FRANK: (VOICEOVER) Now nobody's saying that Chatsworth Estate
is the garden of Eden, but it's been a good home to us-- to me,
Frank Gallagher-- and me kids, who
I'm proud of, 'cause single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.
Run, run for it.
Quick, leg it.
FRANK: (VOICEOVER) Fiona, who's a massive help.
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him
Philip anymore.
Ian, a lot like his mom, which is handy for the others,
because she's disappeared into thin air.
And Carl, we didn't let him grow his hair for two reasons--
one, it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah--
two, nits love it.
No!
FRANK: (VOICEOVER) Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
You've to check your change, but she'll go miles out
of the way to do you a favor.
Plus Liam, going to be a star, once we've
got the fits under control.
[screaming]
Sheila, me bird, couldn't be happier.
One place short of a full set, like.
Fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica, lend you anything.
Well, not anything.
But all of them to a man know first
and foremost, one of the most vital necessities in this life
is to know how to throw a party.
[laughing]
Scatter!
Moon river, wider than a mile.
I'm crossing you in style someday.
We're--
FIONA: (VOICEOVER) I think it was Mum who said,
"you don't get anything free in this world."
And I remember thinking, well, water's free.
And then she left, leaving the final demand
for the water rates, and I discovered
even that had a price.
Moon River and me.
FIONA: (VOICEOVER) A big part of growing up in our house
was about trying to find something for nothing.
Fiona, you won't get benefits if you walked out of a job.
So, I'll have to get another one.
Oh, just like that.
FIONA: I've never had a struggle before.
You've only ever had one.
Don't care, I'm not being spoken
to like a child for anybody.
Yeah well couldn't you have just said that to you boss,
and talked it through, though?
Chucking it in's a bit rash.
Here you go, on me.
Some things are worth standing up for.
My two went to that nursery.
I've been that far off twatting her myself.
She's put herself out of work.
Well if less of us put up with that kind of shit,
people like her might think twice.
I wouldn't care, but she didn't
pay anywhere near minimum wage.
I haven't, and I don't intend to.
All right, them lot.
When did you last have an accident?
Makes you feel like you've missed out.
What have I told you too?
We can stand here if we want.
We're only doing our job.
Well, go do it somewhere else.
Don't tell me that Costshopper don't get a cut
when you stand in their door.
You're hardly fucking Costshopper.
This is your last warning.
Cheers, Yvonne.
[laughing]
Oh, God.
God, talk to me, talk.
What is it?
It's the third time I've seen him this week.
We'll go the long way 'round.
You've had him, haven't you?
You have, you've gone red!
When?
He's dead fit, mind!
Veronica!
You have though, haven't you?
I'm carrying his baby.
I'm 10 weeks overdue.
Now can we please keep walking?
Jesus, Fiona.
How do you know it's his?
Because I do.
There hasn't been anyone else.
And it isn't Steve's.
Have you told him?
No, and I'm not going to.
Oh, here we go.
Are you right in the head or what?
What's it got to do with him?
About half.
He'll need to know what it's going to cost him.
It was an accident.
He doesn't need to know.
I've booked the abortion.
And?
I don't know whether I'm going to go through with it.
I've not decided.
It's already cost you your job.
No it hasn't, that was me.
Yeah, you pregnant, techy, worried.
I was the only girl in my class who wasn't pregnant
before her GCSE's.
Always been really proud of that.
If you're worried about what he'll say,
I could come with you.
No.
No, he doesn't need to know.
[music playing]
Have you had an accident in the past five years?
No, I don't think so.
Are you sure?
Think.
Do you know anyone who's had an accident?
An accident?
Boof!
Yes, yes.
Packet of skins, large ones.
And a baby-- baby thing--
dummy!
Kids are driving me crazy.
Hey, Yvonne.
Have you had an accident in the past five years?
Right, that is it.
I've told them twice this morning.
Down there by the front.
Oi!
