1 00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:03,829 Previously onTwo and a Half Men...I am gonna ask Lyndsey 2 00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:05,309 to marry me. 3 00:00:05,396 --> 00:00:06,528 Will you marry me? 4 00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:08,399 Yes, I will marry you! 5 00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:10,967 I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of being my best man. 6 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,447 What? What? 7 00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,014 Larry, where can I put this poop? 8 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,667 This is my sister Gretchen. She just moved here. 9 00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,408 Gretchen, this is Jeff Strongman. 10 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:18,975 I think the computer just read his thoughts. 11 00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,585 [squealing][laughs] 12 00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,326 Yes! 13 00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,894 The guy I had dinner with last night offered me 14 00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:26,417 a job in San Francisco. 15 00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:27,375 Where does that leave us? 16 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:28,898 I have to take this. 17 00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:30,334 I'm sorry, buddy. 18 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,553 I'm here for you. 19 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:32,380 If you wanted to go with her... 20 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,295 Oh, thank God. 21 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:37,733 I thought about what you said 22 00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,082 I don't want to work for Google. 23 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:40,562 I want to stay and work with you. 24 00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:42,433 We're gonna do great things together. 25 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,479 All right. 26 00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:46,959 So where do I sleep? 27 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,833 ♪ Men.♪ 28 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,620 Uh... 29 00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:56,273 hello? 30 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,101 Oh, hey. 31 00:00:58,188 --> 00:00:59,015 Jake? 32 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,192 Barry. 33 00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,977 Did you break into this house and kill Walden? 34 00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,417 'Cause if you did, just know... 35 00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:12,463 I'm one hell of a roommate. 36 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,335 No, I'm a friend of Walden's. 37 00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,902 I'm gonna be crashing here for a few days. 38 00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,861 Actually, Walden would probably say I'm his best friend. 39 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:21,472 Oh, really? 40 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,387 'Cause I have a picture of us at Splash Mountain 41 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,607 that refutes that statement. 42 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,176 What's that you're cooking? 43 00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:31,395 Cinnamon French toast; Walden's favorite. 44 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:32,788 Walden's allergic to cinnamon. 45 00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,485 No, Walden is allergic to nutmeg. 46 00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,007 Touché. 47 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:39,882 What's his birthday, favorite color and worst fear? 48 00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,276 July 12, forest green, dying in your arms. 49 00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:46,367 Coffee? Cream, two Splendas? 50 00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:47,411 Wait, y-you know what I like, too? 51 00:01:47,498 --> 00:01:49,239 I know a lot of things. 52 00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,849 I know that you're sleeping with Lyndsey, 53 00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:52,373 who is engaged to Larry, 54 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,331 who thinks you're Jeff Strongman, 55 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:56,420 and you just went on a date with Gretchen, Larry's sister. 56 00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:58,857 And your worst fear is not dying in this house. 57 00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:01,295 [gasps] Witch. 58 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,166 Get out of my head. 59 00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:05,473 Something smells good. 60 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,953 That is the cinnamon French tatas. 61 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,826 Hey, you-you must be Jake. 62 00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:12,958 Give your cousin Jenny a hug. 63 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:16,484 That's not Jake.Shut up, Dad. 64 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,573 Morning! 65 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:19,530 Hey, Berta. 66 00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:21,880 Welcome home, Jake. 67 00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,055 That's not Jake. 68 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,493 That's Walden's friend Barry. 69 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,190 Uh, Berta, 70 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:28,713 making a special batch of French toast for you 71 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,106 topped with a dollop of marijuana butter. 72 00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:31,194 I like "Not Jake." 73 00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,937 All right, who wants the first batch? 74 00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:37,635 [others clamoring] 75 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,291 Aw, hell, no. 76 00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,600 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 77 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:48,907 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 78 00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,391 ♪ Men.♪ 79 00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,175 Hey. 80 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:58,439 Extra! Extra! 81 00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:00,441 Alan boards the Titanic! 