FRANK GALLAGHER (VOICEOVER): Now, nobody's
saying the Chatsworth Estate is the Garden of Eden,
but it's been a good home to us, to me, Frank Gallagher,
and me kids, who I'm proud of.
Because every single one of them reminds me a little of me.
They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.
Fiona, who's a massive help.
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him
Phillip anymore.
Ian, a lot like his mum, which is handy for the others
cause she's disappeared into thin air.
And Carl.
We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons, one,
it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah.
Two, nits love it.
Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
You've to check your change, but she'll go miles out
of the way to do you a favor.
Plus Liam.
Gonna be a star, once we've got the fits under control.
Steve, Fiona's boyfriend, the truth is out there--
not.
Fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica,
lend you anything-- well, not anything.
But all of them, to a man, know first and foremost one
of the most vital necessities in this life
is they know how to throw a party!
Ha ha ha, scatter!
STEVE MCBRIDE (VOICEOVER): The more time
I spent with this family, the more I
sussed that the linchpins were actually the females.
Fiona, the breadwinner, surrogate mother.
Then Debbie, a born leader in a tribe of males.
Morning, Crumble.
STEVE MCBRIDE (VOICEOVER): Everything she did seemed to be
for the benefit of that family.
She tons of stamina, compassion, and understanding.
But she also had a slightly twisted view of generosity.
She was only ever really happy when she pleased other people.
And one Saturday changed all that.
She emerged from her chrysalis a fully formed butterfly.
It was a day none of us could ever forget,
however hard we tried.
Wow, you're gorgeous girl, aren't you?
[car engine]
[car horn honking]
God's sake.
Oh, sorry.
I thought you were out.
I stayed around Nana's but the water's off.
Hey, Frank? FRANK GALLAGHER: Yeah?
Chuck us that towel?
I don't think so.
I'll make do with a hand towel.
Don't throw it.
All right, well, there you go.
See you.
SHEILA JACKSON: Those cats have been at our bin again.
Sheila, do you want anything from the chemist?
Only if you're passing.
But if he tries palming you off with Seroxin
saying it's the same as Praxil, well it's not.
And this one says 300 milligrams,
so I want 300 milligrams.
Not a shitload of 150s.
[car horn beeps]
Look at that.
Need a lift.
An hour ago, yeah, where is that from?
One careful owner, my dentist.
Your own dentist?
Yeah, well, he robs me, I rob him.
I saw you driving down Princess
Road in this this morning.
I waved.
Well, uh, sorry, mate.
Didn't see you.
It was red then.
[footsteps running upstairs]
Can you hear that?
It's one of the kids.
[footsteps running upstairs]
Can't be.
You watched me unlock the door, Lip's got the only other set.
[bumping]
(WHISPER) Not a chance!
If they're burgling us, he's got to be a nutter.
Shut the fuck up.
[door opens]
[relieved laughter] Standing
State of him!
If you weren't a a mate, Steve, we'd put it round gutless wimp.
STEVE MCBRIDE: Yeah, said the gobbets at the back!
It's better at the back with biceps than upfront
with skid marks.
[laugh]
IAN GALLAGHER: You OK, Debs?
You're not, are you?
I went past Katie Mason's party.
Who's Katie Mason?
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: Just outside, walking past.
And her dad, he--
FIONA GALLAGHER: Her dad did what?
Debbie.
Just take your time, all right?
He was just laughing with them and playing with them.
I couldn't see the faces.
It's not fair.
Hey, hey, what wasn't fair?
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: Everything.
So I nicked something.
You--
ALL: [laughter]
From the party?
Jesus, Debbie!
Me heart nearly stopped then.
LIP GALLAGHER: Give it a rest, Debs, we've all done it.
Well done for owning up, but don't try it again.
Definitely not if confessions are your strong point.
You cheeky monkey.
[baby babbling upstairs]
LIAM GALLAGHER: Who's that, Debbie?