Next time, it'll be me baseball bat.
For fuck's sake!
Right, we'll have you for that.
Tell it to the back of my head, loser.
Oh!
Oh, you big poof, sit down here.
I'm fucking soaked!
And me forms are ruined.
Oh, Jesus, me tooth!
Where's me tooth?
You'll be all right, Frank.
Oh, you've split your lip right open.
Might have to go hospital with that.
I've no tooth, where is it?
We'll take him to the hospital.
FRANK: Fuck off.
I can't go, look at me!
That's negligence.
A classic claim.
You could be a rich man here.
Right you, out!
Hang on a minute.
Is this what it's come to, charity tins?
Yeah, not for the first time.
What's the point in me and Ian working our arses off
after school, bringing money into the house,
if you can just chuck a job away.
You tell me.
So the kids don't starve.
This one's empty.
It can't be.
Have you seen the state of this?
Yeah, I know.
But it's only 'til Fiona gets another job.
Loser!
Rubbish, because she starts work for Terry Wilson
next Monday.
You serious?
He wants to see you first to make sure you're not a minger,
but yep.
You are brilliant.
Hey Fiona, I take it back.
You're not a lazy, dim bitch.
Terry Wilson died during a bypass.
You say this every time his name comes up.
Terry Wilson had a bad accident on a bypass, not during one,
and he didn't die, or else he wouldn't be offering her
a driving job, now would he?
Driving?
I can't drive.
Yeah, you can, I've seen you.
No license.
Oh well, tell him it's at the DVLA
and get a few lessons in quick.
Do you want beans on these, Carol?
No, thank you.
I'll get myself a fish without batter.
It comes under public safety in a place of business.
So many boxes I can tick here.
Oh Frank, you could have lost an eye.
Now, that would have been big money.
They made me wait five hours in fucking
casualty because some guy who shot
himself starts queue jumping.
True, but he died.
Oh, Frank!
True, but shot himself.
Hello?
Nye Bevan would be turning in his grave
if he thought that twisted fucks like that
would be prioritized over your average working fellow.
And they wonder where the money goes.
Director of Health Services, fucking chimps,
the a lot of them.
Couldn't direct urine.
Have you had any head pains, Frank?
What?
Oh, yeah.
Good.
Blurred vision?
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
I have actually, since me 21st.
He's got the key to the door, never
see life as it was before.
[laughing]
Too true, first drink was spiked with a medley
of LSD and Spanish fly.
Got arrested for shagging the exhaust pipe of a Mini Metro.
DV?
Textbook.
Double vision.
Did you hear that Sheila, I'm textbook.
I'm not surprised.
And that tooth wants capping, pronto.
I'll get you in private.
Private?
Thanks love.
It's all in the claim.
We've got a referral scheme.
Remember Frank, no win, no fee.
And we will win.
Just need your autograph here, and we'll
make you a rich man, Frank.
Well you obviously like him.
I don't.
You big liar.
How many times have you said that men don't face
up to their responsibilities?
Never.
Well, I have.
And if you don't tell them, he'll find it from the CSA
down the line.
If you decide to keep it.
Don't need the CSA.
Oh, hello, single unemployed mom, which you will be once
you start to show.
Tits are already bigger.
Are they?
Hey, they're nowhere near mine,
to keep your beady eyes off.
Look, just go around and tell him, and tell him quick.
Trust your Auntie V.
[knocking]
Hiya, is Frank in?
We need to talk to him about this letter.
Are you police officers?
We're from the shop on the parade, Sheila.
Oh!
Yeah, context.
Sorry, didn't recognize you without the strip lighting.
Come in, come in.
It was an accident, Frank.
Look, bottom line is, we can't afford six grand.
We'd have to close the shop.
We don't want that, do we Frank?
They won't close.
Kash.
Hang on.
Frank, be reasonable.
I only want what's right, Kash.
I mean, what's happened to trading standards?
Mary Whitehouse?
Anyway, it's all in the hands of my lawyers.
Frank, don't do this.
I've built that shop from scratch.
Whiplash, new tooth, do you know what that costs?
You wanker, Frank Gallagher.
Don't you ever show your pathetic
ass of a face in my shop again.
Oh, true colors now, is it?
Setting the dogs on.
Very fucking red dot.
You want to try earning a living like the rest of us.
Oh, I thought you were closing down.
It's your son you're hurting, Frank.
Come on, Kash.
We're wasting our time.
Thanks for coming.
[ringing]
Yvonne, have we got any more pegs in the back?
I don't know, and I don't care.
We're closing up.
Come on, you lot, out.
What's happened?
Your dad, Frank Gallagher, that's what's happened.
I'm closing up.
You're out of a job.
I'm waiting to be served here.
Whatever it is, have it.
I will not be blackmailed by people around here.
If they want to treat us like this,
they don't deserve a shop.
I forgot, I wanted two tins of salmon,
can I take them as well.
Don't push it, Lillian.
Ian, I'm sorry, but you're going have to go home.
Kash, do the shutters.
Could everyone leave now, please?
This shop is no longer open for business.
You don't have to do this.
Kash, this is my shop.
Ian, I'm sorry, but I've no choice here.
[knocking]
Is Craig in?
Yeah, come in.
Craig, visitor.
Oh, hello, stranger.
Long time no see.
I just came to have a word.
All right.
This is Sue.
Hiya.
My wife.
Oh, right.
Hi.
This is Fiona.
Don't worry, it doesn't change anything, whatever he said.
We're not together.
Haven't touched in two and a half years, have we?
Can't get shot of her.
That's because the tight-arsed gimp
won't give me what me owes me.
Yeah, well, there's two sides to that.
And don't touch the pasta in the fridge,
I'm having it later.
It's just that technically all this is half mine,
otherwise I would be long gone.
Is that yours, as in it was your dad who worked
all his life to pay for it.
No, mine as in rightful settlement.
Watch him.
Welcome to my world.
[music playing]
Fiona!
Yeah, a flat three grand for this, or so my lawyer tells me.
Well, your face is your fortune, ain't it, Frank?
Hey, Jez.
Could we say I work here?
Bring in a sick note, loss of earnings, stick on the claim.
If I said you worked here, Frank, Health and Safety
would shut me down.
Oh come on, the money I've spent in here.
Do you want to see your bar tab?
Claim for that and tell them you were driven to drink!
You bastard!
You stupid fucking bastard!
Jesus, what the fuck was that for?
Right, you, out!
Shop's had to close down because of him.
They can't afford to keep it open.
I'm out of a job, Kash is out of a job,
your family's on the bread line, and you don't give a fuck.
It's not shut, is it?
What are you talking about?
Is it shut?
Ask him, he's suing the shop and they've had to close it.
[muttering]
Where are we going to shop with that place gone?
It's a half mile walk to the precinct.
Something's up.
Yvonne were kicking off terrible,
and she chucked me out.
So is it fucking shut?
That's what I'm saying, yes, she were cursing him.
Right, you.
We're not serving you.
What, you can't bar me!
We're not barring you, Frank.
We're just not choosing to serve you, due to popular demand.
Do we want to serve someone who's closing our amenities?
No!
See?
[music playing]
I don't believe this, I'm really sorry Ian.
Well, I'm not finding him a job as well.
Yours better work out, or we're
up shit creek without a paddle.
You all right?
Can't keep it now.
I really need this job, V.
You'll be all right.
Have you been round to loverboy's?
- Yeah. - And?
I met his wife.
He's married, Jesus!
Who's married?
Nothing, no one.
You're gonna have to tell 'em.
I'm pregnant.
I knew it, I knew you were.
You did not.
Everyone says that.
I did, I've been knitting booties for a week.
The yellow ones, they're in my room.
How did you get pregnant?
Don't be thick.
Shit, Fiona.
Whose is it?
You don't know him.
Congratulations.
Another mouth to feed.
Thank you.
I'm going to bed.
Up the duff!
I know--
I know how you get pregnant.
[music playing]
[knocking]
One more won't make much difference.
Prick!
Slaphead!
For fuck's sake.
Come on, Fiona.
Don't want to be late on your first day.
What you on about?
You can't drive on your own.
DEBBIE: Not on your provisional.
I can drive.
No one's gonna know, I'll easily get away with it.
And what if you get stopped?
You'd be out of another job, and then
how clever would that be?
Someone's got to sit with you, then it's legal.
When was this decided?
ALL: Last night.
And Marty was the only one we knew with a clean license.
Well, he's been inside too long to run up any points.
[chuckling]
[sighs]
God help me.
LIP: See you.
DEBBIE: Have a nice time.
LIP: Wouldn't want to be you.
DEBBIE: Bye.
[music playing]
[knocking]
Come for the money you owe me.
Can help with stocktake if you want to earn a bit more.
Are you really going to close?
Got chance of a unit.
Croft Estate, Valesworth.
That's miles away.
I can apply for a start-up grant.
They're giving them away up there.
More money than that is around here.
Could be the best thing that ever happened.
Ah, don't start.
What choice have we got?
It's either this, or we watch his dad piss
away all our hard-earned money at Jockey.
Well, there's no chance of that, they've barred him.
Why, what's he done now?
Shut this shop.
They hate him.
It's nice to know that there's some justice in the world.
I'll leave you two.
I was going to come and see you.
It's not fair.
We'll still see each other.
When, Kash?
And where?
Back of your van?
Come here.
[crying]
So where's you dad drinking, then, Ian?
Nowhere, they've all barred him.
Well, you better be right.
'Cause I'll have your balls if this plan don't work.
What plan?
[music playing]
What are you doing, Marty?
It's my mirror.
If I'm as responsible for the vehicle,
then I've got to have one of these.
Where'd you get it?
It's mine, I found it.
Kev, there's a motorcycle overtaking now.
Yeah, all right, Veronica, I see it.
Who the fuck nicks a driving mirror?
Here, make yourself useful.
Hook up that address in this.
Headlamps!
If you offset the loss of business against the claim,
it's about eight days before we're out-of-pocket.
But I'm holding out for no more than two, Ian.
Right, that's two hundred.
Right.
Get these to everyone who has a paper,
and any other doors you pass.
Your dad is going to be begging us to open.
Sorry love, we're closed, legal reasons.
Frank Gallagher's fault. That's Frank Gallagher.
Off you go, you two.
[music playing]
Kash.
Pint, please.
A pint of what, Sheila?
Just a pint.
I'm not serving you, Frank.
More than my job's worth.
Christ's sake, give me the fucking Oscar.
Come on, a quick one.
Jez will never know.
No, but they will.
Go on, get out.
They've lost the shop, Frank.
They're angry.
Oh, give over, they can shop anywhere?
Shops, it's not fucking Warsaw.
[music playing]
Come on, Frank, everybody's looking.
Give us an E to take away.
Keep it to yourself.
[coughing]
Just a pint!
Sorry, Frank.
It just caught me off guard.
I kept thinking whiskey, but I knew that wasn't right.
All you had to fucking do--
[screaming]
Oh God, blood!
I've been shot!
- Fucking egg! - Oh!
Oh!
Oh my God, Frank.
MAN: Frank Gallagher, you bastard!
[screaming]
It's a fucking egg.
[screaming]
MAN: You're a dead man, Gallagher!
Fuck off!
Here you go, five sugars.
Fiona-- blimey!
Fiona-- not a chance!
Do you want the baby?
I don't want to talk about it, Marty.
Because if you want to keep it,
you don't have to bring it up alone,
if you don't want-- shitting!
Thanks.
I'd do anything for you.
Look, Marty.
The thing is, I'm not going to have it.
I need to keep this job, or we've got no money coming in.
Wouldn't be a good idea right now.
I'm booked in for the morning.
But thanks.
Right.
I suppose that's for the best, though.
Is it?
You don't have to do this, you know.
Sitting with me.
It's very kind, I'm really grateful.
It's fine, I like it.
I don't min-- wanker!
Not you.
I'm dropping the charges, you can have the shop back.
[cheering]
Now pour us a pint.
Let's see you do it first.
[music playing]
Remind me to pick up some free condoms while I'm here.
You seen the state of her?
How did she get a bun in the oven, looking like that?
Fiona Gallagher?
Shall I come with?
No, no, I'll be fine.
See you in a bit.
[music playing]
I mean, it's what this country's all about, isn't it?
I mean they're hard little workers in here,
and they represent the values of our way of life.
Late night opening, fair prices, and affordability.
I'm proud to announce back open.
[applause]
Right, I'm going home, I've got a headache.
Before you say anything, we've had
to make one or two price rises, it's only
because the loss of business.
But if you offset that against your bus fares
you've been paying, you're still saving.
Total victory.
Yeah, well, get outside there, and of make
yourself worthwhile.
See the kettle on, Sheila.
Oh sweet Jesus, what do you two want?
Tell me you haven't gone and cancelled your claim, Frank.
Look, I don't want to talk about it.
You can't pull out now.
Wheels in motion, Frank.
They've explained it to me.
Look, we spent the best part of a day with you, Frank.
Oh, Christ.
I can't do right for doing fucking wrong around here.
Look, you know, I've had eggs and stuff, so no more, finito.
Frank, I don't think you quite understand.
This is your bill, read the small print.
If you terminate the claim prior to completion,
any costs incurred by the company
are passed on to the client.
And that's you, Frank. - You what?
It is in there, you signed it.
What fucking costs?
Letter to the Karib's, dental work, admin costs.
Yeah.
926 pound, 47 pence.
Oh my God, Frank.
What have you done?
[baby crying]
[music playing]
How are you?
Fine.
So don't all stare at me.
We wondered where you were.
What?
Carl, what?
What's the matter?
Hi.
Fuck are you doing here?
I wanted a word.
I told him to come back later, but he wouldn't go.
It's fine.
Look, if it's a bad time.
No, no, you might as well stay.
Is everything all right?
FIONA: Yeah.
And?
I better explain.
Right, yeah, I'd better be off, washing up to do,
probably.
You know where I am if you need me.
I went for an abortion today.
Right.
I'm sorry.
But I didn't have it.
I couldn't.
I feel different, in a good way.
I just couldn't do it.
So I'm keeping it. So don't start.
Look, this is a bad time.
It's yours, by the way.
I've been trying to tell you.
I thought if I knew you a bit better,
it might make more sense.
But then everything seemed to go wrong.
Sorry.
It's OK, though.
I sorted it all out.
Well you should have told me.
Well I might have, if your wife hadn't answered the door.
Well, I didn't know you were gonna turn up.
I wasn't hiding it.
It doesn't matter.
And You.
Were right, it's nothing to do with me.
What, and you thought once you told me, you'd never see again?
It's what most blokes around here do.
Bollocks.
Most of them get married, and really fuck things up.
Well, you haven't got that option, nor do I.
I'm not asking for anything.
It doesn't involve you.
Do I not have that option ever?
I don't know.
So how long have you been married?
Years.
Well, it feels like years.
Can't get shut of her.
It's my dad's house, but she's claiming it's half hers.
I wouldn't care, but he's still alive--
just.
I was working on the oil rigs when we first met,
I think that suited her.
I would go away and she'd go shopping.
Do you want to know the irony?
I've wanted a little girl for years, just not with you.
Oh.
No, I don't mean with somebody like you,
just, you know, somebody I planned it with, around with.
So were you trying?
I thought we were-- that we both were.
Turned out she was using enough contraceptives
to sterilize an elephant.
Why'd you say a little girl?
Had a sister that got hit by a car.
Is that true?
Yeah, course it is.
Who'd make that up?
[music playing]
All right, Paddy.
Hey, Paddy!
Didn't you win the what's it-- the lottery, a few weeks back.
No Frank, it was me brother Mark.
Right, but could you ask him to lend me a few hundred quid,
just for a week.
I can ask him, Frank, but he won't do it.
Oh, come on.
He won 75 pounds, Frank, and he's still got
that fine to pay 'cause of you.
Good night.
Fucking-- so fucking.
[muttering]
Oh, well I phones as soon as the lines were open,
so I don't see how I could be too late.
Oh, OK.
Fingers crossed for next time.
Bye.
Some people are so snooty.
[knocking]
Come in.
Oh, that's perfect.
Here you are, Carl.
Congratulations on the baby, by the way.
Thank you.
What does that make me?
A half granny or step granny?
Either way, it's a bit of a mouthful.
Your Up was so moved.
Holiday to Florida, 500 pound spending
money, GMR, 15 minutes.
We'll just take the spending money.
Can't fly.
What's going on?
Phone-ins.
I'm going to get us the money back.
Your dad's inconsolable.
He tried to sell his cap back to the dentist this morning.
You're gonna win it?
I've done them before, when Karen was little.
Year's supply of mini yogurts.
The secret's in the tie-breakers.
I'm a natural.
I've done two quizzes on the radio already.
[laughing]
Bit of a long shot, isn't it?
Someone's got to win.
Do you want to play beat the intro, Sheila?
Whatever!
[laughing]
I need to get off.
Good luck.
Yeah.
Your dad's so proud of you.
It never rains but it fucking pours.
You try and bring your kids up with some self-respect,
and then what.
Your daughter, the apple of your eye's up the duff from some
Tom, Dick, or Harry.
Where do we go wrong?
Have you tried leading by example?
I mean what about Liam?
He's yours, Frank.
Yeah, I know that, but she can't just
walk out and leave him.
MAN ON TV: Are you there, Sheila?
I'm on the air.
Call Karen.
Yes, hello, I'm still here, Dickie.
Oh, fucking hell, not you too again.
Sheila!
Look, everybody, Sheila on Grab My Grand!
SHEILA: (ON TV) Oh, I know that one.
Is it Puffin Island?
Correct, next question.
What is the capital of Spain?
Barcelona!
I went at Easter with the two Marthas, 7 pound return.
Is it, fuck, it's Lisbon.
SHEILA: (ON TV) Is it Madrid? SHEILA: (ON TV)
DICKIE: (ON TV) Correct.
It's Barcelona.
Get it right, and you've won 1,000 pounds.
But if you are wrong, you go away with absolutely nothing.
So here we go.
How many sides has an dodecahedron?
Fucking great.
SHEILA: (ON TV) Oh dear, let me think.
Dodecahedron.
DICKIE: (ON TV) I'm going to have to push you for an answer,
Sheila.
SHEILA: (ON TV) Oh dear, oh dear.
Oh, what could it be?
12.
DICKIE: (ON TV) 12.
[cheering]
[screaming]
We won!
Oh, Sheila, we won!
[applause]
Oh, Jesus, Randy.
Hey, I saw that, that was assault.
What are you talking about?
I didn't move.
Sorry, mate.
Not from where I'm standing.
And unless you call off them swindling lawyers,
there's about 20 witnesses here that'll swear
that you just hit him.
It wasn't me, it was--
All right, Frank.
My fucking cap's come off.
This is a fit up.
Yeah.
Fuck you, ginger.
Call the police, Jez.
Just do it, Barry.
Your dad's gonna love it.
Pass the other T, Carl.
Can we put it in the window?
If you like.
Well, your bill's cleared, Frank.
Now you're down as a bad debt.
Hope it makes you happy.
