1 00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:07,867 Anyone watching thinking we know 2 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:12,967 fuck all about fuck all about owt needs to watch their back. 3 00:00:13,067 --> 00:00:15,733 So you've had your Labour, reclassifying skunk, 4 00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:17,667 sending prices sky-high-- 5 00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:21,800 literally, literally taking the glass from its own roots. 6 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:23,333 Now you've got your condemnation. 7 00:00:23,433 --> 00:00:27,633 Get Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up. 8 00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:31,567 Have we had a national fucking stroke or what? 9 00:00:31,667 --> 00:00:36,267 Is revolution a word, or was it never? 10 00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:39,600 Anybody watching needs to know, we cope better than average 11 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:41,267 with irony in Chatsworth. 12 00:00:41,367 --> 00:00:44,933 Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester, 13 00:00:45,033 --> 00:00:47,900 and they charge us for water. 14 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,633 I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found, 15 00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:55,933 this green and pleasant land in ancient times-- 16 00:00:56,033 --> 00:00:58,900 yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak! 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,133 It's not theirs anymore. 18 00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:05,500 This is our England now. 19 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:06,900 Party! 20 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,467 [music] 21 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,500 MARTY (VOICEOVER): Depressing thought number 261, 22 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,367 you can never truly know somebody, 23 00:01:19,467 --> 00:01:22,467 what they're really thinking and feeling. 24 00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:25,867 No matter how hard you try, you'll never be totally sure, 25 00:01:25,967 --> 00:01:27,867 never truly know. 26 00:01:27,967 --> 00:01:29,700 You'll always be strangers. 27 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:35,067 Depressing thought number 262, you will never join that gym. 28 00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,267 You will never have a six pack. 29 00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:40,633 You will always feel a vague sense of self-loathing 30 00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,733 every time you undress. 31 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:48,700 Number 263, you will never be as young as you are right now. 32 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,567 See that moment that went by? 33 00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:51,567 That was it. 34 00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:52,800 It's gone. 35 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,467 And now you're older. 36 00:01:54,567 --> 00:01:57,733 You can never go back. 37 00:01:57,833 --> 00:02:03,767 Number 264. 38 00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:05,467 Everyone you know will die. 39 00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:12,000 Sometimes suddenly, sometimes not. 40 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,267 Sometimes they just slip away. 41 00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:24,333 And sometimes go out in a blaze of glory. 42 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:30,067 There will come a day when you see them for the last time. 43 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:57,767 You probably won't know it. 44 00:02:57,867 --> 00:03:02,167 No warning, no big fanfare. 45 00:03:02,267 --> 00:03:05,133 Just one day they'll be there, and the next-- 46 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,433 [tires squealing] 47 00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:14,733 Gone. 48 00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:19,500 Right in front of me. 49 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,933 Another inch, that could have been me. 50 00:03:22,033 --> 00:03:23,200 Bang, dead. 51 00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:24,933 Did you never learn your Green Cross Code? 52 00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:27,000 Always look both ways. 53 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,700 He was heading on in here as well. 54 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,067 That's lost revenue. 55 00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:31,967 It's a person we're talking about here, Lillian, 56 00:03:32,067 --> 00:03:33,500 not some fucking number on a spreadsheet. 57 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,367 Eddie McGuinness, 35. 58 00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:38,100 Likes girls in PVC and stockings. 59 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,933 Have you anything to add to that? 60 00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:41,167 No. 61 00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:44,433 Well, hush up and drink your tea, then. 62 00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:46,400 Deep breaths. 63 00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:49,067 It's just-- it makes you think, 64 00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:51,833 doesn't it, how fleeting life is, how you've got 65 00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:53,600 to make the most of it. 66 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:54,900 Suppose. 67 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,733 Which is why I've got something to ask you. 68 00:03:57,833 --> 00:03:58,633 Mm? 69 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,267 Is there any chance of another cup of tea? 70 00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:23,200 [shouting] 71 00:04:48,833 --> 00:04:49,733 Don't worry. 72 00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:51,500 Not his wife, just his sister. 73 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,700 Oh, thank fuck. 74 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,233 I thought for a minute I was the other woman then. 75 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:57,167 You're just another gullible tart he'll barely 76 00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:59,200 remember when he wakes up. 77 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,367 Only difference between you and Kleenex 78 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:04,967 is, he probably had to buy you a drink first. 79 00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:06,067 You can see yourself out. 80 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:26,900 You are my sunshine-- 81 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,467 - I'm your what? - No, not you. 82 00:05:28,567 --> 00:05:29,300 Slut! 83 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,700 Oh, so I'm not your sunshine. 84 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,833 I'm just your slut. - Shit. 85 00:05:31,933 --> 00:05:33,033 Sorry, no. 86 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,567 I'm just a bit all over the place here. 87 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:35,467 I saw it, you know. 88 00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:36,500 Milkman versus postman. 89 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,133 Fucking terrible. Shook me up, it did. 90 00:05:38,233 --> 00:05:40,000 I had my chance, and I blew it. 91 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,100 Like a twat! 92 00:05:47,933 --> 00:05:48,867 He's up to summat. 93 00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:49,800 Who? 94 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:50,700 Marty. 95 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,133 He's got that look. 96 00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:53,633 That matches, smoke, and flame one. 97 00:05:53,733 --> 00:05:54,633 Nah. 98 00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:56,233 He's way past that, isn't he? 99 00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:58,133 He's in the toilet. 100 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,067 Fucking hell, Karen. 101 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:00,667 Maybe he's having a piss. 102 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,633 Let's dial 999, shall we? 103 00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:05,967 Or maybe he's planning his own personal bonfire night. 104 00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:09,233 So unless you want this place burning down again, 105 00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:10,500 get your ass into the gents. 106 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,000 Kel, you are my sunshine. 107 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,333 My starlight. 108 00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:26,533 My-- world. 109 00:06:26,633 --> 00:06:30,900 Will you do me the great honor of being my-- shitflaps! 110 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,700 Marty, everything all right in there, mate? 111 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,633 Marty! 112 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,033 Oh! 113 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,200 I've lost it! 114 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,167 I've lost it, Jamie. 115 00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:43,733 Jamie, I've lost it! 116 00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:46,067 I've lost it! 117 00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:48,933 I've lost it! 118 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:49,933 "Miss you. 119 00:06:50,033 --> 00:06:51,033 Can't stop thinking about you. 120 00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:52,200 Wish you were here. 121 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,033 Love you so much." 122 00:06:54,133 --> 00:06:55,533 I mean, come on. 123 00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:58,167 Pays 60 quid a pop, always comes on me tits and me face, 124 00:06:58,267 --> 00:06:59,767 and he thinks that that's love. 125 00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:01,667 That's nice, dear. Yeah. 126 00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:05,433 Then the dickhead only gets me name tattooed on his arm. 127 00:07:05,533 --> 00:07:07,067 Sherry. Sherry! 128 00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:11,633 It's not even my real name, stupid twat-- 129 00:07:11,733 --> 00:07:14,200 [chimes] 130 00:07:16,733 --> 00:07:19,300 Hello? 131 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,200 Girls? 132 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:48,833 Are you the spirit of Eddie, that poor postie? 133 00:07:48,933 --> 00:07:50,233 I'm just a fucking dog, love. 134 00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,967 Now hurry up and open that letter. 135 00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:54,033 Come on, darling. 136 00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:01,333 --that doesn't spell romance to me, not when half 137 00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:03,833 of A&E are sniggering at you. 138 00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:05,767 - I've had one of my visions. - What? 139 00:08:05,867 --> 00:08:07,767 The spirit world talking to me, 140 00:08:07,867 --> 00:08:09,567 a message from the other side. 141 00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:11,333 A warning. 142 00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:15,767 Like glass it will break, a bond it will take. 143 00:08:15,867 --> 00:08:22,767 She will shed not a tear for a storm, it draws near. 144 00:08:22,867 --> 00:08:24,200 Is that JLS? 145 00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:31,367 Lil, where are you going? 146 00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:34,667 I need to spread the word before disaster strikes. 147 00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:38,233 Also, we're out of batteries for the dildos. 148 00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:40,867 When I woke up, I just knew today was the day. 149 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:42,833 And then I saw the postman get splattered, 150 00:08:42,933 --> 00:08:44,133 and, well, it was like a sign. 151 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,033 Yeah, a sign we're getting a new postie. 152 00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:47,767 So what does flushing the ring down the lavvy mean? 153 00:08:47,867 --> 00:08:50,133 It means I'm a fucking loser. 154 00:08:50,233 --> 00:08:51,900 It might still be in there, mate. 155 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,367 The toilets are all backed up. 156 00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:55,633 I've been meaning to get a plumber to sort it. 157 00:08:55,733 --> 00:08:57,500 I've got short arms. 158 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:58,467 No way. 159 00:08:58,567 --> 00:08:59,433 Please! 160 00:08:59,533 --> 00:09:00,433 I love her, Jamie! 161 00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:01,233 Fenian cunt! 162 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,100 I just wanted it to be perfect. 163 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,000 Like she is, but no, I'm gonna be alone. 164 00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,867 'Cause I've got stupid fucking short arms. 165 00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:12,200 You stupid bastard short-ass fucking arms. 166 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:16,300 Marty. 167 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,267 Just give me a minute, yeah? 168 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,200 Yeah. 169 00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:31,833 - So? - Don't ask. 170 00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:32,833 Jamie! 171 00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:34,567 Seriously, don't ask. 172 00:09:37,633 --> 00:09:40,467 [vibrating] 173 00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:57,700 [ringing] 174 00:09:58,367 --> 00:09:59,033 Hero! 175 00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,633 God amongst men. 176 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,500 I'd shake your hand, but-- 177 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,633 This never happened. 178 00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:05,900 I got the ring back. 179 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,333 It's another sign. [ringing] 180 00:10:07,433 --> 00:10:08,700 It means everything is going to work. 181 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,733 Everything's going to be OK. 182 00:10:10,833 --> 00:10:12,667 [continued ringing] 183 00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:15,967 WOMAN (ON PHONE): So is 2:00 OK or not? 184 00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:17,533 Listen, I'm willing to have a look at it, 185 00:10:17,633 --> 00:10:19,567 but I don't want any more of that American lite piss, 186 00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:20,567 all right? 187 00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,033 WOMAN (ON PHONE): That's a yes then? 188 00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:23,900 I'd have more success shifting me own urine. 189 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:24,867 WOMAN (ON PHONE): Uh-oh. 190 00:10:24,967 --> 00:10:26,833 Here comes the dirty talk. 191 00:10:26,933 --> 00:10:28,000 Fine. 192 00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:31,800 Yeah, we'll talk about it later, yeah? 193 00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,167 Fucking brewery. 194 00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:36,733 Still trying to pass off that weak shit to us. 195 00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:37,700 I could go if you want. 196 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:38,733 No, it's all right, babes. 197 00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:41,200 No sweat. 198 00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,600 That's a great man you've got there, Karen. 199 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,000 One of the good'uns. 200 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:45,900 Love. 201 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,667 Fucking love. 202 00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,133 It's amazing, isn't it? 203 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:51,433 It's fucking amazing. 204 00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:02,767 I've got something I need to ask you, about Kelly. 205 00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:05,400 I want to propose to her. 206 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:08,567 And you've come here to ask my permission? 207 00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:10,800 Well, it's not up to me who that tart hooks up with. 208 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,433 But you were married to her before. 209 00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:14,767 If she wants to choose a little creepy pyro over me, 210 00:11:14,867 --> 00:11:16,033 it's her choice, isn't it? 211 00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:17,267 That's all in the past. 212 00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:19,433 Well, what is the past, Marty? 213 00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:22,400 You see, some schools of thought think that it doesn't exist. 214 00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:26,033 Everything happens concurrently. 215 00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:28,167 So while we're stood here chatting, 216 00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:31,033 there's another Marty, watching his wife 217 00:11:31,133 --> 00:11:33,467 and kids burn to death. 218 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:34,633 [spitting] 219 00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:35,900 I'm sorry. 220 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,300 Fuck off! 221 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,700 That was way below the belt. 222 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,867 Is that really what people think? 223 00:11:42,967 --> 00:11:45,100 That I killed Sue and the kids? 224 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,600 Because it wasn't like that. 225 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,867 I wasn't even there. 226 00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:52,700 Nobody thinks you did it. 227 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,067 I was just being a dick. 228 00:11:58,167 --> 00:11:59,533 You did nick my wife after all. 229 00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:07,267 Should just get a taxi stand outside the house 230 00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,900 for all the gullible girls he brings back home every night. 231 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,100 Better than having to do the walk of shame down Chatsworth. 232 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,067 I need a favor. 233 00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,200 Does it involve cash? 234 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:17,933 No. 235 00:12:18,033 --> 00:12:22,367 Then I'm listening. 236 00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:25,133 I need you to cover for me at the Jockey. 237 00:12:25,233 --> 00:12:26,533 Yeah, of course. 238 00:12:26,633 --> 00:12:29,333 Can you be there before 2 o'clock? 239 00:12:29,433 --> 00:12:30,167 Why? 240 00:12:30,267 --> 00:12:33,367 What's happening at 2 o'clock? 241 00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:34,467 I don't know. 242 00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:36,800 But Jamie does, and I'm going to find out. 243 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,633 Sorry, I'm not following you. 244 00:12:42,633 --> 00:12:46,733 He's got this text from "the brewery." 245 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:50,100 It's god kiss, kiss, kiss at the end. 246 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,267 That's nothing. 247 00:12:51,367 --> 00:12:54,367 I've been getting these feelings, 248 00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:56,533 and they just keep building and building. 249 00:12:56,633 --> 00:12:58,767 It's probably some dolly-bird who works for the brewery 250 00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:02,800 and who just texts like that. 251 00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,633 Look at me. 252 00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:05,533 Look at me! 253 00:13:09,867 --> 00:13:11,733 Jamie loves you. 254 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,167 Now, stop doing this to yourself. 255 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,467 Morning. 256 00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:18,500 Huh! 257 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:23,367 It breathes, it walks, but is it human? 258 00:13:23,467 --> 00:13:24,700 Barely. 259 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,500 Two types of men in this world. 260 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:31,600 Men like my dearest brother, and then there's 261 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:36,600 the rare ones, like your Jamie. 262 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,167 The ones who are worth it. 263 00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:08,667 Idiot. 264 00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:11,600 Stupid fucking idiot. 265 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,033 [retching] Oh! 266 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,500 This isn't a spectator sport. 267 00:14:23,867 --> 00:14:25,433 I think I maybe need your help. 268 00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:28,067 Or spiritual guidance, that sort of thing. 269 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,700 God have mercy on your soul. 270 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,733 Excuse me. 271 00:14:32,833 --> 00:14:34,200 [retching] 272 00:14:35,967 --> 00:14:36,800 Mirrors? 273 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:37,700 Nah. 274 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:38,633 Haven't broken any. 275 00:14:38,733 --> 00:14:39,633 Now you're sure? 276 00:14:39,733 --> 00:14:41,500 The prophecy was quite specific. 277 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:42,533 It's a prophecy now? 278 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,233 Because before it was just a message. 279 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:48,100 Those of us who have the gift are often mocked and shunned. 280 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,533 Look, just if I was going to spend the effort sending 281 00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:52,067 a message to the other side, I'd make it 282 00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:53,867 coherent and straightforward. 283 00:14:53,967 --> 00:14:54,867 Not a shitty poem. 284 00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:56,600 20 menthol, Ches. 285 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:57,533 You see? 286 00:14:57,633 --> 00:14:59,733 That's a message. 287 00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:00,833 No mistaking it. 288 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,200 20 menthol. 289 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,267 None of this "for a storm draws near" bollocks. 290 00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:05,800 You had another one of your visions? 291 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:08,867 A dog brung it. 292 00:15:08,967 --> 00:15:13,067 Didn't you also predict that the world would end in 2009? 293 00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:16,367 A cat told me that one you can't trust them cats. 294 00:15:21,767 --> 00:15:22,667 Afternoon. 295 00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:25,700 Oh, congratulations, by the way. 296 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:26,767 Marty. 297 00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:28,300 You not over that? 298 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,767 No, I-- yeah, I mean the-- 299 00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:33,500 you know. 300 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,733 Oh, bollocks. 301 00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:37,167 Shane. 302 00:15:37,267 --> 00:15:38,700 I said nothing, right? 303 00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:52,700 Right, I'm off to see the brewery rep. 304 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,967 See if you can get us a bit of a discount, then. 305 00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:56,533 Yeah, I'll try and get pigs to fly and hell 306 00:15:56,633 --> 00:15:59,000 to freeze over too. 307 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,867 Is it a man or a woman? 308 00:16:00,967 --> 00:16:01,900 Who, the rep? 309 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,300 He's a bloke. 310 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:04,400 Why? 311 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,600 Nothing. 312 00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:07,300 Question, that's all. - Come along if you want. 313 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,967 Should be gripping stuff. 314 00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,367 Nah, you're all right. 315 00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:11,267 OK. 316 00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:17,467 I've got the ring, and I've got the speech. 317 00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:18,633 But then I see her-- 318 00:16:18,733 --> 00:16:21,433 I bottle it. 319 00:16:21,533 --> 00:16:22,833 You're a priest. 320 00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:24,333 You must have married loads of people. 321 00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:25,467 Ah. I see. 322 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,000 So you're asking me if I think that you and Kelly 323 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:30,300 are right for each other. 324 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,367 No. 325 00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:33,200 I mean, you can't make her happy, Marty. 326 00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:34,600 Chances are she'll turn you down, 327 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,533 or she'll run off before the wedding happens. 328 00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:39,233 Or a month or two down the line, you'll go into an empty house 329 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,900 and you'll see a lipstick message on the mirror. 330 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:41,767 "Goodbye." 331 00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,033 That's all she wrote. 332 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,033 I thought priests were meant to make people 333 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:45,333 feel better about themselves. 334 00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:47,500 Look at you, Marty, right, and look at her. 335 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,933 Imagine the things that she's done to make her money, 336 00:16:50,033 --> 00:16:52,200 men she's held in her arms. 337 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:56,767 Kissed, fucked, sucked. And ask yourself why. 338 00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:58,933 You know, why in all that's holy would she choose you? 339 00:16:59,033 --> 00:17:01,533 Out of all them men, why would she choose little twitching, 340 00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:03,333 stuttering Marty Fisher? 341 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,267 Fucking twat! 342 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,233 Marty! 343 00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:07,000 Eh! 344 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:07,900 Good lad. 345 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,300 What? 346 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,033 You don't give a shit what anyone thinks, right? 347 00:17:11,133 --> 00:17:12,533 Not me, not your family, not your friends. 348 00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:13,467 It's not about us. 349 00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:14,633 It's about you and her. 350 00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:16,100 That's all. 351 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,267 Do you love her? 352 00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:19,767 And does she love you? 353 00:17:19,867 --> 00:17:21,067 Then that's it. 354 00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:23,067 You ask her. 355 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,167 Ask her to marry you. 356 00:17:28,533 --> 00:17:30,600 And buy me another drink. Actually, do that first. 357 00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,967 You know, priorities. 358 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:34,533 Will you do our wedding? 359 00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:36,233 Make it a double whisky, and I'll throw in some tap dancing 360 00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:37,133 as well. 361 00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:42,500 What's wrong with you today/ 362 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:43,333 Sorry. 363 00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:46,267 Can I get a big whisky, please? 364 00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:48,267 [knocking] 365 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:53,600 You alone? 366 00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:04,767 We've got to be more careful. 367 00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:06,733 Yeah, we will be. 368 00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:08,467 Look, you know the rules. 369 00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:09,300 And I get it. 370 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,800 It's not easy for you sometimes. 371 00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:11,967 Sorry? 372 00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:13,267 It's just, I've got the wife and kid, 373 00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:14,867 and you're sort of stuck here alone, aren't you? 374 00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:15,833 What? 375 00:18:15,933 --> 00:18:17,900 You're feeling sorry for me? 376 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,367 No, I just-- 377 00:18:19,467 --> 00:18:20,300 I didn't mean it like that. 378 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,967 I mean, I understand you. 379 00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,967 Such a great guy. 380 00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:28,100 [knocking] 381 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,700 Have you broken and mirrors? 382 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,000 What? 383 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,633 Look, I'm busy. 384 00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,333 Middle of a complex perm. 385 00:18:47,433 --> 00:18:49,900 See, I've had this vision, and I'm asking everybody. 386 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,133 It's important. 387 00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:53,433 Well, I've had this vision too, Lillian. 388 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,700 Your nose is bleeding, and my knuckles are sore. 389 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:57,900 Want to find out how it happens? 390 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,800 I'm only trying to save some souls. 391 00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:00,700 Bye. 392 00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:11,967 My sunshine, my starlight, my world. 393 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,200 What do you think? 394 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,967 Is sunshine better first, or starlight? 395 00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:19,333 I think any woman who won't marry you 396 00:19:19,433 --> 00:19:20,833 because you put one in front of the other 397 00:19:20,933 --> 00:19:22,600 isn't worth marrying, Marty. 398 00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:24,033 I just want it to be right. 399 00:19:24,133 --> 00:19:26,200 [door opening] 400 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,867 Now's your chance. 401 00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:29,833 Shit. 402 00:19:29,933 --> 00:19:30,767 I can't do it. 403 00:19:30,867 --> 00:19:31,667 Not here, not now. 404 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:35,167 Kelly, how are you? 405 00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:36,633 Something you want to tell me? 406 00:19:36,733 --> 00:19:37,800 No. 407 00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:40,367 Don't think so. 408 00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:42,700 You sure? 409 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,300 Do you-- want a drink? 410 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,033 How about "Do you want to marry me?" 411 00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:50,533 Yeah, I know about it. 412 00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:52,600 I also know you've been avoiding me all day. 413 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:56,600 That's right, ninja-boy, I saw you hiding. 414 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:57,933 So, what is it? 415 00:19:58,033 --> 00:20:00,067 Cold feet? 416 00:20:00,167 --> 00:20:01,700 You think I'm not good enough for you? 417 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,633 No. 418 00:20:02,733 --> 00:20:04,200 Fuck no. 419 00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:09,033 It's just-- I wanted everything to be hearts and flowers, and-- 420 00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:11,600 a perfect moment, just for you. 421 00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:13,867 It's life, Marty. 422 00:20:13,967 --> 00:20:16,133 There's no such thing as a perfect moment. 423 00:20:19,633 --> 00:20:21,533 Go on then. 424 00:20:21,633 --> 00:20:23,933 What? 425 00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:25,100 Here, now? 426 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,467 Kelly Ball, you are my sun-- 427 00:20:42,567 --> 00:20:44,933 Yes. 428 00:20:45,033 --> 00:20:45,867 What? 429 00:20:45,967 --> 00:20:46,767 Yes! 430 00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:51,267 [cheering] 431 00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:53,867 [MUSIC - HOOVERPHONIC, "MAD ABOUT YOU"] 432 00:20:53,967 --> 00:20:58,667 Trouble is my middle name, but in the end I'm not too bad. 433 00:20:58,767 --> 00:21:07,367 Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you? 434 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:11,433 Mad about you. 435 00:21:11,533 --> 00:21:12,533 It's a big step. 436 00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:14,267 I hope you're as happy as me and Mimi are. 437 00:21:14,367 --> 00:21:16,500 I tell you what, that woman-- you're about to do it again, 438 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,267 aren't you? - What? 439 00:21:17,367 --> 00:21:18,267 Won't 440 00:21:18,367 --> 00:21:19,433 You know, start talking about me mam, 441 00:21:19,533 --> 00:21:21,000 tell me how fantastic in bed she is. 442 00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:22,833 Let me save you some time, eh? 443 00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,367 Ah! 444 00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:25,600 He's in love. 445 00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:28,267 And love's the most important thing in the world. 446 00:21:28,367 --> 00:21:30,533 There's only one thing I want to know. 447 00:21:30,633 --> 00:21:31,533 I promise you. 448 00:21:31,633 --> 00:21:33,000 I'll love her, cherish her, honor her-- 449 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:34,300 No, no, no, no. 450 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,300 Are we going to have a party tonight or not? 451 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,667 Party! 452 00:21:38,767 --> 00:21:40,233 [cheering] 453 00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:42,933 She said yes, then? 454 00:21:43,033 --> 00:21:44,100 I want your best champagne. 455 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,233 And banners, streamers, the works! 456 00:21:46,333 --> 00:21:47,533 Nothing's too good for my girl. 457 00:21:47,633 --> 00:21:48,900 I don't know about the streamers and banners, 458 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,000 but we can stick up the Christmas 459 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:50,933 decorations if you like. 460 00:21:51,033 --> 00:21:51,867 Brilliant. 461 00:21:51,967 --> 00:21:53,500 Everyone loves Christmas. 462 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,167 I'm going to change into me party dress, then. 463 00:21:57,267 --> 00:21:58,633 You're back early. 464 00:21:58,733 --> 00:22:00,900 Yeah, I got halfway there, and the twat calls to say 465 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:01,933 he couldn't make it today. 466 00:22:02,033 --> 00:22:03,000 Cheers for that. 467 00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:09,300 You all right? 468 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,567 Yeah. 469 00:22:10,667 --> 00:22:11,500 Never better. 470 00:22:14,933 --> 00:22:15,900 Wait, Kel! 471 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,800 It's all right. 472 00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:17,833 I meant it. 473 00:22:17,933 --> 00:22:18,800 I'm going to change. 474 00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:19,900 I'm not running out on you. 475 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,533 No, it's about the ring. 476 00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,967 It was my grandmother's. 477 00:22:24,067 --> 00:22:26,233 But it was Sue's as well. 478 00:22:26,333 --> 00:22:28,267 She chucked it at me when we split up. 479 00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:30,033 And I kept it because I wanted to give it to someone 480 00:22:30,133 --> 00:22:31,300 who truly deserved it. 481 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:32,667 You see, my nan and granddad, they 482 00:22:32,767 --> 00:22:33,667 were together till they died. 483 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,367 You're telling me you've used this ring before? 484 00:22:38,467 --> 00:22:41,800 Proposal, marriage, the whole thing? 485 00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:45,333 I'll buy you a different one if you give me the time 486 00:22:45,433 --> 00:22:46,833 to get the money together. 487 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:49,033 I'll get you the biggest, brightest diamond I can afford. 488 00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:51,833 It's romantic. 489 00:22:51,933 --> 00:22:54,500 What? 490 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,933 You want me to have this for the right reasons. 491 00:22:58,033 --> 00:22:59,667 I get it. 492 00:22:59,767 --> 00:23:04,633 It's-- romantic. 493 00:23:04,733 --> 00:23:05,533 I know. 494 00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:13,733 It's like "Beauty and the Beast," 495 00:23:13,833 --> 00:23:16,267 if the Beast had a thing for torching houses and shouting, 496 00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:17,600 wanker! 497 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:19,733 They just seem a bit wrong for each other, don't they? 498 00:23:19,833 --> 00:23:21,967 Not like me and you, babe. 499 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,133 She's had more cocks than Bernard Matthews. 500 00:23:24,233 --> 00:23:25,133 Good luck to him. 501 00:23:25,233 --> 00:23:26,433 Oh, for fuck's sake. 502 00:23:26,533 --> 00:23:28,333 Can't you just be happy for them? 503 00:23:28,433 --> 00:23:29,333 Oh! 504 00:23:29,433 --> 00:23:31,567 Oh, don't you dare fall on me. 505 00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:33,067 Heh, I'll do my best. 506 00:23:39,967 --> 00:23:42,400 Do you think I'm fucking stupid? 507 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:43,500 What? 508 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,033 I said, do you think I'm fucking stupid? 509 00:23:47,133 --> 00:23:48,600 What the fuck has gotten into you? 510 00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:49,600 You. 511 00:23:49,700 --> 00:23:52,733 Getting into my fucking husband. 512 00:23:52,833 --> 00:23:54,867 Me and Jamie? 513 00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:56,133 Are you crazy? 514 00:23:59,933 --> 00:24:01,400 I don't know. 515 00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:05,333 Something isn't right, and it's driving me mad. 516 00:24:05,433 --> 00:24:10,100 And I don't know what is worse. 517 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,333 If it's true, or if-- 518 00:24:14,433 --> 00:24:15,500 Or if it's all in your head? 519 00:24:20,967 --> 00:24:22,433 OK. 520 00:24:22,533 --> 00:24:25,800 So, one way or another, we will find out. 521 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,167 Well, someone must have broken a mirror. 522 00:24:32,267 --> 00:24:34,567 And as I've told you before, it's none of us. 523 00:24:34,667 --> 00:24:35,467 But my vision-- 524 00:24:35,567 --> 00:24:37,867 Overactive imagination. 525 00:24:37,967 --> 00:24:39,233 I have the gift. 526 00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:41,967 Well, you should take it back to the shop, then. 527 00:24:42,067 --> 00:24:45,333 Respect for your elders and betters. 528 00:24:45,433 --> 00:24:46,400 The boy's right. 529 00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:48,700 I'd hang onto the receipt if I were you. 530 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,300 Damaged goods. 531 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:51,600 [chuckling] 532 00:24:53,433 --> 00:24:55,433 You're not going to fuck this one up, Kel. 533 00:24:58,067 --> 00:24:59,400 You're not gonna fuck it up, right? 534 00:25:10,033 --> 00:25:11,467 [whistling] 535 00:25:12,967 --> 00:25:15,667 Princess Kate in the house. 536 00:25:15,767 --> 00:25:18,733 You look very passable, dear. 537 00:25:18,833 --> 00:25:20,700 Thank you. 538 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,467 More importantly, this party of yours tonight. 539 00:25:23,567 --> 00:25:26,167 I am right in understanding there will 540 00:25:26,267 --> 00:25:28,000 be free beverages available? 541 00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:30,333 Only because I want all the drinking, 542 00:25:30,433 --> 00:25:34,833 drugs, fucking, and fighting out of the way tonight. 543 00:25:34,933 --> 00:25:36,733 I am having a proper wedding. 544 00:25:36,833 --> 00:25:39,800 I don't want anybody wiping blood and vomit off the pews. 545 00:25:39,900 --> 00:25:43,600 You're getting married in a-- a church? 546 00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:44,967 Oh. 547 00:25:45,067 --> 00:25:49,967 Well, they do say the Lord is very forgiving, even 548 00:25:50,067 --> 00:25:53,300 of the blackest of sheep. 549 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:54,067 Bin. 550 00:25:54,167 --> 00:25:55,533 What's happened to these? 551 00:25:55,633 --> 00:25:56,500 Pah! 552 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,167 Vernon Francis Gallagher happened. 553 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,200 Every one bill that comes through the door now. 554 00:26:07,300 --> 00:26:09,033 Says he's fighting his system. 555 00:26:09,133 --> 00:26:10,200 This isn't a bell. 556 00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:12,700 It's for your Marty. 557 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:13,933 Eh, you can't do that. 558 00:26:14,033 --> 00:26:15,567 Eh! 559 00:26:15,667 --> 00:26:20,333 That little sponger gets his post sent here. 560 00:26:20,433 --> 00:26:21,367 It's fair game. 561 00:26:27,633 --> 00:26:28,467 What? 562 00:26:28,567 --> 00:26:31,467 This is from one of Marty's kids. 563 00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:48,233 Get Jamie alone and then make a move on him. 564 00:26:48,333 --> 00:26:49,700 It's not rocket science. 565 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,233 Look, I would do this, OK? 566 00:26:51,333 --> 00:26:54,000 But I am related, and I think it would just creep him out. 567 00:26:54,100 --> 00:26:56,100 Karen, I thought we sorted this out. 568 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,833 It's just this little voice in my head, yapping away. 569 00:26:58,933 --> 00:27:02,567 Get a grip and tell it to fuck off. 570 00:27:02,667 --> 00:27:04,067 Please. 571 00:27:04,167 --> 00:27:05,167 I need to be sure. 572 00:27:08,633 --> 00:27:09,933 Marriage isn't easy. 573 00:27:10,033 --> 00:27:11,833 It's about compromise. 574 00:27:11,933 --> 00:27:13,233 It's about trust. 575 00:27:13,333 --> 00:27:15,233 It's about suppressing things knowing you can't always 576 00:27:15,333 --> 00:27:17,933 be right, even when you are. 577 00:27:18,033 --> 00:27:19,200 People say it's a roller coaster, 578 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:21,933 but it's more of a ghost train. 579 00:27:22,033 --> 00:27:23,333 But it's good, right? 580 00:27:23,433 --> 00:27:25,267 I mean, you wouldn't change it for the world. 581 00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:29,900 Welcome to the club. 582 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,267 - There you go, love. - Thank you. 583 00:27:38,100 --> 00:27:39,567 All right? 584 00:27:39,667 --> 00:27:40,633 Karen knows. 585 00:27:40,733 --> 00:27:41,767 What? 586 00:27:41,867 --> 00:27:44,933 Or at least she suspects something. 587 00:27:45,033 --> 00:27:46,200 She sent me in here to test you. 588 00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:47,533 You're kidding me. 589 00:27:47,633 --> 00:27:49,767 No, Jamie. 590 00:27:49,867 --> 00:27:51,733 Right, so you go back out there, 591 00:27:51,833 --> 00:27:54,467 you tell her what a good boy I am, and it's business as usual, 592 00:27:54,567 --> 00:27:56,267 yeah? 593 00:27:56,367 --> 00:27:58,400 Well, how do you think this makes me feel? 594 00:27:58,500 --> 00:27:59,400 Hey. 595 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:00,900 Like I told you before, I understand. 596 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,933 It's not easy for you. 597 00:28:04,033 --> 00:28:05,833 So we'll be more careful in future. 598 00:28:05,933 --> 00:28:06,833 Right? 599 00:28:06,933 --> 00:28:08,000 Now, go on. 600 00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:23,600 So? 601 00:28:23,700 --> 00:28:26,400 Seriously, you've got nothing to worry about. 602 00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:28,133 Like I said, you've got a good man in there. 603 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,467 It just says his kids have been looking for him. 604 00:28:36,567 --> 00:28:39,700 I mean, most of it's all burnt, but there's-- 605 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,567 an address in Spain. 606 00:28:41,667 --> 00:28:43,167 It just doesn't make sense. 607 00:28:43,267 --> 00:28:45,200 You have to show him the letter. 608 00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:48,667 But what if it means his wife, his kids, 609 00:28:48,767 --> 00:28:50,133 they're all still alive? 610 00:28:50,233 --> 00:28:55,900 Marty would still want to be with you, no matter what. 611 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:56,800 Unless, of course-- 612 00:29:01,233 --> 00:29:02,800 Unless, of course, what? 613 00:29:02,900 --> 00:29:04,700 It just seems strange. 614 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:05,767 He said they were all dead. 615 00:29:05,867 --> 00:29:08,100 His wife, his two little children. 616 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,933 I'm sure that's what he believed. 617 00:29:10,033 --> 00:29:11,867 At least, I hope it is. 618 00:29:11,967 --> 00:29:13,533 Because if he lied about this, then 619 00:29:13,633 --> 00:29:17,933 God knows what other dirty secrets he has tucked away. 620 00:29:18,033 --> 00:29:21,600 But I'm sure it's all an honest mistake. 621 00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:24,533 It happens all the time. 622 00:29:24,633 --> 00:29:26,800 Where are your wife and kids, Jim? 623 00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:27,833 They're dead. 624 00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:28,767 Oh. 625 00:29:28,867 --> 00:29:30,933 Wait, no, they're not. 626 00:29:31,033 --> 00:29:32,600 They're in Sainsbury's, doing the shopping. 627 00:29:38,633 --> 00:29:40,500 And there'll be someone out there for you too. 628 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,333 Of course there's someone out there for her. 629 00:29:42,433 --> 00:29:44,733 There's a fucking busload if she wants it. 630 00:29:44,833 --> 00:29:47,333 Traffic jams up and down the M60, tits and ass like that. 631 00:29:47,433 --> 00:29:48,067 No. 632 00:29:48,167 --> 00:29:50,800 I-- I just meant the one. 633 00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:52,867 That's such bollocks. 634 00:29:52,967 --> 00:29:55,433 There's no such thing as "the one." 635 00:29:55,533 --> 00:29:57,000 Ahem. 636 00:29:57,100 --> 00:29:59,200 Oh, go suck a Fisherman's Friend. 637 00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:01,367 Well, I think it's very sweet, because the view from here 638 00:30:01,467 --> 00:30:04,067 is usually a sea of glum and tormented faces. 639 00:30:04,167 --> 00:30:05,633 So it's very nice to see a smile. 640 00:30:09,633 --> 00:30:11,900 Wedding's off. 641 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,033 Kel, what's going on? 642 00:30:13,133 --> 00:30:13,967 What's happened? 643 00:30:14,067 --> 00:30:15,433 Your fucking kid, Marty. 644 00:30:15,533 --> 00:30:17,467 You lied. 645 00:30:17,567 --> 00:30:19,267 Sympathy, was it? 646 00:30:19,367 --> 00:30:20,667 "Aw, they died in that fire." 647 00:30:20,767 --> 00:30:22,900 Poor fucking Marty. 648 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,100 Don't you fucking touch me. 649 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,400 Don't fucking look at me. 650 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:31,133 And don't ever fucking talk to me again. 651 00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:36,500 Kelly? 652 00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:46,867 Marty? 653 00:30:46,967 --> 00:30:48,433 Marty? 654 00:30:48,533 --> 00:30:50,833 MARTY: [sobbing] 655 00:30:50,933 --> 00:30:53,400 You all right, mate? 656 00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:55,367 [sobbing] 657 00:31:05,533 --> 00:31:06,533 Lillian here? 658 00:31:06,633 --> 00:31:08,900 She's out on a mission. You know, the gift. 659 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:09,833 Well, it doesn't matter. 660 00:31:09,933 --> 00:31:10,833 I'm back. 661 00:31:10,933 --> 00:31:12,367 Next customer's mine, all right? 662 00:31:12,467 --> 00:31:13,133 There's a rota. 663 00:31:13,233 --> 00:31:14,667 Well, fuck the rota. 664 00:31:14,767 --> 00:31:16,267 You can't just come and steal punters off the rest of us. 665 00:31:16,367 --> 00:31:18,700 I'm fucking working, so get the fuck out of my way. 666 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,267 Sorry, Kel. Just business. 667 00:31:22,367 --> 00:31:23,200 Slag. 668 00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:28,267 Marty? 669 00:31:28,367 --> 00:31:29,167 Hello? 670 00:31:32,700 --> 00:31:33,600 He's gone. 671 00:31:42,667 --> 00:31:43,600 Fuck. 672 00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:46,000 Miles away. 673 00:31:46,100 --> 00:31:50,167 Maybe the lad just needs some spiritual guidance. 674 00:31:50,267 --> 00:31:52,167 I learned this one in the seminary. 675 00:31:52,267 --> 00:31:55,867 It's the short, sharp shock. 676 00:31:55,967 --> 00:31:56,833 Oh! 677 00:31:56,933 --> 00:31:57,733 Jesus. 678 00:32:00,833 --> 00:32:02,933 Snakes with fucking tits. 679 00:32:03,033 --> 00:32:04,000 And we're back. 680 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,067 Thank you. 681 00:32:14,167 --> 00:32:16,733 So what does it say? 682 00:32:16,833 --> 00:32:19,833 Last month, from Spain. 683 00:32:19,933 --> 00:32:22,033 It's got a return address and everything. 684 00:32:22,133 --> 00:32:24,067 I don't know what to do. 685 00:32:24,167 --> 00:32:25,767 Well, most folk will tell you the right thing to do 686 00:32:25,867 --> 00:32:27,633 is to jump on the next plane and head over there. 687 00:32:27,733 --> 00:32:29,100 But there's no way of knowing. 688 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,400 I mean, that letter could have been to tell you to stay 689 00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:33,033 the hell away, no matter what. 690 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,267 Not like the Good Book offers much help. 691 00:32:37,367 --> 00:32:39,100 Even the big man upstairs more or less 692 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,400 abandoned his kid, at least until the Romans 693 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:44,567 started hammering nails into his hands and feet. 694 00:32:44,667 --> 00:32:47,267 This idea that we're supposed to be there for our kids, 695 00:32:47,367 --> 00:32:49,800 that we're needed, even nature thinks it's bollocks. 696 00:32:49,900 --> 00:32:52,700 The number of animals who quite happily kick their brood out 697 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,100 to fend for themselves-- look, at the end of the day, 698 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,167 you've got to ask yourself one question. 699 00:32:57,267 --> 00:33:02,300 Are you doing more damage than good? 700 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:03,533 Come on. 701 00:33:03,633 --> 00:33:04,733 Casting our pearls here. 702 00:33:04,833 --> 00:33:05,933 If you're going to switch off, then that's fine. 703 00:33:06,033 --> 00:33:06,833 But let me know. 704 00:33:06,933 --> 00:33:08,400 I'm not a bloody jukebox. 705 00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:10,967 Everything's out of my control. 706 00:33:11,067 --> 00:33:12,933 I want it to burn. 707 00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:14,900 This place. 708 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:15,867 The estate. 709 00:33:15,967 --> 00:33:16,767 You. 710 00:33:16,867 --> 00:33:18,000 Everyone. 711 00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:19,300 I need to be stopped. 712 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,167 SINGER: If I had a million dollars or 10-- 713 00:33:27,467 --> 00:33:28,767 2.50. 714 00:33:28,867 --> 00:33:31,567 Hey. 715 00:33:31,667 --> 00:33:34,967 Don't look now, but, um, I think Gloria just made 716 00:33:35,067 --> 00:33:37,500 a move on me in the back room. 717 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:38,500 Really? 718 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:39,600 Yeah. 719 00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:41,300 I know she's your mate and all that, but-- 720 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,233 No, I'll have a word on her. 721 00:33:43,333 --> 00:33:45,833 Just-- don't go too hard on her, eh? 722 00:33:45,933 --> 00:33:47,333 She seems a bit lonely. 723 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:05,000 - What? - I said "nice one." 724 00:34:05,100 --> 00:34:06,100 On the engagement. 725 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,133 Yeah, put it there, mate. 726 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,667 Can I have a-- 727 00:34:16,767 --> 00:34:18,467 Headache, eh? 728 00:34:18,567 --> 00:34:19,667 All the excitement. 729 00:34:19,767 --> 00:34:20,600 No, I meant-- 730 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,367 Is it all right if I use your toilet? 731 00:34:30,467 --> 00:34:31,500 Normally no. 732 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,967 But seeing as today's your special day, go on. 733 00:34:34,067 --> 00:34:35,067 Here you are. 734 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:39,467 Just don't leave a mass. 735 00:34:49,333 --> 00:34:52,000 You don't know what it's like up here. 736 00:34:52,100 --> 00:34:54,633 The fucking grind, day after day. 737 00:34:54,733 --> 00:34:57,167 It's never ending. 738 00:34:57,267 --> 00:34:58,600 I actually envy you. 739 00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:02,567 Is that bad? 740 00:35:07,633 --> 00:35:10,900 It's not bad. 741 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,000 Fucking stupid, though. 742 00:35:15,833 --> 00:35:18,067 Recommended does, two. 743 00:35:18,167 --> 00:35:20,200 Fuck you, recommended dose. 744 00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:29,967 Fuck. 745 00:35:30,067 --> 00:35:31,067 No! 746 00:35:38,100 --> 00:35:41,533 [sobbing] 747 00:36:11,167 --> 00:36:12,700 So, you've come to gloat, then? 748 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:13,667 Nah. 749 00:36:13,767 --> 00:36:15,433 Not my style, to be honest. 750 00:36:15,533 --> 00:36:18,500 Totally your style. 751 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,633 Don't fuck this up. 752 00:36:20,733 --> 00:36:21,900 He lied to me. 753 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,200 He worships you. 754 00:36:25,667 --> 00:36:28,000 I saw his face, Kel, when you broke the news. 755 00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:30,233 Poor bastard didn't have a clue. 756 00:36:30,333 --> 00:36:32,300 He thought they were dead too, you know. 757 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:33,567 Why are you sticking up for him? 758 00:36:38,633 --> 00:36:40,100 Because I love you. 759 00:36:46,967 --> 00:36:50,433 Fuck's sake. 760 00:36:50,533 --> 00:36:51,767 We can try again. 761 00:36:51,867 --> 00:36:54,267 You don't want that. 762 00:36:54,367 --> 00:37:00,833 You want to get fucked up and ruin everything. 763 00:37:00,933 --> 00:37:02,033 Like you always do. 764 00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:07,700 I thought you'd change, you know? 765 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:08,600 Because of Marty. 766 00:37:08,700 --> 00:37:11,000 I have. 767 00:37:11,100 --> 00:37:12,733 Bollocks. 768 00:37:12,833 --> 00:37:15,167 No, I have. 769 00:37:15,267 --> 00:37:16,667 Tell you what, fuck it. 770 00:37:16,767 --> 00:37:18,167 Let's do it. 771 00:37:18,267 --> 00:37:21,033 Right here, next to the old memorial tree. 772 00:37:21,133 --> 00:37:23,600 That'll show everyone, won't it? 773 00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:26,233 All right. 774 00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:27,767 You've made your point. 775 00:37:31,367 --> 00:37:33,433 Good. 776 00:37:33,533 --> 00:37:35,067 Won't say no to a handjob, though. 777 00:37:47,433 --> 00:37:49,033 One in a million, your mam. 778 00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:53,100 One in a million. 779 00:38:00,100 --> 00:38:01,467 Hey, are you OK? 780 00:38:01,567 --> 00:38:03,500 I was just going to take all the paracetamol at once. 781 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:04,300 Overdose. 782 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:05,733 Just finish it here and now. 783 00:38:05,833 --> 00:38:08,067 But I Dropped them down the toilet. 784 00:38:08,167 --> 00:38:09,867 Clumsy twat, butterfingers! 785 00:38:09,967 --> 00:38:11,033 Wait. 786 00:38:11,133 --> 00:38:12,633 I was going to walk in on your body? 787 00:38:12,733 --> 00:38:13,867 Selfish twat, more like. 788 00:38:13,967 --> 00:38:15,367 You know why I used to burn things? 789 00:38:15,467 --> 00:38:17,033 Because I wanted some measure of control. 790 00:38:17,133 --> 00:38:18,900 You know, to be responsible. 791 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,333 But I was wrong, because the world 792 00:38:20,433 --> 00:38:24,067 is chaotic and unpredictable and stupid. 793 00:38:24,167 --> 00:38:26,700 And that's why it's beautiful. 794 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,067 All right, all right. 795 00:38:28,167 --> 00:38:29,867 And when I saw the postie get hit by the milk van, 796 00:38:29,967 --> 00:38:31,333 I thought-- 797 00:38:31,433 --> 00:38:33,733 I thought it was a sign for me to move things forward, 798 00:38:33,833 --> 00:38:34,800 to make the most of time. 799 00:38:34,900 --> 00:38:36,033 But it wasn't. 800 00:38:36,133 --> 00:38:39,567 It was a sign to embrace the chaos. 801 00:38:39,667 --> 00:38:41,467 Mate, I'm pretty sure it was neither. 802 00:38:41,567 --> 00:38:44,900 Just one poor bastard getting hit by another poor bastard. 803 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,133 You know what? 804 00:38:47,233 --> 00:38:48,467 You're probably right. 805 00:38:54,033 --> 00:38:59,500 Marty, you still owe us for the paracetamol. 806 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,500 Wait. 807 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,433 Fuck it. 808 00:39:01,533 --> 00:39:02,933 Fuck it. 809 00:39:03,033 --> 00:39:05,500 Wedding present. 810 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,067 On the house. 811 00:39:25,533 --> 00:39:29,400 Listen, Marty-- 812 00:39:32,533 --> 00:39:35,033 Give me your hand. 813 00:39:35,133 --> 00:39:38,500 I am not letting you get away from me. 814 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:39,767 I love you, Kelly. 815 00:39:39,867 --> 00:39:42,567 And you love me. 816 00:39:42,667 --> 00:39:45,967 And that's why your bags are packed? 817 00:39:46,067 --> 00:39:49,000 That's why you're going, right? 818 00:39:49,100 --> 00:39:51,333 My son could still be alive. 819 00:39:51,433 --> 00:39:54,567 I have to find out what happened. 820 00:39:54,667 --> 00:39:56,200 Wrong finger. 821 00:39:56,300 --> 00:39:58,600 What? 822 00:39:58,700 --> 00:40:01,033 Engagement ring, you put it on my right finger. 823 00:40:01,133 --> 00:40:03,300 Right is wrong. 824 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,533 Bollocks. 825 00:40:04,633 --> 00:40:06,667 And we've got the engagement party. 826 00:40:06,767 --> 00:40:07,567 I'll be back. 827 00:40:07,667 --> 00:40:09,100 Just wait one more day. 828 00:40:15,233 --> 00:40:17,300 I don't want you to go, Marty. 829 00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:21,567 I was so scared-- 830 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:26,700 scared of being hurt by you. 831 00:40:30,867 --> 00:40:33,833 But I want it. 832 00:40:33,933 --> 00:40:36,200 To be hurt, to be happy, to be-- 833 00:40:36,300 --> 00:40:37,333 To be everything with you. 834 00:40:41,233 --> 00:40:42,033 I'll be back. 835 00:40:42,133 --> 00:40:43,133 You know that, right? 836 00:40:46,533 --> 00:40:47,833 It's a promise. 837 00:40:47,933 --> 00:40:49,000 I'll be back. 838 00:41:09,433 --> 00:41:11,567 A little early for Halloween. 839 00:41:11,667 --> 00:41:13,233 I'm taking you to your engagement party. 840 00:41:13,333 --> 00:41:15,133 Yeah, that's not going to happen. 841 00:41:15,233 --> 00:41:17,700 If you think I'm going in there alone. 842 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,167 [screaming] 843 00:41:23,367 --> 00:41:26,367 That is what your self-pity sounds like to me. 844 00:41:26,467 --> 00:41:30,767 Honest to God, that boy Marty loves you, and you love him. 845 00:41:30,867 --> 00:41:33,367 And everyone round here knows he would shift heaven 846 00:41:33,467 --> 00:41:35,367 and earth to come back to you. 847 00:41:35,467 --> 00:41:38,000 And if that is not a cause for celebration, 848 00:41:38,100 --> 00:41:40,000 I don't know what is. 849 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,433 Don't let me get too drunk, eh? 850 00:42:01,067 --> 00:42:02,067 Thank Christ. 851 00:42:02,167 --> 00:42:04,300 The thought of missing a free bar. 852 00:42:10,567 --> 00:42:12,333 I don't understand. 853 00:42:12,433 --> 00:42:15,267 I've got the gift, I've got the warning, 854 00:42:15,367 --> 00:42:18,833 but poor Kelly and Marty still got heart-broken. 855 00:42:18,933 --> 00:42:20,267 It weren't for them, you daft cow. 856 00:42:20,367 --> 00:42:22,133 It was for the other couple. 857 00:42:22,233 --> 00:42:23,467 You were meant to save them. 858 00:42:23,567 --> 00:42:24,567 What, the black ones? 859 00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:27,033 The good-looking fellow and his wife. 860 00:42:27,133 --> 00:42:29,600 No, Frank and Patty aren't a couple. 861 00:42:29,700 --> 00:42:31,467 They just share a house. 862 00:42:31,567 --> 00:42:33,700 You silly dog. 863 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,300 You stupid cow. 864 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,400 See you next year, love. 865 00:42:39,500 --> 00:42:43,733 MARTY (VOICEOVER): Depressing thought number 265, 866 00:42:43,833 --> 00:42:46,233 you might wait all your life for that special person, 867 00:42:46,333 --> 00:42:50,233 but even if you do manage to find them, 868 00:42:50,333 --> 00:42:52,267 they might be waiting for someone else. 869 00:42:55,133 --> 00:43:00,133 266, good times don't last forever. 870 00:43:00,233 --> 00:43:01,767 Friends don't stick around. 871 00:43:09,133 --> 00:43:11,700 At the end of the day, you're in this alone. 872 00:43:16,933 --> 00:43:18,333 It's over. 873 00:43:18,433 --> 00:43:19,667 Don't worry. 874 00:43:19,767 --> 00:43:22,100 I told you, we just need to be more careful, that's all. 875 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,267 No, Jamie. 876 00:43:24,367 --> 00:43:25,367 It's over. 877 00:43:25,467 --> 00:43:29,033 I thought I was hating what I'd become, but no. 878 00:43:29,133 --> 00:43:31,533 It's like they say. 879 00:43:31,633 --> 00:43:33,500 It's not me, it's you. 880 00:43:40,700 --> 00:43:42,867 MARTY (VOICEOVER): You've been betrayed. 881 00:43:42,967 --> 00:43:47,933 Knife in the back from those you thought you could trust. 882 00:43:48,033 --> 00:43:51,433 [MUSIC - ROLLING STONES, "WINTER"] 883 00:43:59,033 --> 00:44:05,500 Depressing thought number 267, everything you know is wrong. 884 00:44:08,633 --> 00:44:11,300 But you know what? 885 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,100 Fuck them. 886 00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:16,500 Fuck all those bad thoughts. 887 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:21,267 Because this-- this is happy thought number one. 888 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:25,667 I will be back. 889 00:44:29,567 --> 00:44:35,200 Sometimes I want to wrap my coat around you. 890 00:44:52,067 --> 00:44:56,100 [theme music] 891 00:45:32,733 --> 00:45:36,367 OK, let's get the boundaries set once and for all. 892 00:45:36,467 --> 00:45:39,667 Things you can and cannot say about my mam. 893 00:45:39,767 --> 00:45:42,733 She's got a nice smile. 894 00:45:42,833 --> 00:45:44,067 Ah! 895 00:45:44,167 --> 00:45:47,167 Seriously, her smile? 896 00:45:47,267 --> 00:45:49,200 She's got nice eyes. 897 00:45:49,300 --> 00:45:50,333 Ah! 898 00:45:50,433 --> 00:45:52,567 Freaking heck, it's like I can't say anything. 899 00:45:52,667 --> 00:45:53,900 Good. 900 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,267 Now we're clear. 901 00:45:55,367 --> 00:45:57,800 And you're not going to hit me? 902 00:46:04,767 --> 00:46:06,067 Ah! 903 00:46:06,167 --> 00:46:07,267 It's your face. 904 00:46:07,367 --> 00:46:09,033 I can't fucking help it. 905 00:46:09,133 --> 00:46:11,400 Just leave me alone.