- Good morning.
Er... my name is Lt. James Ron Dangle of the Reno Sheriff's Department.
A statement that I made on what was-- What's called a hot microphone...
This has gone around on social media and in the fake new media...
and it sounds like I refer to the Reno City Council as the "Klan."
Er... and I said...
"I would no sooner shake hands with most of the Reno City Council
as I would with the Klan."
Now, I think, anyone who knows me knows...
full well...
when I say that that I was referring to RZA,
GZA, Ghostface Killah...
Old Dirty Bastard aka Big Baby Jesus...
I meant the Wu-Tang Clan--
The wonderful, precious, precious Wu-Tang Clan.
So if I ever said, "Oh, the Reno City Council is the 'clan'"...
That's gotta be... that's gotta be seen as a positive.
Good morning. I know 3:05 a.m. is very early to start these
so I appreciate everybody being on time.
But I thought we should just start like we always do
since the federal government is here.
I pledge allegiance like we do Right.
- I don't remember the tune.
- Fuck it. Here's the guy.
- So we're here to talk about camera awareness training.
The do's and don'ts on how to be the best cops you can be.
All right? So I'm gonna throw a series of scenarios at you,
and I want you to respond how you normally would.
What we're about to do is a bit of a role-play, yes?
- Don't do it. - Do it.
- You are the baby's mother. - Ugh!
- Must be adopted.
- Well, I don't know nothing about birthing no babies.
- - That's a good one, right? Yeah?
Now I ain't gonna be-- You-- Keep crying.
Keep crying and see what you get!
- Huh? - That was good.
- Okay. Just hold on to that baby for now, okay?
Now I need somebody else to try to take the baby from the mom.
- Me! Me! Me! - Get it! Get it!
- Grab that baby. - Now we're getting somewhere.
- Here's the thing. Yeah.
- Babies are not as fragile as everybody thinks they are.
All right? I know this for a fact.
- It's got my nip, it's got my nip--
Get it, get it.
She's got it.
- This is what I call "chucking the baby to safety."
Punch her in the neck! - Get it!
You should have caught it.
It's not breathing but it's safer there than it is with her.
- All I wanted is my baby back!
- Am I right or am I right?
All right. Come on.
- Okay, we did it. Can we go home now? - That was a trick question.
Because you may never take a child from their own mother!
- "Don't toss a baby from its mother. No Instagramming."
Why am I doing this?
- Hello, Officers. -Oh! Jackpot!
- I... Hi.
- You okay? - Hey!
Hi. How you -doing? -Hi.
I got a call for an audition for a commercial.
and I get to this house.
And this guy is like, "I need to see you eat this banana...
Like, real slow."
- Oh, wow! - Oh, wow, that's...
- So I eat the banana, and he, like, hands me this swim suit.
He's like, "Now put on a swim suit."
And then he hands me a bottle of a baby oil?
- Oh!
- Yeah. And he's like, "Can you rub it all over yourself?
And he wanted me to get in a tub with him!
Mmm-hmm. - Oh!
- He was wearing underwear and it was uncomfortable.
So I just snapped. And I was like, "What kind of audition is this?"
And I just pushed him, you know, really hard...
And he fell.
You know, there's a little bit of blood coming out from his ears. So...
I think he might be dead.
- Okay, well... - Okay. Yeah. It sounds like...
It sounds like-- - We'll take care of it.
- Thank you, ma'am. - Bye.
- We forgot to take notes. She--
- I went on that same fucking audition.
The whole bathtub, banana thing, I didn't get it.
Obviously, they went in another direction.
It's white privilege. All the time. - Oh, I hear you.
- Okay. So, I think we all want to thank... what's his face.
And I would like to say right now...
if somebody on an open microphone called you "Dinky Farrakhan,"
and if somebody wrote on your car...
- It was you.
- "...Mexican Farrakhan by any beans necessary"...
that was not... I don't know who did that.
- Can you write the word "beans" on this board for me, please?
- Sure.
I don't know. Case closed. - No, no, no, come here. Beans, "beans."
"B-E-A-N-S." - That's be--
- That should be an "A."
I'm 100% sure it's you
but I just need to know if you know how to spell the word "beans."
A...
- Now you offended him.
Thanks a lot. - Wow!
- Well, it's going to be a fun office party.
And everyone's gonna get a huge kick out of my Michael Jackson costume.
Now... just a little blackface to make it perfecto.
Flag on the play!
Blackface was a great tradition in America,
but the last time it was done legally was when Billy Crystal was alive.
And blackface is a big no go in the county of Washoe.
- But how will folks know I'm supposed to be Michael Jackson?
- They won't.
Because you can't do blackface, man.
Just... just remember the flowchart.
- What If I'm going to a political rally and I want to look like Barack Obama?
- Does it involve putting shoe polish on your face to make it brown?
- Yes. And a tan suit.
- Then it's a firm no.
- You just kept my night from being, as Michael Jackson would say...
Bad!