[music playing]
FRANK (VOICEOVER): Now, nobody's saying that Chatsworth estate
is the Garden of Eden, but it's been a good home to us--
to me--
Frank Gallagher and me kids who I'm
proud of, because every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
They can all think for themselves, which
they have me to thank for.
Run!
Run for it.
FRANK (VOICEOVER): Fiona, who's a massive help.
Lip who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody
calls him Philip anymore.
Ian, a lot like his mom, which is handy for the others
because she's disappeared into thin air.
And Carl.
We don't let him grow his hair for two reasons.
One, it stands on end and makes him look like Toya.
Two, nits love him.
Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
You have to check your change, but she'll go miles out
of the way to do you a favor.
Plus Liam, going to be a star once we've got the fits
under control.
Steve, Fiona's boyfriend, the truth is out there--
not.
Fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica,
lend you anything-- well, not anything.
Look, all of them to a man, know first and foremost one
of the most vital necessities in this life
is to know how throw a party.
[laughter]
FIONA (VOICEOVER): You know when you drop a pen
and you know where you dropped it, but it's just not there?
That's how mom vanished.
Went for a loaf, never seen since.
Dad did a superb job of taking on the role
of both our parents.
Did sod all, twice over.
You'd think, wouldn't you, that two times
zero would be no loss at all.
But I think that old saying is true,
you don't know what you've got until it's gone.
Lip, kettle. Come on.
I'll do that.
That's all right.
You sit down.
Hey, Fi.
No vinegar, who's no vinegar?
CARL: Me
DEBBIE: Me.
STEVE: Fish without batter.
FIONA: Me.
Come on, shift up.
Make room for the little one.
Oi.
Oi, oi.
Only if you finish your chips, come on.
Who's this? LIP: It's Karen.
FIONA: Hi Karen, nice top.
What size are you?
[laughter]
Shut up.
Billy.
Have a drink.
Go on, have one.
Jess, have a go.
[shouting]
BOTH: When you're ready.
NEWS ANCHOR (ON TELEVISION): The Blair-Brown government
came to power, promising to redress
Britain's position in the European league tables
on poverty.
But debates in the House of Commons today
could seriously affect the way one
in three of this country's families
may have to live for the worse.
[cheering]
Let the dog see the rabbit, mate.
[music playing]
Four kids and half a wage?
What am I supposed to do for food
if they cut the single parent benefit by 30%?
STEVE: Hello, Frank.
Are you okay?
Is that my t-shirt?
Yeah.
I just meant what happened?
[screaming]
FIONA: Jesus, Frank.
A bloke in the pub told me to pass it on,
wants you to keep your filthy little dick away
from his daughter.
You're pissed, Frank.
Don't do this to your kids.
- This is pissed? - Leave it, Steve!
Just go!
Debbie, no!
Stop it!
Get him off! BOTH: No!
Get him out of here, now! - You're pathetic, mate.
Big lad, Steve, eh?
Need a big lad now, do you?
FIONA: Just go, Steve. - Yeah, look at him.
He's shitting himself.
You're a total of organs, Frank.
FIONA: I mean it, Steve! Get out now.
Yeah, all right.
WOMAN(ON TELEVISION): Tony Blair going
next door to me and saying, here you go, I've got me gold card.
You should have twatted him back.
If I ever do that, I'll kill him.
So, seven years for murder, get laid as often as you want,
tattoos, everything.
Gay heaven.
[music playing]
Ugh.
No.
Ugh.
Yeah.
[whistling]
FIONA: How's it going, Conrad?
Oh, not so bad, you know?
Shirley any better?
No, still pissed off about being sectioned.
But what can I do, Veronica?
Once we got my mom in there she looked ten years younger.
What ward is she on?
16
Well, she'll look about 30 years younger, then.
[laughter]
[music playing]
VERONICA: Looks sore, though.
How many stitches?
Seven, cheese knife.
Oh, Conrad.
Oh, I'll live.
Not if Shirley ever gets out.
[laughter]
CONRAD: See you later.
Cheers, gorgeous.
CONRAD (SINGING): I'm horny, horny, horny, horny, tonight.
I'm horny, horny, horny, horny tonight.
[ominous music]
Sampson Pickle turned to his mom with a tear in his eye
and said--
ALL: You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
Hey.
[music playing]
FIONA AND CHILDREN (VOICEOVER): You don't know what
you've got until it's gone.
You don't know what you've go until it's gone.
You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
STEVE: Evening, campers.
LIP: Hey, how are you doing, man?
You all right?
Ah, not bad.
I bet you hate it when that happens.
They're his tits.
What?
It's the only reason he does eggs
and he just licked that one.
LIP: With a stonking abscess so a bit more protein
than you banked on, Steve.
[laughter]
Hiya.
ALL: Ew!
Sorry about last night.
Hey, look, Brooklyn Beckham's the yardstick on this one.
Never apologize for you parents.
So Can get rid of this.
[sigh]
Has anyone seen Dad since last night?
He was asleep behind the settee.
It's a tent.
Why have we got a bleeding tent behind the settee?
Drying it out.
I'm off camping next week.
I thought it was Dad.
I left him a cup of tea this morning.
I thought I heard him say, thanks, Debs.
[music playing]
Hang on tight, hang on tight.
[moaning]
Sorry, came in the back way.
You're not the only one.
Kev, was me dad in the Jockey this afternoon?
This afty?
No, no.
Did he come back to the pub last night?
KEV (VOICEOVER): Footy until 9:00, pub quiz until 10:00.
Scrapping by half-past, police turned up, and--
yeah, Frank were there.
But he was slaughtered.
I mean, slaughtered.
Thanks.
Go on, Kev.
Go on, hang on.
You hang on, sir.
We're going to the moon.
Hey Ted, it's Lip.
You seen me dad?
No, since Diana died.
Hiya, Wendy.
Veronica, cleaning services.
Well, ex-cleaning services.
Eric, it's Lip.
Carol's daughter.
Lip Gallagher.
Kev Ball's girlfriend.
Bought your skybox off you so you could go to Magaluf.
Yeah, hiya.
Listen, you didn't have any admissions to casualty
last night, did you?
Name of Gallagher, black hair, blue eyes,
scruffy, a bit mental.
Could you check the computer for us, could you, Wendy?
Cheers.
WENDY (ON PHONE): Hello?
Veronica?
Hello?
Are you there?
Veronica?
Wendy?
Wendy, hiya.
Oh, you haven't?
Oh, never mind.
Thanks anyway.
No.
Ah, do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?
Oi!
What is your problem?
Needing to ring the bookies before I go to work.
No phone.
I looked for mobile-- vanished.
I lent your mobile to Lip so he
could ring round and see if anybody knew where Frank was.
Oh, right, are both my bills being run up next door?
Oh, your bills? Hello.
Why don't they get a friggin' phone?
No frigging money.
Yeah, well me neither at this rate, V.
Aw, you tight-assed gimp!
Frank is missing, and you-- you need to see somebody.
You're bloody weird.
Most normal blokes fall asleep after sex, but not Kev.
Oh, no.
Well, if it makes you this snarky, forget it.
Forget sex all together, because I am sick of this!
Freak!
You can't file Frank as a missing person.
Why not?
He's always missing.
That is what I said.
What if he's just kipped around a mate's?
He hasn't.
And who would give him a bed? He just hasn't.
Oh, come on, Fiona.
We've found him wheelie bins before now.
Never on a Friday.
STEVE: What's Friday got to do with it?
Gyro day.
I hadn't realized it were a Friday.
Let's get the desk sergeant.
What was Frank last wearing?
[music playing]
Shove it up your ass, Kev.
And no favors from me like filling in your fake insurance
claim because you're too thick to do it yourself.
Whoa, Lip!
Lip, wait.
Lip, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, look, look.
He can't be far, he's never far.
I know.
But it's Friday.
Oh, right.
Oh, Jesus.
Jez, Frank Gallagher.
Was he on his tod when we turfed him out last night?
Name me one person who would be seen dead with him
in that state.
Yes, love?
Well, Steve had shut off by then, so he definitely wasn't--
Steve?
Has anyone seen Frank the Plank since last night?
- No. - Which Steve?
Steve Steve.
Fiona's bloke.
What, in here?
Yeah, talking to your dad.
Pleasant enough.
Well, before closing time.
REPORTER (ON TV): And we go to Barry Street,
where police have found the body of a yet unidentified person
floating in the water.
It was first discovered at around about 11:30 AM
by a local man.
Is that Barry Street Bridge?
I broke me collarbone falling down them
steps after me very first taste of another woman's tongue.
(STUTTERING) Ashley's mum saw somebody in--
Again, Debbie.
Ashley's mum saw somebody in the canal this afternoon.
Stupid cow, telling her that.
It won't be him sweet heart or the police
would have known by now.
I will deck that bleeding woman.
I owe her a smack anyway for that curtain rail.
I'll go around later.
Does that even sound like your dad?
Why would he be walking towards the canal
if he lives in the opposite direction?
It depends.
How was he looking when you left him in the Jockey, Steve?
When?
Ah, Like nine-ish.
I went over to apologize for the barrie.
Bought him a drink, we made friends, and I shot off home.
Why didn't you say?
STEVE: I saw him for half an hour, tops.
Wasn't the last to.
How's that helpful?
Kev, when I left the Jockey, was Frank bladdered or not?
No.
Can I borrow you for a sec?
East end floater!
Police probing!
Have you heard about it?
East end floater, police probing.
Anyone you know?
BOTH: Oh, god.
It's all right.
FIONA: Oh, Jesus.
Oh-- oh, god.
MAN 1: Oh, you're joking.
MAN 2: What's going on?
MAN 3: What a sack of shit.
MAN 4: Bastards!
Police PR prank bullshits the public!
How low can you stoop?
Police PR prank bullshits the public!
Manchester Mail!
[cheering]
[music playing]
[groans]
Oh, my head.
Hey, have you go the time on you?
You got the time?
The time-- time on ya?
Fine, right.
Fuck you.
[dog whimpering]
[groans]
Maybe I've had a stroke.
FRANK (VOICEOVER): Last I remember
I'm walking up Belvedere Road.
Paddy is going, night, Frank.
I go, night, Paddy.
I mean, this is beyond me.
How the fuck did you all get here?
[speaking french]
No, no.
I haven't a clue how I got here.
[speaking french]
What?
Passport.
Oh, you're not listening to a word, are you?
I haven't got a passport.
I've never had a passport.
I don't want a passport.
MAN: That's a Manchester accent, no?
Who said that?
MAN: [speaking french].
Five years.
Mid '80s.
Oh, man, thank you. Just tell him.
Will you just tell him?
[speaking french]
What is it that you need to say first?
Me name's Frank Gallagher.
I live at 2 Windsor Gardens, Stratford.
Frank Gallagher.
[speaking french]
Look, I'm scared because I haven't a clue
what happened last night.
I'm pricking myself here, you know?
[speaking french]
FRANK: What did he say, mate?
[french]
Hey!
Come on.
Mistake!
- I know. - Frank?
In France?
I know.
Well, Calais, so only just.
ALL: How?
Fax from the embassy just says he's
admitting to drugs charges.
But that's before they've accused him,
so they're rightly thinking ahead of the ball.
- They're charging him? - No they want rid.
He'll be escorted through the tunnel about 6:00
in the morning.
When will you get him back here?
We can't.
Not unless you're shelling out for a car, and an officer
to fetch him. - You could get him.
We could nip across on a day ticket, pick up some booze,
like our Kirstie does.
Could I fuck?
Because-- no offense.
[humming]
Car's not insured, tax disc's a photocopy,
and the shockers won't get us passed Asda.
Right, To.
[music playing]
I just grabbed a shower.
I was coming back around.
Becks, can you--
cheers.
Who's she?
She's a tenant.
What's up?
How did you get my dad to France?
[laughter]
It's me.
Are you serious?
Me? - French health warnings.
Boot of the car.
How did you get him in the boot?
He was so off his face he'd have jumped in a coffin.
He went back out with just a tenner.
Yeah, and I gave him a 20 and a few tabs.
Why France?
My sister lives in Folkestone.
I was going down to see the new kid.
Idea was just drop your dad somewhere weird.
And then I saw the sign to the Channel Tunnel,
and the idea just kind of--
just kind of snowballed.
And that's funny, Steve?
No, really funny would have been Bosnia.
Just because he took a swing at you?
No, because he's got a family he doesn't deserve,
and he needs a wake up call before he
wrecks all your lives.
Bollocks.
Because you haven't the guts to just whack him back.
Look, I don't do violence.
BOTH: Ah!
What my dad is, and what my family is
has got fuck all to do with somebody like you!
Bastard!
[shouting]
[timer dinging]
Sorry, can I just--
It's just that I've got to be out in a quarter of an hour,
so--
You took him there, you get him back.
[music playing]
CARL: Kev, where's my fucking Playstation 2?
All right, I'll see what I can do.
If they any CDs for under a fiver, will you get us five?
But only chart.
And UK chart.
If there's one--
Take his birth certificate in case they
need it for identification.
Kev, where's my fucking Playstation 2?
Hey, Steve.
Steve, towbar's on.
Trailer lights work like magic.
Yeah, I've got seven cases of lager for me dad, Kev.
KEV: No. No way, lad.
The only booze I'm bringing back is ours.
Hang on a minute, whose is this?
Listen, listen.
Oi, oi, oi.
Shut up, listen.
Police have just found a body exactly
fitting Frank's description.
[screaming]
I knew it, I knew it!
I dreamt it!
I dreamt he was dead!
BOTH: Listen--
FIONA: Has nobody told her?
IAN: I haven't seen her for hours.
They found him, Debs.
Dad's coming home.
I feel rotten now.
It were a joke, sweet heart.
He's in France.
He's OK.
Stephen, Kev, and Veronica are off to get him, aren't you?
Yeah.
What's he doing in France?
Look, we'll have him home for morning.
Promise.
I'm really sorry we scared you, Debs.
I'm really, really sorry.
VERONICA: Joke was, it wasn't a bloke.
It were three bags of rags.
So they knew it couldn't be Frank straightaway
because the socks matched.
[laughter]
[music playing]
See what I can do.
Well, no way am I pulling that fucking monstrosity.
TONY: Is this Steve bloke a fixture now, then?
Just somebody I met.
Right.
I'm wondering where that leaves me, then, Fiona.
You? What?
Me with you.
Tony, we had a great night out.
Great mates, great laugh.
Sex.
That's it.
Oh, come on.
That's the whole point, isn't it?
One-night-stand, no strings.
You were me first.
First one-night-stand, or first--
The first.
I only got circumcised when I were 18, so it set me back.
Way back.
So if you really want to take the piss, spread that around.
Hey.
If that was your first, you weren't half bad.
[music playing]
Thanks.
KEV: No place like home, eh, Frank?
STEVE: Good to be back.
Fuck's sake.
[cheering]
[laughter]
[knock on door]
DEBBIE: Are you decent?
I got you this.
It's from France.
I asked Veronica to get it for us.
I don't want nothing French in this house.
There's no hot water.
What?
Oh, fuck's sake.
Oh, your gyro.
And it's Saturday, so the post office closes at 12:00.
Is he still here?
Steve?
No, he's just nipped home to get changed.
Well, tell him not to bother coming back.
Dad, he's just spent 500 quid bailing you out.
And why would he do that, eh?
When I woke up in France, in a park,
looking like a fucking tosser, all I could smell
was air freshener.
Middle of the park, orange air freshener.
I've just spent five hours in his car.
Same fucking smell.
He did this.
I wish you'd taken a camera with you in the pictures.
Total shit hole.
Hey, the definition of French foreplay.
Bet you're the only one that missed me.
No.
Because Carl said the gas is gone.
Where's the pliers?
And Lip said that Dad's the only one
who knows how to do the meter.
Did you see Paris?
Yeah.
The Eiffel Tower?
Christ, yeah.
Well, you know, I-- you can see right across France
from the top.
Yeah.
I didn't stay up too long, though.
Don't know what the French birds are into,
but they couldn't keep their eyes off me.
They were looking at me, like, (FRENCH ACCENT) Hey,
I am having this guy.
Yeah.
Well, it got a bit unnerving, so I legged it back down.
Well, I mean, bits of France are gorgeous, you know?
But you just gotta know your way about.
Do you now?
Every inch.
I have to cash me giro.
Do us a brew for when I get back.
OK.
Look, he can't know.
He does.
And even if he doesn't, he thinks you did it.
So it makes no odds.
Well, I gave him three Zopiclone.
Mom-- Mom said don't use more than two
or you won't know your own name for a week.
- Your mom was in on this? - Yeah.
No.
She-- she prescribed the Zopiclone for me.
She's a doctor?
Yeah.
Mom, Dad, brother, sister.
They all are.
We're the medical equivalent of a battery farm.
Me included, if I hadn't run a mile.
I quit medical school two years in.
I am that DIY plane from "Chicken Run."
You walked away from that?
Yeah.
Sprinted away from that, in the vain hope
of finding some personality that wasn't a carbon
copy of my father's.
So you nick cars for a living?
I do what I chose to do.
And my dad's the waste of organs.
Hang on, oi.
Hang on, look, I've apologized.
I've done what you asked, and I've put things right.
Given the choices you've had, it's a bit rich
that you don't like other people living with theirs,
isn't it, Steve?
[music playing]
MAN: Ow!
A couple of days until I find a flat.
PADDY: No way, Frank.
I promised the wife never again.
We had to burn that mattress!
Oh, come on, Paddy.
We're supposed to be mates.
I'll kip on the floor.
PADDY: Definitely not.
We have carpets now.
Are you off?
If you lot want to take the piss, carry on.
Carry on without me.
LIP: Nobody is.
I don't like the way I've been talked to these days.
About what?
When can I have this, Dad?
When can I buy-- well, can I buy that now?
All six of you, yack, yack, fucking yack.
Never mind I'm a single parent, never mind you
wouldn't be here without me.
Surround sound bitching is all the thanks I get.
Life's hard, we know that.
Money's hard, I can only stretch it so far.
Do you know how much we spend a week on shopping?
The lot, that's how much.
45 quid.
Fiona pays 25, me and Ian go a tenner each.
BOTH: Yeah, plus gas, plus electric, rent.
All covered in your giro.
Yeah, right.
- 127 a week. - Goes nowhere.
You haven't got a clue, have you?
Do you know how much you spend a week in the Jockey?
Hey, none of your business.
Roughly 80.
Oh, that's Kevin.
My mate Kev, giving it that behind me back.
Yeah, well, he's pissed on his own chips.
He'll see what it does to his wages
when I boycott the Jockey.
- And go where? - The Crown.
You're barred.
FRANK: Crosslands.
LIP: Barred.
Elmo's Head.
It got torched a fortnight back.
I don't need Kev to tell me.
I check your wallet every night.
See?
Come on.
Ah, Frank.
Or French Frank, they're calling you on the radio.
Like an eclipse, Britain went dark without you.
I'm stuck for a bed, George.
Oh, come in, then, man, and fill us in on the gaps, eh?
Is the lad with you, eh?
He's going home.
[thudding]
[frank grunting]
[dogs barking]
[music playing]
You've forgotten you owe him money?
Everybody thinks I owe them fucking money.
He thinks you flogged his telly.
I've been nothing but a friend to that thick Irish dick.
I know who you sold his telly to.
- I won't say it twice, go home. - What?
I won't say it twice.
All right, so people are laughing at you.
But, they only thought France was a laugh
once they knew you were safe.
The t-shirt I want is mug.
I didn't fuck off like your mom did.
I could have shot off and let the council sort you out.
I didn't!
And pubs weren't-- ask anyone.
You know, odd pint, that was it.
Three pints, I'd be on the floor.
Brandy made me puke, whiskey gave me a headache.
And they all took the piss then because I
couldn't knock it back.
So you can't win.
Your mom fucks off, you're all looking at me.
Six kids.
Six to keep on top of.
[clicking tongue] You never had to do stuff before.
Fucking massive.
Fucking clothes for school.
Massive.
Having to pick you up as you go along, massive.
And I find out me dad's sending her money,
because he's always had a soft spot for her.
So I know he's saying it's my fault. Proving it,
by giving me--
what?
Fuck all.
He wouldn't even babysit.
One long headache of people looking at me
like I'm fucking up, which I am.
Oh, if you can't do right for doing wrong, what is the point?
Get a few pints down you, you know, getting
a round in, getting another.
Nobody's buying you one back, never will.
You shelled out for hundreds, not one back.
But, while you're getting them in, you're having a laugh.
I mean, that's all you need, isn't it?
You know, people laughing, people talking.
Anything, so long as it's not sounding
like six winging fucking kids you never
wanted in the first place.
Fuck the lot of them.
Get used to the headaches.
[cheering]
[speaking french]
A pint of beer, and a couple of these.
Oh, twisted Jesus.
Kill me.
I don't know you, Frank.
But it occurred to me that me and you are the victims here.
Two hardworking, God-fearing men.
We raise children in a straight line, with discipline.
And God's good guidance.
Our Karen were only 12 when I heard her using the C word.
And on a Sunday!
Fuck.
F.
How did I, a man who said 16 years ago I want
to work for God in Africa--
big place, big work--
how did I end up with a woman whose only pleasures are sex,
TV cookery, and drawing maximum benefits
from the cash-strapped states?
Hundreds a week she gets.
Hundreds!
For what?
Being agoraphobic.
I don't know where Sheila's dignity has gone,
or whether she ever had any.
Whether I was just kidding myself all along.
Her world's about this big, and the less she does,
the more they pay her.
Well I've done it now, I've left her.
But I refuse to be sorry because--
because-- It's like--
it's like cruel to be kind.
[music playing]
SHEILA: If you're from the church, you've had it.
No.
They're for you, Sheila.
You know, by way of an apology.
Apology?
For what?
Well, not an apology.
Just-- I'm Frank.
Ian's dad.
Lip's dad.
Oh, the twins?
No.
No, I just-- I heard about your bit of bother, you know?
Eddie, and all that.
Well, it's just to say that not everybody
thinks it's hilarious.
You take a notice.
That's very neighborly of you.
Come in, Frank.
You have to take your shoes off!
Yeah, belting house, Sheila.
It feels big without him.
Well, you want to come around ours?
Got shit for kids.
Six of them.
That must be nice.
Yeah, well, it's great when they're little, you know?
But they're all growing up now.
I mean, you miss that company, don't you, when they're
all off out all the time.
Yeah.
A house on your own.
Well, no.
I mean, I love time to myself.
But-- I mean, there are limits.
[crying]
Hey.
No.
SHEILA: Hey, come on, Frank.
You're preaching to the converted here.
I've not been out of the house for five years.
Five years?
I can't.
I've got an overwhelming fear.
Oh, god.
I've got agor--
I'm really sorry, Frank.
I know I'm daft about shoes, but, feet have to--
I fear they stink to high heaven.
Oh god, Sheila, sorry.
Sorry.
I'll bugger off out of your way.
Sorry! You see?
Again.
No, by the time you get to the bathroom, hot water, gone.
Now, I tried running a bath when I got back from France.
Hot water, gone.
You know, it's always muggins having to boil kettles.
We have hot water.
Hey, congratu-fucking-lations!
No.
In case you wanted a bath.
Here?
Where in France?
[music playing]
[knock on door]
Frank?
There are clothes out here.
Stuck yours in the wash, so I hope they fit.
Sorry, Sheila. I nodded off.
You must be exhausted.
Won't Eddie miss them?
Not unless he sheds 4 stone.
He found Christ, then barreled.
You're quite lean, aren't you?
Yeah, I can go for about three days without food.
Suits you.
Anyway, they're yours if you want them.
[music playing]
Oh, Jesus.
Sorry, I'm-- something I haven't seen for a long time.
Eddie's only just left, hasn't he?
I've never seen Eddie's.
Always had to be pitch black for Eddie.
I saw an outline once during a thunderstorm.
Like a pair of rolled up socks.
So you must be over the moon with a champ like this.
Look at her.
Desperate Daisy.
Hey, if desperate is a crime, I'm a lifer, Sheila.
Give it a feel if you're tempted.
No.
No, I'll embarrass myself.
Nobody here complaining.
It's OK, sweetheart.
Take your time.
Not looking after each other at all, are you?
It's bit tight, there, Sheila. Oh, fuck.
No, hang on, Sheila, because I can't see a thing in here.
[laughter]
SHEILA: If I'm embarrassing myself, I'm doing it right.
Oh, yeah.
So, tell me, how does this--
oh, that is tight.
No.
Ow.
Paper said Sagittarius was in for a quiet week.
So just tell us, then, how--
no, no.
Oh, way too tight.
I-- I changed me mind.
Sheila?
Just a jump, that's all.
I'm getting a panic attack here.
Oh!
No.
That's good.
I'm struggling to breathe, here.
The more you beg, the more you're in for.
Relax, Frank.
I said relax.
[whip cracks]
Not that much.
It's fucking vanished.
Give it time.
We have plenty.
[moaning]
Yeah.
See?
You'll smile for me.
Yeah, OK.
Yeah.
OK.
[moaning]
It's been over a year.
If that's not a smile, I don't know what is.
Yeah.
And if he smiles, we all smile.
Sit yourself down.
When did this get done?
SHEILA: Nipped down and stuck the chops
on a low light about seven.
Snuck back about 10 to peel the spuds.
What time is it?
Fuck's sake, what did you slip us?
Just natural tiredness, Frank.
It's probably jet lag.
You went to sleep just staring.
Look at the good it's done you.
You look like you've got blusher on.
BOTH: Yeah.
[laughter]
[music playing on tv]
[phone ringing]
I haven't got one.
[phone ringing]
Are you contract or pay-as-you-go?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[music playing]
I'm the only child my father's scared of because I'm
the total opposite.
Because I wanted to be.
You're-- you're kind of--
you're kind of me in a skirt.
And I don't honestly believe we could get this lucky twice.
Skirt or no skirt, these are for you.
FIONA (VOICEOVER): Reactions to the loss were mixed.
Debbie missed him like mad, until she realized
he was only a walk away.
And Sheila was lovely
Right, now he's-- now, go on.
Go on, now. That's it, fella.
Go on, now. Deb, get out-- get out the way.
FIONA (VOICEOVER): Dad would need
skivvies whenever he ended up.
He was in parasite heaven, returning only on Fridays 8:00
to 8:30, bringing newfound parenting
skills back to the homestead.
Every time it looked like this family was falling apart,
the next time you looked, we doubled the numbers.
Sheila's wasn't Sheila's anymore,
it was where Dad lived.
It was his house.
Dad and Sheila's, part of the Gallagher colony.
SHEILA: Brekky's under the grill.
FIONA (VOICEOVER): We'd always be welcome, so
long as money wasn't an issue.
That seemed fair enough.
Because we got more floor space to ourselves.
Near the top there, a bit of bird shit.
There, on the right.
Yeah, more on the right.
Hey, watch the ladder.
Right, that can't be good.
Start saving.
[laughter]
Me and Kev are getting married!
[cheering]
BOTH: You're going to fake it?
We'll still be married.
Just won't be legal.
[laughter]
STEVE: He's a maniac.
He came on me.
FIONA; He's going to burn down the bleeding house.
How long does it take to get a divorce?
[screaming]
[theme music]
You may remember, a few weeks ago we showed
you these, The Cuffs of Love.
$6.99, and a bargain.
The cuffs were manufactured in Stoke-on-Trent,
but the faulty locking mechanism was illegally
imported from North Korea, without this channel's
knowledge or approval.