1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:01,960 [radio chatter] 2 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,294 - JIM: Good morning! - ALL: Morning. 3 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:09,384 - "When you don't want to have that sports equipment all of the time, 4 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:13,638 the Sports Porcupine has plenty of quills on which to hang it. 5 00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:19,102 Leave your sports storage and sports memorabilia 6 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,604 to Sportsupine, the Sports Porcupine." 7 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:26,359 - What are they gonna-- - If you have so much sports memorabilia-- 8 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,652 - That you don't want it at home for a reason... 9 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,070 - That's right. 10 00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,447 - CHERISHA: But you don't wanna get rid of it. 11 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,823 - [stutters] Uh, guys, can I tell you something? 12 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,117 [radio chatter] 13 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:37,328 When they subsidized us with these new technology companies, 14 00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:39,998 we're not getting the pick of the litter. 15 00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:42,959 - No. - "Sports Porcupine?" 16 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:45,462 Laundry Maniac? Travis is right. 17 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,422 That Laundry Maniac guy is indicted. - [stutters] That guy. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. 18 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,340 - CLEMENTINE: Wow. - Damn. 19 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,801 - I'm a little disappointed in the state of Nevada 20 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,887 for giving away these business licenses. 21 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,221 - All right. All right. - JIM: By the way-- 22 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,265 - What is it... What... What did they reject? 23 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,642 - JIM: Yeah. I know. And I say, like, 24 00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:02,312 hey, guys, please don't make me mention Sticky Dicks, 25 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,355 uh, the dating service for guys 26 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,691 who don't wanna remember anything tomorrow. 27 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,611 I don't feel like we should be even associated with that website. 28 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:12,572 [police siren honking] 29 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,200 - BAKER: Get out! No, I... - GARY: You get out! 30 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,743 - There's nobody to... - No, you need to love... 31 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,036 [Jim whistling] 32 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,830 - Sheriff's Department. Gary? Gary, what now? 33 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:24,626 What now? - This is unacceptable behavior. 34 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,919 - Settle down. 35 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,462 - I saw a story on the news... - Uh-huh. 36 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,464 - ...where this heathen 37 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,633 is making gay wedding cakes! - JIM: [exclaims] 38 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:35,136 - Gay! That is a disgrace before God. 39 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:38,348 Two fellows with their boners, getting all close to each other! 40 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,391 - Is this what-- You're upset about this? - GARY: Yeah. 41 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,560 - Oh, you should come for a weekend with me. 42 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,022 If you're worried about this, Gary, you gotta... Forget it, man. 43 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:48,817 - If you make this cake, what other kind of cakes are you gonna make? 44 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,736 - I'll make whatever cake somebody asks me to make! 45 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,072 - GARY: Okay. - I've made bachelorette cakes! 46 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,199 - She makes amazing bachelorette cakes. - JIM: She makes dirty cakes. 47 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:59,202 She makes some good dirty cakes. - Yeah, what she does with coconut hair. 48 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,829 - You just do what people ask you! - CLEMENTINE: Yeah. 49 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,080 - I would like a cake... - I make cakes. 50 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,208 - ...of Hillary Clinton taking a shit on the Constitution. 51 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,293 - JIM: Uh... Uh... Okay. - I can do that. 52 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:09,504 - Really? Great. - Yeah. 53 00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:11,673 - I would love to see this. - I can do Raisinets for poops. 54 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:12,799 - On the tier above it... - CLEMENTINE: That's amazing. 55 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,884 ...I would love it, there to be some sort of, like, 56 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:19,389 hell pit where George Soros kind of looms out of his Jew lair 57 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,225 and he's just like, "I'm taking over!" 58 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,519 - What if she's pooping on your precious Second Amendment? 59 00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,938 - Oh, there it is! There it is! - She wants to take your guns away. 60 00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:29,065 - I can do whatever! - Now we've got a theme. 61 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:31,526 - JIM: Now we have a theme! - GARY: And it's charming. 62 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:34,195 That's what a cake should be, it should be charming. 63 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:38,199 - How about she has, um, Obama's fake birth certificate that she's about to... 64 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:41,828 - Yeah! Haha. Ooh! [exclaims] - ...wipe her creamy ass with that! 65 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,746 - I wouldn't do that. - JIM: Okay. 66 00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,332 So he's got long form birth certificate? Was that ever found? 67 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,169 - I don't have one here but... - Oh, no, it will never be found. 68 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,880 - Okay, okay, so that's legit, that's a goof on a goof but down here, 69 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,799 could it be the lopped off heads of the fake news media? 70 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,051 - Stop it! I... - Oh! 71 00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:00,013 Oh, my God, I'm like this right now! 72 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:04,309 - Is there a way we can show that NASA is making everybody Muslim? 73 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,228 - As a sheet cake and I feel like the way that you get that across on a sheet cake 74 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:11,149 is you say, "NASA's making everybody Muslims." 75 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,151 Just, like, just say it. - Oh. Just say it. 76 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,445 I like the simplicity of that. - Yeah. 77 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,281 It shows Hillary, she's pooping on the precious Second Amendment, 78 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,034 she's also selling off little babies 79 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,119 for sexual torture. And then we got-- - CLEMENTINE: Right, right. 80 00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:26,331 - And then we just talk about the flavors of the layers. 81 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:30,335 - And then could we get just, like, a bunch of little cupcakes on the side? 82 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:32,045 - Oh, that's fun. - Yeah and they-- 83 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,796 - You see, thinking about presentation, you have to. 84 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,465 - Yeah, yeah. - And they could spell out something like 85 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,051 either Epstein didn't kill himself or-- 86 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,928 - I'd love to get this by Sunday so I can bring it to church. 87 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,434 - TRUDY: Hey, Jeffy! - Hey, is that... 88 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,312 Is that Katherine Heigl? 89 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:52,440 - [laughs] I don't know who that is. How are you? 90 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,359 - She's a motion picture star from the past. 91 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,443 - Oh. - She's having a real rough go of it. 92 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,697 - I can't thank you enough for helping me put together that book case. 93 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,326 - Stop it, it was nothing. A book case, a smook case. 94 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:07,497 - Now I have another favor to ask you. - [chuckles] What's that? 95 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:12,126 - I bought a gazebo kit. Yeah. 96 00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:13,962 - Is this the one you were telling me about? 97 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,672 - Yeah. It's the best one you can buy. - You pulled the trigger. 98 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:16,881 - It's all plastic. -Yeah. 99 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,592 - It's got about 1,200 screws and no directions. 100 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,803 - Can I give a belated yes? - Absolutely. 101 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,221 You can get back to me on that. 102 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,431 Fax me later. - Fax... 103 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,642 - [stutters] That's like the kids say today, fax me later! 104 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,937 - Fax me later. Send it to my people. I'm too busy for that. 105 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,438 - I've got people for my people. 106 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,357 [laughs] Oh! 107 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,317 - You are... And you probably hear it all the time, 108 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,735 you're the funniest person I've ever met. 109 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,781 - I do... I hear that a lot. - Yeah. 110 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:44,284 The only person who ever made me laugh growing up... 111 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,743 - Yeah. - ...was... 112 00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:46,327 - Gallagher. 113 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,748 I've been saving up for seven years 114 00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:53,835 to get front row, under that piece of plastic, 115 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,004 watermelon in my face. 116 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,965 - And see, that's the difference between us. You're an intellectual. 117 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,509 - Don't sell yourself short. - Well... 118 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,387 - I went through the seventh grade so I have quite a bit of knowledge. 119 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:11,102 Hey, Jeffy, I'm sorry to bother you. - What? Anything. 120 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,395 - We're having a big debate in here... - [chuckles] Of course. 121 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,813 - ...everybody's arguing 122 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,024 and we decided that you could be the deciding answer for us. 123 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,109 What's seven times four? 124 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,155 - Uh, twenty-eight on a good day, maybe every day. 125 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,200 - Shit. Thanks, Jeffy. - What did they say? 126 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:29,203 [radio chatter] 127 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,371 Seven, fourteen, fourteen... 128 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:31,914 It's 28. 129 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,127 - [alarm rings] - Hello, it's Deputy, 130 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,254 uh... deputies of color 131 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:42,633 with a 411 on having fun in the summer sun in Washoe County. 132 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:46,179 - There's a couple of do's and oh, no, no, no 133 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,555 for the young people of color. 134 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:52,810 - White folks love to call the cops when young black folks are having fun... 135 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:56,105 - And you'll say, but DOCs, 136 00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:59,150 we're just kids using the pool in the common area 137 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,277 of an apartment complex. 138 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,780 - Are there also white people in that apartment complex? 139 00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,574 'Cause if they see you swimming, 140 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:09,202 these white folks will lose their goddamn minds. 141 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,372 - Because white people aren't just crazy, 142 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,499 they're white people crazy! - they're white people crazy! 143 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,459 - Look for telltale signs of cop calling whites... 144 00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,170 Jimmy Buffet shirts. 145 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:24,175 - Also, a white and any kind of a t-shirt with a skeleton on it. 146 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,927 Look out! 147 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,179 - Does this white look like they got their haircut at home? 148 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,472 - Look out! 149 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,974 - These types of whites have itchy 911 fingers. 150 00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,017 - Look out! 151 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:37,438 - So remember, C, T, C, F. 152 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:40,066 Call the cops first and tell them 153 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,194 that there's a crazy white person lurking around. 154 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:46,948 - Because when we show up, there probably will be. 155 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,074 [funky music playing]