1 00:00:00,382 --> 00:00:02,175 - Officer! - Sheriff's Department. 2 00:00:02,259 --> 00:00:04,177 - Thank God you are here. - OK, what's going on? 3 00:00:04,261 --> 00:00:06,346 - There's some kids in the pool. - Oh, OK. 4 00:00:06,430 --> 00:00:07,932 Wait, hold on. Let me guess. 5 00:00:08,014 --> 00:00:10,559 - The kids in the pool are black. - Yes, yes, they are black. 6 00:00:10,642 --> 00:00:13,353 Shut up! Shut the fuck up! 7 00:00:13,478 --> 00:00:16,815 Kids that are black in your pool are not bothering you, lady. 8 00:00:16,899 --> 00:00:19,484 You don't call the Sheriff's Department for this. 9 00:00:19,568 --> 00:00:23,113 I'm tired of you Backyard Betty's, Lookie Lois'... 10 00:00:23,405 --> 00:00:25,574 calling us for this dumb shit! 11 00:00:25,657 --> 00:00:27,576 What are they doing? What are they doing? 12 00:00:27,993 --> 00:00:29,202 They are drowning. 13 00:00:29,828 --> 00:00:31,622 - Yeah. - They're drow... No! 14 00:00:31,705 --> 00:00:33,749 - To the right, to the right! - No! 15 00:00:33,832 --> 00:00:35,125 Black babies! 16 00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,043 No, no, no, black babies! 17 00:00:39,797 --> 00:00:40,965 Good morning, gang. 18 00:00:41,047 --> 00:00:42,466 - Morning. - Morning. 19 00:00:42,549 --> 00:00:44,927 Uh... this meeting, like all of our meetings now, 20 00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:46,553 brought to you by Soup Gorilla, 21 00:00:46,762 --> 00:00:48,680 when you absolutely, positively want soup, 22 00:00:49,723 --> 00:00:52,350 in a couple of days, ingredients right to your door, 23 00:00:52,851 --> 00:00:54,728 uh, made with vegetables that... 24 00:00:54,812 --> 00:00:57,815 Why do they make you say the whole speech? 25 00:00:57,898 --> 00:01:00,358 You're welcome... You want these? You wanna try it? 26 00:01:00,818 --> 00:01:04,696 'Cause once you get these, shit rolls uphill. 27 00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:07,198 So, as everybody knows, the break-ins... 28 00:01:08,199 --> 00:01:11,077 have been out of hand here in the building. 29 00:01:11,161 --> 00:01:15,499 - Yeah. - The brass has insisted that we hire 30 00:01:15,582 --> 00:01:18,711 a... private security guard for the door. 31 00:01:18,794 --> 00:01:20,337 - Oh, come on! - That's... 32 00:01:20,671 --> 00:01:23,007 - This is not my call. Not my call. - That's sad. 33 00:01:23,089 --> 00:01:24,561 Do you wanna get him in? This is the guy 34 00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:26,385 who's gonna be guarding us from now on. 35 00:01:26,468 --> 00:01:28,554 You know it's the skateboard guys, right? 36 00:01:29,137 --> 00:01:31,390 Well, the skateboard kids have been a real problem, 37 00:01:31,473 --> 00:01:33,726 but then somebody... There's stuff missing every... 38 00:01:34,309 --> 00:01:37,312 - Hey. - Hey. Uh, so, this is... 39 00:01:37,396 --> 00:01:39,065 It's Jeffey, yeah? 40 00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:41,358 Jeffey, yeah. Jeffey Rene Chism. 41 00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:43,736 Hi, Jeffey. My name is Trudy. 42 00:01:43,819 --> 00:01:46,530 I once had a hamster 43 00:01:46,655 --> 00:01:49,282 that lived off of his own feces. 44 00:01:49,366 --> 00:01:53,119 And then, actually, I was forgetting this, but now I'm remembering, 45 00:01:53,203 --> 00:01:55,706 he ended up eating himself. 46 00:01:55,789 --> 00:01:59,334 Jeffey, Wiegel starts bragging when new people come around. 47 00:01:59,418 --> 00:02:01,962 - I do not! - When new people come around, 48 00:02:02,046 --> 00:02:03,338 - she starts bragging... - No, I don't. 49 00:02:03,422 --> 00:02:05,173 ... and she'll tell you stories like, "I had a hamster." 50 00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:07,175 Tell the truth. Tell the truth to Jeffey. 51 00:02:07,676 --> 00:02:10,679 Being able to keep a pet alive is impressive. A lot of people can't. 52 00:02:10,763 --> 00:02:12,848 She didn't, Jeffey, because she didn't. 53 00:02:13,181 --> 00:02:15,642 - So, what's going on with the... - Hey, Jeffey... I did. 54 00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:21,107 We got an alarm triggered at the bank. 55 00:02:21,398 --> 00:02:22,900 - Hey, guys? - Yeah? 56 00:02:22,983 --> 00:02:26,028 Did somebody say how many hostages are in there? 57 00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:27,529 I think they said three. 58 00:02:28,363 --> 00:02:29,949 What? You hurt your knee? 59 00:02:30,032 --> 00:02:31,992 You should file for Workers' Comp. 60 00:02:32,076 --> 00:02:34,036 As you go into the Xerox room, 61 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,456 to the left, there's a Worker's Comp form, if your knee really hurts. 62 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:41,627 Holy... What the... 63 00:02:42,461 --> 00:02:44,004 - Hell yes! - What the fuck? 64 00:02:49,301 --> 00:02:50,385 What was that? 65 00:02:54,180 --> 00:02:56,391 - Hi. - Hey, how are you? 66 00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:58,727 How are you doing? Hatzolah is here. 67 00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,312 - Hey! How are you? - You need to get down! 68 00:03:00,395 --> 00:03:02,188 There's a hostage situation There's a hostage in there. 69 00:03:02,272 --> 00:03:03,857 - There's hostages! - I know. It's OK. 70 00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:06,777 - OK. Oh, my God! That was scary. - What the hell! 71 00:03:06,902 --> 00:03:08,570 - What... Hi. - Hey. 72 00:03:08,654 --> 00:03:11,698 - How are you doing? Shalom, baby. - Are you the Amish? 73 00:03:12,116 --> 00:03:16,578 Uh, we are Jewish volunteer service. Hatzolah. 74 00:03:16,662 --> 00:03:18,246 - Oh, hi! - Shalom, baby. 75 00:03:18,580 --> 00:03:21,083 No, I cannot shake hands with you. It is haram. 76 00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:23,460 - Shit! - It's OK. These are my guys. 77 00:03:23,543 --> 00:03:25,378 - Jesus! - Guys, it's OK, these... 78 00:03:26,130 --> 00:03:28,340 - Guys, these are my guys. It's OK. - You are... 79 00:03:28,423 --> 00:03:29,424 You guys are Hatzolah. 80 00:03:31,217 --> 00:03:33,386 - God! - This is what we do, guys. 81 00:03:33,470 --> 00:03:36,015 - Oh, OK. - We are Jewish volunteers. 82 00:03:36,098 --> 00:03:38,391 We have ambulance, firemen... 83 00:03:38,475 --> 00:03:40,644 So, we are like Jewish Batman. 84 00:03:40,727 --> 00:03:42,437 Oh! 85 00:03:42,521 --> 00:03:45,858 But for us, Batman is, like, pussy. 86 00:03:45,941 --> 00:03:48,902 - You guys just do this? - This is what we do. 87 00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:51,488 We save... How do you say... We save the world. 88 00:03:51,571 --> 00:03:52,823 Oh, wow, wow. 89 00:03:52,906 --> 00:03:54,867 When there are... where there are Jews. 90 00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:56,785 Where there are no Jews, we don't give a shit. 91 00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,829 - Sure. Sure. - What you guys do... 92 00:03:59,579 --> 00:04:01,040 - very important. - Thank you. 93 00:04:01,123 --> 00:04:03,291 Maybe there's a cat in a tree, you help the cat. 94 00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:05,293 Oh, last year, two. Two times. 95 00:04:05,377 --> 00:04:07,379 - Are these guys with you? - These guys are mine, yeah. 96 00:04:07,462 --> 00:04:08,462 These guys are mine. 97 00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:10,216 It's OK, guys, it's OK. 98 00:04:10,298 --> 00:04:12,885 - It's just a hostage situation. - Hey! 99 00:04:12,968 --> 00:04:15,303 - We got it. Hold on. One second. - Oh, still talking to him. 100 00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:16,387 Hang on, I'm sorry. 101 00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,724 Yeah? OK. We got the bad guys. 102 00:04:18,807 --> 00:04:21,018 - They got them? Wow. - OK, so confirming. 103 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,410 - OK. - Guys, you guys need back up? 104 00:04:23,411 --> 00:04:24,437 Do you need... 105 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,314 OK, that's a good joke. 106 00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:28,650 - Hatzolah! - What are you gonna do with those guys? 107 00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,050 Oh, we're going to take these guys. 108 00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:31,904 We're going to ask them some questions. 109 00:04:31,987 --> 00:04:33,947 - OK. - Then we're going to kill them. 110 00:04:34,781 --> 00:04:36,158 Happy Hanukkah! 111 00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:38,284 I got another thing. There's a guy... 112 00:04:38,702 --> 00:04:40,037 he stole a nuclear warhead. 113 00:04:40,328 --> 00:04:42,956 - Oh, my gosh. - Across town, so I gotta go. 114 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,542 - I gotta go get that guy. - Oh, man! 115 00:04:45,959 --> 00:04:47,127 Break a leg! 116 00:04:47,211 --> 00:04:48,545 - Thank you! - Thank you! 117 00:04:48,628 --> 00:04:50,505 - Hatzolah! Hatzolah! - Thank you very much. 118 00:04:50,589 --> 00:04:52,424 - Thank you! Hatzolah! - Bye. Hatzolah! 119 00:04:52,507 --> 00:04:54,184 Besides the time I met Pat Sajak, 120 00:04:54,185 --> 00:04:55,945 - this is the most exciting day of my life. - Did you meet Pat Sajak? 