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[♪♪♪]
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Everyone, it's Thursday.
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So it's time for
our Monday staff meeting.
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My name is Weggie Rudlin.
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I'm the new super-duper smart,
Harvard-educated president
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of entertainment at BET.
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MAN: Yep.
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Do you know why
I was given this job?
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You're super-duper smart.
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Yes. But why?
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Because you went
to Harvard.
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Yes. But why would they want
a super-duper smart guy
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who went to Harvard
to run BET?
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MAN:
I know.
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[TYPING]
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[COMPUTER BEEPS]
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Because it's time to take BET
in a new direction.
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Remember the first day
I showed up, I asked,
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"What's your highest-rated
program?"
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And you guys said:
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106 & Park with AJ and Free.
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Yes.
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MAN: Yep.
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And I said,
"Great. Fire them." Why?
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Because what you call success,
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Weggie Rudlin calls failure.
And vice versa.
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See, when people ask me,
have I made BET a success,
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I say no.
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[SNORING]
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It's time to redefine success.
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Because once you
embrace failure,
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you can't go anywhere
else but up.
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That's a business theory
taught at Harvard
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called "negative elevation."
Now, I may be going a too fast,
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but I'm happy to
slow it down.
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Are there any questions?
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Is it true
that you put a ban
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on two- and three-syllable
words, man?
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Good question. Yes.
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Our research says
we need to be focusing
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on the monosyllabic
demographic.
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I believe lots of syllables
confuses our viewers.
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Especially those in the South.
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I've got a question.
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Of course.
You didn't go to Harvard.
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Do you have any experience
running a network?
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Okay, see now.
You're a hater.
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You're fired,
so get on out of here.
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But I haven't been paid
in three months.
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This is basically
volunteer work for me.
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Oh. Well. Quiet down,
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so the rest of us who are
getting paid
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can work, thank you.
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MAN:
You're the Harvard man.
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Okay. I would like everyone
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to please
look under their chairs.
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You will find a copy
of the Black Panther comic book
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that I wrote.
Please read it carefully.
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This is the super-cool stuff
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we'll be doing at BET
from now on.
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Chicken. Are you kidding me?
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That's your complimentary lunch.
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And the orange is
your new health care plan.
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Antioxidants.
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Very important. Wait.
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Nope, nope, nope.
You don't get any.
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You are fired.
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Okay, let's talk about
some new shows.
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As you know, we're starting
BET Animation.
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Here's what I wanna see.
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I'm thinking rappers.
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Young M.C. roller skating.
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Edginess. He's going too fast.
His brakes don't work.
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We'll get Tone Loc
to do the voice. Okay, hm...
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How about an animated version
of Hamburglar?
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He's a hungry thug.
It's gritty, like The Wire.
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He does a drive-by
on Burger King.
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McDonald's can co-finance.
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We'll call it, Beef.
Wait a minute.
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I'm seeing a Flintstones thing
happening here.
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Dino could be a rottweiler,
maybe a pit bull.
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Instead of Bedrock,
we're in Africa.
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We're keeping it real.
You got that?
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Got it, Weggie.
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All right. Next stop: reality.
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The Ruckus Reality Show.
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I'm digging it,
I'm feeling it.
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It's what's good.
Let's do that show.
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Wait a minute.
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Is this the show about the black
man who hates black people?
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I hear that tone.
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The head of Viacom personally
asked me to make this show.
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He was being sarcastic.
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No! Excuse me!
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Which one of us
went to Harvard, huh?
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Did you go to Harvard?
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You think you understand
white humor more than me?
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You know, what? Shush.
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You don't even
work here anymore.
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Now, the rest of you,
get a crew.
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Get out someone crossing--
Wherever that guy's from.
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And let's make
The Uncle Ruckus Show happen.
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[♪♪♪]
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♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
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♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
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♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
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♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
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♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
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♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
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♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
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♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
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♪ To call your brother sun ♪
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♪ The story that just begun ♪
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♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
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♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
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♪ Till the war is won
Won ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
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[♪♪♪]
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[BUZZES]
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RUCKUS:
I wake up at a quarter to 5
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in the a.m. every morning.
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That's about 12 hours
before most niggas wake up.
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[SNICKERS]
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I am a very spiritual person.
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I start each day by thanking
the white man for the sunrise.
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For the land I walk on.
For the air I breathe.
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I also apologize for niggas.
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But Lord knows they ain't gonna
apologize for themselves.
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I am not black. Nor do I
consider myself to be black.
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Many people mistake me
for being Negro
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because they don't know
that I am currently living
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with the heartbreak
of revitiligo.
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That's a skin condition
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that's the opposite
of what Michael Jackson's got.
