Monica.
Who's Monica?
Mom.
Mom?
She looks absolutely beautiful.
I miss her.
Marry me.
You know I've got a boyfriend.
Two grands worth of debt and still mounting up.
Where is it?
We have got bailiffs front and back 'cause of you.
You know what your name is, Frank?
Dead Man Walking.
Mr. Wilson, Housing officer.
Don't think you'll get away with that one
because I'll haunt you for ever last penny, madam.
He's about as much help to us you've been.
We'd have been better off without both of you.
Over to you, Mom.
Your house.
Drive.
FRANK: Now, nobody's saying that Chatsworth
Estate is a Garden of Eden.
But it's been a good home to us, to me, Frank Gallagher,
and me kids, who I'm proud of, 'cause every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
They can think for themselves, they've me to thank for.
Run!
Run for it!
Fiona, who's a massive help.
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him
Phillip anymore.
Ian, a lot like his mom, which is handy for the others
because she's disappeared into thin air.
And Carl.
We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.
One, it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah.
To nits love him.
Debbie!
Sent by God.
Total angel.
You've to check your change, but she'll go miles out
of the way to do you a favor.
Plus Liam!
Gonna be a star once we've got the fits under control.
Steve, Fiona's boyfriend.
The truth is out there.
Not.
Fantastic neighbors Kev and Veronica.
Lend you anythin-- well, not anything.
But all of them, to a man, know first
and foremost, one of the most vital necessities in this life
is they know how to throw a party!
Heh, heh, heh.
Scatter!
CARL: [wailing]
FRANK (VOICEOVER): I've dreamt about lesbians for as long
as I can remember.
But I bet I'm the only bloke who, when his best wish gets
granted, has to cope with the fact
that the only lezzer he'll ever get his hands on
is his ex-wife.
Not only is she not in the sack with Olivia Newton-John,
she's picked an oppo who's bigger than I am,
stronger than I am, and earns more than I ever could.
CARL: Mom, come and make the breakfast.
Jesus!
Oh my God!
You all right, Norm?
No.
Summat just moved.
God, it is!
It's a bloody rat!
Don't be daft.
It'll be the wind.
[squeaking]
So what's this?
A far in a fur?
DEBBIE: Mom, we're gonna be late for school!
You cannot treat backwards, Monica.
You don't belong here.
FRANK (VOICEOVER): The day I married Monica was
the happiest day of my life.
The day she left me looking after six kids,
I thought, right, fuck her.
The day she reappears after three years in the cold,
I just thought, absolutely.
Go on, Frank.
Fuck her.
You spent the last three years burying all this.
There you go, love.
Oh, I can't eat eggs.
I'm allergic.
They're Carl's.
Carl, your tits are ready!
You never used to be allergic to eggs.
Started a few years back.
I almost died, didn't I?
Your mom's trying to have a conversation here.
Yeah, and we can do our own breakfast.
If you want privacy, go back in the van.
It stinks to high heaven.
Never used to.
I've just had to kill a rat that size.
Haven't I, Mon?
Yeah.
What size?
What color?
Well, who in their right mind keeps a rat as a pet?
Pack up.
We're going back to Moston.
It's like Village of the Damned".
They've nobody else to look after them.
Never bothered you before.
Well, Fiona was here before.
I'm not asking for a court report, Veronica.
Did she or did she not get the school uniforms sorted out?
Yes, she definitely did 'cause Ian
nipped round me today's milk.
I just want to make sure Monica
hasn't abandoned the kids before they
get the chance to kill her.
It was all kosher when I popped round earlier.
Even Carl's?
'Cause if he forgets his tie one more time, they'll suspend him.
Do you mind?
I'm trying to have a life here.
Fine.
I'll go around and check in three minutes.
Make sure the kids have all got my number
and enough cash to ring me if they get any shit
from the lesbians, yeah?
Do you want me to tip round and do the bleeding
washing up while I'm at it? - I'm being serious, Kev.
And I'm being brief.
Ring us back in half an hour or so.
What are they like? - Be quick.
I wanna check Carl's got his tie.
All right.
Hang on. That's it.
Oh, Kev!
Have a good prick.
[banging]
[whirring]
FRANK (SINGING): Sunshine on a rainy day.
Hey, you're right.
It fits.
I said it would a month ago when you said you
wouldn't be seen dead in it.
What, can't you take a joke?
Listen, I'm going to get a paper.
Owt you want?
Yeah.
Get us enough for an overdose.
Tell the chemist I'll pay him later.
Joke!
Just practicing.
Hey, and a good one.
See you later.
I usually get a kiss.
[imaginary birds squawking]
FRANK: Kev, see if anyone's looking for us.
Michael, watch.
Watch.
[beeping]
Two bailiffs, 6 o'clock.
Is that front or back?
Back.
Back, so be sharp.
And watch out for Wilson.
It's the shirt I'm feeling sorry for.
It's not my fault he's getting a stiffy for his ex.
Best not be, either.
Eugene!
Eugene, come here!
Michael.
Over.
Monica?
Frank wants to see you.
Don't go dribbling on that.
You're not keeping it.
Not you!
Where's Monica?
Two reasons why Monica will never make it home.
Size doesn't matter, and it's just a blister.
It'll fit.
Day we wed, it was till death do us part.
If that's a threat, Frank--
No, It's just a promise that she made me on our wedding day.
Are these dead, fellas?
Here, chick.
Fetch us a couple of bevvies.
And whatever Worzel's having.
Pint of Dog, cheese and onion pie, and some more nuts,
she's playing.
More nuts?
In your dreams, daddio.
That's a good one.
Is he allowed all this?
Frank thinks I owe him big style,
so he can have what he wants.
In And a couple of Es.
Two years ago, we rescued a woman and her kids
from a total psycho.
Not fucking interested.
She'd have been dead now if we hadn't have killed her.
Because of him, she owed thousands,
and she walked away without so much as a paper bill.
All we needed was one official agency to list her as dead.
Within a week, it all went as quiet as a mouse for her.
No debts, no bailiffs, no hassle, just like that.
Imagine that, Frank.
You pretend to be dead, but your debts die for real.
Actually, Sheila, we've had complaints
about noise from the neighbors.
You having a bit of trouble?
Frank's ex coming round, shouting the odds.
They haven't seen each other for a bit, so they'd a lot to say,
as it happens.
You and Fiona, you're as mad as each other.
You're gonna spend the rest of your lives
cleaning up after Frank. Is he worth that?
I'd give my right arm to spend the rest of my life
cleaning up after Frank.
Have you met Monica?
No.
Cracking on, she's a lesbian.
I saw the way she looked at him.
Fiona's mom's a lesbian?
Not for long, she's not.
You watch.
Hey, hey.
Here.
Look, honestly, Sheila, I can't see
anybody fighting over Frank.
I would if I could.
She's got her feet back under the table round at Fiona's.
Except it's not Fiona's anymore because she's forced her out.
- Fiona's gone? - No choice.
She's got to live.
Where's-- where's she gone?
- Oh my God! - What?
Oh my God!
What the fuck have you done to her?
- Tissue! - It's there!
It's in your hand, Sheila!
I know!
I've wiped me eyes!
Chilies!
Cooking with chilies!
Jesus, I can't see!
Bring her to the sink!
Here, let's have a look.
Don't you touch her!
Not if you've had hold of the tea towel!
I'm blind!
Yeah, this way.
Sheila, this way.
Rest on the wall.
Come into the kitchen.
Sheila!
[crashing]
Sheila, come this way.
Here, slab this over your fa--
[shrieking hysterically]
Over here, Sheila!
Oh my God!
Where am I now?
At home.
Chatsworth Estate.
Where am I standing?
Garden.
[whimpering]
I did it.
I went outside.
Where's Fiona gone?
Five years.
She's gone to live round--
Steve's.
Oh my God, catch me.
I think I'm going to faint.
No, you're fine, Mrs. Jackson.
I know.
[thudding]
Well, how long?
How's it work, then?
Couple of teams of girls who've done it for years.
A Team deals with deaths and overseas.
B Team specializes in domestic maneuvers.
Helping like-minded chicks do a runner.
Yeah, money, accommodation, et cetera.
So which one are you?
Well, you have to have military training
for the A Team.
We're B.
So you helped Monica leave me?
No, that was Cindy, I think?
The two Juliets.
Oh.
So you knew you were a lezzer before you fucked off?
She's always been a chick, Frank,
so don't build your hopes up.
She can't even look at a penis without gagging.
So what would I have to do if it went along with all this?
The least, which is lucky.
He thinks he stands a chance.
And he won't listen to me.
Well, don't apologize for-- what, Stan, yeah?
I mean, everybody's entitled to give it their best shot.
You can't-- can't hate him for it.
Well, what's he doing sniffing round Chatsworth for a love
life if he can get it anywhere?
Think about what you've just said and phone me to apologize
when you worked it out, Tony.
No, I'm not saying that.
You are fucking saying.
I'm not good enough for him?
No, no, no!
Well, OK, maybe it came out wrong,
but you think about what I said, Fiona.
A middle-class bloke, money, a fucking house this size.
Come on.
You don't meet people like that.
People like you do not meet people like that.
Oh, yeah, and Steve loves Chatsworth so much, he
asked you to move in here.
No, he didn't.
It was my idea.
For your information, he thinks coming here is a mistake.
For?
Me.
The kids.
I have left them with my mom and her girlfriend,
neither of them capable of running that house.
And it's the kids that are suffering again.
And I agree with him.
It is Steve saying that.
It's him talking me around.
He spends more time at ours than he does here.
Half the chance, he would move in permanently.
What?
That's the whole fucking point!
How's that normal?
A 25-year-old bloke.
He buys stuff like this.
Oh, no, he'd rather stay on a council estate
with his girlfriend and five suffering kids--
none of them hers.
You make it sound like a bloody pigsty.
That's what it would look like to someone like him.
Eh?
How could it not?
Think.
STEVE: Sorry, helmet, time's up, mate.
Fiona, the kids just rang.
They need us round at yours now.
I'm going.
Think about what I said, Fiona.
Right.
Go, Stan.
Didn't I say I can often surprise myself?
Didn't I?
I'm not in the fucking mood, Stan.
Drive or get out.
I'm not in the fucking mood, either.
So just calm down.
Wing mirror.
Blue car. His?
Yeah?
So?
He doesn't have to pay for it.
His work does.
It's nicked.
The VIN number on the glasswork doesn't match the reg plate.
How do you know?
He went in the boot for the rack.
He had a number of plates there.
Not the current one.
Not the original one, either.
Hey, again, Mr. Premature Ejaculation.
Buckle up. We've got work to do.
Yeah, We nick him.
We will.
But if we nick him for more than,
then we're looking at a longer-term sentence, not
a holiday camp.
Get me?
What's going on?
Your dad's got news for you.
FRANK: I'm dying, apparently.
FIONA: You what?
Yeah, Steven, with a V. McBride.
62 Whalley Lane, Manchester, M142KM.
It's not good news, but don't blame me.
Eviction notice.
They want you out.
They mean it.
They've had enough of your dad--
not so much the deviance as the lies.
Well, they'll love the next bit.
You best come in, Mr. Wilson.
Sweet Jesus, no!
Both wrists.
And a bottle of tablets.
I blame myself.
So do I.
We all do.
I'm off to work.
Work?
Surely not?
I fucking hated him.
And I need the money.
Are you OK, Mr. Wilson?
It was never the best job in the world,
but it was never as bad as this, not by a long chalk.
Do you mind if I--
Please do.
He would appreciate it if you paid your respects.
Dear Lord, help us house the tenants we could.
Show compassion and mercy whenever we should.
Lord, give us strength when foresight
is needed to nail the ones we know who have cheated.
Dear Lord, let not this trickiest job make us grand
or smug or proud or snobs.
Something written for me by my wife to help me
get through the job.
She died last summer.
So I know what you're all going through.
So she'll be with me dad?
No, she'll be over the other side.
Probably.
[funeral bells chiming]
Dead?
How?
Woman over there says heart attack.
Fucking hell.
Poor Frank.
No.
There's summat not right about this.
Dad!
Fuck off!
If he'd gone another verse, I'd have croaked.
Get back in the coffin!
No, you're freaking me out.
I'm having flashbacks to me mom.
FIONA: Come on!
She's taking the piss.
She's just trying to show me up in front of you.
You don't need helpers, Frank.
Frank, if the creditors catch up with you,
you're dead, anyway. Get in the coffin.
Your parents must've got a clue.
You know, dropping the L from "normal."
Oh, Frank, I never borrowed any money I couldn't pay back.
- You're a sad bitch! - Dad, get in!
Dad!
In you box.
Just look at all of you, eh?
Where's the L word?
It's loyalty.
Doing want you're by this twisted, rug-chomping fucking
chimp!
It's the bailiffs!
They got papers.
If it's a warrant, we're in trouble.
Frank, get in the coffin.
- Shh! - Quick!
Quick!
Get him in!
[knocking]
You piece of shit!
Too late to apologize for that, love.
We were only doing our jobs right.
And we feel bad enough about it, so we leave this for you.
DEBBIE: To keep?
He was a good bloke, your dad.
We meet a lot like him.
They don't mean any harm.
They always think they can pay it back.
Boo!
You're not dead!
Get up now, you fuck!
Michael, cut it out!
Two and a half grand and counting!
Plus the car one of you nicked! - Michael.
Michael!
This is really, really sick.
Hey.
Hey, no.
Look.
I'm-- I thought he was--
I thought you were--
shit!
DEBBIE: Sheila!
Come out and help me!
Help!
Debbie!
She-- Sheila!
Debbie!
DEBBIE: Sheila, help me!
Debbie!
DEBBIE: Come on, Sheila!
Now!
Sheila--
[gagging]
Get off her, you bastards!
Get off her!
Debbie!
Leave her alone!
Sheila, you did it!
Sheila, it worked!
The plan worked!
I did it!
I did it.
[music playing]
[sobbing]
He's dead!
And he's not coming back!
I'd love to know what people thought about me when I'm dead.
You wouldn't if you were Frank.
There's Wilson.
Family only.
Definitely not you.
Not tonight!
I'm sorry.
There's a gazebo and a dartboard round the back
for any punters not having invitations.
Frank Gallagher was a deeply-valued and respected
member of this community.
[laughter]
He was a good friend and neighbor,
and he'll be sorely missed.
He once told me in private that if he ever
died unexpectedly that the one thing he'd like
said as his wake was this.
[cheering]
[MUSIC - BILL MEDLEY AND JENNIFER WARNES, "(I'VE HAD)
THE TIME OF MY LIFE"]
I'm alive!
Are you there, Martin?
Rangled up good.
Who the fuck would bury anyone in a white suit?
Whose idea was that?
Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be a party!
When you're ready.
IAN: Is it OK if I shoot off in a sec?
Who you meeting?
No, you've shown your face.
Well done.
Once I've slung this down, I'm off.
I thought the woman across the road was looking after Liam.
- Only till 9:00. - All right.
I'll come with you. - No, you stay.
You're not used to a lock-in.
You'll love it.
So you came home to collect Liam.
Liam's in bed.
I see Liam sleeps with the lights blazing.
All the upstairs lights are off.
Have I done something wrong?
No, not-- five nights out of seven, Liam ends up in my bed.
And that doesn't bother you?
- Not if I'm honest. - It wasn't the question.
The night you met me, why didn't you take me back to your house?
Because yours was nearer.
And because I don't like mine.
Sometimes, Stevie, I can't tell whether it's me you're
interested in or my family.
What's that suppose to mean?
Well, it's obvious we need all the help
we can get, so how can we be good for you?
[MUSIC - "GREEN, GREEN GRASS OF HOME"]
(SINGING) The old home town looks the same, Kev.
As I step down from the train.
[banging]
--meet me is my mama and my papa.
Who'd have thought I'd stop here?
(SINGING) Down the road--
Where's Steve?
He shot off a while back.
With our Fiona.
FRANK (SINGING): Hair gold and tits like cherries,
it's good to touch--
Wait here.
FRANK (SINGING): --the green, green grass of home.
Yes, they'll all come to meet me-- come here, sunshine.
Do you want a drink, Stan?
I can't.
I'm on overtime.
Settle for a soda and a couple of Es for later?
Yeah, great.
If I'm not in anybody's way.
Sheila.
I know.
If I look to the left or right, this could be a nightmare.
But I don't have to.
There you are.
I'm absolutely fine.
If I faint, don't shift us.
I'll be right as rain in a few minutes.
You allowed a drink, Sheila?
Vodka and tonic for me.
Rum and black for Debbie.
Thanks, sweetheart.
DEBBIE: Just the black, and a straw, please.
Everybody looks 10 years older.
I feel like Woody Allen.
You look fantastic, Sheila.
Actually, it's less disorientating
if I look at Monica.
She's wearing an outfit I had on when I last went out.
[laughter]
Fucking bitch.
Are you sure you should be doing this?
I'm absolutely sure.
I need a kiss.
I mean, you don't want to be overdoing it, do you, now.
You feel a lot safer at home.
I feel alive again, Frank.
And I've got a little surprise for you.
I'm pregnant.
[cheering]
MAN: Well done, Frank.
Can I babysit, Dad?
Hey, Frank.
You're officially dead.
I am now.
Yes, I like your family.
I love being here, 'cause every time I turn up, I--
I feel more welcome, more satisfied, and treated better
than any place I've ever turned up in my life.
And do you-- do you know why that is, Fiona?
I'm here because you're here.
I'm here for you.
What do you want?
Do you want somebody who-- who doesn't like where you live?
Do you want somebody who wants the total opposite?
No.
Then I don't understand what I've done wrong!
Nothing.
Honestly, nothing.
I've been dumped on so many times.
Bloody Mom, bloody Dad.
And you are so generous.
With other people's money.
I'm not talking about money.
The way you are with the kids.
The time you spend with them.
They love having you around.
Well, you see, this is where I'm
confused, because generally, I think I'm quite a decent bloke.
Plus, someday soon, I really want
to have a family of my own.
I do, too.
I hadn't banked on one this big, but I do, too.
Ooh.
I definitely wouldn't do that, Fiona.
BMW 3 Series, registration Y586 BCY.
Or the Shogun from Leeds.
No?
How about the black Merc from Didsbury?
These are accusations.
I'm saying nothing until I get a lawyer.
Fine.
Say nothing.
We know what nothing means.
He's a thief.
He's just a ringer.
That's all we've got here.
And that's where the money's coming from.
Don't listen to a word of this.
It's all bollocks.
I want a lawyer. - See?
It's not, "What Merc?" or, "What Beamer?"
Just, "I want a lawyer."
It's the surest sign you're right.
How come you're on your own, Tony?
It's a favor.
For?
The last thing I want is embarrassment for you.
Are you nicking him or not?
I'll leave that up to you.
Oh, go on.
No, I'm saying--
What, Tony?
What?
You let him go and he can scamper,
and I'm lumbered with paying back favors to you?
Fuck off.
I told you months back that you weren't my type.
What do you do?
Blackmail. - No, it's not.
Bloody is, mate.
You've told him no, but he's still here.
Only because I love him.
A bloody car thief?
That's not all he is.
Steven McBride, I am arresting you--
FIONA: Oh, no, Tony! TONY: --on suspicion of theft.
FIONA: No!
TONY: You do not have to say anything,
but it may harm your defense if you do not--
FIONA: Please, Tony, stop!
[sirens blaring]
Now, how come it's always people like you
always get their own way, eh?
You blew that, mate, not me.
I am not your mate!
If I take you in, she won't talk to me again, will she?
No.
What have you got I haven't?
I just got there before you, Tony.
I promised that I'd never let anybody do that again.
Look, can I smoke?
Do you want to help me out here?
Could You'll get five years for this.
You ever driven a 3 and 1/2 liter?
No.
Give it a try.
Take it for a spin.
Yeah, right.
How to keep Tony quiet?
Buy him off.
You fuck right off.
I've got principles.
Yeah, so have I. I've never committed
a single violent crime in my life.
I've never hurt anyone.
I've never burgled anyone.
I don't need to.
It's-- it's a compulsion.
I just like driving other people's cars.
Especially when I know they're fully comp.
Just imagine it.
You're nipping out for a pine of milk--
something as-- as mundane, something
as ordinary and boring as that.
You wouldn't believe how sexy that is.
Is it just because it's not your car?
Precisely that.
And I swear that one is completely untraceable.
Where would I say got it?
You bought it from me in good faith.
You give me a check for 15,000 pounds.
I'll give you 15 grand back in cash.
[music playing]
Mom, can I have some egg?
Mom!
Mom! how I don't like me egg.
I want my toast circular, Mom.
Come on, Mom! - Mom!
Mom!
[chorus of competing voices]
Mom, what about my chips?
Mom, I need a letter for games tomorrow.
Will you take me to the claim tomorrow?
Mom, there's no ketchup!
ALL: [shouting]
Liam!
He's still at the nursery!
DEBBIE: Yeah, and it closes at 5:00.
Oh my God.
Oh, Mom.
At least she came back.
She didn't come back.
She were forced.
She's only here 'cause she can't leave.
Right.
Hands up.
Who believes her when she says she had
no idea where we were living?
Time for you to go, Mom.
If I had a clairvoyant tell me last week I'd be doing this
now, I think I'd have hit her.
[doorbell]
I'll get that!
Fiona, how are you?
Sheila, that was fantastic.
And is the other bit true?
Nurse came this morning with the dates for the antenatal.
I did it!
Oh, congratulations!
Oh.
Give us them flowers, you.
I was going to ask if you wanted anything from the supermarket.
But you fancy coming along?
Oh my gosh, Frank.
I can do me own shopping.
Good.
Eh, don't go mad, though.
Oh, give over.
I'm loaded.
I spent next to nothing the last five years.
Ooh!
Maternity clothes.
I love them.
Bereavement cards from people who took it seriously.
"Good luck, kids.
One man's loss can be a gain for many."
Victor.
I'll twat him when I see him.
Well, you won't have to if he thinks you're dead.
And a death benefit certificate for 25 pounds.
It'll work towards the funeral.
Oh, that's sweet.
It's in my name.
Aw, but I'll sign it over to you.
You might as well have it if it's the last giro you'll see.
What are you on No
Well, you can't claim if you're dead, Dad.
SHEILA: Oh, don't be gormless, Frank.
Even I've worked that one out.
The devious fucking bitch!
What?
Fucking lezzers have done this,
haven't they, to get out of paying maintenance.
Don't get worked up about all that stuff.
I claim more than enough for all three of us.
No, Mom and Norma have settled for 100, in cash,
up front, every week to me. - Oh!
Says who?
Mom and Norma.
Frank!
[MUSIC - "YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY YOU LOVE ME"]
ALL (SINGING): I will find you there.
You don't have to say you love me.
Just be close at hand.
You don't have to stay forever.
I will understand.
Believe--
You stitched me up, you bitch.
You whores of Satan!
Where's my money, you?
Oh, calm down, Frank.
Everybody got what they wanted.
Nobody stitched anybody.
I can't even claim basic.
Basic!
Well, you should never have been allowed
to in the first place since none of your kids actually
saw the money.
Well, they never saw any from her, did they?
ALL: She was in recovery!
Fuck off!
You stitched me. - Oy!
Oy!
That is it!
That's enough in there.
No, don't patronize me.
Frank's a pussy, aren't you?
Meow, meow.
Say a prayer!
Look out!
Frank! You tosser!
What have you done?
We're not having that, you dickhead.
Yeah.
Well?
And?
OK?
OK, come on.
You fuck like a bloke.
Come on.
Fight like one.
[screaming]
Do you guys want a beer?
That's three beers, please, Veronica.
You're showing off.
Which one's yours?
It's the one at the end next to the derelict house.
STEVE: Hiya, Sheila.
Hiya, Steve!
Hiya, Kev!
How are you?
Oh!
State of me.
Hiya, gorgeous.
SHEILA: Credit card expired in 2000, so we had to cash,
didn't we?
I loved it!
Sheila, you look about three months more pregnant
than the last time I saw you.
It's a cushion.
Is it?
I'm testing my smocks.
What do you think?
God, your shoes are top, Sheila.
We got lagers here.
We're just having a break, Fiona.
Fixing Steve's boiler.
Yeah.
Fucking slave driver or what?
Oy.
Let it be and give us a hand with the bags.
Here you are.
Thanks.
Come on.
[music playing]
And you can pack that in for a start.
What?
Fixing Steve's boiler?
He hasn't moved in yet, you know.
Yes, I have.
Who asked you?
Well, I took the liberty of bringing some clothes and a bit
of furniture and stuff. - Aww.
FIONA: No, you haven't.
Sorry.
Sorry, you thought I meant your house?
No, you see, I meant ours.
Is he for real?
Yep.
He did a cash deal.
For more than it's worth, if you ask me.
Took a month of hard bargaining.
You weren't meant to find out until it
was all done and dusted.
And that was long before helmet ever got--
hey, speak of the bent little devil.
Hey!
Helmet!
ALL: [whooping]
- Can I look? - Oy!
Hey.
Look, I haven't finished.
What I want to say is, Fiona, from the bottom of my heart,
I love you.
Happy 21st.
[blubbering]
ALL: [cheering]
Can you show me around?
Um, best not.
Yeah, it'll be great in a fortnight.
Kev reckons it'll only cost 500 when you're all through.
That's if you want it.
I can be in charge next door.
Yeah, and we could have with a back lot.
That'd be top.
A couple of hands to do it up, a couple
of hands to take it furnished.
Most of that will come off the insurance claim, though.
What insurance claim?
Whoa!
Fucking hell!
ALL: [whooping and holler]
That'd be your boiler then, Steve?
Sounds like it, Kev.
Wouldn't you know it.
British workmanship.
Woo!
Come here!
FRANK (VOICEOVER): That's why Tony Blair's a no-no.
Forget Iraq.
Never mind pensions.
The only thing that gimp's achieved in eight years
is making lesbians think they own the place
while working-class heroes like me are left propping
the bleeding country up.
Well, fuck him!
Actually, don't.
I bet he'd love it.
[music playing]
You'll have to wait, you dirty boy.
I promised to go and see me mom before she died.
[honking]
That's me taxi!