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[♪♪♪]
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Everyone, it's Thursday.
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So it's time for
our Monday staff meeting.
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My name is Weggie Rudlin.
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I'm the new super-duper smart,
Harvard-educated president
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of entertainment at BET.
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MAN: Yep.
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Do you know why
I was given this job?
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You're super-duper smart.
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Yes. But why?
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Because you went
to Harvard.
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Yes. But why would they want
a super-duper smart guy
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who went to Harvard
to run BET?
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MAN:
I know.
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[TYPING]
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[COMPUTER BEEPS]
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Because it's time to take BET
in a new direction.
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Remember the first day
I showed up, I asked,
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"What's your highest-rated
program?"
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And you guys said:
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106 & Park with AJ and Free.
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Yes.
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MAN: Yep.
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And I said,
"Great. Fire them." Why?
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Because what you call success,
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Weggie Rudlin calls failure.
And vice versa.
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See, when people ask me,
have I made BET a success,
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I say no.
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[SNORING]
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It's time to redefine success.
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Because once you
embrace failure,
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you can't go anywhere
else but up.
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That's a business theory
taught at Harvard
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called "negative elevation."
Now, I may be going a too fast,
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but I'm happy to
slow it down.
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Are there any questions?
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Is it true
that you put a ban
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on two- and three-syllable
words, man?
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Good question. Yes.
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Our research says
we need to be focusing
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on the monosyllabic
demographic.
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I believe lots of syllables
confuses our viewers.
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Especially those in the South.
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I've got a question.
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Of course.
You didn't go to Harvard.
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Do you have any experience
running a network?
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Okay, see now.
You're a hater.
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You're fired,
so get on out of here.
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But I haven't been paid
in three months.
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This is basically
volunteer work for me.
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Oh. Well. Quiet down,
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so the rest of us who are
getting paid
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can work, thank you.
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MAN:
You're the Harvard man.
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Okay. I would like everyone
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to please
look under their chairs.
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You will find a copy
of the Black Panther comic book
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that I wrote.
Please read it carefully.
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This is the super-cool stuff
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we'll be doing at BET
from now on.
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Chicken. Are you kidding me?
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That's your complimentary lunch.
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And the orange is
your new health care plan.
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Antioxidants.
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Very important. Wait.
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Nope, nope, nope.
You don't get any.
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You are fired.
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Okay, let's talk about
some new shows.
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As you know, we're starting
BET Animation.
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Here's what I wanna see.
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I'm thinking rappers.
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Young M.C. roller skating.
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Edginess. He's going too fast.
His brakes don't work.
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We'll get Tone Loc
to do the voice. Okay, hm...
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How about an animated version
of Hamburglar?
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He's a hungry thug.
It's gritty, like The Wire.
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He does a drive-by
on Burger King.
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McDonald's can co-finance.
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We'll call it, Beef.
Wait a minute.
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I'm seeing a Flintstones thing
happening here.
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Dino could be a rottweiler,
maybe a pit bull.
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Instead of Bedrock,
we're in Africa.
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We're keeping it real.
You got that?
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Got it, Weggie.
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All right. Next stop: reality.
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The Ruckus Reality Show.
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I'm digging it,
I'm feeling it.
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It's what's good.
Let's do that show.
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Wait a minute.
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Is this the show about the black
man who hates black people?
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I hear that tone.
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The head of Viacom personally
asked me to make this show.
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He was being sarcastic.
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No! Excuse me!
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Which one of us
went to Harvard, huh?
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Did you go to Harvard?
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You think you understand
white humor more than me?
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You know, what? Shush.
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You don't even
work here anymore.
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Now, the rest of you,
get a crew.
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Get out someone crossing--
Wherever that guy's from.
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And let's make
The Uncle Ruckus Show happen.
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[♪♪♪]
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♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
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♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
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♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
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♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
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♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
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♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
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♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
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♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
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♪ To call your brother sun ♪
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♪ The story that just begun ♪
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♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
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♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
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♪ Till the war is won
Won ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
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[♪♪♪]
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[BUZZES]
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RUCKUS:
I wake up at a quarter to 5
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in the a.m. every morning.
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That's about 12 hours
before most niggas wake up.
