1 00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:03,307 Previously on: 2 00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:05,266 So, what happened between you and your girl? 3 00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,529 She wanted to get married, and I'm just not sure I'm ready. 4 00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,400 That's the same reason I lost Lyndsey. 5 00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:11,446 You got to get her back. Don't make the same mistake I did. 6 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,883 I am gonna ask Lyndsey to marry me. 7 00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:16,059 Yeah, I just have to get a ring.I got a ring you could have. 8 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:17,974 You must be here to see your friend Larry, 9 00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:21,195 who is also here. 10 00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:24,633 Lyndsey MacElroy, will you marry me? 11 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:25,851 Yes, I will marry you! 12 00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:29,116 [Lyndsey laughing] 13 00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:33,903 What's going on down here? 14 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,253 I got up to pee and I heard moaning. 15 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,428 No, you heard crying. 16 00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:40,692 [woman moans sensually on TV] 17 00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:43,043 And moaning. 18 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,436 You're watching porn at 3:00 in the morning? 19 00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,177 No, it's that soft-core flick 20 00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:49,440 that Lyndsey made back in the '90s, 21 00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:51,790 Cinnamon's Buns. 22 00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:55,185 Nothing brings me back like hearing her fake an orgasm. 23 00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,970 Oh, listen, I know that breakups are hard, but... 24 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,712 Uh, please tell me those were for crying. 25 00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:03,541 Oh, yes, yes, uh, yes. 26 00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,543 Uh, uh, crying, yes, very upset, very upset, yes. 27 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:08,068 Wow, you know, you're a classy guy, Alan. 28 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:09,939 It's hard to understand why she accepted 29 00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:12,681 Larry's proposal and not yours. 30 00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:15,510 Technically, I never actually proposed. 31 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:18,382 What?Well, when I got there he was already doing it, 32 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:21,559 so I just figured I'd chalk this one up as another loss 33 00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:22,386 and move on. 34 00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:25,824 Universe: 82,223; 35 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,565 Alan: 12. 36 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,393 Come on, you're exaggerating. 37 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,656 You have not had 12 victories. 38 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,919 Yes, I have. 39 00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:37,445 Uh, my son, plus the number of years I've lived here rent-free. 40 00:01:37,532 --> 00:01:39,403 I can't believe you just stood there 41 00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,449 while another guy proposed to your girl 42 00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:42,885 and you didn't say anything. 43 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,887 There's nothing I can do about it. 44 00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:47,455 Larry's the one frosting her muffins now. 45 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:51,633 Have we learned nothing from Cinnamon's Buns? 46 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,983 She told Master Baker no 47 00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:55,071 five times! 48 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:57,117 Did he listen? No! 49 00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,644 No, the only reason Lyndsey settled for Larry 50 00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:04,994 is 'cause she didn't know she could settle for you! 51 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,692 You're right. I mean, you're a handsome billionaire, 52 00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,085 and yousettled for me. 53 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,870 She's just a-a-a divorced, 54 00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:13,481 middle-aged lush... 55 00:02:14,699 --> 00:02:16,614 ...of my dreams. 56 00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:19,095 That's the spirit! Now, get up and... 57 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,966 wash your hands and... 58 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:22,794 burn this couch, and go get your... 59 00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,448 surprisingly flexible girlfriend back. 60 00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:26,929 You're right, you're right. Thanks, Walden. 61 00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:28,844 LYNDSEY [on video]: Oh, Master Baker, 62 00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:31,760 would you like to watch while I train this lovely young maiden 63 00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:33,762 to churn your butter? 64 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:36,591 Maybe one more scene. 65 00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,855 This is a pivotal part of the film. 66 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:42,118 You might need this. 67 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:47,036 This scene's a real tear... jerker. 68 00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:50,039 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 69 00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,868 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 70 00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,658 Hey, Berta, how about a cup of coffee? 71 00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:02,182 No, thanks, I just had a cup. 72 00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:06,403 I don't know why you keep her on payroll. 73 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:09,667 Says the guy I pay to be my assistant. 74 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,234 Oh, oh, that's still a thing? 75 00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:14,019 Oh, oh, cup of joe coming right up, boss. 76 00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:16,152 Hey, what are you doing there? 77 00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:19,851 I'm making breakfast in bed for Brooke. 78 00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:21,026 Hey, what tastes good on boobs? 79 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,159 Pineapple rings are always fun. 80 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:26,118 Yeah. You get the room nice and cold, and you play ring toss. 81 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,513 Yeah, and with Brooke's bad boys, you could...Hey. 82 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,211 Omaha! Omaha! 83 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,606 What? Hmm? 84 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:37,913 Nothing. We weren't talking about your boobs. 85 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,916 Why not? You stare at 'em enough. 86 00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:42,091 [laughs]: What? 87 00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:44,224 [laughing]: I don't... I never... 88 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,400 I'm sorry. 89 00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:48,967 Where are you going? 90 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,230 I got to get to work. 91 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:51,709 You can't leave-- breakfast sex 92 00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,885 is the most important meal of the day. 93 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,844 Sorry. Mwa! I'll call you later, okay, babe? 94 00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,542 No worries. 95 00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,196 Call me whenever you can. Oh, God, she's dumping me. 96 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,155 What are you talking about? 97 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,940 Didn't you just hear that? 98 00:04:05,027 --> 00:04:06,811 She's "going to work." 99 00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:09,553 Okay, I know no one in this house is familiar with it, 100 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,122 but "going to work" is an actual thing. 101 00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:17,082 It's kind of like "paying rent." 102 00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:21,652 It's not just that, it's... 103 00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:23,785 it's been forever since we've had sex. 104 00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:25,090 Well, how long is forever? 105 00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:26,570 Two days! 106 00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:29,269 I hate you. 107 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,531 Come on, you and Brooke are great together. 108 00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:32,489 She's not breaking up with you. 109 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,230 Uh, then again, maybe she is slipping away, 110 00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:36,014 and you're just gonna have to face the possibility 111 00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:37,755 of being alone for the rest of your life. 112 00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:38,974 [sobbing gasp] 113 00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:40,758 Oh, my God! 114 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,412 [Jenny sobbing] 115 00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,545 What the hell's the matter with you? 116 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:45,720 Why would you say that to her? 117 00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,374 I'm just trying to prepare her 118 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,245 for-for the harsh realities of real life. 119 00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:52,204 I mean, who else is gonna do it, her father? He's dead, Walden! 120 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,338 Why are you even here? I thought you were 121 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:56,992 gonna go win Lyndsey back. 122 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:58,689 It's early. I want to win her back, 123 00:04:58,776 --> 00:04:59,299 but I don't want to spend the whole day with her. 124 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,043 [doorbell rings] 125 00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,047 Alan. 126 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,789 Lyndsey MacElroy, I love you. 127 00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:13,878 You are my world. 128 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:17,404 I want you to spend the rest of your life with me. 129 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:19,449 And Walden. 130 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:20,450 You're-you're kidding, right? 131 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,583 I'm engaged to Larry. 132 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,628 That's not fair. I mean, if I hadn't stopped 133 00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:27,283 at that gas station to poop, I would have been here first. 134 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,894 Alan, don't. 135 00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,243 Maybe this will change your mind. 136 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,158 Oh, Alan, it doesn't matter 137 00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:34,508 what kind of ring... 138 00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:37,902 Holy crap, that thing's huge! 139 00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:38,338 That's what shesaid. [chuckles] 140 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,124 I know, not the right time. What do you say? 141 00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:45,127 I say I'm marrying Larry. 142 00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:46,302 But why?He loves me. 143 00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,391 Not as much as I do. 144 00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:49,784 He has his own house. 145 00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:50,959 I... 146 00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:52,700 love you. 147 00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,658 I'm sorry, Alan. 148 00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:57,574 You-you really think Larry can make you happier than I can? 149 00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,055 I think I made the right decision. 150 00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,796 You made your bed. 151 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,232 Now let's have sex in it. 152 00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:05,234 Alan. 153 00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:08,106 Good-bye. 154 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,809 All right. 155 00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:18,073 Universe: 82,224. 156 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,560 Twenty-five. 157 00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,390 [sighs] 158 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,922 Alan. 159 00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,227 Hi, Judith. 160 00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,533 What are you doing here? 161 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,492 Oh, God, what did Jake do? 162 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,929 Please tell me the Army didn't let him drive a tank again. 163 00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,670 No, no, nothing's wrong with Jake. 164 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,846 Well, nothing newwrong. 165 00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,761 Then what's going on? Is everything okay? 166 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:56,328 Uh, it's just that I've been having a really rough day, 167 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,330 and I needed to see a friendly face. 168 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,507 And you picked me? 169 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,422 There's that friendly face. 170 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,685 I'm sorry. Why don't you come on in. 171 00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,034 I just opened a bottle of wine. 172 00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,688 Thanks.Wait. 173 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,906 You don't need money, do you? 174 00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,908 No, not at all.Okay, good. 175 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:13,171 Wait, are you offering? 176 00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:21,310 [chuckles]: Whoa, nice blanket. 177 00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,399 What's with the cat lady starter kit? 178 00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,314 It's my bad-news blanket. 179 00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:27,621 My mom gave it to me when I was a kid. 180 00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,100 I know what you're saying. 181 00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:31,189 I have a bad-news bong. 182 00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:33,975 And a good-news bong. 183 00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:36,760 And a watching-the-news bong. 184 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:40,242 I guess what I'm saying is, I like to get high. 185 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,331 This about Brooke?She blew me off again. 186 00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:44,942 She was supposed to come over after work, 187 00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:47,554 but she said she was tired. 188 00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:51,383 Not having sex with me must be exhausting. 189 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,428 Look... Jenny, 190 00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:55,257 in any relationship, 191 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,693 it's normal for there to be 192 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,652 a lull in the bedroom after a while. 193 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,001 Does the sex come back? 194 00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,438 [laughs] You're cute. 195 00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:06,311 But it does help if you do romantic stuff. 196 00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:07,661 Like what? 197 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,227 Surprise her. Be spontaneous. 198 00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,186 Let her know that you appreciate her. 199 00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,405 I guess I could send flowers to her work. 200 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,408 Ugh! That's so gay. 201 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,324 Well, these are the kinds of things we have to do 202 00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,588 as a relationship evolves. 203 00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:22,676 See, 204 00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:25,069 sex becomes companionship, 205 00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:29,030 and companionship becomes commitment. 206 00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:31,467 Commitment... becomes complacency, which... 207 00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:33,513 gives way to contempt. 208 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:40,215 Until you find yourself longing for the sweet release of death. 209 00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:41,825 Yikes. 210 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,827 I'm gonna go get my bad-news bong. 211 00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,873 [clears throat softly] 212 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,354 Oh, my God, oh, my God. Uh, you remember, uh, 213 00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:52,749 Jake's seventh grade science project? 214 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:55,056 Wait, which seventh grade?Second time. 215 00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:55,970 Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah. 216 00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:57,711 Um, he wanted to study 217 00:08:57,798 --> 00:09:00,540 how different foods would make his farts smell. 218 00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:03,281 Oh, yeah! He'd rip one in Tupperware, 219 00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,283 seal it and label it.Mm. 220 00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,721 To this day, I still remember 221 00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:10,245 Brussels sprouts. Yes.Oh, Brussels sprouts. Ugh...! 222 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,681 Most parents make their kids eat vegetables. 223 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,466 We made ours stop.Yeah.Right. 224 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,207 And then he got rickets. 225 00:09:16,294 --> 00:09:18,253 [both cackling] 226 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:21,735 Oh... oh, it's been a crazy ride, hasn't it? 227 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:22,474 Yeah.Mm. 228 00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:27,044 Hey... can I ask you something? 229 00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:28,480 Oh, here we go. How much? 230 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,874 No, no, not that. 231 00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,920 What's wrong with me? 232 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,836 Oh, Alan. I don't carry around a list of your faults. 233 00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,490 My therapist said it's no longer healthy. 234 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,971 I'm-I'm serious. I mean, it seems like 235 00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,974 every relationship I've ever been in I've screwed up. 236 00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:46,107 Oh. Look, a marriage doesn't fail 237 00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:48,022 because of one person screwing up. 238 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:49,589 I screwed up twomarriages.Oh, yeah, 239 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:53,244 yeah, you're right-- you're a two-time loser. 240 00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:56,465 Uh, but at least I have Walden; I mean, you've got nobody. 241 00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:59,033 Oh, we're being honest now? 242 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,948 Herb's penis is bigger than yours. 243 00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:05,039 [chuckles] I'd forgotten how good you are at this. 244 00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,867 Ha-ha... 245 00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:08,956 I have missed you. 246 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,784 I mean, you know, not the constant verbal abuse 247 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,612 that left me a crippled shell of a man. 248 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,701 But we could always make each other laugh. 249 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:16,485 Oh. You could never find my G-spot, 250 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,530 but you could always find my funny bone. 251 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,184 [laughing]: Aw... Oh... 252 00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,882 I'm just kidding. 253 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,927 I've missed you, too.Mm-hmm. 254 00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:29,672 Mmm... 255 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,761 Oh, yeah, this is, uh... 256 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,981 This is probably a bad idea. 257 00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:35,330 Definitely. Yeah, yeah. 258 00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:38,550 [sniffles] 259 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,901 [sighs] 260 00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,250 Oh. 261 00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:44,339 [both moaning] 262 00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:48,473 Let's look for that G-spot. 263 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,824 Or... how about you look for mine? 264 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,869 Mmm. Mmm. 265 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,839 Oh, God. 266 00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:08,798 What did we do? 267 00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,844 Mmm. 268 00:11:12,323 --> 00:11:14,804 Oh, God, what did Ido? 269 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,893 ♪ Men.♪ 270 00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,769 ♪ Men.♪ 271 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,516 [grunts quietly] 272 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,301 Come on. 273 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,960 [sighs] God. 274 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:42,049 [whispering]: What did we do last night? 275 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:51,188 More! 276 00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,277 Oh, God. 277 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,723 [sighs] 278 00:12:08,379 --> 00:12:10,338 Oh. Oh. 279 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,131 [mutters] 280 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,099 [panting] 281 00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,102 [ringtone plays] 282 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:38,670 Well, well, well, someone never made it home last night. 283 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,500 Am I speaking with an engaged man? 284 00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:45,460 I think you might be. 285 00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:47,331 [laughs] That's great. 286 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,463 Hey, what'd Lyndsey say when you showed her the ring? 287 00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,030 That thing is huge. 288 00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,379 That's what she said. 289 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,381 That's what I said! 290 00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:56,645 She also said she's staying with Larry. 291 00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:58,125 What? I thought you said you were engaged. 292 00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:00,518 I am. To Judith. 293 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:03,608 What, your ex-wife? 294 00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,741 Whoa. What the hell happened? 295 00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:12,879 Well, it's all kind of sketchy. 296 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,142 We had a lot to drink. 297 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,187 Well, I-I've had a lot to drink before, 298 00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,494 but I've never got engaged to my ex-wife. 299 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,061 Okay, maybe I'm being selfish, 300 00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,845 but I'd like to talk about me right now. 301 00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:25,195 Jyndsey? Hmm? 302 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,284 Ludith. 303 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,634 Will you Larry me? 304 00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:32,594 Let me ask you something. 305 00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,726 Um, do you think Judith would be more upset, 306 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,207 uh, to wake up and find she's engaged to me, 307 00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,819 or to wake up and find she's missing a finger? 308 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,691 Okay, look, I'm sure that she got tipsy 309 00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:43,997 and caught up in the moment, too, 310 00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,607 and if you're just honest with her, 311 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:47,957 she'll probably be relieved. 312 00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:49,698 What if she isn't? 313 00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,352 I mean, how do I get her to want out of marrying me? 314 00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:52,179 Be yourself? 315 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,702 Worked before. 316 00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:57,619 [sighs] 317 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:03,320 Hey, you. 318 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,279 Um, uh, listen, uh, we should... 319 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,020 we should really talk about last night. 320 00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:09,457 Absolutely, but I need to say something first. 321 00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:11,807 Things are going to be different this time. 322 00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:14,201 I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made before. 323 00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,767 And I'm going to start by showing you 324 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,769 how much I appreciate you every single day. 325 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,643 Oh, that's really sweet, but we really should talk about... 326 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:25,603 ♪ Who we should invite to the wedding! ♪ 327 00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:31,087 Hey. Hi. 328 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:32,828 Guess what. I'm taking your advice, 329 00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:36,092 and I'm surprising Brooke with a romantic evening. 330 00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:38,790 Good. You know, I know that's not easy for you. 331 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,575 Your dad was the same way. 332 00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:44,100 His idea of romance was a warm washcloth, 333 00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,668 cab fare and a bottle of penicillin. 334 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:51,760 Aw! So my dad wasn't just a drunken, diseased man-whore. 335 00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,718 He was a gentleman. 336 00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:59,463 Charlie would be so happy to see his little girl now. 337 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,465 Of course, he'd be even more happy 338 00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:03,728 to see the rack on his little girl's girlfriend. 339 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:05,600 Does she have nice boobs? 340 00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:08,342 I've never noticed. 341 00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:09,691 Hey. 342 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,388 Oh, hey. 343 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,869 How'd it go with Judith? She take it okay? 344 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,045 Uh, well, uh, you know, she... uh, she... 345 00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:17,742 It was a... a little hard for her to swallow. 346 00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:20,180 Um... 347 00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:22,443 Well, I'm just glad you talked to her. 348 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:23,966 Can I get my ring back? 349 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,315 Uh, funny story. 350 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,709 Um... she kind of kept it, 351 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,930 and we're kind of getting married. 352 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:33,236 Alan, I thought you were gonna talk to her. 353 00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:34,716 Uh, I did. 354 00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:35,804 Uh, we came to an... oral agreement. 355 00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:39,068 Oh! 356 00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:40,243 Alan! 357 00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:41,462 It's my weakness. 358 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,158 That and red velvet anything. 359 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,855 Wait. Wait. 360 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,640 This is the same woman 361 00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:47,468 that you said was so evil 362 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:50,819 that her image didn't show up in your wedding pictures. 363 00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,429 I only said that because, at the time, 364 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:55,128 I thought she was the worst person I'd ever met, 365 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,217 and she made my life a living hell. 366 00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,479 But, you know, people change. 367 00:15:58,566 --> 00:15:59,871 It's gonna be great. 368 00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:06,530 So, Zippy's moving out, and he's going to be miserable. 369 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:08,271 So you have been listening. 370 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,360 Oh. 371 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:13,320 Oh, say, 372 00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:14,538 dinner was great, Judith. 373 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:15,975 Thank you for inviting me over. 374 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,846 Of course. You're Alan's best friend. 375 00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:18,803 Actually, you're Alan's onlyfriend. 376 00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:21,502 [laughter] 377 00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:22,764 It's funny 'cause it's true. 378 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,722 [laughter] 379 00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:26,376 Oh, honey, uh, could you pass the potatoes, please? 380 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:29,292 Oh, I think you've already had plenty, doughboy. Mm. 381 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:30,772 [high-pitched]: Ah-ha. 382 00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:31,947 [laughs] 383 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,297 Well, I have to say, 384 00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:37,561 I was shocked when Alan told me you were getting married again. 385 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,085 Oh, you were shocked? 386 00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,956 There was a time when just the thought 387 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,045 of being touched by his tiny, clammy hands again 388 00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,004 made me throw up in my mouth a little. 389 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,309 [laughs] 390 00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:47,919 That's all ancient history. 391 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:51,140 Yeah, if ancient history was last Thursday. 392 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,055 [Judith and Alan laugh] 393 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:54,230 [both making kissing sound] 394 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:55,840 Oh, isn't she great? 395 00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:58,974 No! 396 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,541 She's treating you like crap. 397 00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,151 The only people that get to do that 398 00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,979 are people that do it out of love, 399 00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:06,025 like me and Berta and your mom. 400 00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,809 Okay, fine. Me and Berta. 401 00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,464 Okay. Me. 402 00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,769 It's harmless. 403 00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,293 It's just Judith being funny. 404 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:15,904 Did... did you just twitch? 405 00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:20,126 No, I was just talking about how funny Judith is. 406 00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:21,953 Okay, look me in the eye 407 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,086 and tell me how much you love Judith without twitching. 408 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,132 Fine. I love Judith. 409 00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:28,873 There, I said it. 410 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,962 Alan. 411 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,921 You cannot marry this woman. 412 00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:34,401 You deserve better. 413 00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:36,316 I mean, not much better, but better. 414 00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:37,882 You know who I deserve? 