1 00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:01,668 How are you doing today? 2 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:02,711 What? I'm good. 3 00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,129 - You're good? I'm great. - Yeah. 4 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,588 Yeah. I'm just hanging out. 5 00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:07,465 - Hanging out by the mailbox. - Yeah. 6 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,634 - Big mailbox fan. - I love-- Yeah. 7 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,095 Could you put your hands on the box, please? 8 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,930 - Right now? - Yeah. 9 00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:18,393 Oh! What have you got there? 10 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,812 All right, these are just-- I was just, you know-- 11 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,398 Hand 'em over. Illegal in Washoe County. 12 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,524 For the future, 13 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,234 these won't even dent this thing. 14 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,277 Yeah. 15 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,154 I mean, that's why I put way more in there, 16 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:31,031 that's what these were all-- 17 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,200 Fuck! 18 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,786 Shit! Fuck! 19 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,761 Oh, my God! 20 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,236 Good morning, gang. Good morning. 21 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,490 Not so great news. Um... 22 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:16,242 All of the Pagan Chickens are closing, did people know that? 23 00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:17,535 All of them? 24 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,079 Yeah. They literally just put out a press release, 25 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,789 they said, please do not pray for them. 26 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,874 They don't want your thoughts, they don't want your prayers. 27 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,250 I mean, I guess they said 28 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:27,128 if you wanna celebrate their closing, 29 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:30,298 you know, bring a wicker item or something. 30 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,549 Thanks to my Secret Santa, 31 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,468 I've now got a gift card that's useless. 32 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,137 Shit! That is true. Um-- That is a shame. 33 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,056 Do they know what's gonna be put up there now? 34 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,266 Or what that's gonna be? Yeah. - At the main one? 35 00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,727 There was that place that does CBD and guns. 36 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,145 Have you seen these guys? - Yeah. 37 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,772 I got a neighbor who's trying to open up 38 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,190 one of those somersault places. 39 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,901 I'll let him know there's gonna be properties available. 40 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,653 What about that pigfoot spot? 41 00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,321 The pigfoot spot's doing great. 42 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,906 I would do pigfeet for lunch today. 43 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,575 - It's-- - How many do you get? 44 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,703 Oh, I mean, you get a whole yard-full. 45 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,497 Thank you for letting me come in late. 46 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,748 That guy's been-- 47 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,458 Supposed to meet me to buy my lawnmower for too-- 48 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,335 You get a yard of pigfeet? Yeah, mmm-hmm. 49 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,504 That's how they line them up? Yeah. 50 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,631 - Travis? - They have a thing where you-- 51 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,136 Did I miss something? 52 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,805 Yeah, there's-- The Pagan Chicken's closing. 53 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,223 Yeah, the Pagan Chicken's down. 54 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,641 The pigfoot place is doing really well. 55 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,852 No, the pigfoot place is great. 56 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:28,022 But... What's the joke? 57 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,650 Oh! Did you not-- You didn't get the memo? 58 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:31,985 Where do we get memos? 59 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,820 Okay, okay. In your fucking bin! 60 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,239 Literally lean on your ass, which is warm 61 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,491 all day, everyday. We gotta do the-- 62 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,161 So, after, especially, last year, 63 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,079 which was not our best year. 64 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,706 Not our fault. - Bad interactions. 65 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,457 I had a pretty good year, considering-- 66 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:49,002 The City Council wants us to look friendlier, 67 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:50,211 and this was-- 68 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,172 It's fucking mandatory. Just wear the hats. 69 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:55,300 We're supposed to be a friendlier face... 70 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:56,342 Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 71 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:58,428 ...to the city of Reno. So-- 72 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,889 Look, I pull you over, I come up in this. 73 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,390 You're gonna smile. - I'm way less-- 74 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,058 You're gonna smile. - I actually think-- 75 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,352 As stupid as it is, they have a pretty good point. 76 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,604 It is disarming. 77 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,314 It kinda breaks out the-- Yeah, you look good. 78 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,773 - Yeah. - You pull it off. 79 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,901 - All right. - These are mandatory? 80 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,110 Mandatory. 81 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,154 Forty hours a week, we gotta wear this thing? 82 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,947 No, you only have to wear it 83 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,949 when you're clocked in and on duty. 84 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,451 Hey, Junior-- 85 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,494 Or traveling to and from the station. 