1 00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:05,657 Alan! 2 00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:06,919 I have to meet Larry for dinner. 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,225 Are you ready yet? 4 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:11,446 ALAN: The question is: are you? 5 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,759 [muffled]: Happy anniversary, baby. 6 00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,283 What? 7 00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,552 Six months ago today, 8 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,032 we cheated on Larry for the first time. 9 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:35,252 So, to commemorate the occasion, 10 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,907 you donned the traditional balloon underpants? 11 00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:39,343 Exactly. 12 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:42,781 I have a "heart-on" for you. 13 00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,436 Charming. 14 00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,221 Yeah, I was gonna get you a dozen roses, 15 00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:48,874 but I-I thought the balloons were cuter. 16 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,093 Cheaper. 17 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,704 Six of one, half off the other. 18 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,142 I'm not sure this is something we should be celebrating. 19 00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:57,840 Come on, you have loved every chapter 20 00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,885 in our book of forbidden trysts. 21 00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,018 That magical night in the handicapped stall at Chili's. 22 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,936 The time we put a scare into that field trip of sixth graders 23 00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:08,068 at the planetarium when they saw Uranus. 24 00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:17,381 That weekend that Larry went back east 25 00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,253 and we went "down south." 26 00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:22,169 Alan... I don't have time for this. 27 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,432 Well, then open your present. 28 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:27,870 Spoiler alert: it's my penis and two of his friends. 29 00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,655 And you can't return it if it's the wrong size. 30 00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:33,354 As fun as all this is, I only have about ten minutes 31 00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:36,008 before I have to go meet Larry, so we got to make this quick. 32 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,575 Ooh, my specialty. 33 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:40,056 First, I'm getting rid of these balloons. 34 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,887 Oh. Oh. 35 00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:47,498 I-I should've had you blow them up. 36 00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:50,022 [high-pitched]: I know what you like, baby. 37 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,851 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 38 00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:55,593 ♪ Ah. ♪♪ Men. ♪ 39 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:02,470 Hey, bitches. 40 00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:05,386 Hey. Hey. 41 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,865 What are you guys up to tonight? 42 00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,258 Oh, dinner and game night. 43 00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:10,173 My ex-wife and I used to do that. 44 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:13,307 Our favorite game was Life, until she ruined mine. 45 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,744 Yeah, we're more fans of Monopoly, Backgammon... 46 00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:17,659 Hungry Hungry Lesbos. 47 00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:20,227 It's like Hungry Hungry Hippos, but we don't eat balls. 48 00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:25,362 How do you know when you've won that game? 49 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:27,190 Trust me, you know. 50 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:28,148 Hey, something smells good. 51 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:30,715 Yeah, we play that, too. 52 00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:34,023 Hey, you guys want to join us for dinner? 53 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,285 Oh, no, I can't. I'm going to the movies. 54 00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,548 Oh, Alan, you want to join? 55 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,160 Is it a porn movie? 56 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:45,513 Why would I invite a guy to watch a porn in a theater? 57 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,254 So nobody weird sits next to you. 58 00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:52,476 Well, going with you wouldn't solve that problem. 59 00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,609 Fine. Go watch your porn by yourself. 60 00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,611 I'm not watching a porn! 61 00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,178 Uh-huh. And I don't use your bathroom to poop. 62 00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,007 Look, I can't go anyway, 'cause I'm having a drink 63 00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:03,357 with my girlfriend's boyfriend. 64 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,620 Why don't you poop in his toilet? 65 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,143 You're already banging his girlfriend. 66 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,191 You got a flat tire.I got a what? 67 00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:14,455 I noticed it when I was getting out of your car. 68 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,718 Why were you in my car? 69 00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,154 Taking a nap. 70 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,852 Why were you taking a nap in my car? 71 00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,159 I was getting high, and I just went to sleep. 72 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:26,162 Why were you getting high in my car?! 73 00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:30,558 Because you hide your pot in the car! 74 00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:33,865 Geez! Which one of us is high, you or me? 75 00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:40,872 [groans] Great. 76 00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:42,526 Either of you guys got Triple-A? 77 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:46,313 You don't need Triple-A when you got double D's. 78 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,271 Why don't you just change it yourself? 79 00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:50,186 Eh, sounds like a lot of work. 80 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,971 I'll just buy a new car. 81 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,713 Or you could use the spare tire and jack. 82 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:56,148 Oh, there's nothing in there. 83 00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:02,154 Whoa... there's a trunk under the trunk! 84 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,983 Somebody's never smuggled anything out of Mexico. 85 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,638 Here, uh, you grab the spare, I'll loosen the lug nuts. 86 00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,597 Wow, you really know what you're doing. 87 00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:11,251 Yeah. 88 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,253 Well, I had a boyfriend who was a mechanic. 89 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,603 WALDEN and JENNY: A boyfriend? 90 00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:18,170 Yeah. Well, I went through a phase where I dated guys. 91 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,259 Huh, I thought you were a goldstar. 92 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,826 What's a "gold star"? 93 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:24,655 It's a lesbian term for someone who's never been with a guy. 94 00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:28,093 Hey, I'm a gold star. 95 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,139 Wait a second, what about that story 96 00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,924 about you skinny-dipping at Boy Scout camp? 97 00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,361 Well, I was drowning. 98 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,188 I had to grab ahold of something. 99 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,929 Just happened to be Roger. 100 00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:41,281 So, if you had met Walden instead of me... 101 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,239 Oh, God, no. [chuckles] 102 00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,719 Wow, great. 103 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,242 I'm getting hypothetical rejections now. 104 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,897 I'm sorry, you're just not my type. 105 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,465 I was more into, you know, "guy" guys. 106 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,815 I'm a "guy" guy. 107 00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,469 Oh, please. 108 00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,862 You made me come in your room to kill a spider. 109 00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,429 I'm allergic! 110 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,170 [chuckles]: Look, it's not a big deal. 111 00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:02,954 Some guys fix things and some guys 112 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,305 call the guys that fix things. 113 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,307 You know, right after they watch Project Runway. 114 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,092 Oh, I didn't see it last night. Don't tell me, don't tell me. 115 00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,615 I rest my case. 116 00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,008 You know what, I'll show you. 117 00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,096 Here, give me that. 118 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,924 Okay. 119 00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,622 Tell me I'm not a guy's guy. 120 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,146 I got "guy" coming out of my ass. 121 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:24,411 Don't... [scoffs] You know what I meant. 122 00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,890 [groans] 123 00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,805 God, these nuts are hard to get off. 124 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,983 Oh, okay, I'll give you that one. [laughs] 125 00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,335 Hey, Jeff. 126 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,380 Hey, there he is. 127 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,208 The B-F-F of J-E-F-F. 128 00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:40,514 [both laugh]That's pretty good. 129 00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,777 Did you just come up with that? 130 00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,387 What do you think, I just sat here 131 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,346 jotting down rhymes before you showed up? 132 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,914 I'll have a whiskey. 133 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,655 Oh, oh, we're doing the hard stuff. Okay. 134 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:54,789 I'll have three fingers of crème de menthe. 135 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:57,400 Yeah, I've just been kind of in a funk lately. 136 00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:58,401 What's going on? 137 00:05:58,488 --> 00:05:59,446 It's Lyndsey. 138 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,317 Mm, Lyndsey. Lyndsey. 139 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:02,666 I'm sorry, uh, 140 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,364 Lyndsey is...?My girlfriend. 141 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,236 Oh, yes, yes. You know, I-I can never remember her name, 142 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,281 because, you know, I never really knew her. 143 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,154 Doesn't matter. Anyway, she dumped me. 144 00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,155 She dumped you?! 145 00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:14,243 [laughs]: Oh, my God! 146 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,724 Oh, my God. 147 00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:19,857 I was so shocked, my first reaction was wrong. 148 00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:22,730 Yeah, well, it's been a really rough two weeks. 149 00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,253 Wait, two weeks? 150 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,689 You-you guys have been broken up for two weeks 151 00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,517 and this is the first I'm hearing about it? 152 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:28,779 Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. I should have told you sooner. 153 00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:31,303 Well, someone certainly should have. 154 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,610 Anyway, there is one bright side: 155 00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,264 at least now, you and I are free to hang 156 00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,266 whenever we want.We couldn't before? 157 00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,574 Well, I-I didn't really want to tell you this, but... 158 00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:41,357 Lyndsey didn't like you very much. 159 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:44,578 She said that? 160 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,928 Yeah, she'd go on and on about your hair and your clothes. 161 00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,843 She even said you had the worst taste in jewelry. 162 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,627 I don't know where she got that. 163 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:52,368 I mean, it's not like you ever bought her jewelry. 