- REVEREND: Shall we pray?
Oh, Lord, Jesus, God.
As, as Barbara said in Corinthians 16:12,
"Come onst to me, Jesus. But not in the eye."
I love you, Lord Jesus.
I ask you to give these fine officers of the law...
an open mind, Lord, so they can
see the light in the pitch which I'm about to bestow onto them.
Amen. - Amen.
- OK. - Amen.
- Um... So everybody remembers the Reverend Gigg LeCarp?
I should have introduced him, that was just weird.
- REVEREND: Now, God has asked me to bring to Reno...
- JIM: Mmm-hmm.
- ...a Christian water park! Hallelujah!
- RAINEESHA: [mimics explosion] - JIM: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah!
- We could have a ten-story high water-slide.
- JIM: [gasps] - All right? And we'll call it...
"Beelzebub's Water-fall From Grace."
- JIM: [exclaims] Oh! - ALL: [laughing, exclaiming]
- REVEREND: The kids will love it.
- Petting zoo. Two by two in the petting zoo.
- There you go. - Yeah! Two by two in the petting zoo.
- Oh, and then you can have an area where you can pit--
For a dollar, you can get a stone and throw it at people.
- Oh, this is all good! And for the adults, late at night,
when the kids go to bed, it could be a heavy petting zoo.
- What was that thing where that man made all them people drink that Kool-Aid?
Huh?
And then people laid down on the ground-- - I believe his name was Jim Jefferies.
Remember when Jim Jefferies got all those people--
- JONES: Yeah, so that's... - TRAVIS: Ned, the Jello shots.
-RAINEESHA: You're sure it was Jim Jefferies?
- You know how I know? Because I signed up to go there and they left without me.
- Hey, Gigg.
What is the swimsuit policy at the whole park?
- Adam and Eve it!
- Boom. That's exactly what I was getting at.
- Adam and Eve, Garden of Eden.
- A nude Christian water park? Now you're talking!
- Just to keep it exciting, once you're there,
once a day, sirens go off,
and it's like, plague, plague-- And then...
wave pool and some people don't make it out.
- Oh, I love that. - So, you don't know--
- I love that, and the floating around--
- I feel like that and the Kool-Aid idea, are an insurance...
- That's just dead bodies.
- Can we have a rib place? To get barbecue ribs, but it's all like Adam,
and all the waiters that have t-shirts with a hole in it--
- REVEREND: With a hole in it, bloody blood, kind of, blood...
- And then hookers could wash your feet. - JIM: Yeah.
- REVEREND: I like that idea. - This gets better and better.
- Can I say one thing that's weird?
The only thing that Reno has already four of
are places where hookers wash your feet. - Hookers wash your feet.
- That's true. That's true. - Yeah.
- REVEREND: See I was thinking and I truly believe...
- OK. Yeah. - ...since God wants this to happen,
that if we all work together,
we work together... - Uh-huh. OK.
- ...we could raise enough money, to make this a reality.
- JIM: Right? That make sense? - By doing what?
- We, we... - Yes?
- ...have a retirement plan. - OK.
- And lately it's been getting its ass kicked.
I'm saying if we all agreed
to collectively...
put our retirement money into something that seems like an amazing idea--
- This seems like a no-brainer. - Seems like a no-brainer.
- JONES: This is better. - No-brainer.
- TRUDY: I didn't even know I had any. - JIM: No-brainer, no-brainer.
- If you lose the money gambling,
the best thing to do is keep gambling. - TRUDY: Double down.
- You'd be guaranteed a percentage. - A percentage?
- I'm listening. - It would go like this.
- Wow. - Go up like that.
- Yeah, like a... pyramid.
- If you in, raise your hands.
- I'll hand you my social security right now.
- I say fuck that, I'm gonna give you my whole house right now.
All of it. - I love it.
- Sheriff's department. - WOMAN 1: He was absolutely...
I feel sad for you. You can't let your son actually fail in something.
- Hey, hey, hey. Inside, boys. - I'm sad for you. They have to step in,
and try to disagree with him... - Time out.
- ...with the umpire. - TRAVIS: All right, everybody calm down.
- JIM: Who had the last-- - Your son clearly was out.
- Do you know how crazy you look right now?
- Oh, I look crazy? - Yes.
- Oh, you wanna see me get crazy?
- ALL: [exclaiming]
- Well, I guess we all have the potential for crazy.
- OK. Ahh!
- Your kid is bad at baseball. Just admit it.
- Now you've done it. - All right, that's it. OK. All right.
Put it down. You put it down. - JIM: Everybody calm down.
- Calm down. - WOMAN 1: You put it down.
- Calm down, everybody. - WOMAN 2: Oh, you got two?
I got two, too. - Are we doing this?
- We can do that. - We are not doing this.
- All right, everybody calm down.
- OK. - Everybody's got a permit, right?
- Of course. - Oh, yes.
- WOMAN 2: Not irresponsible. - WOMAN 1: Yeah.
- Let's see 'em. - Permit?
- Left titty, man. It's right there.
- No. Good. Good. He's good.
- All right, everybody's good. - It's a very old picture, ma'am.
- All right, but it's still good.
- No, I didn't say it wasn't good. I just said it was an old picture.
- OK. Thank you. - OK, so everybody's good.
Let's just take a big cleansing breath, OK?
- All right. - ALL: [inhaling deeply]
- Out through the mouth.
- ALL: [exhaling]
- And one more time in through the nose.
- ALL: [inhaling deeply]
- And a dragon breath, where you put the tongue out and go like...
- ALL: [exhaling] Ahh!
- Fifteen second arm rest? - Yes, please.
- Oh, my God, yeah, thank you. - My back hurts.
- Oh, my God, and my-- Burning.
- It's like the blood just... - Yeah.
- My forearms are burning.
- OK. And in three... two and, we're good. - All right.
- Back up there. Back up there. Yeah. - We good?
[meowing on the phone]
♪
- [knocking on door over the phone] - Fuck!
[clattering] - MAN: Ow!
- BOTH: [beatboxing]
♪ Jim Dangle Jim Dangle ♪
♪ If you're coming to Nevada To see the Silver State ♪
♪ Remember weed is legal And smoking it feels great ♪
♪ If you're gonna have some fun Like Bob Marley when he wailed ♪
♪ But here's a couple of pointers To keep from getting jailed ♪
[continue beatboxing]
♪ You must be 21 One ounce is fine ♪
♪ More than eights of concentrate You'll be doing time ♪
[continue beatboxing]
♪ You can have pot in your car If it's sealed in a container ♪
♪ But don't smoke in a casino 'Cause that part's a no-brainer ♪
[beatboxing]
♪ So come see the Silver State ♪
♪ We've got the things That you've been missing ♪
♪ And you don't need any paperwork Unless you're going fishing ♪
[beatboxing]
- Seriously, don't fish without a license. Visit Nevada State Department of Wildlife
at www.ndow.com for your mandatory fishing permit.
- And don't fucking do it.