[music playing]
Anyone watching, thinking we know fuck
all about knowing fuck all about owt, needs to watch their back.
Ow.
So you've had your Labour, reclassifying skunk,
sending prices sky high, literally-- literally-- taking
the grass from its own roots.
Now you've got your condemnation,
liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up.
Have we had a national fucking stroke or what?
Is revolution a word, or was it never?
Anybody watching needs to know.
We cope better than average with irony in Chatsworth.
Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester.
And they charge us for water.
I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found.
This green and pleasant land in ancient time--
fucking yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak.
It's not theirs anymore.
This is our England now.
Party!
[cheering]
PATTY: What would it be like to have peace of mind?
Proper calm, where good things lap gently again and again,
like eventide on the banks of a life.
[thunder rumbling]
[music playing]
[birds calling]
Instead of this-- one death, one murder,
hostage-taking, inconvenient truths,
scurrilous lies, deviant sex--
and it's not even Wednesday.
What a week.
That's excellent.
Cheers.
Just gonna go to the bank, yeah?
That's all right.
I'll do it later, after I've been to your mum's.
You have to allow me something.
I will, in time. It was years.
I didn't even know the combination to the safe,
let alone how much money we had or what accounts.
I mean, you were all, it's better that you don't know.
Well, it's the same now, except I'm the one that knows.
Don't worry about it.
It's not easy.
Think about it like the remote control for the telly.
Learn to let go.
I've hardly slept.
I'm not surprised, what a fuck up.
That's a big help.
Patricia Finola?
Fuck off, Finola.
She's a trainee assistant pharmacist,
and she's diagnosing people.
What next, get the clinician to do the heart transplants?
MIMI: She's trying to be helpful.
You know what she's like, little miss point to prove.
She meant well.
Well, this doesn't say she's terminal.
You've got to get a second opinion.
Or a first.
You are so fucked.
You say that again, and I'll fucking hit you.
The problem we have is that she
thinks her bloods are clear.
Somebody has to tell the woman she's dying.
I can't.
No way, fuck off.
She won't take it off any of us youngins.
She'll think we're taking the piss.
What was it she called you, a yappy terrier
in lipstick and a Wonderbra?
Something like that.
An undersexed petty criminal's moll
who really ought to wax more often if she wants to get
away with skirts that short.
Patty never said that.
Oh, no, that was me.
And referring to yourselves as the young ones
is stretching it a bit.
The pair of you could be grandmothers around here.
Have fun with the insults, Frank.
The woman is dying.
We need your help.
What's in it for me?
[coughing]
Any Kola Nuts?
Kola Nuts?
I don't know.
I had chin-chin in there as well.
I ate them last night, after tea.
Let me know if you touch my stuff, all right?
Are you sure you want to do this?
You keep stuff like this for sentimental value,
to hold onto a memory.
I want to make new memories with you, baby.
It'll take some time, but you don't have to stay.
Mint, there's a killer tourney on at the pub.
- Do you ever do any work? - Well, why would I?
I've got you.
It's our first anniversary.
Me and Billy are going to renew our vows, recommit.
I feel it's the right time to get shot of the past.
I think it matters to you more than it does to him.
[emergency sirens]
What are you doing?
Have you seen this?
It's a flower.
It's a fucking orchid.
How does an orchid flourish in a concrete shithole like this?
No.
Aw, look at you, speechless.
You're welcome.
This was growing out the back.
Never mind that weed.
Come and have a gander at these.
My dad.
Check me, looking up at him, like my hero.
I've never seen these.
Keep them.
Tragic waste, your father, could have been anything, that lad,
but he threw it all away.
He was a weak person, you know.
Every family has one.
He was ours.
I don't think that's fair.
You weren't born.
You weren't there.
He had every opportunity in life, our Kenny,
but he was weak as that fucking weed.
Oh.
[chuckling]
Every house in the fecking street is getting one.
I am fed up cleaning dog dirt from my wheels.
[dog barking]
You know, in Holland it is considered
a breach of human rights to leave
dog shit on the public highway, civilized country.
And I can't understand why they acquiesced to the Nazis, yeah,
the Dutch.
Why fight when you have no chance of winning?
You're dying.
[distant siren]
The blood tests and all that bollocks, it's real.
I know that.
I'm no fool.
I felt it in me a long while.
The only question was when.
Well, why didn't you go and see a doctor, you daft,
old bin?
You've got God's own pharmacist next door,
feeling personally responsible.
Why would that woman matter to me?
This is the best use of the time you've got left, is it,
dog shit?
Well, what would you have me do,
sit here and consider my imminent death,
or consider my many faults and failings?
Physically, things already have begun to get more difficult.
Yeah, well, you know, if there's anything we can do,
more comfortable, and all that.
I'm not good with colostomies, though.
There is only one final request I would make.
I would like to see Ireland one last time.
Having detested the place her whole life,
she now wants to return and kiss the soil.
Well, I would dip into my savings, you know,
but they are conspicuous in the sense
that they don't fucking exist.
What if something happened to her over there?
We'd need to pay to repatriate the body.
JAMIE: Not like she's family.
We really are strapped.
Oh, a guilty conscience only stretches so far, it seems.
[scoff]
No, not this boy, not anymore.
I'm financing Marty at the moment, Frank.
50 quid.
That's not going to get you to Ireland.
It's all I'll need.
All right, get your hat and coat.
We're leaving in 20 minutes.
I haven't packed.
You won't need to, and bring your bus pass.
Where are you going?
To get drugs.
I will not go to Holyhead.
I fecking hate the Welsh.
Jesus Christ, I nearly filled my thong.
You all right?
Karen?
What do I do, G?
A woman in my situation, what do I do?
Look.
Keep your head, please.
For what it's worth, it was a mistake.
Yeah, it was.
CALUM: This is getting old, you know.
Flirty, hard to get, flirty, hard to get--
too high maintenance.
What's going on?
One time, I had sex with him one time.
A couple of months ago, we were both drunk.
It was just a stupid flirtation.
I need to put a lid on it.
I will.
Me and your dad are a bit lost.
He doesn't know anything about this.
Please, don't say anything.
You're going to lose him.
Humiliating, traveling with a whole bunch of beggars.
Just because they travel by bus doesn't make them beggars,
you miserable fucking crone.
So the fact that I don't like the stench of urine
makes me a snob?
I mean, why have you brought me to
this godforsaken, dreary hole.
Shut up and pay attention--
to the left, Birkenhead, to the right, the,
you know, Three Legs, Isle of Man.
Don't look back.
It's the House of Scouse.
Steal your eyeballs if you look directly at them.
But there, straight ahead as the crow flies,
Ireland, as I live and breathe.
Something I could never work out about your dad.
Honestly, don't bother.
I thought I locked the door.
Always running away, from Liverpool
to London to here, to Jockland, Australia, New Zealand.
Yeah, fresh starts, trying to do the best by his family.
You are aware of the concept of privacy?
Couldn't flee himself, though, could he?
Couldn't shake his own inadequacies everywhere
he went.
He just needed a break.
Broke our hearts, that's for sure.
Addiction is an illness.
It's indulgence gone too far, then boo-hoo-hoo when the time
comes to pay the price.
Do you mind?
I'd like to get out now.
Go ahead.
What?
See, this is the legacy from your dad.
What is?
This insecurity about your looks,
you might be an ugly duckling, but you'll blossom.
Mark me.
It might not be soon, but it will come.
[sigh]
[music playing]
Shall we go somewhere else?
No, here's good.
I was in a bad place.
It never should have happened.
I'm sorry, truly.
Laugh
It's not so much fucking my man, 'cause men are stupid.
But my little boy gets to see Mummy and Daddy
under different roofs because some slapper
dangled her ass in his face.
I'd have never split up your family.
Why, because Jamie didn't matter to you?
That's even more insulting.
I cared about him.
But?
There's someone else who matters very much.
It's complicated.
Bollocks.
Why would I lie?
For sympathy, you scheming cow,
you're like the star of your own little tragedy, Gloria.
You always have been.
I'm sitting here, trying to think of the single most
perfect moment of my life.
There's something more perfect than a bag of chips
by the seaside?
Was it a moment with my daddy?
Was it a lover, or a child, or a beautiful place,
or a wonderful evening?
We used to measure enjoyment by what you couldn't remember.
Well, blacking out equalled a good night,
a direct correlation.
[sigh]
What a fucking waste.
Ah, now, no regrets.
That really is a fecking waste.
I think it was the first time I laid
my naked breast against the bare flesh of a boy.
FRANK: Get out.
It was so exhilarating.
You dark horse.
Ah, no, not at all, there was no clumsy groping,
no fumbling onwards.
It was just that.
15 years old, I was, with far too much dreaming in my soul.
It was absolutely pure.
It was perfect.
You know, for me it was when our Fiona was born.
I went on a five-day bender.
Straight from hospital, I ended up in Brighton.
It was the first time I ever took GBH,
the best five days of my life.
Could you wheel me down a bit closer?
[inaudible]
[laughter]
[inaudible]
I can see it.
It's 120 miles away.
Superman couldn't see Ireland from here.
I can see it, smell it, taste it.
Could you give me some time, please?
Just an hour would be wonderful.
Thank you, Frank.
Yeah, well, you know, whatever.
[sigh]
Know what this is?
No, I don't want to know.
What are you being so cranky for?
Nothing, I could just do without the constant history
lessons, all right?
You can't just brush these things under the carpet.
It's unhealthy.
I thought you were flinging Paddy's things
out so that you and Billy can recommit
to your freak show marriage.
Say what you see, kiddo.
Oh, I fucking will.
You do.
This is the journal they made your dad keep
during his third spell in rehab.
I don't want to know.
Where he talks about how much he loves you.
Pack it in.
But not as much as he loves the smack.
Stop.
He was a weak man who put my mother in an early grave.
That is a fucking lie.
Hard to think he had the same genes as me and our Bobby.
It was you.
It's your fucking fault. You are the reason that his life
went down the toilet.
Bullshit.
You got him on the drugs.
You took his livelihood off him.
Livelihood?
What livelihood?
Everything that was Paddy Maguire's was
supposed to be my dad's.
It was my dad's right.
It was his inheritance.
And you gave it to some scummy Irish fuck.
Oh, you're deluded, kid.
No, you're deluded if you think you can
talk about my dad like that.
You just can't keep your mouth shut, can you?
I practically beg you, and you can't fucking stop.
I have hated you my whole life, you
fat, thieving, drug-dealing, murdering, abusive Scouse slag.
I'm not fat.
I'm a size 10.
What's going on?
You're weak, just like your father.
Up the stairs, now.
Please, please, be careful.
We've got a party tomorrow.
It's our anniversary.
Don't move.
Up, up.
OK.
Mam?
See?
Told you.
If they take one step inside this room,
I am going to slice your carotid artery, something
you don't recover from.
[knocking]
Ruby, what's going on?
I'm going to kill your mother, as it happens.
I don't have time for this today, Ruby.
I want to speak to her.
Well, you can't.
She's indisposed.
Send out an item of clothing, so we know she's alive.
How the fuck is an item of clothing going to show us
she's alive?
[knocking]
[laughter]
Hi.
Pint of lager and two--
hello, just a pint.
I am. I'm at my mum's.
Well, let me speak to her, then.
I can't.
She's indisposed.
Well, who else is there?
Ruby, Billy.
Well, let me speak to Ruby, then.
JAMIE: I can't.
What the fuck is going on?
It's hard to explain.
Don't lie.
JAMIE: I'm telling you the truth.
This is ridiculous.
You've got to trust me.
[moaning]
Listen, babe.
I need to go.
I'll call you later, yeah?
I know what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna ask your dad to marry me.
I can't take any more secrets.
No, we're already married, dummy.
I'm going to ask him to renew our vows.
And I'm going to do it properly, down
on one knee, propose, the lot.
And maybe we could even get a honeymoon, seeing as we didn't
get one the first time around.
How are you gonna pay for it all?
We're doing all right between him and me.
At least it's something.
What's all this about, Ruby?
It's about putting right 30 years of lies,
about finally being free to go on with my life.
You're not going to kill her.
Come on.
You'd have done it already.
[moaning]
This little bitch has cut my face, Jamie.
I want her head.
You're not helping, Mam.
[moaning]
[knocking]
BILLY: Are you all right, babe?
I spoke to the priest.
He's scared shitless, but he is coming.
You know, I don't think they're taking me seriously.
Why would they?
Fair point.
[screaming]
Mam.
[screaming]
Unusual to see you out of the pub this time of day.
Yeah, well, I had a horse.
I spoke to Karen, told her I had someone else in my life.
But she didn't buy it.
Why should she?
Would it help the equilibrium if I go and ride
Karen, even things up a bit?
It's not funny.
She really frightened me.
Are you coming home later?
Maybe.
Ruby, talk to me.
Time for another quick one.
(SINGING) Love comes and goes like he
knows what he wants to do.
It's here, then it's there, doesn't really seem to care
if I'm in or out with you.
We're lovers today, then it changes in the blink of an eye.
Where does the love go?
Where does the love go, go, go, go?
Our granddad did a bit of local lending, you know,
some money on the streets in Toxteth,
looked after some doors, did a bit of security, you know,
small stuff in the '70s.
Yeah, I know the legend.
My mam's told me often enough.
RUBY: Yeah, well, it should have gone to my dad.
He was the oldest.
But, no, no, but Paddy and your ma introduced him to smack,
and he never shook it.
So they just took what was his.
That was another time, another city.
Well, it's here and fucking now for me.
I had this all down to some sort
of female pre-menstrual thing.
I see I was wrong.
What's your master plan, then, eh?
What's your exit strategy?
I just lost my temper.
Jamie, get a lick on.
This idiot stabbed me in the leg,
and I've lost a lot of blood.
You haven't got the fucking balls.
You know what?
I have nothing to lose.
Is she talking?
I heard her talking.
Yeah, don't go leaping off tall buildings just yet.
Calm down.
I heard you, babe.
Everything is set for tomorrow.
I've got the cupcakes.
Cupcakes?
Important anniversary, first.
Congratulations.
[pounding]
BILLY: Mimi, talk to me, babe.
Mimi.
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
I needed a word in private.
You've crossed the line.
If it makes you feel any better,
you and me could fuck right now, even
the score up with your husband.
Dream on.
The human heart, physical desire, takes us all to places
that we didn't think we'd go.
That's the beauty of it, the wonder of it.
Well, that's very handy, a get out of jail free card.
It's not me.
It's my fucking libido. - Come on, Karen.
You're lily white.
None of us are.
God knows, my dark heart takes me to places
it shouldn't on a daily basis.
Like my bedroom?
You need to get off my sister's back.
She's trying to make a future.
I need you to leave, now.
OK, all right, OK, just give me 50 grand,
and I'll let her go. - We don't have 50 grand.
Just come out.
Your dad was a rotten fucking junkie long
before Paddy came on the scene.
Bullshit.
That's why your granddad didn't pass his shit on.
He'd have smoked it all away.
Paddy Maguire might be an arse in many ways,
but he did everything he could for our Kenny.
That is a fucking lie.
MIMI: Your dad was on the brown since his teens.
Mam, we'll have you out of there in no time, yeah?
I can't stay here.
Go on.
MIMI: Ruby!
[screaming]
Do you think she's faking it?
MAN: I said to Karen, "my dark heart takes
me to places it shouldn't."
Shut up.
I fucking did.
[laughter]
You sound like a pirate.
Might have thought you were gonna make her walk the plank.
I've never heard it called that before.
Fuck off.
MAN: You fuck off.
You can't go barging into women's bedrooms,
defending my honor, just because someone cats a glance.
Thank you.
I also said that you're trying to build yourself a future.
Are you?
Is it love, proper love?
I'm absolutely, completely sure it is.
It's not a mistake?
No.
Then carry on.
[music playing]
JAMIE: I've shut up shop.
Wanted a lock-in, but I can't get used to that.
She looks really peaceful.
She's fucking dead.
It was an accident, maybe for the best, troubled girl.
I could have made her happy.
It's not enough that she's your cousin.
Now it's necrophilia.
Eh, could have, past tense.
She could still make you happy.
Enough.
Mam, what's the plan?
Could be the loss of blood, but I'm fucking starving.
I could make you a cheese toastie.
No, not dairy products, mate, not with that wound.
Could turn her stomach, you know,
and if she starts puking up, as well as her blood loss--
I meant what's the plan with the body,
the corpse of the cousin sitting on the chair?
She's run away with her boyfriend, hasn't she?
Shallow grave, somewhere joggers won't
go but foxes and badgers will, once they catch the scent.
[moaning]
MAN: No, don't.
Did you sleep all right?
Mm.
I need to get started.
[moan]
I've got clients to see.
What's with all the cloak and dagger
at this time in the morning?
See for yourself.
If this is a joke--
No joke.
Jesus Christ!
You murdered her.
No, I didn't.
She stabbed Mam, took a tumble out the window.
Three witnesses, swear to God.
Since you're making all of the decisions now,
I thought you might have a plan.
I think we're a better team when we share responsibility.
Don't you?
[wind blowing]
Oh, fuck.
Fu-- Patty.
Patty.
Patty!
Pa-- oh, fuck.
No.
Fucking Scouse tide.
Well, I hope you made it, you mad fucking crone.
Just like that, up and gone?
Yeah, her and the fella, ne'er so much as a backward glance.
Yeah, but who was he?
Oh, seemed to know her from long ago, you know,
come over to take her back to the old emerald thing.
To think of all the minutes and seconds
I've wasted feeling sorry for her.
Well, not so sorry you'd stump up for a ferry trip.
Oh, how long are you gonna milk this?
Long as I can.
To Patty.
I've got a frock to get into.
You're not still going ahead with that?
After the 48 hours I've had, bet your fucking life.
About the frock.
You lying cunt.
It's how she would've wanted it.
Tell me she's all right.
She's all right.
I'll miss her, you know.
Nice to have the living room back.
Hello?
They have to leave you one light per room by law.
Who has?
Court-appointed bailiffs.
How much?
Everything, house included, we have to vacate by tomorrow.
You should have told me.
You were too busy fucking your little pharmacy pal.
Calum, is it?
Our time's up, baby.
You don't want me.
I don't want you.
This is just a symptom.
Please, don't.
It's a good thing.
Don't fight it.
Sorted the admin, so it's on me mostly.
Where are you going?
I'm leaving, baby.
I've got a lady.
Her and me, we've got a chance.
Who is she?
I'll be in touch.
[music playing]
(SINGING) She's electric.
[cheering]
I need more time.
[cheering]
I'm not sure about this.
This is how much I love you.
I want to inhabit your skin.
No, I mean, you've got a better figure
than me in that fucking dress.
Can you see me black eye?
No.
You see the cut on me cheek?
It looks perfect.
Ah, well, two out of three isn't bad.
Better get this done quick.
Same as last year, Father.
But with a few modifications.
I, William Tutton, take you--
Katherine Mimi Harmonica Joy Maguire.
You taught me, nurtured me.
I will respect and treasure you with every atom of my being.
Trust and love will ensure we walk towards our futures
together as one.
I will fuck no one else.
Nor will I.
And should my jizz ever dry up again--
Only I will milk you back to health.
[groaning]
I again pronounce you husband and wife.
[cheering]
You may kiss the bride.
Mimi, Mimi, are you all right?
PATTY: What would it be like to have peace of mind,
instead of this--
death, deviant sex, inconvenient truths, one murder,
vows exchanged and broken, scurrilous
lies, hostage taking?
What a week.
I'll miss the old place--
underfed, unwashed, inbred, skiving, scrounging, leeching
gobshites that they are, every last one.
But then they're our gobshites, are they not?
[music playing]
It's against the law, you know.
Shagging dead people is against the law.
I wasn't gonna shag her, Jesus.
No?
Just making sure she was all right, wasn't I?
Yeah, sure, you were.
Now go on.
Get the fuck home.
Go on, you dirty bastard.
She's your cousin.
[music playing]