1 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,605 Junior: you know, it is estimated that the american workforce 2 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:17,942 Has lost 80% to 87% of its productivity 3 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:20,711 After the invention of the internet. 4 00:00:20,746 --> 00:00:22,647 Thank you, al gore. 5 00:00:22,681 --> 00:00:25,082 It ain't exactly googling recipes, either. 6 00:00:25,116 --> 00:00:27,418 What they're doing is, they're googling porn. 7 00:00:27,452 --> 00:00:29,386 We at the reno sheriff's department 8 00:00:29,421 --> 00:00:33,257 Have safe search embedded into each of our computers, 9 00:00:33,291 --> 00:00:36,493 But you can get around that. 10 00:00:36,528 --> 00:00:39,096 What you got to do is, you got to break into the matrix. 11 00:00:39,131 --> 00:00:41,398 Most computers intimidate people 12 00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:43,100 Because you think they're too complicated, 13 00:00:43,134 --> 00:00:46,470 But they're no more complicated than the human brain 14 00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:49,406 Or a '72 chevy engine. 15 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,142 All right. Release the porn. 16 00:00:59,284 --> 00:01:01,051 Let's go, joe. Let's go, joe. 17 00:01:02,053 --> 00:01:04,288 Son of a bitch. Goddamn it! 18 00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:11,361 They all have guns! 19 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,634 Whoo hoo! 20 00:01:18,936 --> 00:01:19,937 Ow! 21 00:01:19,972 --> 00:01:21,438 Push them together? 22 00:01:21,473 --> 00:01:22,973 Sheriff's department off your bike. 23 00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:26,510 Oh! God! 24 00:01:30,415 --> 00:01:31,548 [Click click click] 25 00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:47,231 Man: � i want some linoleum floors � 26 00:01:47,265 --> 00:01:49,199 ¶ you want some linoleum floors � 27 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,168 ¶ who wants linoleum floors? ¶ 28 00:01:51,203 --> 00:01:53,203 ¶ everybody wants linoleum floors � 29 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,139 ¶ tiles, parquet � 30 00:01:55,173 --> 00:01:57,107 ¶ hardwood? Ok � 31 00:01:57,142 --> 00:01:59,276 ¶ bathrooms, kitchens � 32 00:01:59,311 --> 00:02:01,178 ¶ hallways, bitchin' � 33 00:02:01,212 --> 00:02:03,146 ¶ linoleum, linoleum � 34 00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,248 ¶ we got linoleum floors � 35 00:02:05,283 --> 00:02:07,451 ¶ dance party � 36 00:02:08,553 --> 00:02:10,120 Oh, i love that. 37 00:02:10,155 --> 00:02:11,755 That's my favorite commercial. 38 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,824 Dangle: what would you say if i told you 39 00:02:13,859 --> 00:02:17,862 We have just hired the linoleum floor guy 40 00:02:17,896 --> 00:02:20,831 To do our new recruitment commercial? 41 00:02:20,865 --> 00:02:22,699 What? We got him? 42 00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:24,201 I would call you a fucking liar. 43 00:02:24,235 --> 00:02:25,936 We got the linoleum guy? 44 00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:27,704 Will we get to meet him? 45 00:02:27,739 --> 00:02:29,306 Dangle: get to meet him, have to meet him. 46 00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:31,942 First off, he has a name. His name is levon french. 47 00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:33,811 He says he can do it for the $8,000. 48 00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:35,446 He wants interviews with everybody. 49 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,015 He's gonna shoot some footage with all of us. 50 00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:40,617 ¶ who wants linoleum floors? ¶ 51 00:02:40,652 --> 00:02:42,619 ¶ i want linoleum floors � 52 00:02:42,653 --> 00:02:44,588 ¶ you want linoleum floors � 53 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,523 ¶ tile, parquet � 54 00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:49,193 ¶ hardwood? ¶ � ok! ¶ 55 00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:51,028 Jones: did you speak to him? Of course. 56 00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:52,029 Yeah? Yeah. 57 00:02:52,063 --> 00:02:53,496 What does his voice sound like? 58 00:02:53,531 --> 00:02:55,665 He's, well-- 59 00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:58,502 He's very well-Spoken... 60 00:03:00,938 --> 00:03:04,875 You know, for a black guy, and then he's-- 61 00:03:04,909 --> 00:03:08,111 By the way, jim, do i speak clearly 62 00:03:08,145 --> 00:03:13,817 And--And--Clearly as--For a black man? 63 00:03:13,851 --> 00:03:17,955 Often, but not right then. That was a bad example. Go again. 64 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,823 I was gonna be offended, but you're right. 65 00:03:19,857 --> 00:03:22,393 You got me on that one. That was bad. 66 00:03:27,331 --> 00:03:29,433 The old jeffers shack was never haunted, 67 00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:30,867 Never haunted at all. 68 00:03:30,902 --> 00:03:33,604 Old man jeffers just wanted everybody to think it was haunted 69 00:03:33,638 --> 00:03:35,439 So he could make crystal meth in it, 70 00:03:35,473 --> 00:03:36,974 But don't you worry. 71 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,076 Thanks to you guys, old man jeffers 72 00:03:39,110 --> 00:03:42,078 Is going to jail for a very, very long time. 73 00:03:42,113 --> 00:03:43,347 I would've gotten away with it, too, 74 00:03:43,381 --> 00:03:44,515 If it wasn't for you fucking kids! 75 00:03:44,549 --> 00:03:45,548 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. 76 00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:46,784 Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey. 77 00:03:46,818 --> 00:03:49,820 I'm gonna kill you kids. You're so fucking dead. 78 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:50,987 I'm gonna find where you live. 79 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,356 I'm gonna come to your fucking house. 80 00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,258 I'm gonna kill your families. I'm gonna kill you. 81 00:03:54,292 --> 00:03:57,127 I'm gonna cut your parents' faces off while you're still alive. 82 00:03:57,161 --> 00:04:00,163 Then i'm gonna skull fuck you to the music of their anguish. 83 00:04:00,197 --> 00:04:02,232 You fucking kids, you. 84 00:04:02,266 --> 00:04:03,701 You, i'm gonna cut a cock size hole 85 00:04:03,735 --> 00:04:05,569 In your chest and fuck your heart. 86 00:04:05,604 --> 00:04:07,304 I'm gonna kill everyone who ever knew you. 87 00:04:07,339 --> 00:04:10,541 I don't care if i have to get every man, woman, and child in storey county! 88 00:04:10,575 --> 00:04:13,243 Ok. This is washoe county, by the way. 89 00:04:13,277 --> 00:04:15,478 It's storey county! 90 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,715 Oh, crap, are we in storey county? 91 00:04:18,749 --> 00:04:19,783 This is storey county? Really? 92 00:04:19,817 --> 00:04:21,017 Storey county. 93 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,286 The shack is in storey county? 94 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,654 Yes. This is storey county. Look at a fucking map. 95 00:04:24,689 --> 00:04:26,823 Where does this become storey county, after the 40? 96 00:04:26,858 --> 00:04:28,792 After the 40. Oh, boy. Oh, boy, boy. 97 00:04:28,826 --> 00:04:30,894 This is not our jurisdiction. 98 00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:33,463 Yikes. Wow. That was so our bad. 99 00:04:33,497 --> 00:04:36,767 Old man jeffers, you are free to go. 100 00:04:36,801 --> 00:04:38,502 Even grownups make mistakes. 101 00:04:38,536 --> 00:04:40,137 So sorry about that. There you go, sir. 102 00:04:40,171 --> 00:04:42,406 Sorry for troubling you. Thanks, kids. Way to go. 103 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,741 Have a great evening. 104 00:04:44,775 --> 00:04:46,476 The 40 is that way? 105 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,680 You know, levon french 106 00:04:50,715 --> 00:04:52,049 Has one of them personalities 107 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,918 That's just magnetic, you know? 108 00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:55,385 I think there's some actors 109 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,354 Who i could just watch read the phone book, 110 00:04:57,389 --> 00:05:01,158 Like adrienne barbeau or burt reynolds, 111 00:05:01,193 --> 00:05:02,927 You know, that you're just sucked in, 112 00:05:02,961 --> 00:05:05,929 And levon french is that kind of man. 113 00:05:05,964 --> 00:05:09,065 Why did you pick only people from "the cannonball run"? 114 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,701 Would you say that dom deluise, 115 00:05:10,735 --> 00:05:11,969 You could watch him read the phone book, too? 116 00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:14,572 Oh, yeah, dude, if he could keep a straight face. 117 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,840 I don't think he could, old dom deluise. 118 00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:22,379 Dangle: oh, smells like show biz in here. 119 00:05:22,413 --> 00:05:24,281 Smells like cinnabon. 120 00:05:24,315 --> 00:05:26,850 Well, because that's right next door. 121 00:05:26,885 --> 00:05:29,286 You would never, ever know this was in a strip mall. 122 00:05:29,321 --> 00:05:31,955 Never would know. Oh, my goodness, wow. 123 00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:33,924 Hi. Very big fan. Yes. 124 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,627 Ok. I don't know--Ok. 125 00:05:36,661 --> 00:05:37,995 We were supposed to. 126 00:05:38,029 --> 00:05:39,629 We were supposed to do that. Very nice to meet you, ma'am. 127 00:05:39,664 --> 00:05:40,730 Have a seat, gentlemens. 128 00:05:40,765 --> 00:05:42,166 That was only for because you're a lady, 129 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,101 Not for any other reason. 130 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:47,805 Mr. French... we need your magic. 131 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,473 We need you to do... what you did for linoleum. 132 00:05:50,508 --> 00:05:53,043 We need to be your linoleum now. Mm. 133 00:05:53,077 --> 00:05:56,280 That's a no or a yes? Mm. That's a mm. 134 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,715 Ok, so we had discussed on the phone, 135 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:02,786 For the recruitment video, it's $8,000. 136 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,288 Let me just-- 137 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:09,226 See, i don't do this for the money, ok? 138 00:06:09,260 --> 00:06:11,094 Oh. Yeah. You see what i'm saying? 139 00:06:11,129 --> 00:06:14,364 I don't do this to get paid. 140 00:06:14,398 --> 00:06:16,667 I don't do this to be famous. 141 00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:18,668 I do this out of love... 142 00:06:18,703 --> 00:06:20,771 This is the best news ever. Wow. 143 00:06:20,805 --> 00:06:25,876 So--Katkat-- The thing, though, is, 144 00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:30,114 I need you to trust me. 145 00:06:30,148 --> 00:06:33,083 Oh, we do. Mm mm mm mm! Mm mm mm! 146 00:06:33,117 --> 00:06:34,918 We don't. We don't trust you. 147 00:06:34,952 --> 00:06:38,521 We do not, not at all, sir. Trust me. 148 00:06:38,556 --> 00:06:39,990 As soon as we can get shooting-- 149 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,793 We would love to get shooting just as soon as possible, and-- 150 00:06:42,827 --> 00:06:44,761 4:00. Yes. Great. 151 00:06:44,796 --> 00:06:46,563 Was i supposed to kiss this the first time? 152 00:06:46,598 --> 00:06:51,068 I'm honestly not positive. Trust. 153 00:06:52,470 --> 00:06:55,238 That was a yes, right? 154 00:06:55,273 --> 00:06:57,941 Boy, i hope so. 155 00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:02,179 This is the last nice place in town, too. 156 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,381 Terry! Sheriff's department. 157 00:07:04,415 --> 00:07:06,116 Shh! Sheriff's department. 158 00:07:06,150 --> 00:07:07,984 Don't shush us. Don't you shush us. 159 00:07:08,018 --> 00:07:09,153 Don't shush us. Don't you shush us. 160 00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:10,654 Don't run. Don't flee. Don't you flee. 161 00:07:10,688 --> 00:07:12,823 Don't you flee and don't shush us. Shh! 162 00:07:12,857 --> 00:07:14,291 Terry... shh! 163 00:07:14,325 --> 00:07:16,293 Who's been hosting story time here? 164 00:07:16,327 --> 00:07:19,262 Yes, and they love that you do that as part of community service. 165 00:07:19,296 --> 00:07:21,498 It is so fun. It is fun. 166 00:07:21,532 --> 00:07:23,366 I think i'm addicted to story time. 167 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,435 You're addicted to storytelling? "Addicted." 168 00:07:25,469 --> 00:07:27,137 What an interesting word to use, 169 00:07:27,171 --> 00:07:28,504 Addicted to telling stories. 170 00:07:28,539 --> 00:07:30,074 So, you got a call. Ring, ring. Yes. 171 00:07:30,108 --> 00:07:31,441 Oh, mime it out for us. That's great. 172 00:07:31,476 --> 00:07:32,909 You be me. Ok. 173 00:07:32,944 --> 00:07:34,778 "Lieutenant jim dangle." You be me. 174 00:07:34,812 --> 00:07:35,945 "Sheriff's department." 175 00:07:35,980 --> 00:07:37,448 [Deep voice] it's me, jim dangle. Great. 176 00:07:37,482 --> 00:07:39,516 Here's the other end of the phone. This is very important. 177 00:07:39,550 --> 00:07:42,519 Hello. This is susan from the library. 178 00:07:42,554 --> 00:07:45,421 You know that terry bernadino is down here doing community service. 179 00:07:45,456 --> 00:07:48,125 He was hosting a story time. 180 00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:53,163 He said he put up fliers saying he was going to read "moby dick" to the children. 181 00:07:53,197 --> 00:07:56,033 Then it turned into not a reading at all, 182 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:59,736 But more of a puppet show that he was calling "moby dick." 183 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,238 [Deep voice] terry would never do that. He's my best friend. 184 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:03,873 Yes, he would. He would do that. 185 00:08:03,908 --> 00:08:06,076 No. That sounds exactly like something he would do. 186 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,979 Hold on. Who's on the other line? 187 00:08:09,014 --> 00:08:11,347 Terry? Terry, hi. It's lieutenant jim dangle from reno sheriff's department. 