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Every morning, I apply
the topical ointment
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made of bleach and sulfur.
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I like to think it works.
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Luckily, I hadn't gotten much
darker in the last few years.
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As you can see here, I enjoy
building small shrines
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to certain special white people
who are important in my life.
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This one here is dedicated
to John Wayne.
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Great white man.
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Didn't take no shit from
niggas, Injuns, nor Mexicans.
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And this one here is for
George Bush the first.
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Loved him.
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Now, this one here
is dedicated
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to the most soulful
soul singer to ever live.
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[♪♪♪]
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Yeah, I work about 32 jobs
over the course of a week.
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I think it's interesting
I got 32 jobs
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when most niggas say
they can't find one.
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[LAUGHS]
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Uh, niggas.
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And one of the great
pleasures of my day
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is taking all these pretty
little white children to school
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in the morning.
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Hey, there--
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Move out of my way, fat boy.
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I keep the bus nice
and clean for 'em.
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These kids-- Oh, excuse me,
excuse me--
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Oh, hello there,
Miss Matheson--
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Whatever.
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How is my little sunshine?
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold it right there.
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Hey, man, stop.
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Where's the gun, huh?
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Where's the gun?
Go on, get.
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Get. Get out of here.
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Go do your little
hyphy-phyphy dances
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and nigga monkey shuffle
somewhere else.
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This here bus is for
kids with a future.
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That's right. That's right.
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Get your lazy asses
some exercise.
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Y'all should just
go be rappers.
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Get into a beef and then
shoot each other.
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[CACKLES]
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Desegregation ruined
the American school system.
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When did test scores
across the country drop?
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After desegregation.
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When did drug use and violence
in schools go up?
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After desegregation.
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There were never no white kids
shooting up nothing
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before they started going
to school with niggas.
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These little angels wouldn't
even know what a gun was.
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[ALL YELLING]
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The white man is
a peace-loving man.
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People say the key to fixing
the problems of Negroes
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is education.
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But I say education
is not the answer.
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Why bother?
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And what do niggas do
in college anyway?
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Oh, they go there. They party.
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Get drunk for four, five years,
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and end up just as ignorant
as when they came in.
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You ever seen these nigga
fraternities and sororities?
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You ever seen these things?
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Silliest shit I ever seen
in my life.
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You think Aristotle turned
to Achilles and said:
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"Hey, let's create a fraternity
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and jump up and down,
barking like dogs"?
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Hell no.
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White man out there
getting Nobel Prizes
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00:07:02,014 --> 00:07:04,549
and doing business deals
in the fraternities.
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Niggas jumping up and down
with candy canes,
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and doing all kinds of silly
shit with their hands.
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People say there's no
difference between the races.
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Well, I'll tell you what,
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I've been cleaning
bathrooms for a long time.
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And I can say...white-man shit
213
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just don't smell the same
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as black African shit.
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See, the white man just got
a better liver.
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White man eats his meat raw.
217
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See, that's healthier.
He calls it tartare.
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Well, how you doing
this fine day?
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[SCREAMS]
220
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May I say your dookie smells
like sparkling ice water.
221
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Jesus!
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With a twist of lime.
223
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See. That's why he don't have
to wash his hands neither.
224
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Yes, sir. White man
has impeccable hygiene.
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Hey, there,
little mulatto girl.
226
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You waiting on
your daddy?
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Yes.
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[LAUGHS]
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Guess she talking about
her daddy, Tom.
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He married to a white woman.
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Lucky son of a bitch.
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There he is.
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[TIRES SQUEAL]
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[BREATHLESSLY]
Sorry I'm late, pumpkin.
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[SNICKERS]
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00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:05,510
Lord have mercy. Tom,
is you wearing a skirt?
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This isn't a skirt, Ruckus.
It's a kilt.
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[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]
It's part of my Scottish
heritage.
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00:08:10,683 --> 00:08:11,984
Now, you stop that
right now.
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That's blasphemy
against Mel Gibson
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00:08:13,819 --> 00:08:15,253
and the proud
Scottish people.
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00:08:15,253 --> 00:08:16,721
Mel Gibson isn't Scottish.
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Hush your mouth.
244
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The Scottish man
deserves better
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than you making a mockery
of his history.
246
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But, Ruckus, I am
part Scottish.
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Thirty two point five
percent, actually.
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I just found out. I took
one of those tests
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00:08:27,566 --> 00:08:28,867
where they trace
your DNA
250
00:08:28,867 --> 00:08:31,436
and tell you your exact
ethnic makeup.
251
00:08:31,436 --> 00:08:33,105
It's fun. You should try it.
252
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You 30 percent Scottish?
