1 00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:03,003 - Officer! [panting] - Sheriff's Department. 2 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,879 - Thank God you are here. - OK, what's going on? 3 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,881 - There's some kids in the pool. - Oh, OK. 4 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,842 Wait, hold on. Let me guess. 5 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,094 The kids in the pool are black. - Yes, yes, they are black. 6 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,346 - Shut up! Shut the fuck up! 7 00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:17,684 Kids that are black in your pool are not bothering you, lady. 8 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,311 You don't call the Sheriff's Department for this. 9 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:23,148 I'm tired of you Backyard Betty's, Lookie Lois'... 10 00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,359 calling us for this dumb shit! 11 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,610 What are they doing? What are they doing? 12 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,237 - They are drowning. 13 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,365 Yeah. - They're drow-- No! 14 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,159 - To the right, to the right! - No! 15 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,160 Black babies! 16 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:37,078 No, no, no, black babies! 17 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,833 - JIM: Good morning, gang. 18 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,418 - CHERISHA: [yawning] Morning. - JAMES: Morning. 19 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,503 - JIM: Uh... this meeting, like all of our meetings now, 20 00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:46,588 brought to you by Soup Gorilla, 21 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,715 when you absolutely, positively want soup, 22 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,385 in a couple of days, ingredients right to your door, 23 00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:55,555 uh, made with vegetables that-- 24 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,725 - Why do they make you say the whole speech? 25 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,435 - You're welcome... You want these? You wanna try it? 26 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:05,440 'Cause once you get these, shit rolls uphill. 27 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,275 So, as everybody knows, the break-ins... 28 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,446 have been out of hand here in the building. 29 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,739 - Yeah. 30 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:16,326 - The brass has insisted that we hire 31 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,370 a... private security guard for the door. 32 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,413 - Oh, come on! - That's... 33 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,250 - JIM: This is not my call. Not my call. - That's sad. 34 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,212 - Do you wanna get him in? This is the guy who's gonna be guarding us from now on. 35 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,630 - You know it's the skateboard guys, right? 36 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:32,300 - Well, the skateboard kids have been a real problem, 37 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,802 but then somebody-- There's stuff missing every... 38 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,806 - [sighing] Hey. - JIM: Hey. Uh, so, this is... 39 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,808 It's Jeffey, yeah? 40 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,476 - Jeffey, yeah. Jeffey Rene Chism. 41 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,312 - Hi, Jeffey. My name is Trudy. 42 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,648 I once had a hamster 43 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:50,485 that lived off of his own feces. 44 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:53,780 And then, actually, I was forgetting this, but now I'm remembering, 45 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,866 he ended up eating himself. 46 00:01:56,866 --> 00:02:00,203 - JIM: Jeffey, Wiegel starts bragging when new people come around. 47 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,789 - I do not! - When new people come around, 48 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,290 she starts bragging... -No, I don't. 49 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,042 - ...and she'll tell you stories like, "I had a hamster." 50 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,293 Tell the truth. Tell the truth to Jeffey. 51 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,548 - Being able to keep a pet alive is impressive. A lot of people can't. 52 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,966 - She didn't, Jeffey, because she didn't. 53 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,760 - JIM: So, what's going on with the... - Hey, Jeffey... [whispers] I did. 54 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,266 - We got an alarm triggered at the bank. - [alarm blaring] 55 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:23,935 - Hey, guys? - TRUDY: Yeah? 56 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,688 - JIM: Did somebody say how many hostages are in there? 57 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,689 - I think they said three. 58 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,817 - What? You hurt your knee? 59 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,819 - You should file for Workers' Comp. 60 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,280 - JIM: As you go into the Xerox room, 61 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,408 to the left, there's a Worker's Comp form, if your knee really hurts. 62 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,910 - [vehicle approaching] - [anthem playing loudly] 63 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:41,786 - JIM: Holy... What the... 64 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,164 - FRANK: Hell yes! - TRAVIS: What the fuck? 65 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:50,545 - What was that? 66 00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:57,260 - TRUDY: Hi. - MAN: Hey, how are you? 67 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,762 How are you doing? Hatzolah is here. 68 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,389 - FRANK: Hey! How are you? - TRAVIS: You need to get down! 69 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:03,183 There's a hostage situation - There's a hostage in there. 70 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,058 - FRANK: There's hostages! - I know. It's OK. 71 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,978 - OK. Oh, my God! That was scary. - What the hell! 72 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,814 - What... Hi. - Hey. 73 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,900 How are you doing? Shalom , baby. - Are you the Amish? 74 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:17,447 - Uh, we are Jewish volunteer service. Hatzolah. 75 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,448 - Oh, hi! - Shalom , baby. 76 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,743 No, I cannot shake hands with you. It is haram. 77 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,952 - ALL: [exclaiming] 78 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,287 - Shit! - It's OK. These are my guys. 79 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,580 - Jesus! - Guys, it's OK, these... 80 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,000 Guys, these are my guys. It's OK. - You are... 81 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,043 You guys are Hatzolah. 82 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,003 [rapid explosions] 83 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,297 God! - This is what we do, guys. 84 00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,758 - Oh, OK. - We are Jewish volunteers. 85 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,135 We have ambulance, firemen... 86 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,304 So, we are like Jewish Batman. 87 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,306 - ALL: [exclaiming] Oh! 88 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,851 - But for us, Batman is, like, pussy. 89 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,896 - You guys just do this? - This is what we do. 90 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,106 We save... How do you say... We save the world. 91 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:53,816 - Oh, wow, wow. 92 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:55,860 - When there are-- where there are Jews. 93 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,737 Where there are no Jews, we don't give a shit. 94 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,072 - Sure. Sure. - What you guys do... 95 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,075 very important. - Thank you. 96 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,077 - Maybe there's a cat in a tree, you help the cat. 97 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,371 - Oh, last year, two. Two times. 98 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,081 Are these guys with you? - These guys are mine, yeah. 99 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,123 These guys are mine. 100 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,167 It's OK, guys, it's OK. 101 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:14,128 It's just a hostage situation. - Hey! 102 00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:16,005 - We got it. Hold on. One second. - JIM: Oh, still talking to him. 103 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:16,506 Hang on, I'm sorry. 104 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,717 - Yeah? OK. We got the bad guys. 105 00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:21,261 - They got them? Wow. - OK, so confirming. 106 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,138 OK. - FRANK: Guys, you guys need back up? 107 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:25,348 - TRAVIS: Do you need... 108 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,558 OK, that's a good joke. - TRAVIS: [chuckling] 109 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,061 - FRANK: Hatzolah! - What are you gonna do with those guys? 110 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,814 - Oh, we're going to take these guys. We're going to ask them some questions. 111 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,232 - OK. - Then we're going to kill them. 112 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,193 - TRUDY: Happy Hanukkah! 113 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:38,569 - MAN: I got another thing. There's a guy... 114 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,321 he stole a nuclear warhead. 115 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,866 - Oh, my gosh. - Across town, so I gotta go. 116 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,827 I gotta go get that guy. - Oh, man! 117 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,996 - Break a leg! 118 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,706 - Thank you! - Thank you! 119 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,582 - Hatzolah! Hatzolah! - FRANK: Thank you very much. 120 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,835 - Thank you! Hatzolah! - JIM: Bye. Hatzolah! 121 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,920 - Besides the time I met Pat Sajak, this is the most exciting day of my life. 122 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:56,671 - JIM: Did you meet Pat Sajak? - I did. 123 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,051 - Yo! - Hi. 124 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:02,635 - What's up, Playa Peter? 125 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,264 What's up? - Oh, I'm sorry. 126 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,098 Can I see some ID? 127 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,935 - See some ID? - Yeah. 128 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,186 - Come on, dude. Jeffey, it's me. 129 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,897 Jones. - Oh, I know. It's just protocol. 130 00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,190 - Come on, man, I gotta deuce it. 131 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,484 -Well, if this were Henderson or Carson City, 132 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:19,861 I'd say, yeah, fly on by, but it's Reno, you know. 133 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,073 - I'll give you a banana. Just let me in. 134 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:27,285 - I don't do a barter system, this isn't Tom Sawyer trying to paint the fence. 135 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:30,121 - Jeffey, I could shoot you here, OK? 136 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,248 What security are you doing? What are you doing? 137 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,082 - Well, now it feels like a threat. 138 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,127 I don't... I can't even... 139 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,087 - Sorry. Sorry, dude. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 140 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:41,883 He didn't show it to you? 141 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,053 - He didn't show you ID? - No, he did not and I wasn't-- 142 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:45,970 - What do we say to Jeffey? 143 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:47,388 - I'm sorry, Jeffey. 144 00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,141 - It's fine. It was a miscommunication, if anything. 145 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:51,893 - Let's go. 146 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:53,811 - He can poop at the subway. 147 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:01,736 - Great news! October 21st is Nevada's first... 148 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,864 International Pronouns Day. 149 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,450 It's a great time to learn about the new... 150 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,328 pronouns, such as "zie" 151 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,455 "zim", "zir", 152 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,082 and "zis", 153 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,459 which are not the same as "sie", 154 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:17,543 "zie", 155 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,381 "hir" and "hirs", 156 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,300 and, of course, "hirself", with an "I", 157 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:28,304 which is different from "herself", with an "E". 158 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,807 And these are more inclusive and they don't shove anybody 159 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,476 into a box that doesn't fit... 160 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,896 "zem" or their beautiful genitals... 161 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:41,901 and "we", "I" or "thon" 162 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:45,405 can agree that "singular they" just makes more sense 163 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,698 when we can't tell if "zey" have bosoms 164 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,284 or if "sie" is just... 165 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,662 a soft boy. 166 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,373 And of course, wait till you get to the hang of... 167 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,794 "xe", which is the non-reflexive "xyrself" 168 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,672 that goes with the possessive "xyr" 169 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,633 and "shi", which is the alternate spelling of "sie" 170 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:09,095 but spelled like the comic book, Yamabushi warrior monk Shi 171 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,638 and both "e", "li" 172 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:13,224 and "her", "schel" 173 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,519 are not new pronouns but the two given names 174 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,813 of Tony winner Eli Herschel Wallach, Eli Wallach. 175 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,941 That one was just for fun. 176 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:25,486 So, let every single "zie", "ey", "zem", 177 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:28,114 "tey", "e", "tem" and "ir" and "terself" 178 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,700 get set and ready, because on October 21st, 179 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,452 when it's Pronouns Day, 180 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,412 you don't wanna sound like an asshole.