1
00:00:00,930 --> 00:00:02,498
? I am the stone
The builder refused ?
2
00:00:02,499 --> 00:00:03,965
? I am the visual
The inspiration ?
3
00:00:03,966 --> 00:00:05,433
? That made lady
Sing the blues ?
4
00:00:05,434 --> 00:00:07,335
? I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ?
5
00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:08,937
? The same spark
That lights the dark ?
6
00:00:08,938 --> 00:00:10,939
? So that you can know
Your left from your right ?
7
00:00:10,940 --> 00:00:12,975
? I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ?
8
00:00:12,976 --> 00:00:14,509
? The inner glow
That lets you know ?
9
00:00:14,510 --> 00:00:15,611
? To call your brother sun ?
10
00:00:15,612 --> 00:00:16,912
? The story that just begun ?
11
00:00:16,913 --> 00:00:18,313
? The promise
Of what's to come ?
12
00:00:18,314 --> 00:00:19,480
? And I'm a remain a soldier ?
13
00:00:19,481 --> 00:00:21,416
? Till the war is won ?
14
00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:24,052
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
15
00:00:24,053 --> 00:00:26,722
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
16
00:00:26,723 --> 00:00:29,357
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
17
00:00:29,358 --> 00:00:30,460
? Chop, chop, chop ?
18
00:00:31,393 --> 00:00:32,461
MAN:
Okay.
19
00:00:32,462 --> 00:00:35,063
So tell us a little bit
about yourself.
20
00:00:36,512 --> 00:00:40,815
I'm the founder of 23 different
radical leftist organizations,
21
00:00:40,816 --> 00:00:43,952
including the Africans Fighting
Racism and Oppression,
22
00:00:43,953 --> 00:00:46,522
or AFRO, if you will,
23
00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:50,525
uh, the Black Revolutionary
Organization, or BRO,
24
00:00:50,526 --> 00:00:51,726
uh...
25
00:00:51,727 --> 00:00:52,861
Yeah, sure.
26
00:00:52,862 --> 00:00:53,928
People tell me.
27
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,563
I look like
Bill Cosby all the time...
28
00:00:55,564 --> 00:00:57,098
I mean, excuse me...
29
00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,034
Dr. Bill Cosby.
30
00:00:59,035 --> 00:01:01,803
Especially when I wear
these sunglasses.
31
00:01:01,804 --> 00:01:04,606
Yeah. Yeah,
my name is Riley, son.
32
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:05,907
But, you know, niggas call me
33
00:01:05,908 --> 00:01:08,276
a. K.a. Riley Escobar.
34
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,444
You know what I'm saying?
35
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,480
'Cause I be in the streets,
you know?
36
00:01:11,481 --> 00:01:14,449
I got all kinds of names,
like H.R. Paperstacks,
37
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:17,752
uh, also known as,
a. K.a. Horse Choker.
38
00:01:17,753 --> 00:01:18,954
Uh...
39
00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:22,590
And also the Black Revolutionary
Underground Heroes.
40
00:01:22,591 --> 00:01:23,892
MAN:
Um...
41
00:01:23,893 --> 00:01:24,927
BRUH?
42
00:01:24,928 --> 00:01:26,528
Yeah, BRUH.
43
00:01:26,529 --> 00:01:29,230
A.k. a. Pillsbury Doughboy.
44
00:01:29,231 --> 00:01:31,800
A.k. a. Louis Rich.
45
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,201
MAN:
Like the turkey bacon?
46
00:01:33,202 --> 00:01:35,370
Yeah, like the-
What?
47
00:01:35,371 --> 00:01:36,871
So like I was saying,
48
00:01:36,872 --> 00:01:38,706
I've always believed
that Cosbyness
49
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:40,876
is next to godliness.
50
00:01:40,877 --> 00:01:43,778
So my granddad's wearing
his Bill Cosby shades,
51
00:01:43,779 --> 00:01:46,547
and I'm like,
"This nigga look blind. "
52
00:01:46,548 --> 00:01:49,785
And then I thought,
"Boom, I got an idea.
53
00:01:49,786 --> 00:01:51,553
I know how we can get
this money. "
54
00:01:51,554 --> 00:01:53,021
And I made a tape.
55
00:01:53,022 --> 00:01:54,523
[BEEPS]
56
00:01:57,026 --> 00:02:00,195
Dear Xzibit,
my name is Riley Freeman.
57
00:02:00,196 --> 00:02:03,131
If my granddad
has one weakness,
58
00:02:03,132 --> 00:02:05,400
it's bitches.
59
00:02:05,401 --> 00:02:07,703
He's been a lonely man
60
00:02:07,704 --> 00:02:09,137
ever since he had
a bleach fight
61
00:02:09,138 --> 00:02:12,141
with his first wife
and went blind.
62
00:02:12,142 --> 00:02:15,710
[GROANING]
63
00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:18,713
All he's got in this world
is his car, Dorothy.
64
00:02:18,714 --> 00:02:20,181
The car's in pretty bad shape.
65
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:23,351
And everyone knows
that bitches don't really check
66
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:26,255
for niggas with beat-up cars.
67
00:02:26,256 --> 00:02:28,257
I'm Robert Freeman's driver.
68
00:02:28,258 --> 00:02:30,992
And I'm tired of driving
this piece-of-shit car he got.
69
00:02:30,993 --> 00:02:32,327
Give him somethin' better.
70
00:02:32,328 --> 00:02:34,595
But maybe if he had a nicer car,
71
00:02:34,596 --> 00:02:36,665
he might be able to get a date,
72
00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:38,833
and not have to pay for it.
73
00:02:38,834 --> 00:02:40,435
[SOBBING QUIETLY]
74
00:02:40,436 --> 00:02:42,203
Please, Xzibit.
75
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,539
Oh, hold up, hold up.
76
00:02:45,107 --> 00:02:46,407
[BEEPS]
77
00:02:46,408 --> 00:02:48,276
[SOBS]
78
00:02:48,277 --> 00:02:51,947
Please, Xzibit, pimp my ride.
79
00:02:51,948 --> 00:02:54,115
For my grandfather.
80
00:02:54,116 --> 00:02:55,449
For 9/11.
81
00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:57,719
[SOBS]
82
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,854
For America.
83
00:02:59,855 --> 00:03:02,624
What's up, y'all?
This X-to-the-Z, Xzibit,
84
00:03:02,625 --> 00:03:04,793
and we here at the house
of Riley Freeman.
85
00:03:04,794 --> 00:03:05,794
And we about to pimp
86
00:03:05,795 --> 00:03:07,930
his grandfather's car, Dorothy.
87
00:03:07,931 --> 00:03:11,599
As you can see,
Dorothy is way past her prime.
88
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,868
I mean, look at the paint job.
89
00:03:13,869 --> 00:03:16,404
This car look like
it need some lotion.
90
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,607
[RINGS DOORBELL]
91
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:22,077
Oh, snap.
It's Xzibit.
92
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:23,511
Yeah, nigga, yeah.
93
00:03:23,512 --> 00:03:24,612
What up, homey?
94
00:03:24,613 --> 00:03:26,281
I'm here to pimp your ride.
95
00:03:26,282 --> 00:03:28,150
GRANDDAD: Who the hell
is that at the door?
96
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,552
Shh.
97
00:03:30,553 --> 00:03:32,487
Come here. Hurry up.
98
00:03:32,488 --> 00:03:33,588
Stay down.
99
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:36,358
Yo. Why are we hiding?
100
00:03:36,359 --> 00:03:37,292
Are you kidding?
101
00:03:37,293 --> 00:03:38,626
If he comes out here
and finds
102
00:03:38,627 --> 00:03:40,261
his favorite rapper, Xzibit,
103
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,663
fixing to pimp his ride,
104
00:03:41,664 --> 00:03:42,965
he'll have a heart attack.
105
00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:44,065
For real?
106
00:03:44,066 --> 00:03:45,734
I'm his favorite rapper?
107
00:03:45,735 --> 00:03:47,635
Man loves your whole catalog.
108
00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:49,003
But now y'all gotta
get the hell
109
00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:50,772
up out of here
before he finds you.
110
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:53,475
And I want some,
uh, 23-inch rims,
111
00:03:53,476 --> 00:03:55,843
and, uh, uh-
And I want five televisions.
112
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:57,412
And I want a toilet seat
in the trunk.
113
00:03:57,413 --> 00:03:58,479
Hey, man, we just doing...
114
00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,581
Get the hell out of here!
115
00:03:59,582 --> 00:04:00,715
You ain't stealing
my-!
116
00:04:00,716 --> 00:04:01,950
Hey, man!
Hey, hold on! Hey!
117
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:03,818
Get out!
Stop, Granddad! Stop!
