[music playing]
FRANK: Now, nobody's saying that Chatsworth
Estate is the Garden of Eden.
At least I don't think they are.
But it's been a good home to us, to me, Frank Gallagher, and me
kids, who I'm proud of, because every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
[music playing]
They can all think for themselves,
[inaudible] to thank for.
Fiona, who's a big help-- no, massive help; Lip,
who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him Phillip
anymore; Ian, a lot like his mum,
which is [inaudible] because she's disappeared into thin
air, and good luck to her; and Carl-- we didn't let him
grow his hair for two reasons--
one, it stands on end and makes him look like [inaudible]..
Two, [inaudible] love him.
Debbie-- sent by god, total angel.
You have to [inaudible] your change,
but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favor.
Boss Liam, little rock and roller,
gonna be a star, long as we got the fits under control.
Now, three things, see, are vital
to a half-decent community--
space.
Yeah.
You need wide open spaces where everyone goes mental.
And neighborliness-- fantastic neighbors.
Oh, Kev and Veronica--
lend you anything.
Well, not anything.
But all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost one
of the most vital necessities in this life
is they know how to throw a party!
[music playing]
Hiya.
I said I'd have your Karen with her homework.
OK.
Take your shoes off.
Fair enough.
SHEILA: I'll get you a carrier bag.
She's got this thing about people
bringing soil into the house.
Right.
KAREN: She's not as mad as she seems.
Agoraphobia.
Oh, right.
KAREN: So how come you know all this?
LIP: It's just something I do.
What, like a hobby?
No, the plans.
What, physics?
LIP: All sorts.
Look, I've got a great one for Newton's first.
Watch.
Everybody continues in the state of rest or uniform motion
unless acted upon by an external--
[zipping]
--force.
Karen!
Hello.
Look, don't do-- look, Karen!
To be honest, I could do with the money.
What money?
I charge for homework.
I thought you knew.
[inaudible]
OK.
[music playing]
Lip, you got any deodorant?
Uh, uh, umm--
using Ian's.
Oh.
I'll stick this lot in the washer before I go out.
Will you keep an eye on it?
Me
Do it tomorrow.
God, it stinks in here!
There's a t-shirt.
That's why it stinks.
You're like bloody chimps, you three.
VERONICA: Fiona, we need to go if we
want to get a lift to the club.
FIONA: Give us five minutes, Veronica!
IAN: Hey, you.
[music playing]
Oy!
Excuse me!
He's got me bag!
Excuse me!
Hey, you! Hey!
Oy!
He's got me bag!
[music playing]
Stop, [inaudible]!
Sorry.
I know you missed, but that was top fucking notch.
Steve.
I was gonna offer to buy you a drink anyway.
Were you now?
STEVE: Yeah, I was, actually.
FIONA: What do you reckon, Veronica?
I don't know.
You want to get one?
Yeah, I think I will.
Yeah.
What, is it snake bites all around?
Yeah?
[inaudible]
No, no, no.
Oy.
You're not getting back in like that.
VERONICA: Are you serious?
Look at the state of him.
State of you.
If you were doing your job, he wouldn't have had to.
You fat twat.
BOUNCER: You're all banned.
What What for?
Uh, drugs.
He let him get away 'cause he knows him.
Hey, watch your mouth, spunkface.
Hey, look, don't talk to her like that!
- Or you'll be trying what? - Oy!
FIONA: Forget it.
Forget it.
Let's get a taxi.
Thanks.
Thanks anyway.
[music playing]
Run!
[music playing]
[inaudible]
You fat wanker!
[music playing]
LIP: I got a blowjob today.
What have you been told about encouraging pets?
Karen Jackson.
Yeah, right, Lip.
She's desperate to get physics.
I didn't ask I didn't even know until she yanked it out.
You'd have told me straight away if you would have been noshed.
You ever had yours sucked?
Well, once or twice.
Didn't hear you telling me.
How come, Ian, [inaudible] that if we
tell each other everything?
Unless you got it sucked by a bloke.
[music playing]
Listen, and he called you what?
A spunky monkey [inaudible] or something?
VERONICA: He called her-- he called us-- what was it?
It was, uh-- [inaudible] jizz face.
Not in front of the kids, man.
[inaudible]
STEVE: Spunky monkey.
I nearly wet meself when you whacked that guy.
STEVE: Yeah?
Well, I did a bit.
He's gonna kill you if ever he sees you, Steve.
Yeah?
Hey, listen, how many people live here?
Well, I'm next door but one.
Well, next door's dead.
So [inaudible] next door.
Yeah?
You a nurse, Veronica?
Part-time.
FIONA: You lying cow.
She's a cleaner.
VERONICA: They asked me to train twice, at least.
FIONA: Just before they sucked you
for thieving, once and for all.
Hey, hey, if you're patching me up with stolen goods,
I'm [inaudible]. VERONICA: Will you shut up?
You don't even know him.
You sit still!
Well, I wouldn't do if you'd stop
nudging me with your knockers.
Ah!
VERONICA: Sit still!
Look, I'm Steve, by the way.
Debbie.
Lip.
Carl.
VERONICA: And that's Ian.
Hi, Ian.
Hey, Debbie, why do they call him Lip?
A, you stink.
B, you're not as funny as you think you are.
And C, you whacked a bouncer. You're gonna be dead soon.
So it's pointless getting to know you.
CARL: Stuff like that.
Stuff like that.
Yeah, boy meets death wish.
Hey!
I thought you were fetching [inaudible]..
[inaudible].
I found a taxpayer.
What's going on?
We got turfed out of the club.
Steve stuck up for us, decked To bouncer.
Which bouncer?
Bones
Jimmy Clifton.
Fuck me.
FIONA: Come on, you lot.
Up to bed.
Bed.
KEV: All right, kids.
See you later. - Bye!
See you, love.
That's his?
Yeah.
Well, work's.
What kind of work?
Car sales.
Where?
I don't know.
Didn't ask.
[inaudible]
Oh, right.
You didn't mind watching him take his shirt off, did you?
No.
And if you wouldn't have walked in,
I'd have tripped him up and dashed right under.
Yeah, right.
[music playing]
All right, straight answer.
If I hadn't have busted my skull for you,
would you have looked twice?
Who's saying I looked twice?
STEVE: You did there.
[music playing]
I can't.
You know, 90% of this world's problems
are caused by little words that come in pairs.
We're healthy and we're happy.
And yet when anybody asks us, we say not bad.
You know, when I saw you for the first time dancing--
this was about a month ago, by the way, in Pretzo's--
I was desperate to buy you a drink.
But you know what I said to myself?
I can't.
She won't.
We wouldn't.
And then you're there again tonight.
And all the indications being I'm
getting a second chance to make a good impression.
So you say stop, and I'll stop.
[music playing]
Slower.
[music playing]
[knocking]
Oh!
Shit!
Fiona in?
Yeah.
Uh,m yeah, she's upstairs.
I'll just go get her.
Police
I know.
I'll sort it.
[inaudible]!
DEBBIE: Come on, Liam.
Back to bed.
Come on.
TONY: I wouldn't put him anywhere near a carpet
until his kicks dry off a bit.
STEVE: What the fuck's that?
FIONA: That's me dad.
Thanks, Tony.
Appreciate it.
Cheers, Fiona.
Night.
Hey, do you want a hand?
FIONA: No.
We're all right.
[music playing]
Do you, um--
do you leave him there all night?
He's never there when I get up.
Who's the little one?
Liam?
Brother.
[music playing]
[knocking]
[music playing]
STEVE: Hiya.
Listen, um, I'm wondering how you're fixed for Friday?
Party.
Great.
You wouldn't get invited.
What, is it a hen dig, yeah?
It's just not that kind of party.
Look, Steve, you're not that desperate.
Wanting to see you again's desperate?
Feeling Feeling like you have to.
You could get laid anywhere.
So I'm only here for a fuck.
Never crossed your mind?
Hey, this is all about Hans Christian Andersen.
You see, you think you find a dream girl.
And then her incontinent, alcoholic father
drops in to wreck everything. - Don't take the piss out of me.
Yeah, well, then, don't pretend like you
don't even know me, Fiona. You weren't that drunk.
Look, if the only reason last night
happened was because it happened,
don't knock it, all right?
At least something did.
It did for me.
Hey, it's the smartass.
Hey, it's the loser.
STEVE: No school today?
Two teeth out this morning. STEVE: All right.
Well, listen, if you're chewing, make sure you
don't just do it on one side.
If you do that, you can bugger your jaw.
And if that happens, you know, it'll change the way you walk.
Is that a fact?
It's a skeletal fact.
And if you keep talking out your ass,
you're gonna end up needing a much bigger toothbrush.
Anal fact.
Cheers.
Lip--
Look, thanks about the bag and stuff.
Stuff?
I'm just not looking, Steve.
[music playing]
I'm not having this.
Look, just once for me.
Then I swear I'll shut up about everything.
[inaudible] Lip, man.
Just try it.
Come on, [inaudible].
[music playing]
Oh, she's friends with you.
She got an A for physics.
Karen, it's your little helper!
I'll get you carrier bags.
EDDIE: Right, I'm off.
Oh, hey, lads.
Where's our Karen?
Went looking for a felt tip.
Guess.
[inaudible]
Nope.
Uh, corned beef.
Nope.
Kiss, and I'll tell.
I'll find out what I've got when I eat 'em, won't I?
Right, Karen.
I'm late, so I'm off.
I'll see you in the morning, sweet tart.
[music playing]
What are you hiding for?
[music playing]
What's she hiding for?
[music playing]
Oh, Jesus Christ, no
[music playing]
No!
[music playing]
KAREN: He's gonna kill him!
He's gonna kill him!
[crashing noise]
He's killed him!
[music playing]
Come back here, you little animals!
VERONICA: Run to ours.
Top of the freezer, two ice collars.
Don't drop 'em. They can split.
Right.
Second cupboard above the sink,
liquid ibuprofen, freeze spray, and microthremal bandages.
Shouldn't he get it x-rayed?
Oh, grow up, Fiona.
He'll be there till midnight, for what?
Submetatarsal hematoma.
Yeah, cheers.
We knew that five hours back. Fuck off.
Microthermal bandages sizes 8 and 10.
Could need either, so bring both.
Right.
VERONICA: And front bedroom, top of the video.
Yeah?
Fags and lighter.
[knocking] - Ah!
I'm not here!
Ow!
Hey, just say we're out or you've
never heard of us, Fiona!
Please!
What have you done?
Get back up the stairs.
Can I get it through here [inaudible]
bring it round the front?
Eh?
MAN: Washer-dryer.
Not me.
Gallagher, number two?
Yeah, but it's not ours.
[groaning]
Fuck are you going with them?
Veronica wants 'em.
[inaudible] over there.
[alarm clock playing music]
[horn sounds]
Right.
I thought you'd no money.
We haven't.
These were inside it.
VERONICA: Steve.
No.
Yeah.
Who's Steve?
FIONA: Other night.
Never!
I know!
VERONICA: You haven't got a vase?
No.
Well, can I have the flowers for doing Lip's leg?
No.
Veronica, just button on it, will you, and just follow me?
I'm following you!
Fucking hell.
Stop pulling it back!
I'm not pulling it back!
KEV: But I'm [inaudible]
15 years I've done everything in my power to--
what did I say?
What did I tell you?
Sow and thou shalt reap!
Well, she didn't reap that from me, did she?
SHEILA: Reap what?
What are you reaping now?
Eddie, what if I try, really try?
KAREN: Don't beg him!
If the bastard can do this, he's not worth it!
EDDIE: Hey, you watch your mouth!
Get fucked!
Don't try blaming me for this!
You're our worst enemies, you two, hey?
They say bad things come in threes.
They don't!
Twos-- you twos!
Now let me in, or I'll tear this door off!
KAREN: Fuck off!
[music playing]
[phone ringing]
[music playing]
FIONA: How much have you paid for it?
Um, I'm not gonna tell you that because it was a present
so you'd remember my phone number, which, uh,
obviously worked.
FIONA: Well, you better know your washer-dryer's
in the back yard.
We don't want it. I don't need it.
So you'd better pick it up before it rots.
STEVE: Is it?
Well, no.
Right.
Did-- did the guy connect it?
Yes.
STEVE: So it's working?
Yes.
So you've tried it.
[music playing]
Smell your breath.
- Fuck off. - Pork scratchings.
No, it's not!
They were mine.
See?
And I won't mind what scratchings aren't scratchings,
and I've never seen no pork.
Ian, I pay your wages.
So if you catch him letting me down,
then you'd better be straight on the mobile.
Right?
Message received.
And you, if you're not at that mosque by midnight, you
are gonna be in deep shit with your dad.
See you later, light of my life.
I mean it, Kash.
We're all watching you.
See you at home.
Can you earn your money while you're taking a piss?
[music playing]
Now you know what I feel like.
Quit whinging.
Drink more.
[music playing]
Mom, we've got to wear our shoes.
There's bits of glass you can't see.
LIP: Cheers.
And maybe Lip could do with a drink.
Sorry.
Yes, sorry, Lip.
It's been a bit of an off day, today.
Hasn't it, Karen?
So, vodka, some tonic, plenty or rum, but we're
out of black currant.
And gin, definitely.
Just coffee, Mum.
SHEILA: And a few lagers.
Lager would be great, Sheila.
Cheers.
What if your dad comes back and sees me?
He won't.
That's my fault.
He's been looking for an excuse for months.
Thanks.
So, um, what kind of impression did you get of Ian?
He seems nice.
Odd?
Couldn't tell.
He didn't say much.
No, uh, I mean did he get an hard on?
No.
[music playing]
[grunting]
IAN: Shh! Shh!
Count the [inaudible],, and this time, do it proper.
And, uh, I'll do the [inaudible]..
Jeez, Lip.
Just, uh, cheers for the tools, Kash.
Anytime, hey? As long as they get back.
So, uh, orange juice.
Let's count what's in the fridge.
LIP: Jesus Christ.
Tell me you are taking the piss.
You're fucking him?
Him?
Kash brought you the trainers, didn't he?
He's married, with kids!
What else does he buy you?
Just stuff now and again.
You're happy with it?
Hey?
What does that make you?
A fucking rent boy at best.
Now listen to me, bollock brains!
You crack on you know everything.
And you know what fucking [inaudible]??
Ask me what I've bought him.
Go on, ask me.
[inaudible] the limited edition Beckham shin
pads for Christmas!
So what does that make you, Lip, eh?
What does that make you?
Wrong, that's what!
You smartass, shart-ass fuck.
So go around there now and promise Kash
you'll keep your mouth shut!
Because he shitting himself, and he's done nothing, understand?
Absolutely fuck all to be sorry for!
Fake Muslim cheats on white fundamentalist wife
with gutless gay boy.
Says more about your [inaudible] than it
does about the rest of us.
[music playing]
Just tell me you haven't got some girl pregnant.
No danger.
Wonder if that's all you end up being to your kids.
Did he give you your dinner money?
No, I'll pay it myself.
No, you won't.
Here you go.
You must be sick of having to think for everybody.
Least I can, so it makes me feel wanted.
If the best you're aiming for is wanting to be wanted,
you have a job for life with that clown, Fiona.
Night.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
If you're not bullshitting, what was I wearing?
STEVE: Wearing?
First time you saw me.
STEVE: You were wearing a pink top and black trousers,
cropped black trousers.
And, uh-- and you had dangling earrings, just one earring.
It was a long, thin dazzler.
And you had your hair up in these little clips.
It was like rosy clip things.
And you were dancing next to a redhead girl in a green dress.
Gemma, who's a lot better-looking than I am.
STEVE: You reckon?
So why weren't you looking at her?
Because you think like that and Gemma doesn't.
Because Gemma's dancing for an audience,
and you're dancing like there's nobody else in the room.
Look, your life's not straightforward, Fiona.
And a little bit of that travels with you,
but you don't stop it showing.
You're not fake.
You're not vain.
You're not-- you're not lost, and you don't need finding.
You're not trapped, so you don't need springing.
I tell you, this whole town belongs to the fucking
Gemmas of this world, and I'm sick at the fucking
sight of them.
I swear to God, Fiona, you're just--
you make me want to enjoy my life.
I've lost mates because I talk too much.
But every time I try the opposite,
I get accused of sulking, which only makes it worse.
So-- are you still there?
Hello?
[music playing]
I knew you'd come.
FIONA: People like you are used to getting your own way.
Who are people like me?
All right, agree or disagree--
he thinks the sun shines out of his ass.
Agree.
He's overgenerous, and that bugs me.
Agree.
Because I'm not used to being spoiled.
Agree.
Nevertheless, though, he-- he's overeducated.
And he's got more money that sense.
Your words, not mine.
But they fit.
Agree.
He's-- he's had an easy life.
Definitely.
And I prefer a bloke who's been around the block
a few times.
Maybe.
But I can't help my upbringing.
Well, I'm not apologizing for mine.
I wasn't asking you to.
WAITRESS: Finished?
No.
No, we're working on it.
Please.
Would you want to wait outside while I take care of the bill?
Because you can smoke there.
Sure.
Can I borrow your lighter?
STEVE: Mhm.
Time to get your jacket, sir?
STEVE: Mmm.
Yeah, it is.
[music playing]
Mr. and Mrs. Pierce.
Are you all right?
How are you?
Lovely to have you back again. Enjoy your meal.
Thank you.
[phone ringing]
Hello.
STEVE: Uh, you seem a bit confused about me,
about how I pay my way.
Well, you're the last person in the world I need to confuse
right now, so here we go.
I don't buy and sell cars.
I just sell them.
But they're not mine.
Satisfied?
No.
They're really nice.
They're really old.
They'll be dead soon.
Look, he has beef, all right?
Gets blind drunk and swears a lot.
She can't even drive, so he tears out [inaudible]..
They're insured to the hilt, so I'll
be doing everybody a favor by just taking them off the road.
Come on.
Do you fancy a laugh or not, Fiona?
This car's mine.
[music playing]
Sounds like they're all in bed.
Got you.
Who's been eating my porridge, then?
Hiya, Dad.
This is Steve.
We've met, but you wouldn't exactly--
How much do you weigh?
Wouldn't know.
'Cause that'd fit me.
Ignore him.
Shift.
Listen, I, uh--
I'd better get off and let you get to bed, all right?
Thanks.
That was really nice.
You, too.
But I want to know who signed for this?
[music playing]
What the fuck's he on?
Oh, he'll think he bought these.
The only dealer he gets credit from's
a registered schizophrenic.
But it's not the case of whether I agree, see?
It's a fact.
You know, if I was a single parent--
Aren't you a single parent?
Yeah, but if I had tits.
Yeah, but if I had tits, Steve, they'd double the money.
You know, with a bloke, they don't fucking know.
No, no. I get it, Frank.
I get it.
It's proof you're looking for work.
But, yeah-- and the rest, Steve.
And the-- what was World War II all about if blokes like me
are still getting shit.
STEVE: Yeah.
Not how's a guy supposed to find work with kids this age?
FRANK: Correct.
Hello?
Ho, good show.
Well done, light of mine. 'Cause her mom, God rest her soul--
Dad, don't start.
--'cause she'd better be dead, the cunt.
Cut it out!
All right.
Four-month old baby, Steve, 16-year-old girl just had her
appendix out, 11-year-old Lip, 10-year-old Ian,
seven-year-old, five-year-old--
oh, and an escort van, calypso blue.
Hey.
FRANK: What is the one thing we need, one word?
One thing.
Sterilization.
FRANK: Continuity.
Continuity.
You know, one Tuesday, all right, we're out of bread.
So I send her down to the shops.
She grabs the van keys.
I haven't seen it since.
And we haven't a fucking clue where she is, have we?
Hey?
We're all fucking [inaudible].
[music playing]
So what could I do, Steve?
What could I do?
Vanish for three weeks.
FRANK: I had a breakdown.
FIONA: You moved in with Patty and went on a bender.
I had a nervous breakdown.
Fair enough.
[knocking]
Dad?
FRANK: What?
Keys.
[inaudible]
Do you know what time it is?
Yeah, sorry, Kev. It's Frank.
[inaudible]
What have I told you?
FRANK: Hey!
Here we go.
Neighbors of Satan.
The day you pay rent like some of us, Frank,
you can play whatever shit you want.
But till then, if you pump it at this time of night--
Yeah.
--you play stuff that we like.
All right?
[music playing]
Are you getting it? - I get it.
All right!
[music playing]
He made me follow you up.
I know.
But he's right.
You can't drive now.
But Liam is in here somewhere.
Then the kids woke up.
Would you?
Liam, come out for breakfast.
LIAM: I won't! [inaudible]
You seen Ian?
He'd gone before I woke up.
His school uniform's [inaudible]..
Good morning.
Morning.
Hey, give me this.
Tell me if you're not a morning person.
It's not something I've had much experience of.
First time for everything.
How can that be good for you?
Or that?
Do you know what's not funny?
You, ever.
Anybody before Kash?
One.
Who?
I'm not telling you.
And actually up the ass?
'Cause-- look, I'm not taking a piss.
I've gone through a toilet roll, and that's just
one finger barely up the ring.
Scream the house down.
Do you get used to that?
Can you?
The whole point of the digestive system's about one-way traffic.
It just is.
What?
You-- it just is.
[inaudible] to a fucking [inaudible]..
[music playing]
[inaudible] eat your bacon.
LIP: [inaudible] Yummy!
What's all this?
Well, now-- well, Debbie's the only person
that gets up earlier than I do.
So, uh, we shot off downtown [inaudible] on the corner.
I said I never eat breakfast, and she said it's
her favorite meal of the day.
And since it's her birthday--
FIONA: [gasp] No, it's not.
I didn't say it was.
I said I wished it was.
Oh, right.
You wished it was.
Sorry, completely misheard that, Debs.
Perforated eardrum on the right.
My lady.
DEBBIE: Does anyone else want a drink?
STEVE: Eat your bacon.
You got 15 minutes, tops.
Ian, Lip, your turn to wash up.
Debbie, Carl, you need to put them things out.
FRANK: You know, somebody said show me a child
before he's seven, and I'll show you the man.
Well, my problem with kids is they're only seven months.
After that, it's a fucking nightmare, massive.
Well, one thing I'll say about my lot, though-- you know,
they've been raised to show respect.
And I like that.
It matters in our house.
[music playing]
Has anyone seen Dad since last night?
FRANK: Six kids to keep on top of.
You can't file Frank as a missing person.
He's always missing.
Oh, that is tight.
Sorry.
Is me dad in [inaudible] this afternoon?
Yeah, Frank [inaudible].
LIP: How was he looking when you left
him in the [inaudible], Steve?
FRANK: He can't be far.
He's never far.
WOMAN: Police, I've just found a body exactly
fitting Frank's description.
[screaming]
[music playing]
FRANK: You might be getting.
We've got a long way to go before you catch up with me.
[music playing]
For fuck's sake!