82 00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:01,964 Read all about it! 83 00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,923 You're just jealous. 84 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,925 Jealous of what? Your up-and-coming role 85 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:09,014 in the Newsiesremake? 86 00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:10,973 I will have you know that the salesgirl at Goodwill said 87 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,105 that I look dashing. 88 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,065 Why are you wearing this outfit? 89 00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:17,501 I'm going out with Gretchen again tonight. 90 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:20,461 As her date or her caddie? 91 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,681 Oh, that reminds me-- I gotta get a cover for my wood. 92 00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:28,730 Why are you going out with her again? 93 00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:30,297 What do you mean? I like her, she likes me-- 94 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:32,168 honestly, I can see myself spending the rest 95 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,083 of Jeff Strongman's life with her. 96 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:37,042 Okay, unlike Jeff Strongman, 97 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:39,044 she is a real person. 98 00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:41,221 With real feelings. 99 00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:44,963 And real... [grunts] 100 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,575 I know, I know. I... I don't want to hurt her. 101 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,751 If that's the case, then you need to walk away. 102 00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:50,882 I-I will, I will. You're right. 103 00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:52,144 Right after I have sex with her. 104 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,321 No! 105 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:57,237 Well, I'm not gonna walk away whileI'm having sex with her. 106 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,716 That would be rude. 107 00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:01,197 Hey, Jeff Strongman looks good in that hat. 108 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,765 Top of the day to you, too, sir. 109 00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:06,246 Wait, you can tell when he's not Alan? 110 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:09,031 Oh, yeah. I mean, Jeff exudes a quiet confidence, 111 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:09,684 whereas Alan just... 112 00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,990 exudes. 113 00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:15,472 Is there a shower I can use? Uh, oh, yeah. 114 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:18,127 Uh, Alan's room's down the hall on the left.Whoa, whoa, whoa, 115 00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:19,563 whoa, whoa. What about Jenny's? 116 00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,522 She's in there with Brooke. 117 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:25,134 Yeah, I don't think I can go in there again "by accident." 118 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:28,355 But-but, uh, wh-what about your bathroom? 119 00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:31,358 They're all my bathrooms! 120 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,534 Alan's shower. 121 00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:34,535 Great. 122 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:35,971 Uh... 123 00:04:36,058 --> 00:04:37,451 so, is this a "pee in the shower" 124 00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:39,453 or "not pee in the shower" household? 125 00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,368 "Not pee in the shower." 126 00:04:41,455 --> 00:04:45,197 So it's a "pee in the shower and lie about it" household. 127 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:49,550 And don't touch my shower porn! 128 00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,378 That stuff took a long time to laminate. 129 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:55,382 Everything... you... say... is... weird. 130 00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:58,341 Look, look, I know you're upset about Barry moving in with us, 131 00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,386 but hitting me with a 25-cent hat 132 00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,910 is not gonna solve anything. 133 00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:03,477 He's not moving in. 134 00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,261 He's just staying here for a couple days 135 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,350 while we brainstorm some new tech ideas. 136 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,787 Oh, Walden, you're such a pushover. 137 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:12,094 Somebody else said they were only gonna stay in the house 138 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,313 for a few days. Remember that? 139 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,924 Oh, believe me, I remember. 140 00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,579 And now, here we are, four months later, 141 00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:21,103 and Jenny's still living with us. 142 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:24,672 Why... can't... you... hear... yourself? 143 00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:27,239 ♪ Men.♪ 144 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,634 ♪ Summer lovin', had me a blast ♪ 145 00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,506 ♪ Summer lovin' ♪ 146 00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,943 ♪ Happened so fa-ast ♪ 147 00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:38,338 ♪ I met a girl crazy for me ♪ 148 00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:43,473 ♪ Met a boy cute as can be ♪ 149 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,996 Maybe we should start again. 150 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,781 Why, was I pitchy? 151 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,260 You are so adorable. 152 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,740 Oh, and you have broccoli in your teeth. 153 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,307 Oh... [chuckles] You want to get it for me? 154 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:54,397 Ooh, a kiss and a free meal. 155 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:56,486 Mmm...! 156 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,096 Yum. [chuckles] 157 00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,447 I've never had broccoli and tongue before. 158 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,710 I gotta say, I love that hat on you. 159 00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:05,669 Oh!You know, it's funny, I gave one just like that to Goodwill. 160 00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:07,279 Yeah, yeah, this is the same one. 161 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,456 [both laugh]Well, uh, 162 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,239 thanks again for dinner tonight. 163 00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:11,240 Oh, yeah. 164 00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:13,460 Next one's on you, though. 165 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,244 Absolutely. Um, speaking of which, 166 00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,420 I'm not sure we should keep seeing each other. 167 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:20,336 What? We don't have to go somewhere expensive. 168 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:23,078 Oh, God, you're making this so hard. 169 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:25,254 That's what he said! 170 00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,865 Oh, peas, pod. 171 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,085 No, it's... [sighs] it's just, you know, 172 00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,087 I'm Larry's best man and you're his sister. 173 00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:35,264 I mean, what if things go wrong and we screw up the wedding? 174 00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,266 Look, I like you 175 00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:39,311 and I think you like me, 176 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,270 and if it'll make you more comfortable, 177 00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:43,141 we can keep it a secret for now. 178 00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:45,535 I mean, if you're good at keeping secrets. 179 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:47,145 I don't know. 180 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:50,192 "Strongman" in German means "honest man." 181 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,498 Is that true? 182 00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:52,934 Jawohl. 183 00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:54,370 But I suppose we could keep it... 184 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:57,547 [German accent]: under ze radar. 185 00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:58,330 Great. Hmm... 186 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,550 So you know, uh... 187 00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,596 Larry and Lyndsey are in Palm Springs for the weekend. 188 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,032 They are? Yeah. 189 00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:07,078 You want to... come inside? 190 00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,253 BOTH: That's what she said! 191 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,778 [laughing] 192 00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,128 ♪ Men.♪ 193 00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,390 [sirens wailing on TV]This is awesome. 194 00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,436 [laughing] 195 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:17,437 These are the best graphics I've ever seen. 196 00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,569 [laughs] Uh-oh! 197 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,005 The cops shot my tires out. 198 00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,007 Now I'm runnin'. 199 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:25,532 Oh... Wait, this isn't a video game. 200 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:28,970 [laughing]: We're watching a car chase on the news. 201 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,102 [laughing]Oh. 202 00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:33,235 So I probably didn't score that three-pointer 203 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,237 to win the Laker game, either. 204 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,631 Are you sure you're not Jake? 205 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:39,633 I'm not sure. 206 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:43,158 Hey, are you guys really lesbians? 207 00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:45,116 Or are you like those "lesbians" from Craigslist 208 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,422 that came over and tied me up and stole my laptop? 209 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,773 [laughing] 210 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,385 If we weren't, would we do this? 211 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,344 Okay, brain, you are high, 212 00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,607 but I need you to remember this. 213 00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:58,565 Forget calculus if you have to. 214 00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,305 WALDEN: Hey. 215 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,917 Nobody heard the pizza guy at the door? 216 00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:03,526 I told you we wouldn't have to get up. 217 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:08,575 Told you we wouldn't have to pay for it. 218 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,315 Is this all you guys have been doing the whole day? 219 00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:11,752 No, we spent an hour 220 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,406 trying to find where you hid your bong. 221 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:18,280 Which knocked me into overtime, FYI. 222 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,675 Walden, I am loving it here. 223 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:25,287 I mean, pizza, lesbians, weed scavenger hunts... 224 00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,158 Nobody paying rent... 225 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,726 It just keeps getting better. 226 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,598 Hey, Barry, can I talk to you for a second? 227 00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:35,384 WOMEN: Ooh, you're in trouble! 228 00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,473 [laughing] 229 00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:41,433 Is this why you're here? 230 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,175 Just to hang out and get high and eat pizza? 231 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,745 I feel like this is a trick question. 232 00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:50,138 'Cause I thought you were here 233 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:50,965 to work on a new project with me. 234 00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,575 No, no, no, I am! 235 00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:55,012 I am. Okay, okay, check out this idea: 236 00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:57,362 So I was watching Brooke and Jenny make out earlier, 237 00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,669 and I thought to myself, 238 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:02,193 what if we filmed lesbians 239 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,413 doing stuff to each other... 