1 00:00:00,981 --> 00:00:02,580 ? I am the stone The builder refused ? 2 00:00:02,581 --> 00:00:04,049 ? I am the visual The inspiration ? 3 00:00:04,050 --> 00:00:05,517 ? That made lady Sing the blues ? 4 00:00:05,518 --> 00:00:07,319 ? I'm the spark That makes your idea bright ? 5 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,987 ? The same spark That lights the dark ? 6 00:00:08,988 --> 00:00:10,556 ? So that you can know Left from right ? 7 00:00:10,557 --> 00:00:12,625 ? I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun ? 8 00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,159 ? The inner glow That lets you know ? 9 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,293 ? To call your brother sun ? 10 00:00:15,294 --> 00:00:16,594 ? The story that just begun ? 11 00:00:16,595 --> 00:00:17,930 ? The promise Of what's to come ? 12 00:00:17,931 --> 00:00:19,332 ? And I'm 'a remain a soldier ? 13 00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:21,366 ? Till the war is won ? 14 00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:23,969 ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? 15 00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:26,638 ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? 16 00:00:26,639 --> 00:00:29,108 ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? 17 00:00:29,109 --> 00:00:30,476 ? Chop, chop, chop ? 18 00:00:31,844 --> 00:00:34,914 [GANGSTALICIOUS' "THUGGIN' LUV" PLAYING ON STEREO] 19 00:00:37,868 --> 00:00:39,769 RUMMY: Man, I don't get that. 20 00:00:39,770 --> 00:00:40,804 ED: Get what? 21 00:00:40,805 --> 00:00:42,438 That textin' shit. 22 00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,473 And what's wrong with textin'? 23 00:00:44,474 --> 00:00:45,942 You mean, aside from the fact 24 00:00:45,943 --> 00:00:48,444 that it's the stupidest fuckin' thing in the world? 25 00:00:48,445 --> 00:00:50,346 I mean, why would anyone in their right minds 26 00:00:50,347 --> 00:00:52,381 spend 15 minutes tryi'’ to type some shit 27 00:00:52,382 --> 00:00:54,918 they could have called and said in five seconds? 28 00:00:54,919 --> 00:00:57,754 Plus, it involves typi'’ with your thumbs, 29 00:00:57,755 --> 00:00:59,322 which I just don't approve of. 30 00:00:59,323 --> 00:01:02,158 Shit. I don't know about you, 31 00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:03,426 but I don't have time to read 32 00:01:03,427 --> 00:01:05,862 nothin' that a motherfucker typed with his thumbs. 33 00:01:05,863 --> 00:01:08,397 Fun fact: nothin' typed by someone's thumbs 34 00:01:08,398 --> 00:01:10,066 has ever been important. 35 00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:12,536 It's all just nigga technology, anyway. 36 00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:13,703 What you call it? 37 00:01:13,704 --> 00:01:16,939 "Nigga technology. " Technology for niggas. 38 00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:19,475 Only don't start trippin' and shit, callin' me a racist. 39 00:01:19,476 --> 00:01:21,777 'Cause I don't mean nigga in a disrespectful way. 40 00:01:21,778 --> 00:01:24,814 I-I mean it as a general term for ignorant motherfucker. 41 00:01:24,815 --> 00:01:28,185 Anybody of any race could be an ignorant motherfucker. 42 00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:30,619 Shit, I be textin' my ass off. 43 00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:32,088 Shit. Bitches like textin'. 44 00:01:32,089 --> 00:01:34,590 I be textin' them all the time. Matter of fact, 45 00:01:34,591 --> 00:01:36,893 I also be textin' my weed man too, 46 00:01:36,894 --> 00:01:38,962 'cause, you know, he don't like to be on the phone. 47 00:01:38,963 --> 00:01:40,297 So I text him. 48 00:01:41,031 --> 00:01:42,732 Case in point. 49 00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:44,734 So basically, 50 00:01:44,735 --> 00:01:46,168 nigga technology is anything 51 00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:47,770 that doesn't plug into a printer. 52 00:01:47,771 --> 00:01:49,138 Does that plug into a printer? 53 00:01:49,139 --> 00:01:50,073 No. 54 00:01:50,074 --> 00:01:51,674 Know why? 55 00:01:51,675 --> 00:01:55,011 'Cause niggas never have anything to print. 56 00:01:55,012 --> 00:01:57,014 [?] 57 00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,885 Excuse me, sirs, 58 00:02:01,886 --> 00:02:04,287 would you like to buy some candy 59 00:02:04,288 --> 00:02:07,824 to keep urban youth off of drugs and gangs? 60 00:02:07,825 --> 00:02:09,059 Uh, how much? 61 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:10,192 Three. 62 00:02:10,193 --> 00:02:13,530 You hear that? I said, three. 