1
00:00:00,981 --> 00:00:02,580
? I am the stone
The builder refused ?
2
00:00:02,581 --> 00:00:04,049
? I am the visual
The inspiration ?
3
00:00:04,050 --> 00:00:05,517
? That made lady
Sing the blues ?
4
00:00:05,518 --> 00:00:07,319
? I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ?
5
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,987
? The same spark
That lights the dark ?
6
00:00:08,988 --> 00:00:10,556
? So that you can know
Left from right ?
7
00:00:10,557 --> 00:00:12,625
? I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ?
8
00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,159
? The inner glow
That lets you know ?
9
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,293
? To call your brother sun ?
10
00:00:15,294 --> 00:00:16,594
? The story that just begun ?
11
00:00:16,595 --> 00:00:17,930
? The promise
Of what's to come ?
12
00:00:17,931 --> 00:00:19,332
? And I'm 'a remain a soldier ?
13
00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:21,366
? Till the war is won ?
14
00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:23,969
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
15
00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:26,638
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
16
00:00:26,639 --> 00:00:29,108
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
17
00:00:29,109 --> 00:00:30,476
? Chop, chop, chop ?
18
00:00:31,844 --> 00:00:34,914
[GANGSTALICIOUS' "THUGGIN' LUV"
PLAYING ON STEREO]
19
00:00:37,868 --> 00:00:39,769
RUMMY:
Man, I don't get that.
20
00:00:39,770 --> 00:00:40,804
ED:
Get what?
21
00:00:40,805 --> 00:00:42,438
That textin' shit.
22
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,473
And what's wrong
with textin'?
23
00:00:44,474 --> 00:00:45,942
You mean, aside from the fact
24
00:00:45,943 --> 00:00:48,444
that it's the stupidest
fuckin' thing in the world?
25
00:00:48,445 --> 00:00:50,346
I mean, why would anyone
in their right minds
26
00:00:50,347 --> 00:00:52,381
spend 15 minutes tryi'’
to type some shit
27
00:00:52,382 --> 00:00:54,918
they could have called
and said in five seconds?
28
00:00:54,919 --> 00:00:57,754
Plus, it involves typi'’
with your thumbs,
29
00:00:57,755 --> 00:00:59,322
which I just don't
approve of.
30
00:00:59,323 --> 00:01:02,158
Shit. I don't know
about you,
31
00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:03,426
but I don't have time to read
32
00:01:03,427 --> 00:01:05,862
nothin' that a motherfucker
typed with his thumbs.
33
00:01:05,863 --> 00:01:08,397
Fun fact: nothin' typed
by someone's thumbs
34
00:01:08,398 --> 00:01:10,066
has ever been important.
35
00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:12,536
It's all just nigga
technology, anyway.
36
00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:13,703
What you call it?
37
00:01:13,704 --> 00:01:16,939
"Nigga technology. "
Technology for niggas.
38
00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:19,475
Only don't start trippin'
and shit, callin' me a racist.
39
00:01:19,476 --> 00:01:21,777
'Cause I don't mean nigga
in a disrespectful way.
40
00:01:21,778 --> 00:01:24,814
I-I mean it as a general term
for ignorant motherfucker.
41
00:01:24,815 --> 00:01:28,185
Anybody of any race could be
an ignorant motherfucker.
42
00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:30,619
Shit, I be textin'
my ass off.
43
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:32,088
Shit. Bitches like textin'.
44
00:01:32,089 --> 00:01:34,590
I be textin' them all the time.
Matter of fact,
45
00:01:34,591 --> 00:01:36,893
I also be textin'
my weed man too,
46
00:01:36,894 --> 00:01:38,962
'cause, you know, he don't like
to be on the phone.
47
00:01:38,963 --> 00:01:40,297
So I text him.
48
00:01:41,031 --> 00:01:42,732
Case in point.
49
00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:44,734
So basically,
50
00:01:44,735 --> 00:01:46,168
nigga technology is anything
51
00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:47,770
that doesn't plug
into a printer.
52
00:01:47,771 --> 00:01:49,138
Does that plug into a printer?
53
00:01:49,139 --> 00:01:50,073
No.
54
00:01:50,074 --> 00:01:51,674
Know why?
55
00:01:51,675 --> 00:01:55,011
'Cause niggas never
have anything to print.
56
00:01:55,012 --> 00:01:57,014
[?]
57
00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,885
Excuse me, sirs,
58
00:02:01,886 --> 00:02:04,287
would you like to buy
some candy
59
00:02:04,288 --> 00:02:07,824
to keep urban youth
off of drugs and gangs?
60
00:02:07,825 --> 00:02:09,059
Uh, how much?
61
00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:10,192
Three.
62
00:02:10,193 --> 00:02:13,530
You hear that?
I said, three.
63
00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:18,267
All right, all right, all right,
we got it. Now, beat it.
64
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,370
A'ight. Three guards
ain't too bad.
65
00:02:21,371 --> 00:02:23,840
Don't forget your earplugs
this time, Ed.
66
00:02:23,841 --> 00:02:24,841
Let's go.
67
00:02:24,842 --> 00:02:27,243
Hold up, my nigga.
Hold up.
68
00:02:27,244 --> 00:02:29,246
Go time, nigga!
Let's go!
69
00:02:29,247 --> 00:02:31,647
I sent that bitch
a smiley face.
70
00:02:31,648 --> 00:02:33,749
Bitches love smiley faces.
71
00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:35,919
Okay, let's roll.
72
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,753
[MADVILLAIN'S "STRANGE WAYS"
PLAYING]
73
00:02:37,754 --> 00:02:39,256
Nobody move a goddamn muscle!
74
00:02:39,257 --> 00:02:41,758
Best start actin' like you're
a mannequin or something.
75
00:02:41,759 --> 00:02:43,359
Like you wanna stand
in the window...
76
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,561
Agh!
77
00:02:45,729 --> 00:02:47,730
Everybody get on
the ground, now! Now!
78
00:02:47,731 --> 00:02:48,998
[PEOPLE WHIMPERING]
79
00:02:48,999 --> 00:02:51,868
Nobody make a goddamn sound.
80
00:02:51,869 --> 00:02:53,269
[DOG BARKING]
81
00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:54,338
[DOG WHIMPERS]
82
00:02:55,606 --> 00:02:57,774
Hurry up, now!
I ain't got all day! Move it!
83
00:02:57,775 --> 00:03:00,243
? Who's the real thugs
Killers and gangsters? ?
84
00:03:00,244 --> 00:03:02,345
I said, let's go!
85
00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:07,049
[MAN COUGHS]
86
00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:08,384
[WOMAN WHISPERING]
87
00:03:08,385 --> 00:03:11,554
Do you want us to
take you to the safe?
88
00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:13,723
Hm? Oh, right. Right.
89
00:03:13,724 --> 00:03:16,659
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, the safe. Yeah.
90
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:18,594
Move it! Move it!
? It's like makin' a soldier ?
91
00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:20,229
? Drop his weapon
Shootin' him ?
92
00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:21,931
? And tellin' him
To get to steppin' ?
93
00:03:21,932 --> 00:03:25,134
? Obviously, they came
To portion up his fortune ?
94
00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:28,805
? Sounds to me like
That old robbery-extortion ?
95
00:03:28,806 --> 00:03:30,406
Hurry up!
96
00:03:30,407 --> 00:03:31,474
Come on!
97
00:03:31,475 --> 00:03:33,143
? You can't reform 'em ?
98
00:03:33,144 --> 00:03:34,811
[ENGINE STARTS]
99
00:03:34,812 --> 00:03:36,880
Twenty-two minutes.
100
00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:39,048
We suck.
We fuckin' suck, man.
101
00:03:39,049 --> 00:03:41,350
And I forgot to ask
for the money again.
102
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,486
I always forget to ask
for the money.
103
00:03:43,487 --> 00:03:46,656
I don't think
22 minutes is so bad.
104
00:03:46,657 --> 00:03:48,057
Not so bad?
105
00:03:48,058 --> 00:03:50,159
That's a whole episode
of Seinfeld.
106
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,095
It takes us a whole episode
of Sein-fuckin'- feld
107
00:03:53,096 --> 00:03:54,164
to rob a bank!
108
00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:56,232
Stop being a perfectionist.
109
00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:57,466
Ed, we both know
110
00:03:57,467 --> 00:03:59,435
if your grandfather
didn't own this bank,
111
00:03:59,436 --> 00:04:01,838
we'd never have gotten away
with this shit.
112
00:04:01,839 --> 00:04:04,307
Shut up, Riley!
Rummy, you the man.
113
00:04:04,308 --> 00:04:06,776
Excuse me. But will you
be needing anything else
114
00:04:06,777 --> 00:04:08,845
from me today,
Mr. Wuncler, sir?
115
00:04:08,846 --> 00:04:11,181
Nah, you can go on
and take the bags back in.
116
00:04:11,182 --> 00:04:13,049
Thank you, sir.
And for what it's worth,
117
00:04:13,050 --> 00:04:15,451
I thought you all did very well.
118
00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:18,388
See? An unbiased
opinion.
119
00:04:18,389 --> 00:04:21,491
So you honestly think that
was a well-executed robbery?
120
00:04:21,492 --> 00:04:23,493
[CHUCKLES] I sure do.
121
00:04:23,494 --> 00:04:26,062
And you wouldn't just be saying
that 'cause I got a loaded gun
122
00:04:26,063 --> 00:04:27,263
pointin' at you, would ya?
123
00:04:27,264 --> 00:04:29,899
'Cause we need honest
feedback, for real.
124
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:32,102
No, sir. I would not.
125
00:04:35,406 --> 00:04:37,173
[?]
126
00:04:38,909 --> 00:04:41,679
That's bullshit.
We fuckin' suck, man.
127
00:04:43,681 --> 00:04:45,515
HUEY [NARRATING]:
The life of a black hero
128
00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:48,017
has never been
for the meek of heart.
129
00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:51,320
You will not
get out of here alive!
130
00:04:51,321 --> 00:04:52,589
Do you hear me?
131
00:04:55,793 --> 00:04:56,993
[?]
132
00:04:56,994 --> 00:04:59,162
I'm goin' to Ed's house!
133
00:04:59,163 --> 00:05:00,697
And I said, no!
134
00:05:04,068 --> 00:05:05,268
Aagh!
Ugh-ugh!
135
00:05:12,976 --> 00:05:14,077
Ugh!
136
00:05:17,081 --> 00:05:18,882
[GRUNTS]
137
00:05:20,083 --> 00:05:21,551
You little bitch!
138
00:05:23,087 --> 00:05:24,421
[GRUNTING]
139
00:05:42,139 --> 00:05:43,807
Ugh! Agh!
140
00:05:43,808 --> 00:05:45,642
[GRUNTING]
141
00:05:45,643 --> 00:05:47,377
[GROANING]
142
00:05:48,011 --> 00:05:48,945
Uh-oh.
143
00:05:48,946 --> 00:05:51,281
[HUEY & RILEY SHOUTING,
BLOWS LANDING]
144
00:05:52,416 --> 00:05:53,450
Ow!
145
00:05:59,589 --> 00:06:01,458
GRANDDAD:
Boys!
146
00:06:01,459 --> 00:06:02,692
What the hell?
147
00:06:02,693 --> 00:06:04,727
I ain't doing nothin',
Granddad.
148
00:06:04,728 --> 00:06:06,896
I was just gonna go
to Ed's house,
149
00:06:06,897 --> 00:06:10,300
and Huey said I couldn't go
'cause he a hater.
150
00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:12,401
What the hell is wrong
with you, Huey?
151
00:06:12,402 --> 00:06:15,104
If your brother wants to play
with Ed and Rummy,
152
00:06:15,105 --> 00:06:16,139
that's his business.
153
00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:18,073
[PANTING] Granddad...
154
00:06:18,074 --> 00:06:20,142
Ed and Rummy are
international criminals.
155
00:06:20,143 --> 00:06:22,312
There he go, hatin' again.
156
00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:23,579
Boys, stop hatin'!
157
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,381
What about the time
when Riley and Ed
158
00:06:25,382 --> 00:06:27,150
were playing
with a loaded shotgun,
159
00:06:27,151 --> 00:06:30,254
and Riley shot Ed out of
a second-story window?
160
00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:33,290
Huaagh!
161
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,258
Ohhh.
162
00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:38,294
That did happen, didn't it?
163
00:06:38,295 --> 00:06:42,131
Okay. So just 'cause Ed believes
in his Second Amendment right
164
00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:44,133
to bear arms,
we can't be friends?
165
00:06:44,134 --> 00:06:46,503
What you got against
the Bill of Rights, Huey?
166
00:06:46,504 --> 00:06:48,671
Okay. How 'bout the time
they stopped for gas
167
00:06:48,672 --> 00:06:50,407
and ended up robbin'
the mini-mart?
168
00:06:52,142 --> 00:06:53,643
MAN:
Agh.
169
00:06:53,644 --> 00:06:55,478
RILEY:
They was fighting terrorism.
170
00:06:55,479 --> 00:06:58,881
Makin' the world safe for the
freedoms that we enjoy today.
171
00:06:58,882 --> 00:07:02,151
That's messed up. You don't
support the troops, Huey.
172
00:07:02,152 --> 00:07:04,287
That is kind of
messed up, Huey.
173
00:07:04,288 --> 00:07:05,889
Be back by dinner.
174
00:07:05,890 --> 00:07:07,490
Ha!
175
00:07:07,491 --> 00:07:09,059
[?]
176
00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:12,595
I'm just sayin'
we can do better.
177
00:07:12,596 --> 00:07:14,430
We're not realizing
our potential.
178
00:07:14,431 --> 00:07:16,199
This is some bullshit.
179
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,200
The game cheatin'!
180
00:07:17,201 --> 00:07:19,035
Nigga, the game ain't cheatin'.
181
00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,403
Start the game over.
182
00:07:20,404 --> 00:07:23,138
Why you always gotta cheat
when you lose, Ed?
183
00:07:23,139 --> 00:07:24,740
Let him have it.
184
00:07:24,741 --> 00:07:27,611
It's not wise to upset
a Wuncler.
185
00:07:33,650 --> 00:07:35,619
Restart the game now!
186
00:07:39,456 --> 00:07:41,724
And Oprah fans get ready.
187
00:07:41,725 --> 00:07:44,660
The queen of daytime talk
will be in the Woodcrest area
188
00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:46,462
tomorrow for a book signing,
189
00:07:46,463 --> 00:07:48,898
before taping her show
the following evening.
190
00:07:48,899 --> 00:07:52,701
Hundreds of Oprah faithfuls
have been camping out
191
00:07:52,702 --> 00:07:54,503
for days in anticipation.
192
00:07:54,504 --> 00:07:56,471
[SNIFFLING]
I just think she is-
193
00:07:56,472 --> 00:07:59,042
She is
the most wonderful spirit.
194
00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,810
I just don't know what
I would do without her.
195
00:08:01,811 --> 00:08:03,980
RUMMY:
Oh, snap!
196
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:06,349
What if we kidnap Oprah?
197
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,417
And do what?
198
00:08:07,418 --> 00:08:10,019
Control of Oprah
is control over women.
199
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,355
Wait. I see where
you're goin'.
200
00:08:12,356 --> 00:08:15,124
See, 'cause, like,
control over women
201
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:17,826
is control over bitches.
202
00:08:17,827 --> 00:08:19,862
Oprah Winfrey
taps directly into
203
00:08:19,863 --> 00:08:21,230
the emotions, beliefs,
204
00:08:21,231 --> 00:08:23,198
buying habits
and summer reading patterns
205
00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:25,568
of billions of women
all over the world.
