1 00:00:12,737 --> 00:00:13,704 Sheriff's department. 2 00:00:13,738 --> 00:00:15,206 Hello. Sheriff's department. 3 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,741 We got a call here at the nevada state mental hospital. 4 00:00:17,775 --> 00:00:19,443 They had an emergency. 5 00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:22,413 Man: oh, here's the police officers. Thank you so much for coming. 6 00:00:22,447 --> 00:00:26,416 I just need you guys to take a look at this. 7 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:31,221 It's a picture of a man's penis. 8 00:00:31,256 --> 00:00:40,197 My penis. So you guys drove 45 minutes to take a look at a polaroid of my penis, 9 00:00:40,231 --> 00:00:45,903 So who's crazy now? Bbllbbll! 10 00:00:45,937 --> 00:00:49,573 Man: andy. Andy. Back in the hole, man. 11 00:00:49,608 --> 00:00:51,508 You've got to stay off the phones, ok? 12 00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:53,077 Andy: tell the phones to stay off of me. 13 00:00:53,111 --> 00:00:57,214 Hey, you can hold on to that, sugar tits. You can find me on eharmony. 14 00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:59,016 Captioning made possible by mtv networks 15 00:00:59,050 --> 00:01:00,451 Son of a bitch. God damn it! 16 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:04,421 [Tires screeching] 17 00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:05,555 Come on! 18 00:01:05,590 --> 00:01:07,624 They all have guns! 19 00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:16,233 Ow! 20 00:01:16,268 --> 00:01:17,902 Push 'em together? 21 00:01:17,936 --> 00:01:19,503 Sheriff's department get off your bike! 22 00:01:21,105 --> 00:01:22,773 Aah! 23 00:01:24,509 --> 00:01:25,910 [Siren] 24 00:01:25,944 --> 00:01:27,778 [Click click] 25 00:01:33,751 --> 00:01:34,752 Aah! 26 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:46,697 I'm sorry if i'm on edge today. My a capella choir has disbanded. I'm sorry. 27 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:47,831 Aw... 28 00:01:47,866 --> 00:01:48,966 That's rough. 29 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,134 You and jeff aren't gonna do it anymore? 30 00:01:50,168 --> 00:01:54,171 No. We will never--Me and jeff will never--We-- 31 00:01:54,205 --> 00:01:55,806 Oh, i will never darken his door again. 32 00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:57,742 Oh, i'll be assigning shifts. 33 00:01:57,776 --> 00:02:01,711 We have to keep an eye on that witness for the state's attorney's office. 34 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,214 Uh...mario... 35 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,016 In that case. 36 00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:08,486 I don't know if that's-- Is that the code name? Code name's mario? 37 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,120 There's no one in real enforcement 38 00:02:10,155 --> 00:02:11,822 But you that uses code names, so i'm assuming that's his real name. 39 00:02:11,856 --> 00:02:13,423 Ok, his real name is probably mario, 40 00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:18,795 But he's gonna be held up at the--I won't say the name of the hotel. 41 00:02:18,830 --> 00:02:21,532 Wiegel: who are you hiding it from? 42 00:02:21,566 --> 00:02:24,601 The shear arms hotel is where we're gonna be holding that state's witness. 43 00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:26,203 What was that? 44 00:02:26,237 --> 00:02:27,671 'Cause it was secret. 45 00:02:27,705 --> 00:02:28,906 Wiegel: from who? 46 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:29,906 Declan: well, we heard it. Everybody heard it. 47 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,842 You heard it. 48 00:02:31,876 --> 00:02:32,910 They heard it, too. I think they heard it. 49 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,344 Fine. Ok. So they're holding that-- 50 00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:35,379 Declan: did you think we were shooting a silent movie? 51 00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:37,447 No. I-I got confused. 52 00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:41,452 No one has claimed the birdfeeder from the junior deputies' raffle. 53 00:02:41,486 --> 00:02:43,187 I would like to get that off of my books. 54 00:02:43,221 --> 00:02:47,257 If you won the fucking birdfeeder, come fucking get it off my desk. 55 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,928 I don't want that fucking eyesore on my desk any more. 56 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:53,230 That's what that thing is? That's a birdfeeder? 57 00:02:53,265 --> 00:02:54,598 They're the fucking junior deputies, 58 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,333 And they have the slow ones helping this year. 59 00:02:56,367 --> 00:02:58,535 No bird would feed from that thing. 