1 00:00:00,073 --> 00:00:03,452 So, we give a lot of tickets for people doing stuff... 2 00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:05,078 like jerking off in public 3 00:00:05,162 --> 00:00:06,955 and things you shouldn't really do. 4 00:00:07,038 --> 00:00:09,500 So today we thought we'd do a new program that we call 5 00:00:09,583 --> 00:00:12,377 - "Operation Frown Upside Down." - "Frown Upside Down." 6 00:00:12,461 --> 00:00:14,546 - We were going to do that together but... - Yeah, that's fine. 7 00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:17,174 We are gonna give this man a ticket... 8 00:00:17,257 --> 00:00:19,468 but a ticket to, uh... 9 00:00:19,551 --> 00:00:22,095 - a movie! - A movie! 10 00:00:22,179 --> 00:00:24,348 It's called Book Club Bandit$. 11 00:00:24,431 --> 00:00:27,852 And get this, the "S" is a dollar sign. 12 00:00:27,934 --> 00:00:29,561 And, uh, it's staring, um, 13 00:00:29,645 --> 00:00:31,271 - uh, Jennifer Lopez... - Jennifer Lopez. 14 00:00:31,355 --> 00:00:34,733 ... and Awkwafina who I absolutely love. 15 00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,819 Watch us blow this guy's mind. 16 00:00:36,902 --> 00:00:38,195 Sheriff's Department. 17 00:00:38,278 --> 00:00:39,363 Back away from my car! 18 00:00:40,656 --> 00:00:43,324 Holy shit! 19 00:00:43,325 --> 00:00:47,245 Sir, I'm trying to give you free popcorn, you motherfucker! 20 00:00:59,132 --> 00:01:00,132 Oh. 21 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,762 Good morning, Prince Charming. 22 00:01:05,764 --> 00:01:07,516 You remember why we pulled you in here? 23 00:01:07,599 --> 00:01:09,852 You wanna remind me, blue eyes? 24 00:01:09,935 --> 00:01:12,350 You, uh, you flunked a field sobriety test 25 00:01:12,351 --> 00:01:14,064 and we impounded your Harley. 26 00:01:14,147 --> 00:01:15,816 Oh, shit. 27 00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:17,860 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 28 00:01:20,070 --> 00:01:21,488 Are you really a cop, 29 00:01:21,572 --> 00:01:23,323 or are you a movie star 30 00:01:23,407 --> 00:01:25,952 doing research to play a cop? 31 00:01:28,829 --> 00:01:32,207 Yeah, uh, listen, there's no need to flirt with me, all right? 32 00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:35,127 Even though, you... you do tick off about... 33 00:01:35,377 --> 00:01:39,465 three of the boxes of the... the type of guy I like. 34 00:01:39,548 --> 00:01:43,594 If I could do magic, I'd put you and me in a genie bottle, 35 00:01:44,595 --> 00:01:46,722 - cast us off to sea... - Oh! 36 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:50,559 ... and have us wash up in Los Cabos... 37 00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:52,895 mid-December... 38 00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:56,649 - ... blue whale migration season. - Exactly. 39 00:01:56,732 --> 00:02:00,945 Whisk off to Sammy Hagar's for some peel-and-eat shrimp and... 40 00:02:01,027 --> 00:02:03,572 and some clamato margatinis. 41 00:02:04,615 --> 00:02:08,160 You had me at "clamahto" margatinis. 42 00:02:08,243 --> 00:02:12,414 You say "clamahto," I say "clamayto." 43 00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:15,542 And you know what I would say if I were a blue whale? 44 00:02:15,626 --> 00:02:17,043 Mm. 45 00:02:18,462 --> 00:02:23,968 Mm. Mm. 46 00:02:28,138 --> 00:02:29,222 - Come on! - This time for real. 47 00:02:31,475 --> 00:02:33,019 There you go! 48 00:02:33,101 --> 00:02:35,270 Do it again! 49 00:02:35,354 --> 00:02:38,983 - Pretty good. Pretty good. - Pretty good. Pretty good. 50 00:02:39,065 --> 00:02:41,193 - You know who can't shoot like that? - Yeah. 51 00:02:41,276 --> 00:02:43,278 - Spark's Department. Fuck those guys. - Yeah, fuck those guys. 52 00:02:43,362 --> 00:02:45,447 - I think that's a lucky shirt. - Mm, lucky... 