118
00:04:03,819 --> 00:04:04,819
[CAMERAMAN SCREAMING]
119
00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:05,820
Stop, Granddad!
120
00:04:05,821 --> 00:04:07,355
XZIBIT: Yo, just-!
Come on, man!
121
00:04:07,356 --> 00:04:09,291
[CAMERAMAN SCREAMING] Goddamn.
122
00:04:11,527 --> 00:04:13,061
[XZIBIT CHUCKLING]
123
00:04:13,062 --> 00:04:17,465
Dude, you got fucked up
by that old-ass man.
124
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,701
[?]
125
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,869
[SCREAMING]
126
00:04:20,870 --> 00:04:23,305
Oh, look at the wheels.
Oh, my God!
127
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,374
Oh, my goodness.
128
00:04:25,375 --> 00:04:28,943
See, you too could have
a TV in the steering wheel.
129
00:04:28,944 --> 00:04:31,312
Boy, Dorothy isn't just a car.
130
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,249
I've loved and cared
for that vehicle for 30 years.
131
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:35,717
You think I'm let
some damn rapper
132
00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:37,719
put a goldfish
in the dashboard?
133
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,488
Ho's love goldfish, Granddad.
134
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,490
You two need your own sitcom.
135
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:45,560
All you gotta do is get
on TV with a sob story,
136
00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:47,295
and people give you
free stuff.
137
00:04:47,296 --> 00:04:48,897
I still ain't gonna lie
to nobody.
138
00:04:48,898 --> 00:04:50,966
If there's one thing
that I can't stand,
139
00:04:50,967 --> 00:04:52,100
it's lying.
140
00:04:52,101 --> 00:04:53,568
I'm a Christian man.
141
00:04:53,569 --> 00:04:54,802
You ain't gots to lie.
142
00:04:54,803 --> 00:04:57,105
I'll lie.
Just play along.
143
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,473
They gonna fix my transmission?
144
00:04:59,474 --> 00:05:01,477
[?]
145
00:05:04,747 --> 00:05:05,847
Gentlemen,
146
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,784
I'm sorry
about the misunderstanding.
147
00:05:09,719 --> 00:05:11,952
And, now,
w-w-where's that boy?
148
00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:14,189
What's his name?
Inhibit?
149
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,291
The whole catalog, huh?
150
00:05:18,828 --> 00:05:21,330
GRANDDAD: Now, y'all gonna
fix my transmission, right?
151
00:05:27,637 --> 00:05:30,071
The tooth fairy
will be coming soon.
152
00:05:30,072 --> 00:05:32,006
The tooth fairy?
Yep.
153
00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:33,507
Every time I lose a tooth,
154
00:05:33,508 --> 00:05:35,209
the tooth fairy takes it away
155
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,279
and leaves a dollar
under my pillow.
156
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,048
There ain't no such thing
as the tooth fairy.
157
00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:41,549
Then who's leaving the money?
158
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:42,984
Probably your parents.
159
00:05:42,985 --> 00:05:45,921
They have both the cash
and the access to your room.
160
00:05:45,922 --> 00:05:47,522
Why would they lie to me?
161
00:05:47,523 --> 00:05:49,357
Because the truth hurts,
Jazmine.
162
00:05:49,358 --> 00:05:51,493
The world is a hard
and lonely place,
163
00:05:51,494 --> 00:05:54,062
and nobody gets anything
for free.
164
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:55,697
And you wanna know what else?
165
00:05:55,698 --> 00:05:59,601
One day, you and everyone
you know is gonna die.
166
00:05:59,602 --> 00:06:01,736
[?]
167
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:02,872
[SOBBING]
168
00:06:09,044 --> 00:06:10,811
MAN:
You enjoy
169
00:06:10,812 --> 00:06:12,781
abusing people's illusions.
170
00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:14,916
I respect that.
171
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:17,520
It's thankless work.
172
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,489
Do you like my sunglasses?
173
00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:23,290
I wear sunglasses
because my idol, Dr. Bill Cosby,
174
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:25,760
wears sunglasses all the time.
175
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:26,995
And you know what they say:
176
00:06:26,996 --> 00:06:29,097
"Cosbyness is
next to godliness. "
177
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:30,165
Who are you?
178
00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:31,699
Nobody, really.
179
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,168
Just thought you might
wanna talk
180
00:06:33,169 --> 00:06:35,204
to someone who understands.