60 00:02:58,570 --> 00:02:59,936 I agree! I want it off my desk. 61 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,039 If you won it, come claim it, or i'm throwing it away. 62 00:03:02,073 --> 00:03:04,241 Why don't they raffle off lawn jockeys anymore? 63 00:03:04,275 --> 00:03:05,976 I love them lawn jockeys they used to make. 64 00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:08,012 Yeah, they got--You know why. 65 00:03:08,046 --> 00:03:09,647 They don't raffle 'em off anymore 66 00:03:09,681 --> 00:03:11,548 'Cause they have them working here with us. 67 00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:15,953 Ha ha! Oh, i got a million of 'em. 68 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:21,992 Hey, carmen. 69 00:03:22,026 --> 00:03:22,993 Hey, carmen. 70 00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,161 Hi, guys. 71 00:03:24,195 --> 00:03:25,328 You almost got us with the hose there, i see. 72 00:03:25,363 --> 00:03:27,497 Hey, how you doing on your meds, carmen? 73 00:03:27,532 --> 00:03:28,833 Carmen! What? 74 00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:30,468 Carmen! How are you doing on your meds? 75 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,503 Do--Carmen? 76 00:03:32,537 --> 00:03:33,837 Do we need to send somebody by to check to see 77 00:03:33,872 --> 00:03:35,172 If you've been taking your meds? 78 00:03:35,206 --> 00:03:36,173 Yes. 79 00:03:36,208 --> 00:03:37,341 Speak into the microphone. 80 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:40,243 Yes, you do need to send somebody by. 81 00:03:40,277 --> 00:03:42,579 Hey, carmen, real quick before we go. 82 00:03:42,614 --> 00:03:43,980 We just wanted to ask. 83 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,683 There was this vacuum cleaner salesman who went missing. 84 00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:47,984 Oh, yeah, yeah. 85 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,520 Have you seen this man, mr. Merrick? 86 00:03:49,554 --> 00:03:53,757 Uh...yeah, no. 87 00:03:53,791 --> 00:03:55,126 Yeah, first you said yes. 88 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,527 You said yeah. 89 00:03:56,561 --> 00:03:58,195 You have seen him? He went missing about 10 days ago. 90 00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,530 In this neighborhood. 91 00:03:59,564 --> 00:04:00,864 Has it been 10 days? 92 00:04:00,898 --> 00:04:03,100 Ok. I'm gonna search the house, you keep her talking. 93 00:04:03,134 --> 00:04:04,901 Yeah. Let's get to the part where... 94 00:04:04,936 --> 00:04:06,904 Carl merrick, are you still alive? 95 00:04:06,938 --> 00:04:09,973 ...where you either-- I'm just guessing. I'm gonna take a wild guess... 96 00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:11,642 Dangle: hey, carmen, where should i start looking? 97 00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:12,776 ...you either tied him up or... 98 00:04:12,810 --> 00:04:16,814 You can start in the freezer . Or the--No, no. 99 00:04:16,848 --> 00:04:17,881 Is he in one piece? 100 00:04:17,915 --> 00:04:19,249 Well... 101 00:04:19,283 --> 00:04:20,584 Mr. Merrick. 102 00:04:20,618 --> 00:04:22,720 His head is. 103 00:04:22,754 --> 00:04:23,921 Ok. 104 00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:25,088 Mm-Hmm. 105 00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:26,756 Ok. Um... 106 00:04:26,791 --> 00:04:29,593 It's weird. It's just like a vacuum, like they come apart so easy. 107 00:04:29,627 --> 00:04:31,662 People? Yeah. 108 00:04:31,696 --> 00:04:34,831 Oh, my god! Ok, he's not missing anymore. 109 00:04:34,866 --> 00:04:36,132 We don't miss him. 110 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:38,368 Listen, listen, listen to me. I can ex-- 111 00:04:38,402 --> 00:04:39,602 Yes? 112 00:04:39,637 --> 00:04:40,804 Well, first of all, can we get a smoothie? 113 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:42,172 Wiegel: sure, we can. 114 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:48,512 We're out here at the sage brush motorhome park 115 00:04:48,547 --> 00:04:51,782 Serving a search warrant on a mr. Steven samantino. 116 00:04:51,816 --> 00:04:54,485 A lot of scumbags live in this area. 117 00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:56,287 It's a shame 'cause it's a really nice area. 118 00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:59,122 Yeah, you kidding? It's like the taj mahal here. 119 00:04:59,157 --> 00:05:00,924 [Dog barking] 120 00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:03,860 Frank. It's this one. It's right here. 121 00:05:03,894 --> 00:05:04,962 Ok. 122 00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:07,298 How do you know how to do this? 123 00:05:07,332 --> 00:05:09,599 'Cause i know how to do it. I take a class at the learning annex. 124 00:05:11,536 --> 00:05:13,503 Sheriff's department! Sheriff's department! 125 00:05:13,537 --> 00:05:15,372 Sheriff's department. Sheriff's department! 126 00:05:15,406 --> 00:05:17,374 Sheriff's department! Sheriff's department! 127 00:05:17,408 --> 00:05:18,775 Sheriff's department! 128 00:05:18,809 --> 00:05:20,511 Franky, are you ok? 129 00:05:20,545 --> 00:05:21,845 I'm fine because no one-- 130 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,180 [Vehicle driving off] 131 00:05:23,214 --> 00:05:24,681 It's moving. What the fuck! 132 00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:26,016 It's moving. What's going on? What's going on? 133 00:05:26,051 --> 00:05:27,117 We're moving. 134 00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,118 Why are we moving? 135 00:05:28,152 --> 00:05:29,119 Why are we moving? 136 00:05:29,153 --> 00:05:30,187 Stop this mobile home! 137 00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:31,288 Let me out! 138 00:05:31,322 --> 00:05:34,024 1, 2, 3! Tuck and roll! 139 00:05:34,058 --> 00:05:35,525 I can't do it. What? 140 00:05:35,559 --> 00:05:37,193 It's high. It looks so painful. 141 00:05:37,228 --> 00:05:38,362 I'll do it. 142 00:05:38,396 --> 00:05:39,362 All right. 143 00:05:39,397 --> 00:05:41,932 Both: 1, 2, 3. 144 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,533 I can't do it. 145 00:05:43,568 --> 00:05:44,834 Come back in. 146 00:05:44,869 --> 00:05:46,003 Ok. Let's go at the same time. 147 00:05:46,037 --> 00:05:47,871 All right. Ok. 148 00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:52,243 Both: 1, 2, 3! 149 00:05:56,414 --> 00:06:00,283 A federal witness we were keeping in protective custody. 150 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:01,551 When's the trial, two weeks? 151 00:06:01,585 --> 00:06:03,087 Two weeks. 152 00:06:12,297 --> 00:06:15,599 Mario? I guess. Mario? Are you mario? 153 00:06:15,633 --> 00:06:19,737 I've heard of this. There's times, you know, where the dog, 154 00:06:19,771 --> 00:06:24,140 Like, can identify a smell. Ah, so the dog probably... 155 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,609 Lived with a murderer. 156 00:06:25,644 --> 00:06:26,877 Yes, yes. 157 00:06:26,911 --> 00:06:28,111 And so... 158 00:06:28,145 --> 00:06:29,445 And they're gonna bring 'em on the stand, 159 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,781 And they're gonna bring mario. 160 00:06:30,815 --> 00:06:32,349 They're gonna ask the dog, they're gonna say, 161 00:06:32,383 --> 00:06:35,619 Is this the man? And the dog will know by smell. 162 00:06:35,653 --> 00:06:36,686 Yeah. 163 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:37,955 Good mario. 164 00:06:37,989 --> 00:06:39,456 Oh, maybe the dog swallowed some kind of, 165 00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:40,623 Like, microfilm or something. 166 00:06:40,658 --> 00:06:41,959 Oh, yeah. 167 00:06:41,993 --> 00:06:43,293 Maybe he's got microfilm in him, 168 00:06:43,327 --> 00:06:45,162 Like he swallowed some kind of evidence, 169 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,964 Some kind of, like, tape or, like, some kind of-- 170 00:06:47,998 --> 00:06:49,632 You know those new, weird little things 171 00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:51,468 You can put in your computer, 172 00:06:51,503 --> 00:06:53,970 And they're like discs but they're, like, little suppositories. 173 00:06:54,005 --> 00:06:55,139 Little firewires. 174 00:06:55,173 --> 00:06:56,473 Yeah, little firewires. 175 00:06:56,508 --> 00:06:58,074 Yeah, maybe he ate a firewire. Did you eat a firewire? 176 00:06:58,109 --> 00:06:59,142 Did you eat a firewire? 177 00:06:59,176 --> 00:07:00,644 Did you eat a firewire, mario. 178 00:07:00,678 --> 00:07:02,879 Did you eat a firewire? 179 00:07:02,913 --> 00:07:06,450 Are supposed to wait for this dog to poop some sort of evidence out? No, no, no. 180 00:07:06,484 --> 00:07:07,517 I would have thought they would have told us 181 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,952 To check his poop for a firewire. 182 00:07:08,986 --> 00:07:10,854 No, no. We're just supposed to turn--We're supposed to keep mario safe. 183 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,824 Oh. Ho ho. Who's a good witness for the state? 184 00:07:13,858 --> 00:07:15,692 Who's a witness for the state, mario? 185 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,294 Who's a witness for the state? 186 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:19,363 Mario is a witness for the state. Ha ha! 187 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,964 Did you feel any firewire in there? 188 00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:29,539 Ah. All right, look. You know what? 189 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,374 He's got to have something... 190 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,544 This guy's got to have something here to... to drink. 191 00:07:34,578 --> 00:07:35,879 I could use a drink maybe. 192 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:37,214 I'm thirsty. 193 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:42,052 Ah, eureka! Huh? Huh? What about it? 194 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,220 I'm not usually a drinker. 195 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,221 Come on. 196 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,222 But today i drink. 197 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,222 Today you drink, right? 198 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,391 Here is to us getting to know 199 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,093 Each other a little better. 200 00:07:50,127 --> 00:07:52,729 All right. Here is to us getting the fuck out of here 201 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,631 Before i blow my brains out. 202 00:07:54,665 --> 00:07:57,534 Ok, ok, touche. 203 00:07:57,568 --> 00:08:01,071 I actually feel like i can stand a little bit better now. 204 00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:02,572 Yeah? 205 00:08:02,606 --> 00:08:04,240 Yeah. I'll have some more of that. 206 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,576 All right. It makes me feel-- 207 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,910 All right, i'll do it. 208 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,244 I didn't think i was gonna have fun, 209 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,146 And i'm actually having fun. 210 00:08:10,181 --> 00:08:11,348 I am, too. 211 00:08:11,382 --> 00:08:12,516 I feel like we're at a disco. 212 00:08:12,550 --> 00:08:14,251 It's kind of like a disco, huh? 213 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:19,956 Or like a mosh pit, right? Whoa, whoa. Oh. 214 00:08:19,991 --> 00:08:21,658 Is that your penis? 215 00:08:21,692 --> 00:08:23,960 That is my penis. Is that your vagina? 216 00:08:23,995 --> 00:08:25,295 It is my vagina. 217 00:08:25,329 --> 00:08:26,462 Ok. 218 00:08:26,497 --> 00:08:27,798 I don't hate this. 219 00:08:27,832 --> 00:08:29,633 This is not a terrible thing. 220 00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:32,669 This not the worst thing that has happened since we have been in here. 221 00:08:32,703 --> 00:08:35,506 No. In fact, i would say it's the best thing that happened, 222 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:40,177 And i don't mind if it keeps happening for at least another 45 seconds. 223 00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:52,722 Every time we do this, i get nauseous. The back and forth, winding... 224 00:08:52,757 --> 00:08:57,160 Well, we got to. We got a 911 call from ranger glen. 225 00:08:57,195 --> 00:08:58,895 Man: ahh! 226 00:08:58,930 --> 00:09:00,230 Declan: what happened? 227 00:09:00,264 --> 00:09:01,931 Take it easy, buddy. 228 00:09:01,966 --> 00:09:04,802 Get back. No, no, no. Don't come. It could be contagious. 229 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:08,738 Don't. A rabid cougar got my leg and tried to rip it off, 230 00:09:08,772 --> 00:09:11,107 And i fought him, and he tried to get my stuff, 231 00:09:11,141 --> 00:09:12,942 And i had to fight him off, 232 00:09:12,977 --> 00:09:16,246 And he put--Took my tibia and grabbed a piece of bone out of my leg, 233 00:09:16,281 --> 00:09:18,081 And he ran off with a piece of my bone, 234 00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:19,783 And i--Get back! 235 00:09:19,817 --> 00:09:21,685 It happened, like, two days ago, 236 00:09:21,719 --> 00:09:24,755 And i didn't want to call you guys, so it started clotting up-- 237 00:09:24,789 --> 00:09:26,790 Two days you've been in this kind of crazy, screaming pain? 238 00:09:26,824 --> 00:09:28,024 Yeah. 239 00:09:28,058 --> 00:09:29,792 How come you didn't call us before then? 240 00:09:29,827 --> 00:09:31,594 'Cause i don't like bothering you guys. 241 00:09:31,629 --> 00:09:33,763 I know you hate coming out the 30, 40 miles to get here. 242 00:09:33,798 --> 00:09:37,734 I'm really sorry, but this thing's got to get me into town for a couple weeks. 243 00:09:37,769 --> 00:09:41,571 I got my day pack inside. I got--Are you guys thirsty? 244 00:09:41,606 --> 00:09:43,139 What? 245 00:09:43,174 --> 00:09:44,141 Wait a minute. 246 00:09:44,175 --> 00:09:45,475 It's got, like-- 247 00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:46,977 Don't get close to it, officer. It's got, like-- 248 00:09:47,011 --> 00:09:48,178 What-- 249 00:09:50,014 --> 00:09:53,817 Don't eat my blood! What are you, a zombie? 250 00:09:53,851 --> 00:09:55,486 Spaghetti sauce. 251 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:56,987 Come on, i'll show you. 252 00:09:57,021 --> 00:09:58,922 I put spaghetti sauce on it, but there is a wound. 253 00:09:58,957 --> 00:10:00,257 I'm not lying. I'm gonna come with you. 254 00:10:00,291 --> 00:10:01,491 Declan: you're not-- Get out of here. 255 00:10:01,525 --> 00:10:02,493 I have a-- 256 00:10:02,527 --> 00:10:03,493 You're not coming with us. 257 00:10:03,527 --> 00:10:04,494 I have a compound fracture! 258 00:10:04,529 --> 00:10:05,495 You do not. 259 00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:09,399 911, donner--Donner pass. We have a 911! 260 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:10,500 Give me that! 261 00:10:10,534 --> 00:10:11,835 Man down! Man down! 262 00:10:11,869 --> 00:10:14,003 Give me that. Give me that! 263 00:10:14,037 --> 00:10:15,672 Man down! Big, big, big, big! 264 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:23,180 Ok, ok. 265 00:10:23,214 --> 00:10:26,516 You have the right to remain sexy. 266 00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:27,917 Can i make a suggestion? 267 00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:28,619 Yeah. 268 00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:30,220 Can i take my pants off first? 269 00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:36,559 Woo! Sweetie. Sweetie. 270 00:10:36,593 --> 00:10:39,496 The pressure in that shower was unbelievable. 271 00:10:39,530 --> 00:10:41,164 Who would have thought a moving motor home 272 00:10:41,199 --> 00:10:44,167 Would have such good water pressure? 273 00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:49,139 ¶ lady in the shower should i be so lucky 274 00:10:49,173 --> 00:10:53,376 Lady in the shower fucky fucky fucky � 275 00:10:53,410 --> 00:10:54,311 Ha ha! 276 00:10:54,345 --> 00:10:55,345 You know who sang that? 277 00:10:55,379 --> 00:10:56,380 You did. Just now. 278 00:10:56,414 --> 00:10:57,814 Me. I sang it. 279 00:10:57,848 --> 00:11:07,891 [Man singing in italian] 280 00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:13,263 [Man singing in italian] 281 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,972 All right, kids, i am deputy williams, 282 00:11:22,006 --> 00:11:23,974 And i'm gonna talk to y'all 283 00:11:24,008 --> 00:11:28,245 About keeping yourself safe from pregnancy. 284 00:11:28,279 --> 00:11:30,113 Now, i know you've probably heard a lot, 285 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:35,652 You know, about condoms or abstinence 286 00:11:35,687 --> 00:11:39,456 I'm gonna talk to you about something even better than that. 287 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:42,359 Mmm, getting your tubes tied. 288 00:11:42,393 --> 00:11:45,662 Yes! Raise your hand if you know what an epidural is. 289 00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:48,131 Anybody? All this? Mine is still dead. 290 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:51,368 I don't feel none of that. They're gonna cut you across here, all right. 291 00:11:51,402 --> 00:11:55,338 Then they're gonna take the bottom of our stomach and they gonna clip, clip that 292 00:11:55,373 --> 00:11:57,107 To your breast meat. 293 00:11:57,141 --> 00:12:02,245 All right, now if some of y'all are still as flat-Chested as you are right now, 294 00:12:02,279 --> 00:12:05,015 They just gonna skiz it up underneath your ribcage. 295 00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:08,151 Then you'll feel a tugging sensation, huh? 296 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,286 You feel this just being tugged on. 297 00:12:10,321 --> 00:12:14,591 Then after that, you smell bacon. 298 00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:20,430 Huh? All right. Because that's the laser burning your tubes. 299 00:12:20,464 --> 00:12:23,467 Hopefully you do understand if you want to get 300 00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:25,769 With your man, have a plan. 301 00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:31,408 Ahh... 302 00:12:31,442 --> 00:12:33,843 Ah, thanks. I'm gonna watch the game, i think. 303 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,812 The football game on. 304 00:12:35,846 --> 00:12:38,849 Check out the game, crack open a beer, 305 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,550 Chill out, relax and adjust. 306 00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:41,918 You know what? Wow. 307 00:12:41,952 --> 00:12:43,086 What do you mean, wow? 308 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,421 Oh, just wow. 309 00:12:44,455 --> 00:12:46,256 Wha...what do you mean, wow? 310 00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,091 I just feel like a whore. 311 00:12:48,126 --> 00:12:49,959 You and the-- Aw, here we go. 312 00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:50,960 No, don't touch me. 313 00:12:50,995 --> 00:12:52,062 Here we go. 314 00:12:52,096 --> 00:12:53,830 No. Don't you know how that makes me feel? 315 00:12:53,864 --> 00:12:55,565 Oh, how does it make you feel? 316 00:12:55,599 --> 00:12:57,267 How do you think that makes me feel, 317 00:12:57,302 --> 00:12:59,102 Like i'm slaving over the stove. It's like-- 318 00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:00,403 I didn't ask you to slave. 319 00:13:00,438 --> 00:13:02,338 You said, "i'm gonna cut up these tomatoes." 320 00:13:02,373 --> 00:13:03,807 Aw, now you're gonna make fun of my accent? 321 00:13:03,841 --> 00:13:05,909 Hey, how about some spray cheese? 322 00:13:05,943 --> 00:13:08,545 Ah ba ba ba ba! Here we go. Here we go! 323 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,046 ...spray cheese than that. 324 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,482 Honeymoon's over, i guess. Honeymoon's over, ok? 325 00:13:12,516 --> 00:13:14,317 You know what? Fuck it. I'll do the dishes. 326 00:13:14,351 --> 00:13:15,919 No, no, fuck it. I'll do the dishes. 327 00:13:15,953 --> 00:13:18,488 I should have known better than to fuck an italian. 328 00:13:18,522 --> 00:13:20,056 Fuck. 329 00:13:23,328 --> 00:13:27,097 They are these brand-New al-Queda dogs. 330 00:13:27,131 --> 00:13:28,331 They're smart dogs. 331 00:13:28,365 --> 00:13:29,499 They're smart dogs. And what they do is 332 00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:30,834 They put these little chips in 'em. 333 00:13:30,868 --> 00:13:32,268 It's a surveillance dog. Yeah. Right. 334 00:13:32,303 --> 00:13:34,437 Are you an al-Qaeda surveillance dog, mario? 335 00:13:34,472 --> 00:13:37,207 Is that why we're turning you over to the state's-- 336 00:13:37,241 --> 00:13:39,342 He looks a little bit like an al-Qaeda surveillance dog. 337 00:13:39,377 --> 00:13:40,843 And so like-- 338 00:13:40,878 --> 00:13:42,445 There's like a--There's a microphone in here. 339 00:13:42,479 --> 00:13:43,847 I see something. 340 00:13:43,881 --> 00:13:47,917 Testing, 1, 2, 1, 2, check, 1, 2. Mario mic check. 341 00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:49,919 Mario microphone check. 342 00:13:49,953 --> 00:13:52,188 This would have been a very good encyclopedia brown, 343 00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:53,522 This sort of case. 344 00:13:53,557 --> 00:13:55,591 [Telephone ringing] 345 00:13:59,663 --> 00:14:00,730 Phone's not supposed to be ringing, is it? 346 00:14:00,764 --> 00:14:02,366 No. 347 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,137 They're probably right outside the door. 348 00:14:08,171 --> 00:14:09,973 What they're doing is they're checking to see if we're in here, 349 00:14:10,007 --> 00:14:11,875 And if we're in here, they're gonna know i'm right by the phone, 350 00:14:11,909 --> 00:14:13,577 And they're gonna come in and shoot in this corner. 351 00:14:13,611 --> 00:14:14,744 I'm getting in front of the dog. 352 00:14:14,778 --> 00:14:16,078 Yep. 353 00:14:16,113 --> 00:14:18,047 Ok. Is mar-- Get behind me, mario. 354 00:14:18,082 --> 00:14:19,582 You stay behind him. Stay behind him. 355 00:14:19,616 --> 00:14:20,917 Stay right behind me, mario. 356 00:14:20,952 --> 00:14:23,120 Stay behind him, mario. Ok. Ready? 357 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:27,256 Swear to god. 358 00:14:27,291 --> 00:14:30,260 [Hyperventilating] 359 00:14:30,294 --> 00:14:32,128 Pick it up. 360 00:14:33,464 --> 00:14:36,399 Room 304. 361 00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:39,402 Uh, no, that's ok. We don't need turn-Down service. 362 00:14:39,437 --> 00:14:43,673 Thank you, though. Gracias. You have a nice day, too. 363 00:14:53,651 --> 00:14:55,185 Kind of got to take a leak. 364 00:14:55,219 --> 00:14:57,554 Go for it. I'll watch the witness. 365 00:14:57,588 --> 00:14:58,921 Whew. 366 00:14:58,956 --> 00:15:00,423 Then we'll check the hall again. 367 00:15:00,457 --> 00:15:01,757 And then after that, we'll check the roof again, yeah? 368 00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:03,360 Yeah, let's do a sweep of the roof. 369 00:15:03,394 --> 00:15:05,928 We'll do a sweep of the hall...sweep again. 370 00:15:05,963 --> 00:15:08,064 We ain't sweep the basement in a while either. 371 00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:14,970 Uh, junior? 372 00:15:15,005 --> 00:15:16,506 Yes, sir? 373 00:15:19,343 --> 00:15:22,478 There's no chance that this is mario, is there? 374 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,982 That makes a lot more sense. 375 00:15:26,016 --> 00:15:27,050 That's--Yep. 376 00:15:30,855 --> 00:15:31,988 Dangle: and what's this word here? 377 00:15:32,022 --> 00:15:33,290 Cindy: first time offender. 378 00:15:33,324 --> 00:15:34,390 Ok, what's this word here? 379 00:15:34,425 --> 00:15:36,393 Uh, incarceration? 380 00:15:36,427 --> 00:15:37,827 Very good. Yeah. 381 00:15:37,861 --> 00:15:38,995 What's this here? 382 00:15:39,029 --> 00:15:40,530 Bludgeon tool. 383 00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:42,532 Bludgeon. Let's work on bludgeon. 384 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:43,833 Bludgeon. 385 00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:45,001 One more time. 386 00:15:45,035 --> 00:15:46,535 Maybe you say it for me and then i can-- 387 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:47,837 Ready? Ready? Ok. 388 00:15:47,872 --> 00:15:49,172 Let's look at it together, and i'll say it. 389 00:15:49,206 --> 00:15:50,506 Ok. Bludgeon. 390 00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:53,310 Bludgeon. Bludgeon. 391 00:15:53,344 --> 00:15:54,844 Bludgeon. Bludgeon. 392 00:15:54,878 --> 00:15:56,813 I'm gonna bludgeon you. Bludgeon. 393 00:15:56,847 --> 00:15:58,515 My mouth don't go like that. How do you do that? 394 00:15:58,549 --> 00:15:59,682 It doesn't have to go like that. 395 00:15:59,716 --> 00:16:00,850 It doesn't have to go like that. 396 00:16:00,885 --> 00:16:02,352 It's just a word. Is bludgeon. 397 00:16:02,386 --> 00:16:04,287 Oh. Sawed-Off shotgun. 398 00:16:04,321 --> 00:16:05,555 Exactly. 399 00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:08,458 Uh, cindy, i'm supposed to book benjamin talmadge 400 00:16:08,493 --> 00:16:14,396 For 4 counts of grand ferony? Ferony? Feroni? 401 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:15,398 Yeah. Ferony. 402 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,565 What's that? 403 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,234 Oh, cindy, that's-- 404 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,903 Ferony. You know, there's, like, misdemeanor, there's ferony. 405 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,405 Ferony. Got it. 406 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,407 Ok, you say that one time? 407 00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,743 Ferony. 408 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:27,910 [Inhales deeply] 409 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,112 Ferony. 410 00:16:29,146 --> 00:16:30,747 Pretty good. 411 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,850 Uh, i was having problems reading that report. 412 00:16:33,884 --> 00:16:35,651 What is that word? 413 00:16:35,686 --> 00:16:40,090 Rarceny. You know, it's when people steal something. 414 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,658 Called rarceny, right? Attempted rarceny. 415 00:16:42,693 --> 00:16:44,794 It's a ferony. 416 00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:58,941 Trudy! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! We stopped. 417 00:16:58,975 --> 00:17:00,110 We stopped. 418 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,512 We stopped. We stopped. Take this, take this. 419 00:17:02,546 --> 00:17:03,880 What? Ok. 420 00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:05,214 Here we go. Ok. 421 00:17:05,249 --> 00:17:06,549 I'm sorry. 422 00:17:06,583 --> 00:17:07,884 I'm sorry, too. Ok. 423 00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:09,986 [Salsa music playing] 424 00:17:15,025 --> 00:17:18,828 Senor. Passaportes. 425 00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:27,737 Uh...no tengo passaportes. No tengo at all passaportes. 426 00:17:27,771 --> 00:17:30,973 [Speaking spanish] 427 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:36,445 Can i offer you some money? Dinero? Dinero? 428 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:41,351 Robert deniro, huh? Robert deniro. 429 00:17:41,385 --> 00:17:43,386 Hmm, you talking to me? 430 00:17:53,330 --> 00:17:54,396 Well, my name is chris. 431 00:17:54,431 --> 00:17:55,932 My name is glen, 432 00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,400 And it's a pleasure to be here 433 00:17:57,434 --> 00:17:59,869 To talk to you about your 401k program. 434 00:17:59,903 --> 00:18:01,337 Are you guys excited? We say 401, you say k. 435 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:02,538 401. 436 00:18:02,573 --> 00:18:03,540 All: k. 437 00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:04,473 Glen and chris: 401. 438 00:18:04,508 --> 00:18:06,776 All: k. 439 00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,611 Great job, great job. 440 00:18:08,646 --> 00:18:09,846 You guys were in our premiere fund, 441 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,081 It's called the international fund, 442 00:18:11,115 --> 00:18:12,649 We put all you guys in there, 443 00:18:12,683 --> 00:18:14,450 And things were going so great. 444 00:18:14,485 --> 00:18:15,985 You guys were making so much money. 445 00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:19,121 Here's the bad news. Hold on. I know it's exciting. 446 00:18:19,156 --> 00:18:23,125 As you may have read in the newspapers, 447 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,662 The economy collapsed all across the world, 448 00:18:26,697 --> 00:18:30,800 And the international fund lost a shitload of money. 449 00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:32,201 Yes. 450 00:18:32,235 --> 00:18:36,072 What is the total value of our 401k's today, right now? 451 00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:37,940 If we were taking it in cash. 452 00:18:37,975 --> 00:18:40,944 The international fund with everybody from this department invested 453 00:18:40,978 --> 00:18:44,314 Was worth over $12 billion with... 454 00:18:44,348 --> 00:18:48,551 With everyone around the world that's what it was at the very beginnning 455 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:53,323 Right now, it's worth just over $200,000. 456 00:18:53,357 --> 00:18:54,657 $200,000. 457 00:18:54,691 --> 00:18:55,858 It dipped. It dipped. 458 00:18:55,892 --> 00:18:57,393 I don't want to get hung up on how much you lost 459 00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:59,328 Because when i looked on your website, 460 00:18:59,362 --> 00:19:02,332 It clearly said that you invest with the best possible decision-Making 461 00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:06,536 And sometimes it benefits and sometimes you can't predict the future. 462 00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:09,338 That's a great question. That's a great question. 463 00:19:09,373 --> 00:19:10,540 That's a great question. 464 00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:11,707 That's a great point and a great question. 465 00:19:11,742 --> 00:19:15,812 Where did the money for our 401k's come from? 466 00:19:15,846 --> 00:19:18,314 These are taken out of your paychecks. 467 00:19:18,348 --> 00:19:20,282 It's deducted automatically 468 00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:21,451 And is put away for your retirement. 469 00:19:21,485 --> 00:19:22,551 We've been paying into this. 470 00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:23,819 You've been paying into it. 471 00:19:23,853 --> 00:19:25,387 You've been paying into this without even knowing it. 472 00:19:25,422 --> 00:19:27,357 That's the beauty of it. You didn't even feel it. 473 00:19:27,391 --> 00:19:28,892 It's planning for your future without even thinking about it. 474 00:19:28,926 --> 00:19:30,126 You didn't even have to think. 475 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,862 Thank you. Thank you, thank you for doing that for us. 476 00:19:32,897 --> 00:19:36,899 Thank you for letting us not have to make these hard decisions. 477 00:19:36,933 --> 00:19:38,268 And you know what? 478 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:42,738 Yeah, we all make mistake. We all have problems? 479 00:19:42,773 --> 00:19:44,206 But you know what? I'm not gonna blame you. 480 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,076 I'm not gonna blame you. 481 00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:49,912 All i'm gonna say is thank you, and i'm gonna say whatever. I'm cool. 482 00:19:49,946 --> 00:19:51,314 Thank you, officer bates. 483 00:19:51,348 --> 00:19:53,749 And we'll say it right off the bat--We're sorry. 484 00:19:53,783 --> 00:19:54,818 Accepted. 485 00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:02,158 There's nothing going on between me and rizzo. 486 00:20:02,193 --> 00:20:06,629 I don't even know why anyone would even have a recommendation 487 00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:08,530 To say something so absurd like that. 488 00:20:08,565 --> 00:20:11,067 Rizzo and i have nothing going on. 489 00:20:11,101 --> 00:20:15,471 Nothing happened in a trailer between the two of us. 490 00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:20,777 He did ever--He has never put his fingers inside of me 491 00:20:20,811 --> 00:20:22,345 That i can recall. 492 00:20:22,379 --> 00:20:24,347 We've never made out. 493 00:20:24,381 --> 00:20:27,149 I never confessed my love to him, 494 00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:33,122 And he has never, ever, ever come in me from behind. 495 00:20:33,156 --> 00:20:36,959 That's absurd. That's absurd. 496 00:20:36,994 --> 00:20:46,068 Uh. It seems specific, i know you're thinking. And it is. 497 00:20:46,103 --> 00:20:53,542 I have a very photographic brain, 498 00:20:53,577 --> 00:20:55,711 A lot like ansel adams 499 00:20:55,746 --> 00:21:00,916 But in color and with a lot more insertion and pubic hair. 500 00:21:00,951 --> 00:21:02,585 So you and rizzo did it? 501 00:21:02,619 --> 00:21:05,455 We fucked in the trailer, yeah. 502 00:21:05,489 --> 00:21:07,956 Oh, hi, sara. Ha ha! 503 00:21:11,262 --> 00:21:13,062 Bates: glen, 'cause i had to tell 'em. 504 00:21:13,096 --> 00:21:14,030 Pat 'em down. 505 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,732 Ok. Pat 'em down. 506 00:21:16,766 --> 00:21:17,400 I had to tell them. It's very convenient. 507 00:21:17,434 --> 00:21:18,701 Jail is very, very close. 508 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:20,169 Very, very, very close. 509 00:21:20,203 --> 00:21:22,705 Get 'em out of here. Take off all their clothes. 510 00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:24,941 Take off all their clothes. 511 00:21:24,975 --> 00:21:27,043 It's a little prank. We'll hose 'em off. We'll strip 'em naked, 512 00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:28,110 And we'll leave 'em in sparks. 513 00:21:28,145 --> 00:21:29,311 We'll leave 'em in sparks. We'll leave 'em in sparks. 514 00:21:29,345 --> 00:21:31,513 Ready? Strip 'em, hose 'em. 515 00:21:31,548 --> 00:21:33,115 ¶ ok, strip 'em and hose 'em and take 'em to sparks � 516 00:21:33,149 --> 00:21:35,384 ¶ strip 'em and hose 'em and take 'em to sparks � 517 00:21:35,418 --> 00:21:38,454 ¶ strip 'em and hose 'em and take 'em to sparks � 518 00:21:38,489 --> 00:21:40,990 ¶ well, strip 'em and hose 'em and take 'em to sparks �