1 00:00:04,667 --> 00:00:07,167 Look at me, right? 2 00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:09,033 And look at the Queen. 3 00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:11,600 I was never a fan, until it occurred to me, how 4 00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,400 much me and Mom have in common. 5 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,133 Bringing up kiddies you can't remember the names of. 6 00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,067 I know she's not a single parent, 7 00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:19,533 but she might as well be. 8 00:00:19,633 --> 00:00:22,467 Plus, the pair of us, we stick to our guns, 9 00:00:22,567 --> 00:00:26,233 her literally sometimes, and flagshipped a dying breed. 10 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,700 Admired and despised equally. 11 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,300 Not for never lifting a finger. 12 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,633 No, for setting examples through extremity. 13 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:36,633 And whether you're a big wig on her end or a big wig on mine. 14 00:00:36,733 --> 00:00:38,933 You stick All your dickheads in the middle to deal with. 15 00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:41,000 Snip-snip-snipping at your benefit. 16 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,967 I mean, she can't not be looking at me 17 00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:45,833 and thinking what is your secret, Frank? 18 00:00:45,933 --> 00:00:48,233 I got shot of my kids yonks backs. 19 00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:50,367 Whereas she's yet to see the back of a single one. 20 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,400 Fine. 21 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,200 I've had to get out of bed on occasion 22 00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:55,700 to make ends meet, whereas she-- she's done 23 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,133 the whole thing from a chair. 24 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:00,833 Oh, and a drink for the lady. 25 00:01:00,933 --> 00:01:02,200 Oh, sure, there's perks. 26 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:03,467 But look at her lot. 27 00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:06,167 Brian May prancing about on her roof. 28 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,400 Now, look at my lot. 29 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:11,667 We know how to throw a proper fucking party. 30 00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:18,100 [applause] 31 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,267 [MUSIC - CONWAY TWITTY, "IT'S ONLY MAKE BELIEVE"] 32 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,067 PATREESHA (VOICEOVER): It's not easy having talent. 33 00:01:28,167 --> 00:01:31,100 I don't mean some dolly bird dance away on the telly 34 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,267 with a bleeding border collie. 35 00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:36,633 I mean real, proper talent. 36 00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:43,400 Talent alone's not enough. 37 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:47,500 It's what you do with it that counts. 38 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,667 Take my Mikey Wilson. 39 00:01:49,767 --> 00:01:52,700 For a while, he was Chatsworth's next big thing. 40 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,833 Oldham, City, even Old Whiskey Nose at United 41 00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:58,200 was said to be impressed. 42 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,467 But less impressed by the arrest for drink-driving 43 00:02:05,567 --> 00:02:07,500 and the gram of coke in the glove box. 44 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,467 Goodbye theater of dreams. 45 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:24,800 [screaming] 46 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:28,300 Or then, there's Gillian Cassidy, 47 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,733 these days' own Meryl Streep. 48 00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:32,667 You might remember her from Corrie. 49 00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:40,167 She played 'Girl That Dave Smile at in the Rovers' back in 2009. 50 00:02:40,267 --> 00:02:44,233 Sadly, Hollywood didn't come knocking. 51 00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:47,200 Still gets to put those acting talents to good use though. 52 00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:59,633 And then, there's me. 53 00:02:59,733 --> 00:03:03,600 Tony Wilson said I had something. 54 00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,300 God bless him. 55 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:09,033 Everyone said it was going to happen. 56 00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:12,700 Everybody was wrong. 57 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,900 It's not too late though. 58 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,300 But that clock's a-ticking. 59 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,200 Just need somebody to notice me, because if nobody 60 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:27,400 does, if nobody cares, what's the point? 61 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:28,133 What? 62 00:03:28,233 --> 00:03:29,700 I can't hear you. 63 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,267 It's this bloody noise. 64 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,633 Shit. 65 00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,267 A fucking jazz club? 66 00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:50,233 Can we at least pretend we're sophisticated? 67 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:52,067 You didn't mind the jockey. 68 00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,100 This isn't the Jockey. 69 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,767 I thought that was just a line for the fellas. 70 00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:56,833 I didn't realize we were actually 71 00:03:56,933 --> 00:03:58,933 going to a fucking jazz club. 72 00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:02,400 She's just not wanting to show herself up in front of her man. 73 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,500 He's married. 74 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:04,567 I'm married. 75 00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:06,600 He's just helping us with our singing. 76 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:08,000 Well, Bernard's not really-- 77 00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:08,900 What? 78 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,867 Around much. 79 00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:13,633 Is that him? 80 00:04:13,733 --> 00:04:14,667 Oh, ass like a peach. 81 00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:15,567 No. 82 00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:21,133 He's that one there. 83 00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:22,700 Oh, nice one. 84 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,267 Yeah. 85 00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:25,100 Whoo. 86 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,667 Get her in there. 87 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,033 Can we at least try and pretend 88 00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:30,600 that we're sophisticated? 89 00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:47,467 Hey. 90 00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:48,367 [inaudible] 91 00:04:48,467 --> 00:04:49,167 You all right? 92 00:04:49,267 --> 00:04:50,500 Best behavior, all of you. 93 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,267 I'm warning you. 94 00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:54,667 Louis, these are my friends. 95 00:04:54,767 --> 00:04:55,767 This is Louis. 96 00:04:55,867 --> 00:04:57,033 You were very good. 97 00:04:57,133 --> 00:04:59,900 Yeah, up there blowing on you big trombone. 