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[SNICKERS]
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I am a very spiritual person.
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I start each day by thanking
the white man for the sunrise.
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For the land I walk on.
For the air I breathe.
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I also apologize for niggas.
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But Lord knows they ain't gonna
apologize for themselves.
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I am not black. Nor do I
consider myself to be black.
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Many people mistake me
for being Negro
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because they don't know
that I am currently living
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with the heartbreak
of revitiligo.
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That's a skin condition
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that's the opposite
of what Michael Jackson's got.
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Every morning, I apply
the topical ointment
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made of bleach and sulfur.
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I like to think it works.
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Luckily, I hadn't gotten much
darker in the last few years.
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As you can see here, I enjoy
building small shrines
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to certain special white people
who are important in my life.
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This one here is dedicated
to John Wayne.
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Great white man.
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Didn't take no shit from
niggas, Injuns, nor Mexicans.
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And this one here is for
George Bush the first.
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Loved him.
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Now, this one here
is dedicated
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to the most soulful
soul singer to ever live.
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[♪♪♪]
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Yeah, I work about 32 jobs
over the course of a week.
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I think it's interesting
I got 32 jobs
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when most niggas say
they can't find one.
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[LAUGHS]
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Uh, niggas.
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And one of the great
pleasures of my day
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is taking all these pretty
little white children to school
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in the morning.
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Hey, there--
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Move out of my way, fat boy.
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I keep the bus nice
and clean for 'em.
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These kids-- Oh, excuse me,
excuse me--
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Oh, hello there,
Miss Matheson--
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Whatever.
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How is my little sunshine?
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold it right there.
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Hey, man, stop.
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Where's the gun, huh?
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Where's the gun?
Go on, get.
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Get. Get out of here.
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Go do your little
hyphy-phyphy dances
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and nigga monkey shuffle
somewhere else.
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This here bus is for
kids with a future.
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That's right. That's right.
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Get your lazy asses
some exercise.
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Y'all should just
go be rappers.
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Get into a beef and then
shoot each other.
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[CACKLES]
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Desegregation ruined
the American school system.
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When did test scores
across the country drop?
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After desegregation.
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When did drug use and violence
in schools go up?
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After desegregation.
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There were never no white kids
shooting up nothing
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before they started going
to school with niggas.
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These little angels wouldn't
even know what a gun was.
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[ALL YELLING]
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The white man is
a peace-loving man.
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People say the key to fixing
the problems of Negroes
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is education.
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But I say education
is not the answer.
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Why bother?
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And what do niggas do
in college anyway?
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Oh, they go there. They party.
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Get drunk for four, five years,
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and end up just as ignorant
as when they came in.
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You ever seen these nigga
fraternities and sororities?
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You ever seen these things?
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Silliest shit I ever seen
in my life.
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You think Aristotle turned
to Achilles and said:
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00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:56,515
"Hey, let's create a fraternity
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and jump up and down,
barking like dogs"?
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Hell no.
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00:07:00,719 --> 00:07:02,922
White man out there
getting Nobel Prizes
206
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,457
and doing business deals
in the fraternities.
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00:07:05,457 --> 00:07:07,727
Niggas jumping up and down
with candy canes,
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00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:11,797
and doing all kinds of silly
shit with their hands.
209
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People say there's no
difference between the races.
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Well, I'll tell you what,
211
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I've been cleaning
bathrooms for a long time.
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And I can say...white-man shit
213
00:07:20,372 --> 00:07:21,607
just don't smell the same
214
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,375
as black African shit.
215
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:25,611
See, the white man just got
a better liver.
216
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,146
White man eats his meat raw.
217
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,081
See, that's healthier.
He calls it tartare.
218
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Well, how you doing
this fine day?
219
00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:33,218
[SCREAMS]
220
00:07:33,218 --> 00:07:35,521
May I say your dookie smells
like sparkling ice water.
221
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,556
Jesus!
222
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,556
With a twist of lime.
223
00:07:37,556 --> 00:07:40,459
See. That's why he don't have
to wash his hands neither.
224
00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:44,831
Yes, sir. White man
has impeccable hygiene.
225
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,132
Hey, there,
little mulatto girl.
