Whoo!
Viva miércoles.
It is Wednesday, guys.
[pants] And Wednesday is Jimbo's new happy day
because that is the day...
I come downtown...
- [radio chatter] - ...and they got this great new
Armenian sort of salon over here.
[panting]
And guess what?
They pay for bone marrow.
And the great thing about it is for every couple of grams
of bone marrow they get out of you,
I get $30, so...
I'll see you guys in a bit. [pants]
See you on the other side. [hums]
All right, let's go. Go, go, go, go. Go. Go. Go.
Did he just-- Oh! - Got it. All right.
Let's go. [grunts] - Okay. Thank you.
He's starting to look like Kermit the Frog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[humming]
♪ He sells the marrow ♪
♪ He gets the spoils ♪
♪ He sells found marrow And he get the spoils ♪
Ah, that's real nice.
- [car horn honking] - [police siren wailing]
[cheering]
- [Jim groans] - [people shouting]
Oh, my God.
[screaming]
[police siren wailing]
- JIM: Good morning, gang. - ALL: Good morning.
- Ooh. - Eww.
Tonight's movie is Oxford Blues with Rob Lowe.
- Again? - JIM: Uh,
by the way, with the new change in the administration,
since our guy lost, we have to now say, this is, uh,
I think, every state, "I pledge allegiance to diversity,
and to tiny little windows of hope.
And with all of my heart, I say namaste and goodbye to the cows.
- [sighs] - JIM: Hail, Bridget.
She goddess of nature. Hail, hail, Bridget. "
- Uh, Jim. Who is the... - Yeah. I don't know.
- What are we talking about? - CLEMENTINE: Don't look.
- TRAVIS: Don't look... - Don't look, don't look...
I'd like to... Yeah.
[thud]
- Jesus, fucking Christ. - That door...
That door does that. That door-- - JIM: I'm very sorry.
- Well, let me mark that down. - Oh, shit. God damn it.
Hi there.
Good afternoon. - Yes, sir, ma'am.
Ma'am.
- JIM: Oh, you're, uh-- - PERSON: Yes.
Donna Fitzgibbons.
Lieutenant. Sparx. - JIM: Oh, my gosh. Hi.
- Yes, sir. - Oh, this...
- I have-- No, sir, again. - Ma'am.
Ma'am. No, sir.
- Ma'am. - DONNA: Wow.
So, I have been sent by Sparx to just observe.
It was told that, uh, you need a little observation.
Like for instance, the first thing
I observed from back there,
a lot of insubordination. - So much.
- Like in my division... - JIM: Mm.
...nobody interrupts the boss.
They all just shut the fuck up. - [exclaims]
- But-- No. - Excuse me, I have a question.
When I was seven years old, my parents put me into therapy,
and there was a two-way glass and they had to, okay.
- DONNA: See, what I'm saying. - JONES: Mm.
- DONNA: Insubordination. - JIM: Mm.
Uh, Donna... - DONNA: What?
...does this affect our... Uh...
TRAVIS: Can we fire her? because- D... Yes.
Are we getting fired or is there--
- No, no, no, no, no. - No, no, no.
DONNA: No, you weren't listening.
[sighs]
If you're only concern is that you're going to get fired--
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
What kind of life is that?
It's not a good life. It's terrible.
- Hello. Sheriff's department. - JAMES: Sheriff's department.
- Hello. Oh. - Oh.
- Hi. - Did you call 911?
Uh, yes... Yes, I did because I saw this guy
coming into this apartment's lobby--
PERSON: I'm sorry, what?
Yes, I live here. I don't recognize you.
I saw you coming
into this apartment's lobby. - Don't recogni... I...
[mumbles] Are we doing this?
- Wait, are we doing this? - Are we doing it?
I-I live here. This is...
No, no, no, no. He doesn't live here.
I live here and... - Oh, man,
this is what we're doing. - Oh, man.
Okay, hey, what unit are you in, sir?
- Wait a minute. - 403A.
- Do you need to ask? - I'm asking him...
Do you need to ask that?
I just had never seen him.
- I've seen you. - Okay.
- I've seen you come home. - Sorry. I really--
I see you take care of your children.
I watch you, I see you, I appreciate what you do.
- Listen, I recognize you. - Yeah.
- I see you and you know what? - I see you, my brother.
If you need any mentoring, or anything--
Let... Let me be honest here. You mentoring me right now.
Yes.
The fact that we have to put up with.
Please don't do this. - Please don't do this.
You have what I call a trusting face.
I trust you.
I have never seen you...
Lemme... Lemme take this load from you for a second.
- Dude, I have never seen you. - All right?
Let me take the Black man's burden
for just a second, all right? - Right. Right.
You know, why don't you hold
this burden for a second. - Oh.
Just, you-you don't call 911 for this.
- I was wrong. - It's okay.
I'm one of those sucky people and I was wrong.
- No, no, no. - JAMES: Yeah, yeah.
- Hey, we all make mistakes. - That's right.
Where are you taking this? I'll help you.
To my car over here.
- I'll... I'll carry it. - All right.
Good luck to you. - We did some good today.
- Thank you, guys. - All right.
- Hey I appreciate that. - JAMES: Bye, sir. Okay.
JONES: Yes, bye.
See, that's what we need more in this world.
- Yeah. - Of people talking.
- Talking about. Yeah, well... - Each other.
We still didn't get to hear her side.
Hi. Hello. Hi, yes, I called 911.
I just walked in on a white lady and a Black man...
robbing my apartment. It's 403A.
- Oh. - Yeah.
- Uh... - I thought COPS was canceled?
Come on, you got it. Ten more.
Yeah, yeah, keep going. Slow it down. Slow it down.
Slow it down. - [exhales]
Slow it down.
Good now, stretch down.
All the way down. Stay there.
Just one more second.
Yeah, yeah, good. [laughs] Oh, good.
Yes, okay. - [pants]
That is done and done. [mumbles]
Do you mean we go back into the splits
- or we're done with that part? - No, I'm done with that part.
[clears throat] Yeah, yeah. - This is very comprehensive.
It's-- We're just gonna. Wait one second.
All right, I can't reach it, hold on.
- Oh. - I'm just... I'm getting it.
[speaks indistinctly]
[radio chatter]
Mm. What is it? Mm. - I blend that myself.
Now, I'd just like to work on a little bit of trust,
you know, everybody is so disrespectful.
I'm gonna fall into you. - Okay.
- Can you take me? Here I go. - Yes.
See, how that worked.
That was lovely and I got you.
I'm ready.
Oh...
God, that was so fucking amazingly good.
It's been a bad year for everybody.
People are pissed off.
But if you're thinking of comin'
to "The biggest Little City in the World"
to burn, loot and riot,
we got two words for you.
Loot Tahoe.
[ding]
Why loot pawn shops and mini-malls
that went out of business in the '80s,
when you can loot the Jewel of the Sierras
on the shores of the big blue.
Unlike Reno, Tahoe is a walkable city.
Just start at the high-end shops
at the cobble-stone center clock tower.
You'll be able to loot beautiful
home furnishings, fine antiques,
hand made jewelry,
and macrobiotic dog treats.
Or, do you lean towards
sporting goods and ski equipment?
Well, Tahoe has it all.
Tahoe's only 40 minutes from Reno.
But the area's clean, the weather's nice,
and unlike Reno, it ain't already burned down
a bunch of times.
We'll even supply a shuttle bus
to get you there for free! - [horn honking]
Find any Reno Sheriff and say,
"Hey, I'm here to loot."
And you'll be on your way.
Remember to bring your thirst for social justice
and a crowbar.
Of course, our official policy is,
"You shouldn't loot at all."
But if ya'll gonna to do it,
at least loot a place that has some nice shit.
And I really appreciate you, um, letting me do this
from down under the table.
I just feel safest under here.
I want you in a safe place, because I want you vulnerable.
- Yeah. - Yeah, well.
I really want you to go back. - So...
- Like, go back. No, not back-- - I can't go further.
- I meant back of your mind. - Okay.
So, w-when you were little,
when did you realize you had a...
- Had a vagina. - Mm-hmm.
Well, the doctor called my mom and said actually...
Here's the thing. I didn't have a vagina at first
or so they thought. [chuckles] Settle in.
- Yeah. - It's a very rare condition.
So, as it turns out... - I was actually...
I was actually thinking... - Yeah. Yeah.
...more like when you were a young adolescent girl.
I used to go into the attic...
- Yeah. - ...with my neighbor.
- Yeah. - And, you know,
we were just kind of poking it thing.
Oh, we used to play a pokie game.
So, his name, we called him Uncle Roger.
- Uh-huh. - He wasn't really our uncle.
We used to play a game called
"Poke you, poke you, now I got you."
We would go, we didn't have an attic.
We didn't really have a house either.
That feels so good. - Yeah.
You know the last time I was touched was
I had a waterbug I think on my forehead,
and it was just about to go into my eye,
and Jim s-smacked it away. Out of love. Yeah.
Poke ya, poke ya, now I gotcha!
I like you.
See, I kind of knew we were gonna like each other.
Like I walked in here, I was like,
oh, all the people and, ugh... - Yeah!
[growls] - You know...
[growls] - Right.
- There was a lot of [growls]... - I saw that.
- But you know what, I saw you-- - Yeah.
...and then you put your head down on the table,
you see when I was a child... - Yeah.
...I used to put my head down, like that.
So you had vertigo as a child?
No, it just was a defense mechanism.
Yeah, felt safe.
That's why I like being in a fort.
- Me too. I climb... - Isn't it fun?
...under this table at night
sometimes when nobody's here... - Yeah.
...and sometimes when people are here.
Do you wanna take a shower with me?
Can I just say, I can't tell you how many years
I've been trying to get in a shower with somebody.
I've tried to just have anything going with any of these people.
But it's like they don't even see me.
I will drop things on a daily basis just like,
oops, look what happened
so they can get turned on... - Mm-hmm.
- ...by my butt hole. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
It has never happened.
Don't you feel this moment right here?
- I do. - Isn't it powerful?
Yep, part of it is just a pain in my back.
But some of it, definitely... - Yeah, you will get used to it.
...is coming from a deeper place.
Yeah.
I know that we are all bummed
that the city has taken away half of our squad cars.
I think I enjoy the camaraderie.
I like it.
- I like this camaraderie. - It's like...
It's like we're on a road trip to kill some people.
I don't like, uh, sitting in the vomit cockpit.
It's... It's... It's not a budget cut,
it's a... a... a... a pow-wow with the crew.
You don't have to work too hard for that.
Guys, when... when the windows are up,
it's like everyone's breath.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.
There's a fly in here, guys.
You got a fly back there? Want me to get it?
- [radio chatter] - [speaks indistinctly]
No, no, no.
- No, no, no, no, no. - I am not shooting.
- I'm sweating so bad back here. - [Travis speaks indistinctly]
JONES: The fly's right there. The fly's right there.
- Where? - He's on your nuts.
- He's on your nuts! - No, he's not.
Ow! [groans] - [laughs]
Got it, got it.
[laughter]
- You fucker. - [laughing]
- Oh, you fucker, you fucker. - [laughs, clears throat]
Okay so we got, uh...
What are we looking for, a prostitute, here?
I hope she is good-looking. - She's in custody.
- [screaming] - We have her in custody.
Thank you so much. God damn it!
Stop reporting her, we have her.
- It's not comfortable. - Yeah, right.
I didn't realize it was you guys.
- Oh, she's... - I brought Jackie...
God damn it! - [screaming]
My hair! - Stop it, stop it, shut up!
- [screaming] - Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.
JACK:
Are you having a baby? Oh, god damn it!
- It smells like balls in here. - Whoa. Ah...
- [indistinct chatter] - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
They don't pay me for this now, do you know that?
What is she having, what are you having, what are you having?
- Just let her have it. - Let her have her bottle.
Go to sleep, go to sleep.
- ♪ Go to sleep, little Jackie ♪ - Night-nights. Night-nights.
♪ Go to sleep, little Jackie ♪
Jackie, hold still!
- Stop it, don't... - Stop it!
You know what, I'm not going to fall for this
because the last time you guys said, "Hey, get in this van,
and we'll take you to the amusement park."
That did not happen.
Oh, God! Ow!
- Come on, stop it. - Oh, hey!
Quiet game, how about a quiet game?
How about, hey, hey, hey... - Excuse me, would you--
...hey, whoever talks first gets shot. Is that something?
Yeah.
[burps]
I do need to give you a mammogram.
Now I don't know if you've been...
I've done... okay.
You know, over by Food for Less, there's like,
an old mobile home?
That's where I was going
because it's like 20 bucks a pop, you get your
mams and your lady... - Do they do down? Yeah? Hmm.
Yeah, like, the whole thing, okay?
Okay, well, you know this new app,
see, I put in your size...
- Mm. - ...and what do you weigh?
Okay, are you comfortable with what I am doing?
- Mm-hmm. - Okay, so, I am going to now
squeeze it a little, you know, put my hand up in there,
squeeze a little, does that hurt?
- Mm-mm. Mm-mm. - Not yet?
What about that?
Little bit? - I'm into it.
What if I just kinda...
Yeah? Mm-hmm. - That feels healthy.
Oh, yeah, almost there, count to three.
One, two... - [radio chatter]
- ...two, three! - Mm-mm.
You see I use an android so I don't have that...
Okay, good.
- I need my purse. - You god damn threw...
JONES: Yeah, I have your purse.
You're not getting it
unless you become a lady. - JACKIE: Oh. Ooh.
- Be a lady, be a lady. - Oh, guys. Hi, I'm a lady.
Fuck that.
I'm not gonna be a lady. - What are you doing?
Did anybody search her or anything?
Does she have a knife? - No!
- Somebody pat... pat her down. - Razor blade?
- I'll pat her down. - [Jackie screams]
Something in her boot, there's something in her boot.
JACKIE: That... no, that's mine.
JIM: What is in your boot, what is this in your boot?
- JACKIE: That's a taco. - JIM: What's biting me?
Why is something biting me? - Let go!
She's got something. Something bit me!
Something bit me, something bit me!
- Don't drive. - Jackie! Jackie!
What in your boot bit me?
A ferret.
Motherfucker. We got a ferret in there.
No, that's not his name. His name is Roger.
Next time you meet some fucking friends.
- Yes. - And you got a fucking ferret
in your boot,
say, "There's a ferret in my boot and he's very unfriendly."
- [radio chatter] - [Jackie mumbling]
You better roll that window down, man,
if you're gonna be smoking in here.
- What do I gotta do? - Roll the window down, man.
Tell me what do I gotta do again?
You tell him. Tell... Tell him what he's gotta do.
- These are my lungs. - What's that?
- Guys? - Tell me what I gotta do again.
Oh, now it's just like it was when I was in Dartmouth.
- What? - Speaking of...
Wait, Jackie, you went to Dartmouth?
I went there by accident one time.
- You just went to the place? - I got on the wrong bus.
Yes. - Sure it was.
You guys can drop me off here, man. I'm--
JACK: You're not going anywhere.
Shut your mouth.
[people clamoring]
- Shut your mouth. - Shut your hole.
Um, Froggie, are you still living with your sister?
Yeah, my sister. Of course.
JACK: You two know? Of course, you do.
Froggie, you said that you did not know
the whereabouts of your sister.
Yeah, that directly contradicts
what you said outside.
- I mean she-- - Your sister, Alejandra?
Yeah, she live there, but she no there no more.
- Who's wanted for trafficking? - I know she owed me money.
So when she come back, I better get it.
Oh, hey, guys, whoa, whoa, whoa. Street corn.
Hey, street corn. - Hey, hey, hey, street corn.
- Street corn. - Pull us out.
Mm.
- Mm. - Mm!
- Mm-mm. - Mm-mm.
- Mm. - Yeah, right.
[radio chatter]
- Mm. - Mm.
- [laughter]
There you go.
- [mumbles] - [mumbles]
Good street corn.
Reno has the best street corn. You gotta know that.
- Do you like these dogs? - Fucking A.
Oof. This has been a really heavy day, you know.
I mean, I... you're the only person
who I can actually talk to.
Let it down,
you know, it's, it's, it's hard. - Yeah... I'm very...
This isn't easy. Everybody thinks it's
fucking easy, walking around... - Mm-hmm.
...like being the badass, it's not.
Yeah. I've always had a thing for older
- women and, um... - Yeah.
...she was...
I, um...
Uh... I, uh...
- You were asking me a question. - I was... Yeah, I was.
- I distracted you, sorry. - I was, no...
- I'll put this off. - You, um...
You, we could move that...
Okay.
Would you just, I really...
I don't, I don't want this to be sexual.
I am not. - It won't. It won't be.
I am not looking
for sex at all. - It won't be.
N2, N2.
N2, got some beef jerky for you, N2.
We're training our K9 unit today.
Uh, people think that these police dogs
are just mindless, vicious killing machines.
But, only if you train them right.
All right, so you go, out the tube.
Slalom, slalom, slalom.
And then you go, "Okay." Then you go...
up this side, then down.
Army crawl, army crawl, army crawl.
All right, you ready, boy, you ready to do this?
Run! [mumbles] - [dog growls]
Ow! Ow! Ow... Down! Sit! Sit!
- DONNA: Stretch it out. - [Jim exhales]
- One more second. - [grunts]
You got to stretch it out a little bit,
get that nice stretch in your groin.
Okay. - [grunts] Oh!
Up. Good.
BOTH: Ah!
- Man. - It's five o'clock in France.
[laughter]
Even though this is, that's from Turkey.
Yeah.
You want to hear a secret that nobody knows about me?
Yeah.
Far right Christian. [smacks tongue]
- And a slut? - Mm-hmm.
You're just like a fucking dirty dog.
Dirty, dirty, dirty. ...a fucker.
A dirty dog, slut, but you're a Christian?
I am, I feel like it makes it okay.
- Yeah. - Because...
I feel that. - Mm-hmm.
You know what, uh, sometimes I can't believe?
What?
That I've known you for almost 40 minutes.
Mm-hmm.
JIM: Good evening.
[radio chatter]
[sighs, clears throat] I... I just hope that everyone's
represented this department, uh, uh, to,
to the level that, um... Yeah?
Uh, when the reports come out...
Yep. Yes. Shit.
They're not going to mail them to our homes, are they?
Because I would like my wife not to see the report.
- I think we probably did... - They do that anyway.
- ...mostly pretty good, right? - [person clears throat]
- Yeah, yeah, outstanding. - I was good up to a point.
I mean, we don't know what she's going to say.
People make mistakes. - Shit!
Jesus, fuck this door!
- Sorry, Donna. - Good evening.
Why do you all look so sad?
It's good news. - Oh! Yay!
- Whoo! It's good news. - That's... That's surprising.
DONNA: Everybody, I got great news.
I'm leaving. [chuckles]
But I wanna let you know something.
I feel you.
Like, I feel you guys.
But, but did you see how quiet it got now you leaned in?
And nobody interrupted me.
- Mine's out of fear. - DONNA: My job is done.
You smell so good, I'm sorry.
That could be mistaken
for the very thing... - Mm.
...I'm talking about,
which is not happening here.
You see what I mean.
So, what I'm gonna say is this.
Thank you for having me,
for listening to me and believing in me.
And on that note, I'm gonna fuckin'...
leave your ashes alone.
Are we ever gonna see you again?
Shut the fuck up. And get this fucking door fixed.
[door slams shut]
[radio chatter]
JIM: Um, in other news
was this wanted, there's a... a... a... homeless woman,
uh, probably... probably on bath salts.
Oh, she has a law enforcement uniform.
She may in fact pretend to be...
- CLEMENTINE: What? - What... What do you mean?
That's not her 'cause she doesn't have an eye patch.
But she does... She doesn't have an eye patch.
No, hers... hers was on the other side.
Her eye patch was on the other side.