1 00:00:00,709 --> 00:00:02,502 - JONES: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh! Hey, hey! 2 00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:05,088 - Hey, can we shoot him yet? - No, no, no! 3 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,549 We... We have to do the new protocol. 4 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,426 All right, all right. What is it? Number one. 5 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,760 "Establish a rapport." 6 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,846 Hi, guys. Uh... [stutters] How are you doin' this mornin'? 7 00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:16,141 I gotta ascertain... - Hey, guys, we're trying to... 8 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,728 "Verbally persuade the subject to comply." 9 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:21,563 Hey, why don't you stop? 10 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,481 Man, lookout! - Ow! 11 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:24,566 Hey, hey! 12 00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:27,944 I'm trying to be sympathetic to your needs and wants. 13 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,030 - That's right. - [both scream] 14 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:33,241 Damn it! He's being sympathetic, asshole! 15 00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:36,703 - Hold! [laughs] - PERSON: We're out of ammo. 16 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:39,497 - It actually worked! - It actually worked, man. 17 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:40,915 Aah! 18 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,459 Not cool, dude! 19 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,546 [cheering] 20 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,305 - [groans] - [crowd shouting] 21 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,933 Oh, my God! 22 00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:02,979 [screaming] 23 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,319 [police siren wailing] 24 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,491 - JIM: Good morning. - ALL: Good morning. 25 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:16,076 - JIM: Good morning, gang. - Yeah. 26 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:19,788 Uh... It's Firefighter Appreciation Week. 27 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:20,747 - Oh. - Ugh. 28 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:21,998 - Again? - [blows raspberry] 29 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,374 I wasn't gonna do... I'm not doing shit. 30 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,793 I'm just saying it... exists. 31 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,337 Uh, Junior, you had something... Junior's, uh, been... 32 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,631 Yeah, I just wanted to call everybody's attention 33 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,132 to a... a petition that's going around... 34 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:32,634 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - ...online... 35 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:35,136 There's a petition going around to cancel Paw Patrol. 36 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:39,099 Uh, and I would love everybody to get on it and sign it. 37 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,017 I think it's cop-aganda. 38 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,352 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 39 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,771 And I think if we're all gonna be part of the cancer culture, 40 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,106 I think we gotta hop on it 41 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,732 and take that thing down. - JIM: Hey, Trav... [mumbles] 42 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,067 CHERISHA: I think it's called "cancel culture." 43 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,276 - Cancer culture? - Cancer? 44 00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:52,570 - "Cancel." - It's like a negative cancer 45 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,280 against police officers. - Cancel. 46 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,074 Oh, I never knew what that meant. 47 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,784 - TRAVIS: Yeah, cancer culture. - Oh. 48 00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,410 Yeah, it's like you say one thing wrong 49 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,997 and everybody's like, "That guy said the n-word ten years ago, 50 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:04,874 let's give him cancer on the internet." 51 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,126 - That's sick! - Yeah! 52 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,460 CLEMENTINE: You... You've convinced me. 53 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,837 - TRAVIS: Yeah. - That is sick. 54 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:11,464 It's five little dogs and there's a fireman. 55 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,299 - JIM: Fuck 'em! - Oh, I'm out. 56 00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:14,425 Fuck 'em. 57 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,636 And then there's one that just fucking recycles. 58 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,096 Which is like, "What the fuck?" 59 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,890 And they just found a meteor that gave them all superpowers. 60 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,976 It really fucking junked the show. 61 00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:25,812 Excuse me, the Black guy has a question. 62 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:26,938 Yeah, guys... 63 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,439 - Do you not know Jones' name? - Of course I do! 64 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,525 But I was respecting his heritage 65 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,110 like we've been asked to do! 66 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,486 - Okay. - RAINEESHA: Oh! Okay. 67 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,697 - JIM: Jones? - Just, just, just a question. 68 00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:39,075 Do... Do we or do we not announce ourselves 69 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:42,203 before we go to... into a residence? 70 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:43,872 - Oof. - CHERISHA: A residence? 71 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,791 Do we say that we do or do we really do it? 72 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,797 Hello. Hello, miss. Hey, hi. 73 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,425 I'm... I'm here to, uh... 74 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,302 First of all, let me apologize to you. I... 75 00:02:57,343 --> 00:03:01,222 I... I see that you are in a hurry but I got a call saying, 76 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,517 from the store, that, uh... an African American woman, 77 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:07,645 5'6"-5'7", was caught shoplifting... [mumbles] 78 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:11,691 Shoplifting? Where am I gonna put something that I stole? 