240 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,458 and then we put that on the Internet? 241 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,116 How has no one thought of that? 242 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,596 I know! 243 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:14,684 You know what? 244 00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:15,685 It's too late for them. 245 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:18,209 They're a lost cause. 246 00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:19,820 We can hear you. 247 00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:23,606 I will give any of you... $100. 248 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:24,999 All you have to do 249 00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:26,304 is come up here and take it from me. 250 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:28,393 Later. Nah, I'm fine.Nah. 251 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,482 Do you see that? 252 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,745 Don't be them! 253 00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,747 I only let you stay here 254 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,879 for a few days to help you transition. 255 00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:37,402 Okay, okay. I got another idea. 256 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:40,188 Uh... bacon-flavored eggs. 257 00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:42,669 All me and you got to figure out 258 00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:45,672 is how to make the chicken and the pig have sex. 259 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,459 Well, maybe you could show 'em the lesbian porn. 260 00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,426 Wait, wait, wait. 261 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:02,689 I have an idea. 262 00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,952 What if you got the chickens drunk? 263 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,475 Would that work? 264 00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,520 I've gotten laid a lot by getting chicks drunk. 265 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,348 [laughing] 266 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:11,915 Hey, Berta, what about you? 267 00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:13,090 You ever been with a woman? 268 00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,352 Have you? 269 00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:20,707 There you are. 270 00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:23,187 Get down off that couch, you naughty boy. 271 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:25,755 [whimpering] 272 00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:30,412 Ooh, a quarter. 273 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:33,023 Hey, this hat just paid for itself. 274 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,372 Give me that. 275 00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:36,766 Drop it. 276 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,942 [growling, muttering] 277 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:46,950 Ruh-roh. 278 00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:49,039 ♪ Men.♪ 279 00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:53,696 ♪ Men.♪ 280 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,567 So, how was Palm Springs? 281 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,092 What the hell's going on here? 282 00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,876 It-it isn't what it looks like. 283 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,878 It looks like you're having kinky sex with my sister. 284 00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,750 Then it is what it looks like. 285 00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:04,533 I can't believe this. 286 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,753 Me, neither. 287 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,756 This is the best day of my life! 288 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,237 What?! 289 00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:15,675 What guy doesn't want to see his best friend bang his sister? 290 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,502 What?! What?! What?! 291 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,548 My two favorite people in the world got together. 292 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:22,812 Those are your two favorite people? 293 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:23,595 Don't worry. You're number three. 294 00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:29,732 If you were banging my sister, you'd be number one. 295 00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:32,866 Well, I'm-I'm glad you're so excited about this. 296 00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:34,955 I was worried you were gonna punch me in the face. 297 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,696 Ah, if anything, I'd maybe 298 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:39,524 swat you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. 299 00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:42,397 Or cut off your balls. 300 00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,877 Well, I'm gonna go get dressed. 301 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:46,140 I have to take Jeff for a walk. 302 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,058 Hey, you know that special bottle of champagne 303 00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,537 we were saving for our wedding? 304 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,844 Let's pop it now! 305 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,891 Why not? I just popped your sister five minutes ago. 306 00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,980 Jeff, you are the king! 307 00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:05,855 Really? What are you doing with Larry's sister? 308 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:07,509 Just a little game. 309 00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,511 You know, I-I pretend I'm a dog, and she rescues me, 310 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:10,991 and then I give her my bone. 311 00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:15,517 All right, Alan, you know what? Stop. 312 00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,388 Stop being friends with my fiancé, 313 00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:20,609 stop dating my fiancé's sister, and stop poking me on Facebook. 