Hoorah, let's have a pint!
[MUSIC PLAYING, "KOOL & THE GANG, "CELEBRATION"]
Hiya.
Can I get you a drink, then?
Given this was your idea, mine's a pint.
I'll grab a table.
Fiona.
You're all right, Dad.
I'm still going to look after Liam, so you can fuck off.
Sorry I spoke.
The kid should know who it's Dad is.
'Course he should
You're not having any formal visiting rights.
I'm not asking for that.
And I won't.
Be a good-looking kid, though, eh?
Taking after the father, I suppose.
Taking after both of us.
It'll be all right, you know.
I know.
Best we don't get too involved.
Absolutely.
Could just fuck it all up.
Yeah.
We won't, then.
[MUSIC - TAKE THAT, "RELIGHT MY FIRE"]
Relight my fire.
We're gonna be really sensible.
Yeah.
[moaning]
Fiona?
Can this wait?
[moaning]
[music playing]
What are them?
Strawberry undies.
They're out the tin, but they taste nice.
[laughing]
Is Frank here?
I don't think so.
Has anyone seen Dad?
He was celebrating last night.
Has he heard already?
They must have called him.
I've been on the go all morning.
[giggling]
Congratulations on last night.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, the phone's not stopped ringing.
Oh, isn't it lovely how many people call
you when you've won something?
[laughing]
Look, you can go back through to my side if you like.
ALL: Oooh!
How is that an innuendo?
Actually, I'd better get off.
I've got a session with somebody.
ALL: Oooh!
Grow up!
Sorry.
Good excuse, they're a bit of a handful.
Not half.
Cheers.
Right, who's in tonight?
Because I just got paid, so the fish and chips are on me!
[cheering]
Come on, Sheila, we've got to go find Dad.
I forgot to ask.
Do you fancy going for a drink?
ALL: Ooooh!
When?
Tonight.
Why don't you come to mine?
Sure.
What?
[coughing]
Oh.
Oh Jesus, I dreamt I was dead.
Yeah, I have that dream.
Sorry about that, Sheila, it got a bit late last night,
I forgot he was there.
Hello, Frank.
Oh, Christ.
I need a cup of tea, where the fuck am I?
Frank?
I won Grab My Grand last night.
A thousand pounds!
Oh yeah, I remember.
Sheil-- a.
I love you.
Oh, and I went to see the district manager of Accident
Jackpot this morning.
I've paid him!
You're a free man!
What?
You don't owe a penny!
Oh, Jesus.
[moaning]
I was doing my best, Frank.
A thousand fucking quid.
But there's nearly 80 pounds change.
It won't pay the bar bill.
This came this morning.
Second prize, Satin FM.
Oh, Frank, I'm getting quite a taste for this.
I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky.
I should be so lucky, lucky--
FIONA: (VOICEOVER) Sheila celebrated
winning that money for weeks.
For the rest of us, the notion of another mouth to feed
wasn't anything new.
but the idea that it wasn't another offspring of Dad's took
a bit of getting used to.
I am a good human being, with a great deal to offer.
No!
Once the courts see that you're a respectable,
hard-working member of society, they'll
have no choice but acquittal.
Boo! [screaming]
No, no!
So why are you back?
Because, Blondie, I fell in love.
[pounding]
Marty, no!
Did you really think that somebody like her would be
interested in a freak like you?
Beauty's everywhere, just depends
whether you choose to see it.
MARTY: (VOICEOVER) I am a good human being,
with a great deal to offer.
I am a-- - Boner!
Sorry. [music playing]
Ba da da da.
Ba da da da da.
Ba da da da.
Ba da da da da da.
Ba da da da.
Ba da da da da da.
Ba da da da da, da da da da da da, da da.
Ba da da da.
Ba da da da da da.
Ba da da da.
Ba da da da da.
Ba da da da.
[ticking]
[music playing]
Eight letters, copulate!
Sorry.
[breathing heavily]