226
00:07:47,132 --> 00:07:48,300
You waiting on
your daddy?
227
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Yes.
228
00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:50,703
[LAUGHS]
229
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,404
Guess she talking about
her daddy, Tom.
230
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He married to a white woman.
231
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Lucky son of a bitch.
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There he is.
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[TIRES SQUEAL]
234
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[BREATHLESSLY]
Sorry I'm late, pumpkin.
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[SNICKERS]
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00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:06,418
Lord have mercy. Tom,
is you wearing a skirt?
237
00:08:06,418 --> 00:08:09,255
This isn't a skirt, Ruckus.
It's a kilt.
238
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,591
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]
It's part of my Scottish
heritage.
239
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:12,892
Now, you stop that
right now.
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That's blasphemy
against Mel Gibson
241
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,161
and the proud
Scottish people.
242
00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:17,629
Mel Gibson isn't Scottish.
243
00:08:17,629 --> 00:08:18,764
Hush your mouth.
244
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:20,366
The Scottish man
deserves better
245
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than you making a mockery
of his history.
246
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:24,270
But, Ruckus, I am
part Scottish.
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00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,205
Thirty two point five
percent, actually.
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I just found out. I took
one of those tests
249
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:29,775
where they trace
your DNA
250
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:32,344
and tell you your exact
ethnic makeup.
251
00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:34,013
It's fun. You should try it.
252
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,382
You 30 percent Scottish?
Black as you is?
253
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,550
[LAUGHING]
I know.
254
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:38,951
Is this a white
doctor or a darky
255
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:39,985
that gave you this test?
256
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,187
Mm, not that
it matters,
257
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,821
but, yes,
he was white.
258
00:08:42,821 --> 00:08:44,723
Well, hell,
that's all you had to say.
259
00:08:44,723 --> 00:08:47,459
A white doctor is
99.9 percent reliable.
260
00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:49,127
Black doctor is an oxymoron.
261
00:08:49,127 --> 00:08:50,562
Unless it's a witch doctor.
262
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:52,230
[SNICKERS]
263
00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:53,832
Well, well, well. Who knows?
264
00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:55,901
Maybe I'll take me
one of them tests.
265
00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:57,436
I mean, why should Alex Haley
266
00:08:57,436 --> 00:09:00,005
be the only person to discover
their roots, you know?
267
00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:01,673
[CHUCKLES]
268
00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:01,673
Huh?
269
00:09:01,673 --> 00:09:02,841
I'm-- I'm sorry. Alex what?
270
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,510
You know. Alex Haley. Roots.
271
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,346
What is that,
some kind of gardening show?
272
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,947
You're joking, right?
273
00:09:08,947 --> 00:09:11,917
Roots. You know, Roots.
274
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:13,518
Uh-- I-- I don't follow you.
275
00:09:13,518 --> 00:09:14,954
Roots. Roots. Roots.
276
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:16,255
You've never heard
of Roots?
277
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:18,790
The miniseries?
Come here, honey.
278
00:09:18,790 --> 00:09:20,259
Hold-- Hold on, here.
279
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:22,060
[CHANTS]
280
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,329
Roots.
281
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,329
I don't know nothing
282
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,864
about what you talking about.
283
00:09:25,864 --> 00:09:27,833
Now, the first thing
you should know about me
284
00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,969
is that I have
a case of the revitiligo.
285
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,937
It's the opposite of
what Michael Jackson got.
286
00:09:31,937 --> 00:09:33,939
No, see, I'm not
that kind of doctor.
287
00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:36,742
I'm more of a scientist
or a technician.
288
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,010
We can trace
genetic markers
289
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,478
to different regions
of the world
290
00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:41,413
and know exactly
what your makeup is.
291
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:43,816
Well, don't let this here
outer shell fool you.
292
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,351
I'm as white
as they come.
293
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,520
My favorite movies are
Gone with the Wind
294
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,521
and Notting Hill.
295
00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:51,590
[♪♪♪]
296
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:52,825
WEGGIE:
Mistress Lee'vil,
297
00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:54,126
remember when you
asked us
298
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:56,061
for a way to destroy
the minds of black children
299
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:57,429
at an even younger age?
300
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:57,429
Oh, sure.
301
00:09:57,429 --> 00:10:00,633
Well, you'll be happy to know
that I started BET Animation
302
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:02,067
to do just that.
303
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:03,802
Splendid. Oh, I love cartoons.
304
00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,404
Especially evil ones.
305
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:08,039
Yeah. Mistress Lee'vil.
We have a kids show coming on
306
00:10:08,039 --> 00:10:11,310
called Super Cyborg
Mandingo Man. Yeah.
307
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,413
We go there.
He's an African warrior.
308
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,881
Yes, yes. Get to
the evil part.
309
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:17,416
Well, maybe I should just
show you.
310
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:19,785
We have the pilot.
311
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:19,785
What's that, the script?
312
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,321
Actually, we spent all our money
on the Vin Diesel show.
313
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:23,989
Oh, my God,
he's so awesome.
314
00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:26,959
So we got to do this one
with a flip book.
315
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,894
Hm. Well, it certainly
is incompetent.
316
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:31,730
But we're missing something.
What are we missing, people?
317
00:10:31,730 --> 00:10:33,833
A budget?
318
00:10:31,730 --> 00:10:33,833
Uh, yes, but no.
319
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,167
Talent?
320
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,167
Yes, but no.
321
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,301
A work ethic?
322
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,301
Pride?
323
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:37,302
Self-respect?
324
00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:38,570
What network do you
work for?
325
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:39,672
BET.
326
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:40,939
And what does that
stand for?
327
00:10:40,939 --> 00:10:42,074
Black Entertainment--
328
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:44,342
No!
329
00:10:44,342 --> 00:10:47,546
Black Evil Television.
330
00:10:47,546 --> 00:10:50,015
It's not enough
that the shows are bad.
331
00:10:50,015 --> 00:10:52,984
They have to be evil as well.
332
00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:55,054
Send in my evil henchmen!
333
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,489
These are my evil henchmen:
334
00:10:57,489 --> 00:11:00,259
Big Nigga and Crazy Bitch.
335
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:01,594
Big Nigga, Crazy Bitch,
336
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:04,163
teach this person the meaning
of black and evil.
337
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,497
[BOTH GASP]
338
00:11:05,497 --> 00:11:07,032
Oh no, this mizzle didn't.
339
00:11:07,032 --> 00:11:09,335
No. Mistress
Lee'vil, please.
340
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,070
We'll make it more
evil, I promise.
341
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,138
Oh. Hell, no, this
motherfucker gonna--
342
00:11:13,138 --> 00:11:14,640
[SCREAMS]
343
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,142
Weggie, please! Save me!
344
00:11:17,142 --> 00:11:18,977
[SCREAMING]
345
00:11:17,142 --> 00:11:18,977
[HUMS]
346
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:20,346
[HOWLS]
347
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:27,186
[SNICKERS]
348
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:27,186
[SCREAMING]
349
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:30,555
Ah-- Ah--
350
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:30,555
LEE'VIL: Mr. Weggie Rudlin.
351
00:11:30,555 --> 00:11:32,324
Ah-- Huh?
352
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:35,060
This Uncle Ruckus show,
how's it going?
353
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:38,330
Uh...great. F-fantastic.
354
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,833
Is it evil?
355
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,200
Oh, absolutely.
356
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,636
I hope so, Weggie...
357
00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:46,338
for your sake.
358
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,273
[♪♪♪]
359
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,713
Because if it's
not evil, then,
360
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:55,981
you know what's gonna happen.
361
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,219
And by "happen," I mean
you'll be killed,
362
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,820
or at least
very seriously injured.
363
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:04,890
So-- So, you know,
just make sure it's evil.
364
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,660
Ah. Here it is.
365
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,961
My test results. Can you hear
my heart beating?
366
00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:13,165
Oh, the white-man science
is amazing, ain't it?
367
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:14,100
[♪♪♪]
368
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,537
Oh, no. N--
369
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:21,106
Th-- This--
This can't be.
370
00:12:21,106 --> 00:12:24,476
It says, I'm 102 percent
African.
371
00:12:24,476 --> 00:12:26,945
With a 2 percent
margin of error.
372
00:12:26,945 --> 00:12:29,047
Why, Lord?
373
00:12:29,047 --> 00:12:31,450
Why, Lord, why?
374
00:12:34,719 --> 00:12:36,288
[CACKLES]
375
00:12:34,719 --> 00:12:36,288
RUCKUS:
I got something
376
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:37,690
for a fraternity
of niggas:
377
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,591
a fraternity of bananas
up a tree.
378
00:12:39,591 --> 00:12:42,093
[BARKS, CACKLING]
379
00:12:39,591 --> 00:12:42,093
WEGGIE: Bananas.
380
00:12:42,093 --> 00:12:44,196
Black fraternities should have
an African name.
381
00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:45,964
Like Boogie, Boogie.
382
00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:45,964
WEGGIE: Black fraternity.
383
00:12:45,964 --> 00:12:47,365
Boogie, Boogie, Boogie.
384
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:48,967
Hey, I got a black
fraternity for you:
385
00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:51,737
It's called prison.
Jail-Phi-Jail, nigga.
386
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:53,572
You know--
387
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:53,572
Jail-Phi-Jail.
388
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:54,740
[DOOR OPENS]
389
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:54,740
Mr. Rudlin,
390
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,309
there's a problem
on the Ruckus shoot.
391
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:58,510
MAN:
What's the problem?
392
00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,045
He hasn't gotten out of bed
in three days.
393
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:01,981
He got some bad test results
or something.
394
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:05,517
[WEGGIE SQUAWKING OVER PHONE]
395
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:05,517
Yes. Yes.
396
00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:08,153
Yes, I know you went
to Harvard. Yeah.
397
00:13:08,153 --> 00:13:10,756
Okay. He said
just keep filming.
398
00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:12,191
[SIGHS]
399
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,059
Well, I'm black now.
400
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,762
So the first thing I did
was quit all my jobs.
401
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,196
[SIGHS]
402
00:13:18,196 --> 00:13:20,265
I don't know how
I'm supposed to pay the bills.
403
00:13:20,265 --> 00:13:22,400
Probably have to start
selling crack.
404
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,471
Or rapping. Or rapping
about selling crack.
405
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:31,377
You know, I might not even
have revitiligo.
406
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,248
[SIGHS]
407
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:38,017
Okay, I'm black.
408
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,685
What am I supposed to do now?
409
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,890
So this is it, huh?
Is this what you do all day?
410
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,224
Sit there
reading books
411
00:13:46,224 --> 00:13:48,127
that make you think better
of yourself, huh?
412
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:49,528
Black man can't get
nowhere
413
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,463
with his little
pecan-sized mind.
414
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:53,665
So now you can read.
Now what?
415
00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:55,567
What you gonna do now?
416
00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:55,567
[SIGHS]
417
00:13:55,567 --> 00:13:57,068
[LAUGHING]
Oh, uh-huh.
418
00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:59,270
Nothing. That's what
I thought.
419
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,873
You know why?
'Cause we niggas. Both of us.
420
00:14:01,873 --> 00:14:03,342
And that's--
421
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:06,111
[SOBBING]
And that's all
we ever gonna be.
422
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:09,881
That's all we ever gonna be.
423
00:14:09,881 --> 00:14:12,150
So this is what
I have to look forward to
424
00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:13,151
as a black man, huh?
425
00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:14,486
Just sitting around,
426
00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:16,254
playing PlayStation
all day.
427
00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:16,254
[GROWLS]
428
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:18,656
Waiting for the next
Madden to come out.
429
00:14:18,656 --> 00:14:20,325
Maybe I should go out
and put rims...
430
00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:23,295
Oh.
431
00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:23,295
...and all kinds of goofy
shit on my truck.
432
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:24,829
[♪♪♪]
433
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,932
RUCKUS:
Oh, we probably gonna die
any second now
434
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,735
from one of these conditions
and diseases that niggas get.
435
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:32,271
You name it:
diabetes, gout,
436
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,639
high blood pressure,
asthma, sickle cell--
437
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:38,009
Oh, Ruckus, stop.
This is all in your damn head.
438
00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:40,546
You the exact same fool
you were last week.
439
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,948
You were black then,
you're black now,
440
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,750
and you're gonna be
black tomorrow.
441
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,585
Ain't nothing wrong
with being black.
442
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:47,686
If you give it a chance,
443
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,622
you might actually
like it. Mm-hm.
444
00:14:51,089 --> 00:14:52,691
Ruckus, what are
we doing here?
445
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:54,459
Well, this is what
niggas do, right?
446
00:14:54,459 --> 00:14:57,863
Buy sneakers. Then, maybe later
we'll buy loud stereos
447
00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:59,999
and berate women
in rap lyrics.
448
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,367
Is this the kind of shit
449
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:02,967
you niggas put on your feet
nowadays?
450
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:05,237
This look like a damn
astronaut shoe.
451
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,305
I'm black. I'm not walking
to the moon.
452
00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:09,508
I'm walking to
the liquor store.
453
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:11,443
GRANDDAD:
Ruckus, stop. Come on, man.
454
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:13,845
RUCKUS:
LeBron James. Allen Iverson.
455
00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:17,783
Can I get a shoe named
after a white man, please?
456
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,318
Excuse me. Ahem. Darky
in the zebra shirt.
457
00:15:20,318 --> 00:15:21,854
Could I get a Bruce
Jenner sneaker?
458
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,288
Man, to hell
with this bullshit.
459
00:15:23,288 --> 00:15:24,890
You on your own.
460
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:26,992
I'm not leaving here
till I get me a shoe
461
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,394
named after a white man.
462
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:31,597
John Stockton. "Pistol" Pete
Maravich. Anybody.
463
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:36,068
MAN 1:
I ain't saying I like
the Democrats. I don't.
464
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:38,437
But they sure as hell don't
know what the fuck they doin'.
465
00:15:40,238 --> 00:15:42,774
The Republicans? They done
fucked the country to hell.
466
00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:43,976
MAN 2:
They sure did.
467
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,577
BARBER:
Nigga, just look at Iraq.
468
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:47,312
President over there
killing black folk.
469
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:48,580
MAN 2:
Mm-hm. They black.
470
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,082
Huh. I wish they'd
send me to Iraq.
471
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:52,751
I'd tell motherfucking Bush
to kiss my black ass.
472
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:53,819
Now, that's enough.
473
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,821
Time out, Negroes.
Time out.
474
00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:58,890
I can't sit here and let y'all
badmouth my president.
475
00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:01,126
Did any of y'all niggas
hear the president
476
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:04,663
when he said Iraq was central
to the global war on terror?
477
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:07,966
Or did y'all miss it because
he wasn't speaking in baboon?
478
00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,901
[GIBBERS]
479
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,103
Instead of sitting around here
chopping the Brillo
480
00:16:12,103 --> 00:16:13,605
off each other's
heads,
481
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:15,774
y'all should've take
your black asses to Iraq
482
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:18,444
and help fight
for our freedom.
483
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,916
A little more off
the sides, please.
484
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:25,417
Whoa-- Whoa-- Whoa--
Whoa...
485
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:27,252
[GROWLS]
486
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:27,252
Damn gorilla terrorists.
487
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:29,354
[♪♪♪]
488
00:16:29,354 --> 00:16:32,291
Just what is going on?
Why have you kidnapped me?
489
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,392
And now, doctor,
490
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:37,429
we will discuss
your methods of DNA testing.
491
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:38,830
[CHUCKLES]
492
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,866
No. Please. No!
493
00:16:43,701 --> 00:16:46,004
WEGGIE:
Shit! Why does this
always happen
494
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,707
when we try to use the goddamn
torture machine?!
495
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,809
Can somebody please
get the power back on
496
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:52,277
so we can use
the torture machine?
497
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,546
MAN:
I think someone forgot
to pay the bill, Weggie.
498
00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:57,782
WEGGIE:
Will someone pay
the fucking bill?!
499
00:16:57,782 --> 00:17:01,787
♪ The dark brown shades
Of my skin ♪
500
00:17:05,256 --> 00:17:07,659
♪ All that color
To my tears ♪
501
00:17:05,256 --> 00:17:07,659
[GROANS]
502
00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:12,797
♪ Oh, oh ♪
503
00:17:12,797 --> 00:17:15,634
♪ That splash against
My hollow bones ♪
504
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:16,869
[GRUMBLES]
505
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,272
♪ That rocks my soul ♪
506
00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,006
[GRUNTS]
507
00:17:22,006 --> 00:17:24,009
What hath God wrought?
508
00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:29,214
♪ Looking back over
My false dreams ♪
509
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,448
[CRYING]
510
00:17:30,448 --> 00:17:33,518
[MEN GUFFAWING]
511
00:17:30,448 --> 00:17:33,518
MAN: Yeah, yeah. Beat his ass.
512
00:17:33,518 --> 00:17:36,621
Will you niggas please
shut the hell up.
513
00:17:36,621 --> 00:17:39,091
I'm trying to watch
this piece-of-shit movie.
514
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:41,293
[SIGHS]
515
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,261
[GROANS]
516
00:17:43,261 --> 00:17:44,930
[SCREAMS, CRIES]
517
00:17:48,099 --> 00:17:50,669
♪ Somebody tell me
What can I do? ♪
518
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:51,670
[GRUNTS]
519
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,240
Ruckus, no!
520
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,444
What the hell
are you guys doing?
521
00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:01,013
You were gonna let him
kill hisself?
522
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,781
You said just
keep filming, so--
523
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:04,049
He's the star!
524
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:06,251
You're gonna let the star
commit suicide?
525
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,819
But it's...reality.
I mean--
526
00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:09,721
It's The Uncle
Ruckus Show.
527
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:12,323
If there's no Uncle Ruckus,
there's no show.
528
00:18:12,323 --> 00:18:14,793
Oh, so from now on,
we're supposed to stop him
529
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,261
if he attempts
to commit suicide?
530
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,162
Yes. And I shouldn't
have to tell you that.
531
00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:19,731
[CHOKING]
532
00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:19,731
You should just know it.
533
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:21,366
Oh, shit.
534
00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:22,567
[GAGGING]
535
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:25,303
Great. That's great.
That's just great.
536
00:18:25,303 --> 00:18:27,038
[COUGHING]
537
00:18:27,038 --> 00:18:29,874
Ah, what's the point?
What's the point in living?
538
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:32,077
There's nothing to
look forward to.
539
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,913
Just a life of rap music
and 40 ounces.
540
00:18:34,913 --> 00:18:36,515
What I'm supposed to
do now, huh?
541
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,416
Be somebody
baby daddy?
542
00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:40,719
Hang out on the corner
all day and night
543
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:43,689
shooting dice, cops chasing me
all the time.
544
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,258
My body ain't made
to handle a stun gun.
545
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:49,995
Ain't got but two or three shows
on TV to identify with.
546
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:52,297
Ruckus, you make
a very compelling argument.
547
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,399
But I know that you're
gonna get through this.
548
00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:55,967
Ha. Is this what
I'm supposed
549
00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:57,469
to be reading now,
huh, this?
550
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,738
Vibe? The Source? Jet?
551
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,305
You call this
a magazine?
552
00:19:01,305 --> 00:19:03,408
Look at this.
This is a pamphlet.
553
00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:05,677
"Field & Scream."
National Review.
554
00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:07,078
Soldier of Fortune.
555
00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:08,813
Those are magazines.
556
00:19:08,813 --> 00:19:10,882
This is a brochure.
557
00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:13,485
Ebony. They should call
this National Geographic,
558
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,119
except the photos are better.
559
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,290
Essence. Essence of what?
Essence of ugliness.
560
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,592
Ruckus, we have a saying at BET:
561
00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:22,827
"We hate black people."
562
00:19:22,827 --> 00:19:25,297
And I know you share
that same sentiment.
563
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:27,766
But I've learned how I can
use my blackness
564
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:29,501
against the black race.
565
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,236
Look at BET.
566
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:32,837
You think we put
this shit on the air
567
00:19:32,837 --> 00:19:34,272
because it's entertaining?
568
00:19:34,272 --> 00:19:35,807
You think we
sit down and say:
569
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:37,942
"Hey, let's be
entertaining.
570
00:19:37,942 --> 00:19:39,944
How about a Baldwin Hills
reality show?"
571
00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:42,780
I have good taste.
Gregory Hines is entertaining.
572
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:45,450
Sammy Davis Jr.,
he's entertaining.
573
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,018
You think I can
relate to anything
574
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:48,786
these young niggas
have to say?
575
00:19:48,786 --> 00:19:52,924
No. We air this shit because
we despise our audience.
576
00:19:52,924 --> 00:19:54,725
Are there other ways
to make money?
577
00:19:54,725 --> 00:19:56,161
Yes, of course.
Yes, yes, yes.
578
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,696
But they all require more work.
579
00:19:58,696 --> 00:19:59,765
This is easy.
580
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,132
And the only people who suffer--
581
00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:03,468
The only people
who suffer, Ruckus...
582
00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:04,803
are black children.
583
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:07,472
I think we both
can live with that.
584
00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:11,543
Weggie Rudlin, you sure
do have profound insights.
585
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,011
But I don't know. I--
586
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:16,648
I just don't think
I can stand life as a darky.
587
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:17,648
[DOOR OPENS]
588
00:20:17,648 --> 00:20:18,916
[CLEARS THROAT]
589
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:21,820
Aha! It's you!
You did this to me.
590
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,755
You gave me that test.
591
00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:26,358
Yes, I know.
And I came because
592
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:27,959
there was a mistake
at the lab.
593
00:20:27,959 --> 00:20:30,128
We had a black intern there
I didn't know about.
594
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:32,296
He...messed up
your test.
595
00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:33,699
Here are
your actual results.
596
00:20:34,899 --> 00:20:36,301
Well, I'll be.
597
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,036
[MURMURING]
598
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:39,704
[GASPS]
599
00:20:39,704 --> 00:20:42,240
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
600
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,909
How dare you mistakenly inform
a man of his blackness.
601
00:20:44,909 --> 00:20:47,712
You should be ashamed
to call yourself a white doctor.
602
00:20:47,712 --> 00:20:49,982
I'm...uh, sorry.
603
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,884
See, Ruckus. You were
worried about nothing.
604
00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:54,386
Well, Weggie,
I must say,
605
00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:55,853
for a darky,
you are not
606
00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:57,722
that difficult
to hang around.
607
00:20:57,722 --> 00:20:59,957
Now, you said you learned
all that stuff in Harvard?
608
00:20:59,957 --> 00:21:02,060
Well, I definitely didn't
learn it at one of those
609
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:03,561
historically
black colleges.
610
00:21:03,561 --> 00:21:04,730
[LAUGHS]
611
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:05,930
[BOTH CACKLING]
612
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:08,767
Howard.
613
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:08,767
Black college.
614
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,069
Morehouse. They ought
to call it Lesshouse.
615
00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:14,472
Oh, it sure feel good
to be white again.
616
00:21:14,472 --> 00:21:17,275
[♪♪♪]
617
00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:18,576
I'll tell you what.
618
00:21:18,576 --> 00:21:20,878
Living even for a few days
as a black man
619
00:21:20,878 --> 00:21:24,716
gave old Uncle Ruckus a whole
new perspective on life.
620
00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:27,452
And a whole lot more sympathy
towards colored folks,
621
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,420
I'll tell you that.
622
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:31,522
Oh, look what
we have here.
623
00:21:31,522 --> 00:21:34,025
Yo, for real. We not trying
to play with you today, Ruckus.
624
00:21:34,025 --> 00:21:35,559
We're trying to
cross the street.
625
00:21:35,559 --> 00:21:37,262
Well, go right ahead.
626
00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:39,531
You young brothers
have a blessed day.
627
00:21:39,531 --> 00:21:40,999
Assalamu alaikam.
628
00:21:45,336 --> 00:21:47,772
[WHISTLES]
629
00:21:47,772 --> 00:21:49,775
[TRUCK HORN HONKS]
630
00:21:47,772 --> 00:21:49,775
Whoa--! Whoa--! Whoa!
631
00:21:50,675 --> 00:21:53,045
[RUCKUS CACKLING]
632
00:21:57,882 --> 00:22:00,786
[♪♪♪]