314 00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:23,046 It doesn't mean what you think it does. 315 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:24,831 You know what? You can't tell me what to do. 316 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,093 I am my own man. 317 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:27,442 I will do what I want 318 00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:28,225 with whomever I want whenever I want. 319 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:29,705 Now, excuse me. 320 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,751 [groans] 321 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:35,842 You're standing on my leash. 322 00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:42,065 ♪ Men.♪ 323 00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:44,546 ♪ All the single Barrys, all the single Barrys ♪ 324 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,591 ♪ Make a turkey sandwich, make a turkey sandwich ♪ 325 00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:48,550 ♪ If you like it then you should have put some cheese on it ♪ 326 00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:50,595 ♪ If you like it then you should have put some cheese on it ♪ 327 00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:53,729 ♪ May-a-o, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh... ♪ 328 00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:57,341 Oh, hey. 329 00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:58,734 Bare, can I talk to you? 330 00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:01,128 Sure. What's up? 331 00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,694 Let me ask you something. 332 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,045 Suppose you had someone living with you, 333 00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,742 and you wanted them to leave. 334 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:10,093 How would you go about making that clear? 335 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,226 Well, I don't like confrontation, 336 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,793 so I'd probably do something passive-aggressive 337 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,316 like sit them down 338 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:16,926 and ask them how they would approach... 339 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,885 Oh, you're asking me to move out. 340 00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:20,800 No, no, no, no, I'm not asking you to move out. 341 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:25,587 I'm-I'm asking you to move in... 342 00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:28,068 to the... outside. 343 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,287 Okay. 344 00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,072 Boy, man, I'm so sorry. 345 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:34,509 I just have been having a lot of fun here, you know. 346 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,685 Everybody's so nice, and you've been so welcoming. 347 00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:39,427 Up until just now when you told me to get the hell out. 348 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:40,907 Don't get me wrong. 349 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,604 It's not that I don't love having you here. 350 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,911 It's just that I don't think that I can legally 351 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,783 have anyone else live here unless I adopt them. 352 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,220 I'm down for that. 353 00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:52,396 Okay, well, let's table that, 354 00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:55,704 but in-in the meantime, we'll look for an apartment for you. 355 00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:58,707 Uh, well, I mean, today is kind of already shot. 356 00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:01,318 Maybe pick it up tomorrow? 357 00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:03,233 Yeah. Okay, yeah. 358 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,932 I mean, it's-it's 10:30. 359 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:09,892 In the morning. 360 00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,851 Great. Uh, I'm gonna go get high 361 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,591 and eat my sandwich out on the deck. 362 00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,680 Okay. 363 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:19,815 He's never moving out. 364 00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:22,731 Hey. Oh, hey. 365 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:26,517 Wait. Are you just getting back from your date with Gretchen? 366 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,737 No. No, no. I had to go back to the restaurant. 367 00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,608 I left my hat at the valet stand. 368 00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:31,609 Liar! 369 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:36,266 You would never pay for parking. 370 00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:38,616 All right, admit it, you slept with Gretchen. 371 00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:40,880 You're right, I slept with her. 372 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:44,144 And I found a broken meter two blocks from the restaurant. 373 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,015 I thought you were calling it off with her. 374 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,930 Well, I started to, but you-you know how breakups go. 375 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,845 I mean, you try to be considerate 376 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,196 and let her down easy, and next thing you know, 377 00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,198 you're wearing a dog collar and a leash 378 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:58,375 while she lets you lick peanut butter 379 00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,725 out of a chew toy between her boobs. 380 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:05,774 ♪ Men.♪ 381 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:08,298 Whoa... 382 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,387 Look at this place. 383 00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:13,738 Hello, apartment, good-bye panties, huh? 384 00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:14,914 I don't think this place is for me. 385 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,134 It just doesn't scream "Barry." 386 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:20,876 It will when the panties come off. 387 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,834 No. Plus, the feng shui is just off. 388 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,314 All right. 