[adorable creepy laughter]
[sirens]
Send in the clowns.
What've we done?
Hey, what's anybody done?
Hey, don't pick on people down there.
Tony Blair!
You want a set to, go and nail that twat!
Who's the parents?
Come on, we need to most fast, who are the parents?
MAN: Here they are, here they are.
OK.
Now listen to me.
No, listen to me.
Faster we get information.
What are you called?
Come on, what are your names?
Jackie and Stewart.
All right Jackie, Stewart.
Believe me, faster we get information,
faster we know what to do.
Now there's a team on the way, and we need precise details.
When did you last see Jody?
STEWART: Half twelve in the garden.
TONY: Age? JACKIE: Three next week.
MAN: Him is an angel, really good angel.
STEWART: Little Jody swept because of
Kid, up the street.
Snatched [fingers snap] Thin air.
God help us.
I'll show you who's best man.
[laugh] Hey, Lip, is it true?
What?
Unlucky in white if you're lying.
LIP GALLAGHER: What?
VERONICA FISHER: My big day.
Bollocks.
Should have married him because he paid off his mortgage
with that disability.
FIONA GALLAGHER: What's your name?
Jody.
FIONA GALLAGHER: Jody!
She was outside the gate.
No one was watching.
Debbie, did she walk up to you and you just spotted her?
And you're happy that we found you while you were looking
for your mum on the street.
And you'd no idea where she belongs,
so you brought her here.
- So that we could help you. - No.
She had a party badge on.
So why did you take her?
She was crying for her mum, where was her mum?
Nobody cared!
They will now.
Fuck's sake, this is all we need.
Are you right in the bloody head?
- Hey. - Oh!
Fiona, calm down, all right.
Kids get lost all the time.
We just-- we take her back.
We'll take her back, and say--
FIONA GALLAGHER: We're going to take you home, aren't we, Jody?
Yeah.
ANDREA: Hey, what's going on?
It's OK, Andrea.
Me and Ian, we're just having a laugh.
Aren't prostitutes shy?
ANDREA: You still doing insurance claims, Lip?
LIP GALLAGHER: What're you after?
ANDREA: I'm thinking high winds, March the 18th.
Aerial goes through the roof--
Lip, for Christ's sake!
ANDREA: --to two floors down.
That's two ceilings, three carpets, and a NICAM telly.
LIP GALLAGHER: Do you know how much the aerial weighs?
ANDREA: No.
- Let's say the chimney went. - Chimney, then.
How much do you charge?
LIP GALLAGHER: Right.
10 for the forms filling in, 20 when the claim's paid,
plus labor for pretend rubble because you
don't actually have a chimney.
POLICE (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Ladies and gentlemen,
please, can I have your attention.
Now, I know emotions are running high.
I appreciate you really want to help, but you
cannot help in this situation.
FRANK GALLAGHER: How many times does this have to happen
before anybody listens?
Eh?
Eh, count the troops!
Count the troops!
If we lived in Chorlton they'd be all over this place
like fucking crabs.
Kiddie missing, one van, one car, six monkeys!
You know, makes you sick!
Not-- they're not pigs themselves,
you know, thingies-- policies.
From the home office, probably, Tony Blair!
Again! Highest rated--
Look at everybody.
We haven't got a clue about any of this, all right?
We just-- we found her walking, all right?
I feel sick.
Look, you get her out, I'll do the talking.
Oh, Fiona!
Steve!
Kiddie, this size, Jody, little Jody.
You haven't passed anybody with a kid at his side?
No, has somebody wandered off, Frank?
No.
Frank spotted a junkie looking over the fence at the party,
about 10 seconds before little Jody disappears into thin air.
Junkie with dreads, the ugly bastards.
Scummy.
Fuck are we doing standing here?
Get him!
Go on, get after him!
Jody!
Where do Jody's parents live, Sheila?
Rennon Street.
I think they're still up there with the police.
FRANK GALLAGHER: The kid was going to be three next week.
He's not even three, Steve.
Look, we'll get in the street and--
he?
FRANK GALLAGHER: I know.
It's bad enough it's a girl, innit, but--
your only son!
I mean, can't you imagine?
STEVE MCBRIDE: All right, look, we'll hit the road
and see what we can see, all right?
All right, good lad.
It's a boy, great!
Get him down. - God be with you.
VERONICA FISHER: No, she's not a virgin.
Because I were there when she lost it.
Bouncer.
Sean Creed.
Plus I were knobbing her every Friday down school baths.
You were?
God, yeah.
Towel room.
We had to do it in the pump house.
Took me years to work out why the smell of bleach
followed me around.
We going up for a kip?
Can't budge.
Do you like me hair this color?
Suits you.
Me neither.
Ooh, well played.
What's the score, Kash?
Two one, I think.
PETE: Give us some baccy and a packet of razors as well, mate.
How's the baby then, Pete?
PETE: God.
Me and Claire have had about 10 hours
kip between us in a fortnight.
I tell you, I'm this close to losing me job, man.
How was it between you and Yvonne?
You know, sex and that?
Pretty ordinary.
No, after the first.
Oh, right, yeah.
A fortnight.
Fuck all in two months, mate!
She won't let me near her.
I'm pulling myself stupid!
Yeah, I can imagine.
You can see why I'm skint as well, cant you?
KASH: I can.
Any the fat cat walks past me one more time with its tail
in the air, it's getting one right up the ring
because I am 10 wanks beyond fussy.
Cheers, mate.
Hey, good luck.
Yeah, I'm going to need it.
[door chimes]
MAN 2: There he is!
MAN 3: Where's the kid?
MAN 4: The kid!
PETE: The baby's at home!
[shouting]
Hey!
Get off him, animals!
MAN 4: Come on let's search his flat!
Let's go!
What's all that about?
Fuck knows.
[doorbell rings]
Kev, door!
[knocking and doorbell ringing]
FIONA GALLAGHER: I'm desperate.
15 minutes, I promise, OK?
We've no biscuits, Liam, but if you
help me rinse this lot off, we can nip to the shop later.
Come up.
[door slams]
FIONA GALLAGHER: Where is she?
Debbie!
[toilet flushing]
Debbie, get out here.
Where's his clothes?
They were covered in chocolate.
She stuck it on a boil wash.
Can you pass us a towel, love?
Right.
What time is it.
Kev's back at work at six.
So I'll get some grub started--
JODY: Why?
Who the fuck are you?
Kev, don't!
Age three to five.
Are you having a laugh?
That looks massive.
Heya, bud.
Wow, what are you looking at?
Is that for your birthday? - No.
When is your birthday?
I'm nearly four.
Yeah, come on, get in.
Happy birthday, mate.
[sirens]
We are now looking for a three-year-old lost
boy with strawberry blond hair.
Got the wig off Suzy.
Who's Suzy?
Dressing Suzy, my hairdressing kit.
TONY: Wearing blue legging, red trunks, trainers,
and a Captain Curtis t-shirt.
And the dress?
World Children's Shop.
TONY: Answering to the name of--
Jody!
Was Jody inside or outside the gates when you grabbed her?
I didn't grab her.
And it's not her!
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: I know.
Inside
TONY: Please contact us immediately, we need your help.
We are now looking for a lost--
IAN GALLAGHER: How did you get him?
Waved some chocolate buttons.
IAN GALLAGHER: Who saw you?
Nobody, we just ran.
Like that's not obvious?
Legging it down the street with a baby?
In a pram.
What pram?
Liam's old one.
I chucked it out.
I fixed it.
For emergencies.
IAN GALLAGHER: What kind of emergencies, Debbie?
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: I don't know.
What did you stick him in a dress for?
I wanted a girl, but none of the girls wanted the chocolate.
[knock on the door]
Fiona!
Who the hell's this?
We're not bloody childminders, you know.
It's still damp, and it still looks brand new to me.
I'm not saying your Debbie's screwy.
What did I say to you last week?
Put all our folks in the knife drawer, and the big spoons
where the little spoons go, deliberately.
I watched her!
She's off her fucking cake sometimes.
Well who's screwy for letting her?
Debbie must have planned this.
VERONICA FISHER: And thanks, friend.
FIONA GALLAGHER: Me?
Yeah, I've had that kid in our house.
I'm involved now.
STEVE MCBRIDE: Look, Debbie's a kid herself, with a problem.
The worst that can happen is she gets some help.
What kind of help?
She nabbed a kid, all right.
If we just leave it, it's going to get must worse--
You mean grass her up?
Lip, you said yourself it was premeditated, yeah?
Whoa, posh lad!
I don't know what help means where you come from,
but if they're not with Debbie, they'll shred her.
Screwy or not, they don't take prisoners around here.
She's not screwy, and she didn't steal him.
She borrowed him accidentally.
STEVE MCBRIDE: Not if she used fucking chocolate
to get him in a pram, Veronica.
LIP GALLAGHER: It's bad.
They'll torch our house.
TONY (OVER LOUDSPEAKER) : --boy, with strawberry blond hair--
No.
TONY (OVER LOUDSPEAKER) : --red trunks, trainers,
and a captain Curtis t-shirt.
FIONA GALLAGHER: And if social services find out dad's
moved in with Sheila, they'll have a field
day splitting this lot up.
You know what happened last time.
IAN GALLAGHER: No!
Next suggestion on a much bigger fucking
postcard, if we all play Steve.
(SHOUTING) Jody!
I can't eat, Sheila.
You should try, sweetheart.
Eh?
If that kid was one of mine, I'd want
that guy's bollocks in a bad.
No two way.
So you we're too lenient with sex offenders, then?
Hey, say what you like about Saddam.
He'd have had that twisted bastard melted down.
Tell Tony Blair, that's how you get my vote.
Pasty-faced git.
Write that down.
Hey, she does Cherie Blair.
Do Cherie Blair.
Do it for us, go on.
(HIGH-PITCH) I'm just a normal wife and mother!
No, she does it better than that, usually.
REPORTER: Frank, you're a father of six.
FRANK GALLAGHER: Well, you'd die for your kids, you know.
They so much as get a temperature, you're there!
You know, saying to God, take me!
Give it to me!
So you drum it into your children to avoid strangers?
FRANK GALLAGHER: I'm sick of saying it!
Spot a nonce, deck him first, go for the eyes, cripple the fuck.
Then find an adult. Will they listen?
REPORTER: I'll try an nip back later, Frank.
Hey, Gallagher!
With a G!
What's all that about?
SHEILA JACKSON: Karen, you missed it all.
It's awful.
Abduction.
Little Jody.
(SHOUTING) Jody!
(GOLLUM VOICE) They've come to take our precious!
No, the precious is ours for all eternity.
It's a girly precious, not a boysy precious.
(GOLLUM VOICE) How can that be, if he's got a penis?
Oh no!
Pack it in, you.
Lip needs you, Carl.
[gollum laughter]
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: I only wanted to cheer him up.
STEVE MCBRIDE: Who wouldn't?
He needed looking after.
FIONA GALLAGHER: Yeah, we know that.
But if it's a bloke or a boy or an adult taking Jody home,
people might think something bad.
Not if you took him.
We can't!
Cause we've already been around there saying we know nothing.
We'd sound like we were telling lies!
You were.
Yeah, for you!
Look, it's just-- it's been three hours since--
Three and a half!
That's a long time, Debbie.
An adult would have phoned somebody by now.
What would I have to say?
Get on your bike.
Junction of Beaker Street and David's
Lane, the phone box on the corner.
Yeah? Yeah?
Ring the police and say this, exactly this.
20 past four, exactly 20 past four.
Why should I?
Do you want to go into a children's home
till you're 18, Carl?
Well, the one on Crofton's got a full sized trampoline.
LIP GALLAGHER: Just do it.
Don't
I don't own a bike.
So go and nick one.
Shit.
[phone ringing]
DISPATCHER (ON PHONE): Emergency services.
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: I was walking up Beaker Street.
FIONA GALLAGHER: Coming from the--
Swimming baths.
When I saw Jody--
You didn't know his name then.
A little boy.
On his own.
On his own, and crying.
I asked here where her mum was--
Not her.
I asked him where his mum was, and he didn't know.
Good girl, that's great, Debs.
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: I looked round, couldn't see any adults.
He was upset.
So I gave him some chocolate, which he liked.
Good.
LIP GALLAGHER: Then you turned left out of David's Lane,
heading for the park.
CARL GALLAGHER: Just going past Beaker
Street into David's Lane.
DISPATCHER (ON PHONE): When was this?
10 minutes, back when I saw him--
10 minutes back, when I saw him I thought,
eh, isn't that the kid everybody's looking for?
DISPATCHER (ON PHONE): Definitely Captain Curtis?
I didn't say Captain Curtis, I said red cloak--
cape.
DISPATCHER (ON PHONE): It's all right.
Go on. - He was with a girl.
DISPATCHER (ON PHONE): Can you describe
the girl for me, Henry?
LIP GALLAGHER: Then you went to phone box at Briston Grove.
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: I went to phone box on Briston Grove.
I thought I best phone the police, or somebody.
That one was vandalized.
But wait a sec.
There's a phone box in the corner
of Beaker Street and David's Lane, why didn't
you use that one, Debbie?
Cause there was someone using it.
- An adult? - Yeah.
STEVE MCBRIDE: But you didn't tell the adult
that you found a child.
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: The adult was using
the phone box as a toilet, so I didn't trust him.
So we ran.
FIONA GALLAGHER: Good.
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: So I decided to walk towards home
and tell yous.
So we crossed Benson Road--
At the crossing?
Crossed Benson Road at the pelican, and Jody
caught his cloak on a bit of fencing, and it ripped.
Hey, wow.
What you look like now?
A girl.
No you don't.
A lipstick.
Not lipstick.
Where's your socks?
[giggle]
Socks!
STEVE MCBRIDE: Fiona's going to switch the kids.
If anybody asks, then she's been shopping.
All right?
All right, we're getting off, but I'll
see you around Sheila's in about half an hour, right?
Lip, can you stick the kids in the car, please?
Come on, you two, quick.
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: We're coming.
Hey.
Hey, hey, what's going on?
What will they do to her if they find her?
Look, don't even think about this, all right?
She's fine, she's doing great.
But she can't tell lies, she never could.
She's not even sorry.
STEVE MCBRIDE: Yeah, I know.
Look, if this all goes pear shaped
and the authorities get involved,
you want me to say I'm living here?
Why?
STEVE MCBRIDE: Well, it's going to minimize
the risk of the kids getting split
up if they know that there's the wages coming in.
Yeah. Yeah.
Come here.
Good luck, all right?
Bravo echo, come in.
POLICE (OVER PHONE): Receiving, over.
Unconfirmed sighting, the junction
of Beaker Street and David's Lane.
Captain Curtis, question mark, could be little Jody.
Being accompanied by a young girl, question mark.
Young girl with bag or handbag, question mark.
Could be girl or small elderly female.
Proceed to target immediately.
POLICE (OVER PHONE): On our way, over.
Now.
Come on, now.
Come on, Liam.
Go with Debbie.
Here, look, chocolate!
Go on. Go with Debbie.
Good boy.
Debbie, do you trust Fiona?
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: Yeah. - Right.
Do you think she trusts you?
Cause I don't know that she does.
She thinks you're a crap liar, right,
but you know what I think, Debs?
No.
I think you could be a brilliant liar
if you wanted to be.
I think you could be a much better
liar than you're letting on.
You know lawyers and doctors and nurses and all that lot?
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: Yeah.
All liars.
Professional liars, but they learn to tell lies
to make people's lives better.
Look, your doctor, he wouldn't say tough shit,
you're dying of cancer, would he?
No.
He'd say we're doing all we can, wouldn't he?
Yeah. STEVE MCBRIDE: Right.
So what if today you're a doctor?
If you were telling a doctor's kind of lie,
you wouldn't even blush, would you, Debs?
No. STEVE MCBRIDE: Right.
You're a doctor.
Could I be a nurse?
STEVE MCBRIDE: Yeah.
Right.
Be brilliant, yeah, Debs?
LIAM: I'll be the doctor!
Jacket, get my jacket, come on.
Good luck.
You be a good doctor, yeah?
And I'll be a good nurse.
(SHOUTING) Jody!
(SHOUTING) Jody, where are you?
(SHOUTING) Jody!
[man and woman calling for jody]
LIAM: Boo!
Boo.
Upsydaisy.
Get in, Liam.
In the pram.
Not now-- where are you going?
Don't do this to me now!
Come back here, please!
KEVIN BALL: What?
What you doing?
Bar work, I'm being a barman.
Well you're not due till six.
Oh, my watch much be fast.
Well, I'm here now.
Usual, Billy?
Well I'm only paying you from six.
Captain Curtis, eh?
Been awhile since I seen one of them.
Captain Curtis costume.
Kid in a Captain Curtis costume, it takes you back, doesn't it?
Child!
Blond!
About three, in a Captain fucking Curtis costume!
No?
None of you?
Forget it! - What'd you say, Kev?
Forget it.
No, Captain Curtis, go on!
I was saying, what I was trying to say isn't it weird,
haven't seen a Captain Curtis costume in years.
I used to have one, I just passed a kid in one,
and it made me smile because it reminded me of me.
Have you told anybody?
Yeah.
But these deaf old twats aren't interested.
No, because that's what they are.
No, where!
Where did you see him?
I just passed him on Benson Road.
That's him.
Little lad, little Jody, he vanished this afternoon.
They've been searching everywhere for him.
Which I've heard nothing about,
'cause I'm at a wedding, me.
Sure, Kev? Blond?
KEVIN BALL: Blond.
About three?
KEVIN BALL: About three?
ANGIE: With a junkie?
No, no with a young--
I wouldn't say it were a young girl if it were Debbie
from next door, I'd say were Debbie from next door,
wouldn't I?
What if she was wearing a hat or something?
Is she?
No, I'll ring you back.
Come on.
[phone ringing]
Veronica?
VERONICA FISHER (ON PHONE): Debbie
needs to be wearing a hat so Kev wouldn't recognize her.
Well, she isn't--
VERONICA FISHER (ON PHONE): We know that, but she needs to be.
What kind of hat?
VERONICA FISHER (ON PHONE): Well, what do you got?
IAN GALLAGHER: I'm not with Debbie,
she's already in position.
VERONICA FISHER (ON PHONE): Oh, Jesus.
Yes! It's all right.
We're sorted. Baseball cap, black.
[phone ringing]
Yeah?
Kev, the police need to know where they're heading.
Black baseball cap.
(WHISPERING) Debbie, you need to be wearing this.
(WHISPERING) Not if I'm a nurse.
(WHISPERING) What?
(WHISPERING) I'm a nurse, now.
(WHISPERING) And I'm a brain surgeon, just put the cap on,
Debs. BOY ON BIKE: Oi!
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: Oh, yeah.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Good boy.
Where's your cape?
Yep. Yep.
Hang on, sir.
That's Benson Road?
Heading in which direction?
FIONA GALLAGHER: So they've not found him?
I can't stop thinking what his parents must be going through.
Oh, no.
Would you like a drink, Fiona?
I've got no mixers left.
Oh, uh.
Cup of tea would be great, thanks, Sheila.
You sit down, you look worn out.
Just ignore me.
Clock stopped at two, so I took double medication by accident.
Hi, sweetheart! .
Come here, give us a cuddle for a chocolate finger.
I'll stick the kettle on.
SHEILA JACKSON: Are you getting chubby?
I can hardly lift you.
[phone ringing]
Can you stay on the line, please sir?
KEVIN BALL (ON PHONE): I've got customers to serve here, mate.
Just hold the line, please.
This is promising.
Not random, definite pattern to it. here, 1610, here 1630.
Makes sense on foot.
Yeah, right.
Tango four, current location?
TONY (OVER RADIO): We're at Ridgeway Road,
waiting on unit 15.
Nothing as yet, sarge.
SARGEANT (OVER RADIO) Right, flip round, head east.
You want Benson Road, direction of Chatsworth estate.
Second possible sighting with consistent information,
so shift yourselves, all right.
TONY (OVER RADIO): RAU.
What?
Received and understood.
So say received and understood.
Yeah, but that's seven syllables
and we're in a rush, so RAU.
God, if it's nonces we're after, we should
be nailing that creepy shit.
Have you seen his locker?
S Club 8!
SHEILA JACKSON: Peekaboo!
LIAM GALLAGHER: Peekaboo!
SHEILA JACKSON: Peekaboo!
LIAM GALLAGHER: Peekaboo!
SHEILA JACKSON: Peekaboo!
Aah!
What? FRANK GALLAGHER: Hey!
Lads have just kicked a confession out
of Ice Cream Alex.
He's admitted to dropping his knob in the tubs.
He took little Jody?
We don't know til he comes out of theatre.
[sirens]
I can't be a nurse.
I don't feel like a nurse.
I don't have a dress on.
How Can I feel like a nurse?
It's Jody.
JACKIE: Jody!
[cheering]
[sirens]
Where the hell have you been?
We've been worried sick about you!
Where did you find him?
He was on his own, and he didn't know where he lived.
FRANK GALLAGHER: What did I say?
JACKIE: Thanks you, Debbie.
FRANK GALLAGHER: We'll find him for you.
Little Debbie, little Jody!
Wah!
Hoo-ha!
[excited cheering]
Hey Debbie.
Can we take her somewhere quiet?
What for?
TONY: We just need to take a statement.
She found him.
I know, we need to take a statement.
FRANK GALLAGHER: What? - You can stay with her.
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: It's OK, I'll be fine.
She probably wants you with her.
Yeah of course she will.
Come on, Debs.
We'll pick it up later.
Uh-uh!
It's Debbie's!
I know.
Just do you do.
Get it now before it all--
IAN GALLAGHER: Quickly, it's blowing away!
Oh fuck, does it look like that scene
in "Gone With The Wind"?
Karen!
Did your mum pass that message on?
About?
Just rang to see if you fancied a quick jump.
You said that to me mum?
Joke!
Knowing her, she's go, hang on,
I'll just see if she's ready.
Aw, you two had a barney?
Chance would be a fine thing.
New bloke walks into her life, and suddenly it's Karen?
Who's Karen?
You are the only person I know who'd refer
to me dad as a "new bloke."
There's a Buddhist saying that we
all get reincarnated until we've been,
done, and seen everything.
Dad reckons he's way up that ladder.
To hear him talk, you couldn't teach him a thing.
I mean, it's never occurred to him that he might
just be thick as pig shit.
If you want rid of him, just start
mentioning full time work.
It's not your dad that's the problem.
That's a new one.
Might nip round later.
Oi.
Oi!
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: Look.
They gave me this and a book token.
Let's have a look.
Golden citizen award.
Wow.
And this, look.
Ooh, a tenner.
10 pounds.
Blimey, Debs.
Just doing a coffee if you fancy one.
I don't drink coffee.
Been a bit worried about you.
Me?
Yeah, I mean, all that business yesterday.
Creeps on the loose.
You've gone a bit quiet.
I am quiet.
Where's mum?
She's having a kip.
No, it's just that girls like you
getting the eye from all sorts.
You know, you need to--
look after yourself.
I know how to look after myself.
Whoa, whoa.
Because now-- hey, you're a young lass.
Very young, and that's dodgy.
Very dodgy.
All this could go down a long--
wrong-- big bad road.
I am a bit dodgy.
And so are you, or your wouldn't still be whispering.
[grunting]
She invented tons of stuff we hadn't fed her.
The more she lied, the more she smiled, the faster she talked.
I'm sticking a lock on our bedroom door.
ALL: [laughter]
Won't save you from a fire if she takes up arson.
[debbie laughing]
DEBBIE GALLAGHER: 75, 80, 85, 90,
95, 100, 105, 10, 15, 20, 25--
[man on the tv chattering]
Sit yourself down, love.
I think he's in the bathroom. (SHOUTING) Frank!
FRANK GALLAGHER: Bathroom!
Turn the fire down if it's too hot.
I'm fine.
Tea or coffee, love?
I'm fine, thank you.
Who did you say you are, again?
Steve, I'm Fiona's bloke.
SHEILA JACKSON: That's right.
Who's Fiona?
Frank's daughter.
Take it how it is.
She's just woken up.
[laugh]
STEVE MCBRIDE: [nervous laughter]
SHEILA JACKSON: [hysterical laughter]
Come again?
Fiona doesn't know whether you're coming or going.
I mean-- can we use your room, or are you planning on coming
back to Winter Gardens?
You must be fucking joking!
Right.
FIONA GALLAGHER: Careful!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
What are you wearing?
I've been to Rebecca's party.
Is this for me?
You like it?
STEVE MCBRIDE (VOICEOVER): Now, people with good imaginations
get bored when nothing much happens.
There's one school of thought that
says tackle the problem at its source, treat the sickness.
Round here, though, therapy was an unfamiliar word.
Blackmail and bribery were tried and tested techniques.
Debbie's compulsion scared us all to death.
So when she took the newest, most
vulnerable member of the family to her bosom, we were thrilled.
Hey, what'll you call it?
[indistinct chatter]
STEVE MCBRIDE: I can't find the sugar.
Lip, have you put the sugar in the teapot again?
LIP GALLAGHER: No. STEVE MCBRIDE: You have.
LIP GALLAGHER: I haven't
STEVE MCBRIDE: You have!
FIONA GALLAGHER: Don't do that, Liam!
No!
STEVE MCBRIDE: [laugh] Liam, mate.
It irks me.
Wasn't me!
FIONA GALLAGHER: Debbie, you should be ready for school.
Can't go to school,
FIONA GALLAGHER: Why not?
He's had me up half the night with diarrhea.
[baby doll crying]
STEVE MCBRIDE (VOICEOVER); And if you think that was bad,
you should have been there for the three weeks
off with measles.
Tell her teacher she's got the flu.
It's too near the doors.
My shopping didn't go very well.
This had got to be a wind up.
If you don't turn up at school,
some bloody teacher will turn up on your doorstep?
Yep.
LIP GALLAGHER: All you have to do is tap up and smile.
You're being a jerk about it and I'm sweet for sixth form.
FRANK GALLAGHER: I've just told me own kids to go swivel.
KAREN JACKSON: You are so coming tonight, Frank.
Hey, we can't--
KAREN JACKSON: We can.
FRANK GALLAGHER: The way they grow up these days.
Is there somebody else?
How long you been fucking Karen for?
Who do you reckon it is, Lip?
LIP GALLAGHER: You call time on it, Frank,
or I'll blow the whistle.
You animal!
He fucked her and I'm going to fuck you!
[theme music]
(SINGING) Sunshine girl, I'm looking down your blouse.
I see two mountains, I wonder what they are.
Would you invite me to squeeze them tightly?
Not bloody likely.
You're such a girl!
[laughter]