63 00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:18,267 All right, all right, all right, we got it. Now, beat it. 64 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,370 A'ight. Three guards ain't too bad. 65 00:02:21,371 --> 00:02:23,840 Don't forget your earplugs this time, Ed. 66 00:02:23,841 --> 00:02:24,841 Let's go. 67 00:02:24,842 --> 00:02:27,243 Hold up, my nigga. Hold up. 68 00:02:27,244 --> 00:02:29,246 Go time, nigga! Let's go! 69 00:02:29,247 --> 00:02:31,647 I sent that bitch a smiley face. 70 00:02:31,648 --> 00:02:33,749 Bitches love smiley faces. 71 00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:35,919 Okay, let's roll. 72 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,753 [MADVILLAIN'S "STRANGE WAYS" PLAYING] 73 00:02:37,754 --> 00:02:39,256 Nobody move a goddamn muscle! 74 00:02:39,257 --> 00:02:41,758 Best start actin' like you're a mannequin or something. 75 00:02:41,759 --> 00:02:43,359 Like you wanna stand in the window... 76 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,561 Agh! 77 00:02:45,729 --> 00:02:47,730 Everybody get on the ground, now! Now! 78 00:02:47,731 --> 00:02:48,998 [PEOPLE WHIMPERING] 79 00:02:48,999 --> 00:02:51,868 Nobody make a goddamn sound. 80 00:02:51,869 --> 00:02:53,269 [DOG BARKING] 81 00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:54,338 [DOG WHIMPERS] 82 00:02:55,606 --> 00:02:57,774 Hurry up, now! I ain't got all day! Move it! 83 00:02:57,775 --> 00:03:00,243 ? Who's the real thugs Killers and gangsters? ? 84 00:03:00,244 --> 00:03:02,345 I said, let's go! 85 00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:07,049 [MAN COUGHS] 86 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:08,384 [WOMAN WHISPERING] 87 00:03:08,385 --> 00:03:11,554 Do you want us to take you to the safe? 88 00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:13,723 Hm? Oh, right. Right. 89 00:03:13,724 --> 00:03:16,659 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the safe. Yeah. 90 00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:18,594 Move it! Move it! ? It's like makin' a soldier ? 91 00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:20,229 ? Drop his weapon Shootin' him ? 92 00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:21,931 ? And tellin' him To get to steppin' ? 93 00:03:21,932 --> 00:03:25,134 ? Obviously, they came To portion up his fortune ? 94 00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:28,805 ? Sounds to me like That old robbery-extortion ? 95 00:03:28,806 --> 00:03:30,406 Hurry up! 96 00:03:30,407 --> 00:03:31,474 Come on! 97 00:03:31,475 --> 00:03:33,143 ? You can't reform 'em ? 98 00:03:33,144 --> 00:03:34,811 [ENGINE STARTS] 99 00:03:34,812 --> 00:03:36,880 Twenty-two minutes. 100 00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:39,048 We suck. We fuckin' suck, man. 101 00:03:39,049 --> 00:03:41,350 And I forgot to ask for the money again. 102 00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,486 I always forget to ask for the money. 103 00:03:43,487 --> 00:03:46,656 I don't think 22 minutes is so bad. 104 00:03:46,657 --> 00:03:48,057 Not so bad? 105 00:03:48,058 --> 00:03:50,159 That's a whole episode of Seinfeld. 106 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,095 It takes us a whole episode of Sein-fuckin'- feld 107 00:03:53,096 --> 00:03:54,164 to rob a bank! 108 00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:56,232 Stop being a perfectionist. 109 00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:57,466 Ed, we both know 110 00:03:57,467 --> 00:03:59,435 if your grandfather didn't own this bank, 111 00:03:59,436 --> 00:04:01,838 we'd never have gotten away with this shit. 112 00:04:01,839 --> 00:04:04,307 Shut up, Riley! Rummy, you the man. 113 00:04:04,308 --> 00:04:06,776 Excuse me. But will you be needing anything else 114 00:04:06,777 --> 00:04:08,845 from me today, Mr. Wuncler, sir? 115 00:04:08,846 --> 00:04:11,181 Nah, you can go on and take the bags back in. 116 00:04:11,182 --> 00:04:13,049 Thank you, sir. And for what it's worth, 117 00:04:13,050 --> 00:04:15,451 I thought you all did very well. 118 00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:18,388 See? An unbiased opinion. 119 00:04:18,389 --> 00:04:21,491 So you honestly think that was a well-executed robbery? 120 00:04:21,492 --> 00:04:23,493 [CHUCKLES] I sure do. 121 00:04:23,494 --> 00:04:26,062 And you wouldn't just be saying that 'cause I got a loaded gun 122 00:04:26,063 --> 00:04:27,263 pointin' at you, would ya? 123 00:04:27,264 --> 00:04:29,899 'Cause we need honest feedback, for real. 124 00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:32,102 No, sir. I would not. 125 00:04:35,406 --> 00:04:37,173 [?] 126 00:04:38,909 --> 00:04:41,679 That's bullshit. We fuckin' suck, man. 127 00:04:43,681 --> 00:04:45,515 HUEY [NARRATING]: The life of a black hero 128 00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:48,017 has never been for the meek of heart. 129 00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:51,320 You will not get out of here alive! 