1 00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:03,753 Damn! How're you doin' today, ma'am? 2 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:08,758 Shit! I'm gonna need to see some sort of proof 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:09,968 that you got a smog check, 4 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:13,013 and I'm gonna need to see your... 5 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,181 license and registration, please. 6 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,920 Oh, my God! 7 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,395 Good morning, gang. - Good morning. 8 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,189 Due to budget cuts, today's briefing 9 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,607 is brought to you by Chicken Out. 10 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:09,027 "If you're out of chicken, don't scream and shout. 11 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,196 Tap your digits to Chicken Out." 12 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,532 I don't know how it works but they're paying for it today. 13 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:15,575 Um... 14 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,703 Oh, never mind, it's stupid. I'm not gonna tell you 'bout it. 15 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,955 - What? - No, never mind, it's stupid. 16 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,123 Tell us what it is. 17 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:25,043 You obviously wanted us to ask you about it. 18 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,711 What the fuck is it, Jim? 19 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,254 Well, okay. It's pretty neat. 20 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:32,050 So all of the Nevada lieutenants got a challenge coin. 21 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,718 It's got Mike Pence, and it says, 22 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,513 "You survived the 2020 race riots." 23 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:37,764 We did. Barely. 24 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,641 And then on the back, it's so fun, 25 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:42,102 Antifa getting kicked with a boot. 26 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:43,353 Oh! That's beautiful. 27 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:44,604 I want that! 28 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,856 Maybe you can just pass it and everyone can take a turn? 29 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,566 That's for all of us? 30 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,068 It's for the top brass law enforcement guys. 31 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,905 I got one. Pretty neat, if I do say so myself. 32 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,241 I look a little bit like Pence, don't you think? 33 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,535 Is ours coming later? Like, you get the first one 34 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,036 and then we're all gonna get them afterwards? 35 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,496 Did they say... everybody got one? 36 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,705 Question. Yeah? 37 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:06,960 We all chip in and we get this cast... 38 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,128 and we all get one. 39 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,088 We could paint them ourselves. Yeah. 40 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,507 Then do that. But don't do it with mine. 41 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:15,385 Why the-- I got through the fucking riots, too! 42 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:16,845 And if you were in a slightly higher position, 43 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,680 you would get one of these amazing things. 44 00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:20,265 - You know what I'll do? - That's elitist. 45 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,724 I'm gonna make t-shirts for everybody. 46 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:25,520 I don't want a t-shirt. I want a fucking challenge coin! 47 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,065 And you're allowed to look at it. Good day. 48 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,567 Ah! Fuck you! 49 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:35,822 Oh, classic! 50 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,949 Here come the cops. - Hey, how're you doing? 51 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,994 I'm trying to do good here, okay? This out of pocket! 52 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,246 Okay? And that took a long time to paint. 53 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,789 It's beautiful. 54 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,041 I have never tried to convince the locals 55 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,585 that my penis is a lake monster, 56 00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:49,961 and that I swim around on my back 57 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,088 with my boner sticking out of the water. 58 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,464 Shame on you! 59 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,259 Well, we didn't even bring that up. 60 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,344 I wasn't thinking about your penis at all. 61 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,346 You brought it up. Now I can't stop thinking about it. 62 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,140 Oh, you think about it constantly! 63 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,935 I'm an actor. And I portray Tessie the Lake Monster. 64 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,146 Sure. But not with your penis. 'Cause you said so. 65 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,565 You said that's not with your penis, so that's okay. 66 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,609 Abso-fucking-lutely not! I have a puppet. 67 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,235 This puppet! - Oh, look at that! 68 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,988 When I puppet that, I become the monster. 69 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,991 How's this puppet work? You flute it? 70 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,620 Do you... - Is that a butt plug? 71 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,580 Oh... yeah. 72 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:26,706 Don't get that dirty. 73 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,249 That's going in my anus in a moment. 74 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,626 - So it is a butt plug? - Yes! 75 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:31,461 You go into the water, plug this in your butt-- 76 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,671 But I don't enjoy it! 77 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,131 See, it's not a problem. 78 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:39,302 We're not here to tell you any of this is a problem. 79 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,012 Better Business Board gave you an award, dude. 80 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,598 The most popular attraction in Washoe County. 81 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,058 Oh, my God! 82 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,309 This has my name. - Yeah. 83 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,102 - And no mugshot! - Yeah. 84 00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:52,232 Okay, here we go. One, two... 85 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,275 ...three-- No! - Three! 86 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,366 Uh, okay, everyone, my name is Dr. Fry, 87 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,618 and I'm gonna administer your state-mandated 88 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,454 five-year physical fitness test for the department. 89 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,207 We're just gonna have you run 1.5 miles, 90 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,001 we'll just time that, make sure that you're in the range. 91 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,836 Then we'll go into some push-ups and sit-ups. 92 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,339 Then we're just gonna do some hanging pull-ups. 93 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,799 I'm sure you've all experienced those, 94 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,217 probably do those in your morning routines. 95 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,843 And then we'll take a little bit of a cooldown 96 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,680 and then jump back into another five-minute timed run, 97 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,056 just to see where we are. 98 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,975 That sounds like you have a lot of stuff in store for us. 99 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,519 This might need something out of your bag, 100 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,312 maybe a list of all the things we're gonna do? 101 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:35,024 So let me get the-- Oh! Whoops! I'm sorry. 102 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,567 That's not mine! That's not mine! 103 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,279 What is all this stuff? Look at all this crazy mess! 104 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,614 What-- Is this oxycodone? 105 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:42,699 They're not mine! 106 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:45,994 Uh-oh, underage boys. What? 107 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,578 Child pornography. 108 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,206 If that was mine, I wouldn't label them individually. 109 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,875 What is this? A gun? 110 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,003 Isn't that, that gun from Karpinski case? 111 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:58,298 Wow! And it was in his bag. 112 00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:01,259 Hmm. 113 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,012 I... Yeah, all right. 114 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:06,389 Yeah, you all look good. You all pass. 115 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,641 Great job. - Great. 116 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,184 See you in five years. 117 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,854 Thank you, Doctor. Good work, Rizzo. 118 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:15,732 Took my lunch out of there. 119 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,489 The Reno Sheriff's Department 120 00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:25,908 would like to welcome you to our beautiful city, 121 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:30,163 and ask that you help us keep it that way by pitching in. 122 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,708 Did you know that the average tourist in Reno 123 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:37,170 generates eight pounds of garbage in a single day? 124 00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,797 That's the size of an average human baby. 125 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,634 Now just imagine, all those eight-pound garbage babies 126 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,720 ending up on our streets and sidewalks. 127 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:49,349 Imagine an obstacle course of hypodermic needles 128 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,975 and empty malt liquor bottles. 129 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:54,062 Add to that, an occasional puddle of lube. 130 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:57,523 That, my friends, is one heck of a garbage baby. 131 00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:01,027 And it is a slip-and-fall attorney's wet dream. 132 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,320 And just a reminder, 133 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,198 littering in Reno is not a nuisance... 134 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,909 ...it's also a crime! 135 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:11,704 And if we see you, we will lock you up. 136 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,081 And trust me... 137 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,166 ...you think our streets are dirty? 138 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,835 Wait until you meet some of the garbage babies 139 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,420 we have in our holding cell. 140 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:22,882 Because as we's like to say... 141 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,717 Littering is trashy! 142 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,553 And not in a good way. 143 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,353 That is a massacre right there. 144 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,021 I know. 145 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,778 Who did it? 146 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,822 I just had to tape off my desk 147 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,324 because it's a mother crime scene. 148 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,076 What? - Who took it? 149 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,786 Who took what? 150 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,539 Who took my Mike Pence challenge coin? 151 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,041 Someone took your Mike Pence challenge coin? 152 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,168 I'm sorry, but I would like everybody 153 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,461 to just save the dithering... 154 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,672 Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, we're friends. 155 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:04,048 We've all got guns, Jim. 156 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,426 We've all got guns, I'm aware, mine's out. 157 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:09,679 Circle up. Arm to shoulder, shoulder to arm. 158 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,013 Can I suggest one thing? 159 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:12,473 Let's look into each other's eyes. 160 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,518 - That's a good idea. - My name is Trudy Weigel. 161 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:19,480 And I did not take that coin. 162 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,523 Tell-tale sign. 163 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,024 She's blinking like a-- 164 00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:23,734 If I had stolen this coin, 165 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,153 do you think I would have it here 166 00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:27,196 or do you think I might have it at home, 167 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,948 in my jewelry box, on my dressing-- 168 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,367 Uh-uh, I'm sorry, Kimball, you gotta check her cheeks. 169 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,995 I know Trudy. Squat down so you can't be holding it. 170 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,997 - No, don't-- - Cough. And cough at me. 171 00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,040 Let some air out. 172 00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:40,543 Jim, I did not take that coin. 173 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,670 Stand up! Okay. Oh, stop that. 174 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,756 I'll tell you guys, if you took the coin, 175 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:49,051 put it on my desk by midnight... 176 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,637 or I'll kill you all. 177 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,264 I don't know if the people over there heard 178 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,766 but he said, "Or I'll kill you all." 179 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:04,400 Check, check. Operation Tortoise and the Hare. 180 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,277 So we have had... 181 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:10,239 a really disgusting new trend in Nevada. 182 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,742 - Yeah. Yeah. - Which is people... 183 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:16,037 buying turtles to eat. 184 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,663 I don't know if you saw the video... 185 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:19,957 - No, don't. - I don't wanna plug the video. 186 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,627 Don't google "Nevada turtle eater." 187 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:26,172 Shit! Turtle dealer. 188 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:29,634 Hey. Oh, wow! 189 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,012 They smell interesting. 190 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,765 - This is a rare kabuki... - Yeah. 191 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,099 ...from Jeju-do Island. 192 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,101 - Chejasho. - Jeju-do Island. 193 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:41,562 You only find the green kabuki there. 194 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,856 It's a honeymoon... 195 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,024 You take one turtle-- 196 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,984 You eat the turtle and make it... Boom! 197 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,320 You eat the turtle, and it makes you 198 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,907 strong and steady, win the race. 199 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,076 You know? Not like a fast, dumb bunny. 200 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:58,037 So let me get this straight. 201 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:02,250 You're selling us these turtles to eat. 202 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,209 Is that correct? 203 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,669 Why don't you try the goods? 204 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,837 - Why don't you try the goods? - Why don't you try it? 205 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,298 Why don't-- - Johnny's gonna try the goods. 206 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:13,427 Let me-- I'll just feel one. That's a turtle. 207 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,638 Are they worth all the money that we're paying 208 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,848 to have turtles to eat here in Nevada? 209 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,725 Don't be a pussy, take a bite! 210 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:23,521 - I don't fucking care. Watch! - Take them home and fry them. 211 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,232 Watch, I don't fucking care! Watch! 212 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,609 Ooh! 213 00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:30,778 Here's what's weird. 214 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,989 - It's kinda good. - They're very good. 215 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,325 Look, if you were to take this and wrap it up in tin foil 216 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,952 and grill it in butter. 217 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,704 Are you supposed to eat the shells? 218 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:42,290 Because the shell is very painful when you chew. 219 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,708 - It cut. - You chew, you chew. 220 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:47,295 It's raw and it makes you very virile inside. 221 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,379 And stamina. 222 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,880 The kabuki makes us have a boner. 223 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,841 - I'm getting one. Yeah. - Yeah, it does weirdly-- 224 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,551 That does feel... - Okay. 225 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:54,510 Ohh! 226 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,804 God damn it, their shell is really hard. 227 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,097 I wore the wrong pants. 228 00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,890 Thank you so much for the transaction. 229 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,309 It was a pleasure doing business with you. 230 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,145 - Here's your money. - Pleasure doing business. 231 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,063 - Fish and Wildlife! Hands up! - Oh, shit! 232 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,024 You're violating Endangered Species Act. 233 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,233 Let's go, fuckfaces! 234 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,444 Reno Sheriff's Department. We're doing a sting. 235 00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:14,614 - Where the fuck are you from? - We always do our stings here! 236 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:15,781 We do stings here all the time. 237 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:17,116 We're always doing stings here. 238 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,826 We're just busting a lot of pedophiles here. 239 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,244 We're doing this, and then we're doing-- 240 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,370 A guy's gonna come here... yeah. 241 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,747 Pedophile, pedophile, pedophile, 242 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,248 quick turtle break, two more pedophiles. 243 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,000 Honestly, this is kind of the fun part of our day. 244 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,377 And, actually, after you get past the shell stuff, 245 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,171 they tasted kinda good. 246 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:41,223 So my mom and I have been getting along very well lately. 247 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:47,104 I try and come visit her every Thursday if I can 248 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:50,816 because that was her favorite day of the week. 249 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:54,028 Her favorite color is burnt sienna. 250 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:58,240 But I keep telling her that's not a real color. 251 00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:01,243 But she's hard to argue with. 252 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:11,003 Hey, baby. I'm sorry I'm late. 253 00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:14,548 Jason played his game, which was great. 254 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,967 He went two-for-four. And he hit a double and he said, 255 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,762 "That's one's for Mom." Oh! 256 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,598 Hi. - Hi. 257 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,684 How are you? 258 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:26,394 Yeah. You know. 259 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,270 Who are you visiting? 260 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,023 Oh, um... 261 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,108 That's my mom. 262 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,652 - I'm sorry. - Me, too. So sad. 263 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,698 She just died in '98, so... That was sad. 264 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:40,491 '98, that's some time ago. 265 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,243 And you still come? That's beautiful. 266 00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:44,829 - Every day. - It was nice talking to you. 267 00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:49,333 Me, too. She was so... 268 00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:52,378 tall. 269 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,880 You wanna, um... - Talk to my wife? Yes. 270 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,465 Real quick, and then we'll catch up. 271 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,343 So I'll just give you a second. - I don't need to catch up. 272 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,888 And, um, Joey, he hit a double, 273 00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,182 and he got to second base, he looked up-- 274 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,600 I'm sorry, are you talking to me? 275 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,061 I'm talking to my wife. I'm talking to my wife. 276 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,896 Oh, God, I do that all the time. 277 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:14,108 So, I won't disturb you, I'll let you... 278 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,526 I'll let you talk to her. - Thank you. 279 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,445 - You're very welcome. - Family is so important. 280 00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:20,865 I think we should probably both do that. 281 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,241 Here's something that's great 282 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:25,578 that probably is gonna make you feel so much better. 283 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,496 Okay. 284 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:30,791 Do you see that grave right there next to my mom? 285 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:31,917 Mmm-hmm. 286 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:35,880 That's this guy. So, good news! 287 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,423 One of these days 288 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:41,594 me and your wife are gonna be besties. 289 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:45,306 That almost makes us sisters, in a weird way. 290 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:46,640 Like soul sisters. 291 00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,100 And sometimes guys fall in love 292 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,560 with one sister and they're like, 293 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,979 "Wait a second, I fell in love with the wrong sister." 294 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,731 It just happens sometimes, I don't know. 295 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,359 I read books about all kinds of different things. 296 00:12:57,401 --> 00:13:00,362 It was so not nice meeting you. 297 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,740 I love you, honey. 298 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:07,745 You can call 911 if you would like to get a hold of me. 299 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,330 I won't! 300 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,750 But seriously, please don't haunt me. 301 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,543 My mom's a real cunt, by the way. 302 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,420 So good luck with her. 303 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:28,599 Uh, Cindy, I'm getting-- Oh, this is awkward. 304 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,852 There's a box coming. There's gonna be a box... 305 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,562 - Okay. - And I use a funny-- 306 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,064 It's a funny name. 307 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:39,360 Is "box" another word for... something else? 308 00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:44,198 Can you tell I'm wearing a diaper these days? 309 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,158 They're cheaper if you get a bunch of them. 310 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,702 It's a very, very big box. But it won't be heavy. 311 00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:51,038 Don't put another PA 'cause it's-- 312 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,081 I'm gonna make a-- 313 00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,624 But you can't tell at all, right? 314 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:58,045 Officer Dangle, your diapers have arrived. 315 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,338 Damn it! Fuck it! 316 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,049 You gotta be a little bit ahead of the curve around here. 317 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,176 I think a little late on that one. 318 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,307 Clemmie, you wanna get this set up? 319 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,642 The camera's turned off. 320 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,854 Yeah, uh, so, this year, we can't go to Burning Man 321 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,564 'cause it's not happening in person, 322 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,275 and, you know, blend in undercover 323 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,485 to catch people doing illicit activities. 324 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:26,991 So we're going undercover on-- "Virtually." 325 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,367 Is that how they say it? - Sure. 326 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,327 We're only looking for drugs. 327 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:33,330 - Oh! People are showing up. - Oh, okay. 328 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,874 Hello, ladies. 329 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:39,003 Hey! - Hey, Burner. 330 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,380 You're having a good Burning Man? 331 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:45,050 - Yeah, I'm super stoned. - It's so enlightening. 332 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,261 I really wish I could be there riding a bike 333 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,721 naked from the waist down. 334 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:50,764 Speaking of LSD... 335 00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:52,850 - Yeah, speaking of. - What about it? 336 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,644 Speak, speak! You guys interested? 337 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:57,521 I'm open for business. 338 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,607 - Yes. - Fantastic! 339 00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:00,816 How much for those drugs? 340 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:03,777 And should we Venmo you? Or how do we do this? 341 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:04,945 I love drugs. 342 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,322 Why don't you come to my place? 343 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,573 I'm here right now. - Great. 344 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,409 I'm in Tallahassee, Florida. 345 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,077 Oh, wow! 346 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,663 - That's really far. - That's really far. 347 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,540 Can we mute you for just a second? 348 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,334 We all need to fart. 349 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,586 - I don't have to. - Here's the thing. 350 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:21,879 She's just lying. 351 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,048 Here's what we're gonna do... 352 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,593 Oh! Hello! 353 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,720 I'm Milosh, the snake man. 354 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,889 Hi, Milosh. 355 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:37,728 I got tattooed on the whites of my eyeballs. 356 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:41,148 Yeah. Oh, y eah. Yeah. 357 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,859 That's a good idea. You guys wanna see 358 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,694 my... my penis? 359 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,030 Uh, I do if it's in Washoe County. 360 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,990 Check out this part, I call it Cyclops. 361 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,618 Okay! Okay. 362 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,996 How did you get that in there? Uh, it's easy. 363 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,498 You put one glass eyeball in, 364 00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,416 you turn around, you go "Cyclops!" 365 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,251 - Hey, that's very clever. - That's good, that's festive. 366 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,171 The best thing for me is while I am a supplier, 367 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,966 I'm drug-free for the last 35 years. 368 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,259 - Okay, bye. - Thank you. 369 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,062 Good morning, Reno. 370 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,731 I'm Deputy Travis Jr. from the Reno Sheriff's Department. 371 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:26,443 When I think bass-- Back. Back, when I think back. 372 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,487 Go again, go again. Action! 373 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:31,073 Good morning, Reno. I'm Deputy Travis Jr. 374 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,866 from the Reno-- Cut. 375 00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,160 Good morning, Reno. Shit! 376 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,955 Rolling. - Sorry. 377 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,250 Washoe County-- Fuck it! Fuck! 378 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,086 Good morning, Reno. I'm not-- What? 379 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,464 My name's not Mark, fuckhead. Place marker. 380 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,508 "Mark." Say "stand on the tape." 381 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,218 Action! 382 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,596 Good morning, Deputy Junior-- Fuck it! 383 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,516 Fuck! - Okay. You're done. Let's go. 384 00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,185 We're still rolling, right? We're good? 385 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,313 And action! - Oh! 386 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,566 I didn't see you there. Hi! 387 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:08,569 I'm Deputy Jones from the Reno Sheriff's Department. 388 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:12,114 Good morning. And when I eat ass-- Fuck! 389 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:19,079 PERSON 1: Hey, pretty ladies, I'm Dreamcatcher. 390 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:22,499 Hey, Dreamcatcher. - Hey, catch. 391 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,543 - I like your chaps. - PERSON 1: Thanks very much. 392 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,754 You guys wanna see my dick for a little while? 393 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,298 - Yes. - PERSON 1: Here we go. 394 00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:31,592 Do you have any drugs you could put on your dick? 395 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,344 Are those googly eyes that you put on the end of your penis? 396 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,597 PERSON 1: Well, it's painted. I painted it for the Burn. 397 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,098 This is actually-- I've painted it 398 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,142 as a representation of my spirit animal. 399 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,436 - What's your spirit animal? - PERSON 1: It's a panda bear. 400 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,146 Can you tell? - I thought it was a gopher. 401 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,106 PERSON 1: No, if you look at my balls, you can tell. 402 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,483 No, it's totally a panda. 403 00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:48,901 PERSON 1: You know, I feel like 404 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,694 we gotta bring the spirit of the Burn. 405 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,154 - Totally. - A hundred percent. 406 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:55,532 I can't wait to watch an adult human person burn on fire. 407 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,950 PERSON 1: Oh, that's-- Wow... 408 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,702 That's so not the spirit of the Burn, but... 409 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,330 You guys want to do some drugs and have them? 410 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,415 - Oh, yeah! - I would love to do some drugs. 411 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:04,917 - That we pay for. - And have them. 412 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,627 PERSON 1: What are you guys looking for? 413 00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:09,421 - Um... - I love to toke on weed. 414 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,549 - PERSON 1: That's fully legal-- - Totally legal. 415 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,885 - Oh, here. Hi. - PERSON 2: Hey! 416 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,596 - Hi, I'm Trudy-- - PERSON 2: What's up, girls? 417 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,807 Ooh! Look at you! 418 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:20,933 Fabulous! 419 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:24,561 Look, I'm a... I look like a butterfly. 420 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,188 But I'm not, I'm just really a person. 421 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,398 PERSON 2: You're just a person that looks like one! 422 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,692 Burning Man! Burning Man! 423 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,236 PERSON 2: Burning Man! So what's going on? 424 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,695 - Are you burning? - PERSON 2: Wait, what? 425 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,115 Are you burning some drugs on a spoon? 426 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:40,536 PERSON 2: Your computer's old as fuck! I can't-- 427 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:41,829 Hold on, one second. 428 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:45,082 These people are-- I can't take these people anymore. 429 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,544 Look, before we get started. 430 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:51,922 I've been wasting my fucking time with people. 431 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,799 I'm in Reno, Nevada, 432 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,510 and I'm looking to get some drugs. 433 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,095 Normally I work in a police department, 434 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,763 and I can just go in the evidence room 435 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,306 and I can get myself some weed. 436 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:04,393 - Declan? - And everybody-- What? 437 00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,019 Is that you, Declan? 438 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:08,564 - Declan? - What the fuck? 439 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:11,942 God damn it! - Listen, this stays between us. 440 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,485 - You wanna see my dick? - No! 441 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,113 - No, thank you. - All right, I'm gone. 442 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,458 - Lieutenant? - Yes. 443 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,377 - Lieutenant Cutie Pie? - Yeah? 444 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,755 I did something bad but I wanna confess. 445 00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:35,090 Mmm-hmm. 446 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,135 I took your coin... on your desk. 447 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,138 But I'm putting it back. Your Pencey coin. 448 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,390 I'm bringing it back, okay? 449 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,684 Okay. That's it. - Bye. 450 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,895 Thank you. - Okay. You know what? 451 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:51,523 I feel good about that. I told you the truth. 452 00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:57,196 Cindy? 453 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,949 Cindy! Come back! - What? 454 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,159 You don't realize, Cindy! 455 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,369 - I said I'm sorry. - You did it! 456 00:20:04,411 --> 00:20:06,246 You did it! - I did it but I-- 457 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,290 No, Cindy, you're the one. 458 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:09,666 You passed the test. 459 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:13,545 I had 11 of these coins made. 460 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,422 Everybody fucking stole one. 461 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:19,343 You're the only one who brought it back. 462 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,677 It's yours. 463 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,471 It's all yours. 464 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,641 All of it. - What? "All" what? 465 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:29,269 - These are yours now. - Oh, honey, I didn't know you-- 466 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,271 Wait, no, you don't understand. 467 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,856 - Uh-uh. - This is just symbolic. 468 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:36,276 These are yours now. - Your shorts? 469 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,403 You're me. You get to be me now. 470 00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:41,406 And no one deserves it except for you. 471 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:42,783 - Okay. - It's yours. 472 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:44,868 - How much does it pay? - My job? 473 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,370 Yeah. 474 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,788 The richest pageantry of a life. 475 00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:51,708 - Yeah, how much, in dollars? - $19,500... a year. 476 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:52,918 - A year? - Yeah. 477 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,127 Let's put these back on. 478 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:56,255 We need you to put it back on right now.