121 00:04:55,946 --> 00:04:56,946 I did. 122 00:04:59,472 --> 00:05:01,267 - Yo! - Hi. 123 00:05:01,349 --> 00:05:02,350 What's up, Playa Peter? 124 00:05:03,435 --> 00:05:05,562 - What's up? - Oh, I'm sorry. 125 00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:06,813 Can I see some ID? 126 00:05:08,190 --> 00:05:10,025 - See some ID? - Yeah. 127 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:11,860 Come on, dude. Jeffey, it's me. 128 00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,946 - Jones. - Oh, I know. It's just protocol. 129 00:05:14,029 --> 00:05:15,114 Come on, man, I gotta deuce it. 130 00:05:15,197 --> 00:05:17,365 Well, if this were Henderson or Carson City, 131 00:05:17,449 --> 00:05:19,534 I'd say, yeah, fly on by, but it's Reno, you know. 132 00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:22,621 I'll give you a banana. Just let me in. 133 00:05:22,704 --> 00:05:23,805 I don't do a barter system, 134 00:05:23,806 --> 00:05:26,250 this isn't Tom Sawyer trying to paint the fence. 135 00:05:26,332 --> 00:05:28,961 Jeffey, I could shoot you here, OK? 136 00:05:29,044 --> 00:05:31,255 What security are you doing? What are you doing? 137 00:05:31,338 --> 00:05:32,756 Well, now it feels like a threat. 138 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,009 I don't... I can't even... 139 00:05:35,092 --> 00:05:37,761 Sorry. Sorry, dude. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 140 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,556 He didn't show it to you? 141 00:05:42,099 --> 00:05:44,185 - He didn't show you ID? - No, he did not and I wasn't... 142 00:05:44,268 --> 00:05:45,644 What do we say to Jeffey? 143 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:47,021 I'm sorry, Jeffey. 144 00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:49,773 It's fine. It was a miscommunication, if anything. 145 00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:51,649 Let's go. 146 00:05:52,193 --> 00:05:53,443 He can poop at the subway. 147 00:05:57,865 --> 00:06:01,368 Great news! October 21st is Nevada's first... 148 00:06:01,702 --> 00:06:04,496 International Pronouns Day. 149 00:06:04,788 --> 00:06:07,082 It's a great time to learn about the new... 150 00:06:07,749 --> 00:06:09,960 pronouns, such as "zie" 151 00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,087 "zim", "zir", 152 00:06:12,713 --> 00:06:13,714 and "zis", 153 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,091 which are not the same as "sie", 154 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,300 "zie", 155 00:06:17,592 --> 00:06:20,346 "hir" and "hirs", 156 00:06:20,428 --> 00:06:23,182 and, of course, "hirself", with an "I", 157 00:06:23,265 --> 00:06:26,977 which is different from "herself", with an "E". 158 00:06:27,061 --> 00:06:30,397 And these are more inclusive and they don't shove anybody 159 00:06:30,731 --> 00:06:33,067 into a box that doesn't fit... 160 00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:36,486 "zem" or their beautiful genitals... 161 00:06:37,654 --> 00:06:40,615 and "we", "I" or "thon" 162 00:06:40,699 --> 00:06:44,286 can agree that "singular they" just makes more sense 163 00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:47,289 when we can't tell if "zey" have bosoms 164 00:06:47,414 --> 00:06:49,875 or if "sie" is just... 165 00:06:50,292 --> 00:06:51,459 a soft boy. 166 00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:54,963 And of course, wait till you get to the hang of... 167 00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:58,759 "xe", which is the non-reflexive "xyrself" 168 00:06:58,842 --> 00:07:01,428 that goes with the possessive "xyr" 169 00:07:01,511 --> 00:07:04,181 and "shi", which is the alternate spelling of "sie" 170 00:07:04,265 --> 00:07:08,269 but spelled like the comic book, Yamabushi warrior monk Shi 171 00:07:08,352 --> 00:07:10,229 and both "e", "li" 172 00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:12,773 and "her", "schel" 173 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:15,234 are not new pronouns but the two given names 174 00:07:15,317 --> 00:07:17,903 of Tony winner Eli Herschel Wallach, Eli Wallach. 175 00:07:17,986 --> 00:07:20,739 That one was just for fun. 176 00:07:20,822 --> 00:07:24,285 So, let every single "zie", "ey", "zem", 177 00:07:24,368 --> 00:07:26,954 "tey", "e", "tem" and "ir" and "terself" 178 00:07:27,037 --> 00:07:29,790 get set and ready, because on October 21st, 179 00:07:29,873 --> 00:07:31,333 when it's Pronouns Day, 180 00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:33,961 you don't wanna sound like an asshole. 181 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:38,165 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -