FRANK GALLAGHER: Now nobody's saying that Chatsworth
Estate is a Garden Of Eden.
But, it's been a good home to us--
to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I I'm proud of cause
every single one of them reminds me a little of me.
They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.
Wait for me.
Quick, Liggy.
FRANK GALLAGHER: Fiona, who's a massive help.
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him
Phillip anymore.
Ian, a lot like his mom, which is handy for the others,
because she's disappeared into thin air.
And Carl-- We don't let him grow for two reasons.
One, it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah.
Two, nits love it.
Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
You have to check you change, but she'll go miles out
of the way to do you a favor.
Plus Liam, gonna be a star, once we got the fits under control.
Steve, Fiona's boyfriend.
The truth is out there.
Not.
Fantastic neighbors, Kevin Veronica, lend you anything.
Well, not anything.
What all of them, to a man, know first and foremost,
one of the most vital necessities in this life,
is they know how to throw a party.
Scatter!
[music playing]
FIONA GALLAGHER: When I was little,
my mom used to say, keep your eyes open, Fiona.
Things aren't always as they seem, which bugged me,
because I thought, what about when you're asleep.
It's only now I know what she meant.
That it's the things you think you know best that have
the power to surprise you most.
[music playing]
Fiona.
I just nipped out for essentials.
[whistling]
Nice outfit.
Started on the spare room again.
Got me a big job though, Fiona.
You're telling me.
Reckon it'll take a few coats to get rid of that purple.
Have you noticed anything unusual?
About what?
On the estate.
Everywhere you turn, it's like people have started--
[chattering]
--gardening.
Carol, what's going on?
My way of contributing to say thank you to Fiona.
And if we happen to win that competition, so much
the better.
FIONA GALLAGHER: What competition?
Didn't you see the letter?
FIONA GALLAGHER: What letter? - From the council.
I left it on the table.
New initiatives so tenants show respect for their houses.
Yeah, there's a year's free rent for the house
with the best kept exterior.
A year's free rent?
You're joking.
Why didn't someone tell me?
Don't you get post to your house?
Shit.
Anyway, you don't stand a chance with that shit
if you was here.
And About anybody's winning that prize, it's all--
Yeah
[oohing]
It'll look lovely when it's all arranged, Fiona.
That's very kind of you, Carol
Just in time for my birthday.
I'm thinking summer barbecue.
[music playing]
How much longer can we string this decoration out?
I reckon we should do orange next.
Tell 'em it'll remind Ma of your fire.
On a window on there?
No one else will make that sort of effort.
So?
Thanks to my mother, I'll be next door.
Theirs look really good, while ours looks
like Steptoe's bleedin' yard.
On no.
I'm gardening, Vee, if that's where this is leading.
No for some poxy competition.
Mm, Kev-- it's for a year's free rent
--Which is why I'm going to work.
And you can get them bleeding bikes fixed.
[music playing]
[knocking]
WOMAN: Steve-- Steve, I need a favor.
Steve, are you there?
A lady doesn't tell her age.
You're as old as the man you feel.
(LAUGHING) Aye, cheeky bogan.
Day after tomorrow.
You know where we are.
Dressed to impress.
Did you shout earlier, Carol?
We were having a lie down.
Borrowed Steve's mobile.
Mine's as flat as a pancake.
Ooh, Kerry Anne-- who the--
Oh, it's not my phone.
[music playing]
VERONICA FISHER: Could be a mistake.
I once got one asking if the gecko was still for sale.
See you tomorrow.
Can't wait.
Four fucking kisses.
He's met someone else.
Who the fuck is Kerry Anne?
You could always ring her.
And say what?
Trust my mama go sticking her nose in.
Veronica, it's the truth.
I'd rather know.
Fiona, wait.
You cant go charging in there all guns blazing.
Why not?
Because you're angry.
And whatever he says, you will need a guilt.
That proves nothing.
I mean Steve's not the affair type.
But it tells you one thing.
He's meant to be meeting her tomorrow night.
So then you find out whether he's lying.
Yeah.
[television chatter]
All right, fellows, how's it going?
Shite.
Fucking council.
Might as well take my shirt of my back.
Getting people to do their own gardens.
That is a conspiracy, Kev.
They're trying to force his hands.
[television chatter]
Hey, Tommy, you know what they say?
Don't get mad, get even.
You still got that big truck?
Uh
[music playing]
A'right.
Let's get started.
He's right.
[music playing]
[water running]
Do you like it?
[music playing]
Oh look.
How did you--
Well, remember the council wasting all that money
on the Diana memorial garden?
(LAUGHING) No.
Well it's what she would have wanted.
[screaming]
We're gonna win!
I love you!
I love you.
[laughing]
Uh, how has this happened?
Just appeared overnight.
Must be God looking out for us.
Yeah, God and his two mates, Tommy and Phil.
You nicked it?
Yeah, best 50 quid I ever spent.
You've done this out of spite.
It's our garden, we'll do what we like.
You've always been like this.
Ever since you was a little girl, always
has to go one better.
What is your problem?
What can't you be pleased for me?
Well, hang on a minute. Hang on.
Calm down.
Both gardens look better than they did.
Yeah, but ours is a bit shitty in comparison.
Years free rent coming our way.
Me own daughter turns against me.
[laughter]
Taxi will be here any minute.
I still don't understand why the twins can't go with you?
Frank, she's in a hospice.
Yeah, but do they not have a cache?
Just a couple of days, you'll manage.
And what about you?
It's not good for mothers to be apart from the nippers.
You know, it plays havoc with the old mom.
Everything's here.
I've color-coded the piles.
Morning's green, afternoon's amber,
evening's red, well puce.
It's like a traffic light in reverse.
And here's a list of what everything does.
Yeah, I've brought up six of me own, you know.
What about grub?
Six drafts of milk in the fridge, baby rice
in the cupboard.
I meant for me.
Nothing could go wrong.
Anything else?
Bye.
Yup (SIGHING) Here's to Alzheimer's.
World of your own and revenge on the kids.
[crying]
Ah, for fuck's sake.
(SINGING) Singing in the rain.
Just singing in the rain.
[laughing]
What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again.
I'm da- da- da- da- da- da- da- da---
Fuck!
Right-- That fucking bitch.
[dog barking]
[knocking]
Do you know what time it is?
Look at our garden.
Go on, look at it.
I mean it was better not done with.
She's done this.
You malicious old bitch!
Veronica, everybody's in bed.
What she's saying about me?
Oh, Carol, go back to bed.
Then she should get to do it for you.
One of your shacks.
What are talking about?
Our garden, you vicious old cunt.
I did not touch your precious bloody garden.
Veronica, you're making a right show of yourself.
Go indoors. - It's all right for, isn't it?
You don't need a year's free rent 'cause flush
twice bought you a spare house.
We still pay for next door.
And if you hadn't spent the last month trying
to find a million reasons why your mom and Mike couldn't
moved back into your house, none of this would have happened.
Oh, fuck off!
You--
[door slamming]
Mm.
There's a face I'm happy to see.
You all right?
Where have you been?
Stoke.
I thought I told you.
Had to offload that Freelander.
Anyway.
I-- I'm going to have a beer, and then follow you up.
[music playing]
[singing]
All right, Sergeant-- to the back--
[singing]
It's a raid.
[beeping]
Right, Sir.
What can I do for you?
Just you two in here?
Who's are they?
Mine.
Out.
Yeah-- No-- Look-- the thing is, see,
I know what it looks like-- - I'm afraid of me own.
I know it can be hard sometimes, getting out, getting a beer,
but the simple fact is don't come in here ever.
Now get 'im home.
12:30, residential home, pub full of drinkers.
That's a violation of your license.
I'm doing you a favor.
If they're in here, they're not out there.
Council orders, straight from the top.
Zero tolerance.
Temporary cessation of license pending appeal.
You're closing us down?
Short sharp shock, that's the message from on high.
But surely we could come take some sort of arrangement.
No.
Get him out of here.
Anyone would think there was a war on.
You are spot on, Frank.
We only introduced the fucking law to stop
minor getting pissed all night.
I mean, hello?
[dog barking]
Who the fuck has to get up in the morning and--
find your keys.
Cracking house, Frank.
Well, everything has a price.
Where the fuck are we going to drink now?
Tommy, i just don't fucking know.
How long's Sheila away for?
Frank?
[music playing]
Surprise!
[noise-makers]
Jesus, almost had me heart stop there!
Happy birthday, Carol!
Aw.
Yeah!
Sound like we're missing all the fun.
Or we could just make our own.
Question-- do you love me?
Where does that come from?
It's not an answer.
Of course I love you.
All right, mental checklist.
Birthday, fine.
Anniversary of first date, fine.
You haven't forgotten anything.
Well what's the face for?
Hm?
[phone ringing]
Yes, I am hearing what you're saying.
But I don't understand why you got--
Look, two days you told me.
Three tops.
And now this?
Things Things aren't too good this end, Frank.
But what about your kiddies.
Your two little babies missing their mom.
Come on, they need you, Sheila.
Christ, every time, my old little Nigel,
he'd start sucking on me tit.
Oh listen, Sheila, I've got to go, I've Debbie's here.
[coughing] Hey, Debbie, good girl,
come help your old dad and baby sit.
No. Carol's having a birthday party.
We need to borrow plates and bowels.
Tell her what you told me.
Last night, a gang of lads kicked
the hell out to my fence, then did over blind Brenda's.
The little bastards.
Satisfied?
Funny they didn't touch yours.
Happy birthday.
Fuck face!
Message for Veronica.
Don't bother coming to the party.
Oh yeah.
What's this?
Stuff you borrowed from us.
Mum wants it all back.
"Best of A-ha?"
Just a couple of hours, Tommy.
Three tops.
Gotta show me face.
Family stuff, you know.
Yeah, right you are.
Just help yourself to anything in the cupboard.
Well, not anything, you know.
And if they start crying out, just,
you know, stick 'em upstairs.
You all got a present.
[cheering on television]
It says it's fucking shut off til further notice.
- Hey Frank. - Hey, Phil.
Hey, Tommy's round our place, watching the fight.
Nice one.
[music playing]
[chattering]
Hello Doll.
Hey.
A little something from from me and Sheila.
Oh, Frank, you shouldn't have.
Oh, it's a--
Thank you.
Here's to another 60 years, aye Carol?
Thank you.
Oh, looking good.
That's just like the aroma he bought Sheila for her birthday.
Mm.
Cause if you're getting hammered,
I'm not going to be four drinks behind.
[phone ringing]
Here.
Who was Who was that? - It's just my sister.
She probably just wants to slag mom off.
Call her tomorrow.
CROWD: Happy Birthday Carol!
Yay!
[knocking]
[chatting]
Veronica, come over.
Did she ask you to do this?
It's your mom's birthday.
You can't not speak to her.
Why not?
If she was that bothered, she would of come around herself.
I'm sorry about last night.
It was her I was mad at, not you.
What happened with Steve?
He lied to me.
Straight to my face, he just lied.
But you still haven't asked him.
The second that question comes out of my mouth,
my life changes forever.
All I've been hoping for.
Married, kids--
Let's just get through tonight.
I can't come to the party, Fiona.
Can you just give her that?
[music playing]
[phone ringing]
No, you're right welcome.
[knocking]
The more the merrier.
Yeah, anybody.
All right.
See you later.
Yup.
[music playing]
This is honestly, that's the last time, all right.
A'right.
Promise me.
[thunder]
Look at that.
It's raining.
It's fucking raining.
Everybody get food in!
[commotion]
[inaudible], Carl.
Yeah!
Right, no fucking here--
[inaudible]
Whole thing's a wash out.
I thought you were going to be optimistic.
Still going on though, isn't it?
Still going on without us.
Honey-- what's up?
She doesn't even want my dad.
Her own daughter, and she hasn't even missed night.
I spent my whole life feeling like this.
Like I wasn't good enough.
Always playing second fiddle.
Meet dad, me brothers, the dog--
I have had enough.