188 00:08:11,382 --> 00:08:13,182 I can't. I'm in the shower. I'm gonna add in jones. 189 00:08:13,217 --> 00:08:14,651 Describe the puppet show, terry. 190 00:08:14,685 --> 00:08:17,354 What was the reading of "moby dick" like? 191 00:08:17,388 --> 00:08:19,556 It's about a whale or something, 192 00:08:19,590 --> 00:08:23,827 And he's in the sea, and stuff happens, and the show is over. 193 00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:26,162 Did you paint something on yourself? 194 00:08:26,196 --> 00:08:27,664 I painted some stuff. 195 00:08:27,698 --> 00:08:30,133 What did you paint? 196 00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:32,335 You know, my body. 197 00:08:32,370 --> 00:08:34,037 You painted what part of your body? 198 00:08:34,071 --> 00:08:35,305 Let's all hang up our phones. 199 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,540 Did you make a little whale face on there? 200 00:08:37,575 --> 00:08:39,476 Yeah. He did. That's not even a good wha-- 201 00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:41,912 It's not terrible. No, no, no, no, no. 202 00:08:41,946 --> 00:08:43,780 Watch the blowhole. Nope. 203 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,615 Oh, god. Time to go. Time to go. 204 00:08:55,226 --> 00:08:57,227 So, you got your tubes tied. 205 00:08:57,261 --> 00:08:58,462 Williams: yep. 206 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,830 That means you can have sex without a condom. 207 00:09:00,864 --> 00:09:03,934 Yep. Yeah. 208 00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,669 Let's see how you look on camera over here. 209 00:09:05,703 --> 00:09:09,272 We're just gonna get a little bit of a camera test, if you will. 210 00:09:09,307 --> 00:09:10,940 You are trapped inside of a cage. 211 00:09:10,975 --> 00:09:14,978 I want you to let her out. 212 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,913 Raar! Yes. Let her out. 213 00:09:16,948 --> 00:09:17,947 Now turn around a little bit. 214 00:09:17,982 --> 00:09:19,782 Turn around. Turn around. Raar! 215 00:09:19,817 --> 00:09:23,920 All the way around. Yes. Yes. Crawl. Yes. 216 00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:26,856 You're swimming. You're swimming out of that cage. 217 00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:30,394 Yes. Yes. I'm swimming. I'm swimming. Raar! 218 00:09:30,428 --> 00:09:32,996 Katkat, make sure you get up and down. 219 00:09:32,797 --> 00:09:34,597 Now stay turned around. Stay turned around that way. 220 00:09:34,632 --> 00:09:37,867 Yes. Oh, yes. Raar! 221 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,740 If you come in my neighborhood and smoke dope, you get-- 222 00:09:43,774 --> 00:09:47,111 All right. Ok. Oh, yeah? Ha ha ha! 223 00:09:47,145 --> 00:09:49,713 Hot shot, right? Speedy gonzalez. Guess what. 224 00:09:49,747 --> 00:09:52,182 He booked the wrong mother fucker to run away from 225 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,917 Because i'm in shape. 226 00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:55,786 I'm in real good shape. 227 00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:57,821 The only thing you got to do at this age is make sure 228 00:09:57,855 --> 00:10:01,091 You warm yourself up so you don't pull a-- 229 00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:03,293 Oh, fuck. 230 00:10:03,327 --> 00:10:07,431 Oh! Aw, fuck it. 231 00:10:07,465 --> 00:10:09,799 Ugh! Ok. Oh, fuck. 232 00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:11,401 Can't you turn the fucking thing off? 233 00:10:11,435 --> 00:10:14,872 I am having a full-On fucking heart attack. 234 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:18,074 Uh! Fuck 235 00:10:18,109 --> 00:10:20,444 Ah! Ok. 236 00:10:20,478 --> 00:10:22,179 It's happened before. I'll be good. 237 00:10:22,213 --> 00:10:24,447 O...k. This is a good one. 238 00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:27,417 Oh, yeah. You got any baby aspirin? 239 00:10:33,825 --> 00:10:36,893 Weigel: sir, i don't feel like this is fitting right. 240 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,096 Levon: yes. Oh, look at how lovely you look. 241 00:10:39,130 --> 00:10:40,831 It's not backwards? No, no, no. 242 00:10:40,865 --> 00:10:42,299 It's absolutely perfect. 243 00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:43,466 You got the footies on right. 244 00:10:43,501 --> 00:10:44,768 That's how you know it's not backwards, 245 00:10:44,802 --> 00:10:46,503 Or else they'd be hanging off the back of your foot. 246 00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,738 Ok. Yes. Yes. 247 00:10:48,772 --> 00:10:51,074 The suit was a little damp when i put it on. 248 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:54,144 Oh, it smells so good. That's intoxicating. 