181
00:06:36,071 --> 00:06:37,672
You don't know me.
182
00:06:37,673 --> 00:06:40,909
I know you better
than you think, Huey Freeman.
183
00:06:40,910 --> 00:06:42,945
[?]
184
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:50,485
GRANDDAD: It's not that I
don't believe you, Huey.
185
00:06:50,486 --> 00:06:51,753
It's that I don't believe you,
186
00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:54,155
and I'm not interested.
187
00:06:54,156 --> 00:06:55,657
But, Granddad,
I am being followed
188
00:06:55,658 --> 00:06:57,192
by a secret government agent.
189
00:06:57,193 --> 00:06:59,294
Ain't nobody following you.
190
00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:01,295
You just want attention.
191
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:03,665
I bet Xzibit's gonna put, like,
192
00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:06,201
30-inch rims
on the car.
193
00:07:06,202 --> 00:07:08,036
Thirty inches?
194
00:07:08,037 --> 00:07:09,370
Is that big?
195
00:07:09,371 --> 00:07:11,573
He knew stuff about us,
like...
196
00:07:11,574 --> 00:07:14,542
Like- Like the stupid
Bill Cosby sunglasses thing.
197
00:07:14,543 --> 00:07:16,377
Well, these stupid sunglasses
198
00:07:16,378 --> 00:07:18,146
got us a new car.
199
00:07:18,147 --> 00:07:21,582
So you say the car stops
and the wheels keep spinning?
200
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:23,017
That's amazing.
201
00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:26,021
All I'm saying is, when Xzibit
brings that car back,
202
00:07:26,022 --> 00:07:27,689
you gonna be bitches.
203
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:29,090
What did you call me?
204
00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:31,359
No, no. I mean,
bitches, like...
205
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,528
Like you gonna have
so many bitches,
206
00:07:33,529 --> 00:07:36,063
that's what niggas
is gonna call you.
207
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,532
No disrespect.
208
00:07:37,533 --> 00:07:39,033
No disrespect?
209
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:41,002
You just called
your grandfather "bitches. "
210
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:44,438
Yeah, but I don't mean "bitches"
in a disrespectful way.
211
00:07:44,439 --> 00:07:46,908
I mean it as
a general word for women.
212
00:07:46,909 --> 00:07:48,810
And you gonna let him
get away with that?
213
00:07:48,811 --> 00:07:50,311
It's okay...
just this once.
214
00:07:50,312 --> 00:07:51,879
Granddad, I'm just saying...
215
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,781
you might have to change
your middle name
216
00:07:53,782 --> 00:07:56,150
from Jebediah to Bitches.
217
00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:58,686
It's all I'm trying to say.
No disrespect.
218
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,488
Hm. Granddad Bitches Freeman.
219
00:08:01,489 --> 00:08:02,791
Hoo.
220
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:03,892
Got a nice ring to it.
221
00:08:03,893 --> 00:08:04,959
Shh.
222
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,228
[WHISPERS] Did you hear that?
223
00:08:06,229 --> 00:08:07,762
What? What is it?
224
00:08:07,763 --> 00:08:09,163
I don't hear anything.
225
00:08:09,164 --> 00:08:10,798
Shh. It's Huey's
226
00:08:10,799 --> 00:08:12,900
make-believe
government agent.
227
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:15,503
In our bathroom,
taking a dump.
228
00:08:15,504 --> 00:08:16,505
[GRUNTS]
229
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,908
This nigga
got imaginary friends.
230
00:08:19,909 --> 00:08:21,443
[DOORBELL RINGS]
231
00:08:23,145 --> 00:08:24,480
Man.
232
00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:31,286
Good morning, Freeman family.
233
00:08:31,287 --> 00:08:32,720
What in the hell?
234
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,089
Mr. Freeman,
I know you can't see us
235
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:36,424
because you're blind,
236
00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:38,726
but we're from
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
237
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:41,629
And we're gonna build
a new wing onto your house.
238
00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:42,697
Brought to you by Sears.
239
00:08:42,698 --> 00:08:43,798
MAN:
Cut.
240
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:45,233
Okay, let's do it again,
people.
241
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,302
And get a reverse angle
from inside the house.
242
00:08:47,303 --> 00:08:48,970
[MURMURING]
243
00:08:48,971 --> 00:08:50,772
WOMAN: Come on.
The cameras are rolling,
244
00:08:50,773 --> 00:08:52,040
so everyone should smile.
245
00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:57,802
WOMAN: Okay, guys, out with
the old, in with the new.
246
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:58,836
Let's go.
247
00:08:58,837 --> 00:09:00,739
Granddad, you do realize
248
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,841
these people are gonna
destroy the house, right?
249
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:06,078
They gonna make the house,
like, five times bigger.
250
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,612
More room for bitches.
251
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:08,646
What's the catch?
252
00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,149
Just keep pretending you blind.
253
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,883
That's it?
That's it.
254
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,051
Oh, and, um...
255
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,152
I, uh, might have...
256
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,620
I maybe, uh,
might have told 'em
257
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:16,655
you was running
258
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,323
a homeless shelter
out of here.
259
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,826
WOMAN: We have to work together.
We're running out of time.
260
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,260
I had to tell 'em somethin'.
261
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:24,463
WOMAN: Watch your b-
People, that's not...
262
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:27,599
It's not like we don't have
a big-ass house already.
263
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,836
Don't trip. We'll just find
some people to act homeless.
264
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,472
By the way, I told 'em
to put in a grotto.
265
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:34,473
A grotto?
266
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,541
Yeah. Like
Hugh Hefner got.
267
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,910
Nobody got bitches
like Hugh Hefner, right?
268
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:39,945
[CHUCKLES]
269
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,513
You ain't never lied
about that.
270
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,081
[CHUCKLES]
271
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,182
[?]
272
00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,386
Whee! I'm pretty!
[ALL GIGGLING]
273
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,689
GIRL: You are too much.
GIRL 2: Funny.
274
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,190
[GIRLS GIGGLE]
275
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:53,626
Yeah, just call me Big Daddy.
276
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,793
You know, that's what the girls
call me, Big Daddy.
277
00:09:55,794 --> 00:09:56,961
Thank you.
That's great.
278
00:09:56,962 --> 00:09:57,998
Big Daddy.
279
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:00,732
GRANDDAD:
Yeah. Mm.
280
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:01,867
Bacon?
281
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,236
Don't mind if I do.
[GIGGLES]
282
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,138
Naked cutie-pie.
283
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,472
[GIRL GIGGLES]
284
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:08,840
GRANDDAD:
And then I said:
285
00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:11,809
"Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
Thank you. "
286
00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:15,080
Mr. Freeman, you have
an amazing grotto.
287
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:18,216
Please, Mr. Hefner,
call me Bitches.
288
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,685
WOMAN:
Okay, Mr. Bitches...
289
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,219
Uh...
290
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,388
The homeless people
are needed in Makeup.
291
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,389
Huh?
292
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,790
The homeless people.
293
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,792
This is a homeless shelter,
right?
294
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,061
We assumed there'd be
homeless people.
295
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:31,663
Uh...
If they was here
296
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:32,664
all the time,
297
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:33,798
they wouldn't be homeless,
298
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:34,800
would they?
299
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,635
It's a shelter, not a prison.
[HUFFS]
300
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,703
Beat it.
301
00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,304
Little bastard.
302
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,240
Uh, excuse me... Bitches?
303
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,209
Uh, I've actually seen
this show.
304
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:46,077
They're gonna
demolish the house.
305
00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:48,013
Hello?
Do you hear me?
306
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,748
Come on. Let's find
some homeless people.
307
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,316
WOMAN:
Don't worry about pillows.
308
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,051
He's fucking blind, okay?
309
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,020
[?]
310
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,427
Go away. Beat it.
311
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,095
Shoo.
312
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,595
Hey, there, Huey.
313
00:11:04,596 --> 00:11:08,067
I found this little
"homeless" girl.
314
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,135
And I know how
your grandfather loves
315
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,104
to take care
of homeless people.
316
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,906
What the hell
are you doing here?
317
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,540
Your brother called.
318
00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:17,443
Said if I bring Jazmine over,
319
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,111
I could sing on the show.
320
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,046
Hi, I'm Tom.
321
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:22,414
I live across the street.
322
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,450
I'm a lawyer by day, but...
323
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,884
Whoa. Whoa,
up here.
324
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,385
Ha-ha,
there you go.
325
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,354
So... like I was saying,
326
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,090
my true passion is singing.
327
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:35,427
? A heart is a house?
328
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,429
? Of love?
329
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,963
WOMAN: You know,
I've really had it
330
00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:40,532
with this faggot designer
over here
331
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,800
who's trying to make pillows.
332
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,402
Okay, let's just leave
everything...
333
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,270
MAN:
I tell you what...
334
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,973
If your granddad
has one weakness...
335
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,341
it's bitches.
336
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:50,976
Of course,
they're my weakness too.
337
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,711
What do you want with me?
338
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,412
It's complicated, Huey.
339
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:55,947
Uh...
340
00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:58,484
I'm a secret agent sent
to spy on you.
341
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,387
Okay. Maybe it's not
that complicated.
342
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,656
WOMAN: If this house
is not done in...
343
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,024
Do spies normally
introduce themselves
344
00:12:07,025 --> 00:12:08,694
to people they spy on?
345
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:10,662
What spy school
did you go to?
346
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:14,166
Ah. I'm too old
to be sneaking around.
347
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,335
Excuse us.
Coming through.
348
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,570
What if I tell someone
right now?
349
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,072
You tried that earlier,
in the kitchen, remember?
350
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:22,473
By the way,
351
00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:24,609
I wasn't really
in the bathroom taking a dump,
352
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:25,610
but, man...
353
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:27,912
[CHUCKLES]
354
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,382
Oh, that brother of yours
is a hoot.
355
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,217
And your grandfather...
356
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,153
Those two need
their own sitcom.
357
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,587
Leave me alone.
358
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,888
Look...
359
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,257
just because my job is
to watch your every move
360
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,059
and eavesdrop
on every telephone call,
361
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,761
and monitor
your every e-mail,
362
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,599
doesn't mean
we can't be friends.
363
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,136
Excuse me.
364
00:12:52,137 --> 00:12:54,339
Did you notice me talking
to someone a second ago
365
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,441
right here, dressed like y'all?
366
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,009
Wasn't really lookin'.
Sorry.
367
00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:01,346
MAN: Where are we puttin'
the fried chicken dispenser?
368
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,781
I mean, everything we see is
a false reality.
369
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:06,518
It's like Big Brother,
The Matrix,
370
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,119
whatever you wanna call it.
371
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,588
While we're watching each other,
372
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,956
they're watching us.
373
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,391
All the time.
374
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,658
Some of you may be wondering
375
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:15,660
why we're renovating
the Freeman house
376
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,361
when it's already so big.
377
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:20,899
Well, it turns out that Robert
Freeman, who is blind,
378
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,401
has run a homeless shelter
379
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,503
out of his house for years.
380
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,838
Yes, sir, I been living
with the Freemans
381
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,372
for three months now.
382
00:13:28,373 --> 00:13:31,744
They the cleanest colored folks
you ever did see.
383
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,113
Mm, my mother, um...
384
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,717
used crack?
385
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:41,720
She used crack,
she left me in a dumpster.
386
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,722
And you should give Riley
a movie theater.
387
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:44,957
[GIGGLES]
388
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,860
Excuse me,
Mr. Bitches.
389
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,096
We have some release
paperwork for you to sign.
390
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:53,432
Hold on.
Let me read it first.
391
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,600
[GASPS]
392
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,168
[LAUGHS]
393
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,435
Yeah, good one.
Good one.
394
00:13:57,436 --> 00:13:58,370
Now,
395
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,838
just sign here.
396
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,772
And there.
397
00:14:01,773 --> 00:14:02,774
Great.
398
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,609
Ha-ha-ha, excellent,
excellent.
399
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,944
Thanks. Word.
400
00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,178
Whoa.
Whoa.
401
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,781
MAN:
Wow. Whoo.
402
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:12,852
JAZMINE:
Hi, Huey.
403
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,653
What's the matter?
404
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:17,455
You wouldn't understand.
405
00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:19,424
I'm being shadowed
by a secret agent.
406
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,693
Really? Who?
407
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,861
Where is he?
408
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,595
I don't know.
409
00:14:24,596 --> 00:14:25,997
Kinda just pops up
out of nowhere
410
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,699
and then disappears.
411
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,401
You mean,
like the tooth fairy?
412
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,502
No, I don't mean
413
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,970
like the tooth fairy.
414
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,072
Sounds like
the tooth fairy to me.
415
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,573
You can believe
in secret agents,
416
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:37,542
and I can't believe
in the tooth fairy?
417
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,010
That's messed up, Huey.
418
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,313
Go eat something
out of a dumpster,
419
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,547
you street urchin.
420
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,749
[?]
421
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,817
WOMAN:
It doesn't have to last!
422
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:46,818
Don't use nails then!
423
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,787
Use glue! I don't care!
424
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,287
[RAP MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
425
00:14:50,288 --> 00:14:53,292
WOMAN: Just get it done!
We are running out of time.
426
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,495
HUEY: What the-?
This is some bullshit.
427
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,796
Man.
428
00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:00,666
Oh!
What-?
429
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,501
Man, what's-? Ugh.
430
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,435
What-?
Ugh.
431
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,571
I should never have let you
talk me into this.
432
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,807
First, you let Noxema
take my car away.
433
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,875
Now these white people
are destroying my house.
434
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,811
[CRASH, MAN SCREAMS]
435
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,314
Granddad, all we gotta do
is keep up the act.
436
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,515
We gonna have a new car
and a new...
437
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:18,883
house.
438
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:21,753
All because we didn't
listen to Huey.
439
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,455
MAN: Excuse me, uh, Mr.
Bitches.
440
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,657
I think your car
just showed up.
441
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,192
[IN UNISON] Dorothy.
442
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,194
XZIBIT:
When we first saw Dorothy,
443
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:31,429
the only thing that worked
was the off switch.
444
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,265
That car was so old
it ran on unleaded coal.
445
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,168
But take a look
at the new Dorothy.
446
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,003
[?]
447
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:40,172
Yo, man!
Oh, my Lord, have mercy!
448
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,607
Check it out. Look at the rim.
I can't believe it.
449
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,943
Look at the paint job.
Oh, that's my color too.
450
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,845
Oh, give me a hug.
Man, Grandpa bad too.
451
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:50,481
Huey gotta ride in the back.
Look at that. No, no, no, no.
452
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:53,051
GRANDDAD: Look at the seats.
Pimping, pimping hot.
453
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,520
Oh, I'm gonna start pimping.
I'm gonna do something.
454
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,522
I'm gonna do something.
Oh, look at them seats.
455
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,724
Oh, I can't wait to get me
a little cutie-pie in here.
456
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,592
Oh, my Lord, have mercy.
Oh, skanks!
457
00:16:01,593 --> 00:16:03,095
I can't believe it.
They're bad!
458
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,228
Dorothy! Dorothy!
Whoa!
459
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,631
You're so beautiful.
All right, all right.
460
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:10,068
Granddad, Granddad,
let's roll out right now.
461
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,337
MAN: Hey, I don't know
what the hell is going on?
462
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:15,006
GRANDDAD: What's making
the rims keep spinning?
463
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:18,076
[WHISPERS] Granddad, you're
supposed to be blind.
464
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,477
Oh, yeah.
MAN: Shit, man.
465
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:20,512
MAN 2:
What the hell?
466
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,581
He's not blind.
467
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:23,882
[WORKERS CHATTERING]
468
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,082
I was like,
469
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:28,053
"Man, Granddad done fucked it up
for everybody. "
470
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,755
Oh, shit. Is he gonna
hear me say fuck?
471
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:32,657
Yeah, I messed it up.
472
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,459
Teach that boy a lesson.
473
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:37,595
Trying to rip off the TV show.
474
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:39,398
What I know about acting blind?
475
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,166
Ah, man.
476
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,067
This is like
when Rerun got caught
477
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,902
bootlegging
the Doobie Brothers concert
478
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,271
on What's Happening!
479
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,273
Oh, yeah. Isn't that the one
where he's dancing
480
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:49,641
and that big-ass
tape recorder
481
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,909
falls out of his coat?
Yeah.
482
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,612
? Bum-tum-bum
Bum-bum?
483
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:57,715
? I can see clearly now
The rain has gone?
484
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:59,584
? Bum-tum-bum
Bum-bum?
485
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:00,919
? Bum-tum-bum
Bum-bum?
486
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:06,258
? I can see all obstacles
In my way-?
487
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,460
[DOG BARKS]
488
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,461
MAN: I love that song.
MAN 2: Is he gay?
489
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:12,096
MAN 3:
I don't know what the hell...
490
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,466
MAN 4: What the hell's
going on with this guy?
491
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,067
MAN 5:
This is getting way too weird.
492
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:18,169
GRANDDAD: Gentlemen, don't leave.
Gentlemen.
493
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:19,404
Come on, what about my house?
494
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,605
It's not my fault.
The boy...
495
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,340
I shouldn't have
listened to the boy...
496
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:25,677
I knew that nigga wasn't blind
the whole time.
497
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,079
This soup tastes
like horse piss.
498
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,648
GRANDDAD:
Hey, wait a minute.
499
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,249
[?]
500
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,052
Pff! I can't believe
you're not blind, man.
501
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,720
Not Dorothy.
502
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:36,720
Please!
503
00:17:36,721 --> 00:17:38,790
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKER]
504
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,658
You did this to me.
Riley, this your fault.
505
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:42,994
Dorothy!
Don't go, Dorothy!
506
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,163
MAN: Don't forget to get
the watermelon patch.
507
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:46,597
GRANDDAD:
Please listen to me.
508
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,768
Somebody listen to me
before I kick your ass...
509
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:54,807
[DOORBELL RINGS]
510
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,411
Yo, anybody home?
511
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,112
You know you can see us.
512
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,948
Fellas, we thought
about it, and...
513
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,517
Well, here's
your car back, man.
514
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,584
Thank you.
515
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,687
Thank you, Eczema.
Thank you.
516
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:11,422
Yeah. We kinda felt bad
for you guys.
517
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:14,526
Besides, our lawyers told us
we couldn't keep the car.
518
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,028
Good-looking, my nigga.
My man, Ex-convict.
519
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,929
I always said you were
my favorite rapper.
520
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:20,532
I messes with Xzibit.
521
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,900
We'll just charge y'all
for all the work we did on it:
522
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:26,838
$35,423.08.
523
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,006
[?]
524
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,241
You Indian-giving-ass nigga.
I hate you rappers,
525
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:31,509
with your bebop, bebop.
526
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:33,512
Why don't you exit
out of my face, Exhibition.
527
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,213
I do not mess with Xzibit.
528
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:36,381
Bastard.
529
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,383
All right, here's
the invoice.
530
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,718
And take your time with that.
531
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:41,953
Looks like money gonna be
532
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,421
tight around here
for a minute.
533
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,124
[LAUGHS]
534
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,061
She does look nice.
535
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,563
All things considered,
536
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,332
I say we came out ahead.
537
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:55,835
[GROWLING]
538
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:57,535
Uh-oh.
539
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:58,537
Come here!
540
00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:01,172
[?]
541
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:06,177
I've come up
with a name for you:
542
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:08,046
The White Shadow.
543
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,180
Hm.
544
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:12,283
I'm white, I'm shadowing you.
545
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:13,718
It's very clever.
546
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,453
And I've decided
that you're a figment
547
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,056
of my overactive imagination.
548
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,058
Now who's hiding
from reality?
549
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,059
Just because
you're paranoid, Huey,
550
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:24,162
doesn't mean
we're not out to get you.
551
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,896
If you are real,
552
00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:27,332
why me?
553
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:30,268
Oh, come on.
554
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,704
You underestimate yourself.
555
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,874
It's a shame what happened
to the house.
556
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,941
You warned them.
557
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:38,442
They wouldn't listen to me.
558
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,211
They never listen to me.
559
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:42,547
I know you wanna save
the world, Huey,
560
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:44,282
but sometimes people have
561
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,750
to learn lessons
on their own.
562
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,786
The hard way.
563
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,922
Well, can't miss the Idol.
564
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:53,591
If you ever wanna talk,
remember...
565
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:55,660
I'm always listening.
566
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:57,596
? Da-da
Da-da-da-da...?
567
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:05,136
HUEY [NARRATING]:
Obi-Wan Kenobi said:
568
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:08,072
"Your eyes can deceive you.
Don't trust them. "
569
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:11,609
It seems to be getting harder
distinguishing reality
570
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:14,045
from the illusions
people make for us.
571
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,714
Or from the ones
we make for ourselves.
572
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,284
I don't know.
Maybe that's part of the plan:
573
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:22,187
To make me think I'm crazy.
574
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,293
It's working.
575
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,329
Anybody wanna drink
out the fridge?
576
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,031
Or an espresso?
577
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,835
RILEY: Good night, Granddad.
578
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,504
I'll good your night.
579
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,005
Good night, Huey.
580
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:42,607
Good night, Riley.
581
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:45,877
RILEY: Good night, Huey's
imaginary secret-agent friend.
582
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:48,145
[SNICKERS]
583
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:50,915
Granddad,
Huey's imaginary friend
584
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,017
tried to touch me
in a private place.
585
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:54,218
[LAUGHS]
586
00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:55,521
[HUEY SIGHS]
587
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,759
[?]