98 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,000 Trumpet. 99 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,500 And I didn't know you were coming. 100 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,867 If I had, I'd've hauled you up onstage for a song. 101 00:05:04,967 --> 00:05:06,367 I wouldn't want to embarrass myself. 102 00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:08,800 She's very shy and retiring. 103 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,233 Yeah, we have these karaoke nights 104 00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:13,733 and we practically have to force her to do a number. 105 00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:17,400 Well, with a bit of luck, the days of karaoke might be over. 106 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,367 We're still batting things back and forth, 107 00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:22,933 but I've spoken to my producer friend in Baton Rouge. 108 00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:23,933 I think we're in for a visit. 109 00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,200 No way. 110 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:28,800 So our Patreesha is gonna be a star then? 111 00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:32,133 Being honest, a big singer with hit 112 00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:35,233 albums and sold out tours, maybe not. 113 00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:40,500 But a real singer with a real career. 114 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,067 I think with a bit of luck and effort, yeah, 115 00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:47,567 that could happen. 116 00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:51,300 I will drink to that. 117 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,267 To Pat. 118 00:05:52,367 --> 00:05:53,233 To Pat. 119 00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:59,100 Hey, someone's in trouble. 120 00:06:04,867 --> 00:06:07,233 So what's happening now? 121 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,567 Right. 122 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:12,533 I'm going to look into a few hotels, draw up a schedule, 123 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:15,200 and obviously, we're gonna have to talk 124 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,567 about the financial side of things. 125 00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:20,700 I meant now now. 126 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:27,600 Sorry. 127 00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:30,767 No, it's my fault. Look, it's obvious that I'm 128 00:06:30,867 --> 00:06:33,500 very, very fond of you-- 129 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,633 I know. 130 00:06:34,733 --> 00:06:36,600 You're married. 131 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,000 My wife spends most of her time away. 132 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,100 I mean, we're further apart than strangers. 133 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,467 It's barely a marriage at all. 134 00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:45,833 No, no, no. 135 00:06:45,933 --> 00:06:49,167 This is about you, Pat. 136 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:51,667 It's your big chance, kid. 137 00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:57,567 And I don't want to screw things up by mixing business with-- 138 00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:04,667 still, as the expression goes, what happens in Baton Rouge. 139 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,467 We've got enough mouths to feed without involving 140 00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:17,300 the feline world. 141 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,067 But Princess has got no home. 142 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:21,067 Dad, please. 143 00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:23,033 Lesson in life, kiddo. 144 00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:25,000 Never rely on the kindness of strangers. 145 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,233 Plus, Princess has got a penis. 146 00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,167 So technically, if he's gonna be a royal, 147 00:07:29,267 --> 00:07:32,000 he's a prince, or a duke at least. 148 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,033 What are you doing? 149 00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:43,033 Nothing. 150 00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:44,600 Oh, yeah? 151 00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:45,967 I need them for school. 152 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,367 All the lads are doing it. 153 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,833 Right you get tatters deep in some woman. 154 00:07:49,933 --> 00:07:51,033 Then, you bring her panties and then 155 00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:52,300 everyone has a sniff of them. 156 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,367 Why don't you just nick one of your Mom's? 157 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:57,900 You are sick. 158 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,667 And Don't tell my mom either. 159 00:08:06,367 --> 00:08:07,800 Fuck are you playing at? 160 00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:10,800 I was just returning you property. 161 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,700 It's a funny story actually. 162 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:13,800 Put my pants down. 163 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,667 Next month? 164 00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:25,133 Those tickets were all booked. 165 00:08:25,233 --> 00:08:27,033 I've never been to America. 166 00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:29,333 Louis goes all the time. 167 00:08:29,433 --> 00:08:31,667 God, it's really happening, isn't it? 168 00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:33,967 Just don't forget us little people when you're swanning 169 00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:35,233 around in your private jet. 170 00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:37,933 Not going to be like that. 171 00:08:38,033 --> 00:08:40,433 That's my 18th sorted. 172 00:08:40,533 --> 00:08:42,367 Stev said I can have it at his. AVRIL: Stev? 173 00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:43,967 Do you think his parents are fine with him 174 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,267 throwing some big party? 175 00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:46,667 No, he doesn't live with his parents. 176 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:47,600 He squats. 177 00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:53,000 Let's take this through to the bedroom. 178 00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:01,100 Do you know what would be even better? 179 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,067 Big party at the Jockey. 180 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,333 No, I'd rather have a car. 181 00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:06,467 It would impress all your friends. 182 00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,900 18 years old, already a regular in a pub. 183 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,133 Everybody knows your name. 184 00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:11,400 Dead impressive that. 185 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,433 We could have champagne, free bar. 186 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:15,933 Just leave it with us, love, within budget. 187 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,267 [doorbell] 188 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:18,033 Shit. 189 00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:19,133 That's Louis. 190 00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:20,167 I've not finished put me face on. 191 00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:21,767 Just about the career then? 192 00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:24,667 Shut it. 193 00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:29,900 [music - "makin' whoopee"] 194 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:36,700 (SINGING) Another bride, another June, 195 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:51,000 another sunny honeymoon, another season, another reason 196 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,000 for making whoopee. 197 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:07,633 A lot of shoes, a lot of rice, the groom is nervous. 198 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:11,267 He answers twice. 199 00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:22,267 It's really killing that he's so willing to make whoopee. 200 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:32,900 How have you remained a secret all his time, Pat? 201 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,633 That was a little bit off in the chorus. 202 00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:37,000 Never be afraid to aim for notes 203 00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:38,067 that are out of your range. 204 00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:40,133 They're words to live by. 205 00:10:40,233 --> 00:10:41,067 Do you think I could-- 206 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,167 Just that way. 207 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,200 I was totally flat, wasn't I? 208 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,167 You're going places, our kid. 209 00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:04,967 You're barred. 210 00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:06,033 What? 211 00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,167 Oh, that. 212 00:11:10,267 --> 00:11:11,433 Minor misunderstanding. 213 00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:13,833 You stole my mom's knickers off the line. 214 00:11:13,933 --> 00:11:14,867 It's pretty major in my book. 215 00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,500 And you've not apologized yet. 216 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,867 Yes. 217 00:11:17,967 --> 00:11:20,500 Well, of course, in the shadowy world of underwear thieves, 218 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,600 your mother unmentionables have long 219 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,300 been considered the holy grail. 220 00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:30,400 JAMIE: B-A-Double R-E-D. Barred. 221 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:58,433 [music - "all of me] 222 00:11:58,533 --> 00:12:04,333 (SINGING) All of me, why not take all of me? 223 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:07,867 Can't you see, I'm no good without you? 224 00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:08,800 Come on. 225 00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:09,800 Come on, Pat. 226 00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:10,800 Come on. 227 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:12,367 (SINGING) I wanna lose them. 228 00:12:12,467 --> 00:12:13,733 [heart beating] 229 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,500 Louis. 230 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,867 Jesus. 231 00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:29,867 Shit. 232 00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:30,833 Call an ambulance. 233 00:12:30,933 --> 00:12:32,400 Fuck. My phone. 234 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,433 Where's yours? 235 00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:34,367 PATREESHA: Fuck. 236 00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:35,333 Fuck. 237 00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:37,267 Fuck. 238 00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,633 OK. 239 00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:40,000 Louis. 240 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,700 What is it? 241 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,000 Pills. 242 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:44,367 You've got pills in there. 243 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,633 Louis. 244 00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:51,100 No. 245 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,700 No, come on, love. Stay out of the light. 246 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:54,600 Pat. 247 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:55,833 Come on. 248 00:12:55,933 --> 00:12:56,767 Pat. 249 00:13:01,233 --> 00:13:02,667 Bloody hell. 250 00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,467 It's got to be dodgy. 251 00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:12,600 Nobody carries this much cash around them. 252 00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:16,267 He's dead. 253 00:13:16,367 --> 00:13:20,267 Look, I know you cared about him, a lot. 254 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,967 Just died, right here in my living room. 255 00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,000 Pat, what are we gonna do about the money? 256 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,600 Why not take his shoes while you're at it? 257 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:30,533 My get a couple quid from down the market. 258 00:13:30,633 --> 00:13:32,267 I'm thinking about you. 259 00:13:32,367 --> 00:13:36,000 Baton Rouge, America, producer. 260 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,300 All that takes money. 261 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,700 [doorbell] 262 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:40,700 PARAMEDICS: Hello. 263 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:41,667 It's the paramedics. 264 00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:43,233 Can you open the door please? 265 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,467 Stand back, please. 266 00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,433 Is he breathing? 267 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,267 Airway's clear, but he's nonresponsive. 268 00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:06,200 No output. 269 00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:11,300 I have just been banned from the Jockey. 270 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,600 And you want to know why? 271 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,833 They're saying that I nicked Mimi McGuire's 272 00:14:14,933 --> 00:14:18,333 underwear for the purposes of-- 273 00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:20,300 of personal gratification. 274 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:21,967 I'm not going to judge you, Frank. 275 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:24,700 Because it wasn't me. 276 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:29,333 It-- tell her. 277 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,700 Tell her. 278 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,033 Tell her that you stole the witch's underwear so you could 279 00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:33,400 take it to school and sniff it. 280 00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:37,267 I don't know what he's talking about. 281 00:14:37,367 --> 00:14:38,100 Jesus. 282 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,333 That's low, Frank, even for you. 283 00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:40,067 Me? 284 00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:41,200 I'm the innocent party. 285 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:51,767 Hello? 286 00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:52,733 [shower running] 287 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,200 It's only me. 288 00:14:55,300 --> 00:15:00,167 Just your friendly neighborhood person. 289 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:03,900 Just-- I'm just here to discuss the misunderstanding. 290 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,400 [shower stops] 291 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:07,700 Hello? 