389 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,142 This is the sixth place you didn't like. 390 00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:29,885 And the last one you said was in a bad school district. 391 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,061 What's going on here? 392 00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,933 Nothing. Nothing's going on. I just... 393 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:35,978 I've never really lived alone before. 394 00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:38,024 Never? 395 00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:40,330 Well, when my dad left, I lived with my mom, 396 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,028 and then boarding school, 397 00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:43,638 and then, in college, I always had roommates, 398 00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,509 and then after college, I lived with Nicole. 399 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,337 I mean, I'm like a baby duck, Walden. 400 00:15:47,424 --> 00:15:50,166 When Mama Duck leaves, I cling to the next mama duck. 401 00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,994 Okay, but my flock is too big, 402 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:57,391 so, you gotta get the flock out of my house. 403 00:15:57,478 --> 00:15:58,870 I don't know if I can make it on my own. 404 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,350 Okay, listen, I know what's going on. 405 00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,135 I know how you feel. 406 00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:03,614 I felt the same way when my wife walked out on me. 407 00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:04,702 What did you do? 408 00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,400 I bought a house 409 00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:09,925 and let a 45-year-old man and his son live there. 410 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,406 Wow. A real Scared Straightmoment here. 411 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,103 Let's grab up a pizza on the way back to the beach. 412 00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:15,496 Barry, listen to me. 413 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,019 I'm going to say something to you 414 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,020 that I have never said before in my life. 415 00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,891 You can't live with me. 416 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,242 Oh, my God. 417 00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:25,506 [laughing] 418 00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,595 I did it. 419 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,336 I'm sorry. You're-You're my first. 420 00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:30,685 No, no, no, I don't want to be your first. 421 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,252 Your first should be someone special, 422 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,645 like a whore that your stepdad buys you. 423 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,258 ...is an example I just made up. 424 00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:41,435 Listen, Barry, you're... you are gonna be okay. 425 00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:44,133 And you can come and visit anytime that you want. 426 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,134 Really? 427 00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:46,266 Yeah, just stop on by. 428 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,703 But you can't live with me! 429 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,531 Now or ever. 430 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,315 Okay, but I can't just stay here. 431 00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:53,751 Yes, you can! 432 00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,188 I'm gonna take care of the paperwork, 433 00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,972 and then I'll send your stuff over. 434 00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,495 You just make yourself at home. 435 00:16:58,582 --> 00:16:59,888 But you can't live with me! 436 00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:02,543 All right, message received. 437 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,153 Okay, I'm sorry-- I'm just... I'm really excited. 438 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,720 This is a big moment for me. 439 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,809 I'm gonna go find Alan. 440 00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:08,984 You can't live with me! 441 00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:11,639 You can't live with me! 442 00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:12,814 Oh, I'm sorry, sir. 443 00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,120 But you can't live with me! 444 00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:15,947 ♪ Men.♪ 445 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,820 I can't tell you how happy I am you guys are dating. 446 00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,604 [laughs] 447 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,650 No offense, Sis, but some of the guys you've brought home-- 448 00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,043 I mean, no job, no house, no car. 449 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,175 Real losers. 450 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,831 Wow, sounds like the deadbeats 451 00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:31,789 I used to date before I found Larry. 452 00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:35,228 Well, I've, uh, I've had some real winners in my past, too. 453 00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:36,881 Cheaters, drunks, 454 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,970 45-year-old women trying to pass as 38. 455 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:43,584 Lyndsey just turned 38! 456 00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:46,021 Well, luckily, those people are out of our lives now. 457 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,067 Yeah, but sometimes I swear 458 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:51,505 I can see their stupid faces right in front of me. 459 00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:54,725 That might be a wine-induced hallucination. 460 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,380 Speaking of wine, a toast to the four of us. 461 00:17:57,467 --> 00:18:00,253 May this be the first of many dinners, celebrations, 462 00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,472 holidays, vacations, anniversaries... 463 00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:03,995 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. 464 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,911 To us. Bottoms up.