[music playing]
FRANK GALLAGHER: Now nobody is saying
that Chatsworth Estate is the Garden of Eden,
but it's a good home to us.
To me, Frank Gallagher, and my kids, who I'm proud of.
Because every single one of them reminds me a little of me.
Seems they can all think for themselves, which
they've got me to thank for. - Quick, leg it.
FRANK GALLAGHER: Lip, who's a little bit
of a gobshite, which is why nobody
calls him Philip anymore.
Ian, a lot like his mum, which is handy for the others,
because he's disappeared into thin air.
And Carl.
We dare not let him grow his fair for two reasons.
One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah.
Two, nits love him.
Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
You have to check your change but she'll go miles out
of her way to do you a favor.
Plus, they've got Liam, who's going to be a star someday.
Sheila, me bird.
Couldn't be happier.
One plate short of a full set.
And fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica.
Lend you anything.
Well, almost anything.
Carol and Marty, the lodgers from hell.
Last of the lonely hearts and a psychologist's wet dream.
Still, nobody's perfect.
But all of them, to a man, know first
and foremost, one of the most vital necessities in life
is to know how to throw a party!
Scatter.
[singing] come they told me, rum pah pum pum.
FRANK GALLAGHER: Now, they say a lie can travel halfway
around the world while the truth is still putting his boots on.
Which is right, because lies are our currency.
Bar's closed for half an hour.
[people shouting]
It's our new year and all, you know?
FRANK GALLAGHER: There's white lies and there's black lies.
Pah rum pa pum pum.
And then there's the totally fucking psychedelic ones.
You know, the ones that knock you sideways because you
never saw them coming.
Dicko!
All right, mate.
Attention, everyone, attention.
Now synchronize your watches.
Hey, hey!
The fruit of my eye.
All four of them.
Five, four--
I love you like the shepherd loves his flock.
Two, one.
[people shouting and whistling]
[singing]
Shall all acquaintance be forgot for auld lang syne.
[man and woman grunting]
[singing]
Hey.
New Year's resolution.
Smoke more fags.
20 a day from now on.
And I'm going to do more crappy stripagram work
and cut out the exercise.
Might as well set realistic ones, right?
Eh, actually.
I've got one for you.
Literature classes.
You're always going on about how you can't read.
But school and homework?
I don't think so, V.
Unless you want to be pulling pints
for the rest of your life, Kev, you
have got to put the effort in.
[woman groaning]
Jesus.
What is it?
It's your mum.
Have you eaten peanuts?
Only a handful to soak up the gin.
I'm allergic.
[man gasping]
You could have mentioned it!
Help, somebody!
[man gasping]
He's dying.
Anapapleptic whatsit.
His throat's swelling up.
Get some water, Kev.
Two minutes into new year and this happens.
It's a sign.
Should never get involved with married men.
It's a golden rule. Please, God.
Don't make this happen to me.
I know I've strayed in recent years,
but I swear, let him live and I'll come back to you, Lord.
If you'll just hear me this one special time.
Thank you.
He did it.
He heard.
Care to help the less fortunate?
There's nothing more upsetting than the sight of a sick child.
Just doing our rounds.
Surprised how generous people can be when they're
three sheets to the wind.
Bless you.
Deborah, it's probably not the time,
but you don't happen to know if your parents received
the letters from school about your Liam?
I'm not sure.
Is it serious?
Well it is rather, I'm afraid.
The head's talking exclusion.
Liam's behavior last term became increasingly disruptive.
The nativity play was the final straw.
Did God send you?
No.
God doesn't exist.
He's a made up person, and the Bible is all pretend stories
to make people be good.
God's not real?
We're a Catholic foundation for the education
of Catholic children.
Yeah, but he's only five.
Sinners start very young, Debbie.
Miss Murdoch and myself will be doing
a home visit, 10:00 Monday.
Now if You could just remind your parents,
I'd be very greatful.
Happy New Year.
[dog parking]
Cops! Cops.
It's a raid. Hide your gear.
It's a raid.
They've got sniffers.
Ian.
Not tonight.
You can't tonight.
Says who?
Says decency.
We've reason to believe that Class A are being sold
and consumed on the premises.
Well, of course they are.
It's New Year's Eve.
In.
Just checking we had enough ice.
You can arrest me any day.
Get off.
[dog grunting]
[dog barking]
Hey, hey.
Jesus.
Who trained him to do that?
You twisted, fucking--
Got one here, sarge.
Leave him alone.
[singing] I don't know when.
I don't know when, sunshine, but I know.
[patrons singing]
Where'd you get the gear, Frank?
Bashed in bus stop.
Burnage end of Belshaw Lane.
But, I did not do her over.
She was already dead when I nabbed the bag.
Hence-- hence, did I take my purse?
I did not take the purse.
I left the purse where it was, out of respect
for the fact she was already stiff as a minger's ring.
Is that because there was nothing in it?
Yeah.
And she stank of piss.
So that's theft, possession, debatable whether you
have intent to supply.
Supply?
Come off.
To who?
It's not looking good for you, Frank.
It's not looking good at all.
Unless.
[men singing]
Where bon-bons play.
Fuck off!
[men singing]
Oh, he's going.
He's going.
Hiya, Debbie.
Happy new year. - Debatable.
Is my dad in?
He hasn't been to bed yet.
Letters from school.
Liam's in big trouble.
During doing a home visit Monday,
and they want to see one of his parents.
And?
And you're one of his parents.
Dad?
This is serious.
If he gets expelled, we'll have social workers
sniffing all over us.
All right.
What do you want me to do?
Promise you'll be at hours, Monday, 9:30 sharp.
I promise.
Promise me you won't forget.
Cross my heart and hope to--
We've run out of Sprite, so I've done you a vodka.
It's your serotonin, Winter Blues.
Everyone gets a bit down in January.
Or it could be the fact that I'm
bored, knackered, and skint.
Try eating.
I don't want to eat.
Didn't know you was going away.
Spiritual retreat.
Purifying my simple soul.
What brought this on?
The road to Damascus, except for me it
was the ladies lavatory.
I'm just a lonely woman searching for love.
He understands that.
When I needed him, God listened.
God doesn't exist.
Liam.
He isn't real.
Get up, come on.
You're the only one that will miss me.
Ah, I've got nits. Bloody nits.
Jesus!
Could things get any worse?
No God, no God.
There's no God.
Listen to me, and listen good.
You can't keep saying that about God.
Why not?
Because it upsets people.
Don't say it anymore, OK?
Never again.
And when the nice people from school come on Monday,
you've got to be a very good boy.
Do you understand?
[clock ticking]
Sheila, it's Debbie.
Is my dad there?
I think he's gone down with the flu.
Do you want me to get him to call you?
Forget it.
There's nothing more upsetting than the sight of a sick child.
Don't want nits now, do we?
Come in.
Hello, Liam.
Have a nice Christmas?
Yes, thank you.
Would you like a cup of tea?
No, we're fine.
Thanks.
Just need a quick chat with you mom and dad,
and then we'll be on our way.
My dad can't make it today.
They send their apologies.
I'm afraid that won't do.
Three letters have been sent, not a single one
has been responded to.
The whole point of a home visits is so that we can open
and discuss our grievances.
The school governors take a very strong line
on parental responsibility.
Where are they?
I mean, why have they left this to you?
Surely, you should be in school.
What exactly is going on here, Deborah?
The thing is, they've got a lot on their plates at the minute.
And it's all got really difficult for them,
with the hospital visits and getting time off work.
It's not fair.
None of it seems fair.
I'll speak to the teachers know make
sure that they are fully aware.
Can you ask them not to mention it to Karen, his half sister?
She picks him up after school.
She's inconsolable.
Cancer is a terrible thing.
You don't think it's God's way of punishing him?
No, no.
Debbie please, you mustn't torture
yourself with such thoughts.
[singing] So here it is, merry Christmas.
Everybody's having fun.
If I hear that song one more time
I'm going to chin some fucker.
Oh, Jez, tonight am I still covered
for the a couple of hours off?
Is this going to be a regular thing?
I'm learning to read, Jez.
It's not going to happen overnight.
Well read my lips.
I'm running a pub, not a library.
So if you want time off, you better find
someone to cover your shifts.
Preferably young, sexy, and female.
Problem solved.
FRANK GALLAGHER: [singing] Granny always tell you.
House full of kids, you're bound to get the odd nit.
It's fucking disgusting.
You know your trouble? You're too clean.
If you're going out with our Marty,
you have to let your standards drop a bit.
When we were kids, he used to wear Y-fronts for that long,
we'd have to incinerate them.
Maybe that's where the arson started.
It won't crack, you know?
What won't?
Your face.
I'm depressed.
You've food in your belly, clothes on your back,
and a bloke that worships the ground that you walk on.
What's the problem?
I don't know.
You need sunshine.
And how am I going to get that, Marty, in the middle
of fucking winter?
Unless you've got a spare grand to whisk me up to Rio.
No, but I'm going to make you happy.
[car engine sputtering]
Hi, Kev.
Hi, Debbie.
Start talking.
What?
I told you to leave that on.
Debbie, that what the fuck have you done?
Bullshit.
Schools thinks he's ill.
Worse than ill.
One of the teachers just started crying on my shoulder.
She had no right.
I specifically told her not to mention it.
Are you mental?
What the fuck you playing at?
You can't go round telling people that.
Liam, go get in the bath.
Don't want to.
Do as you're told.
They were going to expel him, which
means education inspectors.
Which means home visits, which means social services.
Because in case you hadn't noticed,
no one's bringing us up.
Is that what you want?
Busybodies crawling all over the house?
Authorities coming in and deciding what's best for us?
Because that's what's going to happen.
We'll all be broken up, thrown into care,
or fostered out to the nearest freaking taker.
Why didn't you tell us?
And what would you have done, Lip?
Stop shagging for five minutes?
Expelled, but what for?
They think we're atheists.
He keeps denouncing God?
Where did he get that from?
Who told him God doesn't exist?
Don't blame me.
I say prayers.
It was me.
Why.
Because it's true.
- Debs, he's a little kid. - Exactly.
So we shouldn't be telling lies about superior beings.
You've done some screwy things in the past, Debs,
but this takes the fucking medal.
So what did you tell them?
How did To buy it?
It's a collection of different cancers.
They treat it with monthly chemo sessions.
I've got a letter from the hospital detailing
his treatment schedules.
But you haven't got a letter, because he's
not a fucking patient.
Don't worry.
She didn't want to see it.
People never do.
Maybe this gets better overnight.
No, he's right.
It's our only way out of it.
Well let his hair grow back and pretend the treatments worked.
But it can't leave this room.
The less people know, the more chance
we've got at burying this.
[patrons shouting]
Hang on, hang on.
I've only got one pair of arms.
It's not rocket science.
How long have you been coming in here for?
What do you want, love? A lager?
No problem. - Is it two pints, love?
I asked for crisps.
Yeah, no problem.
Night school, my ass.
Jez, can I borrow these, please?
Yeah, go ahead.
Go on, take them.
Thanks.
Come on, Lillian.
We're three deep at the bar here.
For example, in the sentence I'm going to the bar
to buy two beers, we have two examples
of how the same sounding word is used in different contexts.
But if I were to add, would you like a beer, too.
We can see how third meaning comes into play.
Open your textbooks to page 3, and there
are some straightforward examples of this rule.
Have a look yourselves, and then we will go through it together.
Just going to nip to the toilet, miss.
Dirty bitch.
[rhythmic sound]
Wants me in detention.
Corporal punishment.
I've been a naughty boy.
MAN'S VOICE: Are you going to be long?
I'm fixing the cistern.
Use the other one?
MAN'S VOICE: Which other?
Fuck should I know?
Nip out fire door.
MAN'S VOICE: I've got nothing to bloody wipe with.
Cheers, mate.
Do people think I'm poorly?
No.
Well, sort of.
Liam.
Listen to me carefully.
It's just a game that we have to play.
So if you do exactly what I tell you to do,
then we won't get into trouble.
So if people think you're poorly, that's OK.
You have to let them think that.
It's all part of the game.
Do you understand?
Off you go.
We've got a problem.
Little spare change for the Little Liam Fund?
Oh, cheers.
Thanks so much.
Got any spare change in your pockets, gents?
Come on, let's dig deep in these pockets.
There you go.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks so much.
Brilliant.
A pound?
Is that it?
Little kiddie at death's door, and you cannot manage a pound?
We're sending him to Disneyland, not Camelot.
Sorry to hear about your Liam.
It's a crying shame.
I thought it were your other first, that idiot from Oasis.
I said to Maureen, he can pay for his own trip,
money he's making.
If they start collecting wedge we're in deep shit.
How did Jez find out?
Father Crichton, he's touring pubs with his collection tin.
You happy now?
I didn't now they'd try and send him to Disney World.
I'll go with him.
They've got massive rides, like Space Mountain.
Not just Mickey Mouse.
This is out of control.
There's only one thing for it.
We're going to have to go down there and tell them the truth.
Stop it before it goes any further.
I'm not doing it.
We'll all do it.
Thanks, God bless you.
Oh, thank you.
Chemotherapy is a modem miracle.
Absolutely.
May I buy you a drink, Frank?
Absolutely.
What the fuck's going on?
No, dad--
My own kiddie and no one tells me.
I'm the last to know, as usual.
I have to find know in the pub of strangers.
Is this how it is now?
Is this and we've ended up?
My own kids keeping secrets from me?
Well, I suppose
I've only myself to fucking blame.
But you could have fucking told me.
Liam.
Little Liam.
He's my own flesh and blood.
No, dad.
Look--
Community is about sticking together,
and that's exactly what we're going to do.
So it's my pleasure to declare that Liam Gallagher
Appeal officially open.
[applause]
Frank, I came as soon as I heard.
Oh, mom.
Listen--
Not now.
If we tell him, everyone will now.
Liam dying.
It's a wonder you can remember what he looks like.
Who rattled your fucking cage?
When did you last spend the day with him?
Take him out, have fun?
You Call yourself a father?
Hang on a minute.
She's right, Frank.
He needs his father.
They only need their father.
We should be there for them, like proper parents.
Well, yeah.
Of course.
We could move in, then we'd all be together.
Me, you, and the kids.
One big happy family under the same roof.
We need to talk.
Oh my God.
He's like something from Chernobyl.
Debbie needs to see a shrink.
How cracked do you have to be to make something like that up?
She's a young girl trying to bring up a kiddie
that doesn't belong to her.
We should be praising her, not condemning her.
For making up cancer, Veronica?
For coping with no parents and bunch
of brothers who expect her to behave like their mother.
They're going to kill us, you know that.
Hundreds of pounds have gone in.
Wages, benefits, for what?
Is a fucking sham.
If we tell people the truth, what's
the worst that can happen?
Remember Theresa Tyler?
Read all about it!
Fake charity woman torched from her home.
Heartless bitch in fear of her life!
Read all about it!
If you think you used a kid to extort money,
they will build a fucking bonfire.
We could just say it was a mistake, like we
thought he had cancer before we found
out it was really the mumps.
At least I'm trying.
We've got to keep schtum.
If that means not telling my dad and Sheila, then so be it.
We can't let him think he's dying, Lip.
He can't be trusted.
Look, it's only for a few days.
When it blows over, we'll tell him the truth.
It won't to Frank any harm to love his son
a little bit harder, will it?
You finished talking about me now?
We can't just move in there, Sheila.
He needs a mother, Frank.
Yeah, but they've done all right so far.
Frank, he's your son!
Come on.
Yeah, I know that.
It's like Marty Caine said, you should go into battle
like it's your worst enemy.
Yeah, look what happened to her.
[boy laughing]
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Laugh all you like.
I borrowed these off your mom.
Where's everyone going to sleep?
See?
Aren't these two going to want their own room?
We'll have to convert the living room into a granny flat.
Then no one will be able to get next door.
We won't have any privacy.
I mean, not that we've got anything to hide or anything,
but we are adults with very adult needs.
No.
No, Sheila.
It's not going to work.
Logistics are all to cock.
I'm going to have to sit down and rethink--
what the fuck?
What's this?
This normal?
Who thinks thinks this is normal?
It's for Sue's depression.
Lifting or deepening?
What's going on?
They're moving in.
Susie?
Someone could have told us.
You don't even fucking live here.
Never mind, more than enough room for everyone.
Come on, Sue, you can help me with the cleaning.
Well, I can't clean, Sheila.
It's the dust that gives me migraines.
Ugh.
Present for Sue.
Pets are good for depression.
[bird squawking]
Okay, everyone.
See you next week.
So, how did you get on?
Huh?
Five our of five, excellent.
You're like teacher's pet.
I've got to go, miss.
Ta.
[engine sputtering]
What the fuck?
[explosion]
What the fuck?
Billy, this fucking car you sold me,
you told me it wasn't a ringer.
Bought as seen.
And that was five years ago.
Now fuck off.
Our Satan's got a badger.
I guess you'll be needing a lift.
Well, this is as close as I go.
After this, it's straight to my place.
So what's it to be, Kev?
The thing is, Serena, I've got a girl at home,
and much as I would like, she'd tear my dick off.
She'd never know.
In my experience, women always know.
Suit yourself.
But I know you're interested, or you
wouldn't have to keep nipping off for a wank
halfway through my lessons.
I'm going to have you, Kev.
So, if I were you, I would just get used to the idea.
Thanks for the lift.
Hey!
This kiddie's dying and you're doing that?
Oh, you dirty bastard.
[pop music playing]
Sheila, love, slow down.
I've got a house full of people, all
on an empty stomach.
When are we going to get a chance to eat all this stuff?
We need to conserve our energy.
Great.
I've done breakfast, dinner and tea.
Whatever's left over can be frozen.
Sheila, Sheila.
They can all look after themselves.
What do you think they did before we moved in?
Stop.
I mean look at them.
None of them are wasting away.
Just stop fucking cooking.
Will you?
You're like a woman possessed.
We need food, Frank.
It's what keeps us healthy.
Besides, little Liam is enjoying himself, aren't you?
Mommy's little helper.
[bell rings]
Oh, my risotto will be turned to mud.
If you're looking for drugs, they hide them in the cistern.
No, no.
I was just-- looking for a bit of dope, something
to just take the edge off, you know?
I mean, what, with your brother, and being back here.
It's all a bit of--
Dad.
About Liam.
The thing is, is--
The fuck you both doing in here?
Looking for your drugs.
Yeah, well good luck.
Because I ain't got any.
No gear?
You call yourself a fucking teenager?
Hey, where's Ian's stash?
You've got to stop Jez.
She's talking to a journalist.
You're joking.
She's arranging a charity day all in Liam's appeal.
Jesus.
We're going to have to tell her the truth.
Jez? Are you our of your mind?
She'll sack the pair of us.
We can't let it go in the papers, Kev.
Because if she starts checking details,
contacting the cancer unit, we'll be hung out to dry.
We? What's all this we?
I didn't go around town telling everyone he had fucking cancer.
And neither did I. Yeah, but you didn't try
and stop it when you found out.
I was trying to protect Debbie.
And look what that caused.
Hey, what's going on?
We've got a problem.
Event Events, celebrities, fairground,
the entire day with one aim--
helping a sick child in his hour of need.
And I assume you'll be contributing
the profits from the bar?
Don't push it, sweetheart.
We have a living to earn, you know.
OK.
I think I've got everything.
Right, I want to get a snapper down, get a shot of Liam
and his family outside the pub, if that's possible.
From page spread?
Well, that depends if there's a murder.
I mean, sick kids are good, but there's only one.
And nothing beats a nice, juicy murder.
Let me know when you've confirmed a celebrity.
By the way, this day for little Liam,
what are you calling it?
Liam Day.
Bitch.
We're finished.
Maybe not.
Cover for me.
- Where's Kash? - In the back.
Kash?
Cancer wristbands?
Yeah.
I'm happy to do my bit.
But the fact that they're not even charity registered.
They're still promoting the cause.
Live 8, Comic Relief, do you think
they all do it our of the goodness of their hearts?
Bullocks.
Every time Bono shits, he earns a million quid.
He ain't making poverty history.
We're in a mess.
You're the only one that can get us out of it.
The trouble with you is you put it all down to faith.
Faith.
Well people haven't got fucking faith.
It's all drip, drip, drip.
Drought, famine, tsunami.
Drip, drip, drip.
Just, things are getting worse down here?
You know?
It's getting fucking worse.
So you fuck him, let him sit on his cloud, twiddling his beard.
As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods.
They us for their fucking sport.
Fucking Shakespeare, fucking King Lear.
Yeah, he had it right, didn't he?
But you can't expect us just to like you just like that,
as a matter of course.
You can't expect, [singing] oh, come let us adore him.
Oh come-- fuck off.
Where's your cure for cancer?
Where's your help for the little Ethiopians,
and the little kiddies with two hearts,
and arms that don't work properly.
If you want us to have fucking faith,
you're going to have to prove yourself.
Second coming, parting of the waves.
Something spectacular, something biblical.
Otherwise, fucking game's up.
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
Kiss the brick, Frankie Boy!
Oh, this is intimidating.
You know it's harassment.
I know how the fucking Muslims feel now.
Yeah, innocent man, eh Frank?
[singing] On the good ship, lollipop.
It's a nice way--
got a party tonight.
Big bash.
No hard feelings, eh, Frank?
My son is dying!
If there's one time you're allowed to get
mashed off your fucking face!
Little Liam.
[frank sobbing]
Holy Mary, mother of God.
Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed
is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for sinners now
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art though amongst women and--
[woman moaning on television]
Ah!
Kev!
You scared the life-- what are you doing creeping around?
What are you doing cracking one off?
Just fancied it.
Well why didn't you wait for me?
I don't know.
I don't know when you're going be back.
Right.
What's going on?
What are you talking about?
You.
You're acting weird.
I'm not.
I think it's all this Liam stuff, it's making me edgy.
Liam not dying makes you want to wank off to teenie porn?
It's this isn't in V?
I can't do it.
It's just not happening.
- You've only been twice. - Yeah, I know.
But it's going to take months and years.
Week in, week our.
And for what?
To be able to do what everyone else finds piss easy.
Yeah.
And so you can feel good about yourself.
Go for the jobs you want, yeah?
Read the newspaper instead of looking
at the fucking pictures.
You are not jibbing it, Kevin.
Not without good reason.
I've got a good reason.
It's full of spods, that class.
You know, and knob heads who can't fucking read.
I feel like one of the school spanners again.
You're doing really well.
You've just got to keep at it.
Do you think I like wiggling my wares for a load
of overweight businessmen?
No.
But I've got to do it, because I want a summer holiday.
Same with you.
So no more moaning, and no more wanking.
You're going.
Fuck.
[siren in distance]
As a representative of the local council,
I'm delighted to announce that in conjunction with St.
Gabriel's RC Primary School, and the local church,
we have decided to use Liam Day as a fundraiser
not only for little Liam Gallagher,
bless him, but also a number of other sick children
in the locale.
Miss Murdoch, and Father Crichton,
and myself have agreed that a pilgrimage to Lourdes,
the renowned sacred home of healing,
would be the appropriate venue for the trip,
as well as a brief stop at Euro Disney.
At the local council, we'll be provided
a mini bus a free of charge for the entirety of the jaunt.
I know exactly what you're going through.
We lost our Toby to it last September.
Thanks, love.
It's the kindness of strangers that gets you through.
Dicko.
Got some wicked new stuff coming in.
Stronger, proper spaceman stuff.
Stronger the better.
I want a direct route to oblivion.
I don't get it.
What's not to get?
Council donates a minibus, which immediately gives the old thing
a ring of authenticity.
Fill it full of younger unfortunates,
send it to France, and voila.
The appeal has done its job.
It's not all about Liam.
He's just one of a bunch of kids,
which stops that reporter sticking
her nose where it's not wanted.
What do you get out of it?
Publicity for the council, plus a bit extra.
Viagra.
I've got a mate in Toulouse who imports it from India.
1,000 boxes at a tenner a pop.
I'll pick it up on route.
Amount of limp dicks around here, we're going to clean up.
We need a driver.
So are you in or what?
Why not.
Could do with some spare dosh.
I need a new fucking car.
[music playing]
Well what about one of the Spice Girls?
I don't care? Any.
Oh, but not Geri.
Not if she's going to bring that bleeding dog.
Take That then.
Well, I know we'll not get Robbie, but the rest of them
can't be busy.
I can phone her if you like.
Oh, we're not having Sue Pollard.
[doorbell rings]
You feeling any better, Sue?
A little bit.
Can't rush these things.
Depression lifts in it's in good time.
A bit lower, Marty.
That's it.
Oh.
My mom's here?
Liam?
Who is it?
I'm your mommy.
[monica sobbing]
Hello, Monica.
Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't anybody tell me?
[monica sobbing]
He's not ill.
[crying]
It's all a lie.
It was a mistake.
She didn't mean any harm.
Well, if you had come for the home visit, none of this
would have happened.
Oh.
So it's my fault, is it?
Fucking hell.
And there's me thinking it was you, or you, or you.
No, it's fucking Frank.
Again.
I suppose tweedledum and tweedle-fucking-dee knew
and all, did they?
We knew.
Yeah, just muggins here.
I didn't know either, Frank.
No, fine.
If that's how much I fucking matter,
you'll be better off without me.
Frank!
This is sick.
This is beyond sick.
Fucking bitch.
[car honking]
Why did nobody tell me Fiona had left?
You've got my number.
You could have called.
It's a two way street, isn't it?
Try ringing us from time to time.
We were managing OK until all this happened.
There's a fundraising day Saturday.
You can't go through with it.
We've got no option.
Will you stay for it?
It'll look better if you were there.
It'd be like I was going along with a lie.
He's my baby.
When I heard that word cancer, it tore me apart.
Don't worry, I'm not staying.
Just going to go and say goodbye to Liam.
I thought tonight was night school?
No, it's off.
Teacher's been run over.
You've not packed it in already.
No, no.
Fucking teacher's ill, intensive care, life support.
They're about to call the priest in.
I'm not even sure if she's--
I can't bleeding go, can I?
Why not?
Because the teacher's hitting on me. - And I'm afraid
I'm going to end up boning her.
No, it's not funny, Karen.
She means business.
Proper porno poses, the works.
And I take it Veronica don't know.
No.
And as far as she's concerned, I'm still
going to go on my lessons.
How long are you going to keep that up for?
I don't know. As long as it takes.
Oh, Jesus.
What if she looks in my work book?
The school book.
They'll be no new sentences in it.
Well, write some.
Got a bit of a problem there, Karen.
You couldn't help us, could you?
Bring it here, then.
Ta.
You back?
How was strip-o-gram?
Some jug-eared tosspot's 40th.
He got a lob on though, so I must have done something right.
How was college?
Oh, crap.
We did that quick brown fox thing.
What's that?
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
It's a sentence right, using every letter in the alphabet.
It's good, isn't it?
I were well impressed.
Learn something new every day.
You're not kidding.
What?
- You have not been, have you? - Yeah, of course--
Dear Veronica, I can't go to night school
because the teacher is a horny little bitch who
keeps flashing me her fanny.
Sorry, love Kev.
- Karen! - Kev!
Look, I was going to tell you, but I
thought you'd just be down there ripping her eyes out.
She a fucking predator, right?
It's sexual harassment.
If I was a bird, I could have her up in court.
Kevin, you are pathetic.
Can you not trust yourself not to shag someone?
She wouldn't leave me alone.
Like she said she was going to have me, not matter what.
I felt like I've been unfaithful just looking at her.
I only wanted to learn to read.
It's not my fault I'm irresistible.
So much for bettering myself.
I'll be pulling pints for the rest of my life.
I can teach you to read.
Wouldn't that drive you potty?
Probably.
But we're a couple, aren't we?
And sometimes that means doing things
for the benefit of the other.
It's all the rage, corporates, bisexual birthdays.
And we'll clean up.
I can't take me kit off in a room full of strangers, V.
You'll be fine.
Packet like yours, they'll be all over you.
Oh, no.
I can't do it, V. One chipolata gag, I'll be a gibbering wreck.
Fine, Kev.
Could have doubled our income as a strip-o-gram.
And I could have taught you to read into the bargain.
Can I be cowboy?
Frank.
LIP GALLAGHER: Say petrol.
Petrol.
[bird squawking]
Say bonfire.
Guess he didn't come back.
I expect me must have slept at home, at our old house.
I'm really sorry, Sheila.
The last thing we wanted was to hurt you or my dad.
You just--
Couldn't be trusted?
Bucket biff.
PARROT: Bucket biff!
He did it.
Help us get through this, Sheila.
Please, we need you.
Really?
PARROT: Bucket biff.
[horns playing]
Good afternoon everybody, and thank you all for coming.
The time is 12:30, the place is Chatsworth, England.
Welcome to Liam Day!
If we get through this, it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got to keep our nerve.
Few hours, and it will all be over.
Oy!
You are off.
If you want to bounce, go and shag your sister.
Fuck off, you mean cow.
It's only a quid down the offie.
Piss off down the offie then, Billy.
Kev, ring Debbie.
Tell her we want the star of the show around here by 2:00.
And get your wristband on!
Now I know how Geldof must have felt.
Give us your fucking money!
You little shit.
You didn't even pay for that!
The fuck you doing?
He's wasted.
Ian.
[frank burping]
Look, we made a mistake.
Not interested.
No, we were wrong.
We shouldn't have kept it from you.
Not interested.
But we're in the shit.
We have to make a decision.
Not fucking interested.
Well maybe you should try asking myself
why we didn't tell you.
Ah, Dicko.
The very man.
Come on, I need that spaceman stuff.
[crowd applauding]
ATTENDEE: Is that him?
[camera snapping]
ATTENDEE: Is that the cancer boy?
Why is everybody clapping?
Just pretend you're Superman, yeah?
Hello, everybody, and thank you all for coming.
Hope you're all enjoying Liam Day!
Today is a very special day, because it's
about our community, the community of Chatsworth coming
together in a common cause.
Little Liam Gallagher is an exceptional child,
and I'd like is all to commend and applaud
this young man's bravery.
And I'm delighted to announce that thanks for your generosity
we've reached our appeal target of 6,000 pounds.
What the hell is going on?
Little Liam, dying of cancer.
It's a bummer, but like, at least he
gets a free holiday out of it.
No!
Why do you keep punishing me?
Haven't I done enough?
Mom!
Carol!
Don't let it happen!
Don't let this little boy be taken away.
It's all right.
Debbie made it up.
It's only a game.
Liam, no!
What?
[crowd murmering]
Debbie?
Is this true?
Debbie?
It's a load of bollocks.
He's not even dying!
It's a con?
They're nicking our fucking money!
This is still a worthy cause.
These children deserve your support.
[frank gallagher shouting]
Help!
ATTENDEE: What's happening?
What's he doing?
Frank!
LIP GALLAGHER: He's not breathing.
Veronica, he's not breathing.
IAN GALLAGHER: Is he just pissed?
Don't crowd him.
IAN GALLAGHER: Do something.
He can't be dead.
CARL GALLAGHER: Why isn't anyone doing anything?
[interposing voices]
Please, someone help.
Dad.
Daughter's deceit leaves dad dead.
[devices beeping]
Don't you dare die.
Because who will that help?
Then we'll have no one.
Is that what you want?
To leave us on our own?
Mom's gone, Fiona's gone.
And now you're going to leave us.
It's not fair.
It's just not fair.
So you're going to have to live.
And that's the end of it.
Do you hear me?
I know I shouldn't have told everyone Liam had cancer.
I know you hate me for not telling you the truth.
But you're my dad, and I'll make everything all right,
I promise.
If you live, I'll make everything all right.
[siren blaring]
MAN: Excuse me.
Debbie.
Yeah?
It will be all right, won't it Debbie?
Struck Down at the moment of truth.
It's biblical, is this?
It's God's way of telling her what she did was pure evil.
Carol.
Zip it.
Don't you think I know that?
But I can't turn back the clock, can I?
Let him live.
Please let him live.
I can't be on my own.
I'd rather die than be without him.
Frank has had a very serious toxic reaction,
which led to this collapse.
He doesn't live with animals at all, does he?
No.
Only he seems to have consumed a large quantity
of phencyclidine.
It's a tranquilizer, often used by vets to calm horses.
- He'll be all right, though? - He'll be fine.
A few days rest.
But he's had a lucky escape.
PCP is one of the big boys, not to be fooled with.
We're taking him home.
His home is here.
Liam, love.
All your things are ready.
You're going to come back to mommy's house for a while,
and be looked after properly.
Mom, you can't just take him.
He doesn't know me.
I'm his mom and he can't remember who I am.
Whose fault is that?
You know why I left.
You're all grown up now.
Well, nearly grown up, but our Liam, he's so young.
We need to spend some proper time together.
Mom, don't do this.
It's just not fair.
You can't split us up again.
You can't do this.
I won't let you.
This has nothing to do with you.
It's got everything to do with me.
You want to pick a fight, Sheila, you're
messing with the wrong chicks.
We're taking him and that's the end of it.
Over my dead body.
If necessary.
There isn't a court in the land wouldn't
support me having my son.
Well we'll see then, won't we?
Because that's the only way he's going to leave this house.
Stop it.
Just stop it.
You're arguing over him like he's a lost dog.
He's got a mouth and a brain.
He can decide what he wants for himself.
He's a five-year-old boy.
Why don't you try asking him?
Liam, love.
We need to decide where you're going to live,
who's going to look after you.
Do you understand?
So where do you think you'd be happiest?
With me, your real mommy--
And Norma.
Or staying here with Sheila and your father.
It's up to you, mate.
Whatever you choose is all right.
Some weekends, as long as I can have some weekends.
It's funny.
In spite of everything that's happened, I feel good again.
Clouds have lifted, and it's all down to you.
Just want you to be happy.
I am.
With you looking after me.
PARROT: Lazy bitch.
Lazy bitch
But that parrot's got to go.
Let's get you inside.
Hot bath and rest, that's what you need.
Better start looking after yourself.
Don't want to be widowed before I'm even wed.
Heard every word.
This is, um, interesting.
Did you to it yourself, Sheila?
Yeah, it's really quite straightforward.
It's wine, brandy, cinnamon sticks, clover.
Paint stripper!
You're supposed to put sugar in mulled wine.
Sugar.
Forgot the sugar.
Must have been all the excitement.
Never mind, you can add your own sugar when you want.
There you go. CAROL: Good health.
Good health.
Unaccustomed as I am, I'd like to say a few words.
Sometimes, you know, it takes a bolt
from the blue to make you realize
what is important in life.
And so, I'm welling up a bit.
Because just before I hit the deck, thinking that my number
was up, I had a vision.
A sort of premonition.
Clear as day, like I could touch it.
And it was me and Sheila together,
gray haired and wrinkly, in Sheila's house,
on Sheila's couch, surrounded by all our children.
Every single one of you.
And you were looking after us, in our dotage.
And no matter what we needed, you couldn't do enough for us.
Oh, Frank.
So, no, no. All right.
Just wait a minute.
Let me finish what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is, I forgive you for the lies, the deceit.
Because I know that whenever I need you,
you will always be there for me.
Me and you are going home, our home,
so we can make this vision come true.
Frank.
SHEILA: Cheers.
Cheers, everyone.
FRANK GALLAGHER: They say truth is stranger than fiction.
That is true.
I mean, the world's full of people
doing mad sick crazy things.
Take a look around you, you couldn't make it up
is a month of fucking Sundays.
[singing]
What's new, pussycat?
Whoa.
Do you want a drink?
All right.
Unless you fancy something a bit stronger.
You pork my sister, you're dead.
You make me so fucking horny.
Is that what Romeo said to Juliet.
Move your fucking hand, you silly bitch.
I just need a room, that's all.
Damsel in distress, needing shelter.
He's begging her.
She's slapping him.
Who the fuck have we let into our lives?
[yelling]
He's not your fucking mate.
It's just a normal family home.
[music playing]
Q-U-I-C-K. B-R-O-U?
Wrong.
There's no U in brown.
Oh, does that mean I'm going to have have the cane again,
miss?
I'm afraid so.
Bend over.
[whipping sound]
KEVIN: Oh, miss.