206
00:08:25,569 --> 00:08:28,170
Oprah Winfrey has the power
to lay waste
207
00:08:28,171 --> 00:08:31,474
to an entire industry
with a mere utterance.
208
00:08:31,475 --> 00:08:33,709
She's a completely invincible,
209
00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:35,678
unstoppable force of nature.
210
00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:40,383
And with her under our control,
nobody will be able to stop us.
211
00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:44,120
Who's trying to stop you?
Nobody ever tries to stop you.
212
00:08:44,121 --> 00:08:45,221
Yes, they do.
213
00:08:45,222 --> 00:08:46,788
No, they don't.
214
00:08:46,789 --> 00:08:49,291
Hey, just because we don't know
anyone tryin' to stop us,
215
00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:51,560
don't mean ain't nobody
out there tryin' to stop us.
216
00:08:51,561 --> 00:08:54,897
The absence of evidence is
not the evidence of absence.
217
00:08:54,898 --> 00:08:56,598
Seems to me like everyone
218
00:08:56,599 --> 00:08:58,400
just let's y'all
do whatever you want.
219
00:08:58,401 --> 00:09:00,069
That's why y'all
always get away.
220
00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:03,739
We get away because
I'm a criminal mastermind.
221
00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:05,475
Whatever, nigga.
222
00:09:05,476 --> 00:09:07,243
Get ready.
223
00:09:07,244 --> 00:09:08,811
We get her at the bookstore.
224
00:09:08,812 --> 00:09:10,580
We gonna need some
video surveillance.
225
00:09:10,581 --> 00:09:13,783
And we gonna need
advanced communication.
226
00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:16,452
Two-way pagers
for everybody.
227
00:09:16,453 --> 00:09:17,654
Yeah!
228
00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:20,122
[?]
229
00:09:20,123 --> 00:09:22,524
Whatever you guys
are plannin',
230
00:09:22,525 --> 00:09:24,126
you're not gettin' away
with it.
231
00:09:24,127 --> 00:09:26,362
Nobody can stop Ed and Rummy.
232
00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:27,896
Maybe not.
233
00:09:27,897 --> 00:09:29,632
But if I catch you with 'em,
234
00:09:29,633 --> 00:09:31,034
I'm gonna take you down.
235
00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:33,703
Unless I take you down first.
236
00:09:33,704 --> 00:09:36,138
[MOCKING] "Unless I
take you down first. "
237
00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:37,373
Is that the best you can do?
238
00:09:37,374 --> 00:09:38,875
Shut up, punk.
239
00:09:40,411 --> 00:09:42,245
WOMAN: I just saw- I
saw a glimpse of her.
240
00:09:42,246 --> 00:09:43,414
Oh, my God.
She's in there.
241
00:09:45,449 --> 00:09:47,616
MAN:
Oh, she looks fantastic.
242
00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:48,718
RILEY:
Okay.
243
00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:52,321
There's two guards
by the front door.
244
00:09:52,322 --> 00:09:53,824
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
245
00:09:54,892 --> 00:09:58,327
RILEY:
Another on the east wall.
246
00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:00,029
ED:
Well, excuse me
247
00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:03,332
for being into computers
and shit, all right?
248
00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:04,966
First of all, motherfucker,
249
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:06,702
just because you put
a two-way pager
250
00:10:06,703 --> 00:10:08,137
in the middle of your desk,
251
00:10:08,138 --> 00:10:09,838
don't make it a computer.
252
00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:11,740
It's a two-way pager,
all right?
253
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,909
Okay. Then what's
the difference?
254
00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:15,878
The difference is
a computer is something
255
00:10:15,879 --> 00:10:17,313
that does actual work.
256
00:10:17,314 --> 00:10:20,282
Nigga technology don't do much
more than let dumb niggas
257
00:10:20,283 --> 00:10:21,751
talk to other dumb niggas
258
00:10:21,752 --> 00:10:23,986
about dumb-nigga shit.
259
00:10:23,987 --> 00:10:25,321
WOMAN:
She even smells good.
260
00:10:25,322 --> 00:10:27,791
RILEY:
Hey. I see Oprah.
261
00:10:29,526 --> 00:10:33,162
Okay, her security
just left her alone. Go.
262
00:10:33,163 --> 00:10:34,731
Let's roll.
263
00:10:34,732 --> 00:10:36,667
[MADVILLAIN'S "RAID LYRICS"
PLAYING]
264
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:40,703
? How Doom hold heat
And preach non-violence ?
265
00:10:40,704 --> 00:10:43,005
? Shh, he about to start
The speech, come on, silence ?
266
00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:45,174
? On one scary night
I saw the light ?
267
00:10:45,175 --> 00:10:46,642
Oh!
268
00:10:46,643 --> 00:10:48,511
? Heard a voice that sound
Like Barry White ?
269
00:10:48,512 --> 00:10:49,612
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
270
00:10:49,613 --> 00:10:50,580
Get down!
271
00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:52,348
RUMMY:
Everybody get down, now!
272
00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:53,582
? Fly a kite in a firefight ?
273
00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,450
? During tornado time
With no coat ?
274
00:10:55,451 --> 00:10:57,587
ED:
Where's Oprah?
275
00:10:57,588 --> 00:10:59,255
RUMMY:
Well? Where she at?
276
00:10:59,256 --> 00:11:02,057
ED:
Where's Oprah?
277
00:11:02,058 --> 00:11:04,293
RUMMY: I'm gonna start bustin'
some caps in some ass.
278
00:11:04,294 --> 00:11:06,228
ED:
Where's Oprah, punk?
279
00:11:06,229 --> 00:11:07,698
[WHIMPERS]
280
00:11:08,398 --> 00:11:09,831
Kee-yah, bitch!
281
00:11:09,832 --> 00:11:12,168
RUMMY: Don't look.
Just tell me where that bitch is!
282
00:11:12,169 --> 00:11:13,603
Somebody needs to tell me
283
00:11:13,604 --> 00:11:15,971
where Oprah is
on the count of three, or...
284
00:11:15,972 --> 00:11:19,676
Or- Or I'm gonna kill
the oldest bitch up in here!
285
00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:23,646
That's real fucked up, Agnes.
286
00:11:23,647 --> 00:11:25,247
ED:
I found her!
287
00:11:25,248 --> 00:11:26,982
No! Help me!
288
00:11:26,983 --> 00:11:28,118
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
289
00:11:29,386 --> 00:11:31,987
Body Snatcher Three
to Body Snatcher Two,
290
00:11:31,988 --> 00:11:32,922
where are you?
291
00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:34,122
We're in the bookstore.
292
00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:35,824
We're about to extract
the package.
293
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,093
RILEY:
What bookstore?
294
00:11:37,094 --> 00:11:39,662
The Borders next to Starbucks.
295
00:11:39,663 --> 00:11:41,631
No, it's the Barnes & Noble
296
00:11:41,632 --> 00:11:43,333
next to The Coffee Bean.
[GUNFIRE]
297
00:11:44,134 --> 00:11:45,734
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
298
00:11:45,735 --> 00:11:47,135
Kee-yah, bitch!
299
00:11:47,136 --> 00:11:49,105
? Uh, yeah, now ?
300
00:11:49,106 --> 00:11:51,907
? How Med hold heat
Like Clint East is reborn ?
301
00:11:51,908 --> 00:11:53,509
Rummy, wait!
302
00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:55,978
That's not Oprah! Hello?
303
00:11:55,979 --> 00:11:56,980
Damn it.
304
00:11:57,914 --> 00:11:59,315
RUMMY:
Body Snatcher Two
305
00:11:59,316 --> 00:12:00,949
to Body Snatcher Three,
you read me?
306
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:02,117
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
307
00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:04,086
Hey. Kick me again-
Oh! Goddamn it.
308
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:06,222
[BEEPS]
RUMMY: I'm gonna bust your ass.
309
00:12:06,223 --> 00:12:07,756
"Dear Ed...
310
00:12:07,757 --> 00:12:11,693
"that... is not... Oprah.
311
00:12:11,694 --> 00:12:12,829
Riley. "
312
00:12:12,830 --> 00:12:15,764
Yo, Rummy. Riley said
that ain't Oprah.
313
00:12:15,765 --> 00:12:17,800
What? Well, then
who the hell is she?
314
00:12:17,801 --> 00:12:19,101
Oh! Goddamn it!
315
00:12:19,102 --> 00:12:20,469
It's, uh,
316
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:23,005
"Maya... Angelou. "
317
00:12:23,006 --> 00:12:25,409
Maya "And I rise" Angelou?
318
00:12:26,476 --> 00:12:28,177
Mm-hm.
319
00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:29,646
[TIRES SCREECH]
320
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:31,681
[GRUNTS]
321
00:12:31,682 --> 00:12:35,285
[MUFFLED]
I am so mad at you. Hmph!
322
00:12:36,895 --> 00:12:38,497
MAN [OVER TV]:
This was the scene today
323
00:12:38,498 --> 00:12:40,298
at the Woodcrest
Borders bookstore,
324
00:12:40,299 --> 00:12:42,000
where two unknown assailants
325
00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:45,237
kidnapped Maya Angelou
during a book signing.
326
00:12:45,238 --> 00:12:46,771
It was all Rummy's fault!
327
00:12:46,772 --> 00:12:49,007
Ed ran into the wrong store.
I was followin' Ed.
328
00:12:49,008 --> 00:12:51,643
How was I supposed to know
which bookstore to go into?
329
00:12:51,644 --> 00:12:54,312
They look exactly the same,
and they both got books.
330
00:12:54,313 --> 00:12:57,015
There was a giant crowd
of people outside of one.
331
00:12:57,016 --> 00:12:58,617
That don't mean
Oprah was in there.
332
00:12:58,618 --> 00:13:01,953
There was a large sign outside
that said, "Welcome Oprah. "
333
00:13:01,954 --> 00:13:04,523
Y'all are lucky Ed's grandfather
owns the cops.
334
00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:07,258
Just what are you tryin'
to imply?
335
00:13:07,259 --> 00:13:09,427
Look, we escaped capture
336
00:13:09,428 --> 00:13:12,464
because of planning,
teamwork and execution.
337
00:13:12,465 --> 00:13:14,399
[?]
338
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,368
This officer wanted
to see you,
339
00:13:16,369 --> 00:13:18,337
Mr. Wuncler, sir.
340
00:13:19,239 --> 00:13:22,241
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Wuncler,
I-I just...
341
00:13:22,242 --> 00:13:24,910
Well, y- You dropped
this today at the bookstore
342
00:13:24,911 --> 00:13:27,346
during the- Y-you know.
The unpleasant, uh...
343
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:32,150
Th- Thank you, Mr. Wuncler,
sir. Thank you.
344
00:13:32,151 --> 00:13:34,086
Uh, I'm so sorry
to disturb you.
345
00:13:34,087 --> 00:13:35,687
I- I hope you're
not upset with me.
346
00:13:35,688 --> 00:13:37,556
Why don't we just get
Oprah tomorrow?
347
00:13:37,557 --> 00:13:39,391
Anybody know where
they're taping?
348
00:13:39,392 --> 00:13:42,895
Maybe we could
try and find out?
349
00:13:42,896 --> 00:13:44,763
I'm down with that.
350
00:13:44,764 --> 00:13:47,498
Oh. This is beautiful.
351
00:13:47,499 --> 00:13:49,600
It's like we back again.
352
00:13:49,601 --> 00:13:52,070
Hey, man, look, I'm sorry.
You know, uh,
353
00:13:52,071 --> 00:13:54,772
sometimes I just let my emotions
get the best of me.
354
00:13:54,773 --> 00:13:56,574
No, no, no, no, I understand.
355
00:13:56,575 --> 00:13:58,676
You passionate
about what you're doin'.
356
00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,379
I just wish you'd be a little
more sensitive to my feelings.
357
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:03,348
It was my fault, man.
358
00:14:03,349 --> 00:14:06,784
No, no, no, it was my fault
for grabbing...
359
00:14:06,785 --> 00:14:09,154
the poet triumvirate,
whatever her name...
360
00:14:09,155 --> 00:14:10,523
Maya- Maya.
361
00:14:14,961 --> 00:14:16,328
Y'all niggas are gay.
362
00:14:18,631 --> 00:14:20,599
Hey, why y'all
leave me out here?
363
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,100
One of y'all motherfuckers
364
00:14:22,101 --> 00:14:23,969
better come out here
and get me, I know that.
365
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:26,971
Or you will be living
in a haunted house tonight.
366
00:14:26,972 --> 00:14:28,307
Swim, bitch!
367
00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:31,276
Now, this is the studio where
they be taping the show.
368
00:14:31,277 --> 00:14:34,246
What we need to worry about is
Oprah's personal security team.
369
00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:36,181
Do we have any intel on that?
370
00:14:36,182 --> 00:14:37,982
Any what?
Intel.
371
00:14:37,983 --> 00:14:40,452
Intelligence, nigga.
Keep up.
372
00:14:40,453 --> 00:14:42,688
The bookstore security footage.
373
00:14:42,689 --> 00:14:44,889
Help!
374
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,958
[?]
375
00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:49,294
RUMMY:
Whoa. Bushido Brown.
376
00:14:49,295 --> 00:14:50,428
Aw, damn,
377
00:14:50,429 --> 00:14:51,763
I was afraid of this.
378
00:14:51,764 --> 00:14:53,065
Who's Bushido Brown?
379
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:56,400
A bona fide bad motherfucker,
that's who.
380
00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:58,302
You remember when Oprah
made them comments
381
00:14:58,303 --> 00:15:00,005
about the beef industry?
No.
382
00:15:00,006 --> 00:15:02,039
Okay. Well, a few years back,
383
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,908
Oprah said some shit
on her show about beef.
384
00:15:03,909 --> 00:15:05,777
You know, mad cow disease,
or some shit.
385
00:15:05,778 --> 00:15:09,481
Anyway, the beef industry didn't
exactly find that shit amusing.
386
00:15:09,482 --> 00:15:11,783
They thought they would send
a crew of armed Texans
387
00:15:11,784 --> 00:15:13,718
to go teach Oprah a lesson.
388
00:15:13,719 --> 00:15:14,720
[ALL JEERING]
389
00:15:14,721 --> 00:15:17,188
Ex-Marines, ex-Texas Rangers,
390
00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:18,657
rogues, that kind of shit.
391
00:15:18,658 --> 00:15:20,993
But Oprah hired Bushido Brown
392
00:15:20,994 --> 00:15:22,794
as her personal bodyguard.
393
00:15:22,795 --> 00:15:24,797
MAN: Come on.
Come on, Jay-Z.
394
00:15:30,003 --> 00:15:31,002
MAN 2:
We got him.
395
00:15:31,003 --> 00:15:32,037
[GRUNTING]
396
00:15:33,305 --> 00:15:34,539
RUMMY:
Apparently,
397
00:15:34,540 --> 00:15:36,608
only one dude was able
to actually lay a hand
398
00:15:36,609 --> 00:15:37,776
on Oprah's office door.
399
00:15:37,777 --> 00:15:39,177
Yahhh!
400
00:15:39,178 --> 00:15:40,411
They say...
401
00:15:40,412 --> 00:15:42,781
Bushido Brown kept that hand.
402
00:15:44,950 --> 00:15:46,718
I think I just shit myself.
403
00:15:46,719 --> 00:15:48,687
No, no.
404
00:15:48,688 --> 00:15:50,722
We can't just stroll up
in there
405
00:15:50,723 --> 00:15:52,924
if Bushido Brown is there.
406
00:15:52,925 --> 00:15:54,893
We need a plan.
407
00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:56,227
And, um...
408
00:15:56,228 --> 00:15:58,330
go change your pants.
409
00:15:58,331 --> 00:16:00,232
HUEY:
Pretty strange, huh?
410
00:16:00,233 --> 00:16:03,968
Armed gunmen assault
a bookstore
411
00:16:03,969 --> 00:16:06,371
to kidnap Maya Angelou.
412
00:16:06,372 --> 00:16:08,440
Hey, I heard she had enemies.
413
00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:11,409
Even stranger, Oprah Winfrey
414
00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:13,879
was right across the street
when it happened.
415
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,049
I don't know anything about
no plot to kidnap nobody.
416
00:16:17,050 --> 00:16:20,218
So Ed and Rummy do have
a plan to kidnap Oprah.
417
00:16:20,219 --> 00:16:22,622
["THUGGIN' LUV"
PLAYING IN CAR]
418
00:16:24,824 --> 00:16:26,191
[?]
419
00:16:36,336 --> 00:16:38,137
Damn.
420
00:16:46,479 --> 00:16:47,713
[BEEPS]
421
00:16:48,781 --> 00:16:51,783
HUEY:
I call it the Black Power Fist.
422
00:16:51,784 --> 00:16:54,853
The Black Power Fist
is actually a stun glove
423
00:16:54,854 --> 00:16:57,356
that I made with instructions
I found on the Internet.
424
00:16:57,357 --> 00:16:59,057
It delivers
thousands of volts
425
00:16:59,058 --> 00:17:01,259
of imperialism-stopping
electricity
426
00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:02,928
without the need
of superpowers
427
00:17:02,929 --> 00:17:04,763
or secret alien technology.
428
00:17:04,764 --> 00:17:07,932
And it's inexpensive enough
to fit well within
429
00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:10,903
even the most frugal
revolutionary's defense budget.
430
00:17:23,082 --> 00:17:25,784
Okay, so we're gonna enter
at the rear service entrance.
431
00:17:25,785 --> 00:17:28,119
They'd never expect us
to go through there,
432
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:29,521
because it's in back.
433
00:17:29,522 --> 00:17:31,956
Whoa. Hm.
434
00:17:31,957 --> 00:17:34,258
Didn't think
they'd put guards there.
435
00:17:34,259 --> 00:17:35,794
They really covered
their bases.
436
00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:38,329
So that's it?
That's the plan?
437
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,798
Now what?
438
00:17:39,799 --> 00:17:42,200
I didn't think they'd think
to put guards at the rear.
439
00:17:42,201 --> 00:17:43,802
That was a unknown unknown.
440
00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:47,705
It was a bad plan.
You plan things badly.
441
00:17:47,706 --> 00:17:49,175
Isn't this your brother?
442
00:17:49,976 --> 00:17:51,744
[?]
443
00:17:54,981 --> 00:17:56,180
What's he doin' here?
444
00:17:56,181 --> 00:17:58,015
He's tryin' to stop you.
445
00:17:58,016 --> 00:17:59,016
Really?
446
00:17:59,017 --> 00:18:00,986
Why? What we ever
do to him?
447
00:18:00,987 --> 00:18:02,755
Sound like a hater to me.
448
00:18:03,221 --> 00:18:04,589
Hello?
449
00:18:04,590 --> 00:18:07,925
Yes. There's a little boy coming
right now to hurt Oprah.
450
00:18:07,926 --> 00:18:11,296
He's got a big stupid afro
and a very poor disposition.
451
00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:13,231
He's on the east side
of the building.
452
00:18:13,232 --> 00:18:14,367
A'ight, peace.
453
00:18:16,836 --> 00:18:18,269
Okay, we're on the move.
454
00:18:18,270 --> 00:18:20,105
Let's go.
455
00:18:23,075 --> 00:18:25,743
All right, the game's up.
It's over.
456
00:18:25,744 --> 00:18:27,579
You're not going anywhere.
It's all right.
457
00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:30,182
[MADVILLAIN'S "ALL CAPS"
PLAYING]
458
00:18:31,784 --> 00:18:33,084
Oprah's in danger.
459
00:18:33,085 --> 00:18:35,286
Not while I'm here.
460
00:18:35,287 --> 00:18:37,055
I have to get into
that studio,
461
00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,857
even if it means
goin' through you.
462
00:18:38,858 --> 00:18:42,061
Man, you come straight
out of a comic strip.
463
00:18:47,099 --> 00:18:50,334
? So nasty that it's probably
Somewhat of a travesty ?
464
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:51,603
[GRUNTS]
465
00:18:51,604 --> 00:18:54,272
? You can call me
"Your Majesty" ?
466
00:18:54,273 --> 00:18:55,907
Uh!
467
00:18:55,908 --> 00:18:58,309
Hooo...
468
00:18:58,310 --> 00:18:59,311
ya!
469
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:01,380
All right.
WOMAN: No running in here.
470
00:19:02,081 --> 00:19:03,382
Aagh!
471
00:19:04,984 --> 00:19:07,719
? And you know I know
That's a bunch of snow ?
472
00:19:09,489 --> 00:19:11,356
Yaaa... hoo!
473
00:19:11,891 --> 00:19:13,391
[GUARDS YELL]
474
00:19:13,392 --> 00:19:14,960
GUARD:
Why me?
475
00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:16,795
? Sometimes he rhyme slow
And vice versa ?
476
00:19:16,796 --> 00:19:19,230
? Whip up a slice
Of nice verse pie ?
477
00:19:19,231 --> 00:19:20,199
[GROWLS]
478
00:19:21,066 --> 00:19:22,300
[GRUNTING]
479
00:19:22,301 --> 00:19:23,902
Huh?
[GASPS]
480
00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:28,339
Okay, Oprah's dressing room
should be up here
481
00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:29,575
and to the left.
Let's go.
482
00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:32,144
[BOTH GRUNTING]
483
00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:38,483
Aah!
484
00:19:39,417 --> 00:19:41,754
Ugh! Ugh! Wha-?
485
00:19:42,755 --> 00:19:44,622
[SCREAMING]
486
00:19:47,493 --> 00:19:48,827
Agh!
487
00:19:50,663 --> 00:19:52,496
[PHONE RINGING] Say what?
488
00:19:52,497 --> 00:19:53,832
Intruders in the studio?
489
00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:55,533
I am on my way.
490
00:19:55,534 --> 00:19:57,602
GUARD: Let's go.
GUARD 2: I'm comin'.
491
00:19:57,603 --> 00:19:59,604
ED:
Kee-yah, bitch!
492
00:20:00,638 --> 00:20:02,306
Pull up your pants,
493
00:20:02,307 --> 00:20:04,643
you little ghetto hooligan.
494
00:20:04,644 --> 00:20:06,645
Damn. Is that
who I think it is?
495
00:20:06,646 --> 00:20:10,582
This ain't Oprah.
It's Bill Cosby.
496
00:20:10,583 --> 00:20:12,317
I guess we were supposed to
take a left.
497
00:20:12,318 --> 00:20:14,085
COSBY: What's the matter with you?
498
00:20:14,086 --> 00:20:16,454
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
499
00:20:16,455 --> 00:20:17,822
Kicking in the doors
500
00:20:17,823 --> 00:20:20,325
with the big boots
and the guns.
501
00:20:20,326 --> 00:20:23,027
Damn, Rummy. I'm sick
of playing with y'all.
502
00:20:23,028 --> 00:20:24,829
Y'all two are pathetic.
[COSBY MUMBLING]
503
00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:27,399
Hey, in Iraq we was in
Special Ops.
504
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,201
Y'all niggas should have been
in the Special Olympics.
505
00:20:30,202 --> 00:20:31,503
I'm goin' home.
506
00:20:31,504 --> 00:20:35,039
Oh, come on, man. Look,
we'll kidnap Bill Cosby.
507
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,408
It'll still be fun.
508
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,342
Yeah, man, it's only 4:00.
509
00:20:38,343 --> 00:20:40,512
Come on. We can write
the ransom note together.
510
00:20:40,513 --> 00:20:43,682
I don't think so, guys.
I gotta get home for dinner.
511
00:20:43,683 --> 00:20:45,850
RILEY: Later. COSBY: ...
with their parents...
512
00:20:45,851 --> 00:20:47,518
Don't listen to him,
he's just a hater.
513
00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:48,919
You a good planner.
514
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,623
Look, you about to
kidnap Bill Cosby.
515
00:20:52,624 --> 00:20:54,325
How many motherfuckers
can say
516
00:20:54,326 --> 00:20:56,494
that they did some shit
like that, huh?
517
00:20:56,495 --> 00:20:59,597
You gotta start lookin'
at the bright side.
518
00:20:59,598 --> 00:21:02,066
Yeah. Sure
you're right.
519
00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,968
I am a pretty good
planner, huh?
520
00:21:03,969 --> 00:21:06,036
RILEY:
And y'all niggas are gay.
521
00:21:06,037 --> 00:21:08,873
COSBY:
-To the wall. I...
522
00:21:08,874 --> 00:21:11,042
You know, I just-
Oh, no.
523
00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:13,878
Man. This- This reminds me
of when I...
524
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:16,515
HUEY: Ed and Rummy
kidnapped Bill Cosby.
525
00:21:19,217 --> 00:21:20,251
[COSBY MUMBLING]
526
00:21:20,252 --> 00:21:21,652
But he was really annoying,
527
00:21:21,653 --> 00:21:23,855
so they returned him
to the studio 15 minutes later.
528
00:21:23,856 --> 00:21:26,290
COSBY: I'm upset with you
for comin' in here...
529
00:21:26,291 --> 00:21:29,727
HUEY: As usual, nobody even
thought about stopping them.
530
00:21:29,728 --> 00:21:31,429
What the fuck
y'all lookin' at?
531
00:21:31,430 --> 00:21:34,899
Riley had gotten away,
but returned
532
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,801
several hours later
when he realized
533
00:21:36,802 --> 00:21:39,237
he had dropped
his two-way pager.
534
00:21:42,908 --> 00:21:45,109
Okay, okay, okay.
535
00:21:45,110 --> 00:21:48,146
Let me explain.
536
00:21:48,147 --> 00:21:50,248
You must have lost your mind!
Ow! Oh! Ow!
537
00:21:50,249 --> 00:21:51,983
You do not-
Hey, man! Just let me- Ow!
538
00:21:51,984 --> 00:21:53,985
-kidnap Oprah!
539
00:21:53,986 --> 00:21:55,787
[?]
540
00:22:00,692 --> 00:22:02,628
[?]