He's from Basingstoke. 688 00:32:30,167 --> 00:32:31,133 Mum, I wanna keep him. 689 00:32:31,233 --> 00:32:32,367 You'll help me, won't you? 690 00:32:32,467 --> 00:32:34,933 Marty Fisher, you can't even keep a job! 691 00:32:35,033 --> 00:32:36,900 She's no better. 692 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,567 I'm not getting involved. - She's right. 693 00:32:38,667 --> 00:32:41,000 I'm sorry, Marty, but for once, me and your mum agree. 694 00:32:44,467 --> 00:32:46,867 Sorry, Billy. 695 00:32:46,967 --> 00:32:48,767 [honking] 696 00:32:48,867 --> 00:32:49,700 Norma! 697 00:32:55,900 --> 00:32:57,133 Someone to see you, Mum! 698 00:33:01,333 --> 00:33:02,100 Norma. 699 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,233 Oh, well, I'll-- 700 00:33:03,333 --> 00:33:04,700 What do you think you're doing? 701 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,433 What's all this about, leaving me? 702 00:33:07,533 --> 00:33:08,433 Deb, twins? 703 00:33:08,533 --> 00:33:09,200 Kitchen. 704 00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:10,200 What are you doing here? 705 00:33:10,300 --> 00:33:11,600 Well, Debbie got us on the CB. 706 00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:12,600 Well, obviously confused-- 707 00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:13,733 I told you not to interfere! 708 00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:15,433 Hey, well, it's a good job she did. 709 00:33:15,533 --> 00:33:18,867 You've lost your beauty marbles, you have! 710 00:33:18,967 --> 00:33:20,167 Hey. 711 00:33:20,267 --> 00:33:22,633 Hey, is this about that lazy-eyed shelf stacker? 712 00:33:22,733 --> 00:33:23,867 You what? 713 00:33:23,967 --> 00:33:26,033 The one you was flirting with in Iceland. 714 00:33:26,133 --> 00:33:29,167 She was helping me reach the raspberry ripple! 715 00:33:29,267 --> 00:33:31,000 Which is more than you were doing! 716 00:33:31,100 --> 00:33:34,100 I've told you, that crap is full of E numbers. 717 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:35,300 I don't care. 718 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,200 I wanted it. 719 00:33:36,300 --> 00:33:37,967 I'm not a child, Norma. 720 00:33:38,067 --> 00:33:39,967 I can decide for meself what I want. 721 00:33:40,067 --> 00:33:41,533 All right, all right. 722 00:33:41,633 --> 00:33:44,833 We'll get your fucking raspberry ripple, and all the other shite 723 00:33:44,933 --> 00:33:46,567 you've been banging on about. 724 00:33:46,667 --> 00:33:50,767 Don't blame me when you get polycystic ovaries. 725 00:33:50,867 --> 00:33:55,700 Right, now, get your bag, you daft bint, and hurry home. 726 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,367 I'm not coming home, Norma. 727 00:33:59,467 --> 00:34:02,667 I'm staying with me family. 728 00:34:02,767 --> 00:34:03,600 What? 729 00:34:03,700 --> 00:34:04,600 I meant it. 730 00:34:04,700 --> 00:34:06,333 God's spoken to me. 731 00:34:06,433 --> 00:34:10,033 Sort of, I've had an epiphany. 732 00:34:10,133 --> 00:34:10,967 No, Norma. 733 00:34:11,067 --> 00:34:12,067 Don't listen. 734 00:34:12,167 --> 00:34:13,700 She'll get you whatever you want. 735 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,133 Won't you, Norma? 736 00:34:16,233 --> 00:34:17,433 You can't stay here anyway. 737 00:34:17,533 --> 00:34:20,733 It's too cramped, and we don't want you here. 738 00:34:20,833 --> 00:34:22,833 Oh, that's right. 739 00:34:22,933 --> 00:34:27,700 Hate me all for one fucking mistake! 740 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,033 I'm such a bad mother, aren't I? 741 00:34:29,133 --> 00:34:30,967 Such a bad fucking person! 742 00:34:31,067 --> 00:34:31,900 Hey, it's all right. 743 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,467 Calm down. 744 00:34:33,567 --> 00:34:36,867 How can I, when she hates me, and she runs circles around me 745 00:34:36,967 --> 00:34:39,100 so I can't think straight? 746 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,333 She doesn't hate you, Mum. 747 00:34:41,433 --> 00:34:42,367 None of us do. 748 00:34:42,467 --> 00:34:44,000 I don't understand what this is about. 749 00:34:44,100 --> 00:34:45,833 Which one of you did this? 750 00:34:45,933 --> 00:34:47,167 I'll fucking have you! 751 00:34:47,267 --> 00:34:49,167 Oh, for Christ's sake, Norma. 