249 00:10:54,178 --> 00:10:56,613 I can't take full credit for that, i'm afraid. 250 00:10:56,647 --> 00:10:59,015 You're going to move around, 251 00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:03,586 And the camera is gonna get your motions, ok? 252 00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:05,189 Oh, it's gonna capture my motions. 253 00:11:05,223 --> 00:11:07,124 Yes. Yes. Ok. 254 00:11:07,158 --> 00:11:09,659 I'm just gonna put a little smiley face on your vagina. 255 00:11:09,693 --> 00:11:11,628 Oh, ok. Lookit. Yes. 256 00:11:11,662 --> 00:11:13,463 Can i ask a question? What's that? 257 00:11:13,497 --> 00:11:16,833 Why would you need to reference my vagina for the commercial? 258 00:11:16,867 --> 00:11:20,837 Well, see, the thing is, you know, the police is a ugly business. 259 00:11:20,871 --> 00:11:22,739 We all know this ugly business. 260 00:11:22,773 --> 00:11:26,009 There's some things you just got to be adult about. 261 00:11:26,043 --> 00:11:27,744 Yes. Yes. 262 00:11:27,778 --> 00:11:29,812 You're running from the police. Ok. 263 00:11:29,847 --> 00:11:31,248 Yes. Yes. Am i doing it right? 264 00:11:31,282 --> 00:11:32,916 Here. Let me keep you in place for this. 265 00:11:32,951 --> 00:11:34,685 This is the first time i've ever done this. Yes. 266 00:11:34,719 --> 00:11:36,052 I hear that all the time. 267 00:11:36,087 --> 00:11:37,320 Now you're getting caught. 268 00:11:37,354 --> 00:11:38,822 Now you're trying to get away. That's tight. 269 00:11:38,856 --> 00:11:40,357 You're holding me tight. Oh, yes. Yes. 270 00:11:40,391 --> 00:11:42,292 Well, i can't let you go. I'm the police. 271 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:45,361 Please, please, i don't want to go to jail. Yes. Yes. 272 00:11:45,396 --> 00:11:46,830 You don't want to go to jail. 273 00:11:46,864 --> 00:11:48,331 Are you catching this? Say, "i've been a bad girl." 274 00:11:48,365 --> 00:11:51,334 I've been a bad girl. Yes. Yes. 275 00:11:51,369 --> 00:11:54,504 Now make a choking sound. 276 00:11:57,808 --> 00:11:59,376 I love rush week. 277 00:11:59,410 --> 00:12:00,477 Yeah. Love it. 278 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,212 Hey, guys. Love you! 279 00:12:02,246 --> 00:12:03,813 Hey, you want to have your car washed? 280 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,782 How you doing? Hi. 281 00:12:05,816 --> 00:12:11,788 We wanted to see if we could get a freebie. 282 00:12:11,822 --> 00:12:14,390 Yeah! Because we figured, like, you know, 283 00:12:14,424 --> 00:12:15,792 You're serving the community, 284 00:12:15,827 --> 00:12:17,294 And we're serving the community. 285 00:12:17,328 --> 00:12:19,195 We're both serving the community. 286 00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:20,496 Yeah. You know. 287 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,533 You wash our back, and we'll wash your front. 288 00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:25,035 That's not what he meant. 289 00:12:25,069 --> 00:12:27,837 Girls! Girls, it's gonna be a cop freebie today. 290 00:12:27,871 --> 00:12:29,806 All right. Whoo! Cop freebie. 291 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,274 Yeah. Put them on the glass. 292 00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:33,009 You don't tell them to put them on the glass. 293 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,511 Thanks, guys. 294 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,879 Oh, we should've brought beers. 295 00:12:35,913 --> 00:12:37,280 We should've, completely. 296 00:12:37,314 --> 00:12:38,281 We should've brought beers. We should've brought beers. 297 00:12:38,316 --> 00:12:39,282 What the hell were we thinking? 298 00:12:39,317 --> 00:12:40,416 Why weren't we thinking? 299 00:12:40,450 --> 00:12:42,251 Hey. Hey, how you doing? 300 00:12:42,286 --> 00:12:44,888 Great. How's it looking? How's it looking? 301 00:12:44,922 --> 00:12:46,256 It looked great from in here, 302 00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:47,991 But we can't see the car. Good. All right. 303 00:12:48,025 --> 00:12:50,326 Ok. Well, we're all done. Bye, you guys. 304 00:12:50,361 --> 00:12:51,761 Move out the way, bitches. 305 00:12:51,795 --> 00:12:53,130 Don't say, "put them on the glass," 306 00:12:53,164 --> 00:12:54,297 And don't call them bitches. 307 00:12:54,331 --> 00:12:57,000 Ok. Sorry. Hey. Bye. 308 00:12:59,536 --> 00:13:00,836 That turquoise bikini top, 309 00:13:00,871 --> 00:13:03,072 She was just too big. Live a little. 310 00:13:03,107 --> 00:13:05,342 You're saying i don't live? I guess not. 311 00:13:05,376 --> 00:13:06,709 You're saying i don't live 312 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,478 Just because i don't like a triple-E cup. 313 00:13:08,512 --> 00:13:10,313 I don't know who you are. 314 00:13:10,347 --> 00:13:14,451 You think you know someone. I like a solid "d." 315 00:13:18,222 --> 00:13:20,790 Levon: we're here to recruit people. 316 00:13:20,825 --> 00:13:25,261 We want the people to see you 317 00:13:25,296 --> 00:13:28,598 And want to be a policeman. 318 00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:31,835 I get a feeling from you 319 00:13:31,869 --> 00:13:35,305 That something-- 320 00:13:35,339 --> 00:13:37,674 A little boy, something happened. 321 00:13:37,708 --> 00:13:40,109 I don't do that. Nah. 322 00:13:40,144 --> 00:13:41,712 It's for the video. No, no, no. 323 00:13:41,746 --> 00:13:44,848 I need you to trust me. 324 00:13:44,882 --> 00:13:48,084 I had a teacher... uh-Huh? 325 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:50,720 And she would have us come up to the board, 326 00:13:50,755 --> 00:13:55,825 And this one day, i had been looking at-- 327 00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:59,696 I'd been looking at this girl's breasts in the-- 328 00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:02,365 Yes. 329 00:14:02,399 --> 00:14:04,200 And i had an erection. 330 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,002 Inside the classroom, you mean? 331 00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:07,304 I said, "i'll do it any other time, 332 00:14:07,338 --> 00:14:08,538 Just not this time." 333 00:14:08,572 --> 00:14:12,742 Oh, yes, and that is what i mean by the trust. 334 00:14:12,777 --> 00:14:16,012 Katkat, camera. 335 00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:19,449 Officer declan, i'm gonna ask you to stand up. 336 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,517 Not--I--I'll do it-- Not now. 337 00:14:31,061 --> 00:14:33,430 You think that we'll be in the commercial? 338 00:14:33,464 --> 00:14:35,398 Do you think they'll use stunt people? 339 00:14:35,432 --> 00:14:37,400 I think it's probably gonna be a mix. 340 00:14:37,435 --> 00:14:38,635 Like stunt people. 341 00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,536 So, it's like we look at the camera 342 00:14:40,571 --> 00:14:43,373 And say, "reno, where the action is," 343 00:14:43,408 --> 00:14:44,607 And then... stunt, stunt, stunts. 344 00:14:44,642 --> 00:14:47,310 We turn around, and then a stunt guy turns around 345 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,712 And then stunt, stunt, stunt, 346 00:14:48,746 --> 00:14:50,146 Somebody on wire doing wire fu. 347 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,214 Do a wire fu. 348 00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:52,982 I said, "you know, hey, we're spending 8,000 bucks, 349 00:14:53,016 --> 00:14:54,950 But don't jew us on the wire fu." 350 00:14:59,891 --> 00:15:01,758 We very much appreciate your visit to reno. 351 00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:03,827 Thank you, and don't come again. Thank you. 352 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,529 Now we're gonna take you to the county line 353 00:15:05,563 --> 00:15:07,096 Into beautiful, wonderful sparks, nevada. 354 00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:11,568 Sparks, nevada. Agh! Aw, fuck it.. 355 00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:15,571 Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. 356 00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:17,340 Sparks sheriff's department. 357 00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,742 If it isn't dingleberry and walking small. 358 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:23,246 Oh, no. Look at that. Look at that. 359 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,482 I just added to the real estate value of sparks 360 00:15:26,516 --> 00:15:28,051 By spitting at it. 361 00:15:28,085 --> 00:15:30,853 Well, here. Let me help you out with your water supply. 362 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,121 There you go. 363 00:15:32,155 --> 00:15:34,190 Oh, i'll do it again. How about that? 364 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:37,693 Let's take a swim in lake reno. Yeah. 365 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,797 Junior: i'm spitting in your jurisdiction. How do you feel about that? 366 00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:43,266 Hold on. Hold on. I'm running out of spit. 367 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:44,534 Dangle: i'm running out of spit, too. 368 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:45,835 Let's give it a second. 369 00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:46,969 Give it a second. Give it a second. Give it a second. 370 00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:48,472 Let's all get a little more spit. 371 00:15:48,506 --> 00:15:50,273 How's it doing over there in sparks? 372 00:15:50,308 --> 00:15:53,677 I hear your library got a book. Thank you. 373 00:15:53,711 --> 00:15:57,814 And i heard it's not all the way colored in. 374 00:15:57,848 --> 00:16:01,251 You guys don't even have sex with your own family 375 00:16:01,285 --> 00:16:05,454 Because not even your family wants to have sex with you. 376 00:16:05,489 --> 00:16:06,856 You are literally letting out 377 00:16:06,891 --> 00:16:08,792 Enough rope to hang yourself. 378 00:16:08,826 --> 00:16:10,326 Did you understand what you even just said? 379 00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:12,195 I'm saying that our families are sexy 380 00:16:12,229 --> 00:16:14,631 So, of course they want to have sex with each other. 381 00:16:14,665 --> 00:16:17,700 You are dangerously close to stepping into our jurisdiction. 382 00:16:17,735 --> 00:16:19,869 Your gun is in reno! Your gun is in reno. 383 00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:22,505 Do it again. Do it again. Fine. 384 00:16:22,539 --> 00:16:24,140 Put him into sparks. 385 00:16:24,174 --> 00:16:27,210 Come on! Offensive line! Offensive line! 386 00:16:27,244 --> 00:16:29,246 Now you're in ours! Shit. Shit. 387 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,713 They got me fair and square. 388 00:16:30,748 --> 00:16:32,916 I don't want to go to jail in sparks, man! 389 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,851 Don't let me go to jail in sparks, man! 390 00:16:34,886 --> 00:16:36,286 Do you know what they do to you? 391 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,620 Could we get a jump? 392 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:44,560 Rizzo: cindy! Cindy, hi. 393 00:16:44,594 --> 00:16:47,497 In my locker, there were 3 jars 394 00:16:47,531 --> 00:16:49,532 Of urine, of my urine. 395 00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:50,934 Yes. I saw it. 396 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,136 Yes, and they're no longer there, and it's my locker, 397 00:16:53,170 --> 00:16:55,205 And just my locker is my stuff, 398 00:16:55,239 --> 00:16:58,441 And i'm just wondering where the jars of urine are. 399 00:16:58,475 --> 00:16:59,709 Oh, it's in the garbage. 400 00:16:59,743 --> 00:17:02,712 Lieutenant asked me to clean all the locker. 401 00:17:02,747 --> 00:17:05,982 Did you notice, i fold all your clothes and i clean your gun? 402 00:17:06,016 --> 00:17:08,084 That was very nice. That was very nice of you. 403 00:17:08,118 --> 00:17:10,953 I put a little deodorant tree inside for you. 404 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,955 Oh, well, that was very nice. No. It smells good. 405 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,190 It's little overpowering. 406 00:17:14,225 --> 00:17:15,792 It's very lemony now, but that's ok. 407 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,627 Next time, i'll do lavender. 408 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,129 Next time, do nothing. 409 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,797 You ready? You want an invitation, or what? 410 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,400 Uh, one minute. 411 00:17:23,434 --> 00:17:25,034 I just want to make sure i get the right form to-- 412 00:17:25,069 --> 00:17:26,903 [Whispering] can you pee in a cup? 413 00:17:26,938 --> 00:17:29,739 Yeah. Sure. Great. I don't want to watch. 414 00:17:29,773 --> 00:17:30,940 I just need you to pee in a cup. 415 00:17:30,974 --> 00:17:33,376 Ok. For $5.00. Great. 416 00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:42,151 Officer jones... 417 00:17:42,185 --> 00:17:43,820 Yes, sir. 418 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,421 First thing first, 419 00:17:45,456 --> 00:17:48,758 You didn't park in front of cinnabon, did you? 420 00:17:48,792 --> 00:17:51,327 Oh, shit. 421 00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,529 Yeah. Yeah. 422 00:17:53,563 --> 00:17:55,031 You got to take care of that 423 00:17:55,066 --> 00:17:57,366 Because, you know, they'll tow anybody. 424 00:17:57,401 --> 00:18:00,836 He's a evil, evil man, runs the cinnabon over there. 425 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,172 It's like he doesn't even smell the deliciousness 426 00:18:03,206 --> 00:18:05,441 In his own establishment. 427 00:18:08,679 --> 00:18:09,912 Hi, junior. 428 00:18:09,946 --> 00:18:12,916 How you doing today? I'm pleasant. 429 00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,051 Williams: know why we're here, honey? 430 00:18:15,086 --> 00:18:17,853 Do you guys want to finish our game of backgammon? 431 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,422 No. That's not it. 432 00:18:19,456 --> 00:18:21,124 Take another guess. 433 00:18:21,158 --> 00:18:23,092 ¶ bath time � � bath time � 434 00:18:23,126 --> 00:18:24,394 Uh-Uh. No. 435 00:18:24,428 --> 00:18:26,629 Were you maybe up on the roof up there 436 00:18:26,664 --> 00:18:29,031 Taking potshots at the freeway? 