1 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:05,463 - So this is our first time participating in Frown Upside Down initiative 2 00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:08,717 where we give out movie tickets instead of, uh, speeding tickets. 3 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,844 - This one's a good one, too. I think it's, uh... it's like JLo. 4 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,639 And it's about, like, two of the emojis, I can't remember which ones. 5 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,266 Maybe the poop one-- 6 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,643 - I know that, uh, Peter Dinklage plays a Japanese guy in it. 7 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,562 - She-- And she looks great, that JLo. 8 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:21,980 - Yeah. - She's like 75 now. 9 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:22,981 But she looks fantastic. 10 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,192 - Hello! How are you today? - Good morning, Officers. 11 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,029 - It's just-- Admit one. - Hold on. 12 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,572 Hold on, hold on, hold on. Uh... - Thank you. 13 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,782 - Hey, do me a favor, buddy. 14 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,493 'Cause I want nothing more than for you to walk away with that movie ticket, 15 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,829 but you gotta explain this to me satisfactorily. 16 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,083 Watch it! Fuck! - Aah! Fuck! Jesus Christ! 17 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,586 - Son of a-- Oh, he got 'em. 18 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,588 - Get in, get in, get in. - He's got the tickets! 19 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,548 No, he doesn't get the tickets. Let's go! - No way. No way. 20 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:49,674 - We're getting the tickets back. 21 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,721 Good morning. Good morning. 22 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,808 - Can anybody understand the... the loudspeaker voice? 23 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:00,935 - Uh-uh. 24 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,437 - Well, 'cause they're trying out a new person. 25 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,230 - Oh! 26 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,485 - You know what it is, Jim? It's not the system. 27 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,153 I got a look at her. Oh! 28 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,529 - She got one of those-- Oh, harelip. 29 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,406 - Cleft palate. Harelip. Harelip. 30 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,159 Oh. But a lot of-- Hey! A lot of super, super successful people have harelip. 31 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,619 Super successful. - Like who? 32 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,162 - Uh... - Uh... 33 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,789 - Bugs Bunny. Well... 34 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,082 - Is there-- What are we, in Hmm? 35 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:22,832 - ..."harelip" is what you say? 36 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,250 Yeah! 37 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,754 Uh... Garcia asked to make an announcement. 38 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,131 - I have, uh, been summoned 39 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,342 by the US Department of Justice Immigration and Customs Enforcement. 40 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,593 - Okay. 41 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,429 - Uh, apparently, um... - Mm. 42 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,556 - I was born outside the great walls of this country. 43 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,683 - Ooh! - Oh. 44 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:44,270 I have been informed I am an alien, uh... 45 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:47,690 present in the United States who has not been admitted or paroled. 46 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:50,652 Salsipuedes is where they tracked my... my family. 47 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,237 - I don't know, is that a-- Salsipuedes. 48 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,822 It's near Rosarito apparently. - Oh. Oh. 49 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:54,697 Other side. - Oh. Oh. 50 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:55,990 Other side. 51 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,700 - You're one of the most fanatical Americans I know. 52 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,745 - This is why it hurts so much. Right. 53 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,580 So you gotta go live in one of them cages? 54 00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,833 - As of now, I'm gonna self-deport. 55 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,543 - Be careful. 56 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,670 'Cause I think they're caging the ones that turn themselves in, too. 57 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,047 You'll get caged for sure. Unless, yeah. 58 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,050 - Listen, I've been put in a cage before. It's not as bad as it sounds. 59 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,223 - There's a passenger dressed inappropriately. 60 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,474 The entire plane is offended. - Okay. 61 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,143 - If you could, just-- Please. 62 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,979 - Male? Female? Do we-- - Oh, okay. 63 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,772 Well, I'm sure it'll be obvious. - We'll figure it out. 64 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,691 Sheriff's Department. 65 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,943 - Nothing to be alarmed about, folks. It's just a routine check. 66 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:32,944 - Need your full co-operation. 67 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,408 Okay. Kimball? Um... - Oh, okay. 68 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,451 How are you today, ma'am? - Do you mind standing up for us, ma'am? 69 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:42,162 - And good for you? 70 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,538 A buckled safety belt. Good for you. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 71 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,373 - Okay. 72 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,208 - Good. Thank you so much. Excellent. - Thank you. Thank you so much. 73 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,793 - Hey, silver... silver dress. Can you-- 74 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,629 Would you mind just standing up for us quickly? Yeah. 75 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:57,635 Wow! That's-- - I would... I would hit that. 76 00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,512 - She's got a cute figure. - And I've never said that about a woman. 77 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,181 - She's got a cute figure. - No one would complain about that, right? 78 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,557 - No. No. - Okay. Um... 79 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,561 What have we here. 80 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,688 Ugh! Like, it almost looks like maybe they just fell. 81 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:09,397 - Okay. 82 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,691 - This is-- - Hello, sunshine. 83 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,322 - Did I see you in a revue on Tuesday night? 84 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,866 Yes-- I knew... 85 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,619 - Those tights are fantastic! - That's fantastic. 86 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,370 - I really enjoy that. 87 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,539 - You know, peop... people used to get dressed up on flights all the time. 88 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,416 Not anymore. But that-- Thank you, ma'am. 89 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:31,711 - I don't see anyone getting agitated over that. 90 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,422 Kimball? Found it, found it. Found it... right here. 91 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,842 That is disgusting. 92 00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,719 Please get up. 93 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:43,223 Take your dirty, dirty titty... and get off this plane. 94 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,724 - You're serious? - No more. 95 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,018 We're sorry. Take it up with the airline. 96 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,102 Somebody send them videos. 97 00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,062 - You should all ask for credit. 98 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,190 - Bonus miles. 99 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:59,280 - Don't-- No, don't-- Don't film me. I'm on a no-fly list. 100 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,036 - Well, I mean, he's gonna stick out like a sore thumb. 101 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,913 He can't even speak Spanish. 102 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,916 - He's the whitest person I've ever met. - He's-- Yeah, he-- 103 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,793 - And I'm the great-grandson of Dutch puppeteers, think about that. 104 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,628 - And you get two beers into him 105 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,588 and he starts going off about how much he hates beaners. 106 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,881 He does not like them. Oh. 107 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,092 By the way, there are fantastic beaners out there. 108 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,385 - I-- I agree. - Name two. 109 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,011 - Guillermo del Toro. - One. 110 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,930 - Mm-hmm. - Antonio Banderas. 111 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,473 - Spain. Yeah. 112 00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,058 - George Lopez! - From California. 113 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,603 - Uh, Señor Wences. 114 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,982 - Wasn't Señor Wences, uh, Ed Sullivan's hand? 115 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:37,318 - Well, I think if we cared at all about that little weirdo... 116 00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,820 - We should kill him now so that-- 117 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:39,946 - No. No! 118 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,531 - Okay. I don't know. I thought-- 119 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,658 No, if we cared at all about that little weirdo Garcia... 120 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,243 - Mm-hmm. 121 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,870 - ...somebody would marry him. 122 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,247 - Not me. Not it! 123 00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:50,665 - Fuck! 124 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:55,962 All right, let's do it! Come on! - Pulled my hamstring! 125 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,297 Oh, my hamstring! Aah. - You look great. 126 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:57,964 Where's Dangle? Where's Dangle? 127 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,425 - Dangle's not coming. He got flat. 128 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,011 Not it! 129 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,221 - Shit. 130 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,057 Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no! 131 00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:09,309 Hey, hey, hey! 132 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,227 Hey! No, no. It's 4:59. 133 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,604 - We need you to do a thing. - What? Uh, no. We're closed. 134 00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:14,939 No. No, no. Come on! 135 00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,482 - Just a teeny ceremony. Really fast. - What? 136 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,359 - Really quick! Just real quick. 137 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,861 - Look here, I'm an old man, all right? Who's getting married? 138 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,238 - We're-- - Uh, us. 139 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,824 - Let me make one thing clear, I don't approve of no bullshit weddings 140 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,492 just to keep illegals in this country. 141 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:27,744 - No, sir. - All right? 142 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,662 - That's not what this is. No, no, no, no, no! 143 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,622 They've known each other for decades! - You should see it, 144 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:32,457 they, like, hang out and everything. - Okay. Okay, 145 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,000 so here's what we're gonna do. 146 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,794 I want to hear some honest, heartfelt, heartwarming vows. 147 00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,338 Mm-hmm. 148 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,090 They better be straight from the heart and sincere as shit. 149 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,967 - All right... - Or I'm not pronouncing you married. 150 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,053 - Oh, okay. 151 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:47,680 Uh... 152 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,895 I've to say that, uh, love has been playing three-card Monte with my heart... 153 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:55,521 for most of my life. 154 00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,233 I tried to find out where it could be. 155 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:03,529 And I think I found my King of Spades. 156 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,158 Right here, in front of me. 157 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:10,787 The man I've shared many of a life-threatening situations with... 158 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:15,583 you know, I... I don't think I can find a better partner in my job 159 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,293 and a better partner in my life than... 160 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,796 than this man right here. 161 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,173 I'd really like it, Sisyphus Cosman Jones... 162 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:27,887 if you would be my partner in life? 163 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,433 - I do. 164 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,103 How was that, black judge? 165 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,188 That was beautiful. 166 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:40,316 - I pronounce you married. Go with God. 167 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,527 I... I got to get out here. - All right. 168 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,404 - Thank you so much. You won't regret it. - Thank you. Thank you so much. 169 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,408 You did it. He did it. 170 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,368 - Ready? Hey! 171 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,412 - Aah, aah, aah. Aah! - Hey. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa-ho. 172 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,746 - I got it! - Fucking bitch! 173 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:57,834 Give it to me! Give it to me! Oh! Oh! 174 00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,460 That's mine! 175 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,045 It's my turn! - Oh, shit! 176 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,088 It's my turn! - Her bone is showing. 177 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:11,180 - This says more "bathroom" than it does "bedroom" to me. 178 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,307 Do you agree? Or do you want the bathroom to match the bedroom? 179 00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,393 - Hang on-- I... I can't. I can't look at any more-- 180 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,936 - Okay. - I can't look at any more swatches, okay?