292 00:15:18,633 --> 00:15:19,433 Oh. 293 00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:20,433 Fucking hell. 294 00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:33,600 So also a funny story. 295 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,533 You fucking pervert. 296 00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:47,467 The lock's been forced. 297 00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:51,300 Wait. 298 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,800 Is that what your look meant? 299 00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,433 Because my look was all, let's get out of here right now. 300 00:15:54,533 --> 00:15:56,100 We'll be in and out in five minutes. 301 00:16:09,633 --> 00:16:11,233 You sure he's got a wife? 302 00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:12,267 Of course he's got a wife. 303 00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:13,600 Why would he've lied about that? 304 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,100 I don't know. 305 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,967 Just seems a bit bachelor-esque. 306 00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:20,167 Magic. 307 00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:22,567 Let's break in and critique the decor. 308 00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:23,600 Fine. 309 00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:26,267 Just see if he's got any contact list, 310 00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,567 laptop, Rolodex, whatever. 311 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,200 Proper little Ms. Marple, aren't you? 312 00:16:42,433 --> 00:16:46,400 LOUIS: That's the problem with nosing about. 313 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,633 You look hard and long enough, you're bound to turn up 314 00:16:49,733 --> 00:16:51,767 something you wish you hadn't. 315 00:16:51,867 --> 00:16:55,300 So says Mr. Darren Bloody Smith. 316 00:16:55,400 --> 00:17:00,300 LOUIS: Louis works much better as a stage name. 317 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,733 Travel to American all the time, did you? 318 00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:06,700 Doesn't look great, does it? 319 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:07,633 No. 320 00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:15,367 You were special to me, you know? 321 00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:18,800 What is it exactly that you don't trust, Pat? 322 00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:21,100 My intentions? 323 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,067 Or your own talent? 324 00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,767 Any luck? 325 00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:26,700 Yeah. 326 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:27,700 Great. 327 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:28,967 Got all the details. 328 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:31,167 Baton Rouge here you come. 329 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,633 That's my wash on. 330 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,200 I'm gonna put it out later. 331 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,000 You all right, Mom? 332 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,067 Wonderful, love. 333 00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:30,233 [phone ringing] 334 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:41,800 Hello? 335 00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,767 MAN (PHONE): Avril? 336 00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:45,800 No, this is her phone. 337 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:46,967 I'm her sister. 338 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:48,533 MAN (PHONE): Oh, just to let you know 339 00:18:48,633 --> 00:18:50,800 that I've spoken to the owners and we're all set. 340 00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:53,467 So if you can just drop the cash deposit off at the office, 341 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:56,833 we'll get the paperwork signed and the flat's all hers. 342 00:18:56,933 --> 00:18:57,967 Fantastic. 343 00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:58,900 Thanks. 344 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,133 MAN (PHONE): Bye now. 345 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,267 I can't believe she'd do this to me. 346 00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:08,400 LOUIS: Pound signs spinning in her eyes 347 00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:13,867 the moment she saw that money, a chance to get away from you. 348 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:15,867 Mary Mae only visits when she wants to. 349 00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:20,267 And as for Bernard, well, we all know about your husband. 350 00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:32,000 But your sister, that's a knife in the back, 351 00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,167 a wound that runs deep. 352 00:19:34,267 --> 00:19:36,367 Everybody thinks I'm a fucking mug. 353 00:19:41,133 --> 00:19:43,567 I didn't. 354 00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:46,700 I don't know that anymore. 355 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:47,933 I don't know anything. 356 00:19:48,033 --> 00:19:51,867 You deserve that money. 357 00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:53,833 You deserve it for all them bastards that 358 00:19:53,933 --> 00:19:57,167 have used you, cast you aside. 359 00:19:57,267 --> 00:20:02,167 You deserve all of it, every last penny. 360 00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:08,100 This is your time. 361 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:16,600 Oh, ta, kid. 362 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,567 Good to know you're on my side. 363 00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,633 Two quid. 364 00:20:20,733 --> 00:20:23,167 What? Oh. 365 00:20:23,267 --> 00:20:24,800 OK. 366 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:25,900 There you go. 367 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:26,867 Keep the change. 368 00:20:26,967 --> 00:20:28,533 Buy yourself something nice. 369 00:20:28,633 --> 00:20:30,500 Two quid. 370 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,767 You sent away Princess. 371 00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:33,900 Everyone is right. 372 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,100 You're a bad man. 373 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,067 Everyone? Everyone? 374 00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:40,200 We're talking a small, narrow-minded minority here. 375 00:20:53,567 --> 00:20:55,067 Ah, fuck. 376 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:10,200 I came home and they'd got in somehow. 377 00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:11,667 They must've been looking for the money. 378 00:21:11,767 --> 00:21:12,800 Look at this mess. 379 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:14,333 Jesus. 380 00:21:14,433 --> 00:21:17,667 Yeah. 381 00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:20,100 Luckily, I had the money on me. 382 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,700 I don't feel safe anymore. 383 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,000 We need to get out of here. 384 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,067 CHES: It's only for a few days. 385 00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:31,300 It won't be that bad. 386 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,600 MARY MAE: Have you ever lived with my mom? 387 00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:34,600 She's mental. 388 00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:35,867 She's all right. 389 00:21:35,967 --> 00:21:36,900 And I did it for you. 390 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,400 I thought you'd be happy. 391 00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:40,033 Oh, yeah stuck in a pokey little flat with two of them? 392 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,400 Yeah, best news ever. 393 00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:47,167 Who do you think it is that's after the cash? 394 00:21:47,267 --> 00:21:52,433 Don't know, loan sharks, Moss Side drug dealers. 395 00:21:52,533 --> 00:21:57,133 Whoever it is they obviously want their money back. 396 00:21:57,233 --> 00:22:00,133 Maybe we should've never taken the cash in the first place. 397 00:22:00,233 --> 00:22:02,833 It's a bit late for that now. 398 00:22:02,933 --> 00:22:05,767 You never did tell me what you intend to do with your share. 399 00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:09,133 I hadn't really thought about it. 400 00:22:09,233 --> 00:22:12,000 25 grand though. 401 00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:14,967 That'd be enough to, I don't know, 402 00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,400 put down a deposit on a new place. 403 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:20,400 Like I said, hadn't really thought that far ahead. 404 00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,867 When were you going to tell me? 405 00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,633 I mean, am I really that much of a burden 406 00:22:25,733 --> 00:22:28,267 that you'd keep pushing and shoving me off to America, 407 00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:30,667 same time you're plotting away to move 408 00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,167 out without even a word. 409 00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,700 Maybe if you weren't such a fucking victim all the time, 410 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:35,667 I wouldn't have to. 411 00:22:35,767 --> 00:22:37,467 Course, it's all my fault. 412 00:22:37,567 --> 00:22:38,367 No. 413 00:22:38,467 --> 00:22:39,200 No. 414 00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:42,167 Actually, it's everybody else's. 415 00:22:42,267 --> 00:22:45,033 It's Bernard's fault you were blind to the fact 416 00:22:45,133 --> 00:22:46,767 that he's as bent as a curly whirly. 417 00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:49,033 It'll be Louis's fault that your career 418 00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:51,300 will never amount to anything. 419 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,800 And it'll be my fault that you're all on your own 420 00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:55,700 with no one to complain to. 421 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,300 Right. 422 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:02,733 This one is definitely my fault then. 423 00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:04,000 Where you going? 424 00:23:06,533 --> 00:23:07,367 Pat. 425 00:23:10,233 --> 00:23:13,567 This is all you fucking care about. 426 00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:15,767 Mom, what are you doing? 427 00:23:15,867 --> 00:23:16,700 Don't. 428 00:23:20,033 --> 00:23:22,267 Fuck. 429 00:23:22,367 --> 00:23:24,333 Like I said, won't be that bad. 430 00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:33,967 So you stole the money? 431 00:23:34,067 --> 00:23:35,300 No. 432 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,500 We were just holding on to it until-- 433 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:39,400 yeah. 434 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:41,433 We stole it. 435 00:23:41,533 --> 00:23:44,300 Maybe she was trying to protect you, burn the evidence. 436 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,200 No. 437 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:47,367 She's doing what she always does, 438 00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:52,233 making sure the whole fucking world revolves around her. 439 00:23:52,333 --> 00:24:04,767 CHES: She burnt 50,000 pound. 440 00:24:04,867 --> 00:24:05,767 Where's the bag? 441 00:24:05,867 --> 00:24:06,867 She burned it. 442 00:24:06,967 --> 00:24:08,000 For fuck's sake. 443 00:24:22,867 --> 00:24:25,267 LOUIS (VOICEOVER): LOUIS: You deserve that money. 444 00:24:25,367 --> 00:24:28,000 You deserve all of it. 445 00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:30,333 Fucking set me up. 446 00:24:30,433 --> 00:24:31,567 I told you she was mental. 447 00:24:31,667 --> 00:24:33,500 The break in. 448 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:34,900 The danger. 449 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,967 It's all distractions so she can take every penny for herself. 450 00:24:38,067 --> 00:24:40,033 Don't you get it? 451 00:24:40,133 --> 00:24:43,567 I can honestly say I have no idea what's going on. 452 00:24:43,667 --> 00:24:44,733 Wait. 453 00:24:44,833 --> 00:24:46,767 Does this mean that you'll be staying with us 454 00:24:46,867 --> 00:24:48,233 or are you moving out? 455 00:24:48,333 --> 00:24:51,200 Give me one day, Ches, and you won't see me for dust. 456 00:24:59,133 --> 00:25:01,433 Nice car. 457 00:25:01,533 --> 00:25:02,567 Yeah? 458 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:03,700 It's my cousin's. 459 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,500 Looks like I'm having the party at the Jockey. 460 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,600 Sweet. 461 00:25:06,700 --> 00:25:09,667 Just-- just text us the details, yeah? 462 00:25:09,767 --> 00:25:10,833 I don't need to. 463 00:25:10,933 --> 00:25:11,733 You're right here. 464 00:25:15,967 --> 00:25:17,900 What the hell? 465 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:18,933 You asshole. 466 00:25:19,033 --> 00:25:21,967 It's not what it looks like. 467 00:25:22,067 --> 00:25:23,467 It's only a blow job. 468 00:25:23,567 --> 00:25:24,700 She's my cousin. 469 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:25,833 It's not like it counts. 470 00:25:25,933 --> 00:25:28,400 You can shut it an all. 471 00:25:38,233 --> 00:25:40,833 It's Gallagher, isn't it? 472 00:25:40,933 --> 00:25:42,967 Frank Gallagher? 473 00:25:43,067 --> 00:25:44,967 I'm Maurice O'Neill. 474 00:25:45,067 --> 00:25:47,600 I live in the courts, flat 19. 475 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:50,700 Congratulations. 476 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,700 Very good. 477 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,733 No, it's just I heard about your little incident. 478 00:25:55,833 --> 00:25:57,367 Oh, yeah. What are you then? 479 00:25:57,467 --> 00:25:59,300 Some have-a-go hero, pride of Britain? 480 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:00,833 You want make a name for yourself, do you? 481 00:26:00,933 --> 00:26:01,667 Well, go on. Try it. 482 00:26:01,767 --> 00:26:04,533 Quite the opposite. 483 00:26:04,633 --> 00:26:07,133 I think it's disgusting how this place has treated you. 484 00:26:09,733 --> 00:26:14,533 Well, the black beating heart of our big society that is. 485 00:26:14,633 --> 00:26:18,067 Thou shalt judge thy fellow man, dob him in, hound him out. 486 00:26:18,167 --> 00:26:20,233 Divided we shall stand. 487 00:26:20,333 --> 00:26:22,933 Lessons ripped straight from the play books 488 00:26:23,033 --> 00:26:25,200 of the Gestapo and the Stasi. 489 00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:26,967 Couldn't agree more. 490 00:26:27,067 --> 00:26:28,033 It's a fallen world. 491 00:26:30,967 --> 00:26:34,200 Would you like a drink, Mr. Gallagher? 492 00:26:34,300 --> 00:26:38,400 Maybe I should write a book, "Touched by a Filthy Bugger." 493 00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:39,933 Frank didn't actually touch you. 494 00:26:40,033 --> 00:26:42,667 He pinched me fucking knickers, 495 00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:44,067 exposed himself to me. 496 00:26:44,167 --> 00:26:45,167 Right, yeah. 497 00:26:45,267 --> 00:26:47,100 He's a twat, but I've never had him 498 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,500 down for one of them perverts. 499 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,200 He hasn't the energy to wave his fucking dick about. 500 00:26:50,300 --> 00:26:54,400 It's probably a misunderstanding. 501 00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:55,467 Flyers. 502 00:26:55,567 --> 00:26:57,333 I should hand out my flyers, warn people. 503 00:27:05,367 --> 00:27:06,167 Oh. 504 00:27:09,067 --> 00:27:10,500 Hello old friend. 505 00:27:13,967 --> 00:27:15,967 It's been a while. 506 00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:17,267 You busy? 507 00:27:17,367 --> 00:27:18,033 No. 508 00:27:18,133 --> 00:27:20,000 AVRIL: Good. 509 00:27:20,100 --> 00:27:22,167 I need your help. 510 00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:25,133 I want you to kidnap my daughter. 511 00:27:25,233 --> 00:27:26,967 I just want to say something, all right? 512 00:27:27,067 --> 00:27:30,167 This is a bad idea. 513 00:27:30,267 --> 00:27:32,533 Fake kidnappings always backfire. 514 00:27:32,633 --> 00:27:33,933 Let me worry about that. 515 00:27:34,033 --> 00:27:35,333 All right. 516 00:27:35,433 --> 00:27:36,900 I'm just saying, your sister finds out about this 517 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,433 and your relationship is fucked forever. 518 00:27:39,533 --> 00:27:42,367 Even worse, if a nut job finds out about this or the cash 519 00:27:42,467 --> 00:27:43,933 and you've got proper trouble. 520 00:27:44,033 --> 00:27:45,033 You know what the estate's like. 521 00:27:45,133 --> 00:27:46,200 Nobody can keep a fucking secret. 522 00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:48,600 AVRIL: I'm not asking this as a favor. 523 00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:49,967 I'll pay you. 524 00:27:50,067 --> 00:27:51,267 200 quid. 525 00:27:51,367 --> 00:27:54,133 And you can keep your opinions to yourself. 526 00:27:54,233 --> 00:27:57,533 How much is she going for? 527 00:27:57,633 --> 00:27:58,733 50 grand. 528 00:27:58,833 --> 00:28:00,000 Fuck off. 529 00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:01,833 She's not worth that much. 530 00:28:01,933 --> 00:28:05,000 She's worth much more. 531 00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:07,500 I just need her to hang out here for a day, 532 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,633 out of view, and for you to pick up the money when 533 00:28:09,733 --> 00:28:10,933 it comes through. 534 00:28:11,033 --> 00:28:13,167 You see, you're just making this sound really 535 00:28:13,267 --> 00:28:15,467 nice and easy, aren't you? 536 00:28:15,567 --> 00:28:18,767 What you're really talking about here is serious fraud. 537 00:28:18,867 --> 00:28:21,000 And Shane don't get out of bed for less than 500. 538 00:28:21,100 --> 00:28:22,367 Done. 539 00:28:22,467 --> 00:28:23,800 1,000. 540 00:28:23,900 --> 00:28:24,833 What's my cut? 541 00:28:24,933 --> 00:28:25,833 - You get your party. - No. 542 00:28:25,933 --> 00:28:26,767 Fine. 543 00:28:26,867 --> 00:28:27,700 I'll buy you a bloody car. 544 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:34,467 And you, 700, final offer. 545 00:28:34,567 --> 00:28:37,767 I like to think us all as snowflakes. 546 00:28:37,867 --> 00:28:43,700 Each is special and unique, mysterious in our own ways. 547 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,500 Exactly. 548 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,800 Well, that's not what they want is it? 549 00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:50,833 Society full of obedient little robots, 550 00:28:50,933 --> 00:28:54,400 punching the time clock, saluting the CCTV as they pass. 551 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:58,500 The main thing is, we accept all colors under the rainbow. 552 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,867 As I've often said, it's the differences that unites us. 553 00:29:01,967 --> 00:29:06,500 But you'll be able to share that with the others soon. 554 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,233 Right, the other whats? 555 00:29:09,333 --> 00:29:14,133 Of our little brotherhood, men of certain tastes. 556 00:29:14,233 --> 00:29:17,533 Oh, I'm not really a brotherhood sort of person, 557 00:29:17,633 --> 00:29:19,233 more of a lone wolf. 558 00:29:19,333 --> 00:29:23,133 Because society has made you that. 559 00:29:23,233 --> 00:29:26,133 Oh, it took me some time to be strong and finally admit 560 00:29:26,233 --> 00:29:30,033 that, hey, I am sexually aroused by anthropomorphic animal 561 00:29:30,133 --> 00:29:31,000 characters. 562 00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:32,267 Huh? 563 00:29:32,367 --> 00:29:34,633 I think it was Soo from "The Sooty Show" 564 00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:36,600 that first caused the quiver. 565 00:29:36,700 --> 00:29:38,567 Do you remember her? 566 00:29:38,667 --> 00:29:43,933 Dirty wee panda in that teeny weeny red skirt. 567 00:29:44,033 --> 00:29:47,000 You ever wondered what a panda would look like with breast 568 00:29:47,100 --> 00:29:49,900 implants, Mr. Gallagher? 569 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,133 I'll just take these for the road. 570 00:29:52,233 --> 00:29:53,733 Don't be scared Mr. Gallagher. 571 00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:54,833 You're amongst friends now. 572 00:29:54,933 --> 00:29:56,100 You're no fucking friend of mine. 573 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:57,433 Where are you gonna run, Mr. Gallagher? 574 00:29:57,533 --> 00:30:00,067 There's nowhere left for you to go. 575 00:30:00,167 --> 00:30:03,600 We're all you've got. 576 00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:06,567 AVRIL: You were right. 577 00:30:06,667 --> 00:30:08,533 We should never have taken that money. 578 00:30:11,367 --> 00:30:17,500 My own daughter, Pat, my own fucking daughter. 579 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:18,400 What are we gonna do? 580 00:30:21,567 --> 00:30:22,967 We pay the ransom. 581 00:30:23,067 --> 00:30:24,800 With what? 582 00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:26,167 I've got fuck all. 583 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,033 I think we should call the police. 584 00:30:33,700 --> 00:30:36,267 Avs, I-- 585 00:30:36,367 --> 00:30:41,367 I didn't-- I didn't burn the money. 586 00:30:41,467 --> 00:30:47,367 I've still got it, all of it. 587 00:30:47,467 --> 00:30:49,867 No, you did. 588 00:30:49,967 --> 00:30:51,433 I saw you. 589 00:30:51,533 --> 00:30:53,267 No. 590 00:30:53,367 --> 00:30:56,267 I switched it before we even got here. 591 00:30:56,367 --> 00:31:01,833 I just got so screwed up about you leaving. 592 00:31:01,933 --> 00:31:04,767 I'm sorry. 593 00:31:04,867 --> 00:31:09,967 So we can-- 594 00:31:10,067 --> 00:31:12,700 we can pay the ransom? 595 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,367 It's my problem. 596 00:31:15,467 --> 00:31:21,433 I brought Louis, that money, into our lives. 597 00:31:21,533 --> 00:31:23,000 AVRIL: Come here. 598 00:31:45,933 --> 00:31:47,033 What you doing? 599 00:31:47,133 --> 00:31:48,000 Nothing. 600 00:31:48,100 --> 00:31:49,000 Doesn't look like nothing. 601 00:31:49,100 --> 00:31:50,833 I was playing hide and seek. 602 00:31:50,933 --> 00:31:51,900 And you're it. 603 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:52,833 Go on. 604 00:31:52,933 --> 00:31:53,767 Go and hide. 605 00:31:53,867 --> 00:31:55,200 All right, but no peeking. 606 00:32:04,933 --> 00:32:06,400 I told you, piss off-- 607 00:32:12,333 --> 00:32:14,233 PATREESHA: I'm just so, so sorry. 608 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:15,733 AVRIL: Yeah, I know. 609 00:32:15,833 --> 00:32:19,133 No, I mean for trying to stop you having your own life. 610 00:32:19,233 --> 00:32:21,767 I failed everything, career, love. 611 00:32:21,867 --> 00:32:23,833 I just didn't want to admit I'd failed at being a sister 612 00:32:23,933 --> 00:32:26,633 as well, you know? 613 00:32:26,733 --> 00:32:27,933 Is that them? 614 00:32:28,033 --> 00:32:29,433 No. 615 00:32:29,533 --> 00:32:31,133 Over there. 616 00:32:31,233 --> 00:32:33,567 PATREESHA: Fucking hell. 617 00:32:33,667 --> 00:32:34,500 Fucking hell. 618 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:35,433 Money. 619 00:32:47,233 --> 00:32:49,133 If you've done anything to her-- 620 00:32:52,567 --> 00:32:54,833 Mom, I was so scared. 621 00:32:54,933 --> 00:32:56,167 I thought I would never see you again. 622 00:32:56,267 --> 00:32:57,067 Enough of the dramatics. 623 00:32:57,167 --> 00:32:59,267 Tone it down. 624 00:32:59,367 --> 00:33:01,367 I want you to know something. 625 00:33:01,467 --> 00:33:03,533 I will find out who you are. 626 00:33:03,633 --> 00:33:06,133 And I will hurt you for what you've done to my family. 627 00:33:06,233 --> 00:33:07,433 You all right? 628 00:33:07,533 --> 00:33:08,933 Listen, Mimi wants me to make sure everyone's 629 00:33:09,033 --> 00:33:09,833 got one of these, so-- 630 00:33:09,933 --> 00:33:11,333 Billy-- Billy 631 00:33:11,433 --> 00:33:13,367 No, I know she's gone a bit psycho over the whole thing, 632 00:33:13,467 --> 00:33:16,733 but she's the wife, her who must be obeyed? 633 00:33:16,833 --> 00:33:18,167 Here you are, Shane. 634 00:33:18,267 --> 00:33:19,833 I love that bally, mate. 635 00:33:19,933 --> 00:33:21,767 I'm not Shane. 636 00:33:21,867 --> 00:33:23,433 What? You are. 637 00:33:23,533 --> 00:33:24,867 Remember, you wore that last Christmas 638 00:33:24,967 --> 00:33:26,333 at the big snowball fight, the one 639 00:33:26,433 --> 00:33:28,333 where you kept going on about getting frostbite. 640 00:33:28,433 --> 00:33:29,067 I mean, come on. 641 00:33:29,167 --> 00:33:30,367 Seriously? 642 00:33:30,467 --> 00:33:31,800 It wasn't even cold and this guy's like Scott 643 00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:33,800 of the freaking Antarctic. 644 00:33:33,900 --> 00:33:35,333 What the fuck? 645 00:33:35,433 --> 00:33:38,300 Her idea. 646 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,867 You tried to rip me off. 647 00:33:40,967 --> 00:33:44,067 You tried to rip me off first. 648 00:33:44,167 --> 00:33:46,533 Cat fight in 3, 2, 1. 649 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,500 I will kill you. 650 00:33:59,067 --> 00:34:00,033 Come on. 651 00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:06,400 Fucker. 652 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,833 What the fuck? 653 00:34:27,933 --> 00:34:29,033 It's all right. 654 00:34:29,133 --> 00:34:31,200 It's my neighbor, so it doesn't count. 655 00:34:31,300 --> 00:34:32,133 Twat. 656 00:34:36,233 --> 00:34:37,667 Gonna be polite. 657 00:34:37,767 --> 00:34:39,167 Gonna be nice. 658 00:34:39,267 --> 00:34:41,700 Gonna plaster on a fake fucking smile for your daughter's 659 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:43,233 birthday party. 660 00:34:43,333 --> 00:34:46,733 But after that, we split the cash and go our separate ways, 661 00:34:46,833 --> 00:34:47,700 end of. 662 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:48,733 Fine by me. 663 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,000 You're Patreesha, aren't you? 664 00:35:11,100 --> 00:35:12,000 You knew Louis. 665 00:35:12,100 --> 00:35:13,100 He died at your house. 666 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:14,533 What makes you say that? 667 00:35:14,633 --> 00:35:16,367 One of us has a mate in the hospitals, 668 00:35:16,467 --> 00:35:19,967 gave us the details about poor Darren Smith. 669 00:35:20,067 --> 00:35:20,900 Are you family? 670 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:21,933 No. 671 00:35:22,033 --> 00:35:23,067 Far from it. 672 00:35:23,167 --> 00:35:25,167 We're trying to get the money back. 673 00:35:25,267 --> 00:35:26,933 The money he stolen from all of us. 674 00:35:27,033 --> 00:35:29,133 We don't know anything about money. 675 00:35:29,233 --> 00:35:32,667 Louis comes over all caring, pretends 676 00:35:32,767 --> 00:35:34,133 to be married so you feel safe. 677 00:35:34,233 --> 00:35:38,300 Says you're unique, has a producer friend in Baton Rouge, 678 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,667 just need some cash for the plane ticket. 679 00:35:40,767 --> 00:35:42,033 Then, he buggers off. 680 00:35:42,133 --> 00:35:44,100 He's been pulling this scam all over Manchester. 681 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,267 Ladies, I'm sorry you were conned, 682 00:35:47,367 --> 00:35:50,700 but we don't know anything about your cash. 683 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:51,867 What's in the bag? 684 00:35:51,967 --> 00:35:55,067 AVRIL: I think you've made a mistake. 685 00:35:55,167 --> 00:35:59,600 And as you can see, this is a private party. 686 00:35:59,700 --> 00:36:02,667 You don't want to be asked to leave twice. 687 00:36:02,767 --> 00:36:03,567 Seriously. 688 00:36:13,233 --> 00:36:14,233 Didn't ask you for cash, did he? 689 00:36:14,333 --> 00:36:16,167 Course he fucking didn't. 690 00:36:16,267 --> 00:36:17,300 Maybe we should-- 691 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,367 Return the money? I earned this. 692 00:36:20,467 --> 00:36:21,733 This is mine. 693 00:36:21,833 --> 00:36:24,500 Probably full of bullshit anyway. 694 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,567 Surprised you didn't get on with them better. 695 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,667 What do you want to say to Frank? 696 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:40,267 Tam. 697 00:36:40,367 --> 00:36:43,600 Sorry, Mr. Gallagher. 698 00:36:43,700 --> 00:36:44,667 Well, all right. 699 00:36:44,767 --> 00:36:45,900 No harm done. 700 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:47,967 So if you can get you ass out there 701 00:36:48,067 --> 00:36:49,100 and tell the rest of them. 702 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:50,500 No, Frank. 703 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:51,867 I'm a pariah. 704 00:36:51,967 --> 00:36:55,267 I've been banned from the pub, harangued by strangers 705 00:36:55,367 --> 00:36:59,200 and neighbors alike, groomed by weirdos 706 00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:01,067 who like pandas with breasts. 707 00:37:01,167 --> 00:37:02,867 People will get over it. 708 00:37:02,967 --> 00:37:04,500 People will feed on it. 709 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,100 They'll keep it going and going until I'm 710 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:07,333 driven off the estate. 711 00:37:07,433 --> 00:37:10,233 I'm not throwing my son to the wolves. 712 00:37:10,333 --> 00:37:11,367 Maybe if you spoke to Mimi-- 713 00:37:11,467 --> 00:37:12,100 Tried that. 714 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:13,300 It didn't work. 715 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:14,767 Maybe you didn't say the right thing. 716 00:37:14,867 --> 00:37:16,400 I'm the aggrieved party. 717 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:19,367 Why the fuck should I help you and klepto boy here? 718 00:37:19,467 --> 00:37:22,733 I'm the best bloody neighbor you'll ever have. 719 00:37:25,533 --> 00:37:27,500 It's your word against me and Tam. 720 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,800 Who do you think everyone's going to believe? 721 00:37:29,900 --> 00:37:31,067 Really? 722 00:37:31,167 --> 00:37:34,700 Just tell here you did it for love. 723 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:42,267 I'll show you what I found in his locker. 724 00:37:42,367 --> 00:37:45,733 And if you're anything like the others, 725 00:37:45,833 --> 00:37:47,367 you'll probably want this as well. 726 00:38:03,733 --> 00:38:06,000 No need to read on, love. 727 00:38:06,100 --> 00:38:07,700 It's only gonna hurt you. 728 00:38:10,867 --> 00:38:11,667 Very well then. 729 00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:22,400 Patreesha St. Rose, middle-aged, lonely, clearly looking 730 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,633 for somebody to believe in her. 731 00:38:24,733 --> 00:38:29,233 Given the right attention, will most likely be a pushover. 732 00:38:33,300 --> 00:38:35,233 Are you sure you want to hear this? 733 00:38:45,533 --> 00:38:47,300 Avril was right. 734 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:48,933 You got victim written all over you. 735 00:38:49,033 --> 00:38:50,700 You're so self-centered that anyone 736 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:51,967 who spends any time with you just 737 00:38:52,067 --> 00:38:53,667 wants to hurt you or get the fuck away 738 00:38:53,767 --> 00:38:57,267 from you as fast as they can. 739 00:38:57,367 --> 00:39:03,700 Worst thing is you miss me, because you're 740 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:08,800 grateful, pathetically grateful for the crumbs I threw you. 741 00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:10,000 Fuck off. 742 00:39:23,867 --> 00:39:28,600 I stole your underwear, because I 743 00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:31,633 am sexually attracted to you. 744 00:39:31,733 --> 00:39:33,000 - Twat him. - For what? 745 00:39:33,100 --> 00:39:34,100 For what he's just said. 746 00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:35,767 That was a compliment. 747 00:39:35,867 --> 00:39:38,100 I know I don't mean the same to you. 748 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,800 You don't remember the first time we met. 749 00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:42,967 You don't arrange your day so that you 750 00:39:43,067 --> 00:39:45,067 bump into me accidentally. 751 00:39:45,167 --> 00:39:47,200 You don't mourn all that little choices 752 00:39:47,300 --> 00:39:51,933 that we've made that have led us down separate paths, but I do. 753 00:39:52,033 --> 00:39:56,200 I, Vernon Francis Gallagher, am so in love 754 00:39:56,300 --> 00:40:01,833 with you that I had no choice but to steal your underwear 755 00:40:01,933 --> 00:40:04,067 and expose myself to you. 756 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,933 I feel sorry for you, Frank. 757 00:40:11,033 --> 00:40:16,900 You're so messed up in there, but I'll accept your apology. 758 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:20,067 That's very gracious of you. 759 00:40:20,167 --> 00:40:22,167 This good lady is paying for my tab. 760 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:30,033 Go on then, you poor bastard. 761 00:40:30,133 --> 00:40:31,633 We've always been mates. 762 00:40:31,733 --> 00:40:34,033 But now I'm thinking, ain't that the best way 763 00:40:34,133 --> 00:40:35,267 to start off a relationship? 764 00:40:35,367 --> 00:40:36,567 A mate with tits? - Yeah. 765 00:40:36,667 --> 00:40:37,567 Perfect. 766 00:40:37,667 --> 00:40:38,733 You want to slow down there, mate. 767 00:40:38,833 --> 00:40:39,633 What? 768 00:40:39,733 --> 00:40:40,733 She's all over me, man. 769 00:40:40,833 --> 00:40:43,533 I'm hot shit. 770 00:40:43,633 --> 00:40:44,433 Eh. 771 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:52,833 Rule of thumb, teenage girls love bad boys. 772 00:40:52,933 --> 00:40:54,100 Fucking great, isn't it? 773 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:55,333 Don't worry about it, mate. 774 00:40:55,433 --> 00:40:56,600 She'll get sick of him and you'll 775 00:40:56,700 --> 00:40:58,300 be there to pick up the pieces. 776 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,000 Just give it five, six years at least. 777 00:41:05,067 --> 00:41:05,900 Pat-- 778 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,233 Fuck off as well. 779 00:41:13,233 --> 00:41:14,967 What are you doing? 780 00:41:15,067 --> 00:41:16,800 Cheeky cow. 781 00:41:16,900 --> 00:41:19,967 My name is Patreesha. 782 00:41:20,067 --> 00:41:22,933 And I'm a failure. 783 00:41:23,033 --> 00:41:27,433 My husband Bernard likes to fuck other men. 784 00:41:27,533 --> 00:41:31,033 My daughter doesn't ever bother coming around anymore. 785 00:41:31,133 --> 00:41:32,633 Don't blame her. 786 00:41:32,733 --> 00:41:37,333 And my sister just wants to get the hell away from me. 787 00:41:37,433 --> 00:41:41,233 Again, no blame. 788 00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:49,767 But man I loved, Louis, he saw something in me that I didn't 789 00:41:49,867 --> 00:41:54,500 know existed until today. 790 00:41:54,600 --> 00:42:02,300 He saw a sucker, someone so desperate 791 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:08,033 that he could rip me off without breaking sweat. 792 00:42:08,133 --> 00:42:14,900 Well, I ripped him off for 50 fucking grand. 793 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:19,400 So who's the sucker now, you cunt? 794 00:42:19,500 --> 00:42:20,733 Yeah. 795 00:42:20,833 --> 00:42:22,067 That's right. 796 00:42:22,167 --> 00:42:24,433 50 grand. and it's all for me. 797 00:42:24,533 --> 00:42:26,067 I deserve it. 798 00:42:26,167 --> 00:42:29,967 So rot in hell, you conniving bastard. 799 00:42:30,067 --> 00:42:32,167 Get your hands off me. 800 00:42:32,267 --> 00:42:33,733 For fuck's sake. 801 00:42:33,833 --> 00:42:35,600 You want to highlight the fact we've got 50 grand in a place 802 00:42:35,700 --> 00:42:36,533 like this. 803 00:42:36,633 --> 00:42:37,367 Come on. 804 00:42:37,467 --> 00:42:38,600 It's just one big note, is it? 805 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,433 Jesus. 806 00:42:43,533 --> 00:42:45,800 Pat. 807 00:42:45,900 --> 00:42:47,633 You never told me you gave him money. 808 00:42:47,733 --> 00:42:49,433 Like you fucking care. 809 00:42:49,533 --> 00:42:50,500 Of course I care. 810 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,567 You can fuck off with the rest of them. 811 00:43:08,667 --> 00:43:11,833 I'm not having some wing nuts puttings the shits up me. 812 00:43:11,933 --> 00:43:13,033 Go home. 813 00:43:13,133 --> 00:43:14,200 Piss off and take it. 814 00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:15,800 It's what you want. 815 00:43:15,900 --> 00:43:18,833 AVRIL: I'm not leaving you. 816 00:43:18,933 --> 00:43:20,800 Right. 817 00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:21,733 What do you two twats want? 818 00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:22,667 Don't know. 819 00:43:22,767 --> 00:43:24,467 50 grand would do it. 820 00:43:24,567 --> 00:43:25,800 Come on then, take it. 821 00:43:25,900 --> 00:43:27,500 I fucking dare you. 822 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:34,067 You got a problem with them, you got a problem with us. 823 00:43:34,167 --> 00:43:35,800 Who are you? 824 00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:37,167 Fucking neighborhood watch? 825 00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:46,100 Jesus. 826 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:47,700 Where can we take you? 827 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,500 - Just home. - Fuck that. 828 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,633 There's a party. 829 00:43:51,733 --> 00:43:55,667 Look, we might know where the money is. 830 00:43:55,767 --> 00:44:01,433 And we'll probably be able to get it back to you. 831 00:44:01,533 --> 00:44:04,400 Definitely be able to get it back to you. 832 00:44:04,500 --> 00:44:05,500 Fair's fair? 833 00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,633 Are we going to the bloody party, or what? 834 00:44:07,733 --> 00:44:11,200 [MUSIC - CONWAY TWITTY, "IT'S ONLY MAKE BELIEVE"] 835 00:44:20,300 --> 00:44:21,767 PATREESHA (VOICEOVER): The world's full 836 00:44:21,867 --> 00:44:29,633 of frustrated artists, yelling out for someone to notice them, 837 00:44:29,733 --> 00:44:33,233 hoping for that one moment where someone recognizes 838 00:44:33,333 --> 00:44:38,833 their talent, sees something special in them 839 00:44:38,933 --> 00:44:41,533 that nobody's seen before. 840 00:44:41,633 --> 00:44:43,767 you can wait so long that you don't even 841 00:44:43,867 --> 00:44:48,500 notice the good things that are right there in front of you, 842 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,900 folk that maybe can't make you a star, 843 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,433 but they've got your back. 844 00:44:53,533 --> 00:44:56,700 They've seen great things in you all along, 845 00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:58,467 believed in you from the start. 846 00:45:05,733 --> 00:45:10,767 So I'll keep on going, til my last bloody breath. 847 00:45:13,367 --> 00:45:18,567 In the meantime, I'm available for weddings, parties, 848 00:45:18,667 --> 00:45:20,367 bar mitzvahs, you name it. 849 00:45:23,033 --> 00:45:24,800 Just don't forget to pack your ear plugs. 850 00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:47,367 [music playing] 851 00:46:26,300 --> 00:46:28,933 I'm out of turps. 852 00:46:29,033 --> 00:46:30,800 Hurry up then. 853 00:46:30,900 --> 00:46:32,167 I'll be back tomorrow. 854 00:46:32,267 --> 00:46:33,967 I've got homework. Looks better though, doesn't it? 855 00:46:34,067 --> 00:46:34,867 How? 856 00:46:34,967 --> 00:46:36,833 How is that better? 857 00:46:36,933 --> 00:46:37,933 Come here, you. 858 00:46:38,033 --> 00:46:39,267 We're not finished. 859 00:46:39,367 --> 00:46:42,567 Get back here on your hands and knees.