86 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,746 I forgot to clock in. 87 00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,331 I'll see you guys for lunch. No. 88 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,375 - Pig place? - They got pigfoot by the yard. 89 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:32,295 He definitely bought it. He bought it, he's gonna do it. 90 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,755 He's gonna fucking wear it all day. 91 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,383 Let's get some footage of him. 92 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:40,136 We'll put that like the Benny Hill music. 93 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,513 Fuckin' A! - He's a fucking-- I'm sorry. 94 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,058 He saved my life a couple of times, but fuck that guy. 95 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,267 Fuck that guy. 96 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,858 We've had a problem with our department, 97 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,109 and that is bike theft. 98 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,737 Dangle gets his bike stolen all the time. 99 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,823 So, I got him this repugnant bike, 100 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,158 and he loves it. 101 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,827 They've combined the two things that you love most in life, 102 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,580 or at least that Dangle does. 103 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,707 Exercise, and laying down. 104 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,668 - Yes! - Oh! Look at him. 105 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,002 I'm gonna slalom it, watch-- 106 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,712 Sorry. - Okay. 107 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:17,423 Yes! 108 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:21,261 - I did that. Sorry. I'm okay. - So badass! 109 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,887 Look at that. 110 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,139 And, just like me, 111 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,392 it never backpedals. It has no reverse. 112 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:31,646 You can leave this bike literally anywhere, 113 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,189 and no one will touch it. 114 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,691 Safe as houses. It's amazing. 115 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:37,151 I don't carry-- There's no lock. I don't carry a lock anymore. 116 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:38,778 Seven days in. Untouched. 117 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:42,490 We're gonna go give bone marrow over at the Armenian salon. 118 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,118 Mmm-hmm. - Uh-- Dollars to donuts, 119 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,869 no one's gonna fuck with the bike. 120 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,454 We'll watch. Leave it. 121 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,958 Every time we give bone marrow, I feel lighter. 122 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,876 I mean, it's like I feel like I got a colonic. 123 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,587 Still here. See! 124 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,590 ♪ Nobody messes with repugnant bike ♪ 125 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,134 I'm gonna watch you go away. 126 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,386 - ♪ Nobody-- ♪ - 'Cause I just love it. 127 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,517 - Someone-- That's shit. - Dangle! 128 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,228 Somebody shit on my repugnant bike. 129 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,108 Doin' it, and then what we do... 130 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,819 When you come in usually, you slam on the brakes! 131 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,905 Junior Deputy Day! 132 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:26,784 Reporting for duty! Sound off! Jim. 133 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,745 Travis. 134 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:31,205 - Say your goddamn name-- - Say your goddamn name-- 135 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,416 Junior Deputy, sound off! Jim! 136 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,751 - Travis! - Oliver! 137 00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,794 Very good. Next time, just do it on the first time. 138 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,379 - Yeah, you should work on that. - Thanks, okay. 139 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:41,215 So, you know, uh, we take the Junior Deputies out, 140 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,259 we do... just the fun stuff. 141 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,303 - Firearm safety. - Firearm stuff. 142 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,013 You're getting pretty good with a gun, right? 143 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,723 Is my safety on or off? 144 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:49,932 - Off. - Shit. 145 00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:51,100 Don't be a smartass. 146 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,602 So, we take 'em out, we do fun stuff, 147 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,687 and we have-- The weird thing is we've had-- 148 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,398 Uh, because of climate change, which is a... 149 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,858 - Myth. - Thank you. 150 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,611 The bears have been moving in closer and closer to town, 151 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,862 so we've been putting out traps. 152 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,031 We set the bear traps all over here, 153 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,575 Bears have been terrorizing this neighborhood. 154 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,036 ♪ ...with the Junior Deputies ♪ 155 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,789 Oh! Six o'clock. Where? 156 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,749 Six o'clock. At six o'clock? 157 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,626 Oh, shit. Shit. Your six o'clock. 158 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,461 That's a human head. We got a human head. 159 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,630 Hey! 160 00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,006 Oh, Jackie! Jesus! 161 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,801 I was hoping you guys were gonna come because, listen... 162 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:25,927 Uh-- Okay. 163 00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,720 - Something very bad happened. - What happened? 164 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,514 We couldn't ask you a couple of questions 165 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,891 about a human head in a bear trap? 166 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,184 There's a head in the trap. 167 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,644 So, here is what happened. 168 00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:35,937 I'll tell you exactly what happened. 