437 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:32,802 Do i know anything about that? 438 00:18:32,836 --> 00:18:35,138 Do you know anything about that? 439 00:18:35,172 --> 00:18:36,739 Standing on the roof shooting at the freeway? 440 00:18:36,774 --> 00:18:38,608 Yes. Yeah. No. 441 00:18:38,642 --> 00:18:40,209 You don't know anything about that? 442 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,877 Carmen? 443 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,379 Yes, miss williams? 444 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:47,016 Who's been on the roof shooting at the freeway? 445 00:18:47,051 --> 00:18:48,251 I have. 446 00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:50,320 Yeah. That's true. Yes. 447 00:18:50,354 --> 00:18:51,687 Got up on the roof, and i was like, 448 00:18:51,722 --> 00:18:55,291 "Hey, i'm gonna make water balloons," 449 00:18:55,325 --> 00:18:57,460 And then i saw my daddy's gun. Yeah. 450 00:18:57,494 --> 00:18:59,529 Why don't you come with us? Come on. 451 00:18:59,563 --> 00:19:01,197 Come where? To jail, baby. 452 00:19:01,231 --> 00:19:03,566 Really? Yeah. We're going to the can. 453 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,101 Can we listen to tone loc? 454 00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:08,170 We can listen to tone loc anytime you want. 455 00:19:17,381 --> 00:19:20,216 I think this commercial is gonna be pretty great. 456 00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:23,986 I mean, from what i've seen of what he does, 457 00:19:24,021 --> 00:19:26,956 This may end up being a classic, 458 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:31,260 You know, like a real "where's the beef?" 459 00:19:31,294 --> 00:19:33,963 Plus, i'm in it wearing a unitard with a camel toe, 460 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,898 So talk about "where's the beef?" 461 00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:38,534 Ha ha ha! Ew! 462 00:19:41,438 --> 00:19:44,073 Dangle: moments ago, this was handed to me 463 00:19:44,107 --> 00:19:48,010 By levon french, his assistant katkat. 464 00:19:48,044 --> 00:19:52,047 It's done--The reno sheriff's department recruitment video, 465 00:19:52,082 --> 00:19:54,818 $8,000 in the making. 466 00:19:54,852 --> 00:19:57,086 Ready? 467 00:19:58,522 --> 00:20:02,525 ¶ who wants to be a deputy? ¶ 468 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:06,529 ¶ who wants to be a deputy? ¶ 469 00:20:06,563 --> 00:20:10,433 ¶ i want to be a deputy � 470 00:20:10,467 --> 00:20:14,470 ¶ you want to be a deputy � 471 00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,572 ¶ if you want to be a deputy � 472 00:20:16,607 --> 00:20:18,541 ¶ touch yourself awkwardly � 473 00:20:18,575 --> 00:20:21,277 ¶ everybody � 474 00:20:21,311 --> 00:20:24,647 ¶ dance party � 475 00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:27,784 ¶ if you wanted to be, be a deputy � 476 00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:30,886 ¶ touch yourself awkwardly if you want to be a deputy � 477 00:20:39,663 --> 00:20:43,066 I love it! Weigel: whoo hoo hoo hoo! 478 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:46,803 I love it. Declan: home run! 479 00:20:46,837 --> 00:20:48,337 Junior: it's better than the linoleum commercial. 480 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,674 Way better. Way better. 481 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:55,077 Make room for new deputies! 482 00:20:55,112 --> 00:20:58,814 The eagle goes by. Were you watching? The eagle goes by. 483 00:20:58,848 --> 00:21:00,416 ¶ who wants to be a deputy? ¶ 484 00:21:00,450 --> 00:21:02,451 ¶ i want to be a deputy � 485 00:21:02,486 --> 00:21:04,386 ¶ who wants to be a deputy? ¶ 486 00:21:04,421 --> 00:21:06,856 ¶ i want to be a deputy � 487 00:21:11,595 --> 00:21:12,294 None of the tv stations 488 00:21:12,329 --> 00:21:14,430 Will run the recruitment commercial. 489 00:21:14,464 --> 00:21:17,066 Why? Well, they gave a couple of reasons. 490 00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:21,370 A big one, it's 7 minutes long. 491 00:21:21,404 --> 00:21:22,705 Why it's so good. 492 00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,374 Oh, also, apparently, i didn't notice that he says motherfucker... 493 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:27,343 At the end... a bunch of times. 494 00:21:27,377 --> 00:21:29,879 After the fourth dance break. 495 00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:32,315 They say motherfucker on tv all the time. 496 00:21:32,349 --> 00:21:35,819 You can't. Watch. Motherfucker. Watch. 497 00:21:35,853 --> 00:21:38,320 Motherfucker motherfucker. 498 00:21:38,355 --> 00:21:40,022 Dangle: motherfucker would never make it. 499 00:21:40,056 --> 00:21:41,757 Motherfucker.