- Welcome to the distant future. [chuckles]
This is pretty neat because the state of Nevada has given us...
rented us a virtual reality system, which is for training purposes.
You can be in... Travis, where are you now?
- Yeah, it's not just a target range. It's like a...
like an inner city neighborhood.
- That's a good question. Is there hail or snow or anything?
- Across the street, I'm going into the bank.
- Shit! Shit! - Sorry. Sorry.
- Whoa, really scary guy! - JIM: Scary guy?
- FEMALE OFFICER: Scary guy! Scary guy!
-JIM: Where? Where?
- It's a sad day here in Reno.
We have a frequent public nuisance named T.T.
I'm not sure what happened to her
but her aunt sure was a pillar in the community,
and so, we're mourning her today.
The Reno Sheriff's Department has decided to pitch in
and we're all pall bearers for her coffin.
She was a great lady and she...
- [T.T. crying loudly] - started a...
an after-school program for homeless children.
- She donated books to people in need. - Donated books.
And T.T. is going through her stages of grief.
- It's really heartbreaking. - [T.T. continues crying]
I've never seen anything so sad.
- You know, everyone experiences bereavement differently,
so we try to have room for that...
- Yeah. - ...experience.
- Sometimes they cry, sometimes they hump things.
Sometimes they dance. Oh.
- Okay. Yeah.
[T.T. crying loudly]
- All right.
- My condolences. - My--
- Okay. Thank you. - You're very welcome.
[band playing slow music]
[man screaming]
[indistinct chattering]
- MINISTER: We appreciate it so much. Thank you.
[T.T. continues crying loudly]
Oh, wow.
- JIM: Be a lady. Be a lady. - MINISTER: Okay. Okay.
- JIM: Be a lady.
- All right...
[chuckles] You gotta be easy on that. - Be a lady. Be a lady.
- All right, here we go. - Thank you T.T.
- We really appreciate you guys.
- Absolutely. - I mean, in general. Yeah.
- Well, thank you, thank you. I wouldn't necessarily...
- T.T. Okay. Okay. - Okay, don't--
- No, let her. She's gotta mourn. Let her mourn.
She's gotta mourn too. - FEMALE OFFICER: No hitting.
- So, uh, excuse me-- Excuse us. Excuse us.
If we could just... Very sorry. Just have to...
- MALE OFFICER: Wait. Wait.
You can't go through here.
They're doing demolition.
- They're doing demolition. Back it up. - Oh, shit.
- All right. - Back it up. Back it up.
[band tempo increases]
- Sorry. I'm so sorry. Bringing this back.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
[indistinct chattering]
- To starboard. To the starboard.
- Watch it. Watch your step. There's a curb.
There's a curb here. - Hard to port.
- Here we go. - Hard to port.
- Oh, God, no! Oh, God, no!
Go, go, go. Oh, it's so cold!
[exclaims] Ah, brrr!
- We can get through this.
- Oh, God. Oh, that was really--
Okay.
- MINISTER: Son of a--
Quick, come. We're almost there.
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- That's a good pace. Great pace.
- JIM: Did we make a wrong turn or something?
- MINISTER: Jesus!
- JIM: I think we made a wrong turn, I swear.
Shit! Shit!
[explosions]
[all screaming]
Are we following, T.T.?
[woman screams]
- TRAVIS: Go, go, go!
- It's okay. - We're almost here!
- This way, this way. - Hard to starboard.
Hard to starboard.
Jesus!
Okay. Okay.
[band tempo increases]
Five, six, seven, eight. And...
- MINISTER: Brothers and sisters... - TRAVIS: It's fine. Go!
- MINISTER: Please join me for a moment of silence.
Just a moment of silence.
[woman crying loudly]
- Sheriff's Department. - Somebody called you guys.
- I'm sorry, it took a while.
- Yeah, we just sat down to eat when we got the call.
- I'm Steve. I'm the flight attendant.
Kind of in charge of economy class. - Sure.
- Exhausting! - Yeah, I bet it's exhausting.
- What happened wrong today is a woman...
and I don't want you to let her know we're talking about her...
in a blue shameez in the third row...
- Guys, can I save you some time? - [shushing]
- Ma'am. Ma'am! - Ma'am.
- So she's sitting-- You know what, I'll pretend that I'm her, okay?
- And I'm gonna sit here and... - First of all, don't dress like that
if you wanna be taken seriously. - ...she's hitting the buzzer
every three minutes. - So you're her?
- "Sir, I need chap-sticks."
- I come over. She says, "Oh, I spilled all the nuts in my lap."
She's like, "Can you grab them? Help me grab them."
- So you're-- Yeah. - So you be me,
and I put my hand down there... - So you're you.
- ...and then she starts doing this.
- Okay. - Like trying to
shove her vaginal mound into my wrist.
- Shut your hole. Shut your hole.
- So she says, "Go up there and grab my jacket,
because, well, I'm seat-belted.
As I'm grabbing her jacket, she's doing this,
just giving me little Eskimo kisses with her nose.
Just like this. - This is...
- Nice and slow. - This is... I do--
- I'm looking for a jacket...
- Why are you wearing shorts? - ...that doesn't even exist.
And she's going like this
- pretending she's reaching in the back... - I will sue you!
- ...for my jacket.
- And what's really happening is... - Excuse me.
- ...I'm getting ass-raped by her vaginal mound.
- Excuse me. I'm sorry. He doesn't work for the airline.
He's the one I called you about.
He was rubbing his groin on this passenger.
- Shit! God damn it. Get down in first!
- Don't get near me or I will open this door
and suck you all out into space.
- I don't think he's bluffing.
- It's like 12 feet down, right? 14 feet? - It's like 12 feet.
- We work really hard,
but if we didn't love it,
honestly, we wouldn't be here.
- Believe it or not, the Reno Sheriff's Department
has jobs available.
- Reno Sheriff's Department is looking for a few good men,
and women, and transgender,
and non-gender specific gen-Z-ers.
- Even with criminal records.
- Up to and including the retarded.
- I love it here, and if I didn't, I could quit at any time.
Really, I could just get up and walk out.
- I'm so happy, I must be dreaming.
- I didn't even use my six hours of time off last Christmas.
- So join the Reno Sheriff's Department.
- ALL: Fax in your applications now.