752 00:34:49,267 --> 00:34:52,033 Nothing is ever good enough. 753 00:34:55,100 --> 00:34:59,800 And it's so hard, being gay. 754 00:34:59,900 --> 00:35:03,067 You don't know how hard it is, Ian. 755 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:18,633 It's the right thing to do, Marty. 756 00:35:25,033 --> 00:35:29,067 On the way home, he kept shaking. 757 00:35:29,167 --> 00:35:31,000 They all do it in the orphanage. 758 00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:36,133 It's what they do when they've never had any love. 759 00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:43,733 Agh! 760 00:35:43,833 --> 00:35:45,467 Leaky tit! 761 00:35:45,567 --> 00:35:47,400 [knocking] MAN: Open up in there. 762 00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:48,433 It's the police. 763 00:35:48,533 --> 00:35:50,000 I'm not parked in a double yellow, am I? 764 00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:53,533 MAN: We're looking for Marty Fisher. 765 00:35:53,633 --> 00:35:54,500 Come on, you tit! 766 00:35:59,833 --> 00:36:01,333 Stan, what can we do for you? 767 00:36:01,433 --> 00:36:03,500 PC Waterman, to you, and don't you forget it. 768 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:04,433 You what? 769 00:36:04,533 --> 00:36:05,400 PC Waterman. 770 00:36:05,500 --> 00:36:08,533 And this is my new PC, Tom O'Leary. 771 00:36:08,633 --> 00:36:09,733 Well, where is he, then? 772 00:36:09,833 --> 00:36:11,800 Oh, I've not seen either of 'em for weeks, Stan. 773 00:36:11,900 --> 00:36:13,100 I'm out of me mind. 774 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:14,733 Yeah, well, we've been tipped off that he's 775 00:36:14,833 --> 00:36:16,333 here with the stolen baby, so. 776 00:36:16,433 --> 00:36:17,167 What? 777 00:36:17,267 --> 00:36:18,600 We've had a call from Monica. 778 00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:19,833 Where is Monica? 779 00:36:19,933 --> 00:36:21,100 No, Stan. 780 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:25,400 Sorry, PC Waterman, not without a warrant. 781 00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:26,767 Stay here. 782 00:36:26,867 --> 00:36:28,133 I'm gonna get one. 783 00:36:28,233 --> 00:36:30,233 Off the premises, if you don't mind. 784 00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:41,133 You fucking tipped off the police? 785 00:36:41,233 --> 00:36:44,200 What are you talking about? 786 00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:46,367 I didn't even know there was a baby here! 787 00:36:48,933 --> 00:36:51,100 Debbie, tell me you didn't. 788 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:52,033 No, she wouldn't. 789 00:36:52,133 --> 00:36:53,100 Would you, Debs? 790 00:36:55,833 --> 00:36:58,133 I thought if I pretended to be-- 791 00:36:58,233 --> 00:36:59,967 What the fuck are you playing at? 792 00:37:00,067 --> 00:37:02,200 How could you do that? 793 00:37:02,300 --> 00:37:04,033 Why do you think? 794 00:37:04,133 --> 00:37:05,400 Because she is the bitch that abandoned us, 795 00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:07,767 but you don't seem to care about that! 796 00:37:07,867 --> 00:37:11,533 She's gonna do it again. 797 00:37:11,633 --> 00:37:14,367 I thought if you thought it was her, 798 00:37:14,467 --> 00:37:16,433 then you might maker her leave. 799 00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:21,033 Well, don't look at me. 800 00:37:21,133 --> 00:37:22,600 It's not my fault. 801 00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:24,033 Marty, you'll have to get out of here. 802 00:37:24,133 --> 00:37:26,033 Take him to Maternity. I'll meet you later. 803 00:37:26,133 --> 00:37:27,100 MARTY: Debbie? 804 00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:31,500 Debbie? 805 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,600 I'm sorry, Marty. 806 00:37:37,700 --> 00:37:42,767 You're my friend, and I've done something horrible. 807 00:37:42,867 --> 00:37:44,767 It's OK. 808 00:37:44,867 --> 00:37:45,667 It's OK. 809 00:37:49,133 --> 00:37:50,333 I know you didn't mean it. 810 00:37:50,433 --> 00:37:51,233 Fucking bitch! 811 00:37:54,167 --> 00:37:56,067 It'll be all right. 812 00:37:56,167 --> 00:37:58,167 My Marty, you're gonna have to go, mate. 813 00:38:01,633 --> 00:38:02,433 It'll be all right. 814 00:38:06,267 --> 00:38:11,867 Marty, don't abandon him. 815 00:38:11,967 --> 00:38:13,900 Please. 816 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:14,867 Marty, come on. 817 00:38:14,967 --> 00:38:16,033 Stan'll be back in a minute. 818 00:38:23,700 --> 00:38:25,733 Oh my children. 819 00:38:25,833 --> 00:38:28,500 Why is God punishing me? 820 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:29,700 It's all right, Carol. 821 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:30,967 We're not gonna throw you out just 'cause the rest 822 00:38:31,067 --> 00:38:32,033 of your family is gone. 823 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,600 Got you Don't need a warrant out here, do I? 824 00:38:45,700 --> 00:38:46,567 - Sue! - Marty! 825 00:38:46,667 --> 00:38:47,500 Sue! 826 00:38:52,967 --> 00:38:54,733 Romanian coppers are on their way. 827 00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:56,600 But it's not the baby they want. 828 00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:58,733 Pants on fire! 829 00:38:58,833 --> 00:39:04,667 Oh, for Pete's sake, is there not a WPC in here anywhere? 830 00:39:04,767 --> 00:39:06,067 Who are you? 831 00:39:06,167 --> 00:39:07,333 I'm the baby's mother. 832 00:39:07,433 --> 00:39:08,567 Can I have him, please, Stan? 833 00:39:08,667 --> 00:39:09,567 What are you talking about? 834 00:39:09,667 --> 00:39:10,567 PC Waterman. 835 00:39:10,667 --> 00:39:11,400 Yeah, PC. 836 00:39:11,500 --> 00:39:12,767 But you haven't got a baby, Sue. 837 00:39:12,867 --> 00:39:13,667 What's this, then? 838 00:39:13,767 --> 00:39:15,433 Blow-up monkey? 839 00:39:15,533 --> 00:39:16,333 Hello. 840 00:39:16,433 --> 00:39:17,633 Oh, come here. 841 00:39:17,733 --> 00:39:19,567 He's hungry. 842 00:39:19,667 --> 00:39:21,833 He wants his mummy. 843 00:39:21,933 --> 00:39:23,167 Is she lying? 844 00:39:23,267 --> 00:39:24,767 She's lying, isn't she? 845 00:39:24,867 --> 00:39:30,533 If that's your baby, then where's its birth certificate? 846 00:39:30,633 --> 00:39:32,900 Here. 847 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,267 Oh. 848 00:39:35,367 --> 00:39:37,900 You don't think I'd do this if it wasn't mine, do you? 849 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,200 Suck a tit! 850 00:39:39,300 --> 00:39:41,433 Now, look, Sue, we know that baby's stolen, so-- 851 00:39:41,533 --> 00:39:43,000 No, he's not. 852 00:39:43,100 --> 00:39:44,833 And even if he was, he's an orphan. 853 00:39:44,933 --> 00:39:47,100 So you can't send him back. 854 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,300 I didn't know he was an orphan. 855 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:49,933 That's not the point, PC O'Leary. 856 00:39:50,033 --> 00:39:52,467 But it is. 857 00:39:52,567 --> 00:39:54,233 I know what that's like. 858 00:39:54,333 --> 00:39:55,967 I never even knew me mum and dad. 859 00:39:56,067 --> 00:39:58,933 It's fucking awful. 860 00:39:59,033 --> 00:40:02,433 We can't send him back. 861 00:40:02,533 --> 00:40:03,967 Please, Stan. 862 00:40:04,067 --> 00:40:05,033 Piss in your tea! 863 00:40:14,033 --> 00:40:15,000 Save the baby. 864 00:40:17,967 --> 00:40:20,267 Well, it looks like we must have made a terrible mistake, 865 00:40:20,367 --> 00:40:21,200 then. 866 00:40:35,300 --> 00:40:37,567 So are we really gonna keep him, then? 867 00:40:37,667 --> 00:40:39,233 We have to do it properly, though, Marty. 868 00:40:39,333 --> 00:40:40,433 I'm not living with your mum. 869 00:40:40,533 --> 00:40:41,267 Slag! 870 00:40:41,367 --> 00:40:42,600 And we need the proper stuff. 871 00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:44,633 I'm not slumming it. 872 00:40:44,733 --> 00:40:47,367 We'll need a 3 wheel baby buggy, proper car seat. 873 00:40:47,467 --> 00:40:48,733 We have to get a car first. 874 00:40:48,833 --> 00:40:50,133 A nice one. 875 00:40:50,233 --> 00:40:51,767 And I was thinking maybe we could adopt another one. 876 00:40:51,867 --> 00:40:53,133 Eh? 877 00:40:53,233 --> 00:40:55,433 Well, child benefit's 70 pound a month per child. 878 00:40:55,533 --> 00:40:57,000 So-- oh. 879 00:40:57,100 --> 00:40:58,400 What's the matter? 880 00:40:58,500 --> 00:41:00,167 Nothing, just a bit of morning sickness, I think. 881 00:41:00,267 --> 00:41:03,500 So if we had four, that would be 280. 882 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:04,433 Now, keep it. 883 00:41:04,533 --> 00:41:05,967 If we had six, that would be 670. 884 00:41:06,067 --> 00:41:08,200 No, say what you said before. 885 00:41:08,300 --> 00:41:09,267 Morning sickness. 886 00:41:09,367 --> 00:41:10,133 Oh. 887 00:41:10,233 --> 00:41:12,633 Does that mean me spunk worked? 888 00:41:12,733 --> 00:41:13,667 I don't believe it. 889 00:41:13,767 --> 00:41:14,567 Marty! 890 00:41:19,433 --> 00:41:20,767 What you doing with her? 891 00:41:20,867 --> 00:41:21,900 Get out. 892 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:22,900 She's just brought her back, Lip. 893 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,167 She's had her for the afternoon. 894 00:41:24,267 --> 00:41:25,267 She's my granddaughter. 895 00:41:25,367 --> 00:41:27,167 You can't stop me from seeing her. 896 00:41:27,267 --> 00:41:29,267 It'd break me heart. I'm begging her. 897 00:41:29,367 --> 00:41:31,833 It's not her fault you've had a row with Paddy, is it? 898 00:41:31,933 --> 00:41:34,033 Don't punish her for it. 899 00:41:34,133 --> 00:41:36,700 Three visits a week, that's all I want. 900 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,467 You don't interfere, though. 901 00:41:39,567 --> 00:41:40,200 Eh! 902 00:41:40,300 --> 00:41:43,200 What's the matter? 903 00:41:43,300 --> 00:41:45,400 What the fuck is that? 904 00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:47,167 Sweet, isn't it? 905 00:41:47,267 --> 00:41:47,933 Aw. 906 00:41:48,033 --> 00:41:48,933 [tattoo needle whirs] 907 00:41:49,033 --> 00:41:50,500 [crying] 908 00:41:52,433 --> 00:41:56,000 I didn't tell her she could do it. 909 00:41:56,100 --> 00:41:57,367 [knocking on door] 910 00:41:57,467 --> 00:41:58,767 [tv playing] 911 00:41:59,467 --> 00:42:00,233 Go on. 912 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:04,833 Come on. 913 00:42:04,933 --> 00:42:09,000 Sorry about that little interruption. 914 00:42:09,100 --> 00:42:10,600 Oh dear. 915 00:42:10,700 --> 00:42:11,900 Oh yeah. 916 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:13,867 It's just some kids, you know, threw something 917 00:42:13,967 --> 00:42:15,900 through the letter box. 918 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:16,933 Cunt. 919 00:42:17,033 --> 00:42:17,900 No, they didn't. 920 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,467 You set fire to your dinner. 921 00:42:19,567 --> 00:42:20,300 No. 922 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,533 They told me at the hospital. 923 00:42:22,633 --> 00:42:26,433 They couldn't get hold of your wife, Sheila Gallagher, 924 00:42:26,533 --> 00:42:29,700 so they had to get hold of your ex. 925 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:30,967 How do you think that made me feel, 926 00:42:31,067 --> 00:42:34,267 knowing that I'm still married to you? 927 00:42:34,367 --> 00:42:35,833 I want you back, Frank. 928 00:42:35,933 --> 00:42:37,200 [phone ringing] 929 00:42:37,300 --> 00:42:38,200 That's why I'm here. 930 00:42:38,300 --> 00:42:39,700 I want me old life back. 931 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,567 All right, let just-- 932 00:42:41,667 --> 00:42:44,000 desist, will you? 933 00:42:44,100 --> 00:42:45,600 Hello. 934 00:42:45,700 --> 00:42:47,100 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Hi, love. 935 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,900 Oh, hi, Sheila. 936 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,000 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Is there something wrong? 937 00:42:52,100 --> 00:42:53,200 What? 938 00:42:53,300 --> 00:42:54,233 SHEILA (ON PHONE): You sound yourself. 939 00:42:54,333 --> 00:42:55,567 No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. 940 00:42:55,667 --> 00:42:57,433 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Nothing's happened, has it? 941 00:42:57,533 --> 00:42:58,333 Around here? 942 00:42:58,433 --> 00:42:59,233 Must be joking. 943 00:42:59,333 --> 00:43:00,600 Same old, same old, isn't it? 944 00:43:00,700 --> 00:43:02,000 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Guess what happened. 945 00:43:02,100 --> 00:43:03,100 You and me. 946 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:04,267 What? SHEILA (ON PHONE): Frank? 947 00:43:04,367 --> 00:43:05,800 What? No, we're not. 948 00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:06,767 What? 949 00:43:06,867 --> 00:43:08,200 No, what? - You and me. 950 00:43:08,300 --> 00:43:09,700 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Is there someone there? 951 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:10,600 No, no. 952 00:43:10,700 --> 00:43:11,700 It just-- it's just-- 953 00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,733 no, it's just a soap on the telly. 954 00:43:14,833 --> 00:43:16,033 I dropped your phone. 955 00:43:16,133 --> 00:43:17,333 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Oh, is it that time already? 956 00:43:17,433 --> 00:43:19,500 My cinnamon swirls will be burning. 957 00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,600 Is that so? 958 00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:25,733 Yeah, so when is it that you're coming back? 959 00:43:25,833 --> 00:43:27,733 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Tomorrow. 960 00:43:27,833 --> 00:43:28,833 Tomorrow? 961 00:43:28,933 --> 00:43:30,667 SHEILA (ON PHONE): Monday. - Is it? 962 00:43:36,633 --> 00:43:41,667 Look, Debs, we want you to decide if mum stays or not. 963 00:43:44,367 --> 00:43:47,600 Just say the word, and she's gone. 964 00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:00,300 And you'll go if I tell you to? 965 00:44:25,467 --> 00:44:27,100 I need to get the dinner on. 966 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:53,933 So you're off, then, are you? 967 00:44:54,033 --> 00:44:55,233 Am I fuck! 968 00:44:55,333 --> 00:44:56,933 You might have come over all Stepford wives, 969 00:44:57,033 --> 00:44:58,567 but I'm not falling for it. 970 00:44:58,667 --> 00:45:01,900 I'm stopping right here till you come to your senses. 971 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:03,300 Right where I can see you. 972 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,967 Oh, squatter's rights! 973 00:45:09,067 --> 00:45:10,067 European rules! 974 00:45:20,633 --> 00:45:22,267 DEBBIE (VOICEOVER): Surprises come in lots 975 00:45:22,367 --> 00:45:24,033 of different shapes and sizes. 976 00:45:24,133 --> 00:45:25,867 There's the good ones, like finding out 977 00:45:25,967 --> 00:45:28,367 you've passed your math exam, even though the calculator ran 978 00:45:28,467 --> 00:45:31,133 out three seconds after you started the test, 979 00:45:31,233 --> 00:45:33,333 and finding a pound down the back of the sofa. 980 00:45:33,433 --> 00:45:35,500 Well, and then there's the bad ones, 981 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,567 like being called a casualty 'cause your youngest brother's 982 00:45:37,667 --> 00:45:40,167 allergic to the trifle you just made him, 983 00:45:40,267 --> 00:45:43,067 or discovering that the rash you finally thought had gone 984 00:45:43,167 --> 00:45:45,033 has come back double, and it's not 985 00:45:45,133 --> 00:45:48,433 going away, no matter how hard you scratch it, 986 00:45:48,533 --> 00:45:49,867 and realizing that it's not a rash. 987 00:45:49,967 --> 00:45:53,300 It's an infection or worse, a melanoma. 988 00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,767 You can try to ignore it, but someday soon it's 989 00:45:55,867 --> 00:45:56,800 gonna jump up and bite you. 990 00:46:04,433 --> 00:46:06,733 [theme music] 991 00:46:44,100 --> 00:46:45,533 MONICA: Good night, Carl. 992 00:46:45,633 --> 00:46:47,267 CARL: Good night, Mum. 993 00:46:47,367 --> 00:46:49,067 MONICA: Good night, Ian. 994 00:46:49,167 --> 00:46:50,900 IAN: Good night, Mum. 995 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,233 MONICA: Good night, Debbie. 996 00:46:56,933 --> 00:46:58,733 Good night, Billy. 997 00:46:58,833 --> 00:46:59,667 DEBBIE: Can't hear you. 998 00:46:59,767 --> 00:47:02,267 He's in the next house. 999 00:47:02,367 --> 00:47:04,100 MONICA: Good night, Liam. 1000 00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:05,733 WOMAN: Will you lot shut the fuck up 1001 00:47:05,833 --> 00:47:10,233 and go to fucking sleep, before I crown the lot of you?