79 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,401 Hey, you know what... - [stutters] 80 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,861 I... I know you're doing your job 81 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,404 but I... I really have to go. - Thank you. 82 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,698 - I really have to go. So... - I... I understand that. 83 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,743 But I... I have to obtain you for just a second 84 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:25,038 and wait for a female officer to come and pat you down. 85 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,248 I'm a lawyer. I don't know if I've mentioned that to you. 86 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,834 I'm a lawyer and I have a case that I need to get to. 87 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,669 - You look very lawyer-y. - I know! 88 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,713 - Listen, sister. Right? - No. 89 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,216 - Yeah. Right? Come on, now. - No. 90 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,260 There is nowhere that I can put things that I stole. 91 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:42,013 - Okay? I have no pockets. - I'm not looking at that. 92 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,891 There's just a gorgeous teal bra. 93 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,976 - Yeah. - Okay, I have an idea... 94 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,019 [radio chatter] 95 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,397 How about I harass you first? - Mm. 96 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,984 You then frisk me and then I can't make a complaint... 97 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,528 Then we're both touching each other at the same time, 98 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,780 and that way, it... - Okay. 99 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,156 - That's null and void. - That's... Yeah. 100 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:03,534 - One, two, three. - Two... 101 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,578 - Oh, my God! - What? 102 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,163 Janine Hogan, ACLU. 103 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,831 I cannot believe that just happened. 104 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,083 I will see you in court. - That's... 105 00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:11,459 - Can I talk to you? - Absolutely. 106 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,128 Thank you so much. I think this angle... 107 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,471 Hey! The new Kevlar's here! 108 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,848 [cops cheering] 109 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,558 All the way from Japan. 110 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:28,935 JAMES: Gather round, gather round. 111 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,520 - This was expensive! - Look at this! 112 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:33,231 - That's like a fanny pack. - Look at this! 113 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,816 I know what it is, you know why? 114 00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:38,695 Unless I'm crazy, does it do... does it Iron Man open? 115 00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,446 I mean, it was expensive enough. 116 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:44,033 - Oh, yeah, we just... - No, it's just a fanny pack. 117 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,827 I think these are, like, for underwater. 118 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:49,414 - Yeah, these are waterproof. - Oh, guys, they're real tight. 119 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,457 - You know what I think it is. - What? 120 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,376 I think it makes your head real tight 121 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,712 so you can fit through tighter spaces. 122 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,505 - JIM: Oh, hello! - JONES: No, no! 123 00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,048 Yeah... No, I got it. I got it. 124 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,759 Wait... Maybe you're supposed to zip your balls in there. 125 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,553 Want me to call the Fire Department? 126 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,054 I feel like that's just something 127 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,389 you want me to try to do. 128 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,558 Jim, try... Please, for me, try and zip your balls in there. 129 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,101 - No. - Let's... I've got an idea. 130 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,644 Everyone take turns trying them on, 131 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,563 get in a line, I'll punch you in the balls, 132 00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,398 and we'll see if it works. - JIM: Okay. 133 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,484 - Hey, guys, it's... - For a fucking mutt. 134 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,778 - That makes more sense. - That makes way more sense. 135 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,405 - Yeah. - You know what... 136 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,740 - This doesn't go... - You know what? 137 00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,283 It does make sense, 'cause you know what? 138 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,286 That zipper pouch... For dog balls. 139 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:35,376 Hello, it's the Reno Sheriff's Department. 140 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:39,088 Boy, this year, it's really become en vogue 141 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:42,008 to hate on police officers. 142 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,217 Holy cow! 143 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,844 Message received. 144 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:49,098 And we just wanted to take a moment out of your busy day 145 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,850 from your disputes with your family 146 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,186 that you want us to stop and things like that... 147 00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:57,065 To say, " Please be... Please. Please be nice to us." 148 00:05:57,106 --> 00:06:02,070 You have no idea what we have to go through in a day. 149 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:06,991 Right now, I'm wearing an adult diaper 150 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,410 because I'm also wearing 151 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:14,165 a required regulation onesie without a flap. 152 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,627 And it's very hard to get it off 153 00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:20,380 when you have to go number two. 154 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:23,925 And it almost always means getting fully nude... 155 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,886 in... [clears throat] ...fast-food restaurants, 156 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:30,098 for Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos, 157 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,724 the back of a Pagan Chicken. 158 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:36,062 Have you ever eaten an entire cheese log at Christmas 159 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,815 and then the next day you think, 160 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:41,401 "Today's the day I'm gonna poop." 161 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:42,402 But it isn't. 162 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:43,861 What Trudy is trying to say is... 163 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:47,907 "Please be nice to us for a second." 164 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,201 [sighs] 165 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,286 And we're sorry for all of this. 166 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,205 Obviously, systemic racism, blah, blah, blah. 167 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,332 Yeah, we're sorry about that. 168 00:06:57,166 --> 00:07:01,421 But... also, p-please be nice to us. 169 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,306 Since the budget of the Reno Sheriff's Department 170 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,809 has been cut by 85%... 171 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,311 It's hard to believe we were ever fully funded 172 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:20,690 because we've always had to have bake sales and stuff like that 173 00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:21,899 to make ends meet. 174 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,401 Fundraising for this job 175 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,779 is taking time away from all my side hustles. 176 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,990 When am I gonna sell my catalog stuff? 177 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,784 When am I gonna do my webcam work? 178 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:36,706 You know, my Venmo... [chuckles] ...is... is drying up. 179 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,548 TRAVIS: Doesn't smell too good in here, does it? 180 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,091 That's the jail that smells like that. 181 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,593 You know why it smells like that? 182 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,804 That's because sometimes people will defecate in there. 183 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,891 Do you know what defecate means? It means shit. 184 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:59,729 Scumbags come in here and shit themselves in that cell. 185 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:03,941 They do that because they're the fucking scum of the Earth. 186 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:07,069 You know how they started down that road? 187 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:11,240 They started... just like you. 188 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:14,118 "I'm not gonna listen to my teacher." 189 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,623 Or "I'm gonna smoke some cock so I can score some crack. 190 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,293 And then I'm gonna give handjobs and blowjobs 191 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,669 to some weird dude I never know, 192 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:26,339 just so maybe he'll toss me a little meth in the morning." 193 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:27,423 Is that what you want? 194 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,634 I'm gonna find 195 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:33,137 your foot in a river, your foot in a river! 196 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:37,767 If you stay on this path, I will fuck you over myself! 197 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,937 I will rip your fucking face off! 198 00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:44,065 Get your shit together! - TRAVIS: You know... 199 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,316 Let me at 'em! 200 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,444 I'm gonna bite your nose off! - Get outta here while you can. 201 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,779 There they are. Okay. 202 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,906 Uh, the lieutenant governor is ready to give these kids 203 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,241 their Great Citizen Awards. 204 00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,825 And we gotta move them 'cause the Scared Straight kids 205 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,244 are coming in right now, and they both bite. 206 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:58,162 The governor's waiting for you. Up front. 207 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,247 How did I lose you guys? 208 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,998 Watch out, watch out, these dudes bite. 209 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,589 You guys heard all the shit we said to those kids, right? 210 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:11,926 We're good. 211 00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,265 In light of recent events, 212 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:19,684 and the frequency of the civil unrests in the streets, 213 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,852 the Reno Sheriff's Department has been given a mandate 214 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,730 to kind of tone down some of our riot control gear. 215 00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:26,691 Make it a little bit more, uh, "people-friendly." 216 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:30,236 Let's say you have, uh... you have a peaceful protester... 217 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:33,072 Uh, non-peaceful. "Non-peaceful protester." 218 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,199 Someone exercising their Second Amendments rights. 219 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,618 - First. They're both great! - They're both great. 220 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:42,957 Uh, what we have here is a tear gas that's, you know, only 75%. 221 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,376 [screams, mumbles] 222 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,877 That's fine! - That's fine, right? 223 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,046 You can still protest, right? - I can still protest. 224 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,465 - Bernie, Bernie! - AOC! 225 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:52,925 We also have... This is kind of fun, 226 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:56,137 this is kinda yummy, a habanero pepper spray. 227 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,014 [screams] 228 00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:01,684 It cleared off the tear gas. - It sure did. 229 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,853 - Yeah. - And we got rubber bullets. 230 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,146 [screams] 231 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:06,814 You might as well be throwing jelly beans out 232 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,149 at the Easter parade. - Pfft. 233 00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,692 Okay, they get it, they get it, they get it! 234 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,695 This is one of my favorites. This is a bean bag gun. 235 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,197 - And what happens is... - All right, do it. 236 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,658 Uh... It's not working, Junior. 237 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,077 I'll turn up the, uh... the pressure here. 238 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,495 - Yep, get the pressure up good. - Yep. 239 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,039 Son of a bitch! Yeah. - Oh, let me, let me... 240 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,791 - Uh... Yeah, knock it out. - All right. 241 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:28,085 You get the point. - Uh... You get the point, yeah. 242 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,171 - [screams] - Oh! 243 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:31,881 [groans] 244 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,681 [mumbling] 245 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,725 - No! - Yes! 246 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,478 - No... - [grumbles] 247 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,232 No. There are no words. 248 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:51,817 - Every day... - I know! 249 00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:52,985 ...in the middle of my shift, 250 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,528 I have my Cheesletons. - Oh, fuck! 251 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,865 They're defunding us more. The snack machine was there. 252 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:01,118 [humming] 253 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,664 Don't... Don't tell her, just let her... She'll figure it out. 254 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:10,169 [continues humming] 255 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,963 ♪ Get some snack in I wanna get ♪ 256 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,007 - That's quite a ritual. - [continues singing] 257 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,093 She does this every time she comes in here by herself. 258 00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,177 You never saw this? 259 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,970 I think it's the best part of her day. 260 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,181 ♪ I'm gonna get some snack ♪ [humming] 261 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,891 She's... You know she's legally blind, right? 262 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,643 - I didn't know that... - You didn't know that? 263 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,311 Yeah, she and Travis both. Yeah. 264 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,562 Hey, Trude? - Yeah? 265 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,690 You saw they took the snack machine, right? 266 00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:32,608 - Fuck! - Yeah, sorry. 267 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,652 Made a great sound when they would drop, didn't it? 268 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,238 Such a good sound. And then, always... 269 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,906 Whatever was in N-5, 270 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,950 you knew you could shake it loose. 271 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,743 Is it being repaired? 272 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:46,038 Wait, hang on. Huddle up. [mumbles] 273 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,040 It's just being repaired, right? 274 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,250 Yeah, actually, it is. 275 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,710 It's being repaired. - Just get through the day. 276 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:51,919 - It's coming. - It's coming. 277 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,754 There's a new day coming. Yeah. 278 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,172 [humming] 279 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,174 - Yep. - Son of a bitch. 280 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,843 - Yeah. - They grinched it in the night. 281 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:03,222 ♪ Mr. Cheesleton He's the duke of snacks ♪ 282 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,265 Fuck! 283 00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,142 ♪ Mr. Cheesleton... ♪ 284 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:06,976 JIM: Shit. 285 00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,519 ♪ He's the king of... ♪ 286 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,813 Are you... What? - [Cherisha sobbing] 287 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,440 I can't work here anymore, Jim. 288 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,984 I say that every fucking day! But now it's worse. 289 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,777 I'm done. Fuck! 290 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,155 I spent a whole Christmas Eve 291 00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:21,449 with my arm in that thing. - Remember that Christmas Eve? 292 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,742 CLEMENTINE: We remember. 293 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,494 JIM: We... Oh, man, I wish we'd found you sooner. 294 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,288 Where'd this go? 295 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,415 They took it. They grinched it in the night. 296 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,208 Are you fucking kidding me? 297 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,668 - No. - Part of the defunding. 298 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,587 That snack machine was the last place 299 00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:37,923 in the United fucking States to get Cheesletons. 300 00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,508 And they fucking got rid of it? 301 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:43,053 I am going to fucking murder someone, for real! 302 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,474 I am murdering someone! - Don't do-- I'll calm him down. 303 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,768 Get online. See if you can find Cheesletons anywhere. 304 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,061 You're not gonna be able to calm him down, I get it. 305 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,564 - Fuck this place. - Hey, you guys. 306 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,399 They just moved the snack machine. 307 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,651 It's down the hall. And guess what... 308 00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,487 Huge bags of Cheesletons. 309 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,322 - Oh, it's in Processing? - Oh, thank God! 310 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:04,366 Oh, fuck, I read that memo and I forgot. I forgot. 311 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,084 Whoa! 312 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:17,171 Yeah. We've had a... uh, a string of burglaries, uh, 313 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,381 here in the, uh, Reno area. 314 00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,050 Two, but it's still pretty cool. 315 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,344 JONES: And so we did something a little unorthodox. 316 00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:27,681 We, uh, found an advertisement for a psychic 317 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,850 that might be able to help us 318 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:33,062 figure out this string of burglaries. 319 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,855 It can't hurt. It can't hurt to try. 320 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,065 - Knock-knock! - Hey. 321 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:37,233 - Hey! - Oh... 322 00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:40,069 - Hey, Clem. - Someone call for Ms. Chloe? 323 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,696 Uh, I... I did. Yeah. What? 324 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:46,617 Did you know I was psychic? Did you know that? 325 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,868 Oh, you are her? 326 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,078 - Yes! - Wow! 327 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,456 Between my love line and my life line is a cross. 328 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,917 That means I have the gift. 329 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,545 So I started exploring it. - [cops mumbling] 330 00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,631 I've really been doing the work, I've done Ayahuasca. 331 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:04,176 I've mended all my fences in my past lives. 332 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,137 TRAVIS: This is real cool. 333 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,641 - There's history here. - I fucking knew it! 334 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,309 - Didn't I say? - JIM: Trudy! Trudy! 335 00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:13,686 CLEMENTINE: This has been touched. 336 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:18,148 Whoever touched this last has a financial problem. 337 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,984 Well, how do you know that's not a shopper 338 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,902 that tried it on? - [shushing] 339 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,153 Whoever did this, 340 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,490 uh, very elevated heart rate at the time of the break-in. 341 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,826 - Yes! Yes! Yes! - Okay, that makes sense. 342 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,203 Whoever did this... 343 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,124 has a disdain... - Mm. 344 00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:37,001 ...for low-quality merchandise. 345 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,836 - Wow! - JIM: Mistress Chloe? 346 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,004 Yes. 347 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,256 This is awkward but 348 00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:45,092 can you tell... can you tell me anything? 349 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,095 Just... I had a really weird feeling today. 350 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,805 Oh, this is not gonna be good. 351 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,060 - Go. Go, the station's on fire. - [Jones mumbles] 352 00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:56,937 - The station's on fire. - Shit! 353 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,856 - That station's on fire, go! - I see smoke. 354 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:02,985 - Thank you! Thank you, Cleo! - Yes, you're welcome. 355 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,403 You're welcome. 356 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:07,114 And I'm taking this... 357 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,159 And I'm taking these. 358 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,077 Because I don't believe for one minute 359 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,496 that anyone's gonna Venmo me anything. 360 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,457 And my time is valuable. 361 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,176 [indistinct shouting] 362 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:33,682 - Somebody's gotta go. - ALL: Not it! 363 00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,060 - Shit. - Yes! 364 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:37,770 Good luck. 365 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,063 - All right. - Get 'em. 366 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,481 - I love you, sir. - I love you back. 367 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,775 - One, two, three! - Do it. 368 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,568 Go, go, go! Close the door! 369 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,781 [indistinct clamoring] 370 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,956 - Oh, God! You made it back. - Oh! 371 00:15:56,997 --> 00:16:00,250 All right, Amazon. Johnson, there you go. 372 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,293 Thank you. 373 00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,754 We got, uh... boner drugs from Canada. 374 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,005 - Oh! - There you go. 375 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,007 - JIM: Whoa, whoa, whoa! - More boner drugs. 376 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,300 Did my Highlights magazine come? 377 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,219 TRAVIS: I got... Oh, hey. 378 00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,930 - [Cherisha gasps] - "For the brave men and women 379 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,223 of the Reno Sheriff's Department." 380 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,349 - Oh, that's nice! - TRAVIS: Wow! 381 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,976 We got a... We got a fan. 382 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,394 That's weird, everybody else hates us. 383 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:20,938 Look at that. Brownies. - TRAVIS: Brownies! 384 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,147 Want to just scoop 'em? 385 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,149 - Just scoop it, yeah. - Is that shit? 386 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,609 - That's shit. - JAMES: Shit! 387 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,610 - Ugh. - Oh. 388 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,612 - That's shit. - That's shit? 389 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,115 - Hundred percent. 100%. - Hundred percent. 390 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,667 I'm Raineesha Williams 391 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,919 with a public service announcement. 392 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,879 When we are out on the streets, 393 00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:49,133 people shout all kinds of things at us. 394 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,218 Like, "You're gonna lose your job!" 395 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:54,763 And, "You're a disgrace to your badge." 396 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,349 "You should be fired." 397 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,727 Shouting at us doesn't do anything. 398 00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:02,730 If you want to get me fired, here's what to do. 399 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:09,111 Send a complaint in writing to the Nevada Public Inquiry Unit. 400 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:13,115 Tell them Officer Raineesha Williams committed, 401 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,366 and write this part down, 402 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:19,121 "a flagrant class B violation of my civil rights." 403 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:26,545 Or you can log on to - NVPIU.ORG/ - COMPLAINTS... 404 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,131 and say Raineesha Williams, 405 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:33,177 R-A-I-N-E-E-S-H-A Williams, 406 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:38,307 committed a flagrant class B violation of my civil rights. 407 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:42,019 And I will be suspended immediately 408 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,021 with full pay and pension, 409 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,066 which I do not get if I just quit. 410 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:52,362 And I will be out on my ass, and justice will be served. 411 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:56,575 And I'll be getting served a well drink piña colada 412 00:17:56,617 --> 00:18:00,245 in an affordable timeshare in Boco Raton. 413 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:03,332 Officers are standing by. 414 00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,670 Did anybody call yet? 415 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,348 [indistinct chatter] 416 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,561 Phew. 417 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,315 You know what, guys, if you don't know this, 418 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,067 I want to tell you this now... 419 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:33,862 It... It... It's... It's been an honor, really. 420 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:38,867 [stutters] If I'm gonna go down, I wanna go down with you guys. 421 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,869 I don't necessarily want that, 422 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,580 if there's an option to not go down at all. 423 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,124 - Is there an option? - JIM: Obviously, yeah. 424 00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,209 Yeah, it doesn't make anybody a bad person. 425 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,418 JONES: That's the first option. 426 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,628 - Okay. - TRAVIS: Yeah. 427 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,088 I... Fuck it, I wanna die water skiing, 428 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,966 I've told you guys for years. I never saw this. 429 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:56,593 In fact, that lady you sent me to 430 00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,429 told me I would die waterskiing. - Mm-hmm. 431 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,267 Every day, I believe everybody's entitled 432 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,936 to just a... a tiny little bit of happiness. 433 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:09,565 I make sure every day at some point, 434 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:13,902 I read a little MAD magazine and then masturbate. 435 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,112 CLEMENTINE: Aww. 436 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,947 You're doing like the Don Martin or Al Jaffee? 437 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,115 No, it's separate. 438 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,701 I don't read MAD magazine, then masturbate. 439 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:25,205 I do both of those things at some point during the day. 440 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,791 When I need to blow off some steam, 441 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,626 I'll find a leathery young homeless guy 442 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,337 with nothing to lose and I... I'll pick a fight with him. 443 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,048 Do you guys ever buy too many salad greens 444 00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,593 and then you... they just go rotten in the fridge? 445 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,179 You always think you have a little more time with them. 446 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:43,473 CLEMENTINE: I'm gonna have that... that salad tomorrow. 447 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,976 FRANK: I wish I would have tried harder to find my brother. 448 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,521 TRUDY: You mean Rick Rizzo? We bring him in a lot. 449 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,106 JIM: Wait, Trudy, are you talking about 450 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,900 - Rick Rizzo, the pool pooper? - Yeah. 451 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,610 Oh, you don't wanna meet your brother. 452 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:55,903 We know who he is. - Mm-hmm. 453 00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:59,948 Lately, uh, to just soothe myself at home, 454 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:04,995 I put on, uh, documentaries about, mm, things like... 455 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,039 This is gonna be, this... I know... 456 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,292 I just feel like time's... time's tight. 457 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,961 - Is everybody gonna go? - Oh, I... I don't have to go. 458 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,756 Thank you. That's what I meant, I guess. 459 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,090 Oh! 460 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,133 [indistinct chatter] 461 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,886 - [saw buzzing] - [cops screaming] 462 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,395 Sorry, we would've been here sooner 463 00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:32,773 but somebody couldn't find the saw. 464 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:35,317 Okay, look, the riots ended a while back, 465 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,985 you guys okay? 466 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:40,822 - ALL: Yeah, we're good. - Are you guys okay? 467 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:43,158 ALL: Are you guys okay? 468 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,035 Are you guys hiding? 469 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,578 - RAINEESHA: Uh... Who, me? No. - JONES: No! 470 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,790 We were building a fort, um... with these. 471 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:51,500 Look at this. Everybody, get under. 472 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:54,253 - She's holding the fort. - Great job, guys. Really. 473 00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,255 Fuck you, Greg. Thanks very much.