Black as you is?
253
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,642
[LAUGHING]
I know.
254
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,043
Is this a white
doctor or a darky
255
00:08:38,043 --> 00:08:39,077
that gave you this test?
256
00:08:39,077 --> 00:08:40,279
Mm, not that
it matters,
257
00:08:40,279 --> 00:08:41,913
but, yes,
he was white.
258
00:08:41,913 --> 00:08:43,815
Well, hell,
that's all you had to say.
259
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,551
A white doctor is
99.9 percent reliable.
260
00:08:46,551 --> 00:08:48,219
Black doctor is an oxymoron.
261
00:08:48,219 --> 00:08:49,654
Unless it's a witch doctor.
262
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,322
[SNICKERS]
263
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,924
Well, well, well. Who knows?
264
00:08:52,924 --> 00:08:54,993
Maybe I'll take me
one of them tests.
265
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,528
I mean, why should Alex Haley
266
00:08:56,528 --> 00:08:59,097
be the only person to discover
their roots, you know?
267
00:08:59,097 --> 00:09:00,765
[CHUCKLES]
268
00:08:59,097 --> 00:09:00,765
Huh?
269
00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:01,933
I'm-- I'm sorry. Alex what?
270
00:09:01,933 --> 00:09:04,602
You know. Alex Haley. Roots.
271
00:09:04,602 --> 00:09:06,438
What is that,
some kind of gardening show?
272
00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:08,039
You're joking, right?
273
00:09:08,039 --> 00:09:11,009
Roots. You know, Roots.
274
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,610
Uh-- I-- I don't follow you.
275
00:09:12,610 --> 00:09:14,046
Roots. Roots. Roots.
276
00:09:14,046 --> 00:09:15,347
You've never heard
of Roots?
277
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,882
The miniseries?
Come here, honey.
278
00:09:17,882 --> 00:09:19,351
Hold-- Hold on, here.
279
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,152
[CHANTS]
280
00:09:21,152 --> 00:09:22,421
Roots.
281
00:09:21,152 --> 00:09:22,421
I don't know nothing
282
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:24,956
about what you talking about.
283
00:09:24,956 --> 00:09:26,925
Now, the first thing
you should know about me
284
00:09:26,925 --> 00:09:29,061
is that I have
a case of the revitiligo.
285
00:09:29,061 --> 00:09:31,029
It's the opposite of
what Michael Jackson got.
286
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,031
No, see, I'm not
that kind of doctor.
287
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,834
I'm more of a scientist
or a technician.
288
00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:37,102
We can trace
genetic markers
289
00:09:37,102 --> 00:09:38,570
to different regions
of the world
290
00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:40,505
and know exactly
what your makeup is.
291
00:09:40,505 --> 00:09:42,908
Well, don't let this here
outer shell fool you.
292
00:09:42,908 --> 00:09:44,443
I'm as white
as they come.
293
00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:46,612
My favorite movies are
Gone with the Wind
294
00:09:46,612 --> 00:09:48,613
and Notting Hill.
295
00:09:48,613 --> 00:09:50,682
[♪♪♪]
296
00:09:50,682 --> 00:09:51,917
WEGGIE:
Mistress Lee'vil,
297
00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,218
remember when you
asked us
298
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,153
for a way to destroy
the minds of black children
299
00:09:55,153 --> 00:09:56,521
at an even younger age?
300
00:09:55,153 --> 00:09:56,521
Oh, sure.
301
00:09:56,521 --> 00:09:59,725
Well, you'll be happy to know
that I started BET Animation
302
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,159
to do just that.
303
00:10:01,159 --> 00:10:02,894
Splendid. Oh, I love cartoons.
304
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,496
Especially evil ones.
305
00:10:04,496 --> 00:10:07,131
Yeah. Mistress Lee'vil.
We have a kids show coming on
306
00:10:07,131 --> 00:10:10,402
called Super Cyborg
Mandingo Man. Yeah.
307
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:13,505
We go there.
He's an African warrior.
308
00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:14,973
Yes, yes. Get to
the evil part.
309
00:10:14,973 --> 00:10:16,508
Well, maybe I should just
show you.
310
00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:18,877
We have the pilot.
311
00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:18,877
What's that, the script?
312
00:10:18,877 --> 00:10:21,413
Actually, we spent all our money
on the Vin Diesel show.
313
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,081
Oh, my God,
he's so awesome.
314
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:26,051
So we got to do this one
with a flip book.
315
00:10:26,051 --> 00:10:27,986
Hm. Well, it certainly
is incompetent.
316
00:10:27,986 --> 00:10:30,822
But we're missing something.
What are we missing, people?
317
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:32,925
A budget?
318
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:32,925
Uh, yes, but no.
319
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,259
Talent?
320
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,259
Yes, but no.
321
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,393
A work ethic?
322
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,393
Pride?
323
00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:36,394
Self-respect?
324
00:10:36,394 --> 00:10:37,662
What network do you
work for?
325
00:10:37,662 --> 00:10:38,764
BET.
326
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,031
And what does that
stand for?
327
00:10:40,031 --> 00:10:41,166
Black Entertainment--
328
00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,434
No!
329
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,638
Black Evil Television.
330
00:10:46,638 --> 00:10:49,107
It's not enough
that the shows are bad.
331
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:52,076
They have to be evil as well.
332
00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:54,146
Send in my evil henchmen!
333
00:10:55,013 --> 00:10:56,581
These are my evil henchmen:
334
00:10:56,581 --> 00:10:59,351
Big Nigga and Crazy Bitch.
335
00:10:59,351 --> 00:11:00,686
Big Nigga, Crazy Bitch,
336
00:11:00,686 --> 00:11:03,255
teach this person the meaning
of black and evil.
337
00:11:03,255 --> 00:11:04,589
[BOTH GASP]
338
00:11:04,589 --> 00:11:06,124
Oh no, this mizzle didn't.
339
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,427
No. Mistress
Lee'vil, please.
340
00:11:08,427 --> 00:11:10,162
We'll make it more
evil, I promise.
341
00:11:10,162 --> 00:11:12,230
Oh. Hell, no, this
motherfucker gonna--
342
00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:13,732
[SCREAMS]
343
00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:16,234
Weggie, please! Save me!
344
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,069
[SCREAMING]
345
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,069
[HUMS]
346
00:11:18,069 --> 00:11:19,438
[HOWLS]
347
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,278
[SNICKERS]
348
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,278
[SCREAMING]
349
00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,647
Ah-- Ah--
350
00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,647
LEE'VIL: Mr. Weggie Rudlin.
351
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,416
Ah-- Huh?
352
00:11:31,416 --> 00:11:34,152
This Uncle Ruckus show,
how's it going?
353
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,422
Uh...great. F-fantastic.
354
00:11:37,422 --> 00:11:39,925
Is it evil?
355
00:11:39,925 --> 00:11:41,292
Oh, absolutely.
356
00:11:41,292 --> 00:11:43,728
I hope so, Weggie...
357
00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:45,430
for your sake.
358
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,365
[♪♪♪]
359
00:11:52,437 --> 00:11:53,805
Because if it's
not evil, then,
360
00:11:53,805 --> 00:11:55,073
you know what's gonna happen.
361
00:11:57,209 --> 00:11:59,311
And by "happen," I mean
you'll be killed,
362
00:11:59,311 --> 00:12:00,912
or at least
very seriously injured.
363
00:12:00,912 --> 00:12:03,982
So-- So, you know,
just make sure it's evil.
364
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,752
Ah. Here it is.
365
00:12:06,752 --> 00:12:09,053
My test results. Can you hear
my heart beating?
366
00:12:09,053 --> 00:12:12,257
Oh, the white-man science
is amazing, ain't it?
367
00:12:12,257 --> 00:12:13,192
[♪♪♪]
368
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,629
Oh, no. N--
369
00:12:17,629 --> 00:12:20,198
Th-- This--
This can't be.
370
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:23,568
It says, I'm 102 percent
African.
371
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:26,037
With a 2 percent
margin of error.
372
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:28,139
Why, Lord?
373
00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:30,542
Why, Lord, why?
374
00:12:33,811 --> 00:12:35,380
[CACKLES]
375
00:12:33,811 --> 00:12:35,380
RUCKUS:
I got something
376
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,782
for a fraternity
of niggas:
377
00:12:36,782 --> 00:12:38,683
a fraternity of bananas
up a tree.
378
00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:41,185
[BARKS, CACKLING]
379
00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:41,185
WEGGIE: Bananas.
380
00:12:41,185 --> 00:12:43,288
Black fraternities should have
an African name.
381
00:12:43,288 --> 00:12:45,056
Like Boogie, Boogie.
382
00:12:43,288 --> 00:12:45,056
WEGGIE: Black fraternity.
383
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,457
Boogie, Boogie, Boogie.
384
00:12:46,457 --> 00:12:48,059
Hey, I got a black
fraternity for you:
385
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:50,829
It's called prison.
Jail-Phi-Jail, nigga.
386
00:12:50,829 --> 00:12:52,664
You know--
387
00:12:50,829 --> 00:12:52,664
Jail-Phi-Jail.
388
00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:53,832
[DOOR OPENS]
389
00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:53,832
Mr. Rudlin,
390
00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:56,401
there's a problem
on the Ruckus shoot.
391
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,602
MAN:
What's the problem?
392
00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,137
He hasn't gotten out of bed
in three days.
393
00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:01,073
He got some bad test results
or something.
394
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:04,609
[WEGGIE SQUAWKING OVER PHONE]
395
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:04,609
Yes. Yes.
396
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:07,245
Yes, I know you went
to Harvard. Yeah.
397
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,848
Okay. He said
just keep filming.
398
00:13:09,848 --> 00:13:11,283
[SIGHS]
399
00:13:11,283 --> 00:13:13,151
Well, I'm black now.
400
00:13:13,151 --> 00:13:15,854
So the first thing I did
was quit all my jobs.
401
00:13:15,854 --> 00:13:17,288
[SIGHS]
402
00:13:17,288 --> 00:13:19,357
I don't know how
I'm supposed to pay the bills.
403
00:13:19,357 --> 00:13:21,492
Probably have to start
selling crack.
404
00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:24,563
Or rapping. Or rapping
about selling crack.
405
00:13:26,898 --> 00:13:30,469
You know, I might not even
have revitiligo.
406
00:13:33,972 --> 00:13:35,340
[SIGHS]
407
00:13:35,340 --> 00:13:37,109
Okay, I'm black.
408
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,777
What am I supposed to do now?
409
00:13:41,512 --> 00:13:43,982
So this is it, huh?
Is this what you do all day?
410
00:13:43,982 --> 00:13:45,316
Sit there
reading books
411
00:13:45,316 --> 00:13:47,219
that make you think better
of yourself, huh?
412
00:13:47,219 --> 00:13:48,620
Black man can't get
nowhere
413
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,555
with his little
pecan-sized mind.
414
00:13:50,555 --> 00:13:52,757
So now you can read.
Now what?
415
00:13:52,757 --> 00:13:54,659
What you gonna do now?
416
00:13:52,757 --> 00:13:54,659
[SIGHS]
417
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,160
[LAUGHING]
Oh, uh-huh.
418
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,362
Nothing. That's what
I thought.
419
00:13:58,362 --> 00:14:00,965
You know why?
'Cause we niggas. Both of us.
420
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,434
And that's--
421
00:14:02,434 --> 00:14:05,203
[SOBBING]
And that's all
we ever gonna be.
422
00:14:05,203 --> 00:14:08,973
That's all we ever gonna be.
423
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,242
So this is what
I have to look forward to
424
00:14:11,242 --> 00:14:12,243
as a black man, huh?
425
00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:13,578
Just sitting around,
426
00:14:13,578 --> 00:14:15,346
playing PlayStation
all day.
427
00:14:13,578 --> 00:14:15,346
[GROWLS]
428
00:14:15,346 --> 00:14:17,748
Waiting for the next
Madden to come out.
429
00:14:17,748 --> 00:14:19,417
Maybe I should go out
and put rims...
430
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:22,387
Oh.
431
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:22,387
...and all kinds of goofy
shit on my truck.
432
00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:23,921
[♪♪♪]
433
00:14:23,921 --> 00:14:26,024
RUCKUS:
Oh, we probably gonna die
any second now
434
00:14:26,024 --> 00:14:28,827
from one of these conditions
and diseases that niggas get.
435
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:31,363
You name it:
diabetes, gout,
436
00:14:31,363 --> 00:14:33,731
high blood pressure,
asthma, sickle cell--
437
00:14:33,731 --> 00:14:37,101
Oh, Ruckus, stop.
This is all in your damn head.
438
00:14:37,101 --> 00:14:39,638
You the exact same fool
you were last week.
439
00:14:39,638 --> 00:14:42,040
You were black then,
you're black now,
440
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,842
and you're gonna be
black tomorrow.
441
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,677
Ain't nothing wrong
with being black.
442
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:46,778
If you give it a chance,
443
00:14:46,778 --> 00:14:48,714
you might actually
like it. Mm-hm.
444
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,783
Ruckus, what are
we doing here?
445
00:14:51,783 --> 00:14:53,551
Well, this is what
niggas do, right?
446
00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:56,955
Buy sneakers. Then, maybe later
we'll buy loud stereos
447
00:14:56,955 --> 00:14:59,091
and berate women
in rap lyrics.
448
00:14:59,091 --> 00:15:00,459
Is this the kind of shit
449
00:15:00,459 --> 00:15:02,059
you niggas put on your feet
nowadays?
450
00:15:02,059 --> 00:15:04,329
This look like a damn
astronaut shoe.
451
00:15:04,329 --> 00:15:06,397
I'm black. I'm not walking
to the moon.
452
00:15:06,397 --> 00:15:08,600
I'm walking to
the liquor store.
453
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,535
GRANDDAD:
Ruckus, stop. Come on, man.
454
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,937
RUCKUS:
LeBron James. Allen Iverson.
455
00:15:12,937 --> 00:15:16,875
Can I get a shoe named
after a white man, please?
456
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,410
Excuse me. Ahem. Darky
in the zebra shirt.
457
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:20,946
Could I get a Bruce
Jenner sneaker?
458
00:15:20,946 --> 00:15:22,380
Man, to hell
with this bullshit.
459
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,982
You on your own.
460
00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:26,084
I'm not leaving here
till I get me a shoe
461
00:15:26,084 --> 00:15:27,486
named after a white man.
462
00:15:27,486 --> 00:15:30,689
John Stockton. "Pistol" Pete
Maravich. Anybody.
463
00:15:32,424 --> 00:15:35,160
MAN 1:
I ain't saying I like
the Democrats. I don't.
464
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,529
But they sure as hell don't
know what the fuck they doin'.
465
00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,866
The Republicans? They done
fucked the country to hell.
466
00:15:41,866 --> 00:15:43,068
MAN 2:
They sure did.
467
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,669
BARBER:
Nigga, just look at Iraq.
468
00:15:44,669 --> 00:15:46,404
President over there
killing black folk.
469
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,672
MAN 2:
Mm-hm. They black.
470
00:15:47,672 --> 00:15:49,174
Huh. I wish they'd
send me to Iraq.
471
00:15:49,174 --> 00:15:51,843
I'd tell motherfucking Bush
to kiss my black ass.
472
00:15:51,843 --> 00:15:52,911
Now, that's enough.
473
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,913
Time out, Negroes.
Time out.
474
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:57,982
I can't sit here and let y'all
badmouth my president.
475
00:15:57,982 --> 00:16:00,218
Did any of y'all niggas
hear the president
476
00:16:00,218 --> 00:16:03,755
when he said Iraq was central
to the global war on terror?
477
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:07,058
Or did y'all miss it because
he wasn't speaking in baboon?
478
00:16:07,058 --> 00:16:08,993
[GIBBERS]
479
00:16:08,993 --> 00:16:11,195
Instead of sitting around here
chopping the Brillo
480
00:16:11,195 --> 00:16:12,697
off each other's
heads,
481
00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:14,866
y'all should've take
your black asses to Iraq
482
00:16:14,866 --> 00:16:17,536
and help fight
for our freedom.
483
00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:23,008
A little more off
the sides, please.
484
00:16:23,008 --> 00:16:24,509
Whoa-- Whoa-- Whoa--
Whoa...
485
00:16:24,509 --> 00:16:26,344
[GROWLS]
486
00:16:24,509 --> 00:16:26,344
Damn gorilla terrorists.
487
00:16:26,344 --> 00:16:28,446
[♪♪♪]
488
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,383
Just what is going on?
Why have you kidnapped me?
489
00:16:31,383 --> 00:16:33,484
And now, doctor,
490
00:16:33,484 --> 00:16:36,521
we will discuss
your methods of DNA testing.
491
00:16:36,521 --> 00:16:37,922
[CHUCKLES]
492
00:16:37,922 --> 00:16:39,958
No. Please. No!
493
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,096
WEGGIE:
Shit! Why does this
always happen
494
00:16:45,096 --> 00:16:47,799
when we try to use the goddamn
torture machine?!
495
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,901
Can somebody please
get the power back on
496
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,369
so we can use
the torture machine?
497
00:16:51,369 --> 00:16:53,638
MAN:
I think someone forgot
to pay the bill, Weggie.
498
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,874
WEGGIE:
Will someone pay
the fucking bill?!
499
00:16:56,874 --> 00:17:00,879
♪ The dark brown shades
Of my skin ♪
500
00:17:04,348 --> 00:17:06,751
♪ All that color
To my tears ♪
501
00:17:04,348 --> 00:17:06,751
[GROANS]
502
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,889
♪ Oh, oh ♪
503
00:17:11,889 --> 00:17:14,726
♪ That splash against
My hollow bones ♪
504
00:17:14,726 --> 00:17:15,961
[GRUMBLES]
505
00:17:17,963 --> 00:17:19,364
♪ That rocks my soul ♪
506
00:17:19,364 --> 00:17:21,098
[GRUNTS]
507
00:17:21,098 --> 00:17:23,101
What hath God wrought?
508
00:17:26,737 --> 00:17:28,306
♪ Looking back over
My false dreams ♪
509
00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:29,540
[CRYING]
510
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:32,610
[MEN GUFFAWING]
511
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:32,610
MAN: Yeah, yeah. Beat his ass.
512
00:17:32,610 --> 00:17:35,713
Will you niggas please
shut the hell up.
513
00:17:35,713 --> 00:17:38,183
I'm trying to watch
this piece-of-shit movie.
514
00:17:39,117 --> 00:17:40,385
[SIGHS]
515
00:17:41,118 --> 00:17:42,353
[GROANS]
516
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,022
[SCREAMS, CRIES]
517
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,761
♪ Somebody tell me
What can I do? ♪
518
00:17:49,761 --> 00:17:50,762
[GRUNTS]
519
00:17:52,764 --> 00:17:54,332
Ruckus, no!
520
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,536
What the hell
are you guys doing?
521
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,105
You were gonna let him
kill hisself?
522
00:18:00,105 --> 00:18:01,873
You said just
keep filming, so--
523
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,141
He's the star!
524
00:18:03,141 --> 00:18:05,343
You're gonna let the star
commit suicide?
525
00:18:05,343 --> 00:18:06,911
But it's...reality.
I mean--
526
00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:08,813
It's The Uncle
Ruckus Show.
527
00:18:08,813 --> 00:18:11,415
If there's no Uncle Ruckus,
there's no show.
528
00:18:11,415 --> 00:18:13,885
Oh, so from now on,
we're supposed to stop him
529
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,353
if he attempts
to commit suicide?
530
00:18:15,353 --> 00:18:17,254
Yes. And I shouldn't
have to tell you that.
531
00:18:17,254 --> 00:18:18,823
[CHOKING]
532
00:18:17,254 --> 00:18:18,823
You should just know it.
533
00:18:18,823 --> 00:18:20,458
Oh, shit.
534
00:18:20,458 --> 00:18:21,659
[GAGGING]
535
00:18:21,659 --> 00:18:24,395
Great. That's great.
That's just great.
536
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:26,130
[COUGHING]
537
00:18:26,130 --> 00:18:28,966
Ah, what's the point?
What's the point in living?
538
00:18:28,966 --> 00:18:31,169
There's nothing to
look forward to.
539
00:18:31,169 --> 00:18:34,005
Just a life of rap music
and 40 ounces.
540
00:18:34,005 --> 00:18:35,607
What I'm supposed to
do now, huh?
541
00:18:35,607 --> 00:18:37,508
Be somebody
baby daddy?
542
00:18:37,508 --> 00:18:39,811
Hang out on the corner
all day and night
543
00:18:39,811 --> 00:18:42,781
shooting dice, cops chasing me
all the time.
544
00:18:42,781 --> 00:18:45,350
My body ain't made
to handle a stun gun.
545
00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:49,087
Ain't got but two or three shows
on TV to identify with.
546
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:51,389
Ruckus, you make
a very compelling argument.
547
00:18:51,389 --> 00:18:53,491
But I know that you're
gonna get through this.
548
00:18:53,491 --> 00:18:55,059
Ha. Is this what
I'm supposed
549
00:18:55,059 --> 00:18:56,561
to be reading now,
huh, this?
550
00:18:56,561 --> 00:18:58,830
Vibe? The Source? Jet?
551
00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:00,397
You call this
a magazine?
552
00:19:00,397 --> 00:19:02,500
Look at this.
This is a pamphlet.
553
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,769
"Field & Scream."
National Review.
554
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,170
Soldier of Fortune.
555
00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:07,905
Those are magazines.
556
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:09,974
This is a brochure.
557
00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:12,577
Ebony. They should call
this National Geographic,
558
00:19:12,577 --> 00:19:14,211
except the photos are better.
559
00:19:14,211 --> 00:19:17,382
Essence. Essence of what?
Essence of ugliness.
560
00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:19,684
Ruckus, we have a saying at BET:
561
00:19:19,684 --> 00:19:21,919
"We hate black people."
562
00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:24,389
And I know you share
that same sentiment.
563
00:19:24,389 --> 00:19:26,858
But I've learned how I can
use my blackness
564
00:19:26,858 --> 00:19:28,593
against the black race.
565
00:19:28,593 --> 00:19:30,328
Look at BET.
566
00:19:30,328 --> 00:19:31,929
You think we put
this shit on the air
567
00:19:31,929 --> 00:19:33,364
because it's entertaining?
568
00:19:33,364 --> 00:19:34,899
You think we
sit down and say:
569
00:19:34,899 --> 00:19:37,034
"Hey, let's be
entertaining.
570
00:19:37,034 --> 00:19:39,036
How about a Baldwin Hills
reality show?"
571
00:19:39,036 --> 00:19:41,872
I have good taste.
Gregory Hines is entertaining.
572
00:19:41,872 --> 00:19:44,542
Sammy Davis Jr.,
he's entertaining.
573
00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:46,110
You think I can
relate to anything
574
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:47,878
these young niggas
have to say?
575
00:19:47,878 --> 00:19:52,016
No. We air this shit because
we despise our audience.
576
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,817
Are there other ways
to make money?
577
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:55,253
Yes, of course.
Yes, yes, yes.
578
00:19:55,253 --> 00:19:57,788
But they all require more work.
579
00:19:57,788 --> 00:19:58,857
This is easy.
580
00:19:58,857 --> 00:20:00,224
And the only people who suffer--
581
00:20:00,224 --> 00:20:02,560
The only people
who suffer, Ruckus...
582
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,895
are black children.
583
00:20:03,895 --> 00:20:06,564
I think we both
can live with that.
584
00:20:06,564 --> 00:20:10,635
Weggie Rudlin, you sure
do have profound insights.
585
00:20:10,635 --> 00:20:12,103
But I don't know. I--
586
00:20:12,103 --> 00:20:15,740
I just don't think
I can stand life as a darky.
587
00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:16,740
[DOOR OPENS]
588
00:20:16,740 --> 00:20:18,008
[CLEARS THROAT]
589
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,912
Aha! It's you!
You did this to me.
590
00:20:20,912 --> 00:20:22,847
You gave me that test.
591
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:25,450
Yes, I know.
And I came because
592
00:20:25,450 --> 00:20:27,051
there was a mistake
at the lab.
593
00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:29,220
We had a black intern there
I didn't know about.
594
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,388
He...messed up
your test.
595
00:20:31,388 --> 00:20:32,791
Here are
your actual results.
596
00:20:33,991 --> 00:20:35,393
Well, I'll be.
597
00:20:35,994 --> 00:20:37,128
[MURMURING]
598
00:20:37,128 --> 00:20:38,796
[GASPS]
599
00:20:38,796 --> 00:20:41,332
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
600
00:20:41,332 --> 00:20:44,001
How dare you mistakenly inform
a man of his blackness.
601
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,804
You should be ashamed
to call yourself a white doctor.
602
00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:49,074
I'm...uh, sorry.
603
00:20:49,074 --> 00:20:51,976
See, Ruckus. You were
worried about nothing.
604
00:20:51,976 --> 00:20:53,478
Well, Weggie,
I must say,
605
00:20:53,478 --> 00:20:54,945
for a darky,
you are not
606
00:20:54,945 --> 00:20:56,814
that difficult
to hang around.
607
00:20:56,814 --> 00:20:59,049
Now, you said you learned
all that stuff in Harvard?
608
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,152
Well, I definitely didn't
learn it at one of those
609
00:21:01,152 --> 00:21:02,653
historically
black colleges.
610
00:21:02,653 --> 00:21:03,822
[LAUGHS]
611
00:21:03,822 --> 00:21:05,022
[BOTH CACKLING]
612
00:21:05,022 --> 00:21:07,859
Howard.
613
00:21:05,022 --> 00:21:07,859
Black college.
614
00:21:07,859 --> 00:21:10,161
Morehouse. They ought
to call it Lesshouse.
615
00:21:10,161 --> 00:21:13,564
Oh, it sure feel good
to be white again.
616
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:16,367
[♪♪♪]
617
00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:17,668
I'll tell you what.
618
00:21:17,668 --> 00:21:19,970
Living even for a few days
as a black man
619
00:21:19,970 --> 00:21:23,808
gave old Uncle Ruckus a whole
new perspective on life.
620
00:21:23,808 --> 00:21:26,544
And a whole lot more sympathy
towards colored folks,
621
00:21:26,544 --> 00:21:28,512
I'll tell you that.
622
00:21:28,512 --> 00:21:30,614
Oh, look what
we have here.
623
00:21:30,614 --> 00:21:33,117
Yo, for real. We not trying
to play with you today, Ruckus.
624
00:21:33,117 --> 00:21:34,651
We're trying to
cross the street.
625
00:21:34,651 --> 00:21:36,354
Well, go right ahead.
626
00:21:36,354 --> 00:21:38,623
You young brothers
have a blessed day.
627
00:21:38,623 --> 00:21:40,091
Assalamu alaikam.
628
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:46,864
[WHISTLES]
629
00:21:46,864 --> 00:21:48,867
[TRUCK HORN HONKS]
630
00:21:46,864 --> 00:21:48,867
Whoa--! Whoa--! Whoa!
631
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:52,137
[RUCKUS CACKLING]
632
00:21:56,974 --> 00:21:59,878
[♪♪♪]