1 00:00:03,878 --> 00:00:04,713 - Sheriff Department! 2 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,509 [bell rings] 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,301 Sheriff Department! 4 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:13,888 You reported a crime on your doorbell camera? 5 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:16,474 Probably just a guy in a hoodie. 6 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,103 It's always just a guy in a hoodie. Sheriff Department! 7 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,315 Going, going. Nope. Okay. 8 00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:26,651 Call the Fire Department next time. 9 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:30,572 Can't be here all day, guys. I can't be here all day. 10 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,157 I got stuff to do. 11 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,117 Your doorbell camera is not deputized. 12 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:09,944 [whimpers] Why would-- 13 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,113 Who would do this? 14 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,032 Who would do this? 15 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:15,867 Why? 16 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,952 Why? 17 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:21,581 [screaming] 18 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:23,750 Ahhh! 19 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,169 [screams] Why! 20 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:35,470 - Welcome to the Secure and Sassy Concealed Carry Fashion Show. 21 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:40,350 Heather's working a casual look. She's running errands. 22 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,893 But she's not running scared. 23 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,561 [audience clapping] 24 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:44,771 Thank you, Heather. 25 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,190 Next up is Shawna. 26 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,692 Shawna's ready for yoga class. What's up in that yoga mat? 27 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,488 It's a 12 gauge pump. Nama-stay safe! 28 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,494 She's a ten... with a pair of nines! 29 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,496 Who's ready for evening wear? 30 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,123 [audience clapping] 31 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:12,298 Clemmie is ready for a night on the town. 32 00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,008 But she's no sitting duck. 33 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,218 Where are you packing, Clemmie? 34 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:20,056 - CLEMENTINE: There's a couple of things in life that I'm really into right now. 35 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,766 One of them is fashion. 36 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:25,687 And one of them is not having anyone piss all over my rights. 37 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,230 - PRESENTER: Well, what's so special about that swimsuit? 38 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,778 That's right. It's Kevlar! 39 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,114 Stay away from her pool party, ISIS. 40 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,538 - MAN 1: Hello, cops. Hello. - MAN 2: What's up, pigs? 41 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:46,749 - We see you. I see you're on duty-- I'm on duty, too. 42 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,960 Okay, we just saw you tryin' to protect the Constitution 43 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,671 with our goddamn phones, man. 44 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:57,051 These kids, now they're trying to catch us doing something wrong all the time. 45 00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,554 - I mean, it's tiresome. - We're gonna have a long wait. 46 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,638 - MAN 1: How many guns you got in there? 47 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,059 - FEMALE OFFICER: Fifty. 48 00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:08,980 - JONES: Fifty? - MAN 1: Fifty! That's way too many guns. 49 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,274 - JONES: How many guns you got out there? - None! 50 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,692 - [both laugh mockingly] - MAN 1: Don't laugh! 51 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:15,820 That's not funny. 52 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,447 - JONES: Whoa! That's our guy! 53 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,240 - FEMALE OFFICER: That's our guy! - JONES: Let's go! 54 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,618 - [gun shots] - MAN 1: We got it! Oh, my God! 55 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,786 What the-- You're opening fire! 56 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,955 These police officers have just opened fire! 57 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:26,748 - MAN 1: They're shooting him! 58 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:31,878 - Hi, guys. - Hey, fellas. 59 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,173 -Welcome! - Congratulations. You got jury duty. 60 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:35,840 - Bienvenue. 61 00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,801 - Congratulations, you got ju-- Wait, no. 62 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,762 You got jury duty. 63 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:41,888 - Which one of you guys-- Somebody named Tryst? 64 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,807 - I'm Tryst. 65 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:45,808 - FEMALE OFFICER: [chuckles] What kind of name is Tryst? 66 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:47,644 - You have $3,400 in unpaid parking tickets. 67 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,103 - I thought... Wait. 68 00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:50,480 - We'll see you in court. 69 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,190 - But... - Hang on to that. 70 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:53,900 - Okay, don't hit him, sir. - I'm not hitting him. 71 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,610 I'm not hitting anybody. Did I hit anybody? 72 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,195 - ALL: No! - You absolutely did not. 73 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,947 - I didn't. Who's got all the dick pics on this one? 74 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,448 - Me, sir. 75 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,325 - Is that you or a friend? - It's a friend. 76 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,576 - Oh. - Oh. 77 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,703 - Well done. - I mean, I would've said it was me. 78 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,835 - This morning, we found out a model had to drop out. 79 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,713 She had a bowhunting accident over the weekend. 80 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:18,508 - Clemmie had a friend-- - It's not a friend. 81 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:22,011 Had a-- Knew someone who could step in at the last minute. 82 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,388 So we're gonna give her a go. 83 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,727 - I know you've never done this before but you've probably watched models before? 84 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,523 - You've never watched a fashion show? - I don't have a TV anymore. 85 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:36,693 - Okay. Okay. 86 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,488 Well, why don't you-- This a runway. 87 00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:43,449 - Smize. 88 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,160 And then I smize. And then I smize. 89 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,203 - I'm gonna pause you for a second. - Okay. 90 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,541 - It got weird-- - Take this seriously. 91 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:54,043 - CLEMENTINE: Trudy's like that old spare tire that you forget about. 92 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:57,588 - Sure it's bald... barely gonna get you-- - Stop complimenting. 93 00:04:57,588 --> 00:05:00,550 Stop with the compliments. My head is getting big. 94 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,343 - I've got so many compliments just like that one. 95 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,386 - PRESENTER: Up next, it's Trudy. 96 00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,431 Tennis, anyone? 97 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,641 - TRUDY: I have never walked in a fashion show before. 98 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,685 But I do walk around a lot... 99 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,563 to the coffee machines, sometimes to the vending machine, 100 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:17,400 and I have been told... that I look pretty good doing it. 101 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,319 - Who told you that? Name names. 102 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,111 - Um... 103 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,781 Roberto. He's new. - Mmm. 104 00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:28,036 He and I are kind of having a thing. 105 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:28,995 - Oh. 106 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,207 - PRESENTER: Trudy is serving up a beautiful silhouette. 107 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,669 Nice backhand, Trudy. 108 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:37,337 What about that tennis racket? 109 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,714 I 40-love it. 110 00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:43,551 As if Trudy was not creating enough of a diversion herself... 111 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,510 Flash grenade! 112 00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:49,932 Ball's in your court, date rapists. 113 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:55,563 Trudy, is that a .32 ACP gun in your pocket 114 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,648 or are you just happy to live a country with the Second Amendment? 115 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,568 - MAN: Shooter! 116 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:01,152 [people screaming] 117 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,790 - I'm okay. 118 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:14,665 -[gun shot] - Shit! 119 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,084 - MAN: Sorry. 120 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,422 - Next up is Lisa!