169 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,232 There's some poor fucker... 170 00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:40,942 Is this on? Is this on? 171 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,527 I think it is. Some poor fucker-- 172 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,737 - It's switched off. - Goddamn it! 173 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,280 - There you go, it's on. - I gotta get a new one. 174 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,241 No, it's working. Look, the light's on now. 175 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,992 Oliver, Junior Deputy, let me explain. 176 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:53,621 Jackie does crack cocaine, and she lives here. 177 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,580 She's like a-- 178 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,165 I live here in the summertime 179 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,459 'cause it gets way too hot up on that hill. 180 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,878 Yeah, her winter place inside the bigger dumpster. 181 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,880 - It's being remodeled. - Shit, we got more parts. 182 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,048 So, the head is there. 183 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,466 - So, this is kinda fun. - Come here. 184 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,051 You should see this, kid. - This is kinda fun. 185 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,469 This is like the game "Clue", 186 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,888 where you gotta kinda put together the evidence-- 187 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,057 Jackie. How-- - Yep. 188 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,601 How-- I wish you weren't seeing this, Junior Deputies, 189 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,562 but, how, if the head ended up there, 190 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:18,771 why is there a leg over here? 191 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,064 Here's a better question. 192 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,108 How come his balls are in this bag? 193 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,276 Riddle me that. 194 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,902 Jackie, that's an amazing question. 195 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,363 There's gonna be good days on the Junior Deputy squad, 196 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,366 and then there's days, there's other days. 197 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,826 I'm gonna get our prints off this stuff. 198 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,286 Let's get the prints off of this. 199 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,412 This is a good thing to learn. 200 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,830 There you go. There you go. 201 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,915 And you put it right there. 202 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,083 Nobody touched that. 203 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,751 Bye, you guys. Next time you come 204 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,379 I'll have the swimming pool all filled up, probably. 205 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,715 So, where were we never? 206 00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:47,383 - There. - There. Exactly right. 207 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,010 We were never there. - Right! 208 00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:01,856 Hello. 209 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,692 Or should I say Bonjourno! 210 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,904 Hej! Or Kamusta! 211 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,448 It may sound as if I've just had a stroke. 212 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,284 But if you're Corsican, Danish or Filipino, 213 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,287 you know that I was just saying, "Hello!" 214 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,040 Visiting Reno can be difficult, 215 00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,541 if you don't speak the language. 216 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,502 So, the tourism board has come up 217 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:24,670 with a phrase translation app 218 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,923 to help make your stay a little easier. 219 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:30,885 Simply select on the flag icon from your native country, 220 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,721 and the app with translate over 50 phrases 221 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,224 that you will more than likely need 222 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,601 on your trip here to Reno. 223 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,357 "What time does the gift shop open 224 00:08:44,398 --> 00:08:46,150 at the Bowling Hall of Fame?" 225 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,906 "Help! My sister has gone missing." 226 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,204 "This isn't cocaine, Officer. 227 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,331 It's just a baggy full of foot powder." 228 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,500 "I found a foot in my hotel room." 229 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,422 "I think this prostitute overcharged me." 230 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:09,382 In Greek. 231 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,513 Efharisto. 232 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,889 It's all Greek to me. 233 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:20,434 We want everyone to feel comfortable here in Reno. 234 00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:25,064 Some might bring kids, see the sights, spend money-- 235 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,358 American dollars only, please. 236 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,318 Then go back to wherever you came from. 237 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:34,240 This can make your trip a little more appetizing. 238 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:37,159 Even if you're Greek. 239 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,960 - Morning. - Hi. 240 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,129 - How are you doing today? - Hi. 241 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,922 Hi, we're doing all right. Was I-- 242 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,091 Yeah, you know, that last curve back there 243 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,135 has a 15 mile an hour speed limit. 244 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,637 And you guys were doing about 22. 245 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:57,805 Geez, I'm sorry. 246 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,432 Can I see your license and registration? 247 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:02,393 Yeah, absolutely. Of course. Will you look in that glove box? 248 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,853 Yeah. 249 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,605 Mmm... No. 250 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:08,524 Geez. Uh... I think it got packed up. 251 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,318 It's probably packed in the bag. 252 00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:11,527 I don't wanna-- 253 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,195 No, no, step out, step out, that's all right. 254 00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:17,074 Uh-- I don't know which one of these bags it's in. 255 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,367 Honey, unlock the back. 256 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,703 Did you unlock it? - Try it. Yeah, just try it? 257 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:21,871 Yeah, it's unlocked. 258 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,331 Okay, well, then, I unlocked it. 259 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,458 - I don't think you did. - Are you newlyweds? 260 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:26,667 Ooh, uh... No. 261 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,337 Oh, no. Thanks for saying-- Five years, October 3rd. 262 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:30,963 Ah! Over the first hurdle, there. 263 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,923 - Do you need a hand? - No, I'm looking for stuff 264 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:35,468 and I'm seeing that you didn't pack my booties. 265 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,386 But why is it on me to pack your booties? 266 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:38,971 If we're gonna unpack everything, 267 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,306 let's just bring it out. 268 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:41,891 Yeah, but we have to unpack everything, Margaret. 269 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:43,225 Why would you bring your toolbox? 270 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,061 In case we need to fix the car. 271 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,563 But, that's what AAA is for. 272 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:50,149 This is the same way you treat people at Starbucks, by the way. 273 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,442 All right, we gotta-- 274 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,361 If you don't make it clear what you want, 275 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,154 you end up with sugar in your coffee. 276 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,906 Oh, hey! Hey! 277 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,616 Got it. - Oh, great! 278 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,950 Hey, look at that! 279 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,787 - Oh, fun. - All right! 280 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,123 This is not you. 281 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:09,877 - Yeah, we stole this car. - Shit! 282 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:13,881 Shit! 283 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,716 God damn it! Hey! 284 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,760 Don't do this! Don't do this! 285 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,387 Come on! Come on! 286 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:22,223 - We're the cops now, baby! - Yeah, we're the cops! 287 00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:24,058 - We're the cops. - We're the cops. 288 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,610 Uh-uh-uh, hey, hey, hey! 289 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:35,820 Yes, Cindy, yes. 290 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,822 - I just realized... - Yeah. 291 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:42,326 ...you're the only one who don't have official photo. 292 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,744 Of course, I have an official photo. 293 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,621 Haven't you seen the Employee of the Month? 294 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,040 I know, but that don't work. Too old. 295 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,375 You know, what if I say, 296 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,712 I have the camera right here from the evidence locker. 297 00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:54,588 No. You are beautiful, 298 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,674 now you're 10 times more beautiful. 299 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,510 Okay, now. You like cats? 300 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,137 - Oh, I love cats. - You love cats. 301 00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:04,348 So, you're the cat, but you're like an old cat that can't... 302 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,392 Can't clean its back anymore. 303 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,729 Look at me, but pretend to clean your back, as the cat. 304 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:10,771 Okay, go. 305 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,357 Trying to clean your back. Yeah! Okay. 306 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,693 You know what it is? I'm sorry. 307 00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,237 It's the outfit. 308 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,991 - Oh! So juicy! - Is it? 309 00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:25,119 Yeah. Delicious, delicious. Yummy-yum-yum! 310 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:28,247 You're a bobcat. Let's see some bobcat action. 311 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,459 This is gonna be the best station photo. 312 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,878 Oh! 313 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,171 You okay? You need some water? 314 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,505 - Just keep shooting, I got it. - Okay. 315 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:43,095 And then the monster looked like crap. 316 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,680 Oh, I thought the monsters were very scary. 317 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,724 "There's something in a--" 318 00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,727 Jones. Jones left his phone! 319 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,353 Oh, right. 320 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:53,439 His code is quadruple D. 321 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,232 Boom, boom, boom! - Good to know. 322 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,193 Look at that. See, Jones' phone 323 00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,654 is like a It's A Small World ride of titty pics! 324 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,240 - Wow! - MILF. 325 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,993 Okay. Kind of a Karen-y lookin' one there. 326 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,745 Yeah, she looks angry. 327 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,079 Yeah, I'm filming you now. 328 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,915 I'm filming you now. That's right. 329 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,293 What are you? Are you Indian, or Pakistani, or Bangladeshi? 330 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,378 What, that's in his sex folder? 331 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,339 He has a lot of them. There's another one. 332 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:22,885 I have three Black friends and they love me, okay? 333 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,596 - Whoa! What do we-- - It's ringing. Shit. 334 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,890 I answered it! - Yeah, hello? 335 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,226 Is this that scary African-American man 336 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:31,811 who wants me to leash my dog? 337 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,771 Well, you know, the dog should be leashed. 338 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,773 Come on, baby, don't be like that. 339 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,107 I'm calling the cops. 340 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,527 And I'm saying that you tried to assault me, 341 00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:41,946 and then, you went into my swimming pool-- 342 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,156 I'm sorry, I've got to go. 343 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,075 - Is that my phone? - Yes, sir. 344 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,827 It was ringing, and we answered it 345 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,204 because we thought it was an emergency. 346 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,081 Was that me you were doing? 347 00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:54,458 You've a lot of Karen videos. 348 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,835 - Yeah. - "Karen videos?" 349 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,378 They're on there, and by the way, I think-- 350 00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:00,631 Shut up! A Karen video in my fucking phone? 351 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,217 That's ridiculous. Multiple. 352 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,510 - Many. - Stop it. 353 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,804 Okay, do you know who I am? 354 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,932 I'm a proud Black man, all right? 355 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,559 Do you where I come from-- - There you are! 356 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,561 There he is! There he is. 357 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:17,439 I have been threatened by you one too many times. 358 00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,275 Ugh! You big, Black man! 359 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:20,651 - I will-- - You-- Ooh! 360 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,152 Yeah, you don't want me in your neighborhood. 361 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,989 No, I don't! Eating my Thai food... 362 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,575 Yes, I will eat-- 363 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:30,953 - Okay. Yeah. - Did you find your phone? 364 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,413 - Uh... - That was really weird. 365 00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:33,998 That was really weird. Okay, guys, listen. 366 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:38,335 You know how some dudes are into Nazi underwear, 367 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,670 and women wearing-- 368 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,840 - I've heard of that. - I've had a weird year. And... 369 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,134 - I like chocolate. - And Karen-- 370 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:46,260 Her real name's Karen. 371 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,553 - Hi, Karen. - Hi, Karen. 372 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,138 Hi. She's special. 373 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,851 Weird fucking year, man. 374 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,444 Hello. 375 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,696 It's your friends at the Reno Sheriff's Department. 376 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,532 You've probably heard rumors buzzing about 377 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:12,286 about little envelopes of Yummy Punkin' Dipper Dots 378 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,662 that folks throughout Nevada 379 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,581 have been randomly getting in the mail. 380 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,792 It's a little bag of brightly colored seeds 381 00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,087 that contain abrin, 382 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:25,925 an extremely deadly, ribosome inhibiting protein. 383 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,761 Let's all take a collective cleansing breath... 384 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,430 ...as we go on to say, 385 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:34,016 that it only takes three micrograms of Abrin 386 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,351 to kill an adult. 387 00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:40,105 And abrin can cause total organ failure in just minutes. 388 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,440 In minutes. 389 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:45,778 Do they know who's mailing out these deadly seeds, or why? 390 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,739 No, we don't know. 391 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:53,410 So, remember, if you get a mysterious bag 392 00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,912 of tiny, deadly seeds in the mail, 393 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,247 just put on lead-lined radiation gloves, 394 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,833 put the seeds into a sealed Type-A container, 395 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,126 and burn your mailbox. 396 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:05,297 Do not inhale the fumes from said burning mailbox 397 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:08,467 and call the Department of Agriculture immediately. 398 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:12,388 If you've already opened the seeds, there is... 399 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:13,847 no reason to call us. 400 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,140 We cannot help you now. 401 00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:18,018 No one-- Because no one can. 402 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,146 - No one can. - No one can help you now. 403 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,612 I wanna make sure that you get all of this, 404 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,699 but that you also get all of this. 405 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:34,034 Oh my God! Like the leopard, I love it! 406 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,828 That's mine, so you know I have proof. 407 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,579 It's very small, and is it supposed to go 408 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,790 all the way up, through your crack? 409 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,000 Or that's how they wear it? 410 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,002 Are you incredibly uncomfortable? 411 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,004 - Yes, ma'am. - That's the right way. 412 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:46,130 Okay, perfect. 413 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,341 Now we're gonna do, where you open your leg. 414 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,678 Okay? - Just one of them? 415 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,890 Open your leg, and your other leg, too. 416 00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,559 Oh, you could have said that before. 417 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,311 What are you thinking, when you see this? 418 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,813 I'm thinking... 419 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,691 I dare you to call 911. 420 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:10,029 Yeah? What else? What will you do? What will you do? 421 00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:13,198 I'll probably just go home instead, 422 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,950 and have a frozen dinner. 423 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,952 And maybe I'll call my aunt. 424 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,496 Uh-huh, uh-huh. And when you're really mad? 425 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,790 When Trudy is furious, what are you gonna do? 426 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,835 Sometimes, I pull my own hair out. 427 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,796 Um, it's sort of like a self-mutilation-- 428 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,214 What the fuck! 429 00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,300 What the actual fuck is wrong with you? 430 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,635 - Just fucking do it right. - It was her idea-- 431 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:34,803 I know, fucking do it right. 432 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,180 Lick that and I'll hold this here. 433 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,557 Yeah, okay. Can't see me, right? 434 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:39,850 What the hell, guys? 435 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,810 - Shoot it right up the runway. - Hey, Junior. 436 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,063 Right up the runway, move the phone, 437 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,314 you're hot and good. 438 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,899 You're right about that. Uh-huh, yeah. 439 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:49,276 Dangerous with the gun! - I will fuck you up! 440 00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:53,197 That's right. - I'll fucking shit on your mom. 441 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:04,792 Now, every year, the department does a... 442 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,919 Scared Straight Haunted Hayride. 443 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,004 You know, hopefully, scare the kids, 444 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:11,673 and maybe teach them a little something about 445 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:14,301 dangers of drunk driving. Oh, no! 446 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,386 Hey, guys. Whatever! 447 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,013 - Anybody coming? - No. 448 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:19,640 I ain't seeing a line so far. 449 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:20,974 Guys, I gotta be honest. 450 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,185 I'm not that proud of my costume. 451 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,270 - What are you? - A dead pimp. 452 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,523 Oh, you should be very proud! 453 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:29,525 I'm glad no one else Black is here, 454 00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:31,443 'cause they would not be happy with me. 455 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,736 I'm not proud of myself. 456 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:37,616 I'm the lady who used to date, um, the Nirvana guy. 457 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,410 - Oh, she died from drugs. - Yeah. 458 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:44,331 I think next year, real dead bodies from the morgue 459 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,624 would really draw 'em in. 460 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:48,877 I like the idea of using real cadavers. 461 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,296 Hey! 462 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:53,465 Anybody wanna do drugs in the woods? 463 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,509 That's great! 464 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,220 Gay hustler looking for whippets? 465 00:18:58,262 --> 00:18:59,429 I like that one. 466 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,349 Oh, are you guys doing an event or something? 467 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:03,809 We're doing the Haunted Hayride. 468 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,978 Oh! Oh, neat, neat. Every year. 469 00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:07,646 Oh, cool. I'm so sorry. 470 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,691 I'm off. I'll see you guys later. 471 00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:13,318 I was doing drugs in the woods, so... 472 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,779 No, no, they're doing an event over here! 473 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,615 Guys, don't go that way. 474 00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,876 Wiegel, these are great. 475 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,335 Thank you. 476 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:33,255 That was from a wedding dress that I was making for myself. 477 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:35,340 I made one for myself in the '70s, 478 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:36,675 and then the styles changed, 479 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,385 and then I made one for myself in the '80s-- 480 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,304 - Wedding dresses? - Just in case. 481 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,640 You don't know, like, everyone needs a wedding dress, in case, 482 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,601 I don't know. 483 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,645 You took this from the evidence locker? 484 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:53,066 No, they had tried to bury my grandmother in this, 485 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:54,484 and I said, 486 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:58,030 "Over my dead body. 'Cause that's my size." 487 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,035 Uh-- Did anything fall out of my pocket 488 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,661 when I came over before? 489 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,079 What are you looking for, Jim? 490 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:08,081 Tiny little vial, looks like it's full of drugs? 491 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,249 I got drugs! 492 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,172 - Courtney Love. - See ya. 493 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,717 Should we call it? - I'm done. 494 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,136 - Is this the Haunted Hayride? - We got one! 495 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,476 Well, I'm on methamphetamine! 496 00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:32,439 And when I'm on methamphetamine, I like to kill little kids! 497 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,192 How much is this? 498 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,945 - Say it again? - How much is this? 499 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,489 - Five bucks. - Lame. 500 00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:44,993 Really thought that was a sale. 501 00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,662 Yeah.