FRANK (VOICEOVER): Now, nobody is saying that Chatsworth
Estate is the Garden of Eden, but it's
been a good home to us, to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids,
who I'm proud of.
'Cause every single one of them reminds me a little of me.
They can all think for themselves, which
they've got me to thank for.
Quick, leg it!
FRANK (VOICEOVER): Lip, who's bit
of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him "Phillip"
anymore.
Ian, a lot like his mum, which is handy for us,
'cause she's disappeared into thin air.
And Carl, we daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.
One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah.
Two, nits love him.
Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
You have to check your change, but she'll go miles out
of her way to do you a favor.
Plus, little Liam.
Be a star some day.
Sheila, me bird.
Couldn't be happier.
One plate short of a full set, like.
And fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica.
Lend you anything.
Well, almost anything.
Carol and Marty, the lodgers from hell.
Last of the lonely hearts and a psychologist's wet dream.
Still, nobody's perfect.
But all of them a man know first and foremost one of the most
vital necessities in life because is,
they know how to throw a party.
Scatter!
LIP (VOICEOVER): Sometimes, things you do lead somewhere.
Other times, they're just an end in themselves.
Trouble is, you never know.
Me and Ian were both young, free, and single.
No baggage, right?
Free to move on.
Except sometimes the past comes back at you that fast
you can't get out of the way.
SONG: Boys will be boys.
There's been girls that have stolen our hearts.
Their arms simply couldn't be prised apart.
FRANK (VOICEOVER): Ciggies, ciggies.
Sheila needs fucking ciggies.
Could I I trouble you for a ciggy?
You two birds look like fish out of water.
You're not students, are you?
Yeah, we are, actually.
You know, the only thing I learned at school?
Don't kick-- kick against the bricks.
O-level fucking conformity.
GCSE.
Don't talk out of line.
I was 25 before I knew who I was.
Oh, am I bothering you?
I'm sorry.
I think we're just in the wrong pub.
Yeah, well, every pub's the wrong fucking pub, isn't it?
In Casablanca.
Tell you what.
If I give you a fiver--
Yeah.
Will you fuck off and leave us alone?
Yeah.
Dickhead.
Are we off home?
Nah, night's young.
The hungry?
Yeah.
Do you want curry or cock?
What you mean?
Come on, I'll show you.
I'm not sure about this, Mick.
Fuck it.
I come down here all the time.
Yeah, but I don't just want to fuck someone.
You're not fucking.
You what?
One bloke in there.
One bloke in the end.
Bob's your uncle.
There's an hole!
Here you are.
You're on.
Oh, you're meant to give him a little present after.
You know, for services rendered.
Still got that bottle of poppers on you?
- Yeah. - That'll do.
Go on.
For fuck's sake.
Hey, suck him off, and you get a present back.
Ta.
No, sorry, love.
You've-- you've got the wrong Jockey.
This is in Gorton.
You're in Chatsworth.
So you don't have a band playing here at all.
No.
You're not missing much anyway.
I saw 'em in Salford last month.
They're shite.
I know.
My mate fancies their drummer.
I only came as her alibi.
Her folks are a bit strict.
They think she's at my house revising.
Well, could be fate.
Do you wanna have a drink?
Yeah, why not?
Two glasses of white wine, please.
Come on, then.
Let's go into town. - Hang on.
Just having a drink.
This is Lip.
- Hi. - He's bought you one.
Here you go.
You're welcome.
Right, then.
I'm off home.
Oh, you're not staying tonight, then?
No, I don't stay every night, Debbie.
We've been through this.
I don't live here, love.
Really?
Really.
So I'll just get my things, and I'm off.
Good night.
Bit moody, isn't she, your mate?
Yeah, well, she's spoiled.
Her dad's loaded.
She doesn't like it when she's not the center of attention.
She's getting some attention now.
Tell you lads in this pub, predatory.
I best make a move.
That's a shame.
I was going to invite you round for coffee.
What, I've only just met you and you think I'm gonna
come around to your house?
At this time of night?
I'll get my coat.
[springs bouncing]
What was that?
What was what?
It's "Pimp my Ride."
What are you doing?
What's that noise?
Sue and Marty shagging?
Carl!
Can't we listen?
Gross.
Hiya.
Debbie, Carl, this is a friend of mine.
Hello, nice to meet you.
Do you want a coffee?
No, not really.
Right.
Well, we're just gonna pop upstairs for a bit.
Do you ever think of anything apart from sex?
Yeah, girls.
[moaning]
SUE: Marty!
Come on, love.
Closing up now.
[mumbling]
Come on.
Ugh, for fuck's sake!
These are brand new!
How did you get like this?
I don't know.
You don't know. Come on, it's all right.
It's all right.
Come on.
It was good of you to phone us.
Oh, it's all right.
I couldn't have her getting in a cab in that state.
It's not safe.
I can't understand what's happened.
I mean, how did she get like this?
Somebody spike her drink?
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nothing like that goes on around here, mate.
No, no, I'm sure.
It's just, I don't think she's ever been in a pub before.
Oh, right.
She's probably just not used to it, then.
Kids, eh?
Listen, me and the wife really appreciate this.
If you fancy a bet, I've got a little filly
won't let you down.
Only, keep it to yourself.
I don't want the odds affected or people getting suspicious.
Why would people get suspicious?
Because take it from me, this horse has already won.
Yeah, right.
Hey, I'm a man of me word.
I don't give out these tips to anyone.
If you don't believe me, check out the first race
at York tomorrow.
The favorite will pull up lame.
I think the world of my daughter, mate.
You do yourself a favor.
Morning, Debs.
Tea?
Yeah, please.
I was just checking the weather.
Rainy lie fuck!
You know how tight things are in this house.
If someone is living here, they should pay the whack.
Right, fine.
I totally agree with you.
Did Sue really go home last night?
Scream, you bitch!
[scream]
You Yeah, no!
Yes, she did.
There you go.
What's up with you?
Post.
So?
"Do you wish to change your gas supplier?"
Fucking deck chairs on the Titanic, isn't it?
This one's from Auntie Pat.
Oh, it's Beryl and Aidan.
Who are they?
Haven't got a clue, but they send every year.
Christmas and birthdays.
Shite!
Should have some fucking cards here.
Come on, help us out here, lads!
Oh, have I seen something I shouldn't have?
No.
No, nothing.
What have you got there?
No, really.
It's nothing.
You can't fool me, Frank Gallagher.
Pretending you forgot when you haven't.
Well, never mind.
Give it me tonight in the pub.
I'm so excited.
Fucking help you were, weren't you?
Sherlock Holmes and Watson.
- Hiya. - Hi, love.
You all right?
Yeah, couple of scratch cards, please.
All right, Mandy.
Not long to go, eh?
No, in a couple of weeks, please, God.
Like I'm walking around with a bloody Christmas
turkey jammed up me muff.
Oi, son.
No hood's in the shop, please.
I said, take your sodding hood off!
Is he bleeding deaf?
[shouting]
Shit!
Get off, you little--
- Hey, that's my bag! - Hey, hey!
No, no!
Get off!
Hey!
I don't believe that.
Five times in two months.
You all right, Mandy, love?
I think me water's broken.
Ooh, yeah.
Lip, they've robbed the shop.
Mandy Maguire's been taken to hospital.
Shit.
She's been taken off in an ambulance.
- What are you doing? - Really sorry.
No, where you going?
He's going to see Mandy.
She's having his baby.
If I give you a fiver, will you
fuck off and leave me alone?
Red Car.
Is that the name of the horse?
That's the racetrack, isn't it?
All right, all right.
Here we go.
"Rat Pack, 3:10, Red Car, Saturday."
- Right, how much have we got. - Uh-uh-uh.
No, you don't. We've got bills.
But this geezer claims it's a dead cert.
Oh, a dead cert?
According to some knobhead you met at last orders?
He wasn't a knobhead.
He was wearing a suit. - Oh, all right, then.
So a knobhead in a suit.
It don't mean he can see into the future.
Come on, V.
We could paper the walls with dead certs
you've had down in that boozer.
Everyone in there thinks they're John bastard McCririck.
I know, but it was something about him that
just seemed a bit different.
So--
If you wanna waste a tenner, fine.
But that's it. - Fuck's
Sake, where is your sense of adventure?
You don't need a sense of adventure living around here.
In fact, Kev, that's the last fucking thing you need!
Oi!
No, you listen to me, Gunga Din.
My daughter's getting the best treatment here.
Please, love, you've gotta help me.
That girl over there's pregnant with my baby,
and that's her dad.
If he sees me, I'm dead.
Fine.
What the fuck are you doing here, Gallagher?
Do you mind?
I'm here to see my cousin.
We're trying to have a private family conversation.
Really?
Sorry, love.
I got here as quick as I could.
Who are these?
This is Philip Shagger Gallagher, your wife's cousin.
Cousin?
Yeah, you mean to say you don't recognize him?
You haven't got any cousins.
Oh, wait a minute.
You filthy little bitch. - No.
This is him, isn't it?
Listen.
You little scumbag.
You little shite!
You stay away from my daughter and her baby.
LIP (VOICEOVER): Baby.
Baby.
[baby cooing]
Baby.
I've had a baby.
No, no. It's lovely, Frank.
Really.
I am sorry about your present, love.
God, I wanted to fucking smack him.
I had to hold meself back.
But these people, they got no scruples.
They just see human life as a disposable item.
Well, least you're safe.
That's the main thing.
I just thought, you know?
But who am I to say?
Don't fret, Sheila.
You'll have something.
Something special.
You know, I just need to, you know, get it sorted.
OK.
What's for dinner?
I made you
A shepherd's pie.
I-- I forgot to defrost it.
You'll have to sort it out yourself.
Meself?
Well, I did what I could, you know?
I had a pop, but these little tossers,
little kids with big knives.
Fucking Seven Samurai.
Make poverty history, yeah?
Just let 'em all machete each other to death.
Job done. Thank you, Gordon fucking Brown.
Frank, hang on a minute.
FRANK: Jez, have you got another packet of crisps?
COMMENTATOR (ON TV): And the news
coming in from the paddock. It's a worrying--
Something different?
Frank, shut it!
COMMENTATOR (ON TV): And the news coming in,
and it's a turn up.
Rockin' Robin, the hot favorite, has
pulled up lame in the paddock just 10 minutes before the off.
Check out the first race at York tomorrow.
The favorite'll pull up lame.
Fuck me.
You left the block--
I'm fucking talking to you.
- We'll sell the car. - The car?
I only just got it.
It's the most valuable thing we've got.
We-- we don't just want to put a few quid on, do we?
Well, it's one extreme to the other with you, isn't it?
The bet's for real.
The horse pulled up lame just like he said.
It was definitely the right horse.
First race at York, favorite.
And this Rat Pack, it's 9 to 1?
That's what it said on the paper.
Kev, just think what we can do with all that money.
Right, we'll get all the cash together
we can and we'll put it all on.
Agreed?
Agreed.
Oh, hey, V. Hey, remember, main thing--
mum's the word.
All right?
I promised that bloke we wouldn't tell anyone.
And we don't want the odds getting fucked up.
I haven't.
And we're off.
Sorry, mate. Not interested.
Not much demand for these.
No demand?
When you sold it us a few weeks ago,
you said they were something like hot cakes.
That's a few weeks ago, weren't it?
And the market's up and down, isn't it?
Waggy, come on.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll give you 200 for it if you give me the name of this horse.
You robbing bastard.
I'll give you 10.
A tenner?
You taking the piss?
Well, 50, if you tell us the name of this horse.
Fucking hell.
I told you we have to keep quiet about this, V.
I did.
I haven't told anyone.
Well, I did mention it to my mum.
Oh, was that before or after you took a double page
ad on the Evening News?
I didn't tell her the name of the horse.
Look, I'm sorry.
It's just, why does our life have to be so shit?
Hey, hang on.
It wasn't shit two days ago before you got this stupid tip.
Look, here's 20 quid.
Go and put that on.
Bollocks to the catalog this week.
But that'll only win us 180 quid.
Well, it's 180 quid more than we've got now.
We've never had money before, and we've always been happy.
Maybe it's just not meant to, be, me having money.
So what?
You've got me.
Actually, Carol, I wanted to ask you a favor.
The little bastards nicked a present
that I bought for Sheila.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be, Frank.
Shakespeare.
Yeah, well, he was all right, wasn't he?
Had Anne Hathaway's fucking cottage.
Sheila's gone on cookery strike.
This winter of fucking discontent in me own house!
I mean, fucking what's it all about, eh?
I'm being punished. And for what?
For missing her birthday?
And what's that?
Another staging post.
Another staging post on the long road to death, to death,
to death, to fucking oblivion.
Change the bloody record, Frank.
Hey, listen.
Is it true about Kev and this tip?
My lips are sealed, but yes, it is.
Oh, eh up.
Here's Hinge and fucking Bracket.
Right, listen up.
We're investigating a serious crime that's taken place.
Fuck off.
Oi, can we have your attention, please?
Quiet!
Oi, quiet!
That's better.
Now, then, I've got some questions.
Excuse me.
If you don't mind.
No.
Right, first things first.
My daughter's been knocked down, and someone's gonna get
a big fucking kicking for it.
I'll tell you that for nothing.
And that's not the fucking half of it.
Yeah, because this stupid little prick
that stole my Mandy's bag took something else too.
A piece of jewelry belonging to my wife,
which, let's put it this way, has great sentimental value.
I want it back.
So if anybody has any information about this crime,
I expect them to come and talk to me.
Understood?
You won't find me ungrateful.
If I could just add, if anybody does know anything,
then you can come see us in confidence.
All right, Patrick, I see we have both become grandfathers.
Fuck off, you ugly bastard.
We don't want you anywhere near her.
Large vodka.
I hear you were in the shop.
Oh no, I didn't--
I didn't see owt.
He just had a fucking hood, you know, totally covered his face.
Yeah, well, don't worry about it.
This is a CCTV video from the shop.
And if I find out from that that you know
more than you're letting on--
I'll wait till it comes out on DVD.
- What was it? - A bracelet, a charm bracelet.
It's not worth much, just a few quid.
But my Patrick bought it for me the first time
he come out of prison, just after we were married.
Every time he did a spell inside,
he'd buy me another charm, celebrate his release.
Our Mandy was taking it the menders.
And some little cocksucker's stolen it.
Well, trust me.
He'll curse the day he was born when my boys get hold of him.
Is Mandy in?
Ow.
How's that?
- Staying again tonight, Sue? - Don't start, Debbie.
Just saying, if she is, she has to put
something into the kitty.
What is it with you?
I'm not living here.
Take it easy with the fruit.
It's for the kids.
Yeah, we'd all have scampy if it weren't for Ian.
Scurvy.
All right.
What's happened to you?
Think it's the Maguires' way of saying "here's
a cigar for the new dad."
Aw, so we're not gonna get to see her, then?
Put it this way.
I won't be holding me breath for the christening invite.
Maguires'd probably drown you in the font.
Irish psychos!
Oh, well, there's only so many times they can headbutt you.
Yeah, before they kill me.
What's that?
IAN: Got it today.
Let's have a look.
Hang on.
Where did you get that?
In town. Found it.
Why?
This is mine.
It was in my bag.
- It can't be yours. - It's mine.
I'm telling you.
It was in my bag that got fucking robbed.
Where'd you get it?
I-- I don't know.
Look, I told you, I found it.
Fuck's sake, man.
Fuck off.
Where'd you get it?
It's none of your business.
Was it you who nicked it?
Of course it wasn't me.
I just got it, all right?
Who off?
No one.
Who off, Ian?
I need to find out who robbed the shop
so I can get back in with the Maguires.
Fucking hell.
Look, right, there's this place I've been to a couple of times
with a mate.
What place?
It's a cottage, OK?
Cottage?
What, like a lot of fucking house in the country?
No, a gay cottage.
What, a lav?
It's just blowjobs and that.
You don't even see 'em half the time.
How come?
Do it in the dark?
No, there's an hole in the cubicle wall.
And you--
Jeez.
And people leave stuff, you know, in return.
And that's how you got the walkman?
Yeah, some guy I got lucky.
- Who is it? - I don't know.
You must know his name.
I don't know his name.
I didn't even see his face.
Oh, fuck.
Never gonna find him.
And I'm never gonna get to see my daughter.
I said I didn't see his face.
I didn't say I wouldn't recognize him.
Oh, Kev, you bastard.
You horrible bastard.
How much did it fetch, my ring?
A couple of hundred? What were the plan?
Were you gonna go to a pawn shop and Monday
buy it back, hope I wouldn't notice?
Hey, V. I'm sorry.
I was desperate.
I wasn't thinking straight.
This is our big chance.
I just really wanted to--
I'd never pawn your wedding ring.
You know I wouldn't.
You thought about it, though.
For five minutes.
But I knew how devastated you'd be.
You knew I'd rip your knackers off, more like.
Fuck's sake, though.
20 quid stake?
What did Waggy offer you for the car?
Oh, he wasn't interested.
He wasn't interested unless I gave him the name of the horse.
Leave it with me.
But if you ever try anything like that again,
I really will rip your knackers off.
What
What the fuck!
Right, I wanna know where this came from.
You left this in here the other day as a present.
It was you in the shop, wasn't it?
You did the shop over.
No.
No, I didn't!
Ian!
- Ah, what's he doing? - Tell us the truth.
I am. I am.
It's not mine.
I bought it from a bloke in a shop, my shop.
I-- I fence goods.
Who was it?
I want a name.
I'm sorry.
I have a rule.
No names.
Well, now, my brother's on the other side of that wall,
and he has a rule never to bite people's cock off.
Ian!
Agh!
Name now!
Ian!
All right, all right.
I'll tell you his name! - Good boy.
LIP: Hello.
Hang on.
Dope, coke, or E's?
[crying]
What the fucking hell are you doing here?
Mum, language, baby.
You wanted a name for the robbery?
I half an hour with Mandy and the baby.
He's at that address most days, apparently.
Right, lads.
Come on.
I've had a job to keep it to meself.
Come on, come on. Don't be tight.
Be a pal.
I know you've got a tip.
Frank, look. Forget it, right.
I've told you once. No, no.
Sorry.
It's not for me. It's not for me.
Kev, it's not for me.
It's for Sheila. - Sheila.
Yeah, for her birthday.
I want to get her a present.
Come on, you know she deserves it.
Kev, barrel.
Jesus.
Zip it.
I'm thinking of naming her after me mom.
Oh no, please, for fuck's sake.
You can't call a little baby "Mimi."
Not Mimi.
That's he nickname.
Catherine's her real name.
I thought Katie.
Katie?
That's all right, that is.
Little Katie. Hey, before I forget.
What's this for?
Child support.
And I can pay you pay you that every month.
Forget it, Lip.
I don't want it.
My family will give us what we need.
I just--
Look, I know what you're thinking.
You're looking at this beautiful little thing
and thinking you want to get involved.
You want to play the daddy, just like every other lad
on the estate.
But try finding any of them after a couple of months
when the novelty wears off.
You need sodding Interpol, never mind the CSA.
I'm not like that.
Take your money, Lip.
You need it more than we do.
What's that supposed to mean?
I hear you've been putting it about, pulling posh girls.
Who's told you that?
Never you mind.
I'm not seeing her.
Just a one night stand.
Yeah, well, hope you used protection.
I'm taking her back in.
It's getting a bit chilly.
See you around.
All right, out your come, bollocks.
All right, nice and easy, guys.
In you go.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
For the last time, where's the fucking bracelet?
We'll untie your hands when you
tell us where the bracelet is.
Jesus Christ on a bike.
You're playing a very dangerous game, sonny.
All right, Donny, I've had enough of this dozy cunt.
Wire him up.
[groaning]
Where's the bracelet?
Where's the fucking bracelet?
This'll loosen your tongue.
Last chance.
[electric crackle]
Ow!
You could have some bugger's eye out with that.
Ian, it's a dead cert!
You're joking, aren't you?
You ain't getting no money off me.
Debbie, have you got owt you can lend us?
It's for Sheila's present.
Now, I've got me giro coming next Tuesday.
You'll get it back.
I swear.
I'll look.
Debbie, don't give it to him.
What's the matter with you?
You!
What are you playing at?
What?
Hey?
Look at you, blagging money off your kids.
You should bee buying her things, dolls and shit.
It's only till Tuesday!
- You should be loving her. - I do love her!
You should be protecting her.
What does she need protecting from?
This!
Pop, this house, this life, this shit family!
Why don't you fuck off out?
Go on, get out.
- Where? - I don't know.
Just out.
Go play with your mates.
Stop acting like some 40 year-old woman.
Go and play knock and run, or skipping,
or whatever it is you do.
Lip, leave it out.
No, bollocks!
She should be out playing.
It's half 10.
It's too late to be playing out.
Yeah, it's too late for you.
She's 13 years-old, and her life's over.
Well done, you twat!
Debbie!
I do love her.
Well, I were gonna get her a present with the winnings.
[sobbing]
I'm sorry, Deb.
Mandy won't let me out with the baby.
And I'm sorry.
I shouldn't take it out on you.
It's all right.
It's a shame.
You-- you'd make a great dad.
Oh yeah, with all his prospects.
Shut it, you.
She's not too far away.
You'll be able to see her.
I just wanted to do stuff for her, buy her stuff.
Get her a pony.
Why?
You know, to ride.
She's a Maguire.
If she ever has a horse, it would
be pulling a rag and bone cart.
Don't be horrible.
Anyway, she's not all theirs.
She's half Maguire and half Gallagher.
PADDY (VOICEOVER): What the fuck are you looking at?
Not sure which is worse.
Don't worry.
You'll get to see her.
You reckon?
Yeah, but not if you sit here moping around.
You've got to do something.
Come here.
[moaning]
Fuck!
You'll have to climb out the window.
Get in the wardrobe, then!
Wait a minute.
Come in!
Even when you say you're going home, you sneak back in.
What is your problem?
We have to be honest in this honest.
Look, if it's just about the money, I will give you money.
So are you living here or not?
Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
I'm living here.
That's 20 pounds a week.
Fine.
Carl!
Finish us off!
They're not in.
Look, she's my daughter.
I've got a right to see her.
They've all gone off.
Gone off where?
Look, that dickhead you grassed up
wouldn't tell us a fucking word.
So Pat and my boys are giving him the car park treatment.
What's that?
Hang him off the top of the multistory till he speaks.
What, and they've taken the baby?
Never too early to initiate a Maguire
into the ways of the clan.
You got a bet on, Frank?
No, not as such, no.
What's the betting slip for, then?
What?
Oh yeah, a bet.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, well, you know, I a little dabble now and again,
as you know.
You've got to, haven't you?
Is it this race?
Redcar 3:10, yeah.
- Which horse? - I forget the name.
Which horse?
Rat Pack.
You thieving wanker.
I needed the cash, Kev, for Sheila's present.
Come on. She's starving us out.
I had no choice.
How much have you got on it?
FRANK: 60 quid.
60?
Where have you got 60 quid from?
Sold the car for 300 quid.
You should see the queue at the bookie's, though.
Odds have gone right down.
What to?
Evens.
Evens?
How the-- where have you got 60 quid from?
Nowhere.
Trying
Frank, it was nine to one.
It's now evens.
What the bloody hell's happened?
I passed the tip on to one or two folk.
You know, for a small consideration.
Who'd you tell?
Billy, Joyner, and Eddie Norton, Micky Hills.
Micky Hills?
Micky Hills' brother is a sodding bookie!
He's not gonna say owt.
He promised me! - Come on, Rat Pack!
Bloody hell, Frank.
No wonder it's evens.
Half of bleeding Manchester's put a bet on now.
Go, Rat Pack, go!
COMMENTATOR (ON TV): Rat Pack is beginning to get up.
It's Rat Pack from Hester Bridge.
Rat Pack wins by about a length.
[cheering]
Nice one, mate.
It won, then.
Oh, it's great that, isn't it?
For you and everyone else in here.
You've all doubled your money.
We'd have won three grand if you hadn't have fucked the odds!
I have just spent 20 minutes with Waggy staring
at me tits for fuck all!
Nice one, Frank.
Right, last time--
where is the bracelet?
[crying]
Hm?
Come on!
Stop!
Wait.
What the hell you got there, Gallagher?
It's for my daughter.
Very sweet, I'm sure.
Seeing as you're here, you can give us a dropping
this goon off the edge.
What?
Geez, he's at it again.
Thinks it's funny, playing give us a fucking clue.
Well, here's one for you.
It's a film.
Six words.
"The Man Who Fell to Earth!"
It's sign language.
I beg your pardon?
He's fucking deaf, isn't he?
Any idiot can tell you that.
That explains not screaming with 12,000 volts
running through your bollocks.
Still deserves a pasting.
Jesus, Maguire, my daughter's being brought up in your house,
and you're too thick to realize you're
torturing a fucking mute!
-
Watch what you're fucking saying.
Where's the bracelet?
Where is it?
Fuck's sake.
Well, what's he saying?
I don't know.
Who's got a pen?
Hang on, spray can. PADDY: Good idea.
Get it out.
This better be fucking good!
[crying]
Fuck!
No one talks to my family like that.
Not even a fucking mute.
He's still alive?
What's he saying?
PADDY: I don't know.
He's probably thanking his lucky stars.
Right, come on, lads. Time for a pint.
Pint of dog, Kev, and a whiskey chaser.
And one for yourself.
Veronica, drink?
What are you gonna do with that?
What am I gonna do?
I'm gonna have a big fucking party!
Oh, that's a bit tight, isn't it, Frank?
Whatever happened to share and share alike?
Well, that's what I'm doing, isn't it?
Yeah, I mean, but what about your kids?
Kids.
You're gonna give the kids some money, aren't you?
Well--
Well, you know, Debbie can always do with about bit
of help with the housekeeping.
I mean, and Ian, he can't earn much glass collecting, eh,
can he?
Yeah, then Carl, then Lip.
They're always needing new clothes.
Jesus wept.
Thank fuck I didn't have any more.
Liam.
And than there's the twins.
That'll be two.
Oh, and that.
What's that for?
That's for me.
Hot tips cost money, Francis.
Fucking hell!
There's 40 quid there.
Now, you'll be able get to Sheila something really nice
with that, won't you?
Sorry, love.
I'm afraid that little deaf cunt got away.
So I only hope this will go some way to making up for your loss.
Patrick.
Oh, I'm fucking made up.
Nice, isn't it?
Oh, mwah.
PADDY: Oh my God.
Frank, come home.
Just a minute.
What's that?
It's a little gift.
Is it for me?
For you.
Happy birthday.
Oh, Frank, you're such a lovely man.
Thank you.
God, let's get you home.
I'm gonna cut you a nice Nigella or a Delia.
Won't be needing that, then.
You can clear your tab.
Come on.
Oh, Frank, thank you.
I love you so much.
You must have dropped it in the teddy's pocket.
Listen, I thought you were really great yesterday,
what you said to me dad.
You know, no one ever stands up to him.
So if you wanna come around to see Katie, well, that's OK.
Cheers, Mandy.
Thanks.
Can I pick her up?
I've not picked her up yet.
Go on.
Don't fucking drop her.
Language, baby.
LIP (VOICEOVER): Boy meets girl, girl's dad kidnaps deaf mute,
boy gets to hold baby.
It's the age old story.
Thing is, when you look at your own child,
you think "there's no other bloke
in the entire fucking universe cares as much
about this creature as I do."
And that's gotta mean summat.
I'd like to report someone for benefit fraud.
Apparently, they're looking into everyone
around here who's claiming.
Well, I'm fucked, then.
You and half the fucking estate.
Parasites.
I told Emily you'd be her brother.
They've got a visit round theirs, yeah?
- Are hey paying? - Fuck off.
She's me girlfriend.
I've texted Lip three times this afternoon.
Where the fuck is he?
Tada!
Brendan Tyler lives.
That doesn't feel right to me, though,
cracking on your married.
You bastard.
What's this, an ambush?
I saw you with that skank, Mandy Maguire.
I can't believe you'd land me in shit like that?
It's got nowt to do with you.
'Cause I'm nothing, I suppose.
Just your bit on the side.
Ugh!
He's never asked me, you know, Tony.
That should be me there.
It should be me!
Agh, Sheila!
[theme music]
700?
We only won five.
Sorry, mate.
I'm trying to run a business here.
But the last time you sold it us, Waggy, it was 600.
Nothing I can do about it.
Inflation.