164 00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,370 That's true. 165 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:55,893 Although, if I had, she wouldn't have noticed 166 00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,330 unless I put it in the bottom of her wine glass. 167 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,593 Women. 168 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,943 I know how to kill this pain. 169 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,118 Bring me the bottle. 170 00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:04,336 Yeah, better make it two. 171 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,250 Ooh, and a little whipped cream. 172 00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:07,514 [chuckles] 173 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,649 Oh, hey, Berta, can I ask you a question? 174 00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:13,650 Yeah. 175 00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,478 I'm a man's man, right? 176 00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:18,263 I thought that when I first met you, 177 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,396 but then I found out you were married to a woman. 178 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:24,226 No... no, I mean, like... 179 00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:25,270 like, I'm a guy who can... 180 00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:28,796 build things and... 181 00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:33,801 a guy who can get horses out of mud and... 182 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:37,587 ...who, if-if he gets stabbed, he just rubs dirt in it. 183 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,111 You're talking about a guy's guy? 184 00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:42,853 One of those dudes, like, in the boner pill commercials? 185 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,028 Yeah, exactly. 186 00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,466 Yeah. You're not one of those. 187 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:47,945 What? 188 00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,904 Well, you're more like one of those guys 189 00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:50,905 that gets a mani-pedi. 190 00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,950 Yeah, well, first of all, 191 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:54,430 there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. 192 00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,563 And second of all, 193 00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,523 manicure has the word "man," like, right there in it. 194 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,786 Well, now, you calm down manly man, 195 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,875 or you're gonna spill your chamomile tea. 196 00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:08,139 At least I'm the manliest man in this house, right? 197 00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:09,227 Um... 198 00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,273 What? 199 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,927 Really? I'm under Alan? 200 00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:16,017 Well, do you want to be on top of him? 201 00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,367 What did Jenny tell you? 202 00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,456 I was drowning! 203 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,464 'Sup, ladies? 204 00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:34,209 Hey, look who it is: Bob the Builder. 205 00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,473 Oh, yeah, it's pretty manly, huh? 206 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:40,128 The only thing manlier would be 207 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,783 if you were dressed as the cop or the cowboy. 208 00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:46,830 ♪ Why... are you gay? ♪ 209 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,791 Is this about the flat tire? 210 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:51,922 'Cause you have nothing to prove. 211 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,924 Oh, I ain't provin' nothin'. 212 00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:55,360 Just being a guy. 213 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,145 Doin' what guys do, fixin' things. 214 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,320 And do not expect me 215 00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,756 to get in touch with my emotions 216 00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:03,107 or ask for directions anytime soon. 217 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,108 [spits] 218 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:06,763 Is that chewing tobacco? 219 00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,287 Yes, it is. 220 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:11,115 And it tastes terrible. 221 00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,466 And I'm feeling dizzy. 222 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,469 Wow, very impressive. 223 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,601 [laughs] 224 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:21,517 You ain't seen nothing yet. 225 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,084 That there's a laser. 226 00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,347 Badass. 227 00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:30,178 Gee, oh, this here table is two degrees from being level. 228 00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:32,528 I got this! 229 00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:39,187 There we go, job well done. 230 00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:47,543 I'm gonna need my band saw. 231 00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:49,066 You two clean this up. 232 00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:50,894 Ladies' work. 233 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,940 ♪ Men.♪ 234 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:56,334 All right, I'm lubricated. 235 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,641 Let's do this thing. 236 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:01,644 So, uh, how was your dinner with Larry the other night? 237 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:02,645 Fine. 238 00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:03,646 Where did you go? 239 00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:04,952 La Dolce. 240 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,301 What did you guys have?Salmon. 241 00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:07,781 Did Larry like it? 242 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:11,045 Okay, talking about my boyfriend eating fish 243 00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:13,874 is the world's worst foreplay. 244 00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:16,354 Is he still eating fish, Lyndsey? 245 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:21,446 Is he? 246 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:24,232 All right, what's going on? 247 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:25,712 I'll tell you what's going on. 248 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:26,887 Larry told me you broke up with him. 249 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,366 Mm-hmm. For the love of God, 250 00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,541 you're still seeing Larry?! 251 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,848 As Jeff Strongman? 252 00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:33,807 At least one of us is faithful to him. 253 00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:35,417 [scoffs] 254 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,984 Why didn't you tell me? 255 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:39,377 I didn't tell you because I knew you'd just ask 256 00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:40,509 when you and I are getting back together. 257 00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,729 That's not true. 258 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,165 When are we getting back together? 259 00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:45,688 Alan. 260 00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,255 Oh, this is what I've been waiting for 261 00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,909 for the last six months. 262 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,606 We-we can finally be together, honestly, openly. 263 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:53,043 I-I can prove to you 264 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,523 I'm the man that you're supposed to be with. 265 00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,090 I love you, Lyndsey. 266 00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,831 Great. So you want to get married? 267 00:10:57,918 --> 00:11:01,399 Whoa, whoa, marriage? We just got back together. 268 00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,097 You're just like Larry. 269 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,403 Neither one of you are willing to commit. 270 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,754 I'm just saying that maybe, you know, we should date a while. 271 00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,625 I mean, let's be honest, you are a bit of an adulterer. 272 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,195 This is why I've been avoiding this conversation. 273 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,023 You don't want to get married, 274 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,807 and I don't want to be with you unless we do, so... 275 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,505 if that's the case, I don't know what else to say, Alan. 276 00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:22,507 [sighs]: Except... 277 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,553 good-bye. 278 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,598 Wow. [laughs] 279 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,949 Okay. 280 00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,779 Okay. I mean... 281 00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:37,522 Just so you know, when I walk out this door, 282 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,307 I am never coming back. 283 00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:42,614 This is the last you will see... 284 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,704 of Alan Harper. 285 00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:04,636 [door closes] 286 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,291 [knocking] 287 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,818 Breakup sex? 288 00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:20,174 Oh! 289 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,089 ♪ Men.♪ 290 00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:33,056 Hello. 291 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:35,319 Oh. Sorry about that. Am I in your way? 292 00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,887 The only thing in myway are those pants. 293 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,150 [chuckles]: Oh, gee, sorry about that. 294 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,718 About the only crack around here I ain't put caulk in. 295 00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:45,416 [laughs] 296 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,071 All right. 297 00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,464 Whoa! Look at that. 298 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,248 Good as new. 299 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,337 Hey, if there's anything around here that needs fixin', 300 00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:55,209 I'll be the one fixin' it. 301 00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,820 So if you see something that's broke and bothering you, 302 00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:58,647 you just let me know. 303 00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:01,476 [sighs]: Hey. 304 00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:05,393 I see something that's broke and bothering me. 305 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,222 I'm not in the mood, Berta. I just got dumped. 306 00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:09,701 Oh. What happened? 307 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,529 Well, you know, I confronted Lyndsey 308 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,271 about breaking up with Larry, and it blew up in my face. 309 00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:17,622 Alan, Alan, Alan. 310 00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:21,757 You know, relationships are a lot like woodworking. 311 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,890 There's a certain way that things fit together, 312 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:28,068 and if you force it, it splinters and falls apart. 313 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,853 But if you take your time, follow instructions, 314 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,377 you build something beautiful and solid, 315 00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:34,901 something you can be proud of. 316 00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,773 Like this here elegant cedar birdhouse. 317 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,256 What does this have to do with me and Lyndsey? 318 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,648 Nothing. 319 00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,694 But how cool is it I built this? 320 00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,739 It's even got a guest room for the Alan birds. 321 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,873 If you listen real close, you can hear them. 322 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,702 Cheap, cheap. 323 00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:59,795 ♪ ♪ 324 00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,754 [song ends] 325 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,495 Isn't this great? 326 00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:07,629 What's cooler than going to a strip club in the daytime? 327 00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:10,762 The girls aren't always hot, but the mozzarella sticks are. 328 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,983 [groans]: Uh... yeah. 329 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,724 You sound like me two weeks ago. 330 00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:18,248 I made that noise every time I heard the name "Lyndsey." 331 00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,120 [groans] 332 00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:21,643 Yeah, that's it. 333 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:22,949 What's going on? 334 00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:24,907 To be honest, I, uh... 335 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,257 had a bit of a breakup myself. 336 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,824 Oh, geez. Mm. 337 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:29,825 And here I am whining about myproblems. 338 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,132 Eh. I'm sorry, Jeff. 339 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:33,785 If I have a flaw, it's that sometimes 340 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,440 I'm not aware of things that are going on around me. 341 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:40,444 It's actually one of the things I like most about you. 342 00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,229 So, what happened between you and your girl? 343 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,100 Well, she wanted to get married, 344 00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,059 and I'm just not sure I'm ready. 345 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,539 No way! That's the same reason I lost Lyndsey. 346 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:49,801 It's like we were dating the same woman. 347 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,370 It's exactly like that. 348 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,720 So, do you miss her?Are you kidding? 349 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,592 I mean, she's the only one for me. 350 00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:59,942 I mean, she's the one who brings me up when I'm down... 351 00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:03,250 Whoa. Hello, future Mrs. Strongman. 352 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,382 So, what are you afraid of? 353 00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:07,689 I don't know. It's just such a big commitment. 354 00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,430 Bottom line: do you still love her? 355 00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:10,822 Yes, I do. 356 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,912 Then you got to get her back. 357 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,304 Don't make the same mistake I did. 358 00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:15,610 Yeah, maybe you're right. 359 00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:16,916 I know I'm right. Chances like this 360 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,700 only come along once in a lifetime. 361 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:20,354 I'm gonna do it, Larry. 362 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:21,921 I am gonna ask her to marry me. 363 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,227 That-a-boy! And when things work out, 364 00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:25,968 I'm gonna be the best man at you and your girl's wedding. 365 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:31,321 Well... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 366 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,149 Want a private dance? 367 00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,977 Oh, sorry, I can't. I have a date with destiny. 368 00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:38,154 Destiny's off today. 369 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,765 Oh, no, I-I meant, uh, uh... Never mind. 370 00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:43,029 Why don't you take my friend. It's on me. 371 00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:43,943 Oh, I only have a 20. 372 00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,467 Uh, you know what? 373 00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,730 I think seven's fair. 374 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,953 [machine buzzing] 375 00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:57,957 Walden? 376 00:15:58,044 --> 00:15:58,827 Oh, hey! 377 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:01,395 Sorry, ladies! 378 00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,527 [machine stops]Man at work! 379 00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,268 Wh-What are you doing? 380 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:09,316 Well, it's a little technical for the layperson. 381 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,970 What the hell, let me walk you through it. 382 00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:14,060 What I'm doing is sanding and re-staining, 383 00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:17,715 when I recognized some dry rot and termite damage. 384 00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:18,890 And I thought to myself, what the hell, 385 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,545 I got a couple hours-- 386 00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,853 why don't I just rebuild this bad boy from scratch. 387 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:27,856 [giggles] 388 00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:30,250 The bubbles tickle my nose. 389 00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:32,513 Okay, you know what? You got to stop building things. 390 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,471 I was wrong-- you are so manly 391 00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,778 that if I were straight, I'd totally bang your brains out. 392 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,127 Well, of course you would, sweetheart. 393 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,302 But I'd probably sleep with you once 394 00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,174 and then never call you again. 395 00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,480 Hold still, please. 396 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,743 Yep, they're level. [clears throat] 397 00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,704 [machine starts]Ow! 398 00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:50,966 Aah! Aah! 399 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:53,534 Mmm. 400 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,015 I'm just gonna rub some dirt in it and keep going. 401 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,929 Walden! Hey... 402 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,106 What are you doing? 403 00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,933 Oh, this? Well, 404 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,371 it's pretty technical for the layperson. 405 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:05,850 What the hell, let me just... 406 00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:07,548 No, doesn't matter, doesn't matter. 407 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,463 Uh, I-I got big news. 408 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,553 I am gonna ask Lyndsey to marry me. 409 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,684 Are you serious? 410 00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,860 Yeah, I just have to get a ring. 411 00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,384 I got a ring you could have. 412 00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,038 The one I proposed to Zoey with. 413 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,822 I don't know, that ring didn't work. 414 00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,171 Neither do you. 415 00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:23,955 [chuckles]: Touché. 416 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,089 Well, I can't believe my best friend's getting married. 417 00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,135 All right, come on, bring it in. 418 00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:30,353 Man hug. 419 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,702 Oh. Oh. You smell. 420 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,878 Oh, yeah. It's awesome, isn't it? 421 00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,489 I haven't showered in two days. 422 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:38,013 That's what guys do-- we stank. 423 00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,147 You smell good... 424 00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,365 bitch. 425 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,026 Ladies love flowers. 426 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,376 Um... 427 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,085 Oh, hey, Jeff! 428 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,695 Why are you calling me Jeff? 429 00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,871 You must be here to see your friend Larry, 430 00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,873 who is also here. 431 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,180 Jeff? What are you doing here? 432 00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,529 [laughs]: Larry! 433 00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:18,314 I-I just, uh, I came by to-to... 434 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,577 yell at this one over here 435 00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:22,797 for breaking up with my friend Larry. 436 00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:25,495 Can you think of a better reason for me to drop by? 437 00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,976 'Cause I certainly can't. 438 00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:30,109 Well, now that you're here, why don't you have a drink with us. 439 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:33,024 Oh, I-I'm sure Jeff has better places to be. 440 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,069 Work, nope. Girlfriend, nope. 441 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,984 Taste in jewelry, nope. 442 00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:38,726 Here you go. 443 00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,423 Bottoms up, Lyndsey. 444 00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:43,209 Not the first time I've said thatto her. 445 00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:44,601 [groans] 446 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,125 What's this? 447 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,604 A ring? 448 00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,129 What's going on? 449 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:54,655 Yeah, what isgoing on? 450 00:18:54,742 --> 00:18:57,397 Jeff helped me realize I don't want to lose you. 451 00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:58,963 These last two weeks 452 00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,791 have been the worst in my life. 453 00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:02,097 I don't want to spend 454 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:03,751 another minute without you. 455 00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,100 Okay, I think she's heard enough. 456 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,406 Let's go get some wings. Come on. 457 00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:07,755 Ooh, wings. 458 00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,670 Just let me wrap this up real quick. 459 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:14,109 Lyndsey MacElroy, you're my soul mate. 460 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:17,068 Will you marry me? 461 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,592 I can't believe this is happening. 462 00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,811 Yes, yes, I will marry you! 463 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:26,600 So, Jeff, how'd it go with yourgirl? 464 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:27,514 Uh... 465 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,646 I was too late. 466 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,735 She's marrying someone else. 467 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,216 That was quick. Wasn't it? 468 00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:36,305 I'm sorry. 469 00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,742 LARRY: You know what? Forget her. 470 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:42,442 If she chose some jackass over you, she's just a dumb whore. 471 00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:46,097 Uh, she's-she's actually really great. 472 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,447 No, she's not. 473 00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:50,667 She and her new man are both garbage. 474 00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:52,103 [groans]: Uh... 475 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,540 ♪ Men.♪ 476 00:20:01,025 --> 00:20:02,853 Whoa, look at this. 477 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,160 That's right. 478 00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,335 Hey, uh, 479 00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,381 who has one and a half thumbs 480 00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:10,513 and built this deck all by himself? 481 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,646 This guy. 482 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,343 Well, I'm impressed. 483 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:16,302 I would've had to call a guy. 484 00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:18,086 Well, then my phone would've rang, 485 00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,175 because I amthe guy. 486 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,438 Got to admit, I was wrong about you. 487 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:25,702 That's all right. We all make mistakes. 488 00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:29,358 Oh! That's my spit cup. 489 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:32,579 This thing feels sturdy enough for us to have sex on later. 490 00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:33,754 WALDEN: Oh, it is. 491 00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,234 But, uh, be careful, 492 00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:36,974 'cause I just stained her. 493 00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:40,021 Well, if you hadn't, we would have. 494 00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:45,418 Ah. Look at that. 495 00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:48,769 Looks like somebody needs a new roof. 496 00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:51,162 Luckily, I know a guy. [chuckles] 497 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,252 [wood crackling] 498 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,218 Whoa. Walden? 499 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:05,133 WALDEN: Call a guy! 500 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,700 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 501 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:08,832 and TOYOTA. 502 00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:09,572 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org