1 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:01,793 - [radio chatter] - So, 2 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,045 we give a lot of tickets for people doing stuff... 3 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:06,006 like jerking off in public 4 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,966 and things you shouldn't really do. - JONES: [chuckles] 5 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,468 - So today we thought we'd do a new program that we call 6 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,513 "Operation Frown Upside Down." - "Frown Upside Down." 7 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,432 - We were going to do that together but... - Yeah, that's fine. 8 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,767 - We are gonna give this man a ticket... 9 00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,186 but a ticket to, uh... 10 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,939 a movie! - A movie! [laughs] 11 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,233 - It's called Book Club Bandit$. 12 00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:28,528 And get this, the "S" is a dollar sign. 13 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,447 - And, uh, it's staring, um, 14 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,157 uh, Jennifer Lopez... - Jennifer Lopez. 15 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:35,577 - ...and Awkwafina who I absolutely love. 16 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,412 - Watch us blow this guy's mind. - [laughs] 17 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,872 - Sheriff's Department. 18 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:39,831 - MAN: Back away from my car! 19 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,166 [gunshots] 20 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,917 - JONES: Holy shit! 21 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,294 [gunshots continue] 22 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:47,380 - Sir, I'm trying to give you free popcorn, you motherfucker! 23 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,594 - [gate closes] - [man groans] 24 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,095 [radio chatter] 25 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,517 - [radio chatter] - [gate shuts] 26 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:00,185 - Oh. 27 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,938 - Good morning, Prince Charming. 28 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,359 You remember why we pulled you in here? 29 00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:11,196 - You wanna remind me, blue eyes? 30 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:14,616 - You, uh, you flunked a field sobriety test and we impounded your Harley. 31 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,618 - Oh, shit. 32 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,036 Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 33 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,123 - Are you really a cop, 34 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,250 or are you a movie star 35 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,669 doing research to play a cop? - [sighs] 36 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:29,964 - [laughs] - [laughs] 37 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:33,134 - Yeah, uh, listen, there's no need to flirt with me, all right? 38 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,303 Even though, you... you do tick off about... 39 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,222 [gate closes] 40 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:40,642 three of the boxes of the... the type of guy I like. 41 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:43,812 - If I could do magic, I'd put you and me in a genie bottle, 42 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,690 cast us off to sea... - CLEMENTINE: Oh! 43 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:50,777 - ...and have us wash up in Los Cabos... 44 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,947 mid-December... 45 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:57,784 - BOTH: ...blue whale migration season. - MAN: Exactly. 46 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:01,704 Whisk off to Sammy Hagar's for some peel-and-eat shrimp and... 47 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:03,790 and some clamato margatinis. 48 00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:09,129 - You had me at "clamahto" margatinis. 49 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,632 - You say "clamahto," I say "clamayto." 50 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,052 - And you know what I would say if I were a blue whale? 51 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,262 - Mm. 52 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:24,227 - [imitates blue whale] - MAN: Mm. Mm. 53 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,150 - JONES: Come on! - TRAVIS: This time for real. 54 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,067 - [gunshot] - [people cheering] 55 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,070 - CHERISHA: There you go! - [indistinct chatter] 56 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,573 - TRAVIS: Do it again! - [indistinct chatter] 57 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:40,160 - JONES: Pretty good. Pretty good. - ALL: Pretty good. Pretty good. 58 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,370 - JIM: You know who can't shoot like that? - CHERISHA: Yeah. 59 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,539 - Spark's Department. Fuck those guys. - Yeah, fuck those guys. 60 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,332 - CHERISHA: I think that's a lucky shirt. - TRAVIS: Mm, lucky... 61 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:47,625 - JIM: You know where he got this? 62 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,794 He goes to the... the lads section, 63 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,171 the boys section... - TRAVIS: Yeah. 64 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,840 Yeah, lar--large boys. Yeah. - JIM: Large boys... 65 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,509 He points to the three mannequins... - [clicks finger] 66 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,219 Sold, sold, sold, and he walks out. - WOMAN: Uh-huh. Uh- huh. 67 00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,679 - TRUDY: Like a millionaire. - Yeah. 68 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,015 - You look a regular Magnum P.I. over there. 69 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,267 - And then Donny Junior can use them after. 70 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,187 - No, but you wear a smedium. [mumbles] 71 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,606 - He's a husky smedium, yeah. - Husky smedium. 72 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,107 - But, you know, most Americans-- 73 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,150 - Hey, you guys, I forgot to tell you. I bought a new turtleneck. 74 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,237 [motor whirring] 75 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,158 - These are, uh, men's shoes. 76 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,702 - Yeah, we figured. 77 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:23,953 - You remember I--I warned you, right? 78 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:25,914 - It's OK, baby. 79 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:28,583 We all have white friends. 80 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:29,500 - Yeah. Wait, just a second. - [phone vibrates, rings] 81 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,544 Hello. 82 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:32,879 Whoa. Yes, sir. 83 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,257 - Oh, it's about work. - Yes, sir. 84 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,052 Uh, no. We are actually, uh, we are off duty today, sir. 85 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,221 It's ICE. - MAN: Oh, shit! 86 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,805 - It's ICE. It's Immigration... Hey. Yes, sir. 87 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:44,140 - JIM: The Immigration? 88 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,560 - Uh... Uh... Yeah. We would, uh, we would love to. 89 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:52,440 [stutters] You know, we are not allowed to do backup on Immigration raids. 90 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,525 Them snowflakes on the City Council, 91 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:57,237 them goddamn libtards... 92 00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,031 - Ordinance 42! - Ordinance 42. 93 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,533 And then the goddamn snowflakes they voted for it, 94 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,078 and we are a sanctuary county. 95 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,038 Yes, sir. OK, wait just a second. I'll let you speak to my supervisor. 96 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,290 - No, I don't wanna talk! - WOMAN: Losers! 97 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:10,750 - TRUDY: I haven't even finished my hot dog. 98 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,628 - Hello, Hello, this is Lieutenant Dangle. 99 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:15,922 Yep. 100 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:16,923 - What are you doing? 101 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,049 - It's, uh... It's... 102 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,550 Here. 103 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,594 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Give it. 104 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,470 - Shit, shit, shit! 105 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:27,976 - Hello, this is Carol Wiegel. Yes. 106 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,895 - Fuck, that's her real last name! That's her... that's her actual name! 107 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,982 - No. We're very busy actually because we just found a whole... 108 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,777 bunch of dead bodies. 109 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,487 - Carol, we need you. 110 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:41,406 - Hold on, please. Someone's calling me by my name. 111 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:44,492 - Carol. - Yes, this Carol. Can I help you? 112 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,327 - JONES: You need to play it out. Get the phone... 113 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:47,996 - It turns out it was nothing. Anyway... 114 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,497 - Just get it from her! - Carol? 115 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,000 - Ouch. I think I lost him. - WOMAN: Then we good. 116 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,418 - Maria... 117 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,462 [speaking in Spanish] 118 00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:57,422 - At the Comida Mart. 119 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,381 [speaking in Spanish] 120 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:03,303 - Why don't you have a wedding ring? 121 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:04,929 - I had one. 122 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,764 You know, but I messed up. 123 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,976 I think I got hitched a little too early. 124 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,227 Then we had us a little girl and... 125 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,147 - Well, kids ruin everything. - Mm-hmm. 126 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,107 - I didn't know my dad. 127 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,901 Anyway, all I know about him is he... 128 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,488 he's really hot, and he had... 129 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:25,742 the strangest tattoo. 130 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,493 It said "Fuck Newt Gingrich." 131 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:29,704 Right here. - Fuck... 132 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,082 "Fuck Newt Gingrich." 133 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:33,916 - [stutters] Did you say "Fuck Newt Gingrich?" 134 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,376 - Yes. 135 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,210 - You mean like this "Fuck Newt Gingrich" tattoo? 136 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,545 - Oh. 137 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,717 - [gate closes] - [keys clinking] 138 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,553 Gross. 139 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,181 - I guess some of that got awful weird, huh? 140 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,433 - It's fine. 141 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,268 - Well, I didn't know you was my little girl. 142 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,686 - Yeah, we didn't know! We didn't know. - We didn't know. 143 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,148 - Anything I said to you as a whale, I take back. 144 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:57,774 - Uh... 145 00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:01,110 I'm sorry, baby. 146 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,822 I'm sorry I was a deadbeat. 147 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:07,408 You know that Harley I got parked outside? 148 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,035 I want you to have it. 149 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,372 - No, I can't let you do that. Are you sure? 150 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,664 - OK. I'm su-- 151 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,792 Baby, you gotta let me do this for you. 152 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,130 - "Fuck Newt Gingrich." That's what it says. 153 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,592 - Yeah, fuck him for all time. 154 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,263 - How do you like my new bike? 155 00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:30,515 That wasn't my dad. 156 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:34,477 I'm not that gross, come on! 157 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,105 I saw that tattoo when he was booked, 158 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,524 and I thought, "Well, I'm gonna have a little fun with him." 159 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:44,195 And just for the record, my dad owns an erotic puppet theater in Tallahassee, 160 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,864 and has to stay at least a 1,000 yards away from me at all times.