130 00:04:51,321 --> 00:04:52,589 Do you hear me? 131 00:04:55,793 --> 00:04:56,993 [?] 132 00:04:56,994 --> 00:04:59,162 I'm goin' to Ed's house! 133 00:04:59,163 --> 00:05:00,697 And I said, no! 134 00:05:04,068 --> 00:05:05,268 Aagh! Ugh-ugh! 135 00:05:12,976 --> 00:05:14,077 Ugh! 136 00:05:17,081 --> 00:05:18,882 [GRUNTS] 137 00:05:20,083 --> 00:05:21,551 You little bitch! 138 00:05:23,087 --> 00:05:24,421 [GRUNTING] 139 00:05:42,139 --> 00:05:43,807 Ugh! Agh! 140 00:05:43,808 --> 00:05:45,642 [GRUNTING] 141 00:05:45,643 --> 00:05:47,377 [GROANING] 142 00:05:48,011 --> 00:05:48,945 Uh-oh. 143 00:05:48,946 --> 00:05:51,281 [HUEY & RILEY SHOUTING, BLOWS LANDING] 144 00:05:52,416 --> 00:05:53,450 Ow! 145 00:05:59,589 --> 00:06:01,458 GRANDDAD: Boys! 146 00:06:01,459 --> 00:06:02,692 What the hell? 147 00:06:02,693 --> 00:06:04,727 I ain't doing nothin', Granddad. 148 00:06:04,728 --> 00:06:06,896 I was just gonna go to Ed's house, 149 00:06:06,897 --> 00:06:10,300 and Huey said I couldn't go 'cause he a hater. 150 00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:12,401 What the hell is wrong with you, Huey? 151 00:06:12,402 --> 00:06:15,104 If your brother wants to play with Ed and Rummy, 152 00:06:15,105 --> 00:06:16,139 that's his business. 153 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:18,073 [PANTING] Granddad... 154 00:06:18,074 --> 00:06:20,142 Ed and Rummy are international criminals. 155 00:06:20,143 --> 00:06:22,312 There he go, hatin' again. 156 00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:23,579 Boys, stop hatin'! 157 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,381 What about the time when Riley and Ed 158 00:06:25,382 --> 00:06:27,150 were playing with a loaded shotgun, 159 00:06:27,151 --> 00:06:30,254 and Riley shot Ed out of a second-story window? 160 00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:33,290 Huaagh! 161 00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,258 Ohhh. 162 00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:38,294 That did happen, didn't it? 163 00:06:38,295 --> 00:06:42,131 Okay. So just 'cause Ed believes in his Second Amendment right 164 00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:44,133 to bear arms, we can't be friends? 165 00:06:44,134 --> 00:06:46,503 What you got against the Bill of Rights, Huey? 166 00:06:46,504 --> 00:06:48,671 Okay. How 'bout the time they stopped for gas 167 00:06:48,672 --> 00:06:50,407 and ended up robbin' the mini-mart? 168 00:06:52,142 --> 00:06:53,643 MAN: Agh. 169 00:06:53,644 --> 00:06:55,478 RILEY: They was fighting terrorism. 170 00:06:55,479 --> 00:06:58,881 Makin' the world safe for the freedoms that we enjoy today. 171 00:06:58,882 --> 00:07:02,151 That's messed up. You don't support the troops, Huey. 172 00:07:02,152 --> 00:07:04,287 That is kind of messed up, Huey. 173 00:07:04,288 --> 00:07:05,889 Be back by dinner. 174 00:07:05,890 --> 00:07:07,490 Ha! 175 00:07:07,491 --> 00:07:09,059 [?] 176 00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:12,595 I'm just sayin' we can do better. 177 00:07:12,596 --> 00:07:14,430 We're not realizing our potential. 178 00:07:14,431 --> 00:07:16,199 This is some bullshit. 179 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,200 The game cheatin'! 180 00:07:17,201 --> 00:07:19,035 Nigga, the game ain't cheatin'. 181 00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,403 Start the game over. 182 00:07:20,404 --> 00:07:23,138 Why you always gotta cheat when you lose, Ed? 183 00:07:23,139 --> 00:07:24,740 Let him have it. 184 00:07:24,741 --> 00:07:27,611 It's not wise to upset a Wuncler. 185 00:07:33,650 --> 00:07:35,619 Restart the game now! 186 00:07:39,456 --> 00:07:41,724 And Oprah fans get ready. 187 00:07:41,725 --> 00:07:44,660 The queen of daytime talk will be in the Woodcrest area 188 00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:46,462 tomorrow for a book signing, 189 00:07:46,463 --> 00:07:48,898 before taping her show the following evening. 190 00:07:48,899 --> 00:07:52,701 Hundreds of Oprah faithfuls have been camping out 191 00:07:52,702 --> 00:07:54,503 for days in anticipation. 192 00:07:54,504 --> 00:07:56,471 [SNIFFLING] I just think she is- 193 00:07:56,472 --> 00:07:59,042 She is the most wonderful spirit. 194 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,810 I just don't know what I would do without her. 195 00:08:01,811 --> 00:08:03,980 RUMMY: Oh, snap! 196 00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:06,349 What if we kidnap Oprah? 197 00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,417 And do what? 198 00:08:07,418 --> 00:08:10,019 Control of Oprah is control over women. 199 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,355 Wait. I see where you're goin'. 200 00:08:12,356 --> 00:08:15,124 See, 'cause, like, control over women 201 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:17,826 is control over bitches. 202 00:08:17,827 --> 00:08:19,862 Oprah Winfrey taps directly into 203 00:08:19,863 --> 00:08:21,230 the emotions, beliefs, 204 00:08:21,231 --> 00:08:23,198 buying habits and summer reading patterns 205 00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:25,568 of billions of women all over the world. 206 00:08:25,569 --> 00:08:28,170 Oprah Winfrey has the power to lay waste 207 00:08:28,171 --> 00:08:31,474 to an entire industry with a mere utterance. 208 00:08:31,475 --> 00:08:33,709 She's a completely invincible, 209 00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:35,678 unstoppable force of nature. 210 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:40,383 And with her under our control, nobody will be able to stop us. 211 00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:44,120 Who's trying to stop you? Nobody ever tries to stop you. 212 00:08:44,121 --> 00:08:45,221 Yes, they do. 213 00:08:45,222 --> 00:08:46,788 No, they don't. 214 00:08:46,789 --> 00:08:49,291 Hey, just because we don't know anyone tryin' to stop us, 215 00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:51,560 don't mean ain't nobody out there tryin' to stop us. 216 00:08:51,561 --> 00:08:54,897 The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. 217 00:08:54,898 --> 00:08:56,598 Seems to me like everyone 218 00:08:56,599 --> 00:08:58,400 just let's y'all do whatever you want. 219 00:08:58,401 --> 00:09:00,069 That's why y'all always get away. 220 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:03,739 We get away because I'm a criminal mastermind. 221 00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:05,475 Whatever, nigga. 222 00:09:05,476 --> 00:09:07,243 Get ready. 223 00:09:07,244 --> 00:09:08,811 We get her at the bookstore. 224 00:09:08,812 --> 00:09:10,580 We gonna need some video surveillance. 225 00:09:10,581 --> 00:09:13,783 And we gonna need advanced communication. 226 00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:16,452 Two-way pagers for everybody. 227 00:09:16,453 --> 00:09:17,654 Yeah! 228 00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:20,122 [?] 229 00:09:20,123 --> 00:09:22,524 Whatever you guys are plannin', 230 00:09:22,525 --> 00:09:24,126 you're not gettin' away with it. 231 00:09:24,127 --> 00:09:26,362 Nobody can stop Ed and Rummy. 232 00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:27,896 Maybe not. 233 00:09:27,897 --> 00:09:29,632 But if I catch you with 'em, 234 00:09:29,633 --> 00:09:31,034 I'm gonna take you down. 235 00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:33,703 Unless I take you down first. 236 00:09:33,704 --> 00:09:36,138 [MOCKING] "Unless I take you down first. " 237 00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:37,373 Is that the best you can do? 238 00:09:37,374 --> 00:09:38,875 Shut up, punk. 239 00:09:40,411 --> 00:09:42,245 WOMAN: I just saw- I saw a glimpse of her. 240 00:09:42,246 --> 00:09:43,414 Oh, my God. She's in there. 241 00:09:45,449 --> 00:09:47,616 MAN: Oh, she looks fantastic. 242 00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:48,718 RILEY: Okay. 243 00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:52,321 There's two guards by the front door. 244 00:09:52,322 --> 00:09:53,824 [INDISTINCT WHISPERING] 245 00:09:54,892 --> 00:09:58,327 RILEY: Another on the east wall. 246 00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:00,029 ED: Well, excuse me 247 00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:03,332 for being into computers and shit, all right? 248 00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:04,966 First of all, motherfucker, 249 00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:06,702 just because you put a two-way pager 250 00:10:06,703 --> 00:10:08,137 in the middle of your desk, 251 00:10:08,138 --> 00:10:09,838 don't make it a computer. 252 00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:11,740 It's a two-way pager, all right? 253 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,909 Okay. Then what's the difference? 254 00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:15,878 The difference is a computer is something 255 00:10:15,879 --> 00:10:17,313 that does actual work. 256 00:10:17,314 --> 00:10:20,282 Nigga technology don't do much more than let dumb niggas 257 00:10:20,283 --> 00:10:21,751 talk to other dumb niggas 258 00:10:21,752 --> 00:10:23,986 about dumb-nigga shit. 259 00:10:23,987 --> 00:10:25,321 WOMAN: She even smells good. 260 00:10:25,322 --> 00:10:27,791 RILEY: Hey. I see Oprah. 261 00:10:29,526 --> 00:10:33,162 Okay, her security just left her alone. Go. 262 00:10:33,163 --> 00:10:34,731 Let's roll. 263 00:10:34,732 --> 00:10:36,667 [MADVILLAIN'S "RAID LYRICS" PLAYING] 264 00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:40,703 ? How Doom hold heat And preach non-violence ? 265 00:10:40,704 --> 00:10:43,005 ? Shh, he about to start The speech, come on, silence ? 266 00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:45,174 ? On one scary night I saw the light ? 267 00:10:45,175 --> 00:10:46,642 Oh! 268 00:10:46,643 --> 00:10:48,511 ? Heard a voice that sound Like Barry White ? 269 00:10:48,512 --> 00:10:49,612 [PEOPLE SCREAMING] 270 00:10:49,613 --> 00:10:50,580 Get down! 271 00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:52,348 RUMMY: Everybody get down, now! 272 00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:53,582 ? Fly a kite in a firefight ? 273 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,450 ? During tornado time With no coat ? 274 00:10:55,451 --> 00:10:57,587 ED: Where's Oprah? 275 00:10:57,588 --> 00:10:59,255 RUMMY: Well? Where she at? 276 00:10:59,256 --> 00:11:02,057 ED: Where's Oprah? 277 00:11:02,058 --> 00:11:04,293 RUMMY: I'm gonna start bustin' some caps in some ass. 278 00:11:04,294 --> 00:11:06,228 ED: Where's Oprah, punk? 279 00:11:06,229 --> 00:11:07,698 [WHIMPERS] 280 00:11:08,398 --> 00:11:09,831 Kee-yah, bitch! 281 00:11:09,832 --> 00:11:12,168 RUMMY: Don't look. Just tell me where that bitch is! 282 00:11:12,169 --> 00:11:13,603 Somebody needs to tell me 283 00:11:13,604 --> 00:11:15,971 where Oprah is on the count of three, or... 284 00:11:15,972 --> 00:11:19,676 Or- Or I'm gonna kill the oldest bitch up in here! 285 00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:23,646 That's real fucked up, Agnes. 286 00:11:23,647 --> 00:11:25,247 ED: I found her! 287 00:11:25,248 --> 00:11:26,982 No! Help me! 288 00:11:26,983 --> 00:11:28,118 [MUFFLED SHOUTING] 289 00:11:29,386 --> 00:11:31,987 Body Snatcher Three to Body Snatcher Two, 290 00:11:31,988 --> 00:11:32,922 where are you? 291 00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:34,122 We're in the bookstore. 292 00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:35,824 We're about to extract the package. 293 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,093 RILEY: What bookstore? 294 00:11:37,094 --> 00:11:39,662 The Borders next to Starbucks. 295 00:11:39,663 --> 00:11:41,631 No, it's the Barnes & Noble 296 00:11:41,632 --> 00:11:43,333 next to The Coffee Bean. [GUNFIRE] 297 00:11:44,134 --> 00:11:45,734 [MUFFLED SHOUTING] 298 00:11:45,735 --> 00:11:47,135 Kee-yah, bitch! 299 00:11:47,136 --> 00:11:49,105 ? Uh, yeah, now ? 300 00:11:49,106 --> 00:11:51,907 ? How Med hold heat Like Clint East is reborn ? 301 00:11:51,908 --> 00:11:53,509 Rummy, wait! 302 00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:55,978 That's not Oprah! Hello? 303 00:11:55,979 --> 00:11:56,980 Damn it. 304 00:11:57,914 --> 00:11:59,315 RUMMY: Body Snatcher Two 305 00:11:59,316 --> 00:12:00,949 to Body Snatcher Three, you read me? 306 00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:02,117 [MUFFLED SHOUTING] 307 00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:04,086 Hey. Kick me again- Oh! Goddamn it. 308 00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:06,222 [BEEPS] RUMMY: I'm gonna bust your ass. 309 00:12:06,223 --> 00:12:07,756 "Dear Ed... 310 00:12:07,757 --> 00:12:11,693 "that... is not... Oprah. 311 00:12:11,694 --> 00:12:12,829 Riley. " 312 00:12:12,830 --> 00:12:15,764 Yo, Rummy. Riley said that ain't Oprah. 313 00:12:15,765 --> 00:12:17,800 What? Well, then who the hell is she? 314 00:12:17,801 --> 00:12:19,101 Oh! Goddamn it! 315 00:12:19,102 --> 00:12:20,469 It's, uh, 316 00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,005 "Maya... Angelou. " 317 00:12:23,006 --> 00:12:25,409 Maya "And I rise" Angelou? 318 00:12:26,476 --> 00:12:28,177 Mm-hm. 319 00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:29,646 [TIRES SCREECH] 320 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:31,681 [GRUNTS] 321 00:12:31,682 --> 00:12:35,285 [MUFFLED] I am so mad at you. Hmph! 322 00:12:36,895 --> 00:12:38,497 MAN [OVER TV]: This was the scene today 323 00:12:38,498 --> 00:12:40,298 at the Woodcrest Borders bookstore, 324 00:12:40,299 --> 00:12:42,000 where two unknown assailants 325 00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:45,237 kidnapped Maya Angelou during a book signing. 326 00:12:45,238 --> 00:12:46,771 It was all Rummy's fault! 327 00:12:46,772 --> 00:12:49,007 Ed ran into the wrong store. I was followin' Ed. 328 00:12:49,008 --> 00:12:51,643 How was I supposed to know which bookstore to go into? 329 00:12:51,644 --> 00:12:54,312 They look exactly the same, and they both got books. 330 00:12:54,313 --> 00:12:57,015 There was a giant crowd of people outside of one. 331 00:12:57,016 --> 00:12:58,617 That don't mean Oprah was in there. 332 00:12:58,618 --> 00:13:01,953 There was a large sign outside that said, "Welcome Oprah. " 333 00:13:01,954 --> 00:13:04,523 Y'all are lucky Ed's grandfather owns the cops. 334 00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:07,258 Just what are you tryin' to imply? 335 00:13:07,259 --> 00:13:09,427 Look, we escaped capture 336 00:13:09,428 --> 00:13:12,464 because of planning, teamwork and execution. 337 00:13:12,465 --> 00:13:14,399 [?] 338 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,368 This officer wanted to see you, 339 00:13:16,369 --> 00:13:18,337 Mr. Wuncler, sir. 340 00:13:19,239 --> 00:13:22,241 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Wuncler, I-I just... 341 00:13:22,242 --> 00:13:24,910 Well, y- You dropped this today at the bookstore 342 00:13:24,911 --> 00:13:27,346 during the- Y-you know. The unpleasant, uh... 343 00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:32,150 Th- Thank you, Mr. Wuncler, sir. Thank you. 344 00:13:32,151 --> 00:13:34,086 Uh, I'm so sorry to disturb you. 345 00:13:34,087 --> 00:13:35,687 I- I hope you're not upset with me. 346 00:13:35,688 --> 00:13:37,556 Why don't we just get Oprah tomorrow? 347 00:13:37,557 --> 00:13:39,391 Anybody know where they're taping? 348 00:13:39,392 --> 00:13:42,895 Maybe we could try and find out? 349 00:13:42,896 --> 00:13:44,763 I'm down with that. 350 00:13:44,764 --> 00:13:47,498 Oh. This is beautiful. 351 00:13:47,499 --> 00:13:49,600 It's like we back again. 352 00:13:49,601 --> 00:13:52,070 Hey, man, look, I'm sorry. You know, uh, 353 00:13:52,071 --> 00:13:54,772 sometimes I just let my emotions get the best of me. 354 00:13:54,773 --> 00:13:56,574 No, no, no, no, I understand. 355 00:13:56,575 --> 00:13:58,676 You passionate about what you're doin'. 356 00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,379 I just wish you'd be a little more sensitive to my feelings. 357 00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:03,348 It was my fault, man. 358 00:14:03,349 --> 00:14:06,784 No, no, no, it was my fault for grabbing... 359 00:14:06,785 --> 00:14:09,154 the poet triumvirate, whatever her name... 360 00:14:09,155 --> 00:14:10,523 Maya- Maya. 361 00:14:14,961 --> 00:14:16,328 Y'all niggas are gay. 362 00:14:18,631 --> 00:14:20,599 Hey, why y'all leave me out here? 363 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,100 One of y'all motherfuckers 364 00:14:22,101 --> 00:14:23,969 better come out here and get me, I know that. 365 00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:26,971 Or you will be living in a haunted house tonight. 366 00:14:26,972 --> 00:14:28,307 Swim, bitch! 367 00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:31,276 Now, this is the studio where they be taping the show. 368 00:14:31,277 --> 00:14:34,246 What we need to worry about is Oprah's personal security team. 369 00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:36,181 Do we have any intel on that? 370 00:14:36,182 --> 00:14:37,982 Any what? Intel. 371 00:14:37,983 --> 00:14:40,452 Intelligence, nigga. Keep up. 372 00:14:40,453 --> 00:14:42,688 The bookstore security footage. 373 00:14:42,689 --> 00:14:44,889 Help! 374 00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,958 [?] 375 00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:49,294 RUMMY: Whoa. Bushido Brown. 376 00:14:49,295 --> 00:14:50,428 Aw, damn, 377 00:14:50,429 --> 00:14:51,763 I was afraid of this. 378 00:14:51,764 --> 00:14:53,065 Who's Bushido Brown? 379 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:56,400 A bona fide bad motherfucker, that's who. 380 00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:58,302 You remember when Oprah made them comments 381 00:14:58,303 --> 00:15:00,005 about the beef industry? No. 382 00:15:00,006 --> 00:15:02,039 Okay. Well, a few years back, 383 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,908 Oprah said some shit on her show about beef. 384 00:15:03,909 --> 00:15:05,777 You know, mad cow disease, or some shit. 385 00:15:05,778 --> 00:15:09,481 Anyway, the beef industry didn't exactly find that shit amusing. 386 00:15:09,482 --> 00:15:11,783 They thought they would send a crew of armed Texans 387 00:15:11,784 --> 00:15:13,718 to go teach Oprah a lesson. 388 00:15:13,719 --> 00:15:14,720 [ALL JEERING] 389 00:15:14,721 --> 00:15:17,188 Ex-Marines, ex-Texas Rangers, 390 00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:18,657 rogues, that kind of shit. 391 00:15:18,658 --> 00:15:20,993 But Oprah hired Bushido Brown 392 00:15:20,994 --> 00:15:22,794 as her personal bodyguard. 393 00:15:22,795 --> 00:15:24,797 MAN: Come on. Come on, Jay-Z. 394 00:15:30,003 --> 00:15:31,002 MAN 2: We got him. 395 00:15:31,003 --> 00:15:32,037 [GRUNTING] 396 00:15:33,305 --> 00:15:34,539 RUMMY: Apparently, 397 00:15:34,540 --> 00:15:36,608 only one dude was able to actually lay a hand 398 00:15:36,609 --> 00:15:37,776 on Oprah's office door. 399 00:15:37,777 --> 00:15:39,177 Yahhh! 400 00:15:39,178 --> 00:15:40,411 They say... 401 00:15:40,412 --> 00:15:42,781 Bushido Brown kept that hand. 402 00:15:44,950 --> 00:15:46,718 I think I just shit myself. 403 00:15:46,719 --> 00:15:48,687 No, no. 404 00:15:48,688 --> 00:15:50,722 We can't just stroll up in there 405 00:15:50,723 --> 00:15:52,924 if Bushido Brown is there. 406 00:15:52,925 --> 00:15:54,893 We need a plan. 407 00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:56,227 And, um... 408 00:15:56,228 --> 00:15:58,330 go change your pants. 409 00:15:58,331 --> 00:16:00,232 HUEY: Pretty strange, huh? 410 00:16:00,233 --> 00:16:03,968 Armed gunmen assault a bookstore 411 00:16:03,969 --> 00:16:06,371 to kidnap Maya Angelou. 412 00:16:06,372 --> 00:16:08,440 Hey, I heard she had enemies. 413 00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:11,409 Even stranger, Oprah Winfrey 414 00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:13,879 was right across the street when it happened. 415 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,049 I don't know anything about no plot to kidnap nobody. 416 00:16:17,050 --> 00:16:20,218 So Ed and Rummy do have a plan to kidnap Oprah. 417 00:16:20,219 --> 00:16:22,622 ["THUGGIN' LUV" PLAYING IN CAR] 418 00:16:24,824 --> 00:16:26,191 [?] 419 00:16:36,336 --> 00:16:38,137 Damn. 420 00:16:46,479 --> 00:16:47,713 [BEEPS] 421 00:16:48,781 --> 00:16:51,783 HUEY: I call it the Black Power Fist. 422 00:16:51,784 --> 00:16:54,853 The Black Power Fist is actually a stun glove 423 00:16:54,854 --> 00:16:57,356 that I made with instructions I found on the Internet. 424 00:16:57,357 --> 00:16:59,057 It delivers thousands of volts 425 00:16:59,058 --> 00:17:01,259 of imperialism-stopping electricity 426 00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:02,928 without the need of superpowers 427 00:17:02,929 --> 00:17:04,763 or secret alien technology. 428 00:17:04,764 --> 00:17:07,932 And it's inexpensive enough to fit well within 429 00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:10,903 even the most frugal revolutionary's defense budget. 430 00:17:23,082 --> 00:17:25,784 Okay, so we're gonna enter at the rear service entrance. 431 00:17:25,785 --> 00:17:28,119 They'd never expect us to go through there, 432 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:29,521 because it's in back. 433 00:17:29,522 --> 00:17:31,956 Whoa. Hm. 434 00:17:31,957 --> 00:17:34,258 Didn't think they'd put guards there. 435 00:17:34,259 --> 00:17:35,794 They really covered their bases. 436 00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:38,329 So that's it? That's the plan? 437 00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,798 Now what? 438 00:17:39,799 --> 00:17:42,200 I didn't think they'd think to put guards at the rear. 439 00:17:42,201 --> 00:17:43,802 That was a unknown unknown. 440 00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:47,705 It was a bad plan. You plan things badly. 441 00:17:47,706 --> 00:17:49,175 Isn't this your brother? 442 00:17:49,976 --> 00:17:51,744 [?] 443 00:17:54,981 --> 00:17:56,180 What's he doin' here? 444 00:17:56,181 --> 00:17:58,015 He's tryin' to stop you. 445 00:17:58,016 --> 00:17:59,016 Really? 446 00:17:59,017 --> 00:18:00,986 Why? What we ever do to him? 447 00:18:00,987 --> 00:18:02,755 Sound like a hater to me. 448 00:18:03,221 --> 00:18:04,589 Hello? 449 00:18:04,590 --> 00:18:07,925 Yes. There's a little boy coming right now to hurt Oprah. 450 00:18:07,926 --> 00:18:11,296 He's got a big stupid afro and a very poor disposition. 451 00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:13,231 He's on the east side of the building. 452 00:18:13,232 --> 00:18:14,367 A'ight, peace. 453 00:18:16,836 --> 00:18:18,269 Okay, we're on the move. 454 00:18:18,270 --> 00:18:20,105 Let's go. 455 00:18:23,075 --> 00:18:25,743 All right, the game's up. It's over. 456 00:18:25,744 --> 00:18:27,579 You're not going anywhere. It's all right. 457 00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:30,182 [MADVILLAIN'S "ALL CAPS" PLAYING] 458 00:18:31,784 --> 00:18:33,084 Oprah's in danger. 459 00:18:33,085 --> 00:18:35,286 Not while I'm here. 460 00:18:35,287 --> 00:18:37,055 I have to get into that studio, 461 00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,857 even if it means goin' through you. 462 00:18:38,858 --> 00:18:42,061 Man, you come straight out of a comic strip. 463 00:18:47,099 --> 00:18:50,334 ? So nasty that it's probably Somewhat of a travesty ? 464 00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:51,603 [GRUNTS] 465 00:18:51,604 --> 00:18:54,272 ? You can call me "Your Majesty" ? 466 00:18:54,273 --> 00:18:55,907 Uh! 467 00:18:55,908 --> 00:18:58,309 Hooo... 468 00:18:58,310 --> 00:18:59,311 ya! 469 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:01,380 All right. WOMAN: No running in here. 470 00:19:02,081 --> 00:19:03,382 Aagh! 471 00:19:04,984 --> 00:19:07,719 ? And you know I know That's a bunch of snow ? 472 00:19:09,489 --> 00:19:11,356 Yaaa... hoo! 473 00:19:11,891 --> 00:19:13,391 [GUARDS YELL] 474 00:19:13,392 --> 00:19:14,960 GUARD: Why me? 475 00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:16,795 ? Sometimes he rhyme slow And vice versa ? 476 00:19:16,796 --> 00:19:19,230 ? Whip up a slice Of nice verse pie ? 477 00:19:19,231 --> 00:19:20,199 [GROWLS] 478 00:19:21,066 --> 00:19:22,300 [GRUNTING] 479 00:19:22,301 --> 00:19:23,902 Huh? [GASPS] 480 00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:28,339 Okay, Oprah's dressing room should be up here 481 00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:29,575 and to the left. Let's go. 482 00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:32,144 [BOTH GRUNTING] 483 00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:38,483 Aah! 484 00:19:39,417 --> 00:19:41,754 Ugh! Ugh! Wha-? 485 00:19:42,755 --> 00:19:44,622 [SCREAMING] 486 00:19:47,493 --> 00:19:48,827 Agh! 487 00:19:50,663 --> 00:19:52,496 [PHONE RINGING] Say what? 488 00:19:52,497 --> 00:19:53,832 Intruders in the studio? 489 00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:55,533 I am on my way. 490 00:19:55,534 --> 00:19:57,602 GUARD: Let's go. GUARD 2: I'm comin'. 491 00:19:57,603 --> 00:19:59,604 ED: Kee-yah, bitch! 492 00:20:00,638 --> 00:20:02,306 Pull up your pants, 493 00:20:02,307 --> 00:20:04,643 you little ghetto hooligan. 494 00:20:04,644 --> 00:20:06,645 Damn. Is that who I think it is? 495 00:20:06,646 --> 00:20:10,582 This ain't Oprah. It's Bill Cosby. 496 00:20:10,583 --> 00:20:12,317 I guess we were supposed to take a left. 497 00:20:12,318 --> 00:20:14,085 COSBY: What's the matter with you? 498 00:20:14,086 --> 00:20:16,454 You should be ashamed of yourself. 499 00:20:16,455 --> 00:20:17,822 Kicking in the doors 500 00:20:17,823 --> 00:20:20,325 with the big boots and the guns. 501 00:20:20,326 --> 00:20:23,027 Damn, Rummy. I'm sick of playing with y'all. 502 00:20:23,028 --> 00:20:24,829 Y'all two are pathetic. [COSBY MUMBLING] 503 00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:27,399 Hey, in Iraq we was in Special Ops. 504 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,201 Y'all niggas should have been in the Special Olympics. 505 00:20:30,202 --> 00:20:31,503 I'm goin' home. 506 00:20:31,504 --> 00:20:35,039 Oh, come on, man. Look, we'll kidnap Bill Cosby. 507 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,408 It'll still be fun. 508 00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,342 Yeah, man, it's only 4:00. 509 00:20:38,343 --> 00:20:40,512 Come on. We can write the ransom note together. 510 00:20:40,513 --> 00:20:43,682 I don't think so, guys. I gotta get home for dinner. 511 00:20:43,683 --> 00:20:45,850 RILEY: Later. COSBY: ... with their parents... 512 00:20:45,851 --> 00:20:47,518 Don't listen to him, he's just a hater. 513 00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:48,919 You a good planner. 514 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,623 Look, you about to kidnap Bill Cosby. 515 00:20:52,624 --> 00:20:54,325 How many motherfuckers can say 516 00:20:54,326 --> 00:20:56,494 that they did some shit like that, huh? 517 00:20:56,495 --> 00:20:59,597 You gotta start lookin' at the bright side. 518 00:20:59,598 --> 00:21:02,066 Yeah. Sure you're right. 519 00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,968 I am a pretty good planner, huh? 520 00:21:03,969 --> 00:21:06,036 RILEY: And y'all niggas are gay. 521 00:21:06,037 --> 00:21:08,873 COSBY: -To the wall. I... 522 00:21:08,874 --> 00:21:11,042 You know, I just- Oh, no. 523 00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:13,878 Man. This- This reminds me of when I... 524 00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:16,515 HUEY: Ed and Rummy kidnapped Bill Cosby. 525 00:21:19,217 --> 00:21:20,251 [COSBY MUMBLING] 526 00:21:20,252 --> 00:21:21,652 But he was really annoying, 527 00:21:21,653 --> 00:21:23,855 so they returned him to the studio 15 minutes later. 528 00:21:23,856 --> 00:21:26,290 COSBY: I'm upset with you for comin' in here... 529 00:21:26,291 --> 00:21:29,727 HUEY: As usual, nobody even thought about stopping them. 530 00:21:29,728 --> 00:21:31,429 What the fuck y'all lookin' at? 531 00:21:31,430 --> 00:21:34,899 Riley had gotten away, but returned 532 00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,801 several hours later when he realized 533 00:21:36,802 --> 00:21:39,237 he had dropped his two-way pager. 534 00:21:42,908 --> 00:21:45,109 Okay, okay, okay. 535 00:21:45,110 --> 00:21:48,146 Let me explain. 536 00:21:48,147 --> 00:21:50,248 You must have lost your mind! Ow! Oh! Ow! 537 00:21:50,249 --> 00:21:51,983 You do not- Hey, man! Just let me- Ow! 538 00:21:51,984 --> 00:21:53,985 -kidnap Oprah! 539 00:21:53,986 --> 00:21:55,787 [?] 540 00:22:00,692 --> 00:22:02,628 [?]