- Sir? Yeah.
- When we... when we go, this isn't "live" live?
- Oh, it's "live" live. - It is "live" live.
- Oh, it's absolutely live.
- So it's nationa-- Nation-wide? - Yeah.
- Nation-wide, coast-to-coast. - Nation-wide.
- Satellite? - Yeah, we're just waiting for a minute.
- That's fun. Hey, great. - Got a little thing in the studio.
- And then you go right to me. - Right to you.
You ready? - That's great, because I'm 100% ready.
- Hundred percent. Thanks, Trudy. - You can do it, Jim.
In five, four, three--
Hold!
All right, we need a minute, we need a minute.
- Now you just told me y'all were ready. - Are you talking to me?
- You're talking to me? - No, hold on.
- We're not on yet?
- No, no, we got issues in New York. There's a pet adoption going on.
- Oh, fun. - One of the puppies fell asleep.
- Oh, cute. Devastating brush fire--
- You ready? Okay. - Yes. No.
- You all right? - I'll throw it up. Back in a second.
Do you need me to hold back your hair?
Yeah, no! I'm okay.
Okay... Just a little barf... I'm good.
- Okay. All right, they're ready for us. All right, here we go.
- This time in the... - Five...
- This time in the Truckee Pass-- - ...four, three...
- The I-80 is closed. - ...three...
- A brush fire has closed both directions. - ...two--
- At this time-- - No, no, no, no, no.
- You got this. - Right, just one minute, there.
- A devastating brush fire. - You got this, this is easy.
Stay ready. Stay loose. -
Just take a breath. Take a breath.
- Is daddy's little sippy cup around?
I feel good, I feel good. - Yeah, you're nailing it.
- "A devastating brush fire has closed I-80 in both directions."
- A devastating brush fire has closed I-80 in both dimensions.
They're ready for us.
All right. - Can I get one of the blue ones?
The problem is that I'm up, so now I need four.
- Yeah. No, don't take-- Don't do four. - I'm gonna take four.
In five, four, three, two...
- Thank you, New York.
We're live in Reno, Nevada, Washoe County.
The "Silver State," very near the Truckee Pass...
where right now, a devastating munch fire
has closed everything I ate, in all of the dimensions.
I'm the kitty cat from Alice in Wonderland...
and I'll see you on the other side.
All right, we're out.
- I liked that one.
I liked that one a lot.
Good morning, gang. Good morning.
By a show of hands...
who thinks Trudy has something in her belly button right now?
- I smell it.
- Well, joke's on you because it's a PEZ.
Can I check it?
- Uh... It is a PEZ. - How is the joke's on us?
- How is the joke on us? Yeah.
- Uh, because you made it like,
"Oh, there probably is something in there."
Well, I got there ahead of you, thinking ahead of you,
and I specifically put a PEZ in my belly button
before I came to work today--
And the whole month before that, just in case you did say that.
So I have had a sweaty PEZ
in my belly button for the last month-and-a-half.
So jokes on you. Touché
In your faces. All of your faces.
In your face, especially.
Right in your big, fat face.
- What a burn!
Yeah, it was a pretty sick burn.
From Carson, I don't know who did this, we're all--
Everybody's supposed to get the new, uh... gender...
er... pronoun tags are here.
- We have to pick a new--
- I don't know what the pol-- If you have to or if you're allowed to.
- Zer, zim, ze... Zer.
- Can we put it anywhere? 'Cause I want mine, like, low.
- Well, I feel if its down there they know your gender, probably.
- Do I put this above or below my big old dick?
- Ew! We're eating donuts, you pig.
- Jesus! I dare you.
That's hate speech.
- How...
All right. Anyway, you don't... Uh...
At some point, please pick a gender.
He's taking money out of the hate speech jar!
- They're allowed. They actually are allowed to.
- Yeah, that's... tha's-- - It's called "reparation."
- Yeah, they're allowed to.
You guys remember -how it goes? -Yeah.
Okay. Let's rehearse it one time. - Bring it.
♪ That little time birthday spooks are gonna ♪
♪ Poop your plans We're gonna make you scream ♪
♪ When we do our spooky dance ♪
- ♪ That little time... ♪ - Okay.
Right.
- You ready?
♪ Happy Birthday-- ♪
Get outta here! Out! Out! Out! Come on!
Get outta here!
That's right! You'd better run, you sons of bitches!
Damn... Right.
It's like the best birthday I ever had.
- Hey. - Hey. Morning, Jeff.
- How's it going, boss?
- Hey, this is weird... but have you seen my gun?
I... I had it when I left the house, I had it.
And I know I had it at the coffee place.
'Cause at the coffee place, I always, like...
I like to do the thing where I stir the coffee with my gun.
- Sure. I'm not a good multitasker-- - They think it's hilarious.
And then, when I leave it at the coffee place, they tell me.
And then I act like, "Hey, that was a joke.
I left that there--" So... - Right. Right.
I gotta say, I was in the evidence room...
and there was, like, a state-issued gun that didn't look like a street gun.
- Oh, you're the best! Super Jeff! - That sound familiar?
- Super Jeff! - Let's see your ID.
- I just walked out of there, Jeff.
- Hey, Nevada teenager.
I see you're proudly celebrating the Second Amendment
and our state's freewheeling open carry laws.
- You bet, Boomer.
I can open carry this bad boy right here, weapon.
- You're probably thinking I'm going to harsh your mellow
by telling you to be responsible
with that war weapon you have zero training for.
- Yeah, Boomer, you're probably gonna say, "Nevada, rolled over to the snowflakes,"
and take away a bunch of my rights.
- Nope, not at all. - Seriously?
- Yep, look it up. And, no, you don't need a permit like you would for fishing.
- Oh, okay. Well, thanks, Boomer.
I'm off to enjoy Nevada and see the Hoover Dam.
- Flag on the play!
You cannot under any circumstances open carry at the Hoover Dam.
So don't make a...
...big dam mistake.
- www.visitnevada.org.