53 00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:46,657 You know where he got this? 54 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:48,868 He goes to the... the lads section, 55 00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:50,076 - the boys section... - Yeah. 56 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,746 - Yeah, lar... large boys. Yeah. - Large boys... 57 00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:55,290 He points to the three mannequins... 58 00:02:55,374 --> 00:02:57,292 - Sold, sold, sold, and he walks out. - Uh-huh. Uh- huh. 59 00:02:57,376 --> 00:02:58,669 - Like a millionaire. - Yeah. 60 00:02:58,752 --> 00:03:01,005 You look a regular Magnum P.I. over there. 61 00:03:01,087 --> 00:03:03,256 And then Donny Junior can use them after. 62 00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:06,134 No, but you wear a smedium. 63 00:03:06,218 --> 00:03:08,721 - He's a husky smedium, yeah. - Husky smedium. 64 00:03:08,804 --> 00:03:09,805 But, you know, most Americans... 65 00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,849 Hey, you guys, I forgot to tell you. I bought a new turtleneck. 66 00:03:17,437 --> 00:03:19,857 These are, uh, men's shoes. 67 00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:21,733 Yeah, we figured. 68 00:03:21,775 --> 00:03:23,652 You remember I... I warned you, right? 69 00:03:24,444 --> 00:03:25,612 It's OK, baby. 70 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:27,406 We all have white friends. 71 00:03:27,489 --> 00:03:29,199 Yeah. Wait, just a second. 72 00:03:29,533 --> 00:03:30,868 Hello. 73 00:03:30,951 --> 00:03:32,578 Whoa. Yes, sir. 74 00:03:33,161 --> 00:03:35,039 - Oh, it's about work. - Yes, sir. 75 00:03:35,121 --> 00:03:38,208 Uh, no. We are actually, uh, we are off duty today, sir. 76 00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:40,168 - It's ICE. - Oh, shit! 77 00:03:40,252 --> 00:03:43,046 - It's ICE. It's Immigration... Hey. Yes, sir. - The Immigration? 78 00:03:43,047 --> 00:03:46,132 Uh... Uh... Yeah. We would, uh, we would love to. 79 00:03:46,216 --> 00:03:49,040 You know, we are not allowed 80 00:03:49,041 --> 00:03:51,388 to do backup on Immigration raids. 81 00:03:51,471 --> 00:03:53,724 Them snowflakes on the City Council, 82 00:03:53,807 --> 00:03:56,309 them goddamn libtards... 83 00:03:56,393 --> 00:03:58,896 - Ordinance 42! - Ordinance 42. 84 00:03:58,979 --> 00:04:01,648 And then the goddamn snowflakes they voted for it, 85 00:04:01,732 --> 00:04:03,650 and we are a sanctuary county. 86 00:04:03,734 --> 00:04:06,695 Yes, sir. OK, wait just a second. I'll let you speak to my supervisor. 87 00:04:07,237 --> 00:04:08,237 - No, I don't wanna talk! - Losers! 88 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:09,656 I haven't even finished my hot dog. 89 00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:13,285 Hello, Hello, this is Lieutenant Dangle. 90 00:04:14,244 --> 00:04:16,203 - Yep. - What are you doing? 91 00:04:16,204 --> 00:04:17,414 It's, uh... It's... 92 00:04:17,497 --> 00:04:18,498 Here. 93 00:04:18,582 --> 00:04:20,793 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Give it. 94 00:04:20,876 --> 00:04:22,128 Shit, shit, shit! 95 00:04:22,502 --> 00:04:26,465 Hello, this is Carol Wiegel. Yes. 96 00:04:26,548 --> 00:04:29,593 Fuck, that's her real last name! That's her... that's her actual name! 97 00:04:29,676 --> 00:04:33,597 No. We're very busy actually because we just found a whole... 98 00:04:35,348 --> 00:04:36,934 bunch of dead bodies. 99 00:04:37,017 --> 00:04:38,310 Carol, we need you. 100 00:04:38,393 --> 00:04:40,270 Hold on, please. Someone's calling me by my name. 101 00:04:40,353 --> 00:04:43,315 - Carol. - Yes, this Carol. Can I help you? 102 00:04:43,398 --> 00:04:45,191 You need to play it out. Get the phone... 103 00:04:45,275 --> 00:04:47,027 It turns out it was nothing. Anyway... 104 00:04:47,111 --> 00:04:48,278 - Just get it from her! - Carol? 105 00:04:48,361 --> 00:04:51,281 - Ouch. I think I lost him. - Then we good. 106 00:04:51,364 --> 00:04:52,574 Maria... 107 00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:54,701 _ 108 00:04:54,785 --> 00:04:55,702 _ 109 00:04:55,703 --> 00:04:57,997 - At the Comida Mart. - _ 110 00:05:01,207 --> 00:05:02,918 Why don't you have a wedding ring? 111 00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:04,544 I had one. 112 00:05:05,045 --> 00:05:06,338 You know, but I messed up. 113 00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:08,924 I think I got hitched a little too early. 114 00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:10,801 Then we had us a little girl and... 115 00:05:11,301 --> 00:05:13,720 - Well, kids ruin everything. - Mm-hmm. 116 00:05:14,262 --> 00:05:15,681 I didn't know my dad. 117 00:05:16,348 --> 00:05:18,475 Anyway, all I know about him is he... 118 00:05:19,726 --> 00:05:22,062 he's really hot, and he had... 119 00:05:23,396 --> 00:05:24,815 the strangest tattoo. 120 00:05:24,898 --> 00:05:27,068 It said "Fuck Newt Gingrich." 121 00:05:28,152 --> 00:05:29,277 - Right here. - Fuck... 122 00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,906 "Fuck Newt Gingrich." 123 00:05:31,989 --> 00:05:33,199 Did you say "Fuck Newt Gingrich?" 124 00:05:33,281 --> 00:05:35,492 - Yes. - You mean like this "Fuck Newt Gingrich" tattoo? 125 00:05:35,576 --> 00:05:37,119 Oh. 126 00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:44,375 Gross. 127 00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:47,755 I guess some of that got awful weird, huh? 128 00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:49,215 It's fine. 129 00:05:49,297 --> 00:05:50,883 Well, I didn't know you was my little girl. 130 00:05:50,966 --> 00:05:53,219 - Yeah, we didn't know! We didn't know. - We didn't know. 131 00:05:53,594 --> 00:05:56,388 Anything I said to you as a whale, I take back. 132 00:05:56,471 --> 00:05:57,471 Uh... 133 00:05:59,474 --> 00:06:00,642 I'm sorry, baby. 134 00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:03,604 I'm sorry I was a deadbeat. 135 00:06:03,687 --> 00:06:06,941 You know that Harley I got parked outside? 136 00:06:07,566 --> 00:06:08,567 I want you to have it. 137 00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:12,528 - No, I can't let you do that. Are you sure? - OK. I'm su... 138 00:06:12,529 --> 00:06:15,323 Baby, you gotta let me do this for you. 139 00:06:18,035 --> 00:06:20,662 "Fuck Newt Gingrich." That's what it says. 140 00:06:21,830 --> 00:06:24,125 Yeah, fuck him for all time. 141 00:06:26,585 --> 00:06:28,336 How do you like my new bike? 142 00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:30,005 That wasn't my dad. 143 00:06:30,589 --> 00:06:33,259 I'm not that gross, come on! 144 00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:35,677 I saw that tattoo when he was booked, 145 00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:37,888 and I thought, "Well, I'm gonna have a little fun with him." 146 00:06:37,972 --> 00:06:39,190 And just for the record, 147 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:42,810 my dad owns an erotic puppet theater in Tallahassee, 148 00:06:42,893 --> 00:06:46,354 and has to stay at least a 1,000 yards away from me at all times. 149 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,533 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -