1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,003
What's it all about *

2
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,838
What's it all about *

3
00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:05,972
Alfie? *

4
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:08,641
Alfie? *

5
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:13,046
What's it all about *

6
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:15,115
When you sort it out *

7
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:17,685
Alfie? *

8
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,153
What's it all about? *

9
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:27,561
( smooth blues theme playing )

10
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:07,701
ALFIE: You're lucky, you know.

11
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,439
I rarely allow anyone
into my flat.

12
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:15,608
I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know.

13
00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:17,378
Humble digs.

14
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:21,548
Not exactly what you'd call
a "panty peeler."

15
00:01:22,915 --> 00:01:25,085
Do you know what I mean?

16
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,289
But it suits me just fine.

17
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:33,627
To be honest, I rarely spend
a night in my own bed anyway.

18
00:01:35,027 --> 00:01:36,463
You see, here's my theory.

19
00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:40,032
For most women, if a guy's
a good provider

20
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,534
and generally a nice chap,

21
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,404
six-pack abs really aren't
a deal-breaker.

22
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:46,307
On the flip side, however,

23
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,709
even though the PC boyfriend
sat next to you

24
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,745
with his arm slung around
your shoulder will deny it--

25
00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:57,550
And he will deny it. For us
boys, it's all about F.B.B.

26
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,224
Face. Boobs. Bum.

27
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,026
I'm just being honest.

28
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,927
It's been said that clothes

29
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,762
speak the international
language.

30
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:13,566
And I have to admit,
I'm a bit of a fashion whore.

31
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,203
Unfortunately,
today I've got work

32
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,205
and I have to tone it down
a little bit,

33
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:18,239
but that's all right.

34
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,374
Gucci. End-of-summer sale.

35
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:25,513
Very understated. And I can
easily spice it up with...

36
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:28,781
What? No, no. I know
what you are thinking.

37
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,284
If you ooze masculinity,
like some of us do,

38
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,221
you have no reason to fear pink.

39
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,788
Smashing.

40
00:02:35,988 --> 00:02:39,526
Now, in the cologne department,
most men overdo it.

41
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:44,164
Americans practically
spray it on with a crop-duster.

42
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:47,600
My rule: nothing above the neck,

43
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,471
though I do like a little splash
on Big Ben.

44
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:54,541
You never know
where the day may take you.

45
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,712
Almost forgot.

46
00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:01,682
New word for the day.

47
00:03:03,115 --> 00:03:05,519
"Ostentatious.

48
00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:09,722
The attempt to attract
attention to oneself."

49
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,560
Who? Me?

50
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:17,897
Oh, blimey. I'm so rude.
I haven't introduced myself.

51
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:20,434
I'm...
WOMAN: Alfie!

52
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,237
There you go. Alfie.

53
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:24,837
Are you the little elf

54
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:28,208
that left these
mocha bonbons on my doorstep?

55
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,676
No, no, no.

56
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,212
You must have a secret
admirer, Mrs. Schnitman.

57
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,080
You are such a doll, Alfie.

58
00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,616
But I'm supposed
to be on a diet.

59
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,718
Oh, on a diet?

60
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,051
A diet.
You?

61
00:03:39,151 --> 00:03:40,388
Yeah.

62
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,256
Now, I don't mean
to be forward, Lu,

63
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,056
but you should know by now

64
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:45,124
that a full-figured girl
like yourself

65
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,159
is every guy's secret fantasy.

66
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,430
Stop it.

67
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:50,764
So she's a tub of lard.

68
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,300
The ship's already sailed,

69
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,268
so why not make her
feel good about herself, right?

70
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,168
Oh, Lu?
Yes, angel?

71
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,438
I'm working the night spot

72
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,105
and my apartment
is a horror show,

73
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:02,042
so I'm sorry if I keep you up
with the dust-busting at 2 a.m.

74
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,311
Oh, don't you worry.

75
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,677
I'll give it a quick straighten.

76
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,514
Oh, no, no,
you don't need to do that.

77
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:10,350
Nonsense. I like
doing things for you, Alfie.

78
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:14,488
I'm a blessed man
having you in my life.

79
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,023
Thank you.

80
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,959
Keys are in the usual spot.

81
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:28,436
ALFIE:
Now, back home, you're always
hearing tales about some bloke

82
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:29,702
migrating to the States

83
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,772
and winding up
with buckets of money.

84
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:36,276
So not long ago, I packed up
my bucket and headed west.

85
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:40,348
Now, I must admit,
I had a second motive.

86
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,782
I'd always been told

87
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,017
that the most beautiful women
in the world...

88
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,687
...resided in Manhattan.

89
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,189
And when it comes
to shagging birds,

90
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,091
it's all about one thing:

91
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:57,163
Location, location, location.

92
00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:58,566
God, I love this city.

93
00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,300
All right, girls?

94
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,935
Just look around.

95
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,437
I mean, every one of them,

96
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:07,106
unique, special,
like snowflakes.

97
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:09,976
( laughs )

98
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:11,344
And with such a plethora--

99
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,147
Calendar word meaning abundance,

100
00:05:14,246 --> 00:05:16,183
of gorgeousness and diversity,

101
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,451
well, how could a man
ever choose

102
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,753
to settle down with just one?

103
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:25,024
I myself subscribe more to
the European philosophy of life.

104
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:29,161
My priorities leaning towards
wine, women--

105
00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:31,297
Well, actually, that's about it.

106
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:33,700
Wine and women.

107
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:40,040
Although, women and women
is always a fun option.

108
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:45,177
So...

109
00:05:45,277 --> 00:05:47,615
...to live life to the fullest,

110
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:52,119
I require only enough
to cover my modest expenses.

111
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:57,057
I've no desire to be the richest
stiff in the cemetery.

112
00:05:57,156 --> 00:06:00,360
( woman moaning )

113
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:10,604
I think this just might be
my favorite position.

114
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,106
I know it was
President Kennedy's.

115
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,809
He was such a great leader.

116
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,179
Of course, JFK used the old
"bad back" excuse,

117
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:23,082
but if you ask me, he knew
it gave you maximum pleasure

118
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,485
with minimum exertion.

119
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,420
What is it about
the back of a limo?

120
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:28,489
( laughs )

121
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:31,223
( moaning, giggling )

122
00:06:31,323 --> 00:06:34,727
Obligatory cuddling.

123
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,829
Thousand one,

124
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,198
thousand two...

125
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,502
Cripes. Hey, I've
gotta get cracking.

126
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,136
I've got a 10:00 pickup.

127
00:06:44,236 --> 00:06:45,405
You better hurry up.

128
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:49,409
You don't want
to keep her waiting.

129
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,843
Hmm. Wow!

130
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,344
Ow! ( laughs )

131
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:53,780
( laughs )

132
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,783
ALFIE:
Quite the number,
isn't she?

133
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:00,020
Yet she tells me

134
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,255
her old man hasn't shagged her
in six months.

135
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:05,592
Six months.

136
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:08,061
I mean, thank God there are
gentlemen like me around

137
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,862
to pick up the slack.

138
00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:14,001
Just look at her.
Legs like a racehorse.

139
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,769
Perfect yoga bum. I give her
my highest grade.

140
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,008
A minus.

141
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:33,185
Where did we tell the old man
we were going tonight?

142
00:07:33,285 --> 00:07:34,286
A movie.

143
00:07:34,386 --> 00:07:35,956
Treasure, please, no, no, no.

144
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,325
Stop messing about.
You'll ruin my presets.

145
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,392
Sorry.

146
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,894
What movie?

147
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,764
I don't know.
What's the difference?

148
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,934
The difference is
the more detail you give,

149
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,902
the less interested he'll be.

150
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,105
It wouldn't matter what I said.

151
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:54,440
It would never occur to Phil
that another man

152
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:55,976
would ever look twice at me.

153
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,877
Dor, darling,
you fishing for a compliment?

154
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,046
No.

155
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,480
You should know by now

156
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:04,351
they only come from me
when least expected.

157
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,053
Now, come and have a mint

158
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:09,188
so Phil doesn't smell
the Alfie on your breath.

159
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,992
I don't care if he does.

160
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,527
There's one thing that puts me
off marriage.

161
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,564
It's married women.

162
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,799
Dorie doesn't know it yet,

163
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,501
but you won't be seeing
much more of her.

164
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:25,204
I've got that
all-too-familiar feeling.

165
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,906
Sooner or later,

166
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,743
she'll be wanting a little
bit more than I'm able to give.

167
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:33,547
Wouldn't it be great if I was
going home with you tonight

168
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,849
instead of Phil the Pill?

169
00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:38,786
Yeah.

170
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:42,889
It's definitely time
to stage a disappearing act.

171
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,662
So next Tuesday,
same time, same place?

172
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,732
Oh, I'm sorry, love,
it's Fashion Week.

173
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:54,433
I'm booked double shifts.

174
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,169
I'll call you the instant
things let up.

175
00:08:56,268 --> 00:08:57,537
Okay.

176
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,971
In the meantime,

177
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:02,042
I left you a little souvenir
to remember me by.

178
00:09:06,478 --> 00:09:07,815
Oh, Dor?

179
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,484
Your derrière looks
really rather ravishing

180
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,888
from this vantage point.

181
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,224
( giggles )

182
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:18,926
See?

183
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:23,096
A compliment
when least expected.

184
00:09:29,268 --> 00:09:33,206
What can I say?
Happy as a pup with two tails.

185
00:09:33,305 --> 00:09:34,907
Hi.

186
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:38,477
And I think I've done old Phil
a bit of a favor too.

187
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,148
Of course, he'd be
the last to see it.

188
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:46,953
Never expect any thanks
in this life.

189
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:51,824
You know what I mean?
So Tuesday...

190
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:55,327
...10:03 p.m.

191
00:09:55,427 --> 00:10:00,600
Do I drag myself home
to a cold flat, empty fridge,

192
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,402
or nip across town

193
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:08,108
for a hot bath, warm body,
breakfast in bed?

194
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:11,210
Hmm...

195
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,181
Decisions, decisions...

196
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:25,892
Yeah, I think I'll pay a visit
to my semi-regular,

197
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:29,730
quasi, sort of girlfriend.

198
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:33,200
My sweet Julie.

199
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,269
( whistling )

200
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:37,671
Da-na!

201
00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:39,306
JULIE:
Let me guess.

202
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,606
Unexpected last-minute fare.

203
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:44,211
Yeah. She had me going
up and down for hours.

204
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,212
That supposed to be funny?

205
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,380
Because it is so very...

206
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,183
Not.

207
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,753
Hey!

208
00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:55,988
I'm not kidding, Alfie!

209
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,925
I'm not kidding.
I hate you sometimes.

210
00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,227
You have a very ostentatious way
of showing it.

211
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,262
Yeah, I sure do.

212
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,632
No, darling. Can we hit pause?

213
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,902
I just need a second to unwind.

214
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,740
Oh, I nicked half a bottle
of Stoli from the limo.

215
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,507
How do you want yours,
on the rocks?

216
00:11:14,606 --> 00:11:17,044
I just want my usual, Alfie.
Straight up.

217
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,811
No, I'm so totally knackered.

218
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:21,080
I'll make it up to you
in the morning.

219
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,283
Cross my heart.

220
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:27,855
But tonight, all I'm good for
is a bite to eat, hot bath

221
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,857
and a nice long sleep.

222
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:33,827
( upbeat reggae music playing
over radio )

223
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:47,106
You know, this isn't
a Holiday Inn, Alfie.

224
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,608
What's that again?

225
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:53,045
Where were you tonight? Really?

226
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:56,015
You've got to open a restaurant.
That's seriously delicious.

227
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,319
Thanks, Alfie. It's just chili.

228
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:01,788
Hey.

229
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,793
A little eye contact, please.

230
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,895
We have something here,

231
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:14,500
or am I just a glorified
booty call?

232
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,436
Hey.

233
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:20,908
Hey.

234
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,246
Here's what she's really saying.

235
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,646
She wants me to commit.

236
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,449
Translation:
Become "domestified."

237
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,384
Now, it doesn't do

238
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:36,323
to become dependent
on anybody in this life.

239
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:43,363
Change your nature,
you're a dead man.

240
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,367
Chili, please.

241
00:12:51,703 --> 00:12:54,875
Don't get me wrong.
She's adorable.

242
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:59,111
Cute? Absolutely.
But is it ever enough?

243
00:13:00,512 --> 00:13:04,151
I told you how we men are.
We want showstoppers.

244
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,987
And the problem is,
Julie hasn't got enough

245
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:10,389
of the superficial things
that really matter.

246
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,726
Oh, I don't deserve you.

247
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,429
Yeah, that's probably true.

248
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,367
Too bad I love you.

249
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,536
Oh, thanks, babe.

250
00:13:24,636 --> 00:13:26,173
Alfie.
What?

251
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:27,374
Alfie...

252
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:31,979
You're giving me
the "Thanks, babe."

253
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,347
You're giving me
the "Thanks, baby."

254
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,747
Calm down.

255
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,018
Don't tell me to calm down!
I know how you feel!

256
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,651
Wait a minute.
You're gonna wake up--

257
00:13:39,751 --> 00:13:41,153
BOY: Max.

258
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,323
Hey, little man.

259
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,556
Did we wake you up?

260
00:13:44,656 --> 00:13:46,158
Yes.

261
00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:53,400
Now, lads, learn
from my mistake.

262
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,635
Never get involved
with a single mum.

263
00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:59,372
See, they come with accessories,

264
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,840
some of which can be...

265
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:06,479
...unfortunately, irresistible.

266
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,358
Hey, half-price Tuesday!

267
00:14:23,695 --> 00:14:25,098
Sights like that

268
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:28,735
make you realize
we all have an expiration date.

269
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:32,338
And women do have a shorter
shelf life than men, don't they?

270
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,607
I think that's what Julie
was banging on about yesterday.

271
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,647
Elegant Limousine and Chauffeur.

272
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:45,085
This is where I make
my reasonably honest living.

273
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,718
Standards of elegance

274
00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:49,221
has taken quite a pounding,
wouldn't you say?

275
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:50,390
I know.

276
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,125
Believe me,
it's merely a stepping stone.

277
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,095
Currently parked on one
of those stepping stones

278
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:58,230
is my best mate and future
business partner,

279
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:00,433
Marlon.

280
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:06,473
Black. Like Lonette's skin...

281
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,210
...which I will
never again touch.

282
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,379
( sighs )

283
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:16,649
I'm afraid you're not meeting
my man on top form.

284
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:19,885
See, Marlon's
got a problem.

285
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,088
Cross the threshold *

286
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:24,890
I slipped and fell too far *

287
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:29,662
Now there's no light
Coming from up above *

288
00:15:29,761 --> 00:15:31,063
Here I am *

289
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,066
ALFIE:
It's called Lonette.

290
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,136
And very recently,
it dumped him.

291
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:38,605
Oh, dear. Come on,
what was it this time?

292
00:15:39,671 --> 00:15:41,608
Three a.m., begging,
Uh-huh.

293
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:42,942
at her front door.

294
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,877
Level of inebriation?
Vomiting.

295
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:47,214
Right. So let me
get this straight.

296
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,082
You were at
her front door,

297
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:51,651
three a.m. in the morning,
begging and vomiting?

298
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:56,056
And what, she wasn't
charmed by that?

299
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,789
( chuckles )

300
00:15:57,889 --> 00:16:02,529
WING:
Alfie? Why is there
no Stoli in car number two?

301
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,264
I've no idea.

302
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,734
Oi, I gotta watch this guy
like a hawk.

303
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,001
( chuckles )

304
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:10,537
That little chap's name is Wing.

305
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:14,207
My boss and owner
of this tragic enterprise.

306
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,475
Wipe that car good!

307
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,477
Owner, that is,
till me and Marlon

308
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,080
swing a loan and buy it out
from underneath his scrawny--

309
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,948
Hello? You miss bird shit.

310
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:26,185
( woman speaks Chinese )

311
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,487
Wing.

312
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,621
He's barking mad.

313
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,592
Check out the way he talks
to the little woman.

314
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,561
( speaking Chinese )

315
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,630
She's given him her best years,
cooked his chop suey,

316
00:16:37,729 --> 00:16:38,765
helped with the business,

317
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:40,067
and I bet at one time

318
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,967
he couldn't wait
to rip off her kimono.

319
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,703
And now look at him.

320
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:51,711
And I'm supposed to respect
the institution of marriage?

321
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,748
ALFIE: That's
a great figure, man.

322
00:16:56,848 --> 00:17:01,020
We swing that loan, cash
your IRA, I hock my Vespa...

323
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,023
We're gonna take Wing
by surprise

324
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,359
with an offer like this.

325
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,733
I could've predicted this.

326
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,537
See, Marlon and Lonette have
reached that critical 18-month

327
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,971
"Where are we going, what are we
doing, what's happening here?"

328
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,109
crisis point
that rears its ugly head

329
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,442
in every relationship.

330
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,745
Lonette wanted ring, home, baby.

331
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,681
Marlon wanted another 18 months

332
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:32,152
to make sure nothing better
was coming his way.

333
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,520
I fucked up egregiously.

334
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,690
I see you're making the most
of that birthday calendar.

335
00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:40,392
By the time he realized
he'd made a mistake

336
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:43,395
and he wanted her back...

337
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:44,930
...it was too late.

338
00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:47,234
Hey, stranger.

339
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,469
Hey.

340
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:57,644
Carol.

341
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,045
Carol! Hi, Carol.

342
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,080
CAROL: Hi.
ALFIE: Hiya.

343
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,416
You look wonderful.

344
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,223
So, Carol, well, it's nice
to see you again. You be well.

345
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,367
What's up with that?

346
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:24,904
Put it this way, the show closed
after one performance only.

347
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:26,839
Do I even wanna know why?

348
00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:30,542
No. Come on, it would be less
than discreet to tell you why.

349
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,112
Hair on the arms.

350
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,481
Seriously. Long, thick--

351
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,883
What are you talking about?

352
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,850
You don't have hair
on your arms?

353
00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:41,721
You're looking
very lovely tonight.

354
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,223
Thank you.

355
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,834
Dude, the iron door
has slammed shut, man.

356
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,240
Classic, isn't it?

357
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,140
Now that he can't have her,

358
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,643
he thinks he can't live
without her.

359
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,745
Some people are funny.

360
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:09,281
Marlon's predicament
got me thinking

361
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,218
about my own situation.

362
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:18,857
Maybe-- Maybe it was time
to stoke the home fires.

363
00:19:21,092 --> 00:19:23,995
Anybody in the mood
for a little Alfie, straight up?

364
00:19:24,095 --> 00:19:27,267
JULIE:
Uh, this isn't
a good time, Alfie.

365
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:28,867
Got a lot on my mind.

366
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:32,339
Oh, God. Yeah, I really
hate when that happens.

367
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:35,073
Open up, baby.

368
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:38,378
You look seriously beautiful.

369
00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:40,111
Not tonight, Alfred.

370
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,315
What's the matter? Tell me.

371
00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:45,150
I don't-- I'm just--
Well, I guess I'm-- I'm just...

372
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:49,222
I'm just seeing red.

373
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,458
( door slams )

374
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,397
( thunder crashes )

375
00:19:57,496 --> 00:20:00,233
( dog barking in distance )

376
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,906
ALFIE:
I mean, the poor guy,
he's dying.

377
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:10,076
Come on, haven't you--?
You've tortured him long enough.

378
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,910
Alfie, he should've
thought about all that

379
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,181
before he was screwing around
with that ex-girlfriend of his.

380
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,349
Those fake-ass, $5 titties.

381
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,018
Those are fake?

382
00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:20,852
Hello?

383
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:24,189
Wow, I'm devastated.
They've got, like...

384
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,525
Alfie, you're supposed to be

385
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,192
consoling my devastation,
remember?

386
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:30,463
Yeah, I am. Look, he came back,
didn't he?

387
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,099
Begging, crawling
on his knees, vomiting--

388
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:35,100
I don't care.

389
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,836
I'm sorry,
I'm not that easy.

390
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,272
I don't forgive,
and I definitely do not forget.

391
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,774
Is okay if I leave now, miss?
Oh, sí, Felix.

392
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,975
Hit the lights on your way out,
por favor.

393
00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:45,711
Sí.

394
00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:51,116
I better go.

395
00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:54,052
It's really coming down
out there.

396
00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:56,022
Yeah.

397
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,056
And I'm wearing suede.

398
00:20:58,156 --> 00:20:59,759
( chuckles )

399
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,260
ALFIE:
You're telling the truth.
That's brilliant.

400
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,130
( Lonette laughs )

401
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:06,098
Okay. I got one.

402
00:21:06,197 --> 00:21:08,768
I never swam
in the Pacific Ocean.

403
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,069
Me neither.

404
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,838
Oh, shit. Okay.

405
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,805
( Teddy Pendergrass' "Love
T.K.O." playing over jukebox )

406
00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:19,411
Okay. I've never seen
a James Bond movie.

407
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,315
You're joking.
Not even a Sean Connery?

408
00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:23,883
Uh-uh.
You serious?

409
00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:28,521
Wow, I don't know
if that's magic or tragic.

410
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,121
( laughing )

411
00:21:30,221 --> 00:21:32,459
Okay. Five-four. My go.

412
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:35,362
I've never made my own bed.

413
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:38,129
Oh, bullshit.
No, I repeat.

414
00:21:38,229 --> 00:21:40,066
I've never made my own bed.

415
00:21:40,165 --> 00:21:41,568
What kind of mama you got?

416
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:44,736
That's a good question.

417
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:50,076
( laughs )

418
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:53,846
Let's see. All right.

419
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:55,146
I got something for you.

420
00:21:55,246 --> 00:21:56,516
All right.

421
00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:59,618
I've never had sex...

422
00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:03,055
I've never had sex
with two people in one night.

423
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:06,359
Six-five, your favor.

424
00:22:06,459 --> 00:22:08,728
( laughs ) Gotcha.

425
00:22:10,862 --> 00:22:13,765
So, Alfie, what's the most
you've had in one night?

426
00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:20,672
We've stopped playing the game,
haven't we?

427
00:22:24,411 --> 00:22:28,814
Am I wrong, or is there a little
innocent flirting going on here?

428
00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:33,453
'Cause you lose all thoughts,
sense of time *

429
00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:36,688
And have a change of mind *

430
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:45,998
Driftin' on a memory *

431
00:22:46,097 --> 00:22:51,070
Ain't no place I'd rather be
Than with you *

432
00:22:51,169 --> 00:22:54,073
Yeah *

433
00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:57,776
Loving you *

434
00:22:59,277 --> 00:23:01,112
( Lonette laughs )

435
00:23:01,212 --> 00:23:05,084
Day will make a way for night *

436
00:23:05,952 --> 00:23:08,521
See, if I had
that kind of talent...

437
00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:10,723
And a song *

438
00:23:10,822 --> 00:23:12,358
Go on, finish your sentence.

439
00:23:12,459 --> 00:23:14,126
If I had that kind of talent,

440
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:18,029
and I looked like you...

441
00:23:18,130 --> 00:23:19,632
And a song *

442
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,099
...I would be
strutting my stuff...

443
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,167
Oh, yeah?

444
00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:23,436
...on a stage.

445
00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:25,972
Alone with a lover *

446
00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:29,275
Unlike no other *

447
00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:32,243
Sad to see *

448
00:23:32,343 --> 00:23:34,080
A new horizon *

449
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:39,718
Slowly coming into view *

450
00:23:39,818 --> 00:23:41,120
Yeah *

451
00:23:41,219 --> 00:23:43,089
I wanna be living *

452
00:23:44,255 --> 00:23:45,625
( screams )

453
00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:47,225
ALFIE: Trust me,
what happens next

454
00:23:47,325 --> 00:23:48,461
was the furthest thing
from my mind

455
00:23:48,561 --> 00:23:51,030
when I dropped by tonight.

456
00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:54,733
But then I thought to myself,

457
00:23:55,635 --> 00:23:57,302
"You know what?

458
00:23:57,402 --> 00:23:59,972
"If this will help her get past
her anger towards Marlon,

459
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:03,842
"I owe it to both of them,
as a friend, right?

460
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:06,078
To do whatever I can to help."

461
00:24:06,177 --> 00:24:09,516
That touches me
When the morning comes *

462
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:12,819
Feels good to me, yeah *

463
00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:15,386
ALFIE: I find that, lately,

464
00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:18,924
even lying to myself
comes easily.

465
00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:25,396
Smoother than a gentle breeze *

466
00:24:25,498 --> 00:24:28,099
Flowin' through my mind
with ease *

467
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,868
Soft as can be *

468
00:24:30,902 --> 00:24:32,071
Well *

469
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:35,474
When you're lovin' me,
When you're lovin' me *

470
00:24:35,575 --> 00:24:37,544
( sighs )

471
00:24:39,579 --> 00:24:41,981
Love to be *

472
00:24:42,081 --> 00:24:48,588
Ridin' the waves of your love
Enchanted with your touch *

473
00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:51,090
And it seems to me *

474
00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:52,659
( sighs )

475
00:24:52,759 --> 00:24:57,029
We could sail together
in and out of mystery *

476
00:25:00,331 --> 00:25:03,802
I wanna be livin' *

477
00:25:06,972 --> 00:25:10,977
ALFIE:
The next morning, and I can't
get last night out of my mind.

478
00:25:11,077 --> 00:25:15,848
Try desperately to focus on
something else, anything else.

479
00:25:15,947 --> 00:25:17,716
Anything to get my mind off

480
00:25:17,817 --> 00:25:19,886
my best friend's
incredibly hot,

481
00:25:19,985 --> 00:25:24,656
best-ass-I've-ever-seen-
in-my-life girlfriend.

482
00:25:25,791 --> 00:25:28,060
MARLON: Alfie. Alfie.

483
00:25:28,828 --> 00:25:29,829
Alfie!

484
00:25:29,928 --> 00:25:31,462
Shall I pretend
I can't hear him?

485
00:25:31,564 --> 00:25:34,066
Dude.

486
00:25:34,166 --> 00:25:35,101
Hey!

487
00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:36,935
Too late. Too late.

488
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,671
Dude, would you slow down?

489
00:25:38,770 --> 00:25:41,173
Hey, Marly, what's up?

490
00:25:41,272 --> 00:25:42,709
"Marly"?

491
00:25:42,809 --> 00:25:44,275
Hey, listen,
I gotta talk to you.

492
00:25:44,375 --> 00:25:46,511
You know what? You ain't going
nowhere till you tell me

493
00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:47,546
what went down last night.

494
00:25:47,647 --> 00:25:48,681
Down last night?

495
00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:50,448
Dude, don't mess with me.

496
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,652
What happened with Lonette?

497
00:25:53,586 --> 00:25:55,154
Have you ever heard
the word "knock"?

498
00:25:55,254 --> 00:25:56,955
What went down?

499
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:59,191
What? Nothing.
"What happened?"

500
00:25:59,290 --> 00:26:00,458
We had a few shots.

501
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:01,560
Missus give me
silent treatment.

502
00:26:02,628 --> 00:26:04,229
Little she know,

503
00:26:04,329 --> 00:26:06,265
not hearing constant "blah,
blah, blah" is gift from heaven.

504
00:26:06,364 --> 00:26:07,733
You keep it up.

505
00:26:07,834 --> 00:26:10,335
Keep it up, mate, it'll work.
Alfie, what happened?

506
00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:15,041
Oh, fuck a duck, man.
Look, I...

507
00:26:15,975 --> 00:26:17,409
I drank a lot last night.

508
00:26:17,508 --> 00:26:19,245
Drunk.

509
00:26:19,344 --> 00:26:22,013
I... Well, I...

510
00:26:23,449 --> 00:26:25,652
I really-- I don't remember.

511
00:26:25,752 --> 00:26:27,352
Dude, you did
something to her.

512
00:26:27,453 --> 00:26:28,553
No.

513
00:26:28,655 --> 00:26:29,721
Oh, yeah, you did.

514
00:26:29,822 --> 00:26:31,190
Because she shows up
at my house

515
00:26:31,289 --> 00:26:33,125
at 4 in the morning,
saying that she wanted me back.

516
00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:36,595
She even said
that if I needed more time,

517
00:26:36,696 --> 00:26:38,631
that she understood completely.

518
00:26:39,699 --> 00:26:41,933
How fucking crazy.

519
00:26:43,636 --> 00:26:44,936
Chalk one up for the blokes.

520
00:26:45,036 --> 00:26:48,207
Thanks to me,
Marlon won the game.

521
00:26:48,307 --> 00:26:51,210
Which means he's off scot-free,
and so am I.

522
00:26:51,310 --> 00:26:52,911
This is a bloody miracle.
That's fantastic. Fantastic.

523
00:26:53,011 --> 00:26:54,714
Come on, what did you say
to her?

524
00:26:54,814 --> 00:26:56,581
Look, look. It's all good.

525
00:26:56,683 --> 00:26:58,617
Come on, what did you say?

526
00:27:00,386 --> 00:27:01,620
I asked her to marry me.

527
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:10,328
You know you're
my best man, right?

528
00:27:11,062 --> 00:27:13,331
ALFIE: Moral of the story:

529
00:27:13,432 --> 00:27:16,902
No good deed goes unpunished.

530
00:27:17,704 --> 00:27:20,807
( mellow rock theme playing )

531
00:27:36,723 --> 00:27:40,159
( all cheer and applaud )

532
00:28:12,591 --> 00:28:14,793
ALFIE:
New word for the day?

533
00:28:16,728 --> 00:28:18,430
"Resilience:

534
00:28:18,529 --> 00:28:24,003
The ability to readily recover
after disappointment or loss."

535
00:28:25,504 --> 00:28:28,074
Capacity to spring back.

536
00:28:28,173 --> 00:28:31,243
Understand, it's not
about replacing Julie.

537
00:28:31,342 --> 00:28:34,445
I just wanna get back
to the simple life:

538
00:28:34,545 --> 00:28:37,448
women who mean nothing to me.

539
00:28:39,117 --> 00:28:40,651
So I've struck up a friendship

540
00:28:40,753 --> 00:28:43,422
with a nightclub hostess
called Uta.

541
00:28:43,521 --> 00:28:45,023
Hello, Uta.

542
00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:48,227
( N.E.R.D.'s "Don't Worry
About It" playing )

543
00:28:48,327 --> 00:28:52,765
See, I know I got
Those other girls *

544
00:28:52,865 --> 00:28:56,502
But I wanna learn from you *

545
00:28:59,170 --> 00:29:01,440
Now, as a heat-seeking bachelor,

546
00:29:01,539 --> 00:29:03,909
I have to live
by some very simple rules.

547
00:29:04,009 --> 00:29:06,978
Alfie Elkins' credo
or philosophy,

548
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:10,448
which is probably best summed up
by the only advice

549
00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:12,251
my father ever gave me.

550
00:29:12,350 --> 00:29:17,455
He said, "Son, whenever you
meet a beautiful woman...

551
00:29:18,389 --> 00:29:20,059
"...just remember,

552
00:29:20,158 --> 00:29:22,761
somewhere there's a bloke
who's sick of shagging her."

553
00:29:22,862 --> 00:29:24,263
Can I help you, man?

554
00:29:24,363 --> 00:29:25,596
G and T, please.

555
00:29:25,696 --> 00:29:29,368
Explain to me what everyone sees
in that Eurotrash?

556
00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:33,404
If you don't wanna
Give it up *

557
00:29:33,505 --> 00:29:34,505
Don't worry about it *

558
00:29:34,605 --> 00:29:35,975
Worry about it *

559
00:29:36,074 --> 00:29:37,443
Don't worry about it *

560
00:29:37,543 --> 00:29:38,576
Worry about it *

561
00:29:38,676 --> 00:29:40,011
See *

562
00:29:40,111 --> 00:29:42,580
I know I got
Those other girls *

563
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,516
But I wanna learn from you *

564
00:29:47,585 --> 00:29:51,457
I think it's incredibly unfair
that it's acceptable for men

565
00:29:51,557 --> 00:29:53,059
to be sexually experimental,

566
00:29:53,158 --> 00:29:55,026
then with a woman,
if she wants to try something,

567
00:29:55,126 --> 00:29:58,163
a kiss or...a three--
A threesome,

568
00:29:58,263 --> 00:29:59,730
you know, that they'd be judged.

569
00:29:59,832 --> 00:30:01,433
I wouldn't judge them.

570
00:30:01,532 --> 00:30:04,003
And I think if you two were to
kiss, I would-- I would just--

571
00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:08,907
I would just see it
as a thing of beauty.

572
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:12,978
Although I'm living
every guy's Rat Pack fantasy,

573
00:30:13,078 --> 00:30:15,446
something feels a bit off.

574
00:30:15,547 --> 00:30:18,016
And throwing myself
back into the old lifestyle

575
00:30:18,117 --> 00:30:20,518
isn't going quite as smoothly
as I'd hoped.

576
00:30:20,619 --> 00:30:22,321
Sorry.

577
00:30:22,421 --> 00:30:24,589
I'm sorry.

578
00:30:24,690 --> 00:30:27,458
You carry on without me.

579
00:30:27,559 --> 00:30:30,196
Oh, my loves, I--

580
00:30:30,295 --> 00:30:33,531
I don't know what happened.
This is so unlike me.

581
00:30:34,232 --> 00:30:38,037
Yeah, you-- You two just...

582
00:30:44,309 --> 00:30:48,313
I used to think there was
nothing worse than death.

583
00:30:50,648 --> 00:30:54,020
Then, from out of nowhere...

584
00:30:55,786 --> 00:30:57,322
...the unthinkable.

585
00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:03,495
Now I really don't get
what everyone sees in you.

586
00:31:06,597 --> 00:31:10,068
It just keeps on happening
and happening.

587
00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:14,206
Or more accurately, not
happening and not happening.

588
00:31:15,907 --> 00:31:19,644
This never happens, Uta.
Honestly, never.

589
00:31:22,580 --> 00:31:24,082
Honestly.

590
00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:27,053
Not the word around town...

591
00:31:28,921 --> 00:31:31,022
...peewee.

592
00:31:35,027 --> 00:31:36,963
Mr. Elkins?
Yes.

593
00:31:37,063 --> 00:31:39,398
Miranda Kulp.

594
00:31:40,466 --> 00:31:42,133
Miranda.

595
00:31:42,233 --> 00:31:45,071
The penis doctor is a he with
a little bit of she thrown in.

596
00:31:45,171 --> 00:31:46,572
So I understand

597
00:31:46,672 --> 00:31:48,339
you're experiencing
some erectile dysfunction.

598
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,376
I am experiencing a little--
A little--

599
00:31:51,477 --> 00:31:54,779
A little bit of--
What you just said.

600
00:31:54,879 --> 00:31:56,647
Not to worry.
That's my area of expertise.

601
00:31:56,747 --> 00:31:58,383
So have you been under

602
00:31:58,484 --> 00:32:01,920
any unusual emotional stress
lately, Mr. Elkins?

603
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:05,157
Stress? Emotional? Me? No.

604
00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:06,325
Never.

605
00:32:07,626 --> 00:32:12,030
Well, unless you count that
recent chat I had with Julie.

606
00:32:12,130 --> 00:32:14,199
I can't see you anymore, Alfie.

607
00:32:15,801 --> 00:32:16,735
Why? You angry?

608
00:32:16,835 --> 00:32:18,136
No, I'm really not angry.

609
00:32:18,237 --> 00:32:22,407
Just, you know,
we want different things.

610
00:32:22,508 --> 00:32:26,411
And I can't have you traipsing
in and out of Max's life.

611
00:32:31,117 --> 00:32:32,451
You've changed your hair,
haven't you?

612
00:32:32,551 --> 00:32:34,020
Mm-hm.

613
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,386
You have, haven't you?
No, you have.

614
00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:37,956
You've changed your hairdo.
You cut it?

615
00:32:38,057 --> 00:32:39,992
It looks gorgeous.

616
00:32:40,092 --> 00:32:42,827
Thanks.
How come you...?

617
00:32:42,927 --> 00:32:45,597
How come you never had it like
that when we were together?

618
00:32:45,696 --> 00:32:48,500
I really gotta go.

619
00:32:52,171 --> 00:32:54,140
Well, I guess...

620
00:32:55,141 --> 00:32:56,542
...you need these back.

621
00:32:58,843 --> 00:33:01,047
Thank you.

622
00:33:05,617 --> 00:33:07,218
Alfie?

623
00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:09,188
Are you gonna be okay?

624
00:33:10,088 --> 00:33:14,460
Yeah. No worries.
I'm always okay.

625
00:33:18,164 --> 00:33:19,531
DR. KULP: Alrighty,

626
00:33:19,630 --> 00:33:23,235
let's take a gander
at that penis of yours.

627
00:33:30,042 --> 00:33:31,510
I see.

628
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:33,612
Oh!

629
00:33:33,711 --> 00:33:36,115
Whoa. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

630
00:33:36,215 --> 00:33:37,915
Hello!
Well.

631
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:40,451
It seems we have liftoff.

632
00:33:40,552 --> 00:33:41,919
It seems we do.

633
00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:43,722
Wunderschon.

634
00:33:43,821 --> 00:33:45,256
What a relief.

635
00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:47,325
Well, I mean,
if he can give me a stiffy,

636
00:33:47,425 --> 00:33:48,926
I should have
no problem keeping it up

637
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:51,530
for the target demographic,
shouldn't I?

638
00:33:51,630 --> 00:33:54,265
Well, there doesn't appear to be
anything physiologically wrong.

639
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:55,601
No.

640
00:33:55,701 --> 00:33:56,802
So, in short,

641
00:33:56,901 --> 00:33:58,036
we can be fairly certain

642
00:33:58,137 --> 00:33:59,171
your problem was
simply stress-related.

643
00:33:59,270 --> 00:34:01,872
Translation: Julie-related.

644
00:34:01,972 --> 00:34:04,575
Like I always say,
if they don't get you one way,

645
00:34:04,676 --> 00:34:05,911
they'll get you another.

646
00:34:06,011 --> 00:34:06,844
Um...

647
00:34:06,945 --> 00:34:09,381
However...

648
00:34:10,349 --> 00:34:12,183
I did feel something...

649
00:34:12,284 --> 00:34:14,485
...a little kooky.

650
00:34:14,585 --> 00:34:16,721
Kooky?

651
00:34:16,821 --> 00:34:19,091
There is nothing
to get upset about, Mr. Elkins.

652
00:34:19,658 --> 00:34:21,959
I thought I felt...

653
00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:23,828
a lump...

654
00:34:25,164 --> 00:34:27,233
...on your penis.

655
00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:30,535
But with any luck,
it will be nothing.

656
00:34:31,769 --> 00:34:35,207
The words "lump" and "penis"
in the same sentence.

657
00:34:35,306 --> 00:34:38,076
There's something
you don't hear every day.

658
00:34:39,377 --> 00:34:43,215
ALFIE: And so young Alfred
got an early Yuletide gift.

659
00:34:43,314 --> 00:34:44,949
( melancholy rock theme
playing )

660
00:34:45,049 --> 00:34:46,752
A penis biopsy.

661
00:34:46,852 --> 00:34:49,887
I get my test results
in three days-- Well, five.

662
00:34:49,987 --> 00:34:53,924
Five, counting the weekend.
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.

663
00:34:54,024 --> 00:34:56,961
How am I gonna stop myself
going completely bonkers?

664
00:34:57,061 --> 00:34:58,896
I'll be fine.

665
00:34:58,996 --> 00:35:01,099
I'll be fine.

666
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,202
I'm a young man.

667
00:35:03,301 --> 00:35:05,237
( groans )

668
00:35:05,337 --> 00:35:08,240
Shift focus, Alfie. Shift--

669
00:35:08,339 --> 00:35:10,676
Let's go, kids. Let's go.

670
00:35:17,416 --> 00:35:20,686
Oh! Move along, children.
Look straight ahead.

671
00:35:20,786 --> 00:35:23,855
Come on. Do not look at the man.
Look straight ahead.

672
00:35:23,954 --> 00:35:29,093
In the meantime, perhaps
I'm safer hobbling on home.

673
00:35:29,195 --> 00:35:30,895
( truck horn blares )

674
00:35:39,638 --> 00:35:42,174
( groans )

675
00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:47,111
Alfie, dear, what's wrong?
You look like death warmed over.

676
00:35:47,213 --> 00:35:50,216
No, I've-- I've got a bit of
a football injury, that's all.

677
00:35:50,316 --> 00:35:52,251
Mrs. Schnitman--
Hello, Mrs. Liberman.

678
00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:54,084
You two look lovely.
Where you going?

679
00:35:54,186 --> 00:35:55,287
Shopping.
You need anything?

680
00:35:55,386 --> 00:35:57,488
I'm fine.

681
00:36:00,024 --> 00:36:01,260
Hello.

682
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,428
Can I talk to you
for a minute?

683
00:36:03,529 --> 00:36:05,797
Ladies, this is
my friend Lonette.

684
00:36:05,897 --> 00:36:09,067
She's lovely. Good for you,
dating an African-American.

685
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:10,201
( laughs )

686
00:36:10,301 --> 00:36:11,836
Yeah.

687
00:36:13,639 --> 00:36:15,206
Hey. Hey, girl.

688
00:36:16,074 --> 00:36:17,643
I missed you.

689
00:36:17,743 --> 00:36:21,347
Don't mind us. We're not here.
You kids keep talking.

690
00:36:21,446 --> 00:36:23,048
Very nice to meet you.

691
00:36:23,147 --> 00:36:24,283
See you, Mrs. Liberman.

692
00:36:24,382 --> 00:36:26,083
Shop till you drop, girls.

693
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:28,920
( laughs )

694
00:36:29,019 --> 00:36:31,456
So how have you been?

695
00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:35,426
I'm pregnant.

696
00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:37,763
ALFIE:
It seems to me

697
00:36:37,863 --> 00:36:40,030
the problems
you worry yourself sick about

698
00:36:40,130 --> 00:36:42,234
never seem to materialize.

699
00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:44,870
It's the ones
that catch you unexpectedly

700
00:36:44,970 --> 00:36:46,238
on a Wednesday afternoon

701
00:36:46,338 --> 00:36:48,740
that knock you sideways.

702
00:36:50,107 --> 00:36:51,977
I offered
to face the music with her

703
00:36:52,076 --> 00:36:53,177
but she wanted to go it alone.

704
00:36:53,279 --> 00:36:55,347
( sniffs )

705
00:36:55,446 --> 00:36:57,283
( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"The Blind Leading the Blind"
playing )

706
00:36:57,383 --> 00:36:58,683
When the chips are down *

707
00:36:58,784 --> 00:37:00,352
And you're blinded
On your feet *

708
00:37:00,451 --> 00:37:02,220
You're standing up
And walking *

709
00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:06,358
But you know
You are dead beat *

710
00:37:06,457 --> 00:37:08,294
The sky is busting *

711
00:37:08,393 --> 00:37:10,562
It's near the break of day *

712
00:37:10,661 --> 00:37:12,631
You're running low
On options *

713
00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:15,066
ALFIE: We both knew
that if the baby was born

714
00:37:15,165 --> 00:37:16,667
with any white-boy features,

715
00:37:16,767 --> 00:37:20,238
it would mean the end
of Lonette and Marlon.

716
00:37:20,339 --> 00:37:24,543
Not to mention your host
for this evening.

717
00:37:25,311 --> 00:37:26,978
But standing in the cold,

718
00:37:27,077 --> 00:37:30,180
I find myself having regrets,

719
00:37:30,282 --> 00:37:31,917
thinking thoughts like,

720
00:37:32,016 --> 00:37:35,921
"Here's another kid you'll
never get a chance to know.

721
00:37:36,021 --> 00:37:37,423
Your own."

722
00:37:37,523 --> 00:37:41,460
Like the blind *

723
00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:46,465
Leading the blind *

724
00:37:47,933 --> 00:37:50,936
Time after time *

725
00:37:53,137 --> 00:37:56,206
Won't let the love in *

726
00:37:56,308 --> 00:37:57,976
Didn't take long.

727
00:37:58,075 --> 00:38:00,846
( whispers ):
Yeah.

728
00:38:06,384 --> 00:38:08,453
Bloody hell,
you're freezing.

729
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:12,990
How do you feel?

730
00:38:13,091 --> 00:38:15,960
Empty.

731
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:30,609
That night in the bar,

732
00:38:30,708 --> 00:38:33,379
I thought I was getting
something for nothing.

733
00:38:34,580 --> 00:38:38,417
Doesn't seem to have worked out
that way, does it?

734
00:38:45,055 --> 00:38:47,826
( phone ringing )

735
00:38:47,926 --> 00:38:51,161
WOMAN: Good morning,
Dr. Kulp's office.

736
00:38:51,261 --> 00:38:52,464
ALFIE:
Oh, man.

737
00:38:52,563 --> 00:38:54,099
If everything turns out okay,

738
00:38:54,198 --> 00:38:57,735
maybe this little brush
with mortality is a sign.

739
00:38:57,836 --> 00:39:02,340
I should think about making--
Making some changes.

740
00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:04,609
Possibly.

741
00:39:05,142 --> 00:39:06,444
Next week.

742
00:39:06,545 --> 00:39:09,146
Excuse me, did I just--?
Did you just look at me?

743
00:39:09,247 --> 00:39:10,448
Did I just notice you turn away?

744
00:39:10,548 --> 00:39:12,116
If you know
the results to my tests,

745
00:39:12,217 --> 00:39:13,283
and they're telling you--

746
00:39:13,384 --> 00:39:15,620
Mr. Elkins.
Please. Please.

747
00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:21,058
Mr. Elkins, for the millionth
time, sit down.

748
00:39:21,159 --> 00:39:23,794
Mr. Belson,
I have a cancellation

749
00:39:23,895 --> 00:39:25,796
on Tuesday at 11:30.

750
00:39:26,598 --> 00:39:27,798
I'm gonna be fine.

751
00:39:27,899 --> 00:39:29,834
Would you like me
to slot you in then?

752
00:39:29,935 --> 00:39:31,301
I just feel it.

753
00:39:31,403 --> 00:39:33,638
Thank you.
Goodbye.

754
00:39:41,111 --> 00:39:43,415
I'll just be a minute. Or ten.

755
00:39:43,515 --> 00:39:44,849
( laughs )

756
00:39:44,950 --> 00:39:46,384
It's all right.
Take your time.

757
00:39:46,485 --> 00:39:47,486
I don't have a choice.

758
00:39:47,586 --> 00:39:50,254
I used to pee. Now I trickle.

759
00:39:50,354 --> 00:39:52,256
I'm Joe. What's your name?

760
00:39:52,356 --> 00:39:54,092
Alfie.

761
00:39:54,191 --> 00:39:56,694
So how you doing, Alfie?

762
00:39:56,794 --> 00:39:59,064
Hanging in.
( laughs )

763
00:39:59,164 --> 00:40:00,297
You?
Shitty.