I'm sick of everybody putting their nose in it.
Veronica--
[music playing]
[rain]
[groaning]
Party's over!
Veronica!
Oh, may I have known.
There's no show without punch.
Just give me the fuses, yeah?
- Keep out of it. - Always the same.
Always has to be center of attention.
Why is that, mom?
Oh grow up.
Houseful of people--
did it never occur to you that someone was missing?
Come on, Vee.
This isn't going to help, is it?
Just give me the fuses.
This is none of your business.
You're in our house.
So?
So give me the fucking fuses.
Whoa, posh lad.
Steve-- want the fucking fuses?
Find the fucking fuses!
Stupid bitch, What's with you've, Veronica?
Some kind of perverse Midas touch?
Everything you touch turns to shit.
That's rich.
Coming from the bloke who's screwing around
behind his girlfriend's back.
Veronica.
Kerry Anne ring any bells, Steve?
Oh jeez.
Tell 'em
She's my daughter.
[thunder]
[sirens]
[laughter]
Come on, tell me.
Kev asked me to give him a wank once.
And I did it for him!
[laughter]
[door slamming]
You joined us just in time.
[music playing]
Daughter.
Kerry Anne, seven years old.
Great kid.
Great smile.
Biggest mistake of my life.
And you never thought to tell me?
I was 19 years old.
I was trying to be a doctor.
She was a family friend.
Her name was Miranda.
We've known each other since we were kids
and should never have started it.
But was only ever meant to be casual.
You know, a bit of fun over the summer.
Next thing I know, she's coming on heavy.
Telling me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
So you're just pissed off?
Left her with one in the oven?
She told me she was on the pill.
Swear to God, Fiona, neither of us wanted a kid.
We both had careers ahead of us.
She only did it to keep a hold of me.
And I fucked off because I couldn't
allow myself to get trapped.
Not in that life.
How often do you see her?
Three, four times a year.
Special occasions, birthdays.
The contact, that's a new thing.
She's falling in love with mobiles.
When last?
It's not as simple as you think, Fiona.
When did you last see your daughter?
She doesn't know I'm her dad.
She lives with my brother.
Joe stepped in after I left.
Filled the vacuum.
He always loved Miranda, and everybody knew, but--
Part of me thinks I was only ever shagging
to put one over on him.
They brought up Kerry Anne as their own.
And they painted me out of the picture.
- I need a drink. - Fiona, please, just--
I was 19.
[sobbing]
[knocking]
Veronica-- I'm not talking to the fucking door
Go!
Veronica--
Go away!
Oh, will you just let me explain--
Got to bed, Kev.
Never [inaudible]. - Just come out.
Yeah, all right. You wanked us off.
(SINGING)
But it wasn't peasure.
[flushing]
And if you'd stop behaving like
a bleeding child for a second.
Veronica.
My entire family is trying to ruin my life.
They think it's all right, 'cause I've got Kev.
But no!
No one finds out you've been getting
away with fucking murder!
We weren't getting--
I don't want to hear anything about it.
Don't tell me anything.
First, it's wearing me knickers to work.
And now it's this.
You're as bad as me fucking dad.
If you're gay, Kev, just admit it.
[sobbing]
[car alarm]
[chatter]
[music playing]
Look at you.
MAN: Who's that?
Frank!
What are you drinking?
What the fucks going on?
Where did all these lot come from?
Folk flock to folk, Frank.
Call it community.
Call it fucking joke?
Get 'em out, you thick Yorkshire dick.
They've got nowhere to go.
What about a home?
There's-- You brought the fucking dad?
They'll all pay you.
Pound a count.
And as much free weed as we can smoke.
All the benefits of the pub, without leaving your own home.
[music playing]
Hey, where's the twins?
Now don't worry, 'cause Sally's looking after them.
And she love kids.
All right?
That's the fucking bloke.
Oh.
[chattering]
Right, now where can we put that frozen shit?
Where's Steve?
Had to wade off early.
Had to be somewhere.
I saw you sneaking out of Debbie's room this morning.
You're not splitting apart, are you?
Ian, you still got that spare cash and carry card?
I know Sheila's mom.
Hey, oh fuck no.
Is that kettle on?
Well what do you need it for?
Oh.
Because your so-called mate won't give us a discount.
Whatever happened to rewarding loyalty, eh?
I've lent it to Veronica.
Well, run and get it, will ya?
And ask Kev if he's still got that trailer?
Do it your fucking self!
[tapping]
Frank says, have you still got that cash and carry card?
Veronica, look, just tell me where it is and I'll get it.
[children playing]
Hi.
You all right?
Something I need you to see.
Hey, look-- get in.
Aw, Jesus Frank.
You stay at this place?
[phone ringing]
Tommy don't-- no.
Hello's Tommy's bar, how I can help you?
No, no, no, no.
Yeah, just hand on a--
Sheila, a tad upset.
Wrong num-- wrong number.
Sorry, no Frank's not here.
This is Tommy's Bar, Faliraki.
She's gonna buy that, isn't she?
[dial tone]
[baby cooing]
Fuck's the other one?
Tommy, what happened to the other one?
Right.
The last I saw, Sally had him.
What, Psycho Sally?
[music playing]
Jesus.
Is your Sally in? - Stewart.
Stewart.
That fucking nancy boy.
Try the nancy house on nancy street.
[music playing]
Oh, Brendan.
You're looking lovely.
You got to help us.
Have you seen psycho Sally?
Not recently.
But I heard he was shacked up with Lisa.
Who the fucking hell is little Lisa?
Are you from council?
Do we look like we're from the fucking council?
Sally-- where fuck's Sally?
Sally.
Where is the twisted, fucking weirdo?
Taking the baby out.
Yeah, my fucking baby.
Down, Frank.
Nothing but fucking weirdos!
He's got womb envy.
He doesn't mean any harm.
There she is.
There's Kerry Anne.
The short one.
And Joe picks her up every day after work.
They collect Miranda on the way home and it's like clockwork.
She's lovely.
Really lovely.
They're a real family, Fiona.
They have everything they want.
They don't need me.
So you coming to meet her?
No.
No, I'll wait here.
[birds chirping]
[music playing]
Mr. Fitch, council.
Comes to judge your garden.
All right, yeah, come in.
When do we find out if we won.
No idea.
Ring the Council.
You are the council.
I just tick boxes.
[scary music]
Oh, a fellow's here from the council.
Coming to judge the garden.
Do you want to ask him any questions?
Fine, OK.
Oh, make yourself at home.
All right?
(PANTING) My tablets.
What?
Oh shit.
Wait there.
Be all right.
Veronica?
Veronica!
Oh Veronica, for fucks sake!
- What's going on? - Him.
Dying. Here, ambulance.
Where's Veronica?
Not talking, guess why?
Oh, Veronica, for God's sake!
Hello, ambulance--
All right, [inaudible] recovery position,
up on your side.
No. Sit him up.
- He's having a heart attack! - I can see that.
Sit him up. Keep the blood circulating.
Come on, mate.
You're all right.
Are you all right?
Can you understand what I'm saying?
Have we called an ambulance?
It's on it's way.
OK, OK.
He's got tablets.
Get him some water.
And bring a cold funnel.
And see if you can find any aspirin.
It was just a wank, you know, Veronica.
Functional, there was nothing perverse about it.
Marty--
You were trying for babies.
He thought he was impotent, so he went to get tested,
but he couldn't do it with the jazz mags.
Wanking!
Shall we talk about this later?
Probably scared in case he couldn't be a father.
Needed a helping hand.
Did it for you, Veronica.
He was looking at a picture of you the whole all time
Swear to God, it's the truth.
[inaudible]
Help me.
Right.
How many of these are we taking?
Little Nigel.
Little baby Nigel with some pervert.
Shall we call the police to see if they can find him?
Here we go.
Oh Jesus.
What's going on?
Frank Gallagher.
More's the pity.
Picked up your babysitter.
Oh!
Pissed on a park bench.
She asked us to return him.
Often leave your kids with alcoholic transvestites, Frank?
Three strikes and you're out.
Understand?
Party's over.
Heeheeheehee, got ya.
Got ya, baby, got ya.
[cheering]
Together again.
Hey, look at that.
Hey, sorted, sorted.
Good morning
[interposing voices]
Frank?
Frank.
Mother of Christ.
Surprise!
[crying] - Hey, no.
It's all right.
If you're not in the mood, I can always--
Did you not get my message?
No, what message?
My mom's dead.
[crying]
(LAUGHING) Hey--
So, you'll put in a good word for us
about the garden competition.
Whole thing was a sham. It was a free clean-up.
[inaudible]
[music playing]
[heavy breathing]
[laughter]
It's working.
So?
So-- It was just before our Kelly moved to Paphos.
And this asshole who he was going out with
kept calling me dry balls.
Because he'd had four kids to four different women.
And couldn't I hadn't slipped one past the goalie.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well cause I was embarrassed.
And I just wanted to give you a kid.
I know.
But why did you have to pick our bleeding Marty?
And how did him do any help?
He's not even good looking.
Good looking?
He's a bloke for fuck's sake.
Anyway, look, I'd there at me hand.
I needed some help.
And I'm looking at you the whole time.
Oh, Kev.
This Kev, us, is the one thing in my life
that's got absolutely nothing to do with bleeding family.
From now on, can we keep it that way?
[voice clearing]
Veronica, I really need a friend.
Come on.
It's not that he lied.
I can understand why he might have wanted to bury it.
But when I saw him holding her--
There's fathers up and down the country
fighting through the courts because he
can't get access to their kids.
How can he not want to be part of her life?
He goes around like nothing can faze him, tough, confident,
answer for everything.
Now I realize that comes at a price.
There's no way around it, Fiona.
We never really know them.
We think we do.
Think there's nothing that can surprise us.
And they get wanked off by your brother.
[laughter]
I'm sorry for lumbering you with my mom and Marry.
I just can't live it with, Fiona.
She makes me feel like I'm 7 again.
Why don't we keep him?
I can't come back here.
You'll end up murdering each other.
But you don't want him.
We'll cope.
One condition.
Pay their way-- rent, bills.
Then we know where we stand.
Thank you.
Oh.
Aw.
You two OK?
Yeah
We behaved like right idiots, haven't we?
Normal service shall be resumed.
[cheering]
It's good to do this in a way.
Takes your mind off the grief.
[crying]
Hey, no, come on.
Come on, love.
Come on, I mean think about them two.
And little Nigel, little Delia.
I mean, it's like the great cycle of life and death,
isn't it?
Yeah.
[crying]
We're your family now, aren't we?
[music playing]
It's time I was--
getting on.
[clatter]
[interposing voices]
Hey, Lip.
Can you order some chicken and black bean soup?
[clatter]
Chinese.
Juice anybody?
Yeah, can I have some juice.
I'm all right.
Yeah, actually--
[chatter]
My whole life feels like all I've ever had
is just people letting me down.
Fiona, please--
Let me finish.
You say you love me.
And you want us to be together.
I do.
All I want is someone I can trust.
Someone I can rely on.
All the rest, Steve, is just words.
[music playing]
[tapping]
[birds chirping]
So that's a yes, then?
I will not let you down.
[music playing]
FIONA GALLAGHER: That day, my mom's adage came back to me.
When I look behind Steve's eyes, all I saw was bloke.
I, Steve McBride, do take thee, Fiona Gallagher,
to be my lawful, wedded wife.
- Congratulations, mate. - Yeah.
Bastard!
Well you're not gay, are you?
No.
Wow.
Stick a bonnet on that and it will look like a microphone.
It's a happy day.
Starting a brand new line for Marty and Steve.
Steve-o.
Bad dog.
I'm not getting married so I can babysit you
lot for the rest of my life.
Upstairs.
- Ew, this has got me get. - Fuck's sake.
You can tell he knows.
I'm sick of that creep getting everything his own way.
[music playing]
Touch me.
How can it be?
Leave me.
The sun always shines on TV.
Hold me.
Close to your heart.
[laughter]
Give all your love to me.