415 00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:39,841 I deserve Lyndsey, but I can't have her. 416 00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,277 She's marrying somebody else, so I'm taking what I can get. 417 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,105 That's what I do. I'm a love scavenger. 418 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,934 You're also a house scavenger and a money scavenger 419 00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,632 and an underwear scavenger. 420 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,591 But that doesn't mean you have to settle. 421 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,506 Yes, it does. I don't want to die alone. 422 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,247 Maybe you don't realize it, but there aren't a lot of people 423 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,075 who want to spend the rest of their lives with me. 424 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:58,381 Oh, no, I realize it! 425 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,387 Brooke, really, we can get a hotel for the night. 426 00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:06,085 No, no, no, Dad. It's fine. 427 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,869 I'll sleep on the couch, and you guys stay in my room. 428 00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,612 Surprise! 429 00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,788 Who's this? 430 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:16,660 Uh, Mom, Dad, this is, um... 431 00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:18,314 my girlfriend, Jenny. 432 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:21,100 It's a pleasure to meet you! 433 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,450 I like her. 434 00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:29,847 Oh, hey, I was thinking, now that Jake's gone... 435 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,676 Mm?...I can turn his room into my man-cave. You know, a 436 00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:35,070 pinball machine, flat-screen TV, potter's wheel. 437 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:37,681 No, that's not going to happen. 438 00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:38,682 Oh, you have plans for it? 439 00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,293 No, I'm just not 440 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,337 letting you get another potter's wheel. 441 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,340 [laughs] 442 00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:45,820 Judith, I have to say, 443 00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,561 I cannot take my eyes off of that ring. 444 00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:49,476 I know. When I first saw it, 445 00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:50,955 I thought it was as fake as the orgasms 446 00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:52,131 I used to have when we were married. 447 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:53,393 [laughs] 448 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,742 That's true. 449 00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:55,612 Very unsatisfactory lover. 450 00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,310 [Judith laughs] 451 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,441 JUDITH: But I mean, 452 00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:00,051 what woman could say no to this? 453 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,141 I can think of one. 454 00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:05,318 Can you think of one, Alan? 455 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,973 Uh, what's going on? 456 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,540 Oh, nothing. I'm just glad 457 00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,760 that you were there to pick up the pieces 458 00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,240 after Lyndsey turned down Alan's proposal. 459 00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:16,807 What?! You proposed to her before me? 460 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,113 Uh, well, technically, uh, what I... 461 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,680 Oh, you didn't know? 462 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:22,944 This is awkward. 463 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:28,036 Open mouth, remove pie, insert foot. 464 00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,081 So, I'm your second choice?! 465 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,171 No, d-doesn't matter who was second. 466 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,651 Uh, y-you were the first to say yes! 467 00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,088 I will be the first 468 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,917 to say yes to seconds of this pie. 469 00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:41,005 You are unbelievable! 470 00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:42,355 No, the important thing is 471 00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:43,834 that we found each other again. 472 00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,184 And you're willing to settle for me, 473 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,663 and I'm willing to settle for you. 474 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:47,838 Settle for this. 475 00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:49,927 Oh! God! 476 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:55,411 I'm a good friend. 477 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:56,325 ♪ Men.♪ 478 00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:03,027 Hey. How's it going? 479 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:05,160 Good. Thanks again for the potter's wheel. 480 00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,770 It's the least I could do. 481 00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:07,902 I cost you a wife. 482 00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,120 I'm just glad 483 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,383 you, uh, came to your senses. 484 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,036 Yeah, I was just scared. 485 00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,777 Didn't want to spend the rest of my life alone. 486 00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:17,216 Hey, as long as I'm around, you'll never be alone. 487 00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:18,086 Ah, thanks, buddy. 488 00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,088 Oh, shoot. Aah! 489 00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:22,221 Oh, here. Let me help you out with that. 490 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,266 Oh. 491 00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:45,592 [yells] 492 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:48,029 Thank God, it was just a dream. 493 00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:51,467 Are you okay, baby? Did you have a nightmare? 494 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,904 [yells] 495 00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:58,126 [sighs] I got to get him out of here. 496 00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:00,694 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 497 00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:02,304 and TOYOTA.