764
00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:02,400
( laughs )

765
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,202
Yeah, me too.

766
00:40:04,301 --> 00:40:06,104
Me too.

767
00:40:06,203 --> 00:40:07,705
I like
the bolo tie.

768
00:40:07,806 --> 00:40:10,841
Oh, thanks.
I have a collection.

769
00:40:12,978 --> 00:40:15,914
You know, when you're old,
you learn to be patient.

770
00:40:16,013 --> 00:40:19,116
Yeah. Used to be I never
had time for nothing.

771
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:20,250
Go, go, go.

772
00:40:20,350 --> 00:40:22,119
I know that feeling.
Yeah.

773
00:40:22,220 --> 00:40:25,255
My wife was always hawking me
to take a little vacation:

774
00:40:25,355 --> 00:40:27,057
Hawaii, Reno...

775
00:40:27,158 --> 00:40:29,528
I always said,
"Next year, Evie, next year.

776
00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,963
I got too much on my platter."

777
00:40:32,062 --> 00:40:35,133
I always thought
I'd have more time.

778
00:40:35,232 --> 00:40:36,535
Then one Sunday night,

779
00:40:36,635 --> 00:40:39,070
she takes the pot roast
out of the oven,

780
00:40:39,169 --> 00:40:43,108
yells, "Soup's on,"
and slumps to the kitchen floor.

781
00:40:43,208 --> 00:40:45,342
Just like that.

782
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:47,377
Dead as disco.

783
00:40:47,479 --> 00:40:49,747
Jesus,
I'm sorry.

784
00:40:49,847 --> 00:40:52,249
I tried picking up
the pieces,

785
00:40:52,349 --> 00:40:54,052
even went
to Waikiki alone

786
00:40:54,152 --> 00:40:58,456
on the 8-day cruise package
she was always yakking about.

787
00:40:58,557 --> 00:41:01,026
Couldn't get Evie
out of my mind.

788
00:41:01,126 --> 00:41:03,595
( chuckles )

789
00:41:04,563 --> 00:41:07,098
There's two things
I learned in life, kid:

790
00:41:07,197 --> 00:41:08,967
You find someone to love,

791
00:41:09,066 --> 00:41:12,570
and live every day
as though it were your last.

792
00:41:16,173 --> 00:41:17,776
She's all yours, Alfie.

793
00:41:17,876 --> 00:41:20,478
Enjoy.

794
00:41:23,549 --> 00:41:25,616
( water trickling )

795
00:41:27,752 --> 00:41:29,521
You all right, son?

796
00:41:29,620 --> 00:41:30,789
Yeah.

797
00:41:30,888 --> 00:41:33,624
I hope so.

798
00:41:36,127 --> 00:41:40,965
Look, if you ever get bored
or feel like schmoozing...

799
00:41:41,066 --> 00:41:42,900
...give me a holler.

800
00:41:44,334 --> 00:41:46,303
You'll never call.

801
00:41:46,403 --> 00:41:47,872
Maybe I will.

802
00:41:47,972 --> 00:41:49,040
All right, good.

803
00:41:49,140 --> 00:41:51,209
We'll go to a bar together,
hit on some chicks.

804
00:41:51,308 --> 00:41:54,580
Damn right. Thanks, Joe.

805
00:41:56,548 --> 00:41:57,948
Hey.

806
00:42:00,350 --> 00:42:02,520
I'm sorry about Evie.

807
00:42:05,055 --> 00:42:10,127
We...we weren't
all that fond of each other.

808
00:42:10,228 --> 00:42:14,298
But we were...very close.

809
00:42:14,399 --> 00:42:17,002
If you know what I mean.

810
00:42:18,436 --> 00:42:20,304
I think I do.

811
00:42:31,248 --> 00:42:34,985
( somber theme playing )

812
00:42:46,030 --> 00:42:49,299
I've been thinking a lot lately
about God and death,

813
00:42:49,399 --> 00:42:53,104
and how, if what they taught me
in Bible class is true,

814
00:42:53,204 --> 00:42:55,106
I'm really in for it.

815
00:42:57,507 --> 00:43:00,078
But I won't be partying
with Lucifer any time soon,

816
00:43:00,178 --> 00:43:02,280
because my test results
were negative.

817
00:43:02,379 --> 00:43:04,382
I'm gonna live!

818
00:43:04,481 --> 00:43:05,550
I'm gonna live!

819
00:43:05,651 --> 00:43:09,687
( upbeat theme playing )

820
00:43:11,823 --> 00:43:15,593
I ruined my Prada lace-ups
and I don't care.

821
00:43:18,195 --> 00:43:20,364
Don't think
I've forgotten my oath

822
00:43:20,465 --> 00:43:22,400
to completely change my life,

823
00:43:22,499 --> 00:43:24,802
because I haven't.

824
00:43:33,211 --> 00:43:36,981
( upbeat Christmas theme
playing )

825
00:43:53,799 --> 00:43:57,135
Carrot-apple
with a dash of wheat grass.

826
00:43:57,235 --> 00:43:58,568
Yep.

827
00:43:58,670 --> 00:44:02,640
Health is now
priority number one.

828
00:44:03,708 --> 00:44:08,112
Business plan
moves onto the fast track.

829
00:44:08,213 --> 00:44:09,747
WOMAN:
If you say so.

830
00:44:09,848 --> 00:44:12,249
Tonight's preview
at St. Ambrose--

831
00:44:12,349 --> 00:44:13,818
( laughs )

832
00:44:13,918 --> 00:44:16,888
No, I definitely
don't want to talk.

833
00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:19,024
Okay, hold on,
what else have I got?

834
00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:23,060
Okay, uh-huh, yeah.

835
00:44:23,161 --> 00:44:26,430
All right, if we must,
we must, but--

836
00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:31,202
New slate. New beginning.

837
00:44:31,301 --> 00:44:33,437
( snorts )

838
00:44:52,056 --> 00:44:53,590
What's your name, driver?
Alfie, sir.

839
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:55,125
Wait here, Alfie.

840
00:44:55,226 --> 00:44:57,462
Do you know how long
you're gonna be, roughly?

841
00:44:57,561 --> 00:44:58,897
You got someplace to go?

842
00:44:58,996 --> 00:45:01,131
I was just gonna nip off
and get a cup of tea.

843
00:45:01,232 --> 00:45:04,101
Look, why don't
you just stay put?

844
00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:10,140
( chuckles )

845
00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:12,309
Ooh.

846
00:45:30,694 --> 00:45:32,297
Yea or nay?

847
00:45:35,032 --> 00:45:36,835
A definite yea, I think. Really.

848
00:45:36,935 --> 00:45:40,405
Stunning.
Wouldn't you say so, sir?

849
00:45:40,505 --> 00:45:43,073
I'm sorry, didn't I ask you
to wait by the car?

850
00:45:43,173 --> 00:45:46,311
I reckoned I should help
the lady with her packages.

851
00:45:46,411 --> 00:45:47,745
Definite yea?

852
00:45:50,147 --> 00:45:51,581
I think.

853
00:45:51,681 --> 00:45:54,519
With one minor...

854
00:45:54,618 --> 00:45:55,821
May I?

855
00:45:55,921 --> 00:45:57,322
You may.

856
00:45:57,422 --> 00:45:59,457
...adjustment.

857
00:46:06,364 --> 00:46:07,265
Bullfighter.

858
00:46:07,364 --> 00:46:10,234
Another lifetime.
Don't ask.

859
00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:13,537
( whispers ):
Wow!

860
00:46:13,638 --> 00:46:15,039
Fifty, if she's a day.

861
00:46:15,140 --> 00:46:17,008
But don't they say 50
is the new 40,

862
00:46:17,108 --> 00:46:19,243
and is she not
living proof?

863
00:46:19,344 --> 00:46:23,180
I mean, have a look.
Beautifully preserved.

864
00:46:23,281 --> 00:46:27,251
And a cleavage
like the Holland Tunnel.

865
00:46:27,918 --> 00:46:29,821
Better?
Much.

866
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,122
ALFIE:
You are so right
to trust Chanel.

867
00:46:32,222 --> 00:46:36,461
A pair of hot-pink stilettos
and you're good to go.

868
00:46:36,561 --> 00:46:38,363
LIZ:
Well, aren't you
Mr. Full Service?

869
00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:39,965
ALFIE:
We try.

870
00:46:42,067 --> 00:46:44,134
ALFIE:
He's getting
a little pissy, isn't he?

871
00:46:44,234 --> 00:46:46,004
Oh, it's fine.
It's good for him.

872
00:46:46,103 --> 00:46:47,906
Is your husband
a lot older than you?

873
00:46:48,006 --> 00:46:50,207
He's not my husband.

874
00:46:51,108 --> 00:46:52,542
He's wearing
a wedding ring.

875
00:46:52,642 --> 00:46:58,884
Well, I never said he wasn't
somebody else's husband.

876
00:47:07,959 --> 00:47:08,993
Grab the stuff
from the trunk?

877
00:47:09,094 --> 00:47:12,063
You got it.
Cheers.

878
00:47:17,235 --> 00:47:20,405
Ma'am, if you require
my services in the future...

879
00:47:22,772 --> 00:47:26,577
Happy Christmas, sir. Ma'am.

880
00:47:28,045 --> 00:47:32,450
ALFIE:
Now that, my friends,
is a real woman.

881
00:47:32,549 --> 00:47:34,818
Smart and sexy and...

882
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:40,590
You noticed the little flirt
going on between us, huh?

883
00:47:43,494 --> 00:47:46,263
Makes me think,
if a woman like that,

884
00:47:46,364 --> 00:47:47,899
of that caliber

885
00:47:47,999 --> 00:47:49,935
should take notice
of a bloke like me,

886
00:47:50,035 --> 00:47:53,538
then, perhaps--

887
00:47:54,604 --> 00:47:58,476
Perhaps I'm selling myself
a bit short.

888
00:47:58,576 --> 00:48:00,912
ALFIE: In a flash,

889
00:48:01,012 --> 00:48:03,914
I have my New Year's
resolution.

890
00:48:04,849 --> 00:48:07,452
Aim higher.

891
00:48:17,594 --> 00:48:20,797
Catastrophic. Doomed.

892
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:24,435
Desolate. Cataclysmic.

893
00:48:24,534 --> 00:48:27,304
Bought him a word-of-the-day
calendar for Christmas.

894
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:28,838
Big mistake.

895
00:48:28,940 --> 00:48:31,675
Holiday season,
busiest time of the year.

896
00:48:31,776 --> 00:48:32,876
I try to run a business.

897
00:48:32,978 --> 00:48:34,445
What's the problem,
Mr. Wing?

898
00:48:34,544 --> 00:48:36,280
Your soul brother.

899
00:48:36,380 --> 00:48:38,516
He quit.

900
00:48:43,887 --> 00:48:45,155
ALFIE:
In the letter Marlon left me,

901
00:48:45,255 --> 00:48:47,525
he called me his best friend

902
00:48:47,625 --> 00:48:50,727
but apologized for bailing
on our business scheme.

903
00:48:50,827 --> 00:48:54,932
He said his whole thing now
was to make Lonette happy.

904
00:48:55,033 --> 00:48:57,635
They decided,
on the spur of the moment,

905
00:48:57,734 --> 00:48:59,403
to move upstate,

906
00:48:59,504 --> 00:49:02,940
and I had a standing invite
to drop by any time.

907
00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:06,511
Somehow Lonette
convinced Marlon

908
00:49:06,610 --> 00:49:09,814
it would be too painful
to say our goodbyes in person.

909
00:49:09,913 --> 00:49:11,816
And to make matters worse,

910
00:49:11,916 --> 00:49:13,383
it all dovetails

911
00:49:13,483 --> 00:49:17,221
into the second loneliest night
of the year:

912
00:49:19,156 --> 00:49:20,790
Christmas Eve.

913
00:49:20,890 --> 00:49:22,426
( Mick Jagger & Joss Stone's
"Lonely Without You" playing )

914
00:49:22,527 --> 00:49:23,961
I'm gonna be lonely
without you *

915
00:49:24,062 --> 00:49:25,395
ALFIE:
A night that brings on

916
00:49:25,496 --> 00:49:27,297
all those familiar
festive feelings

917
00:49:27,397 --> 00:49:31,336
of hopelessness,
anguish, despair.

918
00:49:32,570 --> 00:49:37,142
Not a great time
to be flying solo.

919
00:49:37,242 --> 00:49:41,012
That's why I'm of the belief
couples should never split up

920
00:49:41,112 --> 00:49:43,713
between Thanksgiving
and January 2nd.

921
00:49:43,813 --> 00:49:46,450
Always have a relationship
to see you through the holidays.

922
00:49:46,551 --> 00:49:48,086
Always.

923
00:49:48,186 --> 00:49:50,354
The downside, of course,
being gifts.

924
00:49:50,454 --> 00:49:53,558
A lonely, lonely Christmas *

925
00:49:53,658 --> 00:49:55,493
Without you *

926
00:49:55,593 --> 00:49:58,928
Personally, I've always
suspected that everyone else

927
00:49:59,030 --> 00:50:01,666
is having a far merrier
Christmas than I am.

928
00:50:01,766 --> 00:50:06,137
Not that I've ever actually
had a Christmas.

929
00:50:06,237 --> 00:50:08,573
That's a whole
other Dickens story.

930
00:50:08,672 --> 00:50:09,673
MAN: Taxi!

931
00:50:09,774 --> 00:50:11,441
Taxi!

932
00:50:11,541 --> 00:50:13,443
Excuse me.

933
00:50:15,645 --> 00:50:18,416
I'm sorry, mate, it's against
the law to carry more than--

934
00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:21,052
What's coming, what's coming *

935
00:50:21,151 --> 00:50:23,088
What's coming round *

936
00:50:23,188 --> 00:50:27,058
What's coming round *

937
00:50:27,157 --> 00:50:30,360
ALFIE:
Thank the Lord.

938
00:50:30,994 --> 00:50:34,031
A Christmas miracle.

939
00:50:37,602 --> 00:50:39,137
All right, hop in.

940
00:50:39,836 --> 00:50:41,271
Thanks for saving us.

941
00:50:41,371 --> 00:50:43,241
I was freezing
my little tush off.

942
00:50:43,340 --> 00:50:46,644
No worries. You know,
it's pretty full back there.

943
00:50:46,744 --> 00:50:47,777
Why don't you--?

944
00:50:47,877 --> 00:50:49,913
Good idea.

945
00:50:50,013 --> 00:50:51,515
Why don't I?

946
00:50:53,118 --> 00:50:56,386
Hey, watch the champagne.

947
00:50:59,157 --> 00:51:00,524
All in.

948
00:51:01,525 --> 00:51:03,060
Merry Christmas, St. Nick *

949
00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:06,664
Christmas comes this time
Each year *

950
00:51:06,764 --> 00:51:07,997
Fuck off! Ew!

951
00:51:08,099 --> 00:51:10,968
( giggles )

952
00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:12,470
They don't get out much.

953
00:51:12,570 --> 00:51:14,572
You wanna watch out,
you guys.

954
00:51:14,671 --> 00:51:18,775
You'll end up with a lump
of coal in your stocking.

955
00:51:18,876 --> 00:51:20,578
You're English.
Yeah.

956
00:51:20,678 --> 00:51:22,212
I love English.

957
00:51:22,313 --> 00:51:23,648
What's your name?

958
00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:25,349
Alfie.

959
00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:35,992
You wanna abuse
a little substance, Alfie?

960
00:51:36,093 --> 00:51:38,163
No, thanks. I'm trying to quit.

961
00:51:39,028 --> 00:51:40,029
All right.

962
00:51:40,131 --> 00:51:41,831
One hit.

963
00:51:41,931 --> 00:51:46,871
And when Santa hits the gas
Man, just watch her peel *

964
00:51:46,970 --> 00:51:47,971
It's the little St. Nick *

965
00:51:48,071 --> 00:51:50,006
Little St. Nick *

966
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:52,109
It's the little St. Nick *

967
00:51:52,210 --> 00:51:53,343
St. Nick *

968
00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:56,247
Wa-ooh! *
( laughs )

969
00:51:56,346 --> 00:51:58,283
Merry Christmas, St. Nick *

970
00:51:58,383 --> 00:52:00,151
Christmas comes this time
Each year *

971
00:52:00,251 --> 00:52:01,886
( song ends )

972
00:52:01,985 --> 00:52:03,120
( Ann Peebles "I Can't Stand
the Rain" playing )

973
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,190
Just can't stand *

974
00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:06,290
I can't stand the rain *

975
00:52:06,390 --> 00:52:07,658
Against my window *

976
00:52:07,758 --> 00:52:10,661
( laughing )

977
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:12,997
Bringing back sweet memories *

978
00:52:13,097 --> 00:52:14,632
There's an expression
the Yanks use:

979
00:52:14,731 --> 00:52:17,167
"Go with the flow."

980
00:52:18,568 --> 00:52:21,372
So, yeah, I got a dose
of the holiday blues.

981
00:52:21,471 --> 00:52:25,243
But when a girl
of this mind-blowing caliber

982
00:52:25,342 --> 00:52:26,744
invites you to a party,

983
00:52:26,843 --> 00:52:30,748
it's time to get going
and start flowing.

984
00:52:31,615 --> 00:52:33,318
( giggles )

985
00:52:33,417 --> 00:52:36,620
Maybe it's the late hour.

986
00:52:38,189 --> 00:52:41,525
Maybe it's
the heavily spiked eggnog.

987
00:52:42,159 --> 00:52:43,728
I don't see why--

988
00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:46,697
Maybe it was simply
a mutual desperate desire

989
00:52:46,797 --> 00:52:50,133
to have ourselves
a merry little Christmas.

990
00:52:50,235 --> 00:52:54,070
Whatever the reason, hooking up
has never gone more swimmingly,

991
00:52:54,171 --> 00:52:56,005
and I find myself

992
00:52:56,105 --> 00:52:59,744
saying something
highly out of character:

993
00:52:59,844 --> 00:53:04,882
I'm renovating my apartment
on the Upper West Side.

994
00:53:06,016 --> 00:53:07,617
But, say, you could...

995
00:53:07,718 --> 00:53:13,390
...crash at my sublet,
if you want.

996
00:53:13,491 --> 00:53:16,893
See you through
the holidays.

997
00:53:17,861 --> 00:53:19,396
That sounds inviting.

998
00:53:19,497 --> 00:53:23,032
Moonlight is shining *

999
00:53:23,132 --> 00:53:26,704
Snow is falling down *

1000
00:53:26,804 --> 00:53:30,808
ALFIE:
And so it came to pass,
that after all those years,

1001
00:53:30,907 --> 00:53:35,813
little Alfred finally got
what he wanted for Christmas.

1002
00:53:35,913 --> 00:53:39,583
( band playing "In the Cool,
Cool, Cool of the Evening" )

1003
00:53:40,950 --> 00:53:44,087
In the cool, cool, cool
Of the evening *

1004
00:53:44,187 --> 00:53:47,725
Tell them I'll be there *

1005
00:53:47,825 --> 00:53:50,527
ALFIE: The 12 days of Christmas
were flying by

1006
00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:53,530
at a surrealistic pace.

1007
00:53:54,631 --> 00:53:57,502
Yeah, it's been quite the ride.

1008
00:53:57,601 --> 00:54:00,905
( bright rock theme playing )

1009
00:54:01,671 --> 00:54:04,375
The package was irresistible.

1010
00:54:04,475 --> 00:54:10,381
A showstopper with
a new-school brand of sexiness.

1011
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:13,618
Who wouldn't get off on the way
she makes heads turn?

1012
00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:17,555
Plus, we have
so much in common.

1013
00:54:18,855 --> 00:54:19,490
She's sweet...

1014
00:54:19,589 --> 00:54:20,690
NIKKI:
Adore you.

1015
00:54:20,791 --> 00:54:23,026
...fun, original, exciting,

1016
00:54:23,127 --> 00:54:24,829
full of surprises.

1017
00:54:24,929 --> 00:54:30,501
Oh, and did I mention,
she makes a cracking good bed.

1018
00:54:32,002 --> 00:54:33,070
I began to wonder,

1019
00:54:33,169 --> 00:54:34,772
could this be the one...

1020
00:54:34,872 --> 00:54:37,942
( crowd chanting ):
Nine...eight...seven...six...

1021
00:54:38,042 --> 00:54:40,510
ALFIE:...
who finally holds my attention?

1022
00:54:40,610 --> 00:54:42,413
CROWD:...
three, two, one!

1023
00:54:42,512 --> 00:54:43,448
NIKKI: Happy New Year!

1024
00:54:43,548 --> 00:54:46,616
( cheering )

1025
00:54:54,090 --> 00:54:55,592
( music stops )

1026
00:54:55,692 --> 00:54:57,061
( slurring ):
Happy New Year!

1027
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:58,563
( guffawing )

1028
00:54:58,662 --> 00:55:00,297
ALFIE:
In every doomed relationship,

1029
00:55:00,398 --> 00:55:03,300
there comes what I like to call

1030
00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:05,370
Whooo!

1031
00:55:05,469 --> 00:55:06,804
"the uh-oh moment."

1032
00:55:06,904 --> 00:55:08,738
When a certain
little something happens,

1033
00:55:08,839 --> 00:55:10,106
and you know
you've just witnessed

1034
00:55:10,207 --> 00:55:12,476
the beginning of the end.

1035
00:55:12,576 --> 00:55:15,212
And suddenly you stop
and you think,

1036
00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:19,783
"Uh-oh, iceberg ahead."

1037
00:55:21,150 --> 00:55:27,425
With Nikki, that was the first
of many "uh-oh" moments.

1038
00:55:27,524 --> 00:55:29,427
It began with petty arguments.

1039
00:55:29,526 --> 00:55:31,128
( Nikki screams )

1040
00:55:31,227 --> 00:55:36,401
Followed by random bouts
of melancholia.

1041
00:55:36,501 --> 00:55:40,737
Major highs and manic lows.

1042
00:55:40,838 --> 00:55:44,708
This girl never knows
when she's had one too many.

1043
00:55:44,808 --> 00:55:47,011
And there had been
constant displays

1044
00:55:47,111 --> 00:55:48,979
of erratic, reckless behavior.

1045
00:55:49,078 --> 00:55:54,584
And thank you, no.
No, I did not have insurance.

1046
00:55:55,986 --> 00:56:00,858
But whenever I begin to feel
there's little reason to go on,

1047
00:56:00,958 --> 00:56:05,762
I'm reminded that we still have
one very major thing in common.

1048
00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:10,333
If only she didn't insist
on smoking before,

1049
00:56:10,435 --> 00:56:13,136
after...

1050
00:56:13,237 --> 00:56:15,840
and during.

1051
00:56:18,876 --> 00:56:21,446
What time are you
gonna be home, honey?

1052
00:56:21,546 --> 00:56:22,947
Hear that?

1053
00:56:23,047 --> 00:56:25,081
"What time are you gonna
be home, honey?"

1054
00:56:25,182 --> 00:56:28,217
That's dangerously close
to wife-speak to me.

1055
00:56:28,317 --> 00:56:31,456
Because I'm making something
really special for din-din.

1056
00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:34,090
( whispers ):
Din-din?

1057
00:56:34,191 --> 00:56:35,392
I'll call later.

1058
00:56:35,493 --> 00:56:37,662
Listen, are you sure

1059
00:56:37,761 --> 00:56:40,830
you don't think that color's
a little bit intense?

1060
00:56:41,731 --> 00:56:45,802
I think you're
a little bit intense.

1061
00:56:45,903 --> 00:56:48,072
Careful, because you've
got paint all over your hands.

1062
00:56:48,172 --> 00:56:50,239
I mean...

1063
00:56:50,339 --> 00:56:52,443
Plus, you're wearing
my favorite shirt

1064
00:56:52,543 --> 00:56:54,111
to paint the house in, Nik.

1065
00:56:54,210 --> 00:56:56,514
Don't-- ( groans )

1066
00:56:58,247 --> 00:56:59,950
Sorry, baby.

1067
00:57:03,319 --> 00:57:03,420
I gotta run.

1068
00:57:03,420 --> 00:57:06,723
No, I've gotta run.

1069
00:57:06,823 --> 00:57:11,662
I bet that I can make it
worth your while to stay.

1070
00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:14,097
I'm sure you can.
But you know what?

1071
00:57:14,197 --> 00:57:15,766
I've got that meeting,
haven't I?

1072
00:57:15,865 --> 00:57:18,803
( whispers ):
Yeah.

1073
00:57:25,374 --> 00:57:26,843
You know you're in trouble

1074
00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:29,680
when a sight like that
can't keep you planted.

1075
00:57:30,780 --> 00:57:33,917
When I was a boy
at St. Alban's Secondary School,

1076
00:57:34,018 --> 00:57:36,521
the school took us
on this cultural trip

1077
00:57:36,621 --> 00:57:38,956
to observe art
at one of the, um--

1078
00:57:39,056 --> 00:57:41,324
One of those big famous
London museums.

1079
00:57:41,424 --> 00:57:43,093
Anyway, when I was there,

1080
00:57:43,192 --> 00:57:46,863
I came across this statue
of a Greek goddess in marble.

1081
00:57:46,964 --> 00:57:50,234
Aphrodi-- Aphrodiddy,
something like that.

1082
00:57:50,333 --> 00:57:54,071
Beautiful, she was.

1083
00:57:54,704 --> 00:57:58,042
Perfect female form.

1084
00:57:58,142 --> 00:57:59,577
Chiseled features.

1085
00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:02,046
Exquisite.

1086
00:58:03,412 --> 00:58:04,982
I stood in awe of her.

1087
00:58:05,082 --> 00:58:07,416
Finally, the teacher
calls us all over,

1088
00:58:07,518 --> 00:58:09,186
and I'm walking past it,
and on the way

1089
00:58:09,285 --> 00:58:13,057
I notice in the side
of this Greek goddess,

1090
00:58:13,156 --> 00:58:17,426
all these cracks,
chips, imperfections.

1091
00:58:17,527 --> 00:58:21,532
Ruined her for me.

1092
00:58:23,167 --> 00:58:25,069
Well, that's Nikki.

1093
00:58:26,236 --> 00:58:28,673
A beautiful sculpture,

1094
00:58:28,772 --> 00:58:32,076
damaged in a way
you don't notice

1095
00:58:32,176 --> 00:58:34,545
till you get too close.

1096
00:58:43,588 --> 00:58:47,024
I lost the signal
for a second there.

1097
00:58:48,257 --> 00:58:49,859
But I don't know.

1098
00:58:49,959 --> 00:58:53,063
It's just a lot
of personal stuff going on.

1099
00:58:53,163 --> 00:58:55,065
You know what I mean?

1100
00:58:59,604 --> 00:59:00,937
Oh, I know.

1101
00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:02,906
Welcome, Mr. Elkins.
Good to see you, Elvis.

1102
00:59:03,006 --> 00:59:05,542
I hope you don't mind me
rambling on like this, do you?

1103
00:59:05,643 --> 00:59:07,277
Enjoy your evening, sir.
Thank you.

1104
00:59:09,779 --> 00:59:14,018
Mm. As you can see, the lad's
moving up in the world.

1105
00:59:14,118 --> 00:59:16,553
( laughs )

1106
00:59:17,421 --> 00:59:19,155
It's just
that I've got this friend

1107
00:59:19,255 --> 00:59:24,729
who's, let's say,
outstayed his welcome.

1108
00:59:24,828 --> 00:59:26,329
( chuckles )

1109
00:59:27,231 --> 00:59:28,832
Mmm. Absolutely right.

1110
00:59:28,933 --> 00:59:31,200
It's a lot tougher getting
them out than getting them in.

1111
00:59:31,301 --> 00:59:32,769
I like that.

1112
00:59:32,870 --> 00:59:35,172
You'll never guess
who I'm dropping in on now.

1113
00:59:35,271 --> 00:59:37,608
I wouldn't have believed it
myself a couple of weeks ago.

1114
00:59:37,708 --> 00:59:39,542
LIZ: Why don't you
just try being honest,

1115
00:59:39,644 --> 00:59:41,544
and tell your friend

1116
00:59:41,646 --> 00:59:43,947
that the hotel
is under new management

1117
00:59:44,047 --> 00:59:46,183
and that they have
to vacate the premises.

1118
00:59:46,283 --> 00:59:47,584
You know what I mean.

1119
00:59:48,653 --> 00:59:53,389
That kimono does wonders
for your décolletage.

1120
00:59:53,489 --> 00:59:56,093
Big word.

1121
00:59:56,193 --> 00:59:58,061
Big décolletage.

1122
01:00:01,530 --> 01:00:03,267
( sighs )

1123
01:00:06,369 --> 01:00:08,337
( moans )

1124
01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:09,940
Why don't we have a drink

1125
01:00:10,039 --> 01:00:12,076
and you can tell me
the rest of your troubles.

1126
01:00:12,176 --> 01:00:15,846
Instead of me listening to hers.
That's a change.

1127
01:00:15,946 --> 01:00:18,348
You know, for someone
so very young,

1128
01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:20,651
you're terribly wise.

1129
01:00:22,251 --> 01:00:24,520
Secret admirer?

1130
01:00:24,621 --> 01:00:26,857
One of many.

1131
01:00:27,957 --> 01:00:29,592
You would never think of
bringing a girl flowers,

1132
01:00:29,694 --> 01:00:30,960
would you, Alfie?

1133
01:00:31,060 --> 01:00:33,096
It would only encourage them.

1134
01:00:33,197 --> 01:00:35,464
I'm gonna make us that drink.

1135
01:00:35,564 --> 01:00:37,066
What's your poison, sweetheart?

1136
01:00:37,167 --> 01:00:38,534
I'll have
a spot of whiskey, please.

1137
01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:41,205
Midleton Rare,
if you've got it.

1138
01:00:41,305 --> 01:00:43,307
I like dropping a fancy
brand name in now and again,

1139
01:00:43,407 --> 01:00:45,275
let her know she ain't
the only one been around.

1140
01:00:45,374 --> 01:00:49,112
Why not make this
an absinthe afternoon?

1141
01:00:50,214 --> 01:00:51,380
Brilliant.

1142
01:00:53,016 --> 01:00:55,185
No idea
what she's talking about.

1143
01:00:55,285 --> 01:00:57,053
You've had absinthe?

1144
01:00:57,154 --> 01:00:58,723
Not recently, no.

1145
01:00:58,823 --> 01:01:00,056
Remind me, what is it again?

1146
01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:01,358
The Green Fairy.

1147
01:01:01,457 --> 01:01:05,095
The French impressionists'
liquid drug of choice.

1148
01:01:05,194 --> 01:01:06,764
And I got you

1149
01:01:06,864 --> 01:01:09,366
some of those little
egg thingies you like so much.

1150
01:01:09,465 --> 01:01:11,368
Mmm!

1151
01:01:12,268 --> 01:01:13,703
Mmm! Mmm!

1152
01:01:13,803 --> 01:01:17,541
( "The Beat Goes On" by The
Buddy Rich Big Band playing )

1153
01:01:17,641 --> 01:01:19,043
I mention I like something once,

1154
01:01:19,143 --> 01:01:22,445
next thing I know,
I get it on a silver platter.

1155
01:01:22,546 --> 01:01:24,782
( humming )

1156
01:01:24,881 --> 01:01:26,950
La-di-da-di-da *

1157
01:01:28,786 --> 01:01:33,991
Charleston was once the rage
Uh-huh *

1158
01:01:34,657 --> 01:01:36,794
Perfect, huh?

1159
01:01:36,894 --> 01:01:39,296
Kind of pad I plan
to own myself one day.

1160
01:01:39,396 --> 01:01:44,268
Understated elegance
with just a touch of the trendy.

1161
01:01:44,969 --> 01:01:47,738
She's a regular fashionista.

1162
01:01:47,838 --> 01:01:49,005
You don't have to tell this one

1163
01:01:49,105 --> 01:01:51,876
which slingbacks
go with which frock.

1164
01:01:51,976 --> 01:01:53,844
Owns her own cosmetics company.

1165
01:01:53,943 --> 01:01:56,280
Empire, actually.

1166
01:01:56,380 --> 01:01:59,015
Started out doing facials
in a fancy salon.

1167
01:01:59,115 --> 01:02:02,151
Took a handful of mud,
mixed it with a dash of papaya,

1168
01:02:02,252 --> 01:02:04,855
put it on the market,
and bingo:

1169
01:02:04,955 --> 01:02:06,155
All this.

1170
01:02:06,255 --> 01:02:09,893
LIZ:
This stuff is so illegal.

1171
01:02:09,994 --> 01:02:13,063
I smuggled a whole batch
of it back from Prague

1172
01:02:13,162 --> 01:02:14,931
in Listerine bottles.

1173
01:02:15,032 --> 01:02:19,736
Grocery store's the super mart
Uh-huh *

1174
01:02:20,905 --> 01:02:23,841
Oh, I checked out
your business plan.

1175
01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:28,377
And?

1176
01:02:28,478 --> 01:02:29,980
I'm impressed.

1177
01:02:31,014 --> 01:02:32,917
You seem surprised.
Not at all.

1178
01:02:33,016 --> 01:02:35,419
Because underneath
all that bravado

1179
01:02:35,518 --> 01:02:36,821
beats the heart of a guy

1180
01:02:36,921 --> 01:02:38,554
who's a lot smarter
than he thinks he is,

1181
01:02:38,654 --> 01:02:40,891
but not nearly as cocky

1182
01:02:40,990 --> 01:02:43,993
as he'd like
everybody else to believe.

1183
01:02:44,093 --> 01:02:47,898
Drums keep pounding a rhythm
To the brain *

1184
01:02:47,997 --> 01:02:49,132
( Alfie laughs nervously )

1185
01:02:49,232 --> 01:02:51,000
What are we--?

1186
01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:54,371
What exactly
are we basing this on?

1187
01:02:56,205 --> 01:02:59,543
This insight into
my personality?

1188
01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:06,917
That it takes one
to know one.

1189
01:03:24,401 --> 01:03:25,870
What?

1190
01:03:27,070 --> 01:03:28,372
I was just wondering

1191
01:03:28,472 --> 01:03:31,007
if there's a clever little
tattoo artist out there

1192
01:03:31,108 --> 01:03:33,943
who could change
"Pablo" into "Alfie."

1193
01:03:40,918 --> 01:03:42,953
Here's to clever
little tattoo artists.

1194
01:03:53,662 --> 01:03:55,131
Whoo!

1195
01:03:55,231 --> 01:03:56,466
Jesus.

1196
01:04:02,973 --> 01:04:04,975
It made me feel
all warm going down.

1197
01:04:05,075 --> 01:04:06,576
Mmm. That's my job.

1198
01:04:15,852 --> 01:04:19,089
( whispers ):
You know what they say.

1199
01:04:19,924 --> 01:04:22,459
( whispers ):
What do they say?

1200
01:04:24,827 --> 01:04:28,865
Absinthe makes
the heart grow fonder.

1201
01:04:34,038 --> 01:04:36,605
Oh, great.

1202
01:04:41,710 --> 01:04:43,914
( whispers ):
Check this out.

1203
01:04:44,548 --> 01:04:46,917
Hmm?

1204
01:04:48,117 --> 01:04:51,120
Have a look
at the size of this tub.

1205
01:04:51,220 --> 01:04:53,023
She's had two husbands,
both croaked,

1206
01:04:53,122 --> 01:04:56,160
and I have a feeling
this was the scene of the crime.

1207
01:04:56,259 --> 01:04:59,429
Come on, baby,
let's get wet.

1208
01:05:07,004 --> 01:05:08,337
If she keeps this up,

1209
01:05:08,438 --> 01:05:10,274
we're gonna be updating
that tattoo of hers

1210
01:05:10,373 --> 01:05:13,277
a lot sooner than she thinks.

1211
01:05:14,110 --> 01:05:16,646
( distant applause, cheering )

1212
01:05:23,020 --> 01:05:24,454
ALFIE:
Remember how little Alfred

1213
01:05:24,553 --> 01:05:28,557
finally got
what he wanted for Christmas?

1214
01:05:29,692 --> 01:05:31,495
Be careful what you wish for.

1215
01:05:31,595 --> 01:05:33,964
( syrupy orchestral music
playing on TV )

1216
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:45,142
MAN:
Play something else.

1217
01:05:54,484 --> 01:05:56,419
Hi.

1218
01:05:58,022 --> 01:05:59,656
Dozed off?

1219
01:06:01,558 --> 01:06:03,660
Yeah.

1220
01:06:05,262 --> 01:06:07,396
I tried
waiting up for you.

1221
01:06:09,233 --> 01:06:12,702
Your meeting ran late, huh?
Very. I'm knackered.

1222
01:06:12,802 --> 01:06:14,971
And wet.

1223
01:06:16,605 --> 01:06:17,974
But...

1224
01:06:19,142 --> 01:06:24,380
...I do want us to have
a little chat, Nikki.

1225
01:06:26,016 --> 01:06:28,352
Okay.

1226
01:06:28,451 --> 01:06:30,186
Sure.

1227
01:06:30,287 --> 01:06:33,290
Why don't we talk over
a midnight snack.

1228
01:06:33,389 --> 01:06:37,194
I made roast beef
and Yorkshire pudding.

1229
01:06:37,293 --> 01:06:40,997
That was your favorite
as a young lad, right?

1230
01:06:41,897 --> 01:06:45,001
And check the place out,
if you please.

1231
01:06:45,102 --> 01:06:48,172
Your little girl
worked her fanny off.

1232
01:06:48,272 --> 01:06:50,739
I noticed.
It looks brilliant.

1233
01:06:50,839 --> 01:06:53,643
Really smashing.

1234
01:06:53,742 --> 01:06:55,011
So, Nik--

1235
01:06:55,112 --> 01:06:56,513
Alfie, I've been thinking.

1236
01:06:57,514 --> 01:07:00,584
Will you look at these
cute little potatoes?

1237
01:07:05,489 --> 01:07:06,455
Okay.

1238
01:07:06,555 --> 01:07:10,427
I know I have been
a real handful lately.

1239
01:07:11,228 --> 01:07:12,596
I don't know,

1240
01:07:12,695 --> 01:07:15,698
I think it has to do a lot
with me feeling displaced...

1241
01:07:16,965 --> 01:07:20,369
...and not totally trusting.

1242
01:07:21,304 --> 01:07:23,207
Sweetie, cutting to the chase.

1243
01:07:23,306 --> 01:07:27,911
I am gonna do better.

1244
01:07:28,010 --> 01:07:29,779
I promise.

1245
01:07:29,878 --> 01:07:33,982
I am gonna take my medication
religiously from now on.

1246
01:07:34,084 --> 01:07:35,352
And everything,

1247
01:07:35,451 --> 01:07:36,385
everything,

1248
01:07:36,485 --> 01:07:38,655
is gonna be easy and breezy.

1249
01:07:38,755 --> 01:07:41,023
Sound good? Honey?

1250
01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:42,958
So come, come and sit.

1251
01:07:43,059 --> 01:07:45,095
A feast awaits.

1252
01:07:45,195 --> 01:07:47,296
I already ate, Nik.

1253
01:07:48,030 --> 01:07:49,233
Of course.

1254
01:07:49,333 --> 01:07:52,068
No worries, we'll have
leftovers.

1255
01:07:52,169 --> 01:07:53,337
I can whip up

1256
01:07:53,436 --> 01:07:57,073
a little corned beef hash
for brunch.

1257
01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:06,783
What's the matter, Alfie?

1258
01:08:06,882 --> 01:08:09,685
Nothing. I just...

1259
01:08:11,019 --> 01:08:13,222
I've got a lot on my mind and...

1260
01:08:13,323 --> 01:08:14,857
I'm feeling a bit--

1261
01:08:14,958 --> 01:08:17,093
What?

1262
01:08:17,994 --> 01:08:22,098
Cold? Distant? Remote? What?

1263
01:08:22,199 --> 01:08:26,336
Oh, Nik, this is
a complete drag.

1264
01:08:26,435 --> 01:08:30,474
Everything happened so quickly.

1265
01:08:31,440 --> 01:08:33,075
I'm not the best
at this sort of thing.

1266
01:08:33,177 --> 01:08:35,378
What sort of thing?

1267
01:08:36,945 --> 01:08:38,382
I...

1268
01:08:38,481 --> 01:08:42,252
...don't know exactly
how to say it.

1269
01:08:42,351 --> 01:08:45,322
Sure you do, Alfie.

1270
01:08:46,690 --> 01:08:51,395
You've had plenty
of experience dumping girls.

1271
01:09:07,910 --> 01:09:10,347
Don't worry.

1272
01:09:10,446 --> 01:09:12,915
I'm already gone.

1273
01:09:13,816 --> 01:09:17,286
( tender theme playing )

1274
01:10:11,275 --> 01:10:13,309
ALFIE: Strange.

1275
01:10:13,409 --> 01:10:17,013
But even when you know
it has to end...

1276
01:10:17,113 --> 01:10:19,815
when it finally does...

1277
01:10:19,915 --> 01:10:24,087
you always get
that inevitable twinge:

1278
01:10:24,186 --> 01:10:27,391
Have I done the right thing?

1279
01:10:36,164 --> 01:10:38,166
I must admit...

1280
01:10:38,268 --> 01:10:41,871
I do miss the companionship.

1281
01:10:41,970 --> 01:10:44,408
( coughs )

1282
01:10:44,508 --> 01:10:48,845
Nikki was a showstopper.

1283
01:10:49,879 --> 01:10:54,784
But as me ugly old Aunt Gladys
used to say...

1284
01:10:56,118 --> 01:10:57,454
..."Looks aren't everything."

1285
01:10:57,553 --> 01:10:59,356
I used to think that was
a load of bollocks,

1286
01:10:59,456 --> 01:11:03,259
but just lately
I've been thinking...

1287
01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:07,397
maybe the old bat
had something.

1288
01:11:21,010 --> 01:11:23,012
( sniffs )

1289
01:11:48,637 --> 01:11:49,839
Julie?

1290
01:11:51,908 --> 01:11:53,776
Alfie, hi.

1291
01:11:53,877 --> 01:11:55,544
What a surprise.

1292
01:11:55,644 --> 01:11:59,715
God, I haven't seen you since...
Uh-huh. Yeah.

1293
01:11:59,816 --> 01:12:02,952
You look--
You look amazing.

1294
01:12:03,051 --> 01:12:05,922
Thanks. You too.
You look good too.

1295
01:12:06,656 --> 01:12:07,990
I'm getting over a cold.

1296
01:12:08,090 --> 01:12:09,225
( sniffs )

1297
01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:10,727
But you're okay otherwise?
I'm fine.

1298
01:12:10,827 --> 01:12:14,398
I'm always fine.
Yeah.

1299
01:12:16,065 --> 01:12:18,402
It's good to see you.

1300
01:12:19,034 --> 01:12:20,769
And you.

1301
01:12:26,376 --> 01:12:29,345
Hey, you know, I was...

1302
01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:32,949
I'm sorry about
what happened between us.

1303
01:12:34,884 --> 01:12:38,121
And I'm sorry how
it all ended up. It wasn't--

1304
01:12:38,220 --> 01:12:39,788
It wasn't good.

1305
01:12:44,226 --> 01:12:46,362
I felt bad about not seeing Max

1306
01:12:46,463 --> 01:12:50,567
and about not seeing you.

1307
01:12:53,537 --> 01:12:55,337
It's water under the bridge.

1308
01:12:55,439 --> 01:12:57,840
Good.

1309
01:12:59,808 --> 01:13:01,810
You know...

1310
01:13:01,911 --> 01:13:04,380
I'm wondering...

1311
01:13:09,117 --> 01:13:10,420
Maybe we...

1312
01:13:11,455 --> 01:13:13,957
You know I can never
promise anything.

1313
01:13:16,125 --> 01:13:17,727
But if you want, if you like,

1314
01:13:17,826 --> 01:13:19,362
maybe we could
see each other again.

1315
01:13:19,463 --> 01:13:22,065
It would be okay by me.

1316
01:13:22,164 --> 01:13:24,232
It would be
more than okay,

1317
01:13:24,332 --> 01:13:25,300
it would be great.

1318
01:13:25,401 --> 01:13:26,770
Alfie, I--

1319
01:13:26,869 --> 01:13:28,004
Yeah?

1320
01:13:28,103 --> 01:13:29,872
This is Adam.

1321
01:13:33,477 --> 01:13:35,479
Hey, how are you?

1322
01:13:36,311 --> 01:13:38,014
Hey, how you doing, Adam?

1323
01:13:38,114 --> 01:13:39,015
Pretty good.

1324
01:13:39,115 --> 01:13:40,783
Adam.
Yeah.

1325
01:13:46,388 --> 01:13:48,958
It was great
running into you.

1326
01:13:50,527 --> 01:13:51,995
You look fantastic.

1327
01:13:52,095 --> 01:13:54,498
Thanks.

1328
01:13:56,899 --> 01:14:00,103
What time is it?
I've gotta go.

1329
01:14:00,203 --> 01:14:02,237
I'm late for a meeting.
Nice to meet you, Adam.

1330
01:14:02,337 --> 01:14:04,440
( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"Let's Make It Up" playing )

1331
01:14:04,440 --> 01:14:09,111
In your attitude
And the way you move *

1332
01:14:09,912 --> 01:14:13,249
If you won't change your mind *

1333
01:14:13,349 --> 01:14:14,818
Julie?

1334
01:14:16,384 --> 01:14:18,321
How's Max?

1335
01:14:18,421 --> 01:14:20,323
Oh, really good.

1336
01:14:20,423 --> 01:14:22,559
Will you say hi?

1337
01:14:23,291 --> 01:14:24,327
Sure.

1338
01:14:24,426 --> 01:14:26,963
Or not.

1339
01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:29,766
Be well.

1340
01:14:29,865 --> 01:14:31,734
Just you wait and see
Yeah *

1341
01:14:31,835 --> 01:14:36,072
Let's make it up
Let's make it up now *

1342
01:14:38,007 --> 01:14:43,779
Let's make it up
Let's make it up now *

1343
01:14:43,879 --> 01:14:48,283
Let's make it up
Let's make sweet love now *

1344
01:14:48,383 --> 01:14:50,285
Or we'll be sorry *

1345
01:14:50,385 --> 01:14:55,525
For the rest of our lives *

1346
01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:06,802
It's just a little meditation *

1347
01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:13,309
On the future
And on the past *

1348
01:15:13,409 --> 01:15:17,013
'Cause you've always been
My inspiration *

1349
01:15:17,112 --> 01:15:18,748
Hello.

1350
01:15:21,149 --> 01:15:23,351
Hello.

1351
01:15:23,451 --> 01:15:27,289
( sobbing )

1352
01:15:28,191 --> 01:15:30,425
Mrs. Wing, is everything--?

1353
01:15:30,526 --> 01:15:32,294
Wing.

1354
01:15:32,395 --> 01:15:35,163
( The Righteous Brothers'
"Unchained Melody" playing )

1355
01:15:35,264 --> 01:15:36,298
Why are you crying?

1356
01:15:36,399 --> 01:15:38,967
I'm not crying. Get out.

1357
01:15:39,068 --> 01:15:40,368
You sure?

1358
01:15:40,468 --> 01:15:43,139
I'm fine. Get out, Alfie.

1359
01:15:43,239 --> 01:15:46,341
I'm sorry. I just wanted to see
if I could borrow a car.

1360
01:15:46,441 --> 01:15:49,011
She leave me.

1361
01:15:49,112 --> 01:15:51,314
Sorry?

1362
01:15:52,215 --> 01:15:54,183
Blossom leave me.

1363
01:15:54,282 --> 01:15:55,652
Blossom?

1364
01:15:56,620 --> 01:15:58,020
Is that your wife's name,
Blossom?

1365
01:15:58,121 --> 01:16:03,792
What I do wrong, Alfie?
Love her?

1366
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:08,898
Look, mate. Come on,
you can win her back.

1367
01:16:08,997 --> 01:16:11,499
Woo her. Send flowers
and chocolates.

1368
01:16:11,601 --> 01:16:13,602
Write a poem.

1369
01:16:13,702 --> 01:16:15,771
That what you do?

1370
01:16:15,872 --> 01:16:17,406
Well, actually, no,
I've never done that,

1371
01:16:17,505 --> 01:16:21,077
but it may be
a way to go.

1372
01:16:22,378 --> 01:16:24,948
What rhyme with Blossom?

1373
01:16:25,882 --> 01:16:30,919
I would try "awesome."

1374
01:16:34,323 --> 01:16:35,858
Okay.

1375
01:16:35,959 --> 01:16:39,327
( sweet theme playing )

1376
01:17:34,783 --> 01:17:37,286
LONETTE:
You never cease to amaze.

1377
01:17:38,154 --> 01:17:39,955
ALFIE:
Hey.

1378
01:17:40,690 --> 01:17:42,826
Great to see you too, Lon.

1379
01:17:43,927 --> 01:17:46,094
I guess I should have rung.

1380
01:17:46,195 --> 01:17:49,031
Hey, Sam.

1381
01:17:49,131 --> 01:17:51,133
Well, that would have
been a plan.

1382
01:17:52,067 --> 01:17:53,902
Well, you know, I'm sorry,
it was just...

1383
01:17:55,503 --> 01:17:57,874
It's nice.

1384
01:18:06,349 --> 01:18:08,784
Look, Lonette...

1385
01:18:10,586 --> 01:18:14,758
This is so uncomfortable,
I know. Because--

1386
01:18:14,857 --> 01:18:18,061
You don't have to whisper.
Marlon's not here.

1387
01:18:23,733 --> 01:18:25,968
ALFIE: I really
miss you both.

1388
01:18:26,069 --> 01:18:29,272
And I just wondered, maybe...

1389
01:18:29,372 --> 01:18:32,375
Maybe me and you could
put it all behind us,

1390
01:18:32,474 --> 01:18:34,510
pretend like it never happened,

1391
01:18:34,609 --> 01:18:36,644
and then move forward, you know?

1392
01:18:36,746 --> 01:18:37,612
I just--

1393
01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:39,581
( baby crying )

1394
01:18:39,681 --> 01:18:42,084
You know, Alfie...

1395
01:18:43,486 --> 01:18:44,586
...dropping by

1396
01:18:44,686 --> 01:18:46,489
wasn't a good idea.

1397
01:18:54,096 --> 01:18:56,833
You two didn't have a baby.

1398
01:18:58,633 --> 01:19:01,203
You did have a baby.

1399
01:19:01,304 --> 01:19:06,274
No, you were right
the first time.

1400
01:19:33,436 --> 01:19:35,971
ALFIE: Thinking back
to that day at the clinic,

1401
01:19:36,072 --> 01:19:38,875
I remember
trying to look in Lon's eyes

1402
01:19:38,975 --> 01:19:41,076
to see if I could
even begin to understand

1403
01:19:41,176 --> 01:19:42,778
what she was going through,

1404
01:19:42,879 --> 01:19:45,915
and how she
wouldn't look at me.

1405
01:19:46,014 --> 01:19:48,885
And I think I knew then.

1406
01:19:48,985 --> 01:19:51,454
I just didn't want
to admit it to myself.

1407
01:19:54,457 --> 01:19:56,158
So classically...

1408
01:19:58,526 --> 01:20:00,162
...I said nothing.

1409
01:20:01,163 --> 01:20:04,800
I knew there was
a good chance the baby...

1410
01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:08,137
...could be Marlon's.

1411
01:20:10,639 --> 01:20:12,441
At least, I hoped.

1412
01:20:14,777 --> 01:20:17,445
This is a lot...

1413
01:20:19,815 --> 01:20:20,949
...for me to, um...

1414
01:20:21,050 --> 01:20:23,419
( quietly ):
I...

1415
01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:26,555
( tender theme playing )

1416
01:20:33,261 --> 01:20:35,431
( coos )

1417
01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:47,075
( sighs )

1418
01:20:50,046 --> 01:20:52,515
Marlon stayed.

1419
01:20:52,615 --> 01:20:54,984
For now.

1420
01:21:02,926 --> 01:21:04,860
Is there anything
I can do?

1421
01:21:07,196 --> 01:21:10,199
What are you gonna do, Alfie?

1422
01:21:10,966 --> 01:21:14,337
( melancholy theme playing )

1423
01:21:21,677 --> 01:21:24,146
( chuckles )

1424
01:21:27,050 --> 01:21:30,386
( vehicle approaching )

1425
01:21:32,121 --> 01:21:35,491
( vehicle stops )

1426
01:21:51,339 --> 01:21:52,608
Hey.

1427
01:21:58,447 --> 01:22:02,650
You know, I never...

1428
01:22:02,750 --> 01:22:03,885
I never meant--

1429
01:22:03,987 --> 01:22:07,089
You never mean to hurt anybody.

1430
01:22:10,793 --> 01:22:13,429
But you do, Alfie.

1431
01:22:15,964 --> 01:22:20,035
( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"Blind Leading the Blind"
playing )

1432
01:22:21,203 --> 01:22:23,205
You are the sharpest knife *

1433
01:22:23,306 --> 01:22:25,907
You are the finest blade *

1434
01:22:26,009 --> 01:22:28,143
You are the shining sun *

1435
01:22:28,244 --> 01:22:30,778
Everybody in your shade *

1436
01:22:30,878 --> 01:22:32,948
So funny to you *

1437
01:22:33,049 --> 01:22:34,716
Drippin' honey
From your tongue *

1438
01:22:34,817 --> 01:22:38,054
But you'd never know
What's waiting for you *

1439
01:22:38,154 --> 01:22:40,990
When your day is done *

1440
01:22:41,090 --> 01:22:42,824
There is a sadness *

1441
01:22:42,924 --> 01:22:45,293
Burning in your bones *

1442
01:22:45,961 --> 01:22:47,663
A twisting track now *

1443
01:22:47,762 --> 01:22:49,498
You are forced to go *

1444
01:22:49,598 --> 01:22:52,168
You need the hand
Of friendship *

1445
01:22:52,267 --> 01:22:54,137
To steady up your heart *

1446
01:22:54,237 --> 01:22:56,472
So hang onto me closely *

1447
01:22:56,572 --> 01:22:59,242
And I'll show you
Down to the bends *

1448
01:22:59,341 --> 01:23:03,345
Like the blind *

1449
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:07,382
Leading the blind *

1450
01:23:07,983 --> 01:23:12,287
Asking me why *

1451
01:23:13,021 --> 01:23:16,792
You won't let the love in *

1452
01:23:16,892 --> 01:23:18,093
Oh *

1453
01:23:18,193 --> 01:23:22,065
Like the blind *

1454
01:23:22,165 --> 01:23:26,968
Leading the blind *

1455
01:23:27,070 --> 01:23:31,206
Only to find *

1456
01:23:31,307 --> 01:23:35,878
You're feeling like nothing *

1457
01:23:35,977 --> 01:23:39,148
Nothing, yeah *

1458
01:23:44,053 --> 01:23:46,655
ALFIE: I felt I needed a friend
to talk to.

1459
01:23:46,754 --> 01:23:50,693
Problem was, they were suddenly
in short supply.

1460
01:23:50,793 --> 01:23:53,129
Um, I don't remember. I don't
remember being in the car.

1461
01:23:53,229 --> 01:23:56,565
I just-- I just--
I was stopped.

1462
01:23:56,665 --> 01:23:58,301
And I'm crying.

1463
01:23:58,400 --> 01:24:02,037
Crying for the little one?
I don't know exactly.

1464
01:24:03,239 --> 01:24:06,275
Maybe for him.

1465
01:24:07,309 --> 01:24:10,679
Mostly, I think,
for me.

1466
01:24:11,846 --> 01:24:14,216
And Marlon.

1467
01:24:15,418 --> 01:24:19,321
I never had anybody look at me
quite like that before.

1468
01:24:20,655 --> 01:24:24,593
And believe me, I've had some--
Some looks that could kill.

1469
01:24:27,495 --> 01:24:31,499
He stood by Lonette.
I could've never, ever--

1470
01:24:31,600 --> 01:24:36,071
You don't know what you'll do
till you really love someone.

1471
01:24:36,172 --> 01:24:38,674
( sighs )

1472
01:24:38,774 --> 01:24:41,244
Well, now what?

1473
01:24:42,345 --> 01:24:44,546
You gonna shoehorn yourself
into the situation?

1474
01:24:44,647 --> 01:24:46,013
No.

1475
01:24:46,115 --> 01:24:47,882
You did the only thing
you could do.

1476
01:24:47,982 --> 01:24:50,219
You behaved
like a gentleman.

1477
01:24:50,318 --> 01:24:52,820
I've never been accused
of that before.

1478
01:24:52,920 --> 01:24:54,055
Don't get
all choked up.

1479
01:24:54,157 --> 01:24:55,358
You also
behaved like

1480
01:24:55,457 --> 01:24:56,725
a scheming,
backstabbing,

1481
01:24:56,824 --> 01:24:58,761
so-low-you-can-look-up-
a-snake's-asshole

1482
01:24:58,861 --> 01:25:00,095
son of a bitch.

1483
01:25:00,196 --> 01:25:04,733
Next time,
think before unzipping.

1484
01:25:05,100 --> 01:25:09,104
It's all right.
You screwed up.

1485
01:25:09,204 --> 01:25:11,839
So, what are you
gonna do, huh?

1486
01:25:11,940 --> 01:25:14,943
Run to the bridge?

1487
01:25:15,042 --> 01:25:18,347
The question is...

1488
01:25:19,682 --> 01:25:23,619
...what's gonna happen
with the rest of your life?

1489
01:25:30,159 --> 01:25:33,027
( sighs )

1490
01:25:33,128 --> 01:25:36,564
( melancholy theme playing )

1491
01:25:49,977 --> 01:25:53,047
I'd be lying if I didn't admit
the events of the past few weeks

1492
01:25:53,148 --> 01:25:57,385
have knocked me
for a bit of a loop.

1493
01:26:02,191 --> 01:26:03,491
( horn honking )

1494
01:26:03,591 --> 01:26:06,395
All right, all right, all right.

1495
01:26:16,771 --> 01:26:18,105
Hello, mate.

1496
01:26:18,206 --> 01:26:19,774
And what can we do
for you this evening?

1497
01:26:19,874 --> 01:26:21,844
How much are one of those?
Five-fifty.

1498
01:26:21,943 --> 01:26:25,012
And you'll need to put them
in water immediately.

1499
01:26:25,112 --> 01:26:26,881
Right.
I'll have that.

1500
01:26:32,288 --> 01:26:33,722
Second thought.

1501
01:26:33,821 --> 01:26:36,324
Actually, this is--
This is sort of a special thing.

1502
01:26:36,425 --> 01:26:38,193
And what's
the occasion?

1503
01:26:38,294 --> 01:26:39,627
Say again?

1504
01:26:39,728 --> 01:26:41,563
Proposal?

1505
01:26:41,663 --> 01:26:44,300
No. No, no.

1506
01:26:45,200 --> 01:26:48,203
Well, I do want to
extend an offer

1507
01:26:48,304 --> 01:26:50,004
to maybe
have a go at it

1508
01:26:50,104 --> 01:26:51,439
for a bit,

1509
01:26:51,539 --> 01:26:53,208
give us a spin,
that kind of thing.

1510
01:26:53,309 --> 01:26:56,444
I get it.
Commitment issues.

1511
01:26:56,544 --> 01:27:00,448
Tell me what she,
or he, is like,

1512
01:27:00,548 --> 01:27:03,017
and we'll find
the appropriate bloom.

1513
01:27:03,117 --> 01:27:07,423
Well, she is...

1514
01:27:10,325 --> 01:27:13,962
You know what,
she's...adventurous.

1515
01:27:14,062 --> 01:27:15,097
Ah!

1516
01:27:15,197 --> 01:27:17,132
Frivole.

1517
01:27:17,232 --> 01:27:19,602
And very, uh, sexy.

1518
01:27:22,136 --> 01:27:23,070
I'm thinking Dolce Vita.

1519
01:27:23,170 --> 01:27:25,373
A little mischievous.

1520
01:27:25,474 --> 01:27:27,709
You know, cheeky?

1521
01:27:27,810 --> 01:27:28,643
Avalanche.

1522
01:27:28,744 --> 01:27:34,449
With a touch of mio amore.

1523
01:27:35,618 --> 01:27:39,086
And then, under it all, she's--
She's just--

1524
01:27:39,186 --> 01:27:43,759
She's just
kind of...sweet.

1525
01:27:48,030 --> 01:27:51,400
( brassy theme playing )

1526
01:28:08,049 --> 01:28:10,017
Liz?

1527
01:28:10,118 --> 01:28:10,986
LIZ: Hello?

1528
01:28:11,085 --> 01:28:13,455
It's me, my love.

1529
01:28:14,122 --> 01:28:15,658
Hey!
Hey.

1530
01:28:15,758 --> 01:28:17,259
I didn't expect
to see you tonight.

1531
01:28:17,360 --> 01:28:18,627
I thought
you were working.

1532
01:28:18,726 --> 01:28:20,428
I had a cancellation.
Oh.

1533
01:28:20,529 --> 01:28:22,263
So I took
the night off.

1534
01:28:22,365 --> 01:28:24,632
Listen, I thought we should get
up early, get out of the city,

1535
01:28:24,732 --> 01:28:26,669
go to the country
and see if we can stay

1536
01:28:26,768 --> 01:28:28,503
at that B & B
you're always on about.

1537
01:28:28,604 --> 01:28:30,204
Oh, honey, I'd love to,
but I can't.

1538
01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:31,706
I have an investors' breakfast
in the morning.

1539
01:28:31,807 --> 01:28:33,409
But how about on the weekend?
Brilliant.

1540
01:28:33,508 --> 01:28:35,142
Yep?
Better.

1541
01:28:35,242 --> 01:28:36,444
All right.
I thought you may--

1542
01:28:36,545 --> 01:28:38,746
( gasps )
( laughs )

1543
01:28:39,246 --> 01:28:41,817
Oh, my God.

1544
01:28:41,917 --> 01:28:45,152
No. Alfie.
Mm.

1545
01:28:45,252 --> 01:28:47,890
Oh, what
a sweet gesture.

1546
01:28:47,990 --> 01:28:49,256
Milady.

1547
01:28:49,358 --> 01:28:50,926
Mm.

1548
01:28:51,026 --> 01:28:53,028
They're not out of
some plastic bucket, all right?

1549
01:28:53,127 --> 01:28:55,763
No.
I handpicked, like, every bud.

1550
01:28:55,864 --> 01:28:57,298
I can see that.

1551
01:28:57,400 --> 01:29:00,067
And apparently, I have a bit of
a flair for flower arranging.

1552
01:29:00,167 --> 01:29:01,970
I'm impressed.
Really, I--

1553
01:29:02,069 --> 01:29:04,205
I mean, wow! Talk about
being blown away. I--

1554
01:29:04,305 --> 01:29:06,509
Good.
Mission accomplished.

1555
01:29:07,810 --> 01:29:11,145
I like
surprising you.

1556
01:29:11,246 --> 01:29:14,482
Well, you certainly
have done that.

1557
01:29:14,583 --> 01:29:16,484
All right, then.

1558
01:29:16,585 --> 01:29:19,787
Well, you're up early,
so I'm off.

1559
01:29:19,887 --> 01:29:22,024
Okay. Well, I'm gonna see
you tomorrow night?

1560
01:29:22,123 --> 01:29:23,491
Yeah.

1561
01:29:23,592 --> 01:29:25,827
When we-- When we speak,
there's some things--

1562
01:29:25,928 --> 01:29:29,697
Or something I really wanna
talk to you about.

1563
01:29:29,797 --> 01:29:31,467
What, honey?

1564
01:29:31,566 --> 01:29:34,268
I'm gonna wait for
the exact perfect moment,

1565
01:29:34,369 --> 01:29:36,804
and... that's all
I'll say.

1566
01:29:36,905 --> 01:29:38,140
Okay.

1567
01:29:38,239 --> 01:29:40,608
I'll ring you in the morning.

1568
01:29:40,708 --> 01:29:42,445
Oh, and, Alfie, thank you
for the flowers, really.

1569
01:29:42,545 --> 01:29:44,111
They made my evening.

1570
01:29:44,211 --> 01:29:46,415
Really?

1571
01:29:47,314 --> 01:29:49,316
In that case...

1572
01:29:49,418 --> 01:29:51,587
maybe I'll stay.

1573
01:29:55,823 --> 01:29:58,427
( whispers ):
I don't--

1574
01:29:59,861 --> 01:30:02,498
No, it's not
a good idea.

1575
01:30:06,635 --> 01:30:09,637
There's a guy in there,
isn't there?

1576
01:30:13,308 --> 01:30:14,743
God!

1577
01:30:23,384 --> 01:30:24,886
Go.

1578
01:30:30,425 --> 01:30:31,960
Don't do this.

1579
01:30:36,363 --> 01:30:38,100
What's he got?

1580
01:30:39,400 --> 01:30:41,069
Better than me?

1581
01:30:41,168 --> 01:30:42,303
Alfie, please.

1582
01:30:42,403 --> 01:30:45,474
Tell me. Please?

1583
01:30:47,408 --> 01:30:51,547
Really, I would like to know.
What's he got? Tell me.

1584
01:30:52,279 --> 01:30:53,582
I want to know
what he's got.

1585
01:30:53,681 --> 01:30:55,750
Please tell me.

1586
01:30:56,751 --> 01:31:00,187
Come on. Come on.
Come on, just tell me.

1587
01:31:00,287 --> 01:31:02,890
Just tell me.
Come on.

1588
01:31:03,992 --> 01:31:07,563
( yells ):
What's he got better than me?

1589
01:31:15,871 --> 01:31:18,541
He's younger
than you.

1590
01:31:18,640 --> 01:31:22,077
( melancholy theme playing )

1591
01:31:46,333 --> 01:31:48,571
ALFIE: "He's younger than you."

1592
01:31:50,972 --> 01:31:54,308
I've gotta admit,
I didn't see it coming.

1593
01:31:54,408 --> 01:31:55,778
( sighs )

1594
01:31:55,877 --> 01:31:59,582
She caught me off-guard,
all right.

1595
01:32:00,447 --> 01:32:04,519
You couldn't tell, though,
could you?

1596
01:32:06,521 --> 01:32:07,922
As you've learned by now,

1597
01:32:08,023 --> 01:32:12,760
I'm rather skilled
at hiding my feelings.

1598
01:32:16,431 --> 01:32:18,165
You see, the thing
with feelings is

1599
01:32:18,266 --> 01:32:21,436
they have this quiet way
of sneaking up on you

1600
01:32:21,536 --> 01:32:24,072
when you least expect it.

1601
01:32:26,141 --> 01:32:28,043
You know what I mean?

1602
01:32:28,143 --> 01:32:30,779
Yeah.

1603
01:32:31,780 --> 01:32:33,215
Like with Liz.

1604
01:32:33,314 --> 01:32:38,621
Who would've thought,
of all the women I've known...

1605
01:32:39,921 --> 01:32:41,889
...the one
I let my guard down with

1606
01:32:41,989 --> 01:32:44,326
delivers the knockout punch.

1607
01:32:47,129 --> 01:32:49,030
Ironic.

1608
01:32:51,432 --> 01:32:53,801
Calendar word.

1609
01:33:01,276 --> 01:33:03,345
Dorie.

1610
01:33:07,582 --> 01:33:10,986
Hi.
Hello, Alfie.

1611
01:33:12,487 --> 01:33:14,422
I haven't seen you
in ages.

1612
01:33:14,521 --> 01:33:16,892
Maybe because
you stopped calling.

1613
01:33:16,992 --> 01:33:18,460
I know.

1614
01:33:18,560 --> 01:33:20,194
Things were getting
a bit too--

1615
01:33:20,294 --> 01:33:23,230
Don't bother explaining.
I'm way past needing excuses.

1616
01:33:23,331 --> 01:33:27,636
All right. No, you know what?
I want to explain.

1617
01:33:27,735 --> 01:33:30,105
What? You had your fill of me?

1618
01:33:30,205 --> 01:33:32,874
Someone cuter came along?
I don't need to hear it, Alfie.

1619
01:33:32,975 --> 01:33:34,276
Look, Dorie--
Really.

1620
01:33:34,375 --> 01:33:37,011
Look, Dorie...

1621
01:33:39,247 --> 01:33:40,848
What happens
with me is--

1622
01:33:40,948 --> 01:33:44,119
I don't know, I get--

1623
01:33:44,219 --> 01:33:45,387
When it gets too--

1624
01:33:45,486 --> 01:33:48,323
Not close
but something like that,

1625
01:33:48,422 --> 01:33:50,258
I start to feel--

1626
01:33:50,357 --> 01:33:57,733
Not stifled, not trapped,
but something like that.

1627
01:33:57,833 --> 01:34:00,736
And I-- And...

1628
01:34:01,602 --> 01:34:04,406
You know?
You know what I mean?

1629
01:34:07,408 --> 01:34:08,376
Did that make--?

1630
01:34:08,476 --> 01:34:10,878
Did that make any sense?

1631
01:34:10,979 --> 01:34:15,917
I think it has to make sense to
you more than me at this point.

1632
01:34:17,919 --> 01:34:19,521
Yeah, fair enough.

1633
01:34:19,621 --> 01:34:23,025
I need to go.
He'll be waiting for me.

1634
01:34:23,124 --> 01:34:24,727
Dorie.

1635
01:34:30,431 --> 01:34:32,433
I'm sorry.

1636
01:34:48,283 --> 01:34:50,719
Good luck, Alfie.

1637
01:35:05,700 --> 01:35:09,071
I warned them all
from the beginning.

1638
01:35:09,171 --> 01:35:12,908
I always said something
along the lines of,

1639
01:35:13,007 --> 01:35:15,110
"I must advise you,

1640
01:35:15,210 --> 01:35:20,015
"I am stamped with
an invisible warning.

1641
01:35:20,115 --> 01:35:25,320
Will not commit.
Will never marry."

1642
01:35:31,326 --> 01:35:32,394
Despite my best efforts,

1643
01:35:32,493 --> 01:35:35,429
I'm beginning
to feel some small cracks

1644
01:35:35,530 --> 01:35:40,002
in my faux finish.

1645
01:35:41,668 --> 01:35:45,139
You know, when I look back
on my little life,

1646
01:35:45,240 --> 01:35:48,410
and all the women I've known...

1647
01:35:49,411 --> 01:35:52,747
...I can't help
but think about...

1648
01:35:54,181 --> 01:35:57,285
...all that they've done
for me...

1649
01:35:58,286 --> 01:36:00,789
...and how little
I've done for them.

1650
01:36:00,889 --> 01:36:04,927
How they looked after me,
cared for me,

1651
01:36:05,027 --> 01:36:09,397
and I repaid them
by never returning the favor.

1652
01:36:11,498 --> 01:36:13,000
Yeah.

1653
01:36:13,101 --> 01:36:16,839
I used to think I had
the best end of the deal.

1654
01:36:21,276 --> 01:36:23,410
What have I got?

1655
01:36:23,511 --> 01:36:25,814
Really?

1656
01:36:26,747 --> 01:36:29,317
Some money in my pocket.

1657
01:36:30,018 --> 01:36:31,185
Some nice threads.

1658
01:36:31,286 --> 01:36:33,655
Fancy car at my disposal.

1659
01:36:33,754 --> 01:36:35,891
And I'm single.

1660
01:36:36,557 --> 01:36:38,927
Yeah.

1661
01:36:39,026 --> 01:36:43,431
Unattached. Free as a bird.

1662
01:36:45,032 --> 01:36:47,701
I don't depend on nobody.

1663
01:36:47,802 --> 01:36:50,372
Nobody depends on me.

1664
01:36:51,073 --> 01:36:53,942
My life's my own.

1665
01:36:59,613 --> 01:37:02,885
But I don't have peace of mind.

1666
01:37:09,123 --> 01:37:12,360
And if you don't have that,
you've got nothing.

1667
01:37:15,429 --> 01:37:17,565
So...

1668
01:37:18,465 --> 01:37:19,634
So, what's the answer?

1669
01:37:19,734 --> 01:37:22,837
That's what
I keep asking myself.

1670
01:37:26,807 --> 01:37:29,476
What's it all about?

1671
01:37:31,079 --> 01:37:33,648
You know what I mean?

1672
01:37:33,747 --> 01:37:37,352
( Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart's
"Old Habits Die Hard" playing )

1673
01:38:16,191 --> 01:38:19,227
Old habits die hard *

1674
01:38:19,326 --> 01:38:24,933
Old soldiers
Just fade away *

1675
01:38:25,032 --> 01:38:28,869
Old habits die hard *

1676
01:38:28,971 --> 01:38:34,375
Hard enough
To feel the pain *

1677
01:38:35,309 --> 01:38:38,613
I thought
I shook myself free *

1678
01:38:38,712 --> 01:38:43,618
You see, I bounce back
Quicker than most *

1679
01:38:43,717 --> 01:38:45,954
But I'm half-delirious *

1680
01:38:46,054 --> 01:38:47,654
It's too mysterious *

1681
01:38:47,754 --> 01:38:51,960
You walk through my walls
Like a ghost *

1682
01:38:52,060 --> 01:38:56,397
And I take every day
At a time *

1683
01:38:56,498 --> 01:39:01,036
I'm proud as a lion
In its lair *

1684
01:39:01,136 --> 01:39:03,205
Now there's no denying it *

1685
01:39:03,304 --> 01:39:05,306
And no decrying it *

1686
01:39:05,406 --> 01:39:10,377
You're all tangled up
In my hair *

1687
01:39:11,013 --> 01:39:14,481
Old habits die hard *

1688
01:39:14,581 --> 01:39:19,220
Old soldiers
Just fade away *

1689
01:39:19,321 --> 01:39:22,824
Old habits die hard *

1690
01:39:22,923 --> 01:39:28,030
Harder than November rain *

1691
01:39:28,130 --> 01:39:32,733
Old habits die hard *

1692
01:39:32,834 --> 01:39:33,934
Old soldiers *

1693
01:39:34,036 --> 01:39:36,237
Just fade away *

1694
01:39:36,338 --> 01:39:40,675
Old habits die hard *

1695
01:39:40,774 --> 01:39:46,413
Hard enough to feel the pain *

1696
01:39:47,214 --> 01:39:50,384
We haven't spoken in months *

1697
01:39:50,485 --> 01:39:55,157
You see, I've been
Counting the days *

1698
01:39:55,257 --> 01:39:58,225
I dream of such inanities *

1699
01:39:58,325 --> 01:40:00,062
Such insanities *

1700
01:40:00,162 --> 01:40:04,231
I'm lost like a kid in a maze *

1701
01:40:04,331 --> 01:40:08,136
But I've never taken
Your calls *

1702
01:40:08,236 --> 01:40:13,075
You see, I put the block
On my phone *

1703
01:40:13,174 --> 01:40:15,343
I act like an addict *

1704
01:40:15,442 --> 01:40:17,412
I've just got to have it *

1705
01:40:17,512 --> 01:40:21,483
I never can leave it alone *

1706
01:40:21,583 --> 01:40:23,051
Yeah *

1707
01:40:23,150 --> 01:40:26,220
Old habits die hard *

1708
01:40:27,154 --> 01:40:31,626
Old soldiers
Just fade away *

1709
01:40:31,725 --> 01:40:34,629
Old habits die hard *

1710
01:40:34,728 --> 01:40:43,071
Hard enough
To feel the pain *

1711
01:40:51,345 --> 01:40:55,550
Old habits die hard *

1712
01:41:04,024 --> 01:41:09,531
Old soldiers
Just fade away *

1713
01:41:09,631 --> 01:41:13,201
( Joss Stone's "Alfie" playing )

1714
01:41:17,472 --> 01:41:21,842
Oooh, oooh, oooh *

1715
01:41:23,077 --> 01:41:24,978
Oh, yeah *

1716
01:41:25,079 --> 01:41:30,784
What's it all about, Alfie? *

1717
01:41:30,885 --> 01:41:32,986
Is it just *

1718
01:41:33,087 --> 01:41:38,793
For the moment we live? *

1719
01:41:38,892 --> 01:41:42,264
What's it all about *

1720
01:41:42,364 --> 01:41:47,033
When you sort it out, Alfie? *

1721
01:41:47,135 --> 01:41:51,239
Are we meant to take more *

1722
01:41:51,338 --> 01:41:54,276
Than we give *

1723
01:41:54,376 --> 01:42:00,748
Or are we meant to be kind? *

1724
01:42:01,982 --> 01:42:09,591
And if only fools
Are kind, Alfie *

1725
01:42:09,691 --> 01:42:16,730
Then I guess
It is wise to be cruel *

1726
01:42:16,830 --> 01:42:23,638
And if life belongs
Only to the strong, Alfie *

1727
01:42:24,939 --> 01:42:33,014
What will you lend
On an old golden rule? *

1728
01:42:33,113 --> 01:42:39,085
As sure as I believe *

1729
01:42:39,187 --> 01:42:45,559
There's a heaven above, Alfie *

1730
01:42:47,429 --> 01:42:54,034
I know there's something
Much more *

1731
01:42:54,134 --> 01:43:00,006
Something even non-believers *

1732
01:43:00,106 --> 01:43:04,044
Can believe in *

1733
01:43:04,144 --> 01:43:11,386
I believe in love, Alfie *

1734
01:43:12,520 --> 01:43:20,194
Without true love
We just exist, Alfie *

1735
01:43:20,294 --> 01:43:24,831
Until you find the love
You've missed *

1736
01:43:24,932 --> 01:43:30,004
You're nothing, Alfie *

1737
01:43:30,103 --> 01:43:36,511
Oooh, oh, oh, Alfie *

1738
01:43:38,178 --> 01:43:40,013
When you walk *

1739
01:43:40,113 --> 01:43:45,519
Let your heart lead the way *

1740
01:43:45,619 --> 01:43:51,893
And you'll find love any day *

1741
01:43:57,865 --> 01:44:01,303
What's it all about? *

1742
01:44:01,403 --> 01:44:04,772
( smooth jazz theme playing )