1 00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:04,796 Nice. 2 00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:07,048 How are you doing today, sir? 3 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,801 You overcompensating a little bit? 4 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,803 Hey, Blue Lives Matter, buddy. 5 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,972 License and registration. 6 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,765 Whoa! 7 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,684 What do you think I am, stupid? 8 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,494 Oh, my God! 9 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,677 Good morning, gang. 10 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,846 - 'Morning. - 'Morning. One DO. 11 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,848 Hey, guys, IT has a, uh... 12 00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,060 actively turned off all of the hotspots in the building. 13 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,102 Mm. 14 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,729 Did you hear about this? No. 15 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,398 Uh, there's some sites that people have gone to, um... 16 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,025 that pinged us... Mm. 17 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,319 ...for red flags. Mm. 18 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,987 There's certain places we can't be going to 19 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,322 on the computers anymore, guys. 20 00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,074 But if you press "clear," it goes away. 21 00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,158 Doesn't go away. 22 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,576 Not really. - What? 23 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,078 Here's the problem. What I've found out-- 24 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:19,245 - What? - We're all learning about this, 25 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:20,538 it's a learning curve. 26 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,082 What is "clear" for? - No, no, no, no. 27 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:23,541 No, no, no, no. - To clear history. 28 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,001 Here's what I'm finding out from 29 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,419 the State of Nevada and the city, 30 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:27,962 especially on the work computers, guys, 31 00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:30,131 the "clear history" button, what it actually does 32 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:33,718 is sends the history to up the chain of command. 33 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,136 But they can't do that. 34 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,638 - That's not what clear means. - No, no, no, no. 35 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:38,056 That's not what clear means. 36 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,265 That's entrapment. 37 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:40,433 Junior, I know this one's you. 38 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:41,976 - Which one? - That's not you? 39 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:43,686 Pornandprofishingtips.net? 40 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:46,272 I... The... The fishing tips on there 41 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,066 are unbelievable and, yes, 42 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,527 they are fucking while they're talking about fishing. 43 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:53,988 but it's... they get legitimate pro fishing guys. 44 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,157 Is this you? 45 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,201 Naughtygrandmas.net? 46 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,494 Can I tell you-- 47 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,121 Don't, don't, don't, don't. - I have to explain. 48 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,248 Tru... Trudy, here's what's very distressing 49 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,999 about naughtygrandmas.net. 50 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,043 - Yep. - It is a pro 51 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,629 contributor account. - Yes. 52 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,381 Could you tell us more about that? 53 00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:13,758 Please, I won't do it at the station anymore. 54 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,051 Just please don't out me 55 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,095 and let them know that I'm not a real grandma. 56 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,055 I've got a confession, I look up stuff. 57 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:22,100 It's been a long-term joke I've been doing. I was gonna-- 58 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,144 I know. Is the joke this? 59 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,395 What? 60 00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:28,940 Is the joke "smurfporn.net"? Is that it? 61 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,778 Yeah... Yes, it is. 62 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,321 And the joke was... 63 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,489 This is going to kill you. 64 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,032 I had it... I knew about this, 65 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,952 and I have... I've been... I... I've been looking at it. 66 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,203 I was going to explain. 67 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,956 Like I was addicted, that... that, um... 68 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,584 the whole craziness that I'm making my wife 69 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,295 wear, paint blue, and it's... ah... 70 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,421 they wrecked it. By the way-- 71 00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,630 Are we in trouble? 72 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,091 Is that thing... Is the... Oh! - Yes, yes. 73 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,759 At least, I've got an explanation. 74 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:57,927 Not like the rest of you. 75 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,596 - Technical question. - Yeah. 76 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,931 There's only one girl. 77 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,308 Yeah. Yeah. 78 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:04,851 And then, it's like a hundred little boy smurfs? 79 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,519 Yeah. 80 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:11,774 I just want to get the fucking Wi-Fi back on. 81 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,737 Oh, no. There she goes. 82 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,030 Hey. - Jackie. 83 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:20,241 Don't you even think about it. Jackie! 84 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,451 - Jackie. - Jackie! 85 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:22,660 We just need you to get off the bridge. 86 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:23,953 Get off the bridge. 87 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,371 We just need you to get off the bridge. 88 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,498 I'm not on it. I'm not on the bridge. 89 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,083 Jackie, be a lady! 90 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,585 I'm trying to be. 91 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,794 No. no, no, no... 92 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,046 - What? - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 93 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,422 No, no, no, no, no. 94 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:35,965 Oh, no, Jackie's going to kill herself 95 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,051 and we're going to have to do all the cleanup. 96 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,469 I've heard it all before. - Pretty much. 97 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:40,929 Yeah, that's exactly the situation. 98 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,139 Why would I ever do something like that? 99 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,850 I'm the CEO of my own thriving company! 100 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,186 Where I give blowjobs for... profit. 101 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,064 - Jackie. - I got $300 102 00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:52,774 up my butt, saved. 103 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,067 You don't, you don't. 104 00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,027 Anything you'd all like to buy, please? 105 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,570 We don't want to touch you, 106 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:58,821 okay? - No, no. 107 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,323 'Cause we don't want to get what you have. 108 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,824 - No. - So would you mind, please... 109 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,493 - I just want to know... - ...leaving with us. 110 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,036 - Excuse me, I would just... - The money's coming out. 111 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,246 ...like to know where you came from? 112 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:07,580 Because there were 113 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,165 only three guys to begin with... - The money is coming out. 114 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,541 ...and now there's four of you. 115 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,960 Jackie, put the money back up, please. 116 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,461 Have you ever been to a carnival 117 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,088 where they make sand art and they put it in bottles 118 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,381 that's all stretchy out? 119 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,799 - Of course. - Yeah. 120 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,969 That never happens to me. I've never had a chance 121 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,303 to make one of those. 122 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,888 Oh, hey, you are in luck. A stretchy bottle? 123 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,265 - Think they got one... - Carnival. 124 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,474 I swear to God! 125 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:27,976 Buckets of them that way at the carnival. 126 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:29,644 It's Prostitute Day at the carnival. 127 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,895 - Okay. - Yeah. 128 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,480 Jackie, in this world... Jackie. 129 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,358 ...what do you like to do, huh? 130 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,776 This isn't one of 'em. 131 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,654 ♪ Moving very slowly To France ♪ 132 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,864 - Okay. - ♪ Just moving very slowly ♪ 133 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:45,994 ♪ Moving very slowly To France, moving... ♪ 134 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,161 She's pooping... 135 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,330 She's shitting on me. She's shitting on my leg. 136 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,623 She's shitting on my leg! 137 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,125 Who packs the tranquilizer gun, usually? 138 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,710 - Well, I forgot it today. - Thank you. 139 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,128 - I didn't-- I'm sorry. - Say you're sorry. 140 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:56,587 - God, Jackie! - Whoa, whoa! 141 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,507 What? Jesus, you just scared the shit out of me! 142 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,218 What? - You are a beautiful lady! 143 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,553 - You... - Yes. 144 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,096 You sure don't need this fuckin' crack pipe, then. 145 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,016 Hey, that's my favorite crack pipe! 146 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:13,813 Oof. 147 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,356 A little help, please, a little help. 148 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,567 Someone wanna go get that money out of her butt? 149 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:26,159 This is Deputy Raineesha Williams 150 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,202 from the Reno Sheriff's Department, 151 00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:29,662 here to tell you 152 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,707 about our new online reporting system. 153 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:36,836 Let's just say you've been carjacked or raped. 154 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,422 Or you just escaped a kidnapper. 155 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,632 With all our busy schedules, 156 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:44,552 who has the time to call 911? 157 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,429 And due to recent de-funding, 158 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:50,391 which we are totally okay with, and have no hard feelings about, 159 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,935 there probably wouldn't be anyone here 160 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:54,687 to answer your call anyway. 161 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:55,938 Here's how it works. 162 00:05:55,980 --> 00:06:00,568 Simply log on to renosheriffsdept.org. 163 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,988 /onlinereportingsystems 164 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:08,034 .1832.reno/ 165 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,078 incident-gov, 166 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,663 and locate the community section. 167 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:16,751 Now scroll all the way to the bottom 168 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,461 just past the tab labeled 169 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:22,006 "Truckee River Inner Tubing Rules and Regulations" 170 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,634 and click on "Report A Crime." 171 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:27,095 There, you'll find a series of links 172 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:30,556 separated into sections by colors. 173 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,517 Click the reddish-brown tab 174 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:37,855 labelled - "Incident Report 3824-84 - B" 175 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:41,234 and convert the form into a PDF file. 176 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:44,946 Now, simply head back to the home page 177 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,949 to download the PDF version software 178 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,576 by clicking on the "Utilities" tab. 179 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:54,414 Once that's done, the rest is a breeze. 180 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:55,790 Just fill out your form, 181 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,126 making sure you include your name, 182 00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,795 the date, the location of your incident, 183 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:03,089 your birthday, your phone number, 184 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:07,760 and the addresses for the last ten places you've lived. 185 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,595 And you're done! 186 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,097 Click and send. 187 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:14,350 If you don't hear back from us within six weeks, 188 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,893 head back to the website, 189 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,355 and follow these simple nine steps again. 190 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,816 Welcome to the future. 191 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:25,403 We'll see you in space. 192 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,989 Cyberspace, that is. 193 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,127 I got... 194 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:45,381 Got it. Yeah, shit. 195 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,800 Every time and all the time. 196 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,594 Kind of a neat day. 197 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,888 The Pigford Place out that way 198 00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:56,309 is looking for "Host" position material. 199 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,394 I was not in the age bracket. 200 00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:00,897 But I think I got the experience. 201 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,899 I think I got the joie de vivre. 202 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,484 "Welcome to the Pigford Farm." 203 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,694 I think I could do that very easily. 204 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,070 See ya! 205 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,396 When I was born, 206 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,858 very healthy, gorgeous newborn, 207 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,945 I was named Darling Clementine. 208 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:53,741 Time goes on, the minutes are ticking by, 209 00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:55,701 and my mom's like, 210 00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,496 "What's that grunting?" 211 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,624 Looked in the tray of afterbirth, 212 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,544 oops-a-daisy, there's another baby, 213 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,505 which is my twin Darling. 214 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,340 Darling Johnson. 215 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,967 Sometimes, 216 00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,760 when there's twins or triplets, 217 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:17,306 one twin will try to absorb the other twin, 218 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:21,769 "eat them," if you will, and apparently, 219 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:25,606 there are tiny, little gum scars, 220 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,191 or there were... 221 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,902 on Darling's legs. 222 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:33,489 If it wasn't for my ability to just... 223 00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:36,659 ball up... 224 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,663 um, you would have gobbled me up. 225 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:47,420 But I survived, and they almost threw me away! 226 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:50,881 But they didn't, and, um... 227 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:55,386 here I am. Clemmy got the boobs and I got the forehead. 228 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,973 Um, but anyway, so, 229 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,934 we were just going down memory lane, and... 230 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,478 and here are some fun pictures of us, 231 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,522 playing dress-up, 232 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,190 and here's a photo booth thing. 233 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,610 And then here we are in showgirl school. 234 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,863 And this was the beginning of, um... 235 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,033 all of our magic stuff. 236 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:20,202 And then, here we are with The Amazin Nathan. 237 00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,579 We met The Amazin Nathan 238 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,290 'cause he used to hang around outside our dance studio. 239 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,793 Mommy thought he was, um, just a big, retarded man 240 00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,045 that took out the trash. 241 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:32,882 But, no, he was a magician, and we... I... 242 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,217 I owe my career to him. 243 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:43,184 So, guess who got the shit job? Again. 244 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,269 Clean up the graffiti. 245 00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:46,771 Goddamn it. - Whoa! Ho-ho. 246 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,356 Hey, Garcia! How are you doing? 247 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:51,942 Oh, Dangle's got you doing the old, uh, thug cover-up, huh? 248 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:56,072 He, uh... He doesn't got me. I begged. Are you kiddin' me? 249 00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:58,949 I feel bad that they've never let you do it. 250 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,660 Makes me feel great doing this, 251 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:03,371 'cause seeing all this shit on our station... 252 00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,873 - Yeah? - It's like Antifa won. 253 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,459 What the hell? No, no way. No way. 254 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,211 Antifa didn't win. - Whoa! Oh! 255 00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,921 Get the fuck out of here, Antifa. 256 00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,339 - All right. - Assholes. 257 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,675 I will show you what I can do. Get your shit back to Portland. 258 00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:18,302 Hey, uh, text me if you get tired, old man. 259 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,553 Ain't gonna happen, Kimball. 260 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,430 Got awful short arms there, Grandpa. 261 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,975 You do not have the right. Sons of bitches! 262 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,859 For Reno, this is one of our nicest sub-divisions, 263 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,027 wouldn't you say, Travis? 264 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,404 - Uh, it's high-end. - Yeah. 265 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,072 I think these go for a mid... mid-40s? 266 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:41,742 Yeah, and then you'll see this stuff. Look at that. 267 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,202 Straight up drug dens. 268 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,997 What you wanna get, uh... 269 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,334 ...is the dino DNA as, I believe, they call the drug. 270 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,627 - Jackpot! - Oh! 271 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,129 Ye-yo! - Ye-yo! 272 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,797 - It's cocaine, yeah? - Yeah, just gonna see 273 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,632 how good this stuff is. - You can test it. Test it. 274 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,968 Sometimes they cut it, and then sometimes they don't cut it. 275 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:02,138 Usually, you can tell, 'cause, you know what, not only will-- 276 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:04,014 That's not cocaine, what is that? 277 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,850 Not only will... 278 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,103 Ooh. Tastes like band-aids. - Ain't meth. 279 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,479 Crank, you can... I mean, crank you can 280 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,897 just feel. If this was crank-- 281 00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,983 You can smell crank when you open the box. 282 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:16,610 Let me see if yours is the same as mine. 283 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,821 Yours is the same as mine. Yeah. - It's the same. 284 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,115 It's very, very good. - It ain't special K. 285 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,575 Ain't duck tranquilizer. 286 00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,201 It ain't that Carrie Fisher stuff 287 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:27,496 that was going around a couple of years ago. Oh, wow! 288 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,540 The Carrie Fisher stuff was weirdly good. 289 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,916 Ah, I liked it. 290 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:34,503 I mean, if you woke up, it was good. 291 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,881 You know, this might be Ecstasy. 292 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,632 I've just never had Ecstasy this good. 293 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:43,053 This is, like, licoricey, kinda root beer burpy Ecstasy in... 294 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,305 On the 4chan, 295 00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,807 that's what they say the good Ecstasy tastes like. 296 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,602 We should-- I should-- I've done about a-- 297 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,353 I've done a fair amount of this. 298 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:53,564 How far are we from town? 299 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,441 We're so far from town. 300 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,943 We're like 45 minutes, we should get... 301 00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,779 Go to Tahoe? 302 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,572 Maybe. 303 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,240 Eyes on the prize. 304 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,867 - Yeah, yeah. I just felt-- - Eyes on the prize. We should-- 305 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,327 We should probably get... - Yeah, yeah. 306 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:08,370 ...down before... I should stop that. 307 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:09,663 All right? 308 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,081 You're gonna drive, but can I pick some... can I pick... 309 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,082 can I pick the music? 310 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,250 No. 311 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,337 Okay. 312 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:23,260 Phew. Whew. 313 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:50,996 Eww. 314 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,999 Somebody put a tampon in my coffee. 315 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,251 Mine, too. 316 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:58,879 But I have the new PoilceTek Cop Coffee Catcher. 317 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,050 The Cop Coffee Catcher catches anything anybody 318 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,886 puts in your coffee before you drink it. 319 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,514 Ah! It filters out everything. 320 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:10,683 Tampons? 321 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:11,934 You bet! 322 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,228 Especially Tampons. 323 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,021 Thanks for the tip, Officer. 324 00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:19,400 Don't thank me. Thank Cop Coffee Catcher. 325 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,862 Mm. Oh! 326 00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:25,072 Forgot to filter this one. 327 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,116 Can somebody take this? 328 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,332 We were at the Showgirl Academy. 329 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,167 Amazin Nathan came up and was like, 330 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,212 "Hey, you two seem like quality ladies. 331 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,839 I do a magic show." 332 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,966 The act was very third shift. 333 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,468 If you have been gambling for a long time, 334 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:49,722 and the regular lounge act had to take a break, 335 00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,308 that's when The Amazin Nathan would come on. 336 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,269 If you like the Miami Vice theme song, 337 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,397 if you like pink and turquoise lasers, 338 00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,982 and want to get in a time machine 339 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:03,027 and go back to 1989, yes, it was great. 340 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,153 Very cutting edge. 341 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:05,779 As it turned out, 342 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:08,908 Darling really has a love 343 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:10,993 for being in small spaces. 344 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:14,121 My bones are not brittle, but they are pliable. 345 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,249 And I'm telling you, you can stuff me in anything, 346 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,584 and I will enjoy it. 347 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,085 Genuinely enjoy it. 348 00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,712 So, the great thing about me, 349 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,715 is that you don't have to buy me a plane ticket. 350 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,133 Because I will be shipped, 351 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,302 and I will have the time of my life. 352 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,887 I don't need much. - Yeah. 353 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,097 She has no Vitamin D. - Right? Yes. 354 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:35,517 I need Vitamin D pellets, 355 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,019 Mountain Dew, 356 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,229 and something to crunch on. 357 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:42,149 I just wish you'd shown some initiative, 358 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,486 or some ability to take care of yourself. 359 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,780 I am a stellar employee, 360 00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:50,866 and easy on the eyes, and I do sound mixing. 361 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:54,036 I own my own fog machine, and a disco ball. 362 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,829 I don't even live in an apartment, 363 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,456 because I don't have to. 364 00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:01,043 I just live with the props, in the warehouse. 365 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:04,380 There were times when I would be put in a box, 366 00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:07,007 he'd tap it, turn it around, blah-blah-blah, 367 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,135 and then Darling would appear in the balcony. 368 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,887 And that's when I would leave. 369 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,847 And... And one night, I just left and was like, 370 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,933 "I don't want to do this anymore. This is dumb." 371 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,351 I've got-- - Listen, what she said 372 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,853 was that she would take the job-over. 373 00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,438 Yes. 374 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,148 Yes. 375 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,692 It was an agreement that we made. 376 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:29,071 I really just want some days off. 377 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,489 So, just do it, already! 378 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:34,535 I'm sure there's a way for everyone to get what they want. 379 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:39,164 So, you'll come over and pick up the outfits? 380 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,547 Whew. 381 00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:49,258 What do you call this music? - This is a, uh... 382 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:54,471 This is a French DJ whose name is Frère Jacques. 383 00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:57,933 It's, um... It's kind of amazing, isn't it? 384 00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,476 It's really amazing, I know. 385 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,645 - It's amazing. - It's amazing. 386 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,941 Water's a very good idea. 387 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,609 - Water's a great idea. - Water's a good idea. 388 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,236 Yeah, water's a great idea. - Water's a good idea. 389 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,071 - So weird that we have a car. - I know! 390 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,322 - I know, right. - I know. 391 00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:13,782 And it's not even ours, 392 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,367 but we drive it all day long. - We drive it all the time. 393 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,744 - I love this car. - I know. 394 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,620 It's a really good car. - I love this car. 395 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:19,538 Good car. 396 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,123 Oh! Oh, hi! - Hey! 397 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,958 - Hey. - Hi, how are ya? 398 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,668 He stopped. - Oh, God, why'd he stop? 399 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,211 - Shit, 'cause he thinks we-- - Oh, no, no. 400 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,755 - Just, you talk to him. - Do we look weird? 401 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,173 - No. - He's getting out. Oh, shit. 402 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,550 - Whoa-ho-ho-ho! - How did you do that? 403 00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,218 Well, I just slid. Just slide. 404 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,720 I don't think I can get down here. 405 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,180 Wow! Hey, is there a-- 406 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,347 - Oh, hi, hi. - Hey, hey. Slide. 407 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,515 Is there a problem? 408 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,642 - Whoa! - Okay, that felt good. 409 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,853 Hi. - Hi. 410 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,896 Hi. - Yeah. 411 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,981 You need my license and registration? 412 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,107 Uh... 413 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,650 - That's a great idea. - That's a great idea. 414 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,527 Hi. Yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah. 415 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,237 Wow. Hi. - "That's a great idea"? 416 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,448 - How are... how are you? Hi. - I'm good. 417 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,908 - Whoa! - I'm sorry, I was just-- Wow! 418 00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,076 Your truck is so hot. 419 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,535 This is really neat. I'm gonna-- 420 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,079 Be careful with your hands when you do that 421 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,080 'cause it's really hot. 422 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,164 Oh my God, it's so hot! 423 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,499 The truck is so hot. - So hot. 424 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,000 - Hi, this... so this is Travis. - Yeah. 425 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,543 - Hey! - Uh, I'm Jim. 426 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,961 - Officers. - Um... 427 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,880 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm good. I'm good. 428 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,799 Um, I think the music... I gotta go turn down the music. 429 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,342 Yes. We're gonna turn down the music. 430 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,593 We're gonna go turn down the music, 431 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,928 could you just give us a second? 432 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,513 - Whew. He's so black. - Are you freaking out? 433 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:20,933 Is he really that black or is it just, wow! 434 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,851 ...go to a museum, you see these structures. 435 00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,394 I'm gonna go get the music. 436 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,188 Has anybody ever told you, you look like a magnificent... 437 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,232 like a sculpture you'd see in some beautiful place? 438 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,691 - I'm-- - Yeah. 439 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,151 Would you get that? It's really freaking me out. 440 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,277 Just flip it to-- - Oh. 441 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,571 Oh, nice. Oh, yeah. 442 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,622 You wanna feel his head? 443 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,749 I, I... I don't wanna feel your head. I'm uncomfortable. 444 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,543 - The back part's very neat. - The back part's good. 445 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,877 The top part-- - Just feel it, it's neat. 446 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,170 The top part's kinda freaky. 447 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,713 But the back part's really nice. 448 00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,382 That's a good... That's a good feeling nape of the neck. 449 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,425 A good feeling nape. - Yeah. Yeah. 450 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,844 - Look. - I was gonna feel-- 451 00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:58,303 I'm not gonna feel your nape. 452 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,722 - Has my jaw gone weird? - Yeah. Just relax. 453 00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,683 ...know what you gotta do with it. Watch. 454 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:03,934 I'm gonna change the music. 455 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,562 Uh, wait, how's this? 456 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,397 Oh, man! - Oh! 457 00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,816 I didn't think the music could get better. 458 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,609 - Oh, wow! It got better. - It got better. 459 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,654 - Officer, uh... - Dangle. 460 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:16,864 - Dangle. - Dangle. 461 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,658 Jim! Jim! Just Jim. - Officer Jim. 462 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,743 - Just Jim. Thank you, man. - All right, just... 463 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,120 Let me just make this clear. 464 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,204 Yeah. 465 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,874 - I know it, and you know it. - Whew. 466 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,292 You two are messed up. 467 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:31,420 Some type of narcotic, I'm gonna guess it's X. 468 00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:33,338 I'm gonna let you two off with a warning, do you hear me? 469 00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:35,674 - Oh, my God. Thank you. Wow. - Thank you. Thank you. 470 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,468 If I ever see you out here again... 471 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,553 Yes, sir. 472 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,971 ...touching the back of necks... 473 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,222 Yes, sir. 474 00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:43,974 ...holding hands with people that you don't know... 475 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,769 - Yes, sir. Yes, sir. - ...pulling over innocent men, 476 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:48,896 you will be arrested. 477 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,355 - 100%. - All right. 478 00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:52,900 - Thank you, thank you so much. - Thank you. Thank you. 479 00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,029 Whoa! 480 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:59,156 That's so loud! 481 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,159 Oh, my God, that truck scared me so hard! 482 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,869 - Man. - Oh! 483 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,746 I don't know why I ever wore shoes, really. Ever. 484 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,623 They really make you feel... - Look at these heels. 485 00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:09,291 ...your toes. That's why you fall forwards. 486 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,751 You fall forward. - You're always falling. 487 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:13,128 - You fall forward. - Right. 488 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:22,721 Uh... It's not me, but, uh, are people having... 489 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,474 their personal packages shipped to the station? 490 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:26,725 - Yeah. - Yeah. 491 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,310 Don't do that. Please don't do it anymore. 492 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,395 Well, Jim, I'm not allowed a PO box anymore. Well-- 493 00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:32,189 - Did they take away your box? - Yeah. 494 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,607 Oh! How come? 495 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,442 Uh, some of the weird foods that I 496 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,277 was purchasing from overseas. 497 00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,445 What... Uh... 498 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,613 From Wuhan. 499 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,156 Yeah, I get some weird food sent. 500 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,116 Trudy, can I have that donut, please? 501 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:46,662 Anyway, tonight's movie is Cocoon. 502 00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:48,538 Cocoon! - Oh! 503 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,165 Wilford Brimley. Hey, fun fact. 504 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,668 Wilford Brimley, I think, 23... 505 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:56,171 ...he made that picture. Yeah, that's right.