[Alan chuckles] 465 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,261 I know mine will be. 466 00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:10,132 Mmm! You are a bad girl. [chuckles] 467 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:13,092 [clears her throat] 468 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:16,007 I think we're making them uncomfortable. 469 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,400 Not as uncomfortable as last night, 470 00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:20,142 having sex with your butt on a hot stove. 471 00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,362 We were fooling around in the kitchen, 472 00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,364 and I picked him up in a moment of passion. 473 00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,017 [laughs] 474 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,846 I loved it. 475 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,545 LARRY: Wow! 476 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,548 Lyndsey doesn't use the stove for cooking or sex. 477 00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:39,857 Sweetie, sweetie, what are you doing? 478 00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:41,729 Don't forget the little butter packets.Oh! 479 00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,340 You're my little butter packet. 480 00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:45,341 Oh. 481 00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:46,603 [chuckles] 482 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:47,648 Doesn't look like they're thinking 483 00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:49,519 about any of their exes now. 484 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:51,391 No, it doesn't. 485 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:52,740 He's thinking about banging my sister. 486 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,176 I know what he's thinking! 487 00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,137 ♪ Men.♪ 488 00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:01,270 Okay. 489 00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:03,490 One roommate down, two to go. 490 00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:04,491 Alan... 491 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,188 Hey, there he is. 492 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,102 Barry? 493 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,713 What are you doing here? 494 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,934 Well, you said I could stop by anytime I wanted, so... 495 00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:13,978 Yeah, but I-I just left you. 496 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:17,243 17 minutes ago. 497 00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,157 I know. I missed you, too. 498 00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:21,595 Walden, are you done? We're in the middle of a game. 499 00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,466 Hey, can you go on a beer run? 500 00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,120 What the hell is going on here? 501 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,861 This is my house! 502 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,515 BERTA: Do you mind?! 503 00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:32,083 Some of us are trying to nap! 504 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,173 ♪ Men.♪ 505 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:37,088 Oh, oh, well, then put up a sign that says 506 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,527 only one roll of mints per customer. 507 00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:41,832 [door closes] 508 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:42,877 Oh. 509 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:43,965 Lyndsey. 510 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,402 Are you waiting? 511 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,839 Someone pooping in there? 512 00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:50,624 What the hell was that about? 513 00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,016 [imitating Gretchen]: "You're my little butter packet." 514 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,235 What upset you more? 515 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,237 That she stole that bread... 516 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:57,196 or my heart? 517 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,153 So you are doing this just to make me jealous. 518 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,329 No, that's not it at all. 519 00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:02,113 Too bad, 'cause it's working. 520 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:04,725 I'm sorry, I... 521 00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:05,856 No, I-I really like Gretchen. 522 00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:06,944 I-I can't do this. 523 00:20:07,031 --> 00:20:08,424 Jeff Strongman can't. 524 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,339 But Alan Harper can. 525 00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,167 Works for me. 526 00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,300 [both moaning] 527 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,476 Is that a roll of mints in your pocket 528 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:17,781 or are you just happy to see me? 529 00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:21,002 Actually, it is a roll of mints. 530 00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:23,700 And a comb. 531 00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:26,312 And a bottle of Paco Rabanne. 532 00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:27,922 ♪ Men.♪ 533 00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,275 ♪ Men.♪ 534 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,059 All right, the shot for the win. 535 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:38,411 Be the ball, see the cups. 536 00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:39,847 Hey, Barry, check out these cups. 537 00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:43,111 Aah! Ball to the face. 538 00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:45,940 First time for everything. 539 00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:48,769 I may need to see that again and again. 540 00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:50,597 Walden, we have security cameras, right? 541 00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:53,034 Where's Walden? 542 00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:56,472 [music soundtrack playing on TV] 543 00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,169 I could totally live here. 544 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,259 [laughs] Screech, will you never learn? 545 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,565 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 546 00:21:02,652 --